Under the Boardwalk
by meguhbot
Summary: With the summer brings new people, and with the fall, an empty space they once were. See what happens when Bella meets Edward and one harmless lie turns their world upside down. Taboo/Teacher student. lemons. Be warned. Collab with Robicorn
1. Chapter 1

**SM Owns Twilight and all the characters. **

**This is a collab between myself and Robicorn. If you haven't read any of her stories, you should do that, after you review :) We are both posting on our accounts. **

**This story is really dedicated to HippieStarr. She asked for Taboo Teacherward. **

**This was pre-read by HippiedStarr and My2GalsPal. Really they do way more than pre-read and they fix mistakes too, so I hope between the four of us, nothing too bad. **

**But we're all human :)**

**Chapter 1: Captain and Strawberries**

**BPOV**

I sit on the beach, nothing underneath me but the sand. The air is crisp and smells of salt. The only sounds are the seagulls above and the crashing waves in front of me. It's twilight. The beach is empty, just like it has been for the past nine months.

The smell of the salt, the sound of the waves, and the feeling of the sand beneath my toes all mean summer is here, and soon the Sunseekers will be here too. They will crowd the boardwalk. They will take over the beach. They will come, they will go. For some it will be just for a weekend, others a week, maybe even the whole summer. They give this town life. They sustain my mom's livelihood. They support most of the local economy.

My mom owns Twilight Motel in North Wildwood. It's on East Spicer, just a block from the two mile boardwalk and close to Morey's pier, where I love to ride the roller coasters. We live here all year, in one of the two bedroom apartments. It's pink, and has these fake palm trees around the pool. There are no real palm trees in Jersey. The apartment is tiny, but it's home. It's just me and my mom anyway. My mom left my father in Forks, Washington when I was just a baby. She said she had dreams to live. I guess her dream was to run a motel, but I'm not sure.

I have an older brother, Emmett. He moved a few years ago, about forty minutes away in Jersey, with his wife Rosalie. They come every weekend. My mom makes sure there is always a unit saved for them. He is over protective. I used to look forward to his visits, until he started chasing boys away.

Today was my last day of school. I am officially a Senior. I have a feeling this summer is going to be great. Last week my best friend Jessica and I got fake ID's. I'm sick of hanging out on the boards listening to the tram cars. I want more excitement this summer. I want to live on the edge. I want to drink in bars. No more shady drinking under the boardwalk. No more house parties with kids renting housing for their last summer before college. I want to enter the doors I am told I can't go through for another four years. I'm nervous to use it, but I figure what's the worst that can happen? They tell us to leave? So we leave. No biggie.

I look forward to summers and meeting new people. Mainly, boys. I don't make many girlfriends. Two summers ago, I met Jacob. He was here for the whole summer. We had a great time together. When it was over he told me he'd call me, but he never did. Last summer, it was Alex. Same thing. I don't know that I like being a summer fling anymore. This summer, I don't want to get attached to one Sunseeker. I don't want to have to say goodbye. I don't want to hear empty promises of keeping in touch.

Boys at my school are scarce. There are three hundred and eight students in Wildwood High School. I've known the boys my entire life. When summer comes, it's like a whole new world, but during the school year, there's Riley.

Riley is popular, hot, and he likes me. It's not serious though. I think we both like the freedom and new experiences the summer offers. When people leave at the end of the summer and new friends become memories, I still have him. I have him to take me to stupid dances. I have him to hold my hand on group dates to the fifty's diner. I have him to help pass the time. It's convenience, not young love.

I stand up, brushing the sand off the back of my jean cutoffs. The season starts tomorrow. It's usually kicked off with what we refer to as Senior Week. Newly graduated high school seniors from a two hour radius come to Wildwood to celebrate. Some stay the whole summer, but most only stay the week.

All the underage drinking keeps the cops pretty busy. Most of the time, they just ask the kids to go back inside. They give them one chance, one reminder to keep their fun on the down low.

I plan on trying out my fake ID and staying far away from the trouble and drama of senior week. Staying away from all the Jacobs and Alexes and their empty promises. It would be nice to start my senior year without an aching heart. Without the distraction of will he or won't he call. I know by now that he won't.

~UTB~

Jessica and I are in my bedroom getting ready for our first attempt to drink in a bar. I wiggle into my skin tight white Capri jeans. I slip on my white and navy stripped tube top, smudge my black eyeliner a little, apply another layer of gloss followed by one last smack of my lips, and finally strap on my white, cork-wrapped platform sandals.

Jessica and I climb in my new car and head to Keenan's Irish pub. My mom got me an adorable, electric blue Mini Cooper convertible and I love it. Mom's new boyfriend, Phil, used to play minor league baseball. He got hurt, so now he manages a Mini Cooper dealership in Atlantic City. He swears we got a good deal on the car. I don't know anything about cars. What I do know is that it's so much better than driving our old beat up Chevy truck that is as old as my mom.

On the Five minute drive to the pub I experience things that remind me why I love the summer. I love the sound of the wooden roller coaster. I love the bright lights of the Ferris wheel. I love how the streets come alive. It's like a brand new place, renewed every summer.

Keenan's is a well known bar in the town. It has an outside deck, frozen drinks, good music, and a young, trendy crowd. I have no desire to drink in the corner bar with people like my mom and Phil. I don't think that would go over too well, anyway.

As we near the bar I tell Jessica to look the part. If they smell fear, we are dead in the water. We need to be confident. We need to act like we belong there. We approach the bouncer. He is big, but once he smiles at us, he isn't so intimidating.

"ID ladies," he smiles at us holding out his hand. I smile back and pull out the plastic card. He looks it over, and I can feel my heart racing. He hands it back, and waves me in. Victory. I wait for Jessica inside the door. She smiles wide when he waves her in.

The bar is packed. We squeeze through and wait behind some people at the bar. I'm not really sure what to order. I've heard my mom order Captain and Coke. I could try that. It has to be better than beer.

The bartender is swamped. People are just yelling out to him. I have no idea how I will ever manage to get a drink. Jessica pulls me down towards the end of the bar, where two seats open up. We sit down before anyone else can.

I slide a twenty on the bar, and wait for the bartender to notice us. I watch him work in awe because he has to be the most beautiful man I have ever seen. When he smiles, he gets these laugh lines on the corner of his eyes. He smiles a lot at the girls. He fist bumps a few guys. He runs his hands through his unruly hair, then the green of his eyes meet mine. I have been caught staring. He winks and he smiles. His smile is crooked.

I bite my lip, and he ignores the blonde who is trying to order shots. He comes toward us. "What can I get you ladies?" he asks.

"Um, Captain and Coke," I tell him.

"Midori and sour," Jessica pipes up. We both look at her oddly. "What?" she asks looking at us. I told her not to order something that screams 'I have never drank before in my life',but that is exactly what she did.

"You got it," he laughs. When he comes back, I sip my drink slowly. I am so afraid I am going to gag on it.

I try to mask the way the alcohol makes me shiver with the small sip. Of course Jessica is sucking hers down with no problem. He leaves two small plastic cups upside down, in front of us.

"Next round is on me, brown eyes," he says, leaning into me on the bar. He pushes off and goes to fill other drink orders.

"Holy crap. He is totally flirting with you, Bella. He is hot, too!" Jessica says.

"I know. I wouldn't mind if he filled something besides my drink order," I smile back at her.

The next few sips are much easier to swallow, and before I know it, Jessica and I are cashing in on our free round.

When our glasses are empty Jess and I start dancing, full of liquid courage. I feel hands on my waist from behind me, and I turn to see the bartender trying to get past me. I move against him.

"Excuse me," he requests moving past me with his perfect flirty smile. I watch him walk away, wishing he had stayed for a dance.

After a few songs we head back to the bar to get another round. More of those plastic cups are in front of our seats.

"I didn't get your name," the hot bartender yells over the music.

"Isabella," I tell him. I think it sounds more mature then Bella.

"Nice to meet you, Isabella. I'm Edward," he tells me. He offers his hand and I move to shake it.

"Having a nice vacation?" he asks.

"This is my home," I tell him. Now I know he is one of the Sunseekers, just here for the summer.

"Beach all year? Must be nice," he comments.

"Beach tomorrow," I tell him. I am drunk, and part of me wonders what the hell I am doing hinting for this twenty-something man to meet me at the beach.

"Oh? What street?" he asks, with this devilish grin. I panic a little. I won't be drunk tomorrow. I'm not who he thinks I am.

I hesitate, and he gets pulled away. He holds his finger up, nonverbally asking me to wait, then move to get a drink order for the blonde from earlier. He wants to know my answer.

He gets swamped again. I am thankful and disappointed at the same time. I would love nothing more than to kiss his lips, feel the stubble of his jaw against my cheek. I can't though. It would be wrong. I am seventeen. He is going to be gone in September...so maybe a little fib about who I am won't be so bad?

No I can't.

It would be really wrong...but in such a good way.

By the end of the night I realize there is no way I am going to be able to drive home. I'm not worried about my car. It will be fine parked here, but it's a long walk.

Edward calls last call, and I already know I will be throwing up tonight. I pull Jessica toward the door.

"Isabella!" Edward yells. To hear someone call me by my full name is odd. I'm used to hearing Bella. I actually insist on just Bella. He can't know me that way though. I turn and look at him one last time.

"Where you going?" he asks me.

"Turning into a pumpkin," I tell him. It's hard to walk away, but somehow I manage.

Once we are on the street, I tell myself to act sober. It would probably be safer to walk home under the boardwalk.

"You should have given him your number,_ Isabella,_" Jessica taunts as I pull her toward the beginning of the boardwalk a few blocks down.

"Yeah, I'm sure he'd love to hang out with a seventeen-year-old girl!" I tell her.

"Older men are sexy. He was sexy. Nothing wrong with a winter-summer romance or whatever the heck they call it," Jessica slurs a little.

"You mean May-December?" I laugh. "I think my mother would find something wrong with it...not to mention Emmett!" I remind her.

We go below the boardwalk, my arm linked with Jessica's. It's hard to walk in the sand. I stop and take off my platform sandals so I can carry them. The sand is cool beneath my feet, and I love the way the it feels. Gritty but soft.

"Isabella!" I hear my name again. I knit my brows together. He followed me. I don't know whether to thank the heavens or curse them.

When I see his green eyes and his swoon worthy smirk...I decide thanks are in order.

**EPOV**

My first night at Keenan's bar was nothing like I expected. I expected loud and obnoxious. I expected flirty and annoying. I didn't expect some girl to make me fall ass over head in two seconds I saw her when she first walked in: long brown hair, short and petite, laughing with her friend.

As they made their way over to the bar, I tried to work quickly. I just wanted to talk to her.

I'm originally from Chicago but this place - Wildwood, New Jersey - was my new home for the summer. My family vacationed here every summer until my dad got too busy with work. I almost feel like I am home again here. It's been too long.

I just graduated with a teaching degree. The past few years my family has rented out our four bedroom townhouse but as a graduation present, my dad said my sister Alice, me, and her boyfriend Jasper could use the house all summer. It's supposed to be like a last hurrah before I truly become an adult, only it's not, because I went into teaching for the hours, not the pay. I took the job at Keenan's so I'm not broke or bored all summer.

~UTB~

I love it in Wildwood. It reminds me of all my childhood summers. I love the smell of the salt water, the taste of the fudge, and the fantastic pizza. I know I am from Chicago, and we have deep dish, but I think Mack's wins.

I use to spend hours on end in the boardwalk arcades. My mom used to yell at me for eating too much funnel cake and salt water taffy's. I would get belly aches every night.

I see her dancing as I head out to grab another case of beer from the back. I can't fight the need I feel to touch her. Is it weird that after our brief encounter I already want to be with her? Probably. I keep my eyes on her the whole night. She is a graceful dancer and a sight to behold.

After last call, I try to talk to her. I call her name and when I ask her where she's going she gives me some smart ass reply. I can't help but smile. I want to get to know this girl so I do what any normal, creepy guy would do. I follow her.

As she walks under the pier with her friend I call out her name. She turns around and looks at me, confusion on her face.

"Edward?" she questions. My name has never sounded so nice.

"You never told me what street," I say, a little out of breath.

She smiles, and her friend giggles.

"I'll just be over... yeah,"Isabella's friend points in the distance and laughs, then walks off.

Isabella nods, and turns to look at me.

"What's it to you?" she asks, twirling her hair.

"I really feel like going to the beach tomorrow and I think I've overstepped polite boundaries with my stalker tendencies, so you know...I'm just trying to avoid going to the same place as you."

She laughs and it's beautiful. Just like her.

"Well then, for your sake, East Spicer Street."

I take a step closer. "Really? Then I should stay away from East Spicer Street."

"Good. Then I won't be needing to call the cops," she says.

"Good."

We stare at each other for a moment, and I know it's getting late.

"Will you be okay getting home?" I ask. She's tanked and I'm really worried about her getting home safely.

"Yeah, we'll be okay. I think I only have to worry about one stalker, and I think he's too pretty to go to jail," she says.

I smile, and nod. I step closer.

"Would you really think I was a stalker if I showed up at the same beach tomorrow?"

She blushes, "No."

"Good." I step closer, and I'm so close that I can smell her. She smells of Captain and strawberries.

"Do I get a time?" I ask.

"Noon," she whispers.

I'm so close that I could just lean down and kiss her if I wanted to. Man, do I want to.

But I decide not to. I push a strand of hair behind her ear and slowly move back.

"Good night, Isabella."

She waves, and bites her bottom lip. I turn and walk away.

~UTB~

The sun is shining and there isn't anyone on the beach not enjoying the great summer weather. I find Isabella without really having to look for her. She is sitting on the beach on a brown blanket, propped up against a log, reading a book. Her long mahogany hair is blowing in the wind. It's noon and I hope she hasn't eaten yet. I look down at the basket full of sandwiches and chips that I picked up on the way. I wonder if she'll think my impromptu picnic is weird or sweet.

The night before, I had to sneak in like I was fifteen again. I didn't want Alice asking me all kinds of questions. The woman has no clue what the word privacy means, and I honestly didn't know if there was anything to tell her. Just saying that I met a girl on my first night working would cause her to start planning first dinner dates, weddings, and all that nonsense.

I drop to my knees on the blanket next to her, effectively surprising her causing her to squeak

"Should I call the cops?" she asks, not looking up from her tattered book.

"Nope."

She smiles and finally looks up at me. I am fascinated by the light brown freckles scattered across her nose. Her eyes are so round, but she squints in the sun light to look at me. I can't believe how focused I am on her face, when she is in nothing but a bikini tied together by a few strings. Her sunglasses sit on the top of her head, and her lips look a little dried out, probably due to the fact that she licks them constantly.

"Hello, Edward."

"I hope it's okay that I brought food," I tell her showing her the basket.

"Oh, it's more than okay. Well, unless it's poisoned or a bribe."

"Hm, a bribe. Never thought of that one," I reply, pulling out the sandwiches.

For the next fifteen minutes we shoot questions back and forth at each other as we eat our lunch. I learn that she helps her mom run her hotel, that she has an older brother, and never knew her dad. Her mom is flighty and has a childlike personality. She is really more like a friend than a mother. Isabella also goes to community college at Atlantic Cape. She wants to have a career in art. I tell her I just graduated from college with my teaching degree with a minor in art. She tells me she can get lost in a good book and she can't remember how many times she has read Wuthering Heights.

When she talks about art, reading, or her family, I can see her passion for life. She talks a lot about art. How she wants to take art classes this summer. Maybe still life.

We've eaten and talked, and everything feels so comfortable. It seems like I've known her for more than fourteen hours. She isn't just a beautiful girl anymore. She is a beautiful, vibrant girl that I want to know.

We decide to take a walk on the beach. She tells me she collects seashells to make picture frames that her mom sells in the hotel gift shop. We've been walking for about five minutes when she suddenly stops and looks up at me. I feel like she's looking into my soul. She smiles, picks up a shell, and holds it out to me.

"It matches your eyes. Keep it." She says, taking my hand and placing the seashell in my palm. I put the shell in my pocket, and in a swift move, I take her hand in mine. She looks up at me and smiles. It tells me she's okay with this. We walk along the water, and she asks me how I like it here so far.

"Well, I use to come every summer. I've missed it, that's for sure," I tell her.

She keeps my hand in hers but walks slightly ahead. Suddenly she turns and walks backwards facing me. There are planes overhead advertising parties at local bars, dinner specials, drink specials, and parasailing.

She stops when I look up to read the newest banner in the sky. I keep walking though, and my arm slips around her small waist and I hold her against my chest. I comment on the dollar drink specials.

"I guess I should go there tonight then, instead of Keenan's," she shrugs.

"I think Keenan's is having an Isabella special tonight. Free drinks for captivating the bartender," I tell her.

"Is that so?" she asks.

"Yeah, but it's one night only, no rain checks," I tell her.

"Huh, well that's a hard special for a struggling college student to ignore," she says.

We start heading back to her blanket. There is a vendor nearby selling ice cream, and I buy Bella a strawberry shortcake ice cream bar. She gets a little on the corner of her mouth and I wipe it away with my thumb. I lick the little bit off my thumb.

She doesn't sit down, but instead pulls the blanket off the ground and hands it to me. "I hate when it gets crowded," she tells me. The beach is packed. Kids are running around, and mom's are trying to control them.

I follow her under the boardwalk, spread the blanket out, and motion for her to sit down. She sits crossed legged on the brown blanket licking the last of the strawberry ice cream off the wooden stick. I am jealous of the stick. She must have noticed me staring.

"You want to kiss me, Edward?" she asks.

"Why would you think that?" I retort.

"Uh, let's see, you followed me out of the bar, you stalked me onto the beach, and you just watched me eat my ice cream like it was the last coke in the desert," she says. She comes up on her knees and moves toward me on them.

"All I've been thinking about is kissing you since I met you. What's your point?" I ask her.

"So, kiss me," she challenges in a hushed voice.

I feel like a teenager. I have kissed plenty of girls. I don't know why I feel the need to wipe my palms off on my board shorts, but I do. It feels like slow motion as she leans into me. Her hand grasps the back of my head and her fingers weave into the hair at the base of my neck. She has a confident grip. She is in charge of this kiss, and I like it.

Her mouth meets mine, already slightly open, and her tongue darts out. She pulls it back quickly and I let mine dart into her mouth. We go back and forth like this. I am too overwhelmed to move my hands, so they stay planted on my thighs as she controls the kiss. I am afraid of what I will do if I touch her stomach. I might not be able to remove myself from her.

She stops the kiss. I feel a loss. "Wasn't so hard was it?" she asks, going back to her spot. It was nice to not have a beach full of spectators. This spot feels special with its peek-a-boo rays of sunlight shining through the boards, the faraway sounds of the people on the beach, and the waves crashing in the distance. All these things were happening around us, but here, under the boardwalk, we were alone. It was ours.

"It was decent," I smirk at her. She rolls her eyes. I move closer to her. She starts to read again and I rest my chin on her shoulder.I let my fingers graze her sides, and she glances up at me. I peck her lips. I wink. She blushes.

I steal kisses and touches the rest of the afternoon, but all too soon I have to get ready to go to work for my six o'clock shift.

"Will I see you later for the Isabella special?" I ask her. "I hear the bartender makes a mean drink."

"Maybe. I might have a few more stalkers to see tonight," she tells me. I lift her chin with my finger and kiss her one last time.

"See you later, Izzy," I tell her, confident she will walk into the bar tonight.

"If you're lucky," she calls out.

I can only hope.

**We hope to update every week. We appreciate any word of mouth recs and reviews. This is going to be an awesome ride! So I hope you all hold on tight! **

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**Next update, soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

**SM owns not me, not Robicorn. **

**HippieStarr, My2GalsPal are awesome pre-readers. Really. They do soooo much. **

**We are so thrilled with the response so far for Teacherward! We can't even begin to thank you enough! If we could mail you all a cardboard cutout of Jumpward, we would. Rob in boxers was a religious experience, for all of us.**

**Chapter 2: Seagulls and Sketches**

**EPOV**

I can't focus. Every time someone walks into the bar I stop breathing. Every time it isn't Isabella I feel a surge of disappointment.

I don't know why I feel so drawn to her. It scares me. It scares the shit out of me actually. I am only going to be here for the summer. I didn't come here to find...anything but a good time. It doesn't stop me from looking up every time I hear the door though.

The night rolls on but there's no sign of her. I wasn't even smart enough to ask for her number. Or what the name of her family's hotel is for that matter. All night long there are glimpses of ivory skin, long brown hair, but it's never her. What do I think I am going to do with the name of her hotel anyway? Show up on her doorstep? Right, cause she wouldn't think I was some stalker creep then. I start to worry that all I will have with her was today. Was that one kiss. The one kiss during which I was too chicken shit to even allow myself to touch her.

Maybe it's for the best. Maybe, if I wasn't so masochistic, I would forget about the girl. I'm so distracted by the thoughts of never seeing her again, I over pour the drink I am mixing. "Fuck," I mumble.

Jasper is behind the bar with me tonight. "You alright, man?" he asks.

"Yeah, just distracted," I reply.

"I can tell. You keep staring at the door like God himself is going to walk through at any moment," he laughs.

"No, not God." _Goddess, _I think to myself and shake my head. "Just waiting for an angel...possibly the devil in disguise. The jury is still out."

"You got it bad," he laughs as he continues to mock me. .

"Please don't tell Alice," I plead. I won't deny that it might have even whined like a five-year-old.

"Dude, she already knows. Why else would you have been gone all day?" he asks.

I groan, and crack open a beer.

A few girls flirt with me. One even invites me out after I get off. Normally, I'd take her up on the offer, but not after Isabella.

All I see are her big brown eyes. Her pouty lips. Her smile.

By the time I close up, I am pissed that she didn't come. I almost feel like I have been stood up. I go home and attempt to sleep. The devil on my shoulder tells me to look for her at the beach tomorrow. I don't have an angel on the other shoulder to argue with him. (I love this devil/angel idea. So cute.)

I don't know what I am thinking the next morning when, after successfully avoiding Alice, I go back to the beach. Where the hell is my common sense? When did I become so desperate as to hunt down some girl I barely know? I'm usually the guy that says he will call and never does. Always the hunted, never the hunter.

I see her. Same spot. Same book. Now I remember why I am hunting. My heart thumps in my chest and my breath hitches.

I freeze. What I am thinking? I'm going to scare her to death. She is going to think I am the biggest creep. I mean I joked about stalking her, but it's not really stalking if I make my presence known, right?

The devil reappears and urges me to keep walking. I'm so close. He dares me to take a chance.

The feeling I had last night when I thought I might never see her again… I can't feel like that again. At least if I try I won't have any regrets.

I take a deep breath and walk over to her. I stop and stand in front of her, letting the shadow that falls across her announce my presence.

She looks up. Her eyebrows knit together. Without a word she closes her book, stands up, grabs her blanket and bag, and starts to walk away.

I'm hurt because I don't know what I did. The last time I was with her we kissed. It was amazing. I never thought so much about a kiss before in my life. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe she doesn't feel the same connection I feel. Or maybe she does and it scares her too.

"Hey!" I call as I walk after her.

She stops and turns to look at me. "What?" she asks. "What exactly do you want from me?"

"Did I do something? I don't understand. I mean I thought yesterday was...honestly it was the best day I have had in a long time," I tell her.

"No, you didn't do anything," she says. "I just, I don't know..." she trails off, shaking her head.

"I thought you would come out last night. I just want to get to know you," I answer with a smile. She's awfully skittish so I try to play it cool because I am terrified she will run away and I will really never see her again.

"Seeing as I can't get rid of you, I guess I might as well embrace you and your stalker tendencies," she says with a huff and a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"So, can I keep you company today?" I ask shyly.

"Just promise me one thing," she says.

"Anything," I reply hastily.

"Don't make me fall in love with you," she says, poking me in the chest. There's a hint of amusement in her voice. She could be joking, but for some reason, I think there is a nugget of truth to what she is asking.

"Owww," I say rubbing the spot in mock pain. At this point, I would promise her the world if it meant one more day in her presence. "Deal."

"And don't fall in love with me either," she says, walking toward the boardwalk.

"That's awfully cocky on your behalf, don't you think? Conceited much?" I tease, following her like a lost puppy.

She wants me to promise not to do something I felt starting the minute I looked into her eyes. I am so screwed. No regrets, I remind myself.

"As long as we are on the same page," she tells me. "I'm not your Sandy."

"Then I'm not your Danny," I smirk. "I missed you last night," I say sarcastically. I mean it, but I don't want her to know that. She needs to think I don't take this seriously.

I take her blanket and book and toss them back on the beach. "What the hell?" she asks, a little shocked. I grab her, throw her over my shoulder, and run like a bat out of hell toward the water. She kicks her legs and hits my back in protest. I laugh as my feet hit the ocean water and keep moving. When the water reaches my waist I drop her in.

She stands up, wipes the water from her eyes, and stares at me, open-mouthed. "You're gonna be sorry," she threatens, splashing me with water. I reach for her and easily wrap my arm around her waist. I pull her into me as a wave crashes against jump to avoid being toppled over.

I laugh, because a piece of seaweed clings to her chest. I pull it off and toss it aside.

I notice the disgusted look on Isabella's face. "I don't like being in the ocean."

"Really?" I ask.

"I feel like there are creatures I can't see all over me. It's usually just seaweed, but it makes me jumpy. Jersey water is gross. Maybe I'd feel better if I could look down and see what was going on, but I can't."

She is talking a mile a minute. I can see her tongue and I want to keep it busy with mine so I lean in and kiss her. My tongue moves inside her mouth and I can taste the salt water on her lips. I hold the back of her head with confidence, the same confidence she used when she kissed me yesterday under the boardwalk.

She pushes me away, but I hold her hand against my chest and pull her back. I move in to kiss her again, but she moves her face to the left and my lips land on her cheek.

I squeeze her sides to tickle her and attack her neck. "You should really stop fighting, Izzy. It would make things a lot easier for us both," I laugh.

She stops fighting me and a smile spreads across her face. "Okay," she says simply. I'm not paying attention to anything but her. The next thing I know a wave hits and pushes me under.

She saw it coming! When I recover, she is laughing. "Told you you'd be sorry."

Out of nowhere, she yelps and jumps on me. "What?" I ask.

"I don't know. I felt something... maybe a crab. I'm so scared of getting pinched by a crab," she squeals. "I can't stay in here."

She heads for the shore. I push the hair out of my face as the salt water drips from the ends in front of my eyes. I follow, staying a few feet behind her, because the view is amazing. She adjusts her bikini bottoms with the tips of her index fingers and I run up past her slapping her ass playfully. She runs after me and jumps on my back. We fall to the sand, where I roll onto my back so I can see her face. She giggles as I push her sun-kissed hair from out of the way and steal another kiss.

I help her up, because we can't make out on the beach, surrounded by faceless people. Since I met Isabella, she is the only face I see. Sand sticks to our wet bodies. I attempt to brush it off her stomach.

"I don't have work tonight, do you want to maybe grab a bite to eat and hit the boardwalk?" I ask her.

"I don't know, Edward. Three dates in two days?" she tsks.

"This isn't a date. I just happened to run into you and we both have to eat. Plus, you owe me."

"Owe you? For what exactly?" she asks, running her fingers down my chest. It feels wonderful and make the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

"Uh, for standing me up last night," I tell her, taking her hand in mine. To seal the deal I fake a pout and say, "You almost broke my heart."

"I didn't know that was a date. I thought it was loose," she explains. She rests her head on my bicep and I realize there is no way I am keeping my promise to this girl.

"You wound me. How many girls do you think get the Isabella special?"

"I don't know. I assume there are all kinds of specials…like the Christy special, or the Kelly special."

I shake my head and sigh. "Only the Isabella."

We head under the boardwalk and I bury my feet in the cool sand. It feels so refreshing after walking on sand that the sun has been baking all day. I listen to the seagulls and I lie down. I turn my head to watch Isabella as she pulls a sketch book from her bag and studies the scene in front of her. After a moment she begins to lay it down on the paper.

Suddenly, she tosses the book aside and lays next to me on her side. She props her head up with her hand. "What?" she asks.

"Nothing," I tell her.

"No…something. You keep staring at me. I can't focus with your eyes burning a hole into me."

"I just love the way you look when you are drawing. The way your eyes focus, and your hand moves fluidly, like it knows what to draw next without your brain having to tell it. I love the way your tongue pokes out in concentration. It's the sign of a true artist."

Her eyes widen in shock. "You can't say that word."

"What word?"

"The L word."

"I didn't say I love _you_. I said I love the way you _look_."

She climbs on top of me, straddling my waist, and I swallow around the lump in my throat. My hands naturally find her hips and my thumbs rub circles on her hip bones.

I sit up, keeping her planted on my lap, and kiss her. Hoping to take advantage of the possible distraction I ask, "What time can I pick you up tonight?"

"I'll meet you," she tells me.

"How do I know you won't leave me hanging again?"

"You don't," she shrugs.

"Seven o'clock, 5452 Pacific Ave," I give her my address. There is no way I am going to wait somewhere for a girl that might not show. I figure I'll let her meet Alice and Jasper. It's only a matter of time until Alice corners me and starts asking questions. Isabella can eat with us tonight. We were just going to grill some chicken out back. Maybe if she meets my friends she will be more comfortable letting me into her world.

"You like chicken?" I ask her.

"I do," she answers, running her fingers through my now dry hair.

"And Captain," I confirm.

She looks at me skeptically. "Trying to get me drunk?"

"Not until after I feed you," I say with a smirk.

**BPOV**

I step out of my car, taking off my sunglasses. I walk up the cemented path to the front door.

Holy frickin' hell, I'm really doing this. I'm standing on the doorstep of the address Edward gave me, and I'm getting ready to knock.

Last night, I couldn't bring myself to go to Keenan's. I could blame it on the fact that I didn't have anything to wear, that my hair wasn't cooperating, or the fact that I was nervous as shit about seeing him again. Yesterday had been wonderful..

I'd like to say I wasn't surprised to see Edward today, but I was. He was constantly surprising me.

He is sweet and funny. We're comfortable and we fit together. In more ways than one.

And oh god, was he a god.

All of it scared the shit out of me, so last night I did what I would normally do in that situation.

I ditched.

I stayed inside of my room the whole night and drew. I drew emerald seashells…chaotic, fiery red hair…intense green eyes… perfect, kissable lips…

The same perfect kissable lips that were smirking at me from the doorway of the freaking mammoth-sized townhouse.

Crap.

"Earth to Izzy. You there?" he smirks. If anyone else called me Izzy, I'd probably junk punch them, but with Edward, it fit.

"Hi." I say lamely.

"Hi, beautiful."

I look down at my outfit. I'm wearing jean shorts and a striped blue and white t-shirt, tied in the front, with blue sandals. I am also wearing the necklace Emmett bought me for my last birthday. It took me about fifteen minutes to decide what to do with my hair. I finally decided to twist it into a bun,secured it with white chopsticks, and left a few strands hanging around my face. I'd be lying if I said I didn't do it so Edward would have an excuse to push it behind my ear.

Because, duh. I did.

I am such a girl.

Edward's wearing a black t-shirt and plaid shorts with tennis shoes. The t-shirt is tighter than it was the first night; it stretches across his chest and I take a minute or three to ogle him.

"Thanks." I say. He leans in and gives me a tiny peck on the lips.

"Come on in," he says with a smile. I smile back as he grabs my hand to lead me into the house. It's decorated really freaking nice. Most shore houses have that white wicker furniture and cliché pictures of the beach. Not here though. It's all homey. A cream colored leather couch, sage green walls, and oak furniture. We walk through a sitting room, living room and a kitchen to the back of the house.

Before we walk outside he turns and gives me another kiss.

"I feel like I should warn you, Alice, my sister, is a handful. Imagine a chihuahua that drank five cups of coffee." He pauses, then adds, "with 2 extra shots."

I laugh, but he doesn't.

"You'll see," he mutters as he pulls me outside.

Standing by the grill is a tall blonde guy, in a t-shirt and jeans. He's putting barbeque sauce on the chicken and he's flipping some vegetables. His hair is much longer than Edwards, and he's about the same height. He's good looking but he's no Edward.

"Izzy, this is my best friend, Jasper. Jazz, this is m- this is Izzy. Jazz is also Alice's boyfriend."

Jasper smirks, wipes his hands on a towel, and reaches to shake my hand that isn't in Edward's grasp.

"It's nice to meet the girl that's been keeping Edward busy." I notice he has a southern drawl.

Smiling back, I respond with, "I try."

"...I know, Mom... oh! No nothing's wrong... she's here, gotta go!"

The voice I hear belongs to a tiny girl who comes barreling out of the house and pulls me into a hug.

"Hi! I'm Alice." She says. "We're going to be best friends!"

For some reason, I believe her.

When Alice talks, she talks loud and fast. I learn she's a fashion major and plans to design her own line of clothing. She loves Jasper. I can tell by the way she looks at him. I can also tell that he loves her just as much.

I try not to think about it but in my mind I imagine Edward looking at me that way. My eyes meet his, and he smiles.

We sit down to eat and the food is amazing. I don't like the broccoli and Edward doesn't like the baby corn, so we switch. As promised, Edward makes me a captain and coke. One turns into three and three urns into five. The conversation flows as easily as the alcohol and I enjoy talking to Jasper and Alice. Alice is telling me stories about Edward growing up and his ears get pink with embarrassment.

I encourage her, because it's cute.

"When Edward was in high school he could always be found with his nose in a book." Edward sighs and rolls his eyes at Alice's comment.

"Alice, no." His protests are in vain.

She smiles, pops a carrot into her mouth, and continues.

"He was skinny and so short. You wouldn't believe it was him seeing him now. He had this lame rat tail, and he'd spike his hair with gel. He also had these thick plastic glasses and refused to replace them when they broke. He just taped them up instead. I actually think mom had to burn them. Everyone at school would call him "Nerdward". He'd go home and lock himself up in his room playing imaginary school. One day mom found my barbies in his room."

I try not to laugh, really I do. Then I look at Edwards face, and because I'm more than half way drunk, I laugh.

I laugh until I can't breathe and I love it.

Edward huffs, and changes the subject while I'm wiping the tears from my eyes.

Edward and Alice have a great connection. It reminds me of Emmett. I miss him and Rosalie and I can't wait for them to get here.

Dinner is full of caresses and stolen kisses from Edward. His touch is beginning to be one of my favorite things.

After dinner, Alice brings out brownies which are devoured by Jasper and Edward. Alice and I talk some more and and think she's such a cool girl. At this point, we are all a little drunk. Actually, I'm three sheets to the wind.

I'm picking at my brownie when Edward leans in and kisses me under my ear.

I don't miss the way he's eying the chocolaty goodness.

"Paws off. I have no problem hurting you for food," I mutter. I might have even growled at him.

I can feel his smiling lips against my neck.

"Are we going to sit here all night, or am I going to be able to win you a giant teddy bear and and feed you all kinds of sweets?" he asks.

"Just cotton candy," I say matter of factly.

He takes this as confirmation and jumps up. I finish my drink, and he steals the rest of my brownie, shoving the whole thing in his mouth.

"Wunf fum?" he asks, smiling through his mouthful of food like a little kid.

"I knew it! You are such a boy!" I push his chest and he grabs my hand and pulls me to him.

"Hm, is that a bad thing?" he asks with a pitiful look on his face.

"No, I'm glad you're boy."

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Yeah." I lean up on my toes and kiss him.

We say goodbye to Alice and Jasper, promising to see each other again soon. We walk to the boardwalk, laughing and holding hands. We finally make it to the boardwalk, and he pulls me under the pier, pushing me against the wooden post.

He kisses me. And this isn't the nice, polite, and gentle kiss from dinner. This kiss is wild and his hands are everywhere.

"God, I have wanted to do that all night," he says against my neck.

Without thinking, my drunken tongue blurts out, "God, I want to do that all night."

He grins and I'm dazzled.

I know what I want to happen, but I also know that's not an option. I refuse to give that part of myself to a Sunseeker. Although my heart seems to be telling me he isn't just a Sunseeker anymore.

I pull back, promising myself that I won't and can't get carried away. It's summer and I deserve to have some fun before I have to get serious about school.

"Come on, Nerdward. Let's go get sick on sugary things that aren't good for us," I say, running away from him.

"You're playing with fire, little girl!" he calls after me. Eventually he catches me and he spins us around until we fall into the sand.

"For the record, I think you'd look hot with glasses," I tease. Then I kiss him chastely. Edward grins, and helps me up off the sand. Then we walk to the pier hand in hand.

The first booth we come to has a basketball hoop and tons of stuffed animal prizes, including huge multicolored bears. Edward's face erupts into this big, silly smile resembling the little boy look he had at dinner.

He leans toward me and confidently whispers, "You're about to get a giant teddy bear, Izzy."

What's funny is that it takes him an hour and a half to actually accomplish this feat.

"You distracted me with your... well, everything," he says as we walk away, giant teddy bear in hand. He's gloating because he actually did it. He was about to pay off the attendant though, I know it.

With all the wide-eyed innocence I can muster, I look at him and reply, "I did no such thing." He has a point though...my hands have a mind of their own.

"Ohhh Edward, you throw so hard!" He says in a falsetto voice, attempting to mock me.

"I didn't sound like that!" I stomp my feet, giggling. We both know he's right.

We decide it's time for refreshments and not ten minutes later we're walking along the pier, arms laden with funnel cakes, cotton candy, and beer. I'm having a great time, and I can tell by the smile on Edward's face that he is too. My only worry is that I might run into someone from school.

We eventually end up under the boardwalk again. We sit, eat, laugh and drink. I have to fight Edward for the funnel cake. I give up and he starts to feed me. I lick the powdered sugar from his finger.

Somehow I end up lying with my head in his lap while he leans against the post. He's running his fingers through my hair and it's quiet, comfortable.

The sun is setting just below the water line. The sky afire with orange and pink, and it's so pretty. It's peaceful. The only sounds are the murmur of voices on the boardwalk, the waves crashing into the shore, and our breathing which is steady and in sync.

Edward finally breaks the silence. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

"My brother and his wife are coming down. They do it every weekend. I'll have to spend some time with them." For the first time in a really long time, I don't want them to be here. I know Emmett and I know he'll overreact about Edward.

"Yeah? Do I get to meet the big brother? Should I be scared?" he jokes.

"We'll see. I just want to keep you to myself for a while longer," I answer truthfully. He leans down and kisses me.

"Alice and Jasper loved you." I look up at him, and he's smiling.

"I liked them too. They're both nice."

He laughs, "Alice is a lot of things; she's loud, pushy and a pain. Nice is not a word I'd use to describe Alice at all."

"She was nice to me," I counter.

"Give it time." He kisses my forehead again.

"Besides spending time with your brother, what are you doing?" he persists. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"I have to work a few hours. Give my mom a break."

"Oh." I'm pretty sure he's pouting.

"Do you have plans tomorrow?" I ask.

"I have to run a few errands, and then I have to be at work at four."

Now, I'm pretty sure that I'm the one who's pouting.

"You could always come in..." he trails off hopefully

"You did promise me an Isabella special. Maybe Alice can meet me? I really do like her."

"I bet you do. I'm sure she'd be happy to hang out. I'll mention it to her."

It's quiet for a while and soon, he rubs his hands down my arms.

"Babe, are ready to go?"

I nod, and stand up.

We walk back to Edward's and sooner than I'd like we are standing in front of his door.

"Alice and Jazz are out. Come in?" he asks. I nod, and we both walk into the house. We decide to go sit outside in the back.

Edward sits down in a lounge chair, and instead of sitting in the one next to him, he pulls me down with him encouraging me to lean back against his chest. I'm getting tired, but I don't want to leave. I relax into his chest and I can't fight the feeling of security I have with him anymore.

Before I know it he's shaking me awake and laughing.

"Izzy? You okay?"

I crack open one eye and give him a lazy smile. "I guess I should go," I say, sitting up and stretching.

"Or you could stay," he whispers. "I won't bite... unless you want me to."

"Okay," I reply groggily. He chuckles, telling me that was too easy. He lifts me and carries me inside. I'm aware of him walking up the stairs and into a room. He flips on the light and slowly sets me down on the bed, kissing my forehead.

"Do want something to change into?" he murmurs. I think I nod. I watch as he walks to the closet. Suddenly, I'm wide awake because Edward is taking off his clothes. He puts on a pair of shorts, but remains shirtless. He walks into the bathroom, closing the door slightly and I hear water running.

He's so sexy, and the desire is definitely there. Despite the fact that I know it's moving too fast, I want him. Tonight and forever.

The last thought doesn't even scare me like it should. His age should make me nervous, and with any other guy it might, but with Edward I don't even give the issue a second thought.

I don't wait for him to get me a change of clothes. I crawl under the covers, taking off my shorts and shirt, and lay down in just my bra and underwear.

Edward comes out, chuckling and calling me a sleepy head. He gets under the covers and pulls me to him. He freezes when he feels my bare skin.

Unaware of whether it's the lust or alcohol, I don't think as I turn over, pull him to me, and I kiss him. Hard.

He's all hands and soon I'm on top of him.

Hard muscle and smooth skin.

"Izzy." He says when I reach his boxers.

I don't stop.

"Babe? Izzy wait," he say firmly and grabs my hands.

I look at his face, and the feeling of rejection washes over me quickly.

I nod and roll over, hiding my face from his view.

He doesn't want me.

He either reads my mind, or I'm just predictable.

"God, I want you, I do. Look at me, Izzy." He tugs my shoulder and I roll toward him but avoid looking into his eyes. "I really, really do. I want it to be special though, not just some night where we've been drinking and it feels forced. Let me make it special for you, baby. Please." His voice is strained as he begs me to understand.

I don't think I can manage words right now. I nod, biting my bottom lip. I should call Renee, let her know I am sleeping out, but to be honest she doesn't pay that much attention. She has a lot of faith in me. I don't get into trouble. I don't get detention in school. I stay out at my friends all the time. She doesn't even ask where I have been usually.

Edward pulls me to him again, caressing my face.

"Thank you for understanding," he says.

"I get it." And I do.

"Edward?" I say.

"Hmmm."

"Thank you for tonight. I had fun."

"No problem. Thank you for coming with me." This time he's the one kissing me.

That night I fall asleep, wrapped in up in Edward's arm, and more complete than ever.

I don't see him as a Sunseeker anymore and I know I can't keep my promise. By the end of the summer I'm pretty sure I'll be in love with him.

He's Edward.

_My Edward._

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	3. Chapter 3

We don't own Twilight, but I own a laptop with lots of pictures of Rob... have you seen the new pics?

Heaven.

**Chapter 3: Father? Boyfriend?... Brother**

**BPOV**

I'm sitting out by the pool at the motel, the place I call home. I like to sit by the plastic palm tree. Don't ask me why.

Emmett and Rose will be here any minute to spend the weekend. Normally, I'd be really excited to see Emmett but all I can think about today is Edward. I want to see him again. I want to kiss him again. I want to hold his hand again. Emmett poses a challenge to all those wants. He is more protective than Mom. He asks questions that she should be asking but isn't.

I don't know how I am going to manage to get to Keenan's tonight. I can't come home drunk at two-thirty . Emmett will notice and he will give me a hard time. Then he won't let me out of his sight the whole time he is here, and that just can't happen.

I hear a car pull into the parking lot and I crack open one eye, squinting against the sun. Sure enough it's Emmett. I get up from my lounge chair to make my way over to greet him.

"Bella!" he bellows and wraps me with a hug that lifts my feet off the ground.

He puts me down and kisses my forehead. "How's my baby sister? Staying out of trouble?" he asks.

"Of course, Emmett."

Rose comes over and kisses my cheek. She has a tendency to be pretty frosty but has warmed up to me over the time she's been with Emmett.

"Go get something to cover up with. We want to go up on the boards to get some pizza", Emmett tells me.

I run inside and slip on a pair of jean cut-offs. It's hot so I pull my hair up into a messy bun and slip on my flip flops. When I come back out, Emmett takes on look at me and tells me to put on a shirt. I tell him to stop acting like my father.

Emmett makes Mom come too and soon we are sitting in an orange booth at Macks, stuffing our faces with pizza. I sit next to Emmett, facing the open entrance while Mom and Rose sit across from us. I catch a glimpse of cooper hair outside the door. My heart begins to race. My palms sweat. As I sink down into the booth, my sweaty back squeaks against the unforgiving vinyl of the orange booth.

Edward is right outside with Alice and Jasper. Alice is talking loudly. Alice wants pizza. I pull the rubber band out of my hair and let it fall in my face, hoping that it has created a shield of disguise. The twenty-four-year old guy I'm dating, who thinks I am more than a seventeen-year-old kid, is about to be in the same room as not only my mother, but also my very overprotective brother. This is the worst thing ever.

As Edward, Alice and Jasper walk through the door I pray that they get their slices to go. They place their order at the counter, and of course I over hear Alice say she will find them an empty booth.

"Bella is something wrong?" my mom asks. I just shake my head, too terrified to speak as Alice scurries past the table, oblivious to her surroundings. At least Edward doesn't know me as Bella. Of course she seats sits down in the booth behind ours.

I watch in sheer terror as Edward and Jasper grab their pizza they and walk towards us. I don't know what to do but I can't let Edward see me. Not here. Not with my family.

Without thinking, I duck under the table. I inhale sharply and hold my breath, hoping beyond all hope that I will become invisible. I don't know what I was thinking...maybe if I didn't breathe I wouldn't exist in that moment. I bang my head against the table on my way down, once there, I see and suddenly realize what a bad idea this was. It is gross under here. Gum is stuck to the underside of the table and the floor is nasty, I want to cry.

Emmett leans his head down and gives me a look that says "what the fuck?" "Ummm, Bella…what are you doing down there?"

"I...um... thought I dropped something," I replay, my voice raising at the end as if I'm asking a question. I am such a bad liar. Thank goodness he doesn't ask what I dropped. I can't even think of anything that would make sense.

I slowly crawl back into my seat. I hear Edward speak, and I realize that if the booth wasn't separating us, we would be back to back.

I hear Alice ask Edward about "_his_ Izzy." She wants details because I stayed the night.

"Alice, just drop it, okay?" he pleads with her.

"Are you going to see her again?" It's clear that Alice has no intention of dropping it.

"She is supposed to come to the bar tonight," he says. "She was hoping you to would come too."

She claps and I can feel the seat vibrate with her bouncing.

"So I should take that as a yes?" Edward laughs. Alice confirms with a sarcastic "duh".

The next second, my phone starts ringing and my mortification grows. I don't even have to look at the screen because I gave him a personalized ring tone. Thank God he doesn't know that. I don't want to hit ignore, it's already weird enough that the minute he places a call another phone starts ringing. I mean, the world is full of cell phones, so that's not unusual but, if I push ignore and the ring stops at the same time he gets sent to voice mail...I fear he will turn around.

"Aren't you going to get that, B?" Emmett asks.

I shake my head, still too terrified to talk. I'm hoping he doesn't leave a message. He doesn't, but a minute later my phone chirps with a text message. This might be too much.

"That's weird," Edward notes. He turns around and I can hear his movements. What am I going to do? I can't dive underneath the table again.

"Move," I half whisper half yell at Emmett as I try to push past him to get out of the booth. I feel claustrophobic all of a sudden.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Emmett asks as I get hop out of the booth.

I ignore him, praying he doesn't follow me.

"Izzy? Is that you?" I hear Edward call after me. It takes every fiber in of my being to ignore him. To deny him. I don't have a choice though. Not if I want to keep him, even if it is only for the summer.

Before I know it, I am under the boardwalk in the same spot I shared with Edward. I collapse against the post, out of breath. I don't know what the hell I am thinking. My hand shakes as I call Edward back. I don't know if it's a lost cause.

"Izz?" he answers.

I try to sound calm as I respond. "Hey, did you call?"

"Yeah. Funny thing, I could have just sworn you darted out of Mack's," he tells me.

What's one more lie?

"Really? I've been out by my pool all day. You must miss me a lot."

"Oh is that it? I'm seeing you everywhere I go because I miss you so much?" I can hear his smile.

"Must be." I tell him.

"Well, Alice said she'd come tonight. I just wanted to let you know."

"Who are you kidding? You just wanted to hear my voice," I tease. Edward laughs I feel a huge weight lift off of me.

I know I can't keep talking. I have to say goodbye and get back to the hotel. Emmett is going to give me the third degree. I tell Edward I will see him tonight and I end the call. I walk back home, trying to come up with a good reason for why I ran out. Why I acted to so weird. Why some guy called after me.

I don't use any of the stories I come up with. I tell Emmett I don't feel good. I get defensive when he asks me why that guy called after me.

"How should I know Emmett? I'm not a freakin' mind reader!" I yell and slam my bedroom door in his face.

It's not how I want to spend my time with him. This is what happens to me though when I feel trapped. I get defensive and hide. I hear my mom say not to worry, I must have my period. The walls here are paper thin. I'm not going to let Emmett being all fatherly stop me from doing what I want, but since I can't answer his questions, I decide to I spend the rest of the day in my room.

Later in the afternoon I text Edward about tonight. He tells me I can stay over again. He will drive with Jasper to work, then he will drive my car back to his place. Since he won't be drunk this idea works for me.

When it's time to get ready I make my hair pin straight with my flat iron. I love blue so I put on my blue striped jersey dress. The top hangs loose on my shoulders and has dark and light blue thick stripes. The bottom is solid light blue super tight and super short. I have great legs and this dress definitely shows them off. I even have matching blue suede pumps. I grab my navy tote, cause everything has to match, and I walk out of my room.

Emmett stares at me with wide eyes. "Where the hell are you going dressed like that?"

"What are you, my father?" I respond sarcastically. He isn't use to me acting like this. He doesn't know what to say. I've left him momentarily speechless. Unfortunately, that doesn't last long.

Emmett turns on Mom. "You let her go out like that? Do you even know where she is going?"

"Emmett, your sister is a responsible girl who never gets into any trouble. I don't see the problem with her getting dressed up to hang out with her girlfriends."

I give Emmett a cocky smile.

I turn back to Mom and say, "I'm staying with Jess and Lauren. I'll be back in the morning." She reminds me to be good as I storm out the door.

I walk to my blue Mini Cooper, climb in, and I speed off down the road.

As I walk up to the already crowded bar, the bouncer opens the door and lets me in without a second glance. He knows me by name. Well, kinda. I'm Edward's girl. That thought makes me smile. Edward see's me and says something to Jasper, and a second later he is hugging me hello.

"You look stunning. As usual," he says, giving me a peck on my lips. I see Alice at the bar. She has a seat saved next to her. Edward reaches for my hand, as he leads me over, then returns to his place behind the bar.

Edward ignores the people that have been standing around waiting for drinks and makes mine instead.

"You should pay attention to your paying customers or you won't make any money tonight," I tell him.

He laughs and says, "You think I need this job?"

"How else are you going to pay your summer rent on that house?"

"Umm, I don't pay...it's my parents." he tells me.

I am surprised. "Oh. I didn't know you came here every summer."

"We don't. Haven't been here since the summer before tenth grade. Over the last few years my parents have just rented it out," he explains.

"Well, I'm glad you came back this summer," I smile at him. He leans in and kisses me. I feel his thumb move along my jaw. His tongue darts out against my lips and I open to grant him access. I hear huffing, sighs, and comments like "Dude, can I get a drink?" and "Isn't this guy supposed to be working?"

Edward pulls away and asks the disgruntled customer what he needs. The guys asks for a beer and Edward gives it to him for free. The guy tips him five dollars, and then smiles and says if he had such a pretty girl as me to kiss, he'd probably ignore assholes like himself too.

Edward is so charming that people can't help but like him, even if they really want to hate him.

Alice and I begin to talk and Edward returns for a kiss whenever he gets a free second. I'm having a great time but as the night moves on I start to feel bad because most of what I tell Alice are lies. Well, maybe not so much lies, as I am only telling her the things I want to do or hope to have done by the time I am twenty-one.

Alice starts to tell me about the summers they spent here when they were younger. When she starts telling me about mentions Emmett I want to spit out my drink. She doesn't know she's talking about my brother. I haven't told her anything about my brother or the name of the hotel we own. But I barely conceal my shock when she tells me her first kiss was with a boy named Emmett and he lived at the Twilight Motel.

I shouldn't worry about it. I mean, I'm not about to tell her she's talking about my brother or that I live at Twilight. They were like twelve. Even if they ran into each other, what are they chances they would recognize each other?

I excuse myself to break the seal. I know I will be in the bathroom all night now but it has to be done. I am washing my hands when the bathroom door swings open and a head full of blonde curls walks through. Her blue eyes meet my brown eyes in shock and horror through the mirror.

"Bella!" she shrieks.

"Rose!" I exclaim as I turn around to face her.

"What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you get in? Emmett is going-"

I stop her before she can finish that thought. "Please don't tell him!" I beg. "Please! I just..I'm being a teenager. I mean...are you mean going to stand there and tell me you never entered a bar before you were twenty-one?"

She can't answer me.

"That guy from earlier...he is here. The bartender. He was calling out for you, wasn't he? That is why you were acting so weird at Mack's."

I close my eyes. This game is so over. She isn't a dumb blonde. Far from it.

"Please...I really like him," I tell her, because it's the only truth I can offer.

She pulls me over to the sitting area in the bathroom for what I'm sure will be a complete tongue lashing. We sit in the two chairs just inside the door and she begins. "Bella, you are seventeen-years-old. What in the world could you have in common with that man?" she asks as she raises her hand to point a finger toward the main room me. She is concerned. She is acting like a sister.

"Rosalie...I don't know. It's not like that though." Her questions and tone of voice make me feel very small. "Please, just...don't ruin this for me. Don't make me look like some child."

"You are a child," she reminds me. "I can't just turn my back while you do whatever you're doing with this guy. It isn't right." I know she won't budge.

"Fine." It's time for more lies. "I'll end it. Just don't say anything to anyone. Let me handle this. If you say something, he will get in trouble, the bar will get in trouble, and Emmet will go ballistic. Neither of us want Emmett fighting anyone tonight. Please, Rose."

"Promise Bella," she urges me.

"I promise," I answer in a breathy whisper.

Rose nods reluctantly. "Give me a few minutes to get Emmett outside...he ran into some girl he knew over the summer when he was like twelve," she tells me.

Just my luck.

I wrap her in a hug and tell her, "Thanks Rose." "Don't make me regret this," she warns then gets up and walks out of the bathroom.

I wait patiently and five minutes later she sends me an "all clear" text when it's safe to go out. I stand up, smooth out my dress, and make my way back to my seat at the bar. I give Alice a tense smile, and she immediately goes into how funny it is that she ran into Emmett just as right after she was talking about him.

She turns and searches for him, I guess wanting to point him out to me. Edward walks up and moves to kiss me but I stop him. "I have to go."

"Are you okay? How are you getting home?"

"I just...my head hurts. It's too loud."

His brow wrinkles in concern. "You can't drive. You have had too much to drink."

"I'll walk," I tell him.

He doesn't give up. "Jasper, I'm going to take Bella home. Cover for me?" he asks. Jasper gives him a thumbs up sign.

I apologize to Alice for leaving early. I tell Edward I am sorry that he has to take me home. Then I wave to Jasper with an apologetic look. I'm causing all sorts of trouble this evening.

Edward grabs his keys and takes my purse. His hand is on the small of my back as he guides me out the side door. "Still staying with me tonight?" he asks, as he unlocks the car. He opens my door, and I slide in. Do I have a choice? It's not like I can have him drop me off at Twilight.

"I don't want to be in that big house all by myself," I tell him.

He leans down so he's at my eye level and caresses my cheek. "I'll stay. Alice can hop behind the bar if Jasper really needs help. She waits tables there, so it's no big deal," he explains. Without another word he closes my door and heads for the driver's side of the car. Once inside, he takes my hand in his and kisses my knuckles before driving away from the bar.

**EPOV**

All night Izzy's been driving me insane.

No, that's a complete lie.

She's been driving me insane since the first night she walked into the bar.

I'm almost one hundred percent positive that this is a good thing.

I hold her hand all the way home, resting our clasped hands on her soft leg. Everything about her is so soft, so feminine.

And perfect.

It's silent on the way back to the house and she leans her head back against the seat, closing her eyes. We stop at a stop red light and I raise her hand to my lips again.

"Edward?" She says quietly.

"Yeah?"

She looks at me quickly, but then averts her eyes. "I kinda lied. My head doesn't hurt."

Before I can say anything, she takes a deep breath and starts talking.

"I saw someone at the bar that I did not want to deal with. It would ruin tonight, and I didn't want that. If he saw me the evening would have been a disaster. I just want to spend time with you."

Him?

Him as in an ex-boyfriend? Possibly crazy ex-boyfriend?

She doesn't give me a chance to ask.

"If you want, you can grab your car and I can go home. I'll be okay driving. I'm sorry if I ruined your night." She finally looks up at me with sadness and a touch of insecurity in her eyes. "If you didn't want to leave then you can go back to the bar..."

I cut her off before she finishes.

"Why would you say that? Because You think I'd rather be stuck behind the bar tending to drunken people? I'm here with you and that's all that matters. There's no place I'd rather be." I cast a firm look in her direction and she smiles back.

We reach the house and I open the door for her. and I give her my hand to help her out of the car, then scoop her up into my arms and I spin. She giggles and snuggles into my chest. I carry her all the way inside like that. When we reach the couch I drop her suddenly. She squeals in surprise and then starts to laugh.

"Let's watch a movie? Do you like 'em scary?"

She makes a face.

"Guess not. How about you decide, and I'll order take out. Chinese sound good?"

"That sounds great," she replies, getting up to look at the movies.

I give her a quick kiss on the forehead and go into the kitchen to find a menu. I try not to think about the guy she basically ran from. I'm jealous and completely curious about who he is. Was it serious? How serious? All of these questions are going through my head, but I'm scared to ask. Anytime I ask her something personal, she pulls away from me, putting up her wall again. So I decide not to ask her. Instead, I walk up behind her, and wrap my arms around her waist as she's looking through the movies.

There are a lot of old movies. Movies from when we were kids. We haven't been back here in a while, and it shows. She scans them, running her finger along the spines, focusing on the titles.

"Food should be here in about ten minutes. Want some wine?"

She nods, still focused never breaking focus. I get the glasses and a bottle of dad's favorite and put them on the coffee table. When I'm finished, I return to her, my arms around her, and start planting kisses on her neck. I can't keep my hands off of her.

"Mmm. You have so many movies, I haven't seen any of these," she says, leaning her head against my chest.

"Really? Let's watch _Crybaby_. it's been a while; blast from the past?" I grin.

"Umm…yeah, okay." She nods, then turns in my arms and smiles. I let her go so I can pour the wine for us. The doorbell rings, so I go to answer it and pay for the food.

We sit and spend the next several minutes eating, laughing, and talking. Then I get an idea.

"Are you doing anything tomorrow?" I ask.

She wipes her mouth. "I told Jess I'd come over for a while. I don't see her anymore because someone's been monopolizing all of my precious time."

I grin. "Really? Someone seems to think you like it."

"Someone is correct." She leans in and kisses me.

I grin.

"You are such a messy eater!" She laughs and wipes my lips with a napkin making me laugh too.

I laugh. "Will you be there all day?" I persist.

"I don't think so. Why? What do you have up your sleeve?"

I give her a sly grin while standing up to put the movie on.

"Izzy, will you go on a date with me tomorrow?" I ask, turning back to her.

"Hmm..." She says, then scoops a forkful of fried rice into her mouth. I raise an eyebrow suggestively.

She moans.

It's not a soft moan, and I almost think it was an accident, until I see her smile.

I raise an eyebrow when she looks at me, since she hasn't given me an answer I pull out the big guns and give her the pouty face.

"Oh, stop that. Like you have to ask! I'd love to, silly," she giggles.

I stalk back to the couch. "I'll show you silly." I say, as I pounce on her and tickle her until she's gasping for breath and threatening to pee on herself.

_Such a lady._

We lay down on the couch as the movie starts.

"I need your address. I'll pick you up tomorrow at six?"

"Just pick me up at Jessica's." She says, I raise an eyebrow as she sighs.

"Will I ever get to see where you live?" I ask.

"Right, like I'm going to give that information to the guy who's stalking me." She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Honestly, I'd rather just avoid Renee and Phil. Phil seems to think he's my real dad, and while he's a great guy, he can be overbearing… just like my brother." I almost don't catch the last part because she's mumbling. " Then Renee would cause a big mess, by saying something really embarrassing, and I don't want that; especially if it's out first date."

I nod and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

"You're staying tonight, right?" I ask, because I really don't want her to go.

"Yeah, if it's still okay." She places her finger on my chest and starts drawing circles.

"When will you get it through your thick skull? I love spending time with you." I murmur, making her look at me. She blushes.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I really want you to kiss me," she whispers.

So I do. Her hands go up to automatically to my hair, and as my lips find hers. She moves her body on top of me mine, and surrounds me.

I'm not sure how long we stay like that, but we make out on the couch like teenagers. All hands, lips and Izzy. Sighs and moans. It feels like we're wrapped up in our own private bubble, just me and Izzy.

It's apparent that it's getting late, we have lost track of time because I don't even notice when Ali and Jazz walk in. Well, until I hear Alice giggle anyway. Jasper lets out a low whistle as Izzy and I pull away from each other.

"Feeling better, Izzy?" Jasper laughs, shaking his head.

Izzy's face is a bright red. I really love her blush but the sight of her embarrassment makes Jasper and Alice laugh even more. Once the laughter dies down, they say goodnight and head up stairs to their room.

I laugh, and Izzy blushes even more.

"Hmph." She grumbles, and then yawns.

"Okay. To bed with you."

I scoop her up in my arms, grabbing her things as we head to bed. I leave the mess like the slob that I am. It'll give me something to do tomorrow when I'm not with Izzy, even if it takes a whole five minutes.

I let her use the bathroom to change first, and try not to think about her undressing in the next room. It's all in vain when she comes out wearing the shortest shorts I've ever seen. My gaze travels upward and I almost laugh as I read her shirt. "Come to the dark side we have cookies." It's funny until I notice she isn't wearing a bra. Holy shit.

My reaction seems to be the one she's looking for because she flashes me an all too innocent smile, and crawls into bed, bouncing around and fluffing pillows.

And all I can think about are her pillows.

"You're evil." I say, as I grab shorts off my dresser. I walk into the bathroom and close the door.

"Duh. Read the shirt." she laughs through the door.

I change my clothes and go through my nightly routine, brushing my teeth and taking out my contacts. Once I finish I open the door slowly and then run full steam toward her, jumping onto the bed, causing her to laugh and squeal.

"I'll show you dark side. I see the only cookies I want, I say, shamelessly staring at her chest.

She leans in to me and I roll over onto her. Before I can finish what we started downstairs, she pulls away and yawns. I kiss her forehead, then her nose and then her lips. Then I roll over onto my back, and pulling her to me.

"I'll pick you up at five, okay?" I ask.

"I thought you said six?" she sighs, snuggling up to me and throwing a leg over mine.

"Mmm, I don't think I can wait that long. Will that be a problem?"

She laughs, and kisses my chest. "Just text me whenever. Jess' house can get pretty boring."

"If you give me a choice, I may not even let you leave." I say as I press my lips to the top of her head.

"How about I just meet you here?" she asks. She suddenly sounds more awake and seeming more wary. Her sudden cautiousness catches me off guard, but I shrug it off.

"Uh…sure. I guess that will work."

"K." She sighs contentedly and puts her hand on my chest; right over my heart.

I fall asleep listening to the soft sound of her breathing and the warm feel of her hand on my chest. I wonder if she knows that my heart already belongs to her; whether I had a choice want it or not.

I wake up the next morning, surrounded by Izzy. Her lips are slightly parted, and she's facing curled up against me the same way she was last night. Her hand is still on my chest.

So beautiful.

The surge of emotion I feel is almost overwhelming. In only a short amount of time she's completely captivated me. My every thought, my everything.

The thoughts scare me. It's been such a short time but I already love everything about her.

Love? I don't know how it feels to be in love. My Mom always said, "When it's love, you'll know."

_I love you, Izzy. _I think.

Did I know?

Fuck, I didn't know.

She mumbles my name, and I expect to see her brown eyes looking up at me. She sighs and snuggles closer to me. Her breathing evens out and I realize she's still asleep.

I check my phone and see that it's only ten in the morning. There's also a text from Alice:

_Pancakes, omelets, bacon, fruit and muffins. Jazzy didn't know what to make._

My chest vibrates with silent laughter.

"Whatcha laughing at?" Izzy's says with her voice full of sleep. I look over and find the brown eyes that I love looking back at me.

"Jazz cooked enough food to feed an army. He didn't know what you liked."

I kiss her, and she wrinkles her nose.

"Edward, I have morning breath! Gross!" She pushes against my chest, trying to get away.

I laugh at her antics. "Don't be such a girl. Kiss me."

"No!" She laughs, pushing me away.

I flop back on the bed my arms over my chest, and try to look disappointed.

"Hey," she says, completely falling for it. She tries rolls on top of me, and leans in. I dodge her advance, and sit up.

"Ew, morning breath! Disgusting, Iz."

She frowns and reaches for me, but I run into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Ugh!" She yells in exasperation as I laugh at her.

I finish up in the bathroom and walk out to see Izzy standing right outside the door, arms crossed, toe tapping impatiently, bag in hand. She's obviously still pouting. She pushes me out the way, and slams the door.

I decide to wear gray shorts and a white t-shirt. Izzy comes out of the bathroom wearing a black strapless dress. It's so short and her legs are so, so long. And perfect. Everything about her is so damn perfect.

"No more morning breath?" I ask.

"No more, but it doesn't matter because I won't be kissing you anytime soon," she says with an evil smirk.

Challenge accepted. She'll totally crack first.

I walk over to her, stopping with just inches between us. I lean in and pushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. I hear her breath hitch and it takes everything in me not to kiss her. It may seem sound cocky, but I know she'd let me. I see it in her eyes right before I stand straight, give her a wink, and walk out of my bedroom.

"Come on Iz, let's go eat." I call over my shoulder as I walk down the hallway. I hear her stomp her foot in frustration, but she follows me down the stairs anyway.

I walk into the kitchen and find Jazz and Alice sitting at the table. It would appear that he was feeding her strawberries, while she sits straddling his lap. There's a bowl of fresh berries on the table and Jazz is holding a half eaten one in his hand, but at the moment, they are just making out. I'd think it was funny except for the fact that this is my little sister we're talking about.

I clear my throat so they know they're not alone anymore. Alice starts to giggle.

Jasper looks over at me. "I guess we're even from last night?" he asks, rubbing his palm on Alice's back. I laugh, and start fixing a plate of food and cup of coffee for Izzy.

Seconds later she stomps into the kitchen, glaring at me.

"Jerk," she mumbles, sitting down in the a chair.

"Morning Alice, Jasper," she says, smiling sweetly at them.

I sit next to her, as Alice and Jasper look between us. I pull her chair closer and she glares at me. I offer her the plate and coffee. Her face immediately brightens.

"Thank you." she says, handing me a piece of bacon.

We talk and laugh with Alice and Jasper. Izzy and Alice make plans to go shopping soon. They talk about some vampire movie that's coming out, and I ignore them when they start talking about how hot the leading actor is.

Jazz asks me if everything is okay, glancing at Izzy from the corner of his eye. I nod and tell him how much of brat she can be; he laughs shaking his head.

We clean up the mess as they still continue to talk.

Typical women.

The house phone rings and I reach to answer it. I have no doubt that it's Esme. Looking at the caller I.D. confirms it.

"Hey, Mom."

"Edward! How is everything?"

"Great," I say, as Izzy and Alice giggle in the background.

"Oh! Is that Alice? Who is she laughing with?" Mom is throwing out questions like a typical nosy mother.

I groan, but I know she means well. I know Alice has told her about Izzy. It was only a matter of time.

"Yeah. It's…uh, Izzy. "

"Oh, that's so great! You seem to be spending a lot of time with her!" She says. I don't really want to discuss Izzy with her.

"Yeah. How's dad?" I ask, trying to change the subject. It works, at least for the time being.

"Oh, he's good." She starts to tell me that he's been working long hours again. She moves on to her book club, and all of the galas and charity gossip that I could care less about.

She mentions that Dad has a friend, Marcus, in Wildwood who told him about a job at the high school. Carlisle told him about me graduating and looking for a job. Marcus told Dad if I needed the job, it was mine. Marcus is the school board president. All I need to do is contact him and discuss it. I tell her I'll think about it. I guess I already have the house here but my home is in Chicago.

I'm not sure how I feel about the possibility of staying here? If I did that then I could be with Izzy. Is it too soon?

But it is a job.

Eventually, I tell Mom I have to go and hand the phone to Alice. Izzy and Jazz are talking about some art museum and I love how much she loves art.

"Hey," I say, sitting next to her.

She smiles at me and runs her finger down my arm from shoulder to wrist. "I have to leave soon. Can I have a kiss before I go?"

"I don't know, can you?"

She drops her hand and exhales loudly through her nose."You win."

That's all it takes for me to pull her to me and kiss her, hard.

I'm so caught up in the kiss that I forget about Alice and Jasper the other people in the room until I hear Alice giggling on the phone.

"...are soooo cute mom!"

I pull away but reach for Izzy's hand to lead her out of the kitchen.

We return to my room so she can grab her bag and her phone. I notice she's leaving the shirt she slept in. I don't say anything. It will be nice to have her here, even when she's not.

I walk her outside and kiss her good bye. One kiss turns into two kisses which turns into a ten minute make-out session before she finally pulls away and walks over to her car. I start to follow her. She holds up one hand as if to say stop.

"No. Stay right where you are or I won't be able to leave." She uses a firm tone, but says it with a smile. She blows me a kiss and gets in her car.

I watch her drive away and start counting the hours until I see her again.

The word love enters my mind again.

She drives me insane… and I wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

I can't tell you how happy I am with all the reviews. I'm glad you guys like the story :)

You can find me own facebook... meguhbot at gmail dot com

We also made a fan page for the story, we'll post outfits and such.

Link to Bella's outfits are on my profile.


	4. Chapter 4

_SM Owns, Meg and I don't. Sad but True. _

_Lots of love to HippieStarr and My2GalsPal for the pre-reading and proof reading to make sure this isn't too bad with mistakes! LOL!_

_BIG HUGE thanks to Ariana for the banners! You rock girl! If you want one, PM and I will get the link for you! _

_ALSO, lots of love to the girls at TFFA (Twilight Fanfic Addicts) on Facebook for all the support._

_Chapter 4: Cherry Blossoms and Sushi_

_EPOV_

After Izzy leaves, I really can't take the blue balls anymore. Sleeping with her is good. But I am dying to actually sleep with her. Sure, I could have screwed her the night we met, but she is more to me than some one night stand or a summer fling, and I want her to know that.

This is all really fucked up. I promised her I wouldn't be more than her summer fling. That I wouldn't fall for her. Now here I am wanting to be more than a fuck. Thinking I love her. Contemplating taking a job, and on the pro side of my list to take said job is being closer to Izzy.

She left not an hour ago to spend some time with her friends and I already miss her. My cock is throbbing from all the innocent sleeping, and all I can think about is her being at my door again at five o'clock for our date.

There is a movie theater on the boardwalk, close to the boardwalk mall. I hate listening to the tram car on the boardwalk. I have to admit I've been dealing with a lot of things I wouldn't normally put up with in order to spend time with Izzy. To show her a good time. I know this is her home. The boardwalk is probably nothing new to her, but I think I can make it a new experience. I have a feeling she never gets to enjoy the things right outside her door because it's so ordinary to her. I want to make it extraordinary. I want to show her she can enjoy the things she has become complacent with.

So I will deal with the annoying, "Watch the tram car please," as the small yellow car carries vacationers down the two mile boardwalk. I will endure the crowded boardwalk at night, because I will have Izzy's hand to hold. I will take her into store after store, even though they all have pretty much the same things, for the same prices. I want to share everything with her.

Next week is the Fourth of July and I will take her to the beach to watch the fireworks. She spends every summer watching people have fun while she and her mother provide hospitality and the environment for a nice relaxing vacation. When does Izzy get a vacation? I think she'd be happy with any little relaxation. That's what I want to give her.

Idea's start form in my mind about the Fourth: blankets, beach, under the Boardwalk, candles, the sound of the ocean, me, Bella, fireworks. Lots of fireworks.

We always find ourselves under that damn boardwalk. It's almost like it belongs to us. It's not like I want to announce to Bella, "Hey, Babe, look at how I plan for us to have sex." It's more like, I'll plan it and if things work out then my cock stops aching and our relationship becomes more than just a summer fuck without actually having to say it. If we don't actually say it then maybe it won't freak her out.

I should spend some time and talk to her because I have so many questions. They just keep on growing and branching out the more I fall for her.

I want to know why I'm not allowed to fall for her. I want to know what happened to make her think we can't be more. Declarations aside, when she is with me it seems like she's forgotten her own rules. Maybe she hasn't though. Maybe it's just easy for her to turn her emotions on and off.

I want to know about the guy we ran from. Did he hurt her? Does he still want her? Are they on again, off again? Is this just an off moment for them? Is that why she doesn't want to start anything?

Better yet, should I ask her any of this or should I just embrace what I have with her and live in the moment? Of course, maybe if she knew how serious I was, if she knew I didn't have to leave Labor Day weekend, then just maybe her limitations for our relationship would change. I'm scared that my leaving has nothing to do with her limits. I'm really afraid it has everything to do with another man.

As I sit out back thinking about all of these questions I rub my hands over my scruffy face and sigh. I can't force anything. Whatever will be will be. I chuckle at myself, not because of the song reference, but because of the years Alice spent torturing me with that damn movie Heathers. I see flashes of croquet, Shannon Doherty and Winona Ryder.

The future's not ours to see. Que sera sera. I'm just going to do what comes naturally.

"What's so funny?" Alice asks.

"Just thinking."

"About what? Izzy?" She says Izzy's name with a sing-song lilt in her voice and a smile on her face.

"Yeah, not that it takes a mind reader to figure that out." We laugh together at my comment.

"I really like her. I think she is perfect for you," she says matter of fact tone.

"You hardly know her," I reply with a roll of my eyes.

"I know, but I do know you. I haven't seen you this happy with a girl...well, ever. You should take the job. She is the one."

"Okay, let me move my entire life from the mid-west to the north east, for a girl I have known a few weeks, because my sister is convinced she is the one. Let the record also show, said sister believed she was going to marry Luke Perry for the better part of her pre-teen years."

"Shut up!" She laughs and shoves my shoulder. She tries to defend herself. "I was just a kid! At least I was cool, Nerdward!"

"Alice, why are you teasing me? Are you twelve again?" I ask, pulling on a lock of her hair by her ear.

"Don't pull my hair!" she shrieks.

"Whatch'ya gonna do? Tell mom on me?" I laugh.

She huffs and crosses her arms. "No...JASPER!" she yells.

"That's a weaker threat than mom." I tell her.

He doesn't even come. He just calls back to her, asking what she wants. She tells him to kick my ass, and he laughs. She storms off, I assume to kick his ass for not defending her honor.

When I follow her inside a few minutes later, she is still complaining. I decide to add some fuel to the fire.

"If it were Izzy, I would have done something,"

"See!" Alice says, slapping Jasper's chest.

"Dude, would you like me to kick your ass now?"

"Nope, I got things to do," I reply. I grab my keys off the kitchen island and head out the door.

My first errand of the day is to find a florist that sells cherry blossoms. My mind is pretty set on Cherry Blossoms because they represent beauty, and Izzy is nothing less than beautiful. I have to drive forty minutes to Atlantic City to get them though.

I reconsider my plans for the evening when I pass by Izakaya in the Borgata. I stop in and make reservations. Next I text Izzy and tell her to look nice for dinner tonight. We can still make it to the movies after supper.

By the time I get back to the shore house, it's fifteen minutes to five. I rush around to make myself look decent. I throw on a black button down shirt and black slacks. I make sure my hair is just messy enough, because yes, I do have to work to make it look like I just rolled out of bed. I throw on a small amount of cologne, and just as I finish up, the doorbell alerts me to Bella's arrival.

I grab the white cherry blossom branches in the simple vase and answer the door. I feel a little odd giving her flowers when she knocks on my door, but I'm doing the best I can with the situation at hand. All my doubts resurface, leaving me to wonder where her heart is in all of this.

One look at her and all other thoughts leave my head. "Izz, you look..." She has done it again; left me speechless.

"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself," she tells me. I lean in and kiss her cheek. "Those for me?" she asks about the flowers.

"Of course," I tell her.

"Thank you. They're beautiful. I love cherry blossoms." She takes the flowers from me, walks into the dining room, and places the vase in the middle of the dining table. She tells me over her shoulder she will take them with her when she leaves.

I think I might have drool at the corner of my mouth that I need to wipe away. Watching her walk away from me in her short, gray, ass-hugging dress and black peep toe heels...words fail me. The way it drapes over her left hip makes my hands itch to touch her. I take in her feet again, how her legs look so lean, so long in those heels, her calf muscles so defined. Her toes are painted black, like her finger nails.

When I wrap my arms around her petite frame, I have to fight the urge to say words like "I love you." "You ready?" I ask instead.

"Yeah," she tells me. "What's the plan? Dinner, then a movie? I hope I didn't over dress," she says looking down.

"No, you look perfect. I went to Atlantic City today for your flowers and thought it would be cool to eat at Izakaya, keep it going with the Japanese theme." I suggest.

"That sounds great," she smiles, but something seems off. It's like she says one thing, but means another.

"They have other things on the menu if you're not fond of sushi," wondering if that's her problem with my choice in restaurant.

"No, sushi is fine," she says with a smile.

We hop in the car and head to supper. "Is something wrong?" I finally ask as I pull onto the Atlantic City expressway.

"Nope," she says. "I just...I don't gamble..."

"Oh, well good thing we are going to eat. We don't even have to go on the casino floor if it's not your thing."

"I just...I don't get the attraction and I really don't have money to just toss away," she tells me while fidgeting with the hem of her dress.

"Izz, it's fine," I tell her taking her hand in mine. She looks up at me and smiles.

Before you know it we arrive at the restaurant. Our table isn't ready yet so I order Izzy a drink at the bar. I get a bottle of beer. When I hand her the drink she looks a little nervous, but takes it anyway.

We sit close to each other at a table off to the side of the bar as we wait. Izzy is hands down the hottest girl I have seen here, and most of the girls are dressed to the nines in designer clothes.

I lean over to kiss under her ear, and tell her there isn't a girl in the place that can hold a candle to her. She giggles and pushes me away playfully.

The hostess approaches us and says, "Excuse me, Mr. Cullen. Your table is ready."

Once we're standing, I put my arm around Izzy and follow the woman to our table. I help Izzy into her seat before taking mine.

"Is there anything else I can get you, Mr. Cullen?" the hostess purrs.

"Sure. My girlfriend will have another drink," I answer with a smile.

"Of course," she smiles tensely and asks Izzy what she is having to drink. I don't know where Izzy's confidence goes, but she turns into a mouse, asking for another captain and coke.

The hostess promises her it will be right up, and I look at Izzy questioningly. "Did she upset you?" I ask.

"No, I'm fine," she says.

"Did I upset you with the whole girlfriend thing...?" I ask, worried.

"No, I mean you don't want to be flirted with while you are on a date. It's fine. This is just...fun or whatever, for the summer. I mean, come September you go back to the real world."

"Everything is fine tonight Izz. How about you tell me what's really going on?" I am starting to get the impression I was way off base with the boyfriend. It's still possible, but her words right now point to the fear that I won't always be here. She doesn't know I could fix that. I could always be here.

"I just forgot my ID in my other purse. I was worried she might card me, that's all," she shrugs.

I chuckle at myself. Sure, it would have been way too easy for her to say she is scared to lose me. Most men run from that kind of commitment, and I am yearning for her to say those words. Please, Izzy. Give me one reason to take that job.

We order sushi instead of appetizers. Izzy is a mess with the chopsticks and finally gives up. I feed her bites with mine. Izzy is simple and likes the cucumber best. She won't even try the Eel. For our dinner she orders sage marinated chicken and I get Kobe beef.

After supper, we window shop inside the Borgata. I suggest we go get dessert at Brulee at the Tropicana. She laughs and says the only thing she could make room for is the thousand dollar brownie, otherwise she can't even think about eating. I'd get her that brownie if I thought she was serious.

"Head back to Wildwood?" She nods and we make our way to valet to get my car.

It's close to nine when we get back to Wildwood. The boardwalk is packed tight with families, teens, college kids, strollers, and toddlers that I almost trip over. It's alive with people, lights, sounds, and the smell of the boardwalk fries is unmistakable.

"Paranormal Activity Two?" I ask as we stand outside the theater.

"Um, are you trying to give me nightmares?" she asks.

"Nope, just want you to hold me close," I reply with a devilish smirk.

"If I get freaked out, I'm pinching your nipples...hard," she warns.

"I might like it a little rough, babe." I pull her close to me and kiss her. I've been dying to taste that bottom lip she always has captured between her two front teeth. When I pull away from the kiss I notice it is our turn in line. I order the tickets and then notice Izzy is trying to hide herself behind my body.

"Iz? Is there something going on?" I ask, holding her shoulders.

"It's f-"

"So help me God, if you say it's fine I will lose it. You ran out of the bar last night, I swear that was you at Mack's, you won't let me come pick you up, hell you won't even tell me what motel your family runs, and now you are using me as some sort of shield. I'm starting to wonder what exactly you're hiding. Do you have a boyfriend or something? Am I just 'the other guy' to you?"

"Look," she starts as she drags me inside the theater lobby. "My life here...is complicated. This is my everyday reality. I'm not on vacation here. I don't have a boyfriend. I mean you are the closest thing to a boyfriend that I have. I like being with you, a lot, but I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now."

"Why, because you think I will leave?"

"I don't think, I know. That's just the way it is so let's not fool ourselves...okay?"

"Right. Simple and fun." I say it but I don't believe it. I just know that is what she wants to hear.

BPOV

All night I've been fighting with myself, against my feelings. I'm torn between being a bitch to push him away, or jumping him in the middle of the sushi restaurant when he tells the slutty waitress I'm his girlfriend.

Rose sent me a text when I was at Jessica's earlier. She said I have two weeks to end it, or she'll tell Emmett. I almost tell her to fuck off, but that would just make things worse. Then she'd tell me the new deadline was tonight. I finally tell her I like him but it's just a fling. It's summer and he's fun. I remind her that I know how to handle myself.

Who am I kidding? I'm only seventeen-years-old. I'm in way over my head.

I think back to last night. It was perfect, but the truth hangs over my head. He won't stay. He will return to Chicago soon. Our days were numbered before they even started.

Rose tells me to be careful. I tell her Edward wouldn't hurt me. I know he wouldn't…on purpose.

I hated lying to him about my ID tonight. I hate myself for telling him not to fall in love with me when we first met. I am such a hypocrite.

I already love him. In the short time I've known him he's made me feel things I have never felt before. It thrills me and excites me. I'm also scared shitless.

I know he's getting upset with my crazy behavior. To be honest, I am too, but I saw Em and Rose while we were waiting in line, so I hid behind Edward. I don't think they saw me. I really hope they didn't see me.

We walk to the concession stand and Edward orders a large popcorn, two large coke Icees, and nachos.

"How in the hell are you going to eat all of that? I feel like I'm going to turn into a sushi roll after dinner!" I say.

He laughs and says, "I'm a man, babe."

After this morning, I definitely know that.

The girl at the concession stand is gawking. Everyone in the theater is looking at him. I don't know whether I should be flattered that everyone wants him and I have him, or embarrassed that everyone is probably wondering why he is even with me.

Edward pays, and we go to find seats. Because whatever higher power up there hates me, I suddenly catch a glimpse of blonde hair and I hear Emmett's loud as hell laughter.

Fuck.

I let my hair fall over my face and I act like I'm looking for something in my purse. Once we pass their row, I grab Edwards hand and I pull him up the stairs.

Edward looks at me, sighs and shakes his head. He's so mad. I do the only thing I know that will make the situation better. I kiss him. I kiss him so hard that I forget we're about to watch a scary as hell movie. Someone behind us clears his throat and laughs. Edward pulls away from me, and smiles his crooked smile.

We sit down and I lean in to apologize. "I'm sorry," I whisper in his ear. "Thank you for tonight. I'm pretty sure after the movie you won't have a nipple, so I'm thanking you now."

He laughs, and pulls me closer. The movie starts and I'm just waiting for the bad, the part that will give me nightmares for the next several months..

Suddenly, my phone rings. In all the mess I forgot to turn it on silent.

"Hey asshole, turn off the phone!" someone yells from a couple of rows down.

It's Emmett. He hates when movies are interrupted.

"Don't be a dick," Edward yells back. People laugh, and I see Rose looking back.

Fuck. My. Life.

I elbow Edward. "It was my fault. Don't start shit."

He shrugs, places his hand on my thigh and goes back to watching the movie.

Looking at my phone, there's a text from Rosalie.

So help me god, do not ask me to help you with this. Em says you're acting weird and he's upset you haven't spent time with him. I'm not covering for you. Do whatever you want.

I close my phone and notice Edward is looking at me. "Everything okay?"

I nod and curl into him, enjoying the time we have together.

I was right. The movie scared the shit out of me. I spend the majority of the movie with my face pressed into Edward's shoulder and my hand locked in a death grip around his arm. I am so going to kick his ass for making me watch this. Then again, I do get to spend an hour and a half pressed up against him, so maybe it is not so bad.

The movie finally ends and I refuse to risk being seen by Rose or Em. Thinking fast, I kiss Edward and pull him to the emergency exit that leads towards the elevators. I push him against the wall and I kiss him. Hard and fast, because I can't get enough of him. Ever. When I pull away, he's smiling.

"You basically sit on my lap during the whole movie, then practically maul me in an empty hallway? When are you available for another scary movie?" He kids, showing off his crooked smile.

"Shut up. I didn't maul you."

We both know I did.

"Hmph. Let's work on that, then." he says.

I slap him as he presses the down button on the elevator.

We manage to exit the theater without running into any angry sisters-in-law or overbearing siblings. Next Edward decides it's time to shop. We go in and out of shops where Edward tries to buy me all kinds of things I don't need.

"Just let me spoil you, baby," he says, holding my hand and pulling me close to him.

"You can spoil me with fudge," I finally concede when I spot the pink and white building with a flashing old fashion bulb lit sign. Laura's Fudge Shop reminds me of simpler days when Renee would bring us to the boardwalk as children. As flighty as she was, every Saturday she'd take us to the boardwalk for the rides and Laura's fudge. This was before the hotel, Phil and Rose. Now she's too busy. It's really okay as I've grown out of the habit of needing my mommy.

I'm pulled from my memory as leads me into the shop. I'm glad no one from school is working tonight. There's some new guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. His name tag says Mike. He says hi and asks what he can get me, obviously flirting and completely ignoring Edward. For a minute I think about flirting back, just to get a rise out of Edward, but I chicken out in the end.

Edward orders enough fudge to feed ten people, and milk shakes. I get chocolate and vanilla swirl while Edward gets strawberry.

"I love strawberries," he says, and I think he sniffs my hair.

Mike not so subtly asks me for my number. Edward glares at Mike, and I think he mumbles something about "so a fudge packer." I just shake my head at Mike and tell him I'm taken. Edward breaks into a surprised smile, like he didn't know I would always be his.

Silly man.

Edward pulls me into his side, resting his hand on the small of my back. We walk on the boardwalk, then along the beach. I end up taking my shoes off so I don't die.

We end up under the boardwalk, again. I feel so warm and secure here. This place was always my favorite spot. It was an escape from Renee and her many boyfriends and from Emmett being the over protective bear of a big brother.

It's nice to have Edward here. Almost perfect.

He sits down and leans against the post, pulling me to him. I straddle his legs, much like the first day we spent together on the beach. He kisses me. Once, twice, three times.

"What are you doing next weekend?" he murmurs against my lips.

"Isn't it Fourth of July? I don't have any plans yet." I say breathily, because he is kissing my neck. I can't believe he wants to have a conversation while he does that. His kisses feel too good to concentrate on anything else.

"Good. You do now. You can come over during the day, and we'll barbecue with Jazz and Ali. Stay with me that night? They won't be home. Jasper booked a room in Atlantic City for them."

"Okay," I agree, like I really have a choice. "What else do you have up your sleeve?"

"Mmm" he says, continuing to kiss my neck, "something special, baby."

Special.

His bright green eyes find mine, and I can see so many emotions inside them.

"That is, if it's okay with you. I don't want to push. It's just fun, right?"

I can sense the sarcasm. He's throwing my words back at me.

"Let's not kid ourselves. We know that this isn't just for fun. The way...the way I feel about you, nothing's fun about it. It scares me. It excites me. You feel it, too."

He nods. "I do, babe. It's just, when I think I have you all figured out, you flip me around. I can't decide if I like it. I just want you to let me in."

"It's just what I do. I'm sorry."

I hate this. I hate lying to him. I almost tell him how old I really am, and how screwed up all of this is.

He has feelings for Izzy. Not Bella Swan, the seventeen-year-old high school student.

"Edward..." I say, but he crushes his lips to mine and I can't.

I lose all the courage I had, and I just lose myself in the kiss.

In Edward.

"I'm such a hypocrite," I say, breaking the kiss.

He looks at me, worried.

"Iz…"

"No, just listen. I fed you some bullshit line about not being Sandy and said I wouldn't fall in love with you. I've been trying to put it off, close myself out so I wouldn't. I can't."

I put both of my hands to his face, holding him there. I try to fight the words but they come out anyway, and it feels right. Everything with Edward just feels right.

"I'm falling in love with you, Edward," I whisper as the waves crash against the shore in the distance. Then I plant a soft kiss on his nose, his forehead, and finally, his lips.

He closes his eyes, and leans his head back.

Oh no, he's going to tell me to take a hike. I'm getting scared because he hasn't said anything. Maybe he doesn't feel the same way. I try to move off of his lap, but he won't let me. He opens his eyes and looks at me so intensely that I can't help but squirm and try to move away again.

"I don't think so. You don't get to say things like that and then try to run off." He searches my face for something before he speaks again. "God, Izzy. You should know, I've already fallen."

He hugs me to him and doesn't let go.

I can't help the next words that fall from my mouth.

"Best first date. Ever."


	5. Chapter 5

**Nope, nothings changed, still don't own Edward.**

**I know it's late, but I just got back from vacation.**

**Huge thanks to HippieStarr and My2GalsPal for the kick ass input and all around encouragement. **

**We can't tell you how much it all means to us that everyone likes the story. We love you guys.**

**Chapter 5: Truth and More Lies**

**BPOV**

I sit in my Mini Cooper feeling overwhelming fear, anxiety, and general worry. I'm terrified to go inside the motel. For all I know, Rose has told Emmett all about Edward. Now I'm afraid of what waits for me at home. I could open the door and walk into a minefield. The uncertainty is killing me, but Emmett would kill me faster, so I just stay in the car.

As scared as I am of Emmett, I'm even more scared of what's happening with Edward. As much as it feels right, there is this nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me it's not. He is a man, and as much as I like to tell myself that I am an adult, I'm really not. I'm still in high school.

I wanted to spend the night with Edward again but something felt off, like maybe things were moving too fast. My real fear is the sex issue. I'm not a virgin, but that doesn't mean I am experienced or comfortable with sex. I've never even enjoyed actual intercourse.

My first time was with Alex last summer. He was staying in this house with ten other guys. We had just gotten back from the beach so we were still in our bathing suits. He took me up to his room, which was disgusting; the theme of the décor was neon signs and blow up chairs. There were empty beer cans and trash all over. He pushed a bunch of dirty laundry off his bed, and then pushed me down onto it. He didn't waste any time as his hands roamed all over my body. One pull of the strings on my bikini top and it was history. The door opened and Alex turned to look at the guy standing in the door way. The intruder didn't even apologize, just smiled at Alex, assuming he was about to get laid, then slowly backed out of the room and closed the door behind him. I didn't know that sex was the expectation and Alex didn't really ask my opinion. I didn't say no though. Everything was over almost before I realized exactly what was happening. It wasn't spectacular or special. It was only memorable because it was my first time. Did I mention he left a week later and we haven't spoken since?

Since then, I've had sex with Riley a handful of times. It's basically been the same story. Sex is nothing great. For me it's been mostly awkward and uncomfortable.

This brings me back to the issue at hand. Here I am, the typical American high school student, in love with a twenty-four-year-old man. Sex is bound to come up. I want to have sex with him. I'm just so afraid he will see right through me. I might as well be a virgin in this situation. I won't bleed...but the idea of sex does make me anxious.

There are so many things I don't know about Edward, too. I haven't even asked what kind of teaching job he wants. I am worried he will tell me he wants to teach high school, in turn making me feel even more like a child.

I'm terrified that Emmett will find out about my relationship and tell me I have to give Edward up. There is no way Em would stand by and let me date a twenty-four-year-old man. He would probably kick the guy's ass too.

When I decide that the fear isn't going away any time soon and that I can't avoid my family any longer, I get out of the car and head to our apartment. I push open the front door to find Rose, Emmett, Mom and Phil all talking in the small living room.

Mom looks up from her conversation. "Hey, Baby. Have fun tonight?"

"Yeah," I smile, placing my car keys on the table by the door.

"What did you do this evening?" Rose asks me, her bitchy side in full force.

"Oh...um...Jessica and I just hung at her place. Nothing special," I shrug. I glare at her because she is only asking that question in order to hear me tell a lie.

"Rose and Emmett were just talking about the movie they saw tonight. Said it was really good. Did you see it, Bella? What was it…Paranormal Activity, or something?"

"Renee, Bella isn't old enough to see an R rated movie without an adult," Rose points out.

"Yeah, Mom. Society and their stupid standards. I mean what happens come September when I turn eighteen? Am I automatically more mature from that day forward, more grown-up than I am now?" I know I shouldn't be antagonizing Rose like this, but I can't help it.

"Society is just trying to protect you, Bella. No need to rush growing up. You have the rest of your life to be an adult," Rose says. I can hear the sincerity in her voice. She really thinks she has my best interest at heart.

"Doesn't mean I am incapable of making my own choices," I retort.

"No one said you were, Bells. Calm down." Emmett interjects.

"I'm not a kid. In a few months, I'll be eighteen. I can take responsibility for my choices, and I don't care who thinks it's not right."

"All this over an R rated movie?" Phil chuckles.

No, it's so much more. In a nutshell, I am telling Rose to back off; that I'm not going to end things with Edward. I am going to treasure each day I have with him this summer because it will be all I can ever have. I'm going to take what I can get because…What's that saying? Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Well, something cheesy like that. Regardless, I'm choosing love.

"Some choices don't affect only you, Bella. Other people can end up hurt, too." Rose doesn't forget to remind me about the potential trouble for Edward. That's not really an issue though because he won't ever know the truth. No one will ever find out.

"I know the consequences of the choice I'm making!" I yell without thinking.

"What are you two talking about?" Mom cuts in.

"What choice?" Emmett asks.

"Nothing! Forget it!" I say, storming out of the room.

I hear Rose tell them she has no idea what is going on. Should I thank her for that? She still has the chance to blow me out of the water. Why hasn't she?

It doesn't take long for her to come knocking on my bedroom door. I tell her to go away. She comes in and sits on my bed. I stare daggers at her.

"You are such a teenager, Bella," she says, pointing out the obvious. "This guy, he could go to jail. If you care about him as much as you say you do then you should tell him about the risk _he_ is taking. Or better yet, you will be eighteen in a few months. Is that really too long to wait?"

"Rose, by the time I am eighteen he will be back in Chicago, living his real life, and I will be nothing more than a memory. I just want to have the summer. This one perfect summer with this incredible man. He makes me feel...worthy, Rose."

"Are you sleeping with him?" she asks, bluntly.

"What? That is none of your business!" I answer, standing up.

"I don't want you to get in too deep," she says, standing up with me. She looks me in the eyes, her blue meeting my brown. "Sex is a big deal." 

"God, Rose. I lost my virginity last summer." 

"So what? Does that mean it's okay to have sex with random guys now? Got the first time out of the way so sex is expected on every date? Cause it's not. Boys, this man, should never expect sex, and you should never feel obligated to have it with them," she tells me.

"Edward and I haven't had sex," I reply, throwing my hands in the air in frustration. "There, are you happy?"

"I'd be happy if you came clean about everything," Rose tells me.

"Are you going to tell on me?" I ask.

"You don't seem to be leaving me many options here, Bella."

"Whatever, Rose. Let's go tell everyone, get it all out in the open! I don't care anymore!" I played the fearless card, so I'm hoping she doesn't call my bluff. I am really hoping she will back off, give me another chance.

It backfires. Horribly.

"After you," she says, opening my bedroom door, and waving her hand toward the portal, inviting me to walk out first. There is no backing down so I walk out with my head held high.

"Bella, what is going on with you?" Mom asks.

"I lied to you, about where I was tonight." I start off. She looks at me with a puzzled expression. "I met someone, a guy, and I was with him." Behind me Rose clears her throat. I turn back and glare at her.

"Man," she coughs. Mom looks between us, and Emmett is on his feet seething.

"What?" he demands.

I raise my hands in front of me and hold them palms out toward Emmett and speak in a calm voice. "He is older than me but he isn't like some creep. He's only twenty-four." I try to act like it's not a big deal.

The room is deathly silent for all of two seconds before Emmett decides to speak. "Twenty-four, Bella? That's my age! What twenty-four year old man in his right mind would date a seventeen-year-old girl? This guy is so dead!" Emmett booms.

"Emmett! Please! I do have guests in this hotel." Mom's attempting to defuse the situation. She is always so worried about appearances and confrontation. She likes to sweep problems under the rug and pretend they don't exist.

"I lied about my age, Em! He thinks I'm twenty-one. He really isn't a bad guy, okay?"

"Bella, you are too young to be involved with this man. You are not mature enough to be in an adult relationship."

At this point I've completely lost my composure. "I love him and I want to be with him! Besides, it's not like you can't stop me!" I yell at them.

"Oh yes we can," Emmett yells and points his finger at me. "You are a minor, Bella. We can and will stop you!"

"I'll be eighteen in September," I remind them and cross my arms over my chest defiantly.

"You're not eighteen yet!" Emmett shoots back at me.

"What are you going to do? Lock me in my room? Move here and follow me around? Become my warden?" I challenge him.

"If that is what it takes to keep you away from this pervert! If I ever get my hands on him..."

"Stop it!" Mom yells. "Emmett, I will handle things with your sister." She says this with an authoritative tone I have never heard her use before. She turns to look at me, "Bella, you are not to see this guy again."

That's it? That's the best she's got?

"I'm not a little girl. I can see whoever I want," I reply, my head held high. I try to look fierce on the outside but I'm a mess on the inside. I pray that I don't start to cry right now. "Why can't you trust my judgment? I have never caused any trouble, never give you a moments worry. He isn't a bad guy."

I can't hold my emotions in any longer and I feel the tears start fall. I brush them from my cheeks and look away. My mom comes to me and places her hands on my forearms; she moves her face so she is looking right at me. I take another futile swipe at the tears.

"I love you, baby. This just isn't a good choice. You still have a year left of high school." Her tone is sweet and soothing. "As your mother, it's my job to protect you."

Of all the times for her to start acting like a parent. "You don't have to protect me from him, Mom. He's a great guy," I resort to pleading and begging with the hope that she will give me a chance. If she only knew Edward, she would give him a chance.

The problem is that she can't know him. I can't go to him and tell him I have been lying. It won't make a difference how much he likes me now because he will hate me in the end.

I simply nod because I have no other choice but to 'agree' to this. "Can I go to my room?" I ask.

"Sure," She hugs me and whispers in my ear that everything will be alright. Things are so not right at the moment.

When I pass Rose, I glare at her and say "thanks a lot," my voice full of resentment.

There is no way I am going to stay away from Edward. I just have to be extra careful.

UtB

Rose and Emmett left late Sunday night. After my dating revelation Emmett made sure he knew my every move so I didn't get to see Edward again until Monday. The time without him felt longer than is should have

I sit and wait under the boardwalk with my sketch book. Within minutes I see him walking towards me. His beautiful smile is the first thing I notice. He has on a wife beater and shorts which hang low on his hips as he saunters towards me, hands in his pockets. I can see some of the shyness he must have possessed during his adolescent years peeking through right now.

I push my palms into the sand to stand and go to him because I have missed him. By the time I am on my feet, his arms are wrapped around me and he lifts me off the ground as he holds me close. His lips kiss my temple and his tongue speaks the sweetest words. "I missed you. You look so beautiful."

He ends the hug and we sit down in the sand, my back against his chest. My head rests on his shoulder; I can feel his heart beating under his thin shirt. We relax and silently watch the people moving around on the beach. He smells like banana boat suntan lotion and spearmint.

As we continue to people watch he tells me about how drunk he, Alice, and Jasper got Sunday. I feel left out. I consider telling him the truth, because at least that way we could face my family together. Show them how in love we are. Make them see that this isn't wrong.

I decide to broach the subject. "Can I ask you something?" I must be careful because I don't want to sound like I'm asking one of those 'hypothetical' questions that everyone knows is anything but hypothetical.

"Anything," he tells me with a kiss to my shoulder.

"My friend Jessica is flipping out because her little sister, who is like a senior in high school, is dating this older guy." I say.

"How much older?" he asks.

"Maybe five or six years. Do you think that's creepy?"

"As a guy five or six years older who is looking for a job teaching kids in high school, yeah, it's really creepy."

Oh God. He wants to teach high school kids? I knew I was better off not knowing.

"Even if she says they are in love?"

"I think whatever love they have can wait a few years until she grows up. Why do you care so much?" he asks. I look back, and his eyebrow is raised in question.

A few _years_. Not until she is eighteen. But a few years until she _grows up_. I analyze these words over and over in my mind. He would consider me a child if he knew. I feel sick to my stomach.

"No reason." I tell him with a shrug of my shoulder and then turn my attention back to the Sunseekers in front of us.

**EPOV**

Izzy's being quieter than usual. The silence wouldn't bother me, usually it's comfortable, but I saw something in her eyes earlier. There is something bothering her.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

"Yeah, I just got in a fight with my brother. Stupid stuff, but I hate the way it ended. I won't see him again until the weekend and I have some major groveling to do."

"Let me tell you something I know from experience. Older brothers? They're jerks."

"Oh, I know." She says, giggling.

"Give it time babe. I'm sure he'll get over it." I say, attempting to set her mind at ease.

She nods and doesn't say anything. She goes back to people watching and sketching.

"Wanna come over tonight? Alice and Jazz will be there."

"Of course," she nods and turns to kiss my cheek.

We stay on the beach for a while before we decide to head back home.

Once we get there we find Alice and Jasper on the back patio. Jazz is reading some history book while Alice is surfing the internet.

She squeals when she sees Izzy, and they immediately start chatting. I really am glad that they get along well. As they run inside, to do god knows what, Jasper looks up and laughs.

"You look like you're in pain whenever she's not around. You've told her how you feel right?"

"She knows. I think she feels the same way."

He nods.

"Does she know about the job offer? Have you thought about it?"

I shrug.

"I've been thinking about that a lot. I still don't know what to do though so I haven't mentioned it to her yet." He nods and opens his mouth but before he can say anything Izzy and Ali come back outside, giggling.

"Eddie! Izzy and I are going shopping." Alice announces. I just roll my eyes. "Now don't give me that look. You spend plenty of time with her!"

She gives me a stern look, as Izzy walks over to me.

"It's okay. You won't like die without me, will you?" She asks, then giggles with Alice again. I reach out and tickle her sides because I want to touch her and I love to hear her laugh.

"No, I won't die. Jazz and I will be fine without you two. We'll do..." I trail off and look to Jasper for a suggestion.

"Manly stuff?" Jasper says, but it sounds like a question.

It sends the girls into another fit of laughter. I'm not sure why, but soon Jasper and I are laughing too. We finally calm down and Izzy wraps her arms around me. "I'll see you soon, okay? We won't be too long... I hope."

"Babe, you're going shopping with Alice. This could take hours, if not days. You're braver than I am. If you need me to rescue you... call me."

She laughs, and I place a kiss on her forehead. Alice stands close by tapping her foot and waiting for Izzy. The problem is that I don't want to let her go. Ever. Eventually, I do.

UtB

Two hours later Jasper and I play Guitar Hero and wait for the girls to return. We have already played just about every other game there is and I'm getting restless. I don't have to work tonight and I was hoping to spend the rest of the night with Izzy.

Jasper beats me at four levels because I'm so distracted by thoughts of Izzy.

"Dude!" he laughs, smacking me on the arm. "You're pathetic. Ali sent me a text twenty minutes ago. They're on their way back so you can calm down, lover-boy."

Twenty minutes later, hands full of bags, they come in. Jasper laughs when I throw the guitar controller down and abandon the game. The girls go into the kitchen, and I follow them.

Izzy seems tense, but when she sees me, she gives me a small smile.

Jasper walks in, pulls a giggling Alice into his arms, and kisses her. I glance at Izzy and she's picking at her fingers.

Something is bothering her. I'm sure she'll tell me...when she wants me to know.

I walk away, and head up the stairs to my room. I leave the door open, and wait for her to come. Sure enough, five minutes later she creeps inside.

"Hey." She says, sitting on the bed next to me.

Instead of responding, I put my arms around her, and pull her over to sit her on my lap.

"Alice and I are going to cook dinner," she says with a genuine smile.

"Alice doesn't cook. There was this one time she tried to do it at home, and we had to call the fire department. Let her chop vegetables or something," I say, causing her to laugh.

"I heard that!" Alice says as she walks in the room, hands full of shopping bag, "You seem to forget that you were the one who told me it was okay to heat aluminum foil."

"You never ever put aluminum foil in the microwave! That's like the one thing they teach you before you're allowed to use it! You should have known better!"

"I didn't think I would almost burn down the house!" She counters, sitting down on the floor. Izzy's laughing at the two of us and our silly conversation.

"You ruined the microwave, too." I say, dodging her tiny, but lethal fists.

Alice decides play time is over and gets all serious again. "Iz, I didn't know what you wanted to do with the bags, so I brought them up here," Alice says, standing up to leave the room.

"Thanks." Izzy says, as Alice walks out, closing the door behind her.

"So, what'd you buy?" I ask curiously.

"It's a secret," she replies, waggling her eyebrows at me. "You'll see soon enough."

"How soon?" I whine. Then I lay down, pushing her down with me

I move so I'm leaning over her, I wrap my arms around her. She giggles, placing her head on my chest.

"Just know that it'll be for...something special," she says vaguely, and kisses my chest.

The Fourth of July is coming up this weekend and suddenly I get what she is insinuating. Did she buy something sexy for me to peel off of her right before we have sex? I feel like a kid at Christmas. I remember that Alice and I snooped around Mom and Dad's closet for Christmas presents one year and I found the Stretch Armstrong toy I had been begging for. Needless to say, I was nearly bouncing off the walls because I couldn't wait until Christmas. That's almost how I feel right now.

Okay, that is a lie. You would need to take that feeling and magnify it by one hundred. Not because I couldn't wait for it to happen for obvious...hard reasons, but I love her and I want to prove it to her. Maybe it was wrong, or typical, to want to prove it with sex. I need that part of her, and I want her to have that part of me. If I end up staying in Wildwood maybe we could really begin a life together. Maybe she'd let me in more.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" she asks, running her thumb along my bottom lip.

"You. Always you," I say and give her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Um, yeah... We ran into one of my ex's at the mall. The relationship ended badly, and he doesn't seem to get that it's over."

"The same guy from the other night?" I inquire, but she shakes her head.

"No...someone else." 

"Oh. So is there a reason why he doesn't understand that it's over?"

"I don't know. Maybe he's crazy. The important thing is that he knows now. "

"Yeah? So are there any other crazy boyfriends I should worry about?"

"Oh, yeah. I haven't told you about the worst one yet. He's got crazy hair, and the prettiest eyes I've ever seen." she says, putting her hands in my hair.

I raise an eyebrow. She's deflecting.

"No, you don't have to worry. I'm yours. Always."

She kisses me softly and I can't help but respond. I start to get carried away in the kiss and I don't want to stop. I know I have to though because this conversation needs to happen.

I pull away with a last soft kiss on her nose.

"How serious were they?"

"As serious as any high school romance can be," she answers vaguely.

Before I can say anything else she asks a question of her own.

"What about you? Any hearts that you've broken?"

"Maybe one or two. They were nothing too serious though."

I think about Kate and Jane. I was ready to marry Kate, but life is complicated when you're a full-time college student. She wasn't ready. I loved her, but not enough to wait around and nothing like what I feel for Izzy. This woman had me contemplating a new job and a cross country move. I was also wondering if it was too soon to ask her to move in with me.

"So, what's your number?" she asks. I want to laugh because it's like she read my mind. This is exactly what I wanted to talk about but I was too scared to ask her the same question. I could care less about crazy ex's as long as they stayed away and didn't cause trouble. I've never thought I was a jealous guy, but I guess it just took the right girl to prove me wrong.

"Six." I answer.

She nods and whispers, "Two."

The expected awkward feeling that follows such a question settles in the room. I get jealous, thinking about someone else being with her. Two. It's a lot less than most twenty-one-year old girls. She doesn't take sex lightly and I love her even more because of that.

At that moment, Alice calls us from downstairs, threatening to start cooking by herself. We race downstairs to make sure the microwave stays intact.

Jasper and I watch the girls cook. Izzy's a natural in the kitchen. She's graceful and sure of herself. She and Ali joke and laugh. I use the opportunity to sit back and observe the small details. Her hair is longer than I thought it was, almost touching her lower back. When she finds something really, really funny she throws her head back and gives an open mouthed laugh. She throws a piece of carrot at me when she sees me staring, so I pick it up and eat it.

I'm not sure what they're cooking, but Alice is chopping, stirring and not touching any kitchen appliance. She scowls at me when I point this out.

"You have to teach me how to cook something before we leave. Mom would be so proud!"

Izzy's face falls for a moment, but the smile returns just as quickly as it disappeared. I feel like such a jerk knowing that she suffers because she doesn't know that I don't have to leave.

"I'd love to, Alice." She says, bumping her hip with hers.

Once everything is finished, we all sit down at the table to enjoy our meal. The girls made Chicken Parmesan. Alice fixed a salad and baked garlic bread, only mildly burned, with no fires. Thankfully.

After we eat, Jazz and I clean up while Ali and Bella head into the living room. When we finish and go to join them, I notice Izzy has her bags.

"You aren't staying?" I ask.

"Um, no. I told Renee I'd work for the rest of the week so I could have the weekend off. I'll definitely stay then, okay?" She gazes into my eye, looking for reassurance that I'm not angry. I just smile and reach to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'll call you later?"

"Okay," I nod, and walk her to her car where I take the opportunity to kiss her deeply, anchoring my hand to the back of her head. Her head tilts to the side granting more access as my tongue moves with hers. I run my hands over her hips, up her ribs, and down her ass where I grab her and pull her into me. I know I am pressing my hard on into her, and she responds by pressing back into me.

She leaves ten minutes later when Jazz threatens to turn the hose on us.

"I bet that job offer is looking sweeter every day, isn't it?" Alice asks, grinning like the Cheshire cat.

I nod, and go up to my room.

I use the internet to look for teaching positions and respond to e-mails. Iz calls at eleven and we talk for about two hours. Before we hang up we promise to talk again soon.

"Five days." She says before she hangs up. I smile when I think about it.

I get ready for bed but before I can fall asleep, I catch sight of a paper on my bedside table, and then Izzy's shirt she left the other night. I think of nothing but her as I drift to sleep.

The next morning I wake up too early and can't manage to go back to sleep. I finally stop trying and decide to go for a jog on the beach. Somehow I end up under the boardwalk where I start making plans for Saturday. I pull the piece of paper out of my pocket, along with my cell phone then dial the number.

.

The make voice answers on the third ring.

"Hi, Marcus... It's Edward. I am calling about a job?"

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	6. Chapter 6

**SM Owns. God We wish we did, but we don't. **

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**This is the last update of 2010. It's a little sour in a good way, so don't be mad this is what you all are left to until the New Year. **

**Honestly, as of now this is my favorite chapter. One of the scenes has been in my head from the beginning.**

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**Chapter 6: Fireworks and Ocean Oasis **

**EPOV**

Izzy and I sit on the beach watch the fireworks explode in the night sky. The colors reflect off the ocean in hues of green, purple, red, and blue. A white one crackles then falls in the sky like the branches of a willow tree.

"I think that's my favorite," Izzy chimes in as her head rests on my chest. I miss half the fireworks because I can't take my eyes off her. My fingers lazily trace up and down her arm that is covered with my zip up sweat jacket. Underneath it is just her bikini top.

We have been together the entire day. I haven't seen her all week because she's been really busy working at the hotel. I met her on the beach around noon today. We hung out all day, grabbed food on the boardwalk, and before we knew it the sun was setting. We rushed back to my place where I gave her my zip up jacket to keep warm. I grabbed a blanket so we could sit on it to watch the fireworks.

Right now I'm completely caught up in her. I bury my face in her hair. It is gritty and damp because I threw her in the ocean earlier. She hit me and screamed like a girl, probably because she is a girl. She came at me, full of righteous indignation. I just laughed and threw her in again.

"Mmmm," I say, trailing my hand inside the jacket. My hand inches up her stomach. My index finger gently glides over her bikini top. Her nipple is erect, driving me insane.

"Edward, stop," she giggles, shoving my hand back down to a more family appropriate area of her body.

"I can't." I whisper. She turns to her side and smiles at me. I anchor my hand to the back of her neck and pull her lips to mine. My tongue moves in her mouth urgently. I never needed to kiss anyone the way I need to kiss Izzy.

My hands travel down her back, over her short jean skirt, and across the back of her thighs. My lips leave hers and I devour her neck. Her tiny hand travels up my shirt, and over my abs, her fingers grasp at my ribs. They dance in the small splattering of chest hair before she moves her lips back to mine.

I've almost completely forgotten about the beach full of people. We are getting carried away. I place my hands on her face, and slow the kiss down. I peck her lips once. I. Twice. Love. Three times. You. I smirk as she tries to catch her breath.

"Get a room," someone mumbles. Izzy turns bright red.

"Come with me," I whisper against her lips. She moves away from me. I stand up, extend my hand for her, and pull her up. Once she's up, I grab the blanket in my other hand and run toward the boardwalk, dragging her behind me. Full of laughter over the show we just put on we collapse in the sand under the boardwalk. After we compose ourselves, I fix the blanket. She lies down on her back and I lie next to her, mimicking her posture. We watch people's feet through the cracks as they walk past overhead.

"Can't see the fireworks," she says, turning her head to look at me with a broad smile.

"Who wants to see fireworks when we can make our own?" I ask, moving closer to her. I lean over her and slowly bring my lips to hers. She opens her mouth and our tongues move against each other slowly. I adjust my position so I am covering her with half my body. My hand goes to the zipper of the jacket, and slowly I pull it down, exposing her front tie bikini top. I pull away from the kiss to look at her in all her beauty. I kiss the valley between her breasts before I pull the string letting her top fall away. My fingers dance across her breast, as my tongue explores her stomach. Her hands move to my hair, her breathing is ragged. There are hundreds of people above us yet, down here, we are the only two that exist.

"Is this okay?" I ask her, looking in her eyes.

"Ah, huh," she nods, pulling me back up to her lips. My hand covers her tit as I kiss her, kneading and swirling her nipple between my fingers.

Maybe we should just go back to my place, my bed. I'm about to stop and suggest this, but it's useless when she rocks her hips into my hard on.

"God, Izzy," I moan. My fingers find their way up her skirt, where I push aside her bikini bottoms and feel the smoothness that is Izzy. My middle finger slides between her lips, parting them then graze her small bud. I move back down and slide it inside her, and she moans.

"Please don't stop," she says breathily.

I leave open mouth kisses along her chest as I move my finger inside her. "I love you," I tell her unable to see past the haze she has created in my mind.

She pulls my shirt up over my head and I have to remove my hand from her warmth. Her eyes stare into mine and I can see all the emotions there. Her fingers undo my cargo shorts and just as fast her hand dips inside and pulls me free.

"Are you sure you want to do this here?" I ask.

"I need you," she pleads.

Fuck, do I want to give it to her. I work quickly to get the condom from my wallet and roll it on. I pull down her bikini bottoms and push the skirt up. I pull her legs up so her feet are flat and kneel between her spread legs. I grasp myself to line up at her entrance.

I feel Izzy's leg tense, almost locking around my waist. "Relax, baby," I whisper in her ear. She lets out a shaky breath and nods. Her legs go slack, so I push in a little, and she tenses again. "Do you want me to stop?" I ask, placing a kiss under her ear. It would be so hard to stop right now, but I would.

"No," she shakes her head. I push in further, and Izzy winces.

"Am I hurting you?" I ask.

"It's just...been a while," she tells me. "I'm fine, keep going." With her encouragement I sink all the way inside of her. My hands hold her knees as I pump in and out. Her eyes are closed, her mouth open in an o shape.

Fuck, Izzy feels so good.

Her legs wrap around my waist. My hands frame her face as push back a few strands of hair that stick to her forehead. "You are so beautiful."

I speak words I have never spoken before while having sex. Sure, I have told girls they were beautiful, just not during sex. Those words, they just tumble out uncontrollably now, because she is perfect.

Her hands hold onto my neck and I can't take my eyes off her big brown eyes. She quivers beneath me as I make my strokes longer. Her back arches as her mouth falls open and my name falls from her lips. "Edward."

That sweet sound was just what I needed to hear. I lay my head in the crook of her neck and come as I bury myself as deep as I can inside her. The booming of the fireworks is constant and the colors are so bright that they are bouncing off our skin during the big finale.

I pull out, and pull Bella into my arms wrapping us in the blanket as we try to catch our labored breath.

That was hands down the best sex of my life, and I have had some kinky sex. I open my mouth to tell her how much she means to me, to tell her I have been talking to Marcus about a teaching position at the local high school, when she pulls away. She ties the bikini top then zips up the jacket before reaching for her bikini bottoms and stands to slide them up her legs. Izzy bends over and grabs my t-shirt, shaking the sand from it before tossing it to me.

"Everything okay?" I ask her, pulling it over my head.

"Yeah, of course," she says biting her bottom lip. "Just been out all day." I stand up and gather our stuff before taking her hand in mine and walking back out onto the beach. "I need a shower. I can't stand this salt water in my hair." She swings our joined hands as we walk up the stairs to the boardwalk. I smile and bow my head into her head, enjoying the smell of suntan lotion and salt water.

"I have a nice big jacuzzi tub back at the house, big enough for two," I suggest. She turns to face me, walking backwards. I pull her body flush against mine, lifting her feet a few inches off the ground. She moans into my mouth as we kiss and I can't wait to get home.

Home. It's not yet, but it could be. With Izzy close by, that could be my home. This could be my life. I don't want to tell her and get her hopes up. I have a feeling more than a few people have come and gone in her life every summer.

We climb in Izzy's Cooper and hurry to my house. She pulls up along the sidewalk out front and I am surprised when she doesn't get out.

"I have to make a phone call so I'll be in a minute, 'kay?" I kiss her nose, and tell her not to keep me waiting. When I go inside I leave the door open for her.

A few minutes later I hear the door close, and turn to see her walking in. "Everything good?" I ask.

"Yup," she smiles.

I take her hand and pull her upstairs with me into the master bathroom. I start to undress her again this time being more playful. She laughs nervously then pulls away. "Do you mind if I just take a quick shower?" she asks crinkling her nose.

"No, not at all." I don't really mind. I am a bit wounded, though.

"I'll just be a few minutes," she says. I lean down to kiss her cheek and offer to make some snacks in case she is hungry. She is always hungry so I don't wait for a reply. I have no idea where she puts all the food she eats.

She comes downstairs in the shirt she's left here and little shorts. She pulls the stool from the kitchen island and takes a seat, grabbing a piece of fruit from the fruit tray we bought for the barbecue that never happened.

"Something on your mind?" I ask her, because she is so distant. After being so close, so connected to her, I don't know why she still feels so far from me.

"What happens next?" she asks, looking down in her lap.

"I don't think I know what you mean," I reply, leaning my elbows on the island and resting my chin on my hands.

"Us. I mean you leave...you go home to Chicago. I stay here. What happens when you go back?" She looks back up at me and her eyes look a little glassy.

Saying I don't know would be the worst thing I could ever do right now. I'm not sure telling her I can stay is the right thing either. "Izz..." I start off, but I can't get her to keep eye contact with me. I walk around and turn her so she is facing me. "Look at me, Izzy." I tell her, lifting her chin. "If you think I go on with my life, if you think there is any way possible I just move on and think back on you as a fond memory, then you're wrong. I could never walk away from you."

"You might have to. We might not have a choice." She shakes her head as a tear slides down her red cheek. "There are things..."

"Things?" I question.

She shakes her head and smiles at me. "Forget it. It's not that big a deal."

"You sure about that?"

"Positive. Just some old insecurities I need to deal with."

"You can trust me, Isabella."

"I do."

"Good, because whatever happens, my heart stays with you."

"And mine follows you."

I know without a doubt that if I get this job, this is where I need to be. I smile wide at Izzy and picture the day I get to tell her I'm home.

**BPOV**

I feel something cold and wet tickling my side. I try to brush it away with my fingers, but a hand stops me. I'm suddenly aware that I'm cold all over. I open my eyes and remember that I'm naked and in Edward's bed.

"No." Edward says, his voice is soft, velvety. "It's not dry." He has a paint brush in his hand, and he gives me a smile.

I look down and gasp. He has the cherry blossom branch, which he gave me today, on the bed beside me, along with red, white, brown, green and pink paints.

I look at my body. Down my ribcage, from the side of my left breast, all the way down to my hip, he's painted a cherry blossom tree. It's beautiful. I look into his eyes, and see so many emotions. His eyebrows furrow, and then he gives me a sheepish smile.

"It's so pretty," I breathe. It goes unnoticed, because soon his lips are on mine again, and there's no holding back. There has been no holding back since last night. A quick glance at the clock shows that it's three a.m. When Edward and I got to the house, I took a shower, wanting to control my emotions. We ate fruit, giggled together, and kissed our way up into his room where we got lost in each other until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

"I love you." He whispers, before he brushes his hand down my side, it's all dry. "One more thing," he tells me. He reaches on the nightstand for aerosol hairspray. I want to tell him how bad that is for the environment, but I don't. He sprays it over the cherry blossoms, and lightly blows across it. "There. Now it's done."

"Hey," I say handing him my phone, "take a picture."

He snaps one, and tosses my phone somewhere over his shoulder with a muted thud.

With a throaty 'I love you', he's on me, around me and in me within seconds.

There's no place I'd rather be.

UtB

I wake up to the sun shining through the blinds. I'm unable to move; Edward is laying on top of me his arms holding me to him. His breath is hot against my skin.

I am in so much trouble, and I'm not referring to the fact that I have fallen for this man. I can hear my phone vibrating non-stop in my purse, but can't move at all thanks to "the cuddler". I push on Edward's shoulder trying to free myself, because if I don't call home, I am afraid my mother will do something she has never done before; ground me.

"Edward," I whisper, shoving him harder. I try to squirm out of his grip but he holds me tighter. I can't help but smile. "Edward." I say a little louder.

His only response is a groan.

"I need to get up…I have to get my phone," I whine.

"Ignore it," he mumbles.

"I can't. If my mom needs me at the hotel and can't get a hold of me she will be furious. I can't ignore my responsibilities."

Edward looks up at me and smirks. "She's been keeping you way too busy. Tell her it's my week to have you."

"Sorry. Life doesn't work that way," I shrug. The phone starts going again. "Please," I say sweetly, batting my eyelashes.

Edward sighs and rolls off me. I climb out of the bed wrapped in his sheet. I grab the phone out of my purse and open the doors to the balcony for some privacy to call my mother back. I have seven missed calls. I fucking hate Rose and her idea of right and wrong. She has no clue of the mess she has caused. Now I have my mother breathing down my neck. All I have to do is lie, but now it's an actual lie instead of just a lie of omission. Whereas Mom always just assumed I was with my friends, now she wants to hear me say it. I call my mom and just tell her what she wants to hear.

I'm with Jessica. We stayed out late watching the fireworks, just woke up, going to the beach, be back by dinner, or after cause who knows how easily Edward will let me go, or how willingly I will walk out.

I climb back in bed with Edward. "We should do something with your mom sometime. Maybe I can take you two out for dinner," he suggests.

"I don't think so," I scoff.

"Why not? Don't you want me to meet her? Embarrassed to be dating a teacher? I'm not a nerd, as much as Alice would like you to believe that." He seems playful but there a hint of truth.

I do want to cringe at the fact that he is a teacher, but not for the reason he thinks. Plus, last weekend he told me he is looking into a teaching job in a high school. I really wanted to throw up after that. As much as I want to come clean, as much as I want to tell him the truth. I can't now. I know it would be a deal breaker for him. I don't even think the fact that I am months away from my eighteenth birthday would be enough. I am still in high school. I try to refocus on this new roadblock which is a man that actually wants, asks even, to meet the parents. Why can't I be even one measly year older?

"No, Edward. It's not that. My mom isn't…Would you believe me if I told you that I brought one boy home to meet my mother, like ever? And that was just because he took me to prom. It's just not like that between us." It isn't a lie. The one and only boy that she has ever met is Riley, and that was when he took me to the Junior prom last May. We only went together because during the school year we are pretty much regarded to as being together, however unofficial it is. No matter how much our relationship changes over the summer, come fall, when dances, football games, and other high school functions are on the calendar, we do them together.

He really is one of my best friends but the truth is that we aren't fully satisfied with each other. By the time summer rolls around, we need those three months apart. When we are 'together' during the school year, we don't hook up with other people. We don't correct people that assume we are a couple. We just flow with everything. He knows what we are. I know what we are. Neither of us cares what others think they know.

"So when do I get to meet her? I mean how serious do we have to be? Like at the point of moving in together? Getting engaged? Married maybe?" Edward jokes.

"How about, when I'm ready to let her know, I will. I'm just not in that place right now, okay?" I ask, stroking his face in reassurance.

"What about your father?" he asks, softly.

"I don't really know him very well. My mom took my brother and me and left my dad when we were young. I don't even have any memories of him."

"Why didn't he try to keep in touch with you and your brother?"

I shrug and answer. "I don't know. I used to think that he didn't care, but I hope that maybe it hurt him so much that he never really healed or that he didn't know how to be a father from across the country. Your parents are happy together?" I ask.

"For thirty years," he laughs.

"I hope I can be lucky enough to say that about my life someday."

"Me too," Edward says. I snuggle into his side as his hands and lips explore my skin innocently. "I have to work tonight," Edward says, his voice full of disappointment.

"That's okay. My mom said she misses me. Wants me home for dinner," I tell him.

"Let's go do something, like go to the pier," he suggests. Normally, I wouldn't want to go, but with him I do. "Water park?" he asks. I look down at my cherry blossoms.

"I don't want to lose this yet," I pout.

"You won't," he smirks. "It's waterproof."

"You just happened to have waterproof body paint?" I ask him, suspiciously.

"My minor in college was art, Iz. Besides, it's not hard to make. The hairspray was to help protect it more."

"Raging Waters it is then," I giggle.

"No, Ocean Oasis," Edward corrects. "We have a cabana there for the summer."

"Of course you belong to the beach club," I laugh, I hop up and head into the bathroom to get my bikini from last night.

I pick up my white top off the counter in the bathroom and tie it securely in the front. I slide the bottoms up next. Edward's art work looks beautiful. I can't help but to stand and admire it for a minute. I knew he appreciated art, but the fact that he is actually an artist is even more alluring.

I pull out my denim skirt and sling the beach bag that Edward's filled with towels and sun block on my shoulder. He walks up to me, his chest bare. I rest my hands against him, "Ready?" I ask.

His hands push my hair back. He cups my face and brings his lips to mine. "I love you," he tells me staring into my eyes.

"I love you," I say back. The words come out weak. My knees feel like they could collapse beneath me.

I let Edward drive the Mini Cooper. He pays for parking and holds my hand as we go into the water park. He leads me to his cabana and orders drinks as I get settled.

I'm relaxing on the chase lounge, people watching folks float by on the lazy river, when Edward comes over and asks me to sit up. He sits down behind me on the chair and sweeps my hair over my right shoulder. He kisses my exposed neck and I'm about to lean back into him when I'm shocked by coolness on my hot skin. I realize it's just sun block as his hands start moving over my shoulders and back to rub it in.

This is the life. There is live music and the sun is bright and warm. I relax in Edward's hands.

I close my eyes, a small moan escaping my mouth as he works his strong hands over my body.

Over the music I hear a distinctly masculine voice ask, "Bella?" I open my eyes to see Riley standing in front of us. Edward's hands stop moving. Riley is wearing red shorts with blue stripes that say "LIFEGUARD" down the side.

"Hey, Riley. I didn't know you worked here," I say as I squint up into the sun to get a better look at him. I turn to Edward so I can introduce him to Riley. I'm not worried about Riley saying anything that will worry Edward. Our friendship is complicated, but loyal. "Edward this is my friend, Riley, Riley this is Edward," I say.

Edward stands and wipes his hand off on the towel. He is taller than Riley by a hair. I have never been more thankful that Riley doesn't look like an awkward teenage boy. He is built and cut from playing football so he looks older than his years. Edward extends his hand to shake Riley's and says, "Nice to meet you."

"You too," Riley replies with a smile. His dirty blonde hair has lightened in the sun. "What have you been up to all summer? I've hardly seen you around?" he asks me.

"Just spending most of my time with Edward, and at the hotel," I answer. "What about you?"

"Working. Plus Bree and I have been hanging out a lot."

"Bree Tanner?" I clarify. "She's a skank, Riley. Come on, you can do better than that."

"Well, you disappear on me every summer. Plus she works here too," Riley laughs. He looks down my side at the cherry blossoms. His hand darts out and feels the branch over my ribcage. I swear Edward growls. "What's this?" he asks.

"Oh, Edward is an artist," I say, bumping my hip against Edward's to get him to lighten up. Edward gives me his shy smile, pulling me into his side, and kissing my head.

"Izzy here is the real artist," Edward says full of pride. I shove his side playfully.

"Izzy?" Riley questions. "I thought you ha-"

"So it was really great seeing you." I cut him off because I am not willing to be faced with the name dilemma right now. Plus, I love when Edward calls me Izzy.

"You too, Bella," Riley tells me with a hug. "Don't be such a stranger until school starts this year."

"Right. I'll call you."

He walks away, and I turn back to Edward. "Bella?" he questions.

"You know, just one of those nicknames I have. I don't care what people call me. I do like Izzy best." I smile and lean into his lips for a kiss.

We spend most of the afternoon in the lazy river or in the cabana kissing, eating, and drinking.

When we leave, I drive and drop him off. We spend twenty minutes trying to let go of each other.

"Love you," he smiles, before climbing out of the car.

"Love you."

UtB

I get home, stop at the front desk and give my mother a kiss on the cheek instead of a "hello".

"What has you in such a chipper mood?" she asks.

"Just a relaxing day at the beach. That's all." I smile.

"You look like the cat that ate the canary," she laughs. "Well, I enjoy the change. I must say, I was getting sick of your moping."

"I know and I'm sorry, Mom." I pick up a pen off the counter and doodle on one of the hotel brochures.

"What is that down your side, Bella?" my mom questions with a shocked expression on her face.

"Oh…Jess and I got tattoo's last night. Do you like it?" I tease.

"Isabella Swan!" she gasps.

"Just kidding. It was just this new thing they were doing on the boardwalk, you know like the henna tattoos, but in color."

Mom puts her hand on her chest. "Don't give me a heart attack, Bella. Oh, Rose got stuck working this weekend so Emmett is just coming up for the night."

I guess the fact that I don't have to put up with Rose is good news, but I know Emmett is going to be impossible. "Just make sure Emmett doesn't try to control my every move."

Mom holds up both hands in a placating gesture. "I already spoke with him. He won't be overbearing," she promises. "I think he said he is going to meet an old friend for drinks tonight."

"Okay. I have to go now. I promised Riley I would call him." I say while backing away from the counter.

"Riley, huh? Now he is a good boy for you Bella," Mom tells me with a smile.

"Right," I say, 'boy' being the operative word. The problem is, once a girl like me meets a man like Edward, no boy stands a snowball's chance in hell.

I call Riley and explain Edward. How do you explain being in love but wrapped up in a total lie? I guess it's not that hard because he understands everything. He tells me to be careful, but he promises not to say anything. I knew he wouldn't. After the important stuff is out of the way, he asks me to hang out tonight. Edward does have to work so I agree to go. I can't just go sit at the bar every night he works and I do miss my friends.

Riley picks me up that night in his 2010 Camaro, that his dad gave him for no reason other than the fact that they are rich and own half the real estate in Wildwood. His hair is shorter than usual, and spiked up carefully in the front. I even notice the light brown fuzz he has above his lip.

"So the boyfriend's working tonight?" he laughs as I climb in the car.

"Shut up," I say. I can feel my face turning red as he pulls into traffic.

"I need a favor," Riley says, glancing at me like he did something he should feel guilty over.

"What's that?" I ask skeptically as he turns down Pacific Ave.

"I kinda told Bree we got back together to avoid having to blow her off…"

"Oh, I don't know, Riley…" It doesn't feel right to do that to Edward.

"Please, Bella," he pleads. "I really need this one favor from you," I look in his dark brown eyes, and I can't say no. He is my best friend after all. No one understands me better than he does, even if we do go months without speaking. I know he would do anything for me.

"Fine, but nothing showy," I warn, wagging my finger at him.

"Thank you, Bella." He smiles at me.

Edward texts me, asking what I'm up to. I reply that I'm hanging out with Riley and we are going to a house party.

He responds,_ Should I be worried?_

The thought makes me giggle. _No. I'll be fine._

_I meant about Riley._

My sweet man has a jealous streak. _LOL! Never. I love you._

_House party sounds so high school. Bring all your friends to the bar. I want to meet them._

Now I have to lie to Edward. I really don't like that. _Bree isn't twenty-one. Sorry._

God I hope that is good enough.

_I'll be home about three. Come over then._

_K_, I respond. I don't know how I will pull that off. I guess I can just call my mom around midnight and tell her I am sleeping at Jessica's. Two weeks ago I wouldn't have had this problem. I would have stayed out and told my mom that I was at Jessica's all night, that is if she even asked.

_Love you. ~ E_

"Edward?" Riley questions as the texts come and go.

"Yeah." I smile thinking of Edward's words.

We pull up at a huge house on the beach. Riley opens my door and moves to put his arm around my shoulder when I step out. "Hey now," I say, trying to step away from his side.

"Come on, Bella. It's not like I'm kissing you. You've never had a problem with this before. Friends walk like this."

I give up with a shrug and let him drape his arm over my shoulders.

As we walk inside, I'm not sure how to be the girl that Riley is expecting, his friend Bella. I'm not sure I am that girl anymore.

**Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays.**

**You guys, all of you, are the best.**


	7. Chapter 7

**BPOV**

As Riley and I entered the house, it became clear that the party was in full swing. The place is loud, and there are people everywhere. Riley grabs my hand and pulls me into the kitchen.

"Come on Bells, let me show you what you're missing by spending all your time with the shoobie," he smiles.

"Hey, shitface. No name calling." I reply, with a smack to his arm.

Riley smiles, and pulls me through the crowd in the kitchen. He finds the swim team easily and greets the guys with that manly fist bump hug thing that guys do. His best friend James, who knows that I clearly don't like him, gives me a look.

"Hey, where's Bree?" he asks Riley.

"Don't know, don't care. B's my girl. Get over it, J," Riley says as he pulls me into his side.

"Free game then? Sweet," He takes off to find his prey for the evening.

All the other guys tell me hello, unlike James the dick.

It's not long before I cross paths with my friends Jessica and Lauren. Jessica gives me an odd look. She doesn't understand the Riley thing. The last thing I told her was that I was in love with Edward. She hugged me and told me that she could tell. I know I have some explaining to do, and I whisper the abbreviated version in her ear so that Lauren won't hear.

"Hey, Bella! It's awesome that you and Riley are here together! Are you together?" she asks, wagging her finger between Riley and me. "What happened with Bree?"

Riley answers for me, and I'm glad because I'm tired of lying. Not that I actually care what Lauren thinks, but at least this way I don't feel the guilt of the false words.

Before I know it, we're playing a drinking game. I can't decide if I'm winning or losing. Either way, I'm completely drunk. Riley keeps giving me shots of tequila which I've been drinking like water. I'm hanging all over Riley because I want to keep my face off the floor.

"Hey, let's go outside for a bit," Riley says. "I need a cig and you look a little green, Bells. You okay?"

"S'okay. Les go," I slur as he pulls me outside. He laughs at my drunken speech and we find a seat on a bench that overlooks the pool. It's quiet out here, and I'm suddenly glad I'm with Riley. He's such a great guy.

My phone vibrates and I see that it's Emmett. "Oohhhh it's the warden! Gotta get this." I say loudly, making Riley laugh as I walk away.

"Hello?" I answer and realize I'm still talking too loud..

"Bella, where are you?"

I roll my eyes and answer sarcastically. "I'm at a party, _dad_. Is that okay?"

"You better not be with that man," he says in his best dad-like voice.

"Whatever. I'm not," I say.

"Are you drunk? Where are you?"

"Ugh! Chill out, Emmett. I'm with Riley and Jess and Mom said it was okay, so back off," I reply curtly and hang up.

After ending the call I walk inside, grab two beers, and head back out to Riley. I hand one to him and I down the other. Riley looks at me like he wants to laugh.

"God, you're so funny when you're drunk." He puts an arm around me and scoots closer.

I'm suddenly bursting with anger toward Emmett. "I hate him!" I rant. "I hate that he thinks he's my father and he has to look after me."

My phone beeps with an incoming text, interrupting my tirade before I can really get on a roll. The message is from Edward.

_What are you doing? Not getting into trouble, are you?_

I smile.

"Ooohhhh, it's the shoobie," Riley teases in a whisper. I elbow him in the gut, but it's not hard enough to really hurt.

I type out a reply.

_No trouble yet. At a party with Jess. Wasted. Miss you. _

His reply comes quickly.

_Miss you more. Come over._

I turn and look at Riley. He shakes his head, and stands up.

"Man, I can't believe I'm losing you to a shoobie. Come on, princess. let's take you to prince charming." He grabs my hand and leads me inside. We say out goodbyes to everyone and I tell Jess I'll call her later.

Riley drives amazingly well for someone so drunk. I know he's drunk because I hear the Australian lilt in his voice. He was born in Australia, and that remaining accent is one of the hottest things about him. When he gets drunk it tends to come out full force.

I tell him how to get to Edward's. We're just a few minutes away when my phone rings. It's Edward calling.

Riley shakes his head. "Does the guy have a tracking system on you? Geez!"

I give him a scathing look as I answer the call. "Hi, baby." We pull into the driveway, and Riley lets out a low whistle when he sees the house.

"What are you doing? Besides ignoring my texts?" Edward teases.

I get out of the car and head for the front door. Once there I turn to wave at Riley as he backs out of the drive. "Waiting for you to open the door so I can pee?" I answer.

I can hear him running down the stairs, and I see the lights come on. I'm pretty sure he hung up on me.

The door flies open and I'm swept up in a tight hug, swung around, and kissed breathless within seconds. The hug almost resembles Emmett's bear hugs. That thought makes me a bit angry because the last thing I want to do is think about Emmett.

I laugh at him as he tosses me over his shoulder, and heads up the stairs. Before Edward slammed the front door I heard Riley peel away, yelling "Bye, Bella!"

Once we're in Edward's bedroom upstairs he flings me on the bed. In no time his lips are on mine, his tongue in my mouth, and I'm in heaven.

"Mmm…" Edward hums, sucking my top lip into his mouth. "You have been bad. You taste like tequila and salt."

"Tequila shots," I mumble. He has been bad, too. I can tell by his taste that he was drinking at work tonight.

Edward's hand slips up my shirt I'm not wearing a bra and he lets out a loud moan when he realizes he's touching bare flesh. "Jesus, baby. Are you trying to kill me? You can't go out looking like this. You're so hot."

I almost tell him Riley said the same thing, but I think that would result in the opposite of where I want this to go. Either way, I can't answer because his tongue is back in my mouth. He impatiently starts pushing my shirt up and my shorts down. He actually groans aloud when he realizes I'm not wearing panties either.

"Fuck." he murmurs into my neck between open mouth kisses

"I need you," I whisper breathily, pushing his shirt up. He pulls it off quickly then goes to work pulling off his shorts. My hands for his hair to pull him back to me and kiss him deeply. He pulls away from my lips to move down my body. I feel him hover over me, kissing my thighs, my hips, my belly button, between my breasts...He's taking his sweet time and doesn't realize he just might kill me.

He moves back up to look into my eyes. "I love you," he says, his voice rough with lust.

"I love you," I say, right before he returns to kiss my lips. He positions himself and before I know it he's inside. I feel complete again for one minute before reality hits me hard.

"Wait, you're not wearing a condom!"

"Um, no." He looks surprised by my reaction, and continues to move inside me.

"Jesus, Edward." I push against his chest and he moves off of me. For some reason... nerves, guilt, alcohol- I complete lose my cool. I throw on his t-shirt and boxers and start to pace the room. "That's so irresponsible! That can't happen...You need to go back to grade school or middle school and take sex ed."

My attitude sparks a change in his. He is now a naked, pissed off Edward. It would be hot if I wasn't so freaked out.

"Wait a second. Why is it such a big deal? I didn't do it last time... or the time before that."

"What?" I screech. "Are you crazy? I can't take chances like that! I can't have a kid or catch some disease. I'm only se..." I almost slip but catch myself. "I'm still in school!"

"Iz..." he says in a relatively calm voice. I ignore him and continue pacing. He grabs my hand as I pass him and turns me to look directly at him. "Baby, calm down."

I shake my head. I couldn't calm down even if I wanted to.

"I'm sorry, babe. I just assumed you were on the pill. What is it? What's really bothering you?" He asks, his voice soft and soothing. "Did something else happen tonight?"

"No. You just can't assume things." I think about our talk...his numbers. He told me he's clean. I'm quickly losing my rage and resolve. I'm mad- at myself, mostly - but him too. I'm also overreacting like an immature brat.

"I know. I'm sorry, Izzy," he apologizes, grasping my chin and tipping my face to look at him. I know he's sincere because his eyes hold nothing less than honesty.

Suddenly I'm tired; so tired of the fighting with Emmett, struggling with the right and wrong of loving Edward, lying to everyone...all of it. I don't want to fight with Edward anymore.

I can't turn away from his eyes but it's becoming painful to look into them. I finally close my eyes to him before I speak. "It's okay. Look, it's late. Can we just go to sleep? I can go home if you want me to." I throw that out there as an option for him, but I don't want to leave.

"No way. You won't even let me take you home and there's no way you're walking at this time of night. Come to bed with me now. We can talk tomorrow." I nod weakly and he gently kisses my temple in reassurance.

Edward goes to his closet and pulls out a pair of shorts. Then he goes to the bathroom while I climb under the covers and hide my face. Tears threaten to spill over the rims of my eyes. He needs to know the truth.

I'm not asleep yet when he gets in bed, but I don't move either. He kisses my forehead, breath minty. "I love you so much, Izzy," he whispers. "I wish you'd tell me whatever it is that's bothering you."

After a long moment, he sighs and pulls me closer to him. I rest my hand over his heart and try to fall asleep.

UtB

_I wish you'd tell me..._

These words have been running over and over through my head all morning. I feel shitty about my secret.

This morning Edward woke me up with breakfast in bed. He even tried to feed me. I smiled, kissed him, told him I loved him and then I stuck my finger in whipped cream and wiped it on his face.

He made me lick it off.

There was no talk of last night's fight.

We're quietly walking side by side, hands to ourselves, on our way to the beach right now. While the silence between us is usually comfortable... this feels suffocating. Usually, we hold hands and it's perfect. I'm aching to touch him now but something tells me to keep my distance. It's hard because he looks so damn good. He's wearing red board shorts and a black t-shirt. His feet are bare.

He gave me one of his t-shirts to wear, claiming the shirt I wore last night hardly qualified as a napkin, much less a shirt. I didn't even let him get started on the shorts. The shirt he gave me is black, and it's one of his high school shirts, with the year he graduated; 2004. Edward doesn't get the irony of it. I, on the other hand, do. He has been out of high school for seven years. Seven. I wonder why it took him so long to complete college. I decide to ask him later.

Those five little words he said last night are screaming at me. I want more than anything to tell him the truth. I'd lose him though so I push that thought away. I know it would be the deal breaker. Sure, he says he loves me, but he really loves the fake twenty-something woman named Izzy who drinks and goes to college.

He doesn't know the seventeen year old girl named Bella; The real girl who's scared to death of losing him, going to college, and growing up.

"Hey," he says, finally catching my hand and my attention. "What are you thinking about so hard?" he asks, moving his guitar to the other arm.

"You," I answer. At least that isn't a lie.

He gives me his crooked smile and pulls me closer to him. "Yeah?"

"Always."

We arrive at our spot under the boardwalk where Edward lays out the blanket. We sit close, but not cuddled together.

"Play me something," I say.

He gives me a smile, and starts strumming.

"_My head is stuck in the clouds she begs me to come down; says, "Boy, quit foolin' around"  
I told her, "I love the view from up here …._"

His voice is soft, and amazing. I'm starting to wonder if he's bad at anything.

"_...warm sun and wind in my ear, we'll watch the world from above as it turns to the rhythm of love…" _

I lean back on my elbows and watch him. He has his head thrown back and his eyes closed, lost in the song. The sun shines through the cracks of the boardwalk, illuminating his face and hair. I stare. I outright gawk, and I almost check to make sure I'm not drooling. My heart fills with so much pride, happiness... love.

He plays the last note, and I pounce.

I kiss him hard, full of passion. He laughs as I pull away.

"Hmmm. So...scary movies and guitar playing. Or was it my singing?" he asks with a grin.

I raise my eyebrows in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm making a list of things that make you kiss me like that. Oh, and milkshakes." He waggles his eyebrows.

I smile back like an idiot. The tension in the air has dissipated. I lay down, looking up to watch feet move over the cracks. Edward startles me when he suddenly pulls out a Swiss army knife and turns towards the wooden post.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Officially making this our spot," he says while carving in the wood. He's blocking my view, so I can't see what exactly he's doing.

I watch, amazed at how this beautiful, incredibly sweet man shows his love for me.

I sit up and lean toward him.

"What are you doing?" he asks, still carving.

"Waiting for you to put the sharp object away," I answer seductively. "You talking like that, totally grounds for being attacked."

I can hear his smile when he speaks. "Yeah? I'll have to remember that, too."

He backs away, brushing off the post. He's carved our initials.

_e+i_

He even carved a heart around it.

I tackle him. Kiss him. Weave my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck. "I love you," is all I can say.

"Really? I feel like that's the most high school thing I've done since...well, high school," he responds with a chuckle.

I ignore that comment and move in to kiss him again. Just then his phone rings and he moves to answer it. 'It's Alice,' he mouths. The conversation is short and I can't tell much from just hearing his side.

"What time? With who? Where at? Awesome, I'll ask her... At the beach... I think maybe we'll leave now...yeah, bye Ali."

He hangs up and looks straight at me. "So, Alice wants to meet up tonight. You know the he friend I told you she met up with last night? Well, his wife is finally in town. She thinks we would all get along and have fun."

Oh shit. Friend? Wife?

Mother fucking Emmett and Rose.

_Shitshitshit._

"Oh, sounds fun!" Again with the lies.

"Yeah. Ready to go?" he asks, giving me a peck on my lips.

"Sure."

We collect the blanket, and Edward hitches his guitar over his shoulder, then he puts his arm around my waist. As we walk along the beach Edward occasionally stops to pick up seashells for me In one of these moments I hear someone call my real name.

"Bella? Hey! What are you doing?" It's Bree. I cringe internally.

"Hey, Bree. Leaving."

"Oh." She sees Edward. Not good.

"So how's Riley? You guys looked awfully cozy together last night. Who's this?"

Edward tenses at Riley's name, shuffling his feet and dropping the seashells. His jaw tenses.

"He's good, Bree. Oh! Sorry we have to go!" I grab Edward's hand and pull him away from the potential disaster.

We walk a few yards away and Edward pulls his hand away. "Riley, huh?"

"Edward..."

Edward stops dead in his tracks and looks at my face. "Why do I get a feeling there's something I need to know..,._Bella_." He says the name like it's a disease.

I sigh in frustration. "Damnit! This is just what she wanted. Bree lives for ruining things for me. I told you, Riley and I are friends. He asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend... to get Bree to leave him alone. There's absolutely no reason for you to be worried."

He opens his mouth to say something, but my phone rings from Edward's pocket. I wince at the words Usher sings. "_Oh my God...Baby let me love you down..._"

I know from the ring tone that Riley is calling. Edward sees his name, and I know that he considers whatever I was saying pretty much null and void.

"Answer it," he growls, shoving the phone into my hand and walking away. He at least he walks slow enough for me to keep up with him.

"Hey, Riley."

"Why is Bree calling me to tell me my girlfriend has a boyfriend?"

"Ugh, she's such a bitch. Now isn't a good time, sorry."

"Shoobie? How pissed is he?" I really can't answer that question right now.

"Yeah, gotta go."

"Ouch. That bad? Call me later, okay?"

"Yeah. Bye." I reply and hang up.

"Edward..." I start.

He just calmly shakes his head. "Not now. Wait until we get back home." I do what he asks and the whole walk back is awkwardly quiet.

When we reach the house, he opens the door and lets me in first. I hear Alice's laugh in the kitchen but Edward heads straight upstairs. Do I follow him?

I have my foot on a step, ready to go after him. Before I can make a move Alice comes flying out of the kitchen.

"Izzy!" she squeals. "I'm so excited for tonight! Can I do your make-up?"

"Uh, sure," I answer so I can get away. The real answer is no, because I can't go on a triple date with my brother who wants to kill my boyfriend who is his age...

Alice must sense something is wrong. "Everything okay?'

I can only shrug noncommittally. "Sorry. I'll be right back."

I climb the stairs slowly, stopping at the door to Edward's room. He left the door open, but just a crack.

"Hey," I say, leaning in.

He's standing by the window looking out; one hand in his pocket, the other holding the green seashell I gave him.

I want to walk over and stroke the side of his face, but I'm very uncertain about what I should do. "Please talk to me. Yell at me. Do something..."

"Nothing to worry about?" He says, almost like a question, but his voice is too calm for my comfort.

"No." My response comes out weak, no matter how strong I want it to sound.

He nods and continues to look out the window another long moment. "It doesn't feel like nothing. I feel like I only know part of you. Like there's another part of you that you're hiding from me. Who are you when I'm not there?"

"Edward, I have a life here. You get to leave at the end of the summer. Me? I stay here; I live my life with my family, just like I always have. I deal with people who think they know me better than I know myself. Honestly? Riley's one of the only people who knows me. He's one of my best friends, Edward."

Edward rounds on me with anger written across his face.

"Why do you always do that? Throw the fact that I'm leaving in my face," he yells, running his hands through his hair.

"Because you are, Edward. You have a life to go back to."

His voice drops to a quieter, but still angry level. "And last night? Are we ever going to talk about that?"

"No."

"Of course not," he laughs cynically. "Let's just turn a blind eye and ignore anything that requires answers, just push it under the rug." I'm so angry that I pick up a bottle of water and throw it at him. He ducks and stares at me in shock. I'm kind of shocked too, but I don't really know what to do.

I realize I have to get out of here before everything explodes in my face. "Forget it. Text me the address and the time if you still want me to go with you tonight," I yell because I'm so angry. Grabbing my bag, I exit his room and run down the stairs. Alice calls my name as I head for the door, but I ignore her.

I hear Edward calling me so I ignore him, too.

Edward follows me outside. When he finally catches up to me I'm standing on the sidewalk furiously punching numbers into my phone.

It rings just once before a familiar voice answers. "Hello?"

I look straight at Edward.

"Riley. Can you come pick me up?"

**EPOV**

"Hang up the phone, Isabella."

"Isabella?" She almost laughs through her anger. I pull at my hair.

"Iz, don't walk out right now. Let's talk about things...please."

She hangs up the phone, and drops it inside her bag. She looks up at me, tears threatening to spill over her cheeks. Her bottom lip trembles. I walk towards her, and lift my hand to steady her quivering chin.

"You promised," she whispers.

I shake my head because I am not following her.

"Not to fall in love with me," she clarifies. My thumb wipes the tears that have fallen on her cheeks.

"Iz, I broke that promise before I even made it."

"My life isn't like this. You have no idea."

"Then give me an idea, Izzy," I plead. I force her to make eye contact with me by cradling her face in both my hands. "Let me in." It comes out as barley a whisper.

She opens her mouth to speak but no words come out. Only more tears. She closes her eyes and tries again.

At that precise moment, Riley's Camaro pulls up along the sidewalk and she turns to look at him.

"I'm sorry," is all she finally says, before she climbs in his car and he drives away.

Alice asks what's going on. "Nothing," is my answer.

"Doesn't seem like nothing," she prods.

"Thanks Captain Obvious," I mumble under my breath, before heading back up to my room.

I feel like I am surrounded by high school bullshit. Maybe Izzy isn't a very mature twenty-one. I don't know. I start to wonder how much I really know about her. I'm beginning to think Riley is one of the 'two'. Definitely.

She just left with him. He just pulled up in his fancy car and sped away with _my _girl. My Izzy. His Bella. Always calling her Bella. Then Bree called her Bella on the beach. Maybe I don't know who she is. Or maybe they don't know who she is. From what I can gather, they are all about the drama. The small glimpse I have gotten with her friends reminds me of Laguna Beach, that reality show on MTV about the high school kids.

The day drags on. Alice tells me the plans to meet Emmett and his wife Rosalie tonight at this bar in Sea Isle, a neighboring beach town, full of bars. She met Emmett the other night for a few drinks at Keegans. She says I met him before, but I don't remember. I was like fourteen and chasing girls on the boardwalk. It was always a win when I got a number, though I never did use them.

Shit. Maybe that is what Izzy is used to. Boys that come for the summer, flirt, take her number...then forget she exists. Doesn't she know by now that I could never do that? Maybe she really doesn't. What reassurances have a offered her?

I call Izzy to reiterate how I feel about her and because I don't want to fight with her. I'm also not going to let shit fester between us. I haven't heard back from Marcus about the job, and sensing how upset she is that I am leaving, there is no way I want her to get her hopes up.

"Meet me, so we can talk about things," I blurt as soon as she answers her phone.

"I can't. Family stuff," is the only reason she offers.

"Fine. We can do it over the phone." I take a deep breath. "I know you were worried last night..." I begin.

"I was drunk and being stupid. Forget it, okay?"

"No. I need you to know I never meant to put you at risk for anything..."

"I know. I was just drunk and over reacting," she reiterates.

"I will be more careful," I assure her.

"Yeah, both of us need to be."

Silence.

"Why won't you let me into your life here?" I finally ask, letting out a shaky breath.

"That makes it harder for me...when you go. I don't want to go hang out with my friends and have memories of you. It's easier to keep you separate from them. From that life."

"But I don't want to be separate. I don't want to go back to Chicago and forget you. Don't you want to see if we can make something work?"

With an exasperated sigh, she answers, "Long distance doesn't work."

"You won't even try?"

Her voice is the one that shakes now. "I will for you."

"That's good enough for me." One step at a time. Izzy took a step, and I'm not going to push it further. I remind myself that Rome wasn't built in a day.

"OD tonight. We are leaving around eight."

"OD?" Izzy questions.

"That's where we are going. You don't know the OD in Sea Isle?"

"Not really."

"Oh...well Ocean Drive Bar. Alice's first kiss the summer she was twelve. Emmett something and his wife Rosalie. Do you want me to drive?"

"Ah, can I just meet you there? I'm stuck working the desk until like nine."

This could be the perfect opportunity to get at least a little glimpse of her real life. "I can be late with you. No biggie. Just tell me where to pick you up."

"No, because then I still need to get ready so I probably won't head out until closer to ten. You go. I'll meet you there."

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Yeah. I'll see you there around ten thirty, okay?"

"Love you. See you later."

"Love you, too," she returns quietly.

UtB

I find myself in a booth, in a bar, the odd man out until Izzy arrives. Emmett is a big guy, but really nice, always smiling and laughing. His wife, Rosalie is very beautiful and very blonde. She keeps looking at me funny.

We order some food as we all sip on our drinks and talk about our lives. Rosalie asks a lot of questions for someone who doesn't seem to like me. They ask about Izzy, and I tell them she got stuck working at the hotel her family owns.

"Izzy who? I might know her or of her." Emmett asks.

I wrack my brain, but I don't know the answer to that question. "Shit...I can't believe I don't even know her last name..." I mumble.

"Yeah, those local girls like to keep their distance from you shoobies," Emmett laughs.

"Shoobies?" I question.

"Yeah shore-wanna-be's."

"Oh." Is that what Izzy thinks of me? If that's the case then it's no wonder she keeps a large chunk of her life hidden from me.

"Well, what hotel?" Rose asks.

"Not sure, about that either. Guess she is keeping me at a distance," I admit, taking a long pull from my beer.

The kitchen closes at eleven so I ask our waiter to bring out some crab cakes around ten thirty. I know Izzy will be hungry when she finally gets here.

Eleven o'clock rolls around and the now cold crab cakes sit on the table in front of me. Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice are all dancing. I sit alone nursing my beer and wondering if Izzy is still mad about everything. I'm also thinking about what Emmett said regarding the local girls.

Emmett returns to the table right about then. "Hey, forget about that girl. I know local girls and she is probably just having fun this summer with a boy she never has to see again if she doesn't want to. Now, there is a girl," Emmett points across the room to a very attractive brunette, "that has been eying you all night."

I smile at his attempt to cheer me up. The girl across the room raises her beer to me when we make eye contact. I raise mine in return.

Her hair almost black, but not quite. It's definitely darker than Bella's. It's straight, but messy in an on purpose kinda way. Her eyes are a glassy blue. Her face is slender, with round, high cheek bones. Tall, slim. She has on a one shouldered red top with black jeans. Her belt is white with red Celtic crosses. She makes her way over to the table and I notice the black cuff she wears on her left wrist, only because it says something about boobies.

She places her beer down on the table and presses her palms flat as she leans forward. "Hey," she says quietly.

"Hello," I politely respond.

"I'm Olivia."

I don't say anything as I swallow back the lump in my throat.

"Edward. His name is Edward," Emmett pipes up. "Why don't you have a seat."

"Thanks," she smiles as she slides in next to me. I give her another small smile.

"He's a little shy, but once he opens up…" Emmett finishes his statement with a low whistle. He's talking about me like I'm not even here. I pick up a cold fry and toss it at him. He laughs and heads back to the dance floor.

"You going to eat these or let them go to waste?" she asks, pointing at the cold plate of food.

"Oh, I ordered them for my girlfriend, who...obviously couldn't make it tonight. Go ahead if you want some," I offer.

She stares at me as she picks up the fork and cuts off a small piece of the crab cake. She deliberately puts the fork in her mouth and pulls the food off very seductively.

I can't help but swallow again. "I have a girlfriend," I say again, not sure if I'm informing her or reminding myself.

"So you said," she smiles taking another bite. "I got ditched." She points to a girl making out with some guy on the dance floor. "So, if we both got ditched, why not be ditched together?"

I can't think of a reason so I simply say, "Why not."

As we share the crab cakes Izzy finally texts me. She's sorry, but she got sick. I want to go to her so I text back an offer to come and take care of her. Her reply tells me not to worry, to have fun, and that she just wants to sleep.

"Girlfriend?" Olivia asks.

"Ah, yeah. She doesn't feel well." I tell her, putting away the phone.

Rosalie and Alice return to the table, out of breath. Alice gives me an odd look and then glances at Olivia.

"Liv"? Rosalie questions.

"Holy crap! Rose!" Olivia stands up and hugs Rosalie.

"I didn't even recognize you without the blonde hair!" Rosalie gushes.

"Yeah. I changed it when I started at the high school two years ago. The teenage boys are hard to manage."

"You teach?" I ask her.

She turns to look at me. "I'm a guidance counselor." she answers, before turning back to Rose to catch up. I don't bother to mention I'm looking for a job in the area.

"Edward was just keeping me company. Samantha ditched me for that guy. You remember Sam don't you?" Olivia asks Rose.

"Of course! I can't wait to say hello...when she removes herself from whoever that is!" Rose and Olivia laugh.

"What happened with Izzy?" Alice asks.

"She doesn't feel good."

Through the course of the conversation we come to find out that Liv and Rose went to high school together. I'm starting to feel more and more like a - what was that word? – oh yeah, a shoobie.

Liv asks about Izzy. Wonders out loud how things got so serious with a local. It must be some connection for her to get so attached to someone who isn't staying.

"It is," I easily agree with her. "I would stay if it was possible."

"Oh! He really is a shoobie!" Jasper yells, handing me a fresh beer over the table.

"I guess I am," I admit, sipping the beer.

"So make it possible," Liv says without beating around the bush.

"It's not that easy. He has a life in Chicago," Rosalie adds.

"I'd rather not talk about all this if it's alright with you guys." I look around at everyone. I feel so at ease with Rose and Emmett. Even Liv. It's like we have been friends forever. And maybe we have been, since Alice was twelve when Emmett kissed her at the top of the Ferris wheel.

"I should kick your ass for that. Some fourteen year old macking on my little sister..." I joke and point at Emmett as they relive the story.

Emmett laughs and tells me he knows what it's like, having to protect your baby sister. He tells us about his seventeen-year-old sister who thinks she's twenty-one. Seems like she is getting in more trouble this summer than she did before. Emmett is worried about her. He breathes easier knowing she stayed in tonight, which is rare for her.

"But you don't want to act like her parent. She needs someone she can come and talk to. Let your parents parent," I suggest.

"Our mother doesn't know how to parent. Half the time, she doesn't even know where Bells goes. And our father...well, he never existed."

"It's easier to catch a fly with honey," I point out. "Plus, all you will do is end up pushing her farther away. Be her brother. That's your place. It's shitty to not have a parent involved in your life, but it's even shittier when someone tries to fill that space, because it's never going to be good enough. Just be the best brother you can."

Olivia adds her two cents from a guidance counselor perspective. It seems Emmett is paying close attention to her advice.

The conversation moves into a less serious direction. Ali asks me what Izzy and I fought about earlier.

"Her life here. Who she is when I'm not around," I answer simply. The life she won't let me into. That she keeps hidden so well from me that I don't even know her last name or where she lives. I'm suddenly surprised I have met Riley.

She was in such a rush to get me away from Bree earlier. Maybe it was just because of the lie she and Riley told her earlier.

I don't like Riley if for no other reason besides the fact that he was too immature to dump a girl who he had no trouble fucking around with until Izzy called her a skank. His feelings for Izzy are a lot deeper than she realizes. I can tell by the way he looks at her, the way he just reached out and touched her rib cage like it was no big deal, the way he rushed over to 'save' her from me earlier today, that he harbors more than friendly feelings for her.

Thing is, unless I get this job at the school, he is the one who Izzy will turn to when I leave in September. He is the one that will make her laugh. He will be the one who gets to stay and keep her.

I don't doubt her feelings for me. I can see them in her eyes, hear them in the way she speaks, fell them in the way she touches me. It doesn't mean that is enough, because as of right now, I am leaving. In her mind, unless I am here, settled, I am leaving. She doesn't have the faith in me to believe that I won't leave her, so I am not safe.

Riley? He is safe for her. So yes, I am jealous of him, because she has faith that he will stay. No matter what, when the sun rises on any given day, he will be here and I might not.

I think I have a good idea about what's going on in that beautiful head of hers...but for some reason I still feel like there is more to her. More to _Bella_.


	8. Chapter 8

**Yup, still alive after the Golden Globes and the new Water For Elephant pics...for now. Just when I think Rob can't get any more beautiful...He becomes a ginger.**

**We honestly can't tell you how much we appreciate the support. It means so much.**

**We still don't own this. **

**This chapter is dedicated to Khristen. Thank you for being so lovely, Happy early Birthday. We love you!**

Dirty Talk with the Shoobie

**BPOV**

I meant to call him earlier than eleven thirty. I did. Riley and Jessica came over and we hung out in the lobby of the hotel talking. Bull-shittin'. Just being us. I texted him real quick and and acted like I fell asleep because I was sick. That I just woke up.

He was so sweet too, because he wanted to leave to come take care of me. All he wanted was to be with me and that's all I wanted too. It just wasn't feasible.

Riley and Jessica didn't stay much longer, they wanted to go party. I felt awful for how I treated Edward. Standing him up. Lying to him. He believed me so easily.

I was wide awake in bed when Rosalie pushed open my bedroom door, the minute my phone chirped with a text message from Edward.

"He wants to come get you. He wants to take care of you being so sick and all. He is right outside. So close to you...he has no idea." She walks slowly toward me as she speaks, sitting gently on the edge of my bed.

"Do you have a point?"

"I do," she nods slowly. "What do you know about him?"

"He is twenty-four. He is from Chicago. He went to college to be a teacher."

"He doesn't know your last name. He doesn't know where you live. Do you know I think I know more about his life after one night with him than you do."

"I doubt that, Rose." I roll my eyes at her attempt to do...I have no idea.

"Stop me if you know any of this, okay? His father is the chief of surgery at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. His mother is a native of southeastern Pennsylvania. He went to Brown where he attained his Masters of Arts in teaching. Masters, Bella. Six years of college, he is twenty-four, and graduated high school valedictorian at the age of seventeen. He spent a year backpacking across Europe with his girlfriend Kate before he started the Master's program."

"Stop. I don't know what point you are trying to make, but just stop!" I demand.

"The point Bella...is that you don't know these things because you are a child, who isn't thinking about these things. You aren't thinking about his life because you know it's impossible to be a part of it. Because you are a child and he is an adult who has a good head on his shoulders and who spent most the night missing a girl that simply doesn't exist."

"I exist!" I yell getting up from my bed.

"You know Oliva Remy, the guidance counselor at your school?" Rosalie asks.

"What about her?" I huff.

"She spent the better half of the night trying to get Edward's attention...to no avail, because he was obviously very loyal to his girlfriend, Izzy."

As much as I don't want to smile. I do.

"Why didn't you tell Emmett who he is?" I question her. All the things she is telling me, aren't as worrisome that Edward and Emmett figured out the common link they share, me.

"Because, Bella he has no idea what he has gotten himself into. You are the one that needs her ass kicked. Not him. He is a good guy, with a good head on his shoulders, who God Bella, if you were twenty-one, I would congratulate you on catching such a great guy. But you aren't twenty-one. And he is innocent in this. He has no idea what he has on the line dating you."

My phone rings. It's Edward. I wipe tears from my face, and answer the phone. "Hey." I sniffle.

"You okay, babe?" he asks.

"Just sick, ya know?" I look at Rose as she leaves my room. "What's going on?" I ask.

"You missed a fun night. Emmett and Rose were really cool. I'm at the hotel his family owns. He is getting me something to swim in."

I peek out my window and see them all by the pool. Including Miss. Remy. I hear her laugh then touch Edward's bicep.

"Who's that laughing?"

"On of Rose's friends, Liv, she just happened to be at the OD, and she lives in Wildwood, so we offered her a ride back when her friend ditched her for some shoobie."

"Shoobie? How do you know about shoobies?" I laugh.

"I know all about being a shoobie, babe. I miss you. Wish you were here."

If he only knew how close I was.

"Iz...what's your last name?" he asks. I watch him walk away from the group. I smile because he doesn't care who hears him. Most guys wouldn't let their boy's or anyone else hear how sweet they talked to their girl.

"Swan." I tell him. I am so tired of lying. Hiding. I don't want Edward and Emmett to figure this out, but I can't keep lying. I doubt Emmett's last name came up in conversation anyway.

"I wish you weren't sick. I'm at Twilight Motel do you know it?"

"I do. I wish I felt better too."

I want to cry again because I feel so left out.

"Are you close?" he asks.

I swallow hard. "Very."

"Figured...I am looking at your car."

My heart sinks. Does he know? Is he setting me up? Was Rose setting me up?

I did have to park on the street tonight, the hotel is booked and when that happens I lose my parking place to keep customers happy.

"Which hotel is yours?"He asks. I peek back out the window and watch him stand alone by the gate surrounding the pool looking up and down the street full of motels.

"Mango Motel." I lie to him.

"Let me come over."

"I can't. I don't want to deal with the boys in my bedroom spiel from my mother."

"I'll be quiet she won't even know I am there."

"Edward." I whine at him, because I really don't want to say no.

"Izzy," he whines back at me. "Okay, come out and say hello for five minutes."

I think for a minute. If I go out by the lobby, I can bypass them all and walk down the street to meet him.

"I'll come out and say hello. I look like shit." I warn him.

"You could never look like shit, Isabella."

"Meet me at the athletic park on Park Blvd."

"Iz?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

I watch him outside, as he turns back to everyone. I tell him I love him too as I reach my hand to the glass like I could reach out and touch him.

It's weird to see Miss Remy all pretty and normal...and what seems to be a little drunk. I mean I know she is beyond pretty. But at school she is all professional. Like suits and long pencil skirts. Not low-rise jeans and red shirts. Not messy hair and exposed skin. Plus she is all flirty with Edward.

I still have his shirt on. I pull on a pair of skinny jeans and tie a knot in the shirt exposing a little of my stomach. I pull my hair up in a messy bun and slide on my cheap flip flops from the Dollar Days store on the boardwalk.

I wait for Edward to start walking, I wait a few minutes then follow behind him.

"Isabella Swan from Mango Motel." Edward smiles at me. I look down at the ground. At least it's not a total lie, but Edward seems so happy to know more about me.

"You just graduated, Edward Cullen?" I already know the answers but I want to know them from him.

He takes my wrist and pulls me into his side, we walk a few feet into the park.

"Yes."

I point to the shirt stating his graduation year. "That's a long time to get your bachelors."

"It would be, but I have my Masters."

"I'm not the only missing information here. From where?" I ask him, trying to level the playing field.

"Brown."

"Brown?" I question, because he never talked about living in Rhode Island. "So, you aren't going back to Rhode Island?"

"No reason too after Kate and I broke up. I figured, after the summer I'd go home."

"Kate? How big is her part in your past?"

"Ah...I guess big. We were together up until like six months ago."

Six months, that seems...fresh.

"Why did you break up?"

"Timing, I guess. Wanting different things. It wasn't a bad break up or anything. We both agreed. You? What about your two...one of them Riley?"

It is silent, before I look up at him. "Not like you think though...he and I had a relationship of convenience I guess." I try to explain. I know it's hard, I don't want to...but Edward should know.

"Fuck buddies?" Edward questions me, quietly looking at our feet.

"More than that but less than a boyfriend..." I try my best to explain. "He knows how I feel about you." I really want to assure Edward he has nothing to worry about. "And really I hadn't seen or spoken to him since school ended. He is a really good friend...but it's just weird between us."

"The other one?"

"A shoobie. Alex. My first time was with him when I was sixteen. It was a great summer...he promised to call and write letters and come back the next summer...I haven't seen him since. Although, he did friend me on facebook earlier this summer..."

"I hope you denied him." Edward says sternly. I smile slyly at him to confirm that I did deny that request.

None of it is a lie. Just the time frame from when it happened. He doesn't know it was just a year ago.

"So, Riley is safe for you?" he asks me slowly.

"He knows me. He understands me. He cares about me...I know he won't leave. So yeah. He _was_ safe. I made all these rules to protect myself from getting hurt again...and you...you have me breaking them all. I tried really hard not to fall for you but that is impossible and now I am just scared and mad and everyday that passes is a day closer to losing you."

"You aren't sixteen anymore. We aren't teenagers. We can do this." He assures me kissing my forehead.

Always assuring me. Always trying to make me feel safe.

Safe.

"It's hard for me to open up since Alex." I admit to him.

"I love you...As crazy and fast as it is. I love you. I mean sure, I didn't know your last name until tonight," he smirks at me, "But that isn't _you_. You are Izzy. The girl that loves the beach but hates the ocean. Who smells like strawberries, but lives at the Mango Motel," that cute as hell chuckle makes me laugh with him. "Your passion is art, and your weakness seems to be scary movies, guitar playing, and milkshakes. I know Izzy. I love her, and if I could find a way to stay...I would in a heartbeat."

I look at him, and he kisses me. His hand holds the base of my neck as his mouth moves against mine.

Traffic passes by us slowly at the early morning hour, Wildwood is the other city that never sleeps. The speed limit is strictly enforced. If it's late and the cops know, if you get a speeder, chances are you also have a DUI.

Edward pulls back from the kiss. "I hope I don't catch whatever it is you have, but if I do, it's worth it," he smiles.

"You should get back to everyone." I tell him.

He looks back toward the hotel. "Can't I walk you home?"

"YO Edward!" Emmett hollers down the street. I try to hide behind him. "That your girl? Bring her over!"

"No." I tell Edward.

"Dude, I'll be there in a minute." Edward yells back down.

He kisses me goodbye and I watch him walk away backwards. "Call you in the morning?"

It's painful to watch him walk away without me.

"I'll be waiting," I call back to him.

I fell for this bartender. Turns out he is so much more than a bartender more than I can even grasp. I mean he is an Ivy league educated man. His father is a doctor, who is wealthy enough to own a home on the beach of Wildwood, which yes is like a million dollar investment even if it is just the jersey shore.

So yeah, there were things I didn't know about Edward, and Rose was trying to make some point to me about how deep I am without even realizing it, and she is right. I am in deep. Because, just like Edward knows me. I know Edward.

I might not be Izzy, but I am the girl Edward described. Nothing in what he said he loved about me is a lie.

I sneak back inside, crack my window, and watch them. The girls in bikini's, Edward and Emmett in board shorts. Jasper in his boxer briefs. Tossing beers. Emmett flips the raft Rose is on. She screams. Emmett tells her to keep it down.

They start to play chicken and I want to throw up when Miss. Remy climbs on Edward's shoulders and her and Alice start to fight. Miss. Remy wins, and she stays up to take on Rose and Emmett.

Rose wins. I want to rub that in Remy's face.

I see the light go on, and my mom steps outside in her bathrobe. "Really? Emmett, I have guests in this hotel that probably want to sleep."

"Sorry, Ma."

She goes back in without a second glance. Edward climbs out of the pool, and picks up one of the hotel towels Emmett brought out.

I am so making him do the laundry tomorrow.

Screw this. I miss him.

I text him. _Are you still at Twilight?_

_Yeah, getting ready to go, though. _

_I need you. Pick me up out front of Mango in ten minutes?_

_Don't have to ask me twice :) E_

I sneak out, and get to Mango Motel. I wait outside for Edward, sitting on the curb. When he pulls up, I stand up and get in the car with him. Alice and Jasper are in the back seat, making out.

"Missed you tonight, Iz," Jasper tells me, breaking the kiss from Alice. Her lips move to his neck, he smiles.

"She's had too many gin and tonics. She gets like that when she drinks gin."

"Feeling better?" Edward asks.

"Now that I'm with you again."

I need to connect with him so bad. My body is on fire for him.

We pull up the house, and Jasper carries Alice inside, her legs around his waist, her lips all over him.

Edward takes my hand and leads me to his room. "I'm so glad you sent that text. I couldn't handle being alone with those two."

"I can see how that would be hard."

"I have something hard."

Oh God. Edward dirty talk. Can I do dirty talk?

I swallow back my nerves. "What should I do about that?" I ask him, letting my hands rub over his hardness.

His lips are close to my ear as he lets out a shaky breath. His teeth bite down on my earlobe, and the words that leave his mouth, scare the shit out of.

"Uhhhmmm, you should suck it."

My hand freezes.

One of the many things I have no experience with. Blow jobs.

EPOV

Her hand is just resting there. Her expression changes, like she doesn't want to.

Oops.

"Hey... You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Instead of saying anything, she pushes me back to the bed and climbs onto my lap. She kisses me.

"I really hope I don't get you sick." She says, as I kiss her neck.

"We'll get medicine."

"You're the best kind of medicine."

I put my arms around her, holding her to me.

"I love you. God. I love you." I say. I'm over-whelmed by how I feel about her.

"I love you." She says, hugging me back.

The electricity is there. It always is.

In no time, our clothes are off, and I'm on top of her. It's not what she wants though. She pushes me off, I roll onto my back. She bites her bottom lip, and I can't believe it when I actually grow harder.

When she moves down my body, I lift my head up.

I watch her, as well as feel her grab me. She kisses the head, then licks it slowly.

"Oh, god." I say, my voice, grated.

She looks up at me.

"Show me what you like, baby." She whispers, licking it from the base to he head.

"Fuck, that. I like that." It comes out as a whimper. "Wrap your lips around me." She does.

I bury my hands in her her hair, showing her the rhythm. She uses her tongue. Up and down, side to side. She uses her teeth. Her eyes locked with mine the whole time.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come."

Then, I'm slipping over the edge and I let go.

She lets out a small gagging sound, but I feel it when she swallows.

I'm breathing hard, and when I catch my breath, I pull her up. She lays on top of me. I kiss her and roll over on top of her.

"Scoot up." I say, pushing her to the pillows.

We moves toward the head of the bed. I'm not chancing another one of her freakouts. I reach over into the drawer of the bedside table, which is now stocked with about three boxes of condoms.

I roll the condom on, throwing the foil over my shoulder. She giggles.

"Good boy, now be bad and fuck me." She says, kissing me.

Dirty talk? I can do this. I can so do this.

"Mmm. I fucking love you." I kiss her lips."I love how you react when I do this." I say, kissing the spot on her neck just below her ear. She moans.

"Your tits. You know I love those." I cup them both with my hands, squeezing and flicking her pebbled nipples with my tongue.

"Oh god." She moans.

I move down, licking her belly button. Her hands go to my head, grabbing my hair.

"I love the little freckle you have..." I kiss it, on her thigh. I can smell how turned on she is. "Right here."

"I love the the sounds you make..." I slip two fingers inside her. "...when I do that."

She squirms and moans.

"Edward, please."

With one hand, I grab her hands out of my hair, and pin them above her head.

I kiss her, and with my free hand, I position myself.

"I love fucking you." I say, finally inside her.

It's heaven again. It feels so right.

"Oh god. You can't do that to me." She breathes out. "Let go of my hands, I need to feel you."

When I let go, her hands go to my hair again. She pulls, but it's not hard.

I lose myself in her, taking and giving. It's too much.

"Baby, let go. I gotta let go."

We fall apart together, breathing heavy. She holds me there, but I don't plan on moving for a while.

I shift, taking off the condom and throwing it in the garbage can next to my bed.

"You win." She says, I raise an eyebrow.

"Dirty talk. Jesus." She kisses me, and I laugh.

"Yeah? So how about we use that jacuzzi tub? You stink." She hits me.

"Whatever you smell like chlorine."

She giggles, when I pick her up, throwing her over my shoulder.

"Come on stinky."

She pinches my ass and giggles when I slap hers.

The tub is big enough to fit four people comfortably, but instead Izzy is in my lap straddling me. I freeze when she grabs me, and I slide into her.

I freeze.

"I love you. I trust you." She says, biting her lip.

I kiss her, and we move. Water spills over the side, but I don't care.

That night, we fall asleep wrapped around each other.

UtB

"Ew! This room smells like sex! Oh god put clothes on!"

The door to the room closes.

"Serves you right!" I yell at Alice. It's ten a.m. Izzy and I didn't go to sleep until five.

Too early.

I hear Jasper laughing. "Sorry bro, I tried to stop her." He says through the door.

I pull on shorts, and walk out into the hallway. Izzy's still sleeping.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing today?" Alice asks, she's sitting on the floor leaning against the wall.

"Not sure. Why?" I ask, wondering what she's up to.

"Mom called. She said that dad wants us to take the boat out, it hasn't been used in like years. I figured you and Izzy could go. Jazz and I have plans."

"Yeah, that works."

I go back into the room, and Izzy's sitting up.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Better."

"Plans today?" I ask her.

She gets up, and slips on my t-shirt.

"I was planning to spend the day with my hot boyfriend, but you'll do."

I hit her with a pillow and she giggles; pulling me down onto the bed.

"How do you feel about boats? Mom called and my dad wants us to take it out... sound okay for today?" I ask.

"You have a boat?" she shakes her head "Never mind, of course you have a boat. Sounds good."

I kiss her cheek, ad tell her to get dressed.

We're side by side in the bathroom brushing our teeth. I stare at her in the mirror until she catches me, then I give her a big foamy smile which makes her giggle.

Is this how it would be if I got the job? Every morning, comfortable silence, getting ready for the day together? I smile even bigger.

UtB

The wind is throwing Izzy's hair all over the place. She looks so beautiful in the sun. She's wearing tiny white shorts and a black tank top. It's hard to concentrate on driving the boat when she laughs like she is. She's finding it hilarious when I speed past all the seagulls resting in the water.

She wraps her arms around me, and I feel her kiss my back. I slow the engine down.

"Mmm. I love it when you don't wear a shirt." I turn around, and get her to stand between me and the steering wheel.

"Yeah? I'll add it to the list. Wanna drive?" I ask, kissing her.

"Yeah, like I could drive a four million dollar boat. You're crazy."

"Six million." I correct her, she glares at me.

"Anyway, I rather you drive. It's hot."

I kiss her.

"Are you hungry? I can put the anchor down and we can eat. Ali packed us sandwiches."

"Your sister is so awesome. Yeah, let's eat."

She grabs the blanket, spreading it on the dock, taking out all of the food. I set the anchor. We're not close to the shore, and there aren't many boats out today.

We eat the sandwiches, I feed Izzy strawberries and grapes while she straddles my lap.

We laugh and talk. I tell her about last night, how funny Emmett was. I want to tell her. Now would be the most perfect time to tell her that I plan on staying. Whether I get the job or not.

She cuts me off.

"I feel so bad that I didn't go. I'm the world's most horrible girlfriend."

She gets this sad look in her eyes, shakes her head and lays it on my shoulder. I feel the tear fall.

"Hey, it's not like you blew me off. You had to work, and you were sick. It happens. You're absolutely wrong by the way. You're amazing, sweet..." I kiss her head "...funny, sexy, beautiful." I kiss her again, but I pull back, making her look at me. Her eyes are closed.

"I couldn't love you anymore if I wanted to. Izzy, you're everything. I hate that you don't know that."

The tears are falling, fast.

"I... I know. That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said. You say all these sweet things. God, you're perfect."

I kiss her and it turns to something more. Lips, skin, kisses and moans.

Everything.

We get dressed and head back to shore. I even convince Iz to drive.

We dock the boat, Izzy says she's heading to our spot that she'll meet me so that we can leave.

The deckhand helps me with all the ropes and I start to walk back to Izzy. I can see Izzy in the distance, with her sketch pad, when I see a little girl crying. She has blonde hair, and her eyes look familiar. She looks maybe three or four. She is crying out for her mom. Looking around frantically. My heart aches at how scared she is.

I see no parents around. There's actually no one around, and I start to get worried.

I walk over to her and she cries louder.

"Hi, are you okay? Is your mommy or daddy here?" I ask kneeling down in front of her.

She nods.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Chloe." She says through trembling lips.

"That's a pretty name. Do you know where your mom was last?"

She nods and points towards the boardwalk. I offer her my hand, her little one fits in mine slowly, when I tell her we can go find help. I hope we either find her mother, or one of the rent-a-cops.

"Chloe!" I hear, It's panicked.

The voice is familiar, but it's behind me.

"Mommy!" She runs towards her.

I turn around.

It's Liv. In a bikini.

"Hey! Thank you so... Edward?"

"Hey." I say, turning around.

"Is she okay?" I ask.

She's holding Chloe, who has her head buried in her shoulder.

"Yeah, she was chasing the seagulls again...scared the life out of me."

Liv laughs nervously. She smooths her daughters blonde hair and wipes her cheeks. "You can't be running away from me like, Chloe."

Chloe sniffles and nods her head. Liv picks her up, Chloe's head rests on her shoulder and Liv adjusts her.

"What are you doing?" Liv asks.

"Oh, Iz and I went out on the boat... getting ready to leave to go home."

"Yeah, maybe one of these days we'll meet... Clo and I have to go meet her dad. His week...See ya around, Edward. Thanks so much." She gives me a kiss on the cheek.

I head back to Iz, she's looking at me with a strange look on her face.

"Hey babe." I kiss her cheek.

"Who was that?" she asks, standing up and grabbing the blanket.

"She was one of Rose's friends from last night. Liv."

"Oh."

She doesn't say anything, but she grabs my hand and we head back to the house. Izzy leaves shortly after, she promised her mom she'd work tonight.

I'm sitting on deck in the back of the house reading. I'm bored without Izzy. I want to bug her at work, but I decide against it. She'd be pissed off at me.

I fall asleep, but I'm woken up by my phone ringing. It's a number I don't know.

"Hello, this is Marcus. I was calling to see if you would like to come in for an interview for the position at Wildwood High School. How's tomorrow morning at ten a.m.?

"Perfect." I say, smiling.

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	9. Chapter 9

**SM Owns. **

**HippieStarr and My2GalsPal rock **

**We bring to you:**

**Chapter 9: Parents and Condoms. **

**EPOV**

Izzy had called me around three in the morning to say she couldn't sleep so I invited her over. Once she accepted I went downstairs to unlock the door and then headed back to bed to wait for her arrival. It wasn't long before she climbed in bed with me and immediately dozed off. She has been sound asleep since then.

I attempted to untangle myself from her without waking her up. I was partially successful, as she only opened her eyes half way. She looked exhausted, but adorable as always. She reached out to me and let her fingers dance along my jaw. "I love your scruff," she said with a yawn, closed her eyes, and went back to sleep.

I kissed her forehead and whispered I loved her before I turned to walk toward the bathroom. As I turn on the water I see the overnight bag she left in my bathroom. Her bikini is placed right on top, a subtle reminder that she always longs for the beach. I smile and shake my head before I undress and step into the hot shower. I go about the motions of getting ready for the day but feel a bit sad as I shave since Izzy said she loves my scruff.

Once my morning routine was finished I put on a nice suit and tie to get ready for my interview at ten. It's not one of the best schools; actually, it's rated pretty low in those terms. Regardless, it's a position I'm not really qualified for. I know from what Marcus told me that ideally they want someone with experience, which I don't have. What I do have that sets me apart is a Masters degree from Brown...and I won't lie, the fact that he is friends with my father helps as well.

I left Izzy a note, explaining that I have to take care of a few things with work. I know it's vague. I also left money, and asked her to order us lunch so it will be ready when I get back. Afterward we can go to the beach if she wants.

Jasper and Alice called on their way home to see if I wanted anything from Wawa. They were out partying all night. I asked for a turkey sausage sandwich on an egg white bagel which he tosses on the island as they come in. I chuckle because they both look hung over as they sit down to eat.

I'm enjoying my breakfast when the house phone rings. I chew my mouthful of food as I pick up the cordless phone that sits on the marble counter to check the caller I.D., even though I'm have a good idea who it is. I try to swallow through my greeting. "Hey, Dad."

"Morning, son. I was calling to wish you good luck. Are you nervous?"

"A little," I admit. This position would be such a great opportunity for a new graduate, and it would keep me close to Izzy.

"I don't want you to do this for the wrong reasons," he says.

"To get a job as Vice Principal right out of college is a great opportunity, dad, regardless of the other benefits to staying in Wildwood."

I don't mention that the true benefit of staying here is Izzy. She is every reason and the only reason.

"Summer love can be very deceiving, Edward. I just want to make sure you aren't blinded by the sun out there."

I laugh. "Really, Dad? Izzy is great. I wish you could meet her."

"Well...I did manage to get a few days off later this week so your mother and I are flying into Atlantic City in two days. I do expect to meet this girl that has my son searching for a job across the country. Your mother is a bit disappointed. She was thrilled when you told her you wanted to move back home after you and Katie ended things."

"I know, but I have to do what makes me happy. It's great that you two can get away for a few days. I have to get going so you give Ali all the details. See you soon."

Alice glares up at me. She isn't a happy camper when she has had no sleep and she's hung over. She grabs the phone out of my hand and tries her best to smile as she talks to our father.

"Jaz, Iz is upstairs asleep. Don't tell her about the interview, okay? I don't want her to get her hopes up if this doesn't work out."

"Not a problem. Good luck, man." He sends me off with a pat on the back. I grab my keys and the half eaten bagel as I head out the door. I'm leaving early but I want to have plenty of time to get there.

I did not tell Izzy about this interview because I'm not really qualified for the job. Marcus told my father during a casual conversation that the art program was going to suffer this year after the teacher retired. My father mentioned I had my Master's from Brown and that my minor was art. I called Marcus in regard to the position to teach art since the teacher was leaving. While we talked he informed me that the high school has fewer than four hundred students, there are only two art classes a day, and they also need a second vice principal for the junior and senior class. Once Marcus filled me in on all of that I honestly didn't expect him to call me in for an interview.

I did spend a year student teaching art in a high school in Rhode Island so I'm confident that I can run a classroom. On the other hand, to be an administrator in a high school, a leader at twenty-four, just doesn't seem plausible. I have to try though. If I don't get this job I don't know what I will do.

My mother thinks I should talk to Izzy, even ask her if she'd consider moving to Chicago. Depending on how this goes, I just might do that. There are plenty of community colleges in Chicago.

UtB

I climb in my car following the interview and loosen my tie. I start the engine and pull out of the school parking lot with absolutely no idea how things will turn out.

On the drive home I replay the interview in my mind. Marcus commented on my great credentials and he was impressed that I attended Brown. He knows I love art and he has no reservations about my ability to teach two art classes a day. He was very clear that he preferred someone with experience as the other responsibilities of the position may be too much for someone of my age.

The hard part is over though. Now, all I can do is wait.

Well, I could also talk to Izzy about whether or not she would consider moving to Chicago.

"Iz? Baby?" I call out once I'm back in the house. It's so quiet. I'm home before noon so she could still asleep. I climb the stairs to check my bedroom. The bed is made and her bag sits on top of it, so she must be around somewhere. I decide to change into something more causal before resuming my search. I'm about to call her phone when I hear the front door open. Izzy calls for me and I take the steps two at a time as I hurry downstairs to meet her. I rush forward to take a big brown box that she carries.

"What's this?" I ask. I peer inside only to see white Styrofoam boxes.

"Breakfast from Vegas Diner. I just woke up so I wasn't in the mood for lunch yet." I carry the box into the kitchen and help her unload all the food. There are Belgium waffles with strawberries, omelets, sausage, bacon, hash browns.

"Bella this is a lot of food," I point out, as I grab plates from the cabinet and orange juice from the fridge.

"I know. I'm starving. I couldn't decide what I wanted so I got a little bit of everything," she says before she takes a huge bite of the omelet. I reach over to wipe a small amount of cheese and egg off the corner of her mouth. She graces me with a sweet smile and a mumbled 'thank you'.

"Did you get everything taken care?" she asks after swallowing her food.

"I did," I answer succinctly. I don't want to have this discussion right now so I change the subject. "Did you go into the diner looking like that?" I smirk.

She looks down at her bikini top. "Yeah. I live at the beach. Why?"

"I just like to hold your hand while you strut around town like that so all the drooling men know your mine."

She rolls her eyes at my comment. "I'm not some shiny new toy, ya know."

"I know," I confirm before I offer Izzy a bite of waffle from my fork.

The rest of lunch is full of laughter and playfulness because we don't have any time schedule. Once we're finished we clean up quickly because Izzy wants to go the beach. On the way, we hold hands and walk leisurely. We're both barefoot, I'm shirtless, and Bella wears her bathing suit, or should I say her summer uniform.

Everything is fine until our feet hit the sand and Izzy curses under her breathe. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"Hot sand. Hot." She dances around, trying to keep the soles of her feet from burning. Her efforts are futile so I squat down so she can climb on my back.

"By the water today?" I ask. It is hot and I actually want to go in the ocean to cool off.

"That's fine," she answers.

I find a spot and Izzy jumps down. I spread out the blanket and Iz hops onto it as soon as it hits the ground. "Next time wear your flip flops," I tease. She looks at my face, then down at my bare feet, as if asking a silent question about my comfort. I just shrug and say, "I guess I have a higher pain tolerance than you do."

She just shakes her head before she pulls the sun block from her bag and tosses it to me. I push her hair over her shoulder and start applying it to her back and shoulders. Once that area is covered, my hands move around to her stomach and eventually down her legs.

"I can reach those spots," she whispers.

"So can I," I whisper back. I put a little dab of the lotion on her nose and rub it in along her cheeks. Her face breaks into a beautiful smile and I can't resist giving her a peck on the lips.

I don't put sun block on anymore. Once I get a base tan, I just get darker. I know I won't burn for the rest of the summer. Izzy hates this and gives me the skin cancer speech. Her skin is so fair that she could sit on the beach everyday and she'd still burn to a crisp if she didn't put on sun block. When I move the strap on her bikini I can see the tan line, so it's not as if she has no color. She just isn't as dark as most of the girls on the beach. I kiss her shoulder before moving the strap back in place.

Now feels like it might be a good time to broach the tough topic. I rest my chin on her shoulder before I quietly say, "You know I want to stay here, right? I don't want to leave you."

"I know," she answers just as quietly.

"If there are no jobs for me it's not like I can keep bar tending when the summer ends." Not that I'm above that kind of work, but most places close down for the winter. It's more cost effective because there just aren't enough people here to support the economy.

"I know," she replies half-heartedly. She seems so distant now. Has she heard this all before?

"Would you...come to Chicago with me?" I ask.

She turns to look at me. She's definitely shocked, but she almost appears fearful too, if I can trust the emotion on her face. "I-I can't leave, Edward. I have school and the hotel..."

"There are community colleges in Chicago, Izzy, and it's not your hotel. Your mother can manage without you."

Now I see anger flash across her face. "Oh, I see. So because I'm not in some fancy college I can just pick up and go anywhere?"

"You know I didn't mean it like that Isabella." I slowly move my hand up to caress her cheek but she flinches away.

"I can't. I can't move to Chicago." Her body language tells me the conversation is over as she crosses her arms and turns away from me.

There are a lot of things around us that should be making noise. The waves. Lifeguards with whistles. Kids. Radios. Tram cars. Seagulls. Small planes with loud engines that pull banners through the sky. All those things around us, and I don't hear a single, solitary sound right now…except my heart beating in my ears. Well, at least I know it's still working.

I reach out and touch her shoulder because I need to feel connected to her in some way. "It was just a suggestion, Iz. I just want to be together."

When she turns to look at me there are tears in her eyes. "There is nothing here for you, Edward. And there is no way I can move, not this year. We just need to...to accept it."

"Accept what? That we have to do this long distance?" I can't hide my frustration as I continue. "And don't tell me there is nothing here. You are here and you are everything. So everything that I need is here."

"You can't stay here," she says, looking at the ground. "This town has nothing to offer you after all your hard work at Brown. So yeah, if you want to try a long distance relationship then I'm willing to try."

I don't know what to say now. "If there is nothing for me here, and you can't move to Chicago, where does that leave us, Iz?"

"I don't know," is her answer. She finally looks up at me and asks, "Do we have to figure all this out right now?"

After seeing her so upset I can only answer, "No." I guess I have my answer, too. Iz can't move. Not this year anyway.

I pull Izzy into my chest and we lay back on the blanket. We're just quiet for a while but eventually I let my fingers lightly tickle her stomach, trying to return to the playfulness we had earlier today, while my other hand hold onto hers atop my chest. She giggles and pulls away every time my fingers trace her side. It's too hot and sticky to lay like this for long.

I try to talk Izzy into cooling off in the ocean. She refuses, saying, "Must have chlorine." I roll my eyes and make my way into the water. I turn around to look at her when I am waist deep. She smiles and waves. I really don't want to be away from her right now, so once I've cooled down a bit I head back to the shore.

"So, you want chlorine, huh?" I ask, taking a towel from the bag.

"Yes," she whines.

"Let's go to the cabana then," I say with a sigh. I offer my hand to help her up and gather everything, including Izzy. She is still complaining about the hot sand on her cute little feet.

Once we reach the boardwalk, I head for the first store that sells flip flops. I find a cheap pair and walk back to Izzy where she stands by the wall of shoes. I notice she is holding a pair of flip flops, too.

"I love these," she sighs.

I take them from her and notice the fifty dollar price tag. For flip flops? "Do they know these are flip flops?" I ask, putting them down.

"They are Steve Madden," she says with a roll of her eyes, as if I completely offended her, and picks the shoes back up. "Maybe I can come back and get them when my mom pays me." She admires them a bit longer before placing them back on the display.

I am so screwed. I pick them back up and ask her what size. "I can't let you buy me these. They are too expensive. I'll just get a cheap pair and we can go."

The sales girl looks between us, waiting to see if she will be needed. "Tell her what size, Iz."

"Seriously?" I just nod at her question. Izzy tells the clerk her size and she takes off to find the shoes.

As we wait, I notice a guy checking Izzy out. I pull her closer, and scowl at the guy. I know how good she looks in a bikini. I also know how good she looks without a bikini. I'm ticked at this guy because he looks at her like he wants to know too, and that is not going to happen. I look around for a cover-up and notice a gray t-shirt with a maroon Indian and 'Wildwood Warriors' printed across the chest. She would get a small, but I want her covered so I grab a medium.

"A local high school shirt? Really?" she asks, assuming it's for me.

"Yes, to cover you up. Maybe if guys think you are in high school they won't even look."

"Some might look harder," she says with a mischievous grin.

If I had told her about my interview I could convince her to wear it by telling her she would be supporting me. Maybe her wearing it will be good luck. I need all the luck I can get.

After paying for our items I take the tags off, pull the shirt over Izzy's head, and drop the flip flops to the ground. She slides her feet in the shoes and I take in her appearance. The shirt falls low enough to just cover her ass. It will do.

Izzy and I spend the rest of the afternoon floating the lazy river at Ocean Oasis. We tease each other and talk about nonsense.

She falls off her tube when I tell her my parents are coming in two days.

UTB

**BPOV**

"It was not _that_ funny, Edward."

"Actually, it was hilarious."

"You're a jerk," I say, pushing my chair back.

He grabs me around the waist, pulls me into his lap and says, "And you're beautiful." I just shake my head. Alice giggles from her place at the table.

Edward felt the need to tell Alice and Jasper about how I fell off my tube when he told me his parents were coming. They all found the story highly amusing. I, on the other hand, am freaking out. I have two days to figure out how the hell I was going to avoid them.

We all decided to have supper together this evening and I actually taught Alice how to make garlic shrimp pasta just by talking her through it. The pasta turned out awesome and she could not stop clapping and jumping around. She stops suddenly and says, "I have to save some of this for mom and dad! They'll never believe I actually cooked!"

"And without having to call the fire department," Edward teases, cowering behind me.

Alice sticks her tongue out at him. I can't help but laugh at their silly antics.

"Izzy's a great teacher. She even gives instructions like 'take the fork out of the bowl before you close the microwave'. She's thorough and thoughtful," Alice huffs as she picks up the dirty dishes.

Edward chuckles at her and kisses my neck.

"Alice, you're an awesome student" I say, making her laugh.

Alice and I go to the living room to talk while Edward and Jasper wash the dishes. I can hear them ribbing each other and laughing as she tells me about her mom and dad.

"Don't worry. They'll love you," she says as Jasper walks in.

"Okay, woman, it's off to bed with you," he says, holding his hand out to Alice. She giggles and launches her tiny body at him. They head up the stairs, laughing.

Edward comes to sit beside me on the couch and pulls me to him. I straddle his lap, and he leans in to kiss me. "Come on, baby. Shower?" he asks against my lips. His voice is raw, rough, and needy.

I nod and kiss him again. I move to stand but he holds me against him as he gets up. I wrap my legs around him and he carries me up the stairs to his room. It takes a while to get there as we continue kissing along the way. He goes into the bathroom and sets me down on the counter where he undresses me slowly. I return the favor, taking my time to rid him of his clothes. We finally step into the shower where we take turns washing each other and sharing kisses. Nothing is rushed, but our need for each other grows with each touch. With every kiss.

Something has shifted.

Whatever this shift is has left us breathless. It feels like I am too far away from him even while I stand in his embrace. I need to be with him, so I whisper those words against the shell of his ear. He immediately turns off the shower, picks me up, and carries me to the bed with one big towel wrapped around the both of us.

Edward sets me down on the bed. "I love you, Iz." he says, breathily. He moves away just long enough to open his nightstand drawer and pull out a condom, then returns and covers me with his body.

He takes his time with me, whispering how he loves me. How he can't live without me, ever. When my tears start to fall, he wipes them away with his thumb.

We come together and fall apart, together.

Later that night I watch Edward sleep. He looks so peaceful and I cry because I don't have that same peace of mind. I have so many balls up in the air. I will eventually fumble them and something will hit the ground because I can't catch them all. The truth is going to come out, and he will never forgive me when that happens.

I'll have to learn to live without him.

"Izzy," he whispers. I think he's caught me staring at him but I quickly realize he's still asleep. I brush my fingers against his cheek. He reaches out to pull me into his side. I snuggle in as close as I can and finally fall asleep.

UtB

It would appear that Edward has decided that the most effective way to wake me up is with an orgasm. As I slowly regain consciousness I realize he is under the sheets. He holds one of my hands in his while his other hand is moving inside me. His tongue is working some awesome magic of its own. He pushes and sucks. I let out an embarrassing loud throaty moan and an "oh, Edward!"

We're both surprised as the bedroom door flies open.

"Oh! Oh my god!" a female voice exclaims. I expect to see Alice, standing there, but this is a woman I've never seen before. As quickly as she entered, she turns and walks out of the room but leaves the door open behind her..

"Oh, shit. Mom!" Edward yells, as he climbs out from under the sheets and tries to keep me covered at the same time. He throws on boxers, and shuts the door.

I would love to disappear at this moment. Since that's not possible, I whisper-yell at Edward instead. "Why didn't you lock the door? Shit."

"Calm down. Let's just go talk to her," he suggests. Is he out of his freaking mind?

I launch a pillow across the room. It hits him square in the chest, but he barely flinches. "How can I be calm? I just moaned like a fucking porn star in front of your mom! Don't you dare leave me in here all by myself. Oh god. Can I go jump out the win-"

His hand covers my mouth, interrupting my panic attack. Very calmly, he says, "Just put on some clothes and come on. It'll be okay, babe."

I take a deep breath to calm myself before I pull on my shorts and one of Edward's t-shirts. Edward grabs my hand to lead me down the stairs. I feel like I'm a gladiator walking into the lion's den.

Everyone is in the living room. Jasper sits on the couch with Alice perched in his lap. Edward's mother sits next to Alice, both of them laughing hysterically. Edward's mom is beautiful. She has wavy caramel hair, that's just a little darker than Edwards. She and Edward share the same alarming green eyes. Next to her is Edward's father. He's an older, almost as good looking as Edward. His hair is blonde but graying a little around the sides.

Edward's mom jumps up from the couch when we enter the room. "Son!" she exclaims.

Edward lets go of my hand so he can give her a hug and greets her with an affectionate, "Hey, Mom." Once they break from their hug Edward turns to introduce me. "This is my Izzy," he says with a smile, and wraps his arm around my waist. "Iz, this is my mom Esme, and my dad, Carlisle."

I expect her to give me the evil eye after what she walked in on. She actually does the one thing I don't expect. She hugs me too.

"So happy to meet you," she says. I can hear the true excitement in her voice.

"It's very nice to meet you," Carlisle says with a wink in my direction.

"I thought you coming tomorrow." Edward starts a conversation with his parents as if nothing unusual has happened. He smiles at me as if to say _'I told you it'd be fine.'_

"Your mother decided to bump the day up. I tried to stop her but...," Carlisle shrugs and offers by way of explanation.

"It would be like trying to move the sun," Edward finishes. Carlisle laughs, and nods.

"Oh, shush! I missed my babies," Esme responds and smacks both men on the chest.

Esme returns her attention to me and before I know it, she's leading me to the couch by both hands. Jasper, Edward and Carlisle excuse themselves to the kitchen to make breakfast. Alice gives me a smile, kisses her mom on the head, and says she's going get dressed. This is such a set up.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am about earlier..." Esme trails off. "But I'm so happy to meet you. I haven't seen my Edward smile like that in... a while. It's nice."

"I... Thanks. Uh, it's okay." I stammer, struggling for words.

We talk for a while, and eventually Alice comes downstairs to join us. We can hear the guys talking and laughing in the kitchen. While we wait for breakfast, Esme and Alice tell me stories about Edward and his childhood. I love the way Esme talks about him. It's obvious she loves both Alice and Edward very much.

"...oh I never thought he'd get over it. It was such a shame. Kate is so lovely."

"Mom!" Alice interrupts with a wide-eyed look of disbelief.

Edward told me a little about Kate and Rose told me about the trip they took to Europe together. Apparently, Edward left out how much his mother loved Kate.

"What? I'm not saying anything wrong. Kate is a lovely _woman_." Her emphasis on the word 'woman' makes me feel like she has seen right through me.

Before Alice can say anything else, the men return to the living room with plates of food. Edward smiles his heartbreaking smile at me. It almost doesn't matter who this Kate girl was, or that Esme seems to have liked her. A lot.

For this moment, he's here with me.

I move over so that he can sit next to me. He pulls me to sit on his lap instead. He pushes my hair over my neck and places a lingering kiss there. It takes everything in me not moan at the contact. I giggle nervously and feel him smile against me.

"Oh, Romeo. Stop it and let the girl eat," Carlisle laughs.

Edward laughs, and for the next twenty minutes we talk about everything and nothing.

"How was the boat, son?" Carlisle asks.

"Fun," Edward replies with a quick glance in my direction. I blush, thinking about just how much fun it was. "It's been too long since I've been on it," he continues.

"If you don't have any plans we could take the boat out and make a day of it," Alice suggests.

"Sounds great," Edward answers enthusiastically.

UtB

An hour and a half later I find myself hiding behind Edward in completeembarrassment.

"You've certainly have been busy, Romeo," Carlisle teases.

"So, taking out the boat was…what did you say Edward? Oh right, it was 'fun'," Esme says, eying both of us.

"Um, can you guys just give me a minute?" Edward asks.

Once the others leave the room I give him a smack on the chest before I exclaim, "Why didn't we pick up the condom wrappers?" His family is obviously up on the deck thinking that their son is being corrupted. Sure, we had sex on the deck once, but after that we came below to the small cabin and had lots more sex.

No wonder Esme just _loves _Kate. I bet she never walked in on them going at it or had to witness the aftermath of all the sex they had on the boat named after her.

Edward just sighs, kisses my forehead, and starts picking up the condom wrappers. There are only four so it's not that big a deal, but when it's the first thing you see when you walk on the boat it's a bit nerve-wracking. Add that to the peep show which took place just hours before and you have utter humiliation.

Edward gives them the all clear and helps Carlisle untie all of the ropes. I sit on the bench seat in the back and just watch Edward move. He is bare-chested and his shorts hang low on his hips. Dangerously and deliciously low.

I enjoy being around Carlisle. A person can tell that he doesn't take himself seriously by the way he jokes around with Edward and Alice. He seems curious about my interest in art.

Esme, on the other hand, makes me feel a bit off balance. She hasn't been evil to me or anything. She's definitely nice, but she seems to be analyzing me. Edward told me she's a psychiatrist and that she often has trouble separating work from pleasure. I realize that I have to try extra damn hard to hide the fact that I'm seventeen years old.

Alice comes to sit next to me and smiles encouragingly. "Try not to let what mom said about Kate get to you. I won't tell you everything because it's Edward's story, but Mom and Dad are close to Kate's mom; have been as long as I can remember. Mom thinks of Kate as a daughter. She and Edward were together for about six years, and it ended horribly." I'm confused now because Edward told me their break up was no big deal.

She continues quietly, as if letting me in on a secret. "I'm so glad he found you, Izzy. You're good for him. I don't know how he would handle having his heart broken again."

What do you say to something like that?

"Mom does like you. She just hasn't seen Edward happy in a long time so she's a tad skeptical."

I nod, still unsure of what I could possibly say.

I'm surprised when I hear Edward's voice so close to us. "What are you two whispering about?" he asks. Then he shoves Alice over, trying to make room to sit between us. "Stop hogging my Izzy."

Alice stands in front of Edward with her hands on her hips after being booted from her seat. She just shakes her head and says, "This is pointless! You're the one who hogs her! Can't you go play with dad?" Edward just laughs at her behavior and pulls me closer to him, so Alice walks off in a huff.

As we snuggle together Esme walks toward us, smiling the whole way, and makes Edward scoot over so she can sit down.

"Edward, I need help with something. Can you come with me?"

"Sure, ma," he says before following her into the cabin.

I sit back and enjoy the sun. Carlisle and Jasper are telling jokes back and forth while Alice reads a magazine. It's nice that I can have this bit of quiet during what is turning out to be a very difficult day.

When Edward and Esme haven't returned after twenty minutes I start to wonder if I should go help them. I'm about to walk into the cabin when I hear Esme and stop dead in my tracks.

"Edward, she's a girl."

"Yeah, Mom. I'm definitely aware that she's a girl. Would you prefer I date a guy?"

"I mean she seems young," Esme clarifies with a hint of exasperation in her voice. They have to be talking about me. I hide behind the wall so I can hear the rest of the conversation but not be seen.

Edward's voice is tense when he responds. "You just have your heart set on something else. News flash, mother; she broke it off, not me. Izzy may seem a little young, she may not be an Ivy Leaguer, and her father may not be a senator, but I love her. Nothing is ever going to change that. You can get used to it, or stay out of it."

"I told her to call you. You both need to work things out. Stop all this nonsense."

I can feel Edward rolling his eyes, and I imagine how tight his jaw must be clenched right now.

"It's not nonsense! I am over Kate. I don't want that life with her."

I hear footsteps, but before I can do anything Edward is standing in front of me. I see the shock in his eyes as he realizes I've heard thing I shouldn't have. It's then that I realize I'm actually crying.

"Iz..." he says while wrapping me in a comforting embrace. Esme walks out, looking startled to see us standing right there. Edward glares at her briefly, and pulls me to the front of the boat, away from everyone else.

"Hey... stop. You're too pretty to cry," he soothes as he wipes the tears from my face.

"She hates me. I'll never be Kate. I'll just be some stupid Jersey girl keeping you from the real love of your life," I mumble into his chest.

"Forget about Kate. Kate was my girlfriend in college. I was ready to marry her," he says, and then lifts my chin up so he can look into my eyes. "Esme and Kate's mom, Patty, are best friends. They always thought we'd end up together. Kate wasn't ready though. She is a free spirit and she said she couldn't stay in one place, couldn't stay with me. It sure as shit hurt when it happened, but I can honestly say I'm glad it didn't work out now." He says with a small, reassuring smile. He goes on to tell me more about her. More details then I ever imagined wanting to know.

"I'm nothing like her." What I really want to ask is why he lied...but I can't. Not with all the lies I have told him. He nods and then we both look down at our twined hands.

I'm glad he doesn't want someone like that. It's good for me, not so great for Esme, I guess. Evidently she wants Edward with someone like Kate. Someone important. Someone with status. Someone worthy of an Ivy League education. I remind myself that I only need to be concerned with what Edward wants.

After a moment of quiet, he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. I fell his warm breath across my face as he says, "I love you." I feel important as he leans in to kiss my lips.

When he pulls away I whisper, "I love you, too."

Now that I'm calm Edward sits back and I lean back against his firm chest. He plays with my hair as we sit and enjoy each other's company. As we talk and laugh I almost forget how crappy this day has been. After some time Alice and Jasper come join us. They let us know that we're heading back to shore. I suddenly regret not enjoying myself more.

Edward ignores Esme when we leave the boat. He takes my hand and pulls me down the dock toward our spot. Alice catches up with us and asks, "How long are you going to be mad at her, Edward?"

"Until she apologizes and means it," is his answer.

Before anything else is said, Esme and Carlisle walk up to us. Carlisle addresses Edward with, "Son."

I know that tone of voice. It's the one that Phil or Emmett try to use on me occasionally. I refer to it as 'the dad voice'.

Edward sighs, and turns to me. "Go ahead. I'll be right behind you." Then he kisses me on the forehead.

"I love you," I say low enough for just him to hear. I walk past Esme and Alice, ignoring them when Esme calls my name. I'm trying so hard not to cry again. I know that if I look at her I won't be able to control the tears at all. The only though in my head is that it's over. She's going to tell him. All the signs are there. My eyes are focused on the ground so I don't see the person in from of me until I run into him.

The person laughs, and I've never been so happy to hear the familiar rumble.

"Of all the people to run in to. Literally," he says while he continues to laugh.

The little control I have over my emotions completely disappears. "Riley," I cry out as I fall into his waiting arms.

He rubs my back to calm me down. "Hey, what's wrong? What did the shoobie do now?"

I shake my head. "I'm so stupid. His mom sees right through me. She's going to tell him!" I know my words won't make any sense to him but it feels good to say them out loud.

"What? Bells, what are you talking about?" he whispers in my ear. I hear the confusion in his voice, but I can't answer while I cry.

Suddenly everything feels different. I know Edward is here even though I can't see him. Riley confirms this when his arms tighten protectively around me.

"Izzy," is all that Edward says. In that one word I can tell that he isn't mad yet, even though I haven't seen his face. I wipe my face on my shirt, and turn to him. His forehead wrinkles in concern and then I find myself in his arms.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Mom said she was sorry. She can see how happy you make me," he whispers. I don't trust my voice right now so I just nod against him. "I told her to give us some time. Stay with me tonight?" he asks.

"Okay," I answer immediately.

Edward turns to Riley, who has been watching this whole time. I give Riley a quick hug and thank him for the support. I also promise to tell him what happened as soon as I can.

At that very moment my phone rings. The ringtone lets me know that it's Renee. I look back at Edward. "Uh, I have to get this," I say and walk away to answer the call. I make sure to stay close enough that I can still see Edward and Riley as they stand side by side.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hey baby. Are you coming home tonight or should I send Melanie a check for your rent?" She asks, referring to Jessica's mom. As I listen to my mom I watch the guys. Edward says something to Riley. Riley turn to him suddenly, and I can't see his face anymore.

"I'll be home tomorrow. I promise." Now Edward runs his hands through his hair and shakes his head.

"Okay. Love you, baby," she says before she hangs up.

I put my phone away and walk back toward the guys. Whatever they're talking about looks like it has them both worked up, so it can't be good. I approach from behind Edward pick up on their conversation.

"Look, I don't like you. I'm not blind, I see the way you look at her," Edward says.

Riley notices me behind Edward and looks at me with sad eyes. Edward must realize I've returned because he turns around.

"Doesn't matter," Riley says with no emotion. "She looks at you the same way. I'm just a friend." He shakes his head and walks away. I feel his hand brush against mine for a split second as he passes by.

I spin around to watch him, confused by his comments. I'm brought back to the moment when I hear Edward sigh behind me. I'm suddenly very angry.

I round on Edward with all the pain and anger of the day. "What the fuck was that?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

"He started it. While I agree with him, he has no right to say anything about my family."

"Care to elaborate?" I don't want to draw a crowd so I move toward our spot under the boardwalk. Edward must understand because he follows.

Apparently Edward is feeling some anger too. I hear it in his voice as he answers, "No, not really. Especially not after I've seen him hug you like that."

I flop down into the sand with a sigh. "He was being a friend," I defend. "He could tell I was upset and just wanted to help me feel better."

Edward chuckles at my statement. "If you don't see it, then maybe you should examine your relationship with him. It may have been convenience for you but it's something more for him."

"That's just..." I shake my head because words fail me. I want to say stupid, but something stops me. I want to be mad at Edward right now. He had no right to talk to Riley like that.

"He isn't the one that caused you to make all these rules, he is just the product of those rules. The rules were for Alex, right?"

I nod.

"Alex ended bad, didn't it? Please open up to me, Iz. If you don't tell me, I start imagining shit that I hope to God I'm wrong about." He seems so honest, like he only wants to know so he understands me better, not so he can use the information to hurt me. He makes me want to share the story.

So I tell him about Alex, just like he told me about Kate. It's not a pretty story, and maybe at twenty-one I should be over the hurt. The problem is that I'm not twenty-one and it just happened last summer. I don't hurt over Alex, I hurt over the way I let him treat me. He made me feel like some object.

Edward listens patiently. When I finish, he hold me close as he tells me everything I want to hear. This isn't a game to him. He wants to make me happy. He can't imagine going a day without at least hearing my voice. It makes me feel so special.

To prove his feelings he kisses me deeply. His mouth moves over mine slowly as his fingers stroke my face, erasing my tears. I moan causing him to smile against my lips. My neediness becomes more apparent as I pull myself closer to him. His phone ringing slows everything down abruptly.

He looks at the screen. "Sorry, baby. Speaking of things that need to be finished…let me get this quickly," he says with a kiss to my cheek.

"Okay," I reply reluctantly.

"Hello, Kate," he answers trying to sound PC with her. He gives me an apologetic smile before he turns and walks away.

For the third time today, the tears fall and I can't stop them.

**Soooo next chapter...well you are going to need your big girl panties. Get ready. 10 and 11 are going to be HUGE. **

**Go check out Starry Eyed Inside, tell them the authors of Under the Boardwalk sent you when you read that awesomeness. It's by Rochelle Allison. Prepare for heartfail, and wishing for your first love again...**

**See you next week! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Oh, The heartfail is strong in this one...**

Chapter 10

**BPOV**

As soon as Edward notices my tears he ends the phone call with Kate.

"Listen, Kate...now isn't a good time. I'm with my girlfriend...Very happy...Sure..." He hangs up in a rush, not even saying goodbye.

"Iz?" He comes over and kneels in front of me. "I'm sorry..." he begins. This is the moment I see how truly screwed I am. It plays out like a movie in my mind.

"Bella," I blurt out, raising my head to look him in the eye. "I hate being called Isabella. Just Bella, please." He looks at me in confusion.

"I'm Bella Swan. I live at the Twilight Hotel with my mom. I have an older brother named Emmett. My birthday is September thirteenth, nineteen-ninety-three." He shakes his head and backs away, a look of disgust on his beautiful face.

"Izzy...I'm sorry," he repeats. I haven't spoken to him since before the phone call. I made no big revelation. None of those words left my mouth.

They should. I should force them out but the thought of that makes my stomach feels queasy. I don't have the guts to say those words. The truth. It will set me free, right? Unfortunately, it will also doom me. I can't believe this is happening.

When he goes home...he will call me and I will be the one to ignore him. To break his heart. I already have, he just doesn't know it yet. I realize now that I have to let him go.

I stand up, looking only at my feet as I back away from him. "I need space," I say barely loud enough for him to hear. Then I slowly raise my eyes to his.

"Space?" he questions.

I don't trust my voice so I just nod.

"Why? Because Kate called? Because of my mother?" he asks, rising from the ground and stepping toward me.

I lift my hand, palm forward, to stop him from coming any closer. "I'm afraid of what I have done."

"You haven't done anything, Iz." I can tell he is trying very hard to keep his voice calm.

I laugh darkly. "You have no idea."

Edward throws his hands in the air, probably in exasperation. "I can't keep doing this with you. It's like a roller coaster! Are you ever going to let me in?"

I drop my eyes back to my feet. "It would only hurt you more if I did."

"Why don't you let me decide if that's true?"

The words play over in my mind. Words that would explain who I really am. I'm Bella Swan. I'm seventeen. Just say it out loud, Bella. No matter how much I try, I just can't.

"Because you'll hate me," I choke out.

"I'm not playing games here, Isabella. But you..." Edward trails off shaking his head.

"Just...enjoy the rest of the summer. Go back home and live your life. All of this here," I wave my arm in a sweeping motion around our surroundings, "it isn't good for you. _I'm _no good for you," I finish, pointing at my chest. Every word is the truth. I can ruin him. I may have already.

Edward looks defeated. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

Again, I can only nod.

The drive back to the town house is silent. I stare out the window so I won't be tempted to confess my sins. When we reach the house, I head directly to Edward's room in order to pack up my things. In a last act of preservation I allow myself to take his high school t-shirt. I may be letting him go but I desperately need something of his to hold on to.

Just as I finish packing Edward walks quietly into his room. "Why are you doing this, Iz?" It comes out as barely a whisper.

I feel my chin quiver and my eyes sting as they fill with tears. I swipe at the moister with my hand before I look up at him and answer. "So you won't hate me. I can't bear the thought of you hating me, and after all that talk about it not being the right time with Kate...well, it's not the right time for us either."

"When will the right time be?" I still my movements when he comes to stand close to me. He takes my hand and places it over his heart. "If you tell me then I'll wait for you."

"I have a lot going on this year, with school, with family, and I wanted to do more." Like go to college, I think to myself. "I can't get out of my commitments this year, but I'd give up the rest of next summer for you." The rest, as in the portfolio I have been working on for the past year to get into an awesome art school.

"You don't have to give up anything for me, Iz," Edward pleads.

"I do. It wasn't right to let myself get so involved. There are reasons I didn't want to fall in love." I put a few more things in my bag before turning quickly to head into the bathroom. I need to take a few deep breathes and collect myself. Once in there I see the toothbrush Edward bought for me. I'm sure he doesn't want to wake up and look at it the rest of the summer, so I toss it in the trash.

I sit down on the edge of the jacuzzi tub and look around, remembering all the tender moments I shared with this man. All the love he showed me. All the love that I sabotaged with the lies that I told from day. I remind myself that he is going to be a high school teacher. He can't date a high school student. I can't ruin him before he even begins.

When I gather the courage to go back into the bedroom, Edward isn't there. The green shell is resting on top of my bag.

Edward's family looks at me sadly when I finally walk down the stairs. The way Alice looks makes me want to cry even more. What can I say after today's fiasco? "It was really nice meeting all of you. I'm very sorry..." I say while looking down at the floor.

Edward's mother walks to me, places her hands on my arms and sincerely tells me she didn't mean to upset me by talking about Kate. I give her a small smile. "Thank you, but this has nothing to do with Kate." More tears sting my eyes, but I continue my explanation. "This is about who I am right now." I know it makes no sense to any of them. Not even Edward.

Esme gives me a weak hug before I turn to look at Edward. His jaw is tense and his hands are shoved in his pockets. He holds the door open for me and me outside. "Izzy, whatever it is, we can talk about it and figure it out. I'm not fucking Alex..."

"Shhh," I say as I gently place my fingers over his lips. He looks away as a tear slides down his cheek. "It's more than Alex. It's so much more that I don't even know where to begin." I know it's selfish of me not to tell him even though I am ending our relationship anyway. I just can't bear the thought of him looking at me in disgust, even though I do deserve it. It's better this way. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have.

"Just be happy," I tell him.

He finally looks back at me. He pulls me into a tight hug and says, "That's not going to happen without you," and he sobs against my shoulder. I claw at the back of his shirt, holding on as tight as I can for this last moment. He pulls back and takes my face in his hands as if it's the most precious thing in his world. He brushes his thumbs over my wet cheeks, and then he leans down and kisses me. Hard. His tongue is rough in my mouth. I cling to his sides as I feel the wetness of his tears slide from his cheeks onto mine.

I have to break the kiss as my emotions become more than I can control. I fling open my car door as Edward steps back. He puts his hands back in his pockets, and watches from the side of the road as I drive away.

I cry the entire way home but I try to compose myself before I go inside our apartment. Just outside the door I stop to take a few deep breathes, trying to work up the nerve to walk inside. I only need to make it to my room then I can fall apart again. Drawing on ever last bit of strength I have I clutch my bag, hold my breath and I walk inside, head down.

"Well, hello young lady. I just had a very nice chat with Melanie," my mom says in mock sweetness. I realize she knows. Jessica's mom has told her that I haven't been spending the nights at her house. In other words, I'm busted, but right now I couldn't care less.

I look up at her and the smug smile drops from her face. She can see I have been crying. "Bella? Oh, no!" She comes to me and wraps me in a hug. Once I feel her comforting arms I can't stop myself from sobbing openly. After a moment, she pulls me to the couch and holds me, soothing me but also letting me cry.

I don't understand why she is behaving like this, why she isn't yelling at me for lying. As we sit together I manage to mumble, "Don't tell Em. Please."

"I didn't want you to get hurt like this, Bella," Mom says as she softly strokes my hair. Neither did I. Of course, I never imagined I'd actually fall in love.

I spend the next few days are curled up in bed, crying and feeling sick to my stomach. I finally unpack the bag finally after three days, leaving the green shell on my dresser with a pile of other shells Edward picked for me over the summer. He knows how I like to use them to make the picture frames.

I decide that's what I should do to pass the time so I open my phone and flip though the pictures. I come across a picture of Edward that takes my breath away. His smile is big and his eyes are alive, full of love and laughter. It's one that I took when he was being all goofy outback of his house. The boys were drinking beers while Alice and I had wine coolers. Edward had just changed the ring tone on my phone to "Just the Way You Are" to alert me whenever he called. I snapped a picture of him with the phone when he tossed it back to me. I print out the picture, place it a frame, and start to decorate it with Edward's shells. When I get to the green one, I can't bring myself it put it on the frame. I sit it right beside the framed picture though.

My mom notices the picture but she doesn't say anything. I can't tell her how much I appreciate the fact that she doesn't try to cheapen my feelings for him.

Later, as I flip through my phone to pass the time, I come to the picture of the cherry blossoms that Edward painted on my side. Next thing I know, I am standing on the boardwalk outside Oxygen Tattoo. It wasn't easy getting there. My heart aches with all the memories I hold of Edward under the boardwalk. I could only make it here for him...or us. Me. I just don't want to ever forget the beauty he created on my skin, inside my soul.

The fake ID works again like a charm, and it takes two very painful sessions to complete the cherry blossoms that Edward created down my right side. The guy tells me the rib cage is the most painful place to get a tattoo. Better the physical pain that the hurt in my heart and mind.

The finished product is perfect though. I kept it covered until it was complete but then I gave up trying to hide it from my mother. What was she going to do? It's not like I can get rid of it now.

She always surprises me. Once she gets over the initial shock, she loves the tattoo, admires it even. She remembers I had something similar painted there before. I tell her I was trying it out to see if I wanted to make it permanent. She doesn't need to know Edward painted it on me. In the end, she likes it so much that she goes to get one of her own, a small butterfly on her shoulder.

Emmett. Well, he thinks I have lost my mind. He doesn't like the placement, especially since it's obvious that the tattoo covers part of the side of my breast, all the way to below my hip bone. He doesn't like the permanence either. He thinks I should have just pierced something, like my tongue or my eyebrow. Holes will close, but this isn't going anywhere.

I try to act normal when Emmett and Rose are around, which isn't too hard with Emmett bitching about my tattoo every time I put on my bikini. I always know when they go hang out with Alice and Jasper. Rose doesn't speak to me about Edward anymore. I'm sure she knows I ended things and doesn't want to pour salt in the wound.

Riley comes over one day to try to cheer me up. He wants me to go to the beach with him, but I can't do that. We sit at the hotel pool instead.

As I squint against the sun Riley asks, "Have you heard from him?"

I don't really want to talk about this but I guess it's unavoidable. "No. He hasn't called or anything."

What he says next doesn't surprise me. "His sister came to the cabana...said he went back to Chicago with they're parents." I knew he was gone. I could feel it. Riley only confirmed it for me.

"It's better this way, Bells. I know it hurts, but at the end of the day you can't change the fact that you are still in high school. Sometimes the only solution is to wait."

Does he think hearing it out loud makes it any easier?

UtB

The summer passes and I slowly begin to laugh again. I still haven't gone back to the beach but Riley comes over every day. It's one of these days, when we find ourselves horsing around, that things come to a head.

Riley jumps in the pool, canon ball style. My mom is all strict with the no jumping rule, but for Riley, she looks the other way. He lands close to me, and I hit him for splashing me with water, then send a spray of water toward his face with my hands. He grabs my hand and pulls me closer. The smile leaves my face, as his lips tentatively meet mine. I pull away.

"I'm not...over him," I warn quietly.

He looks wounded. "You weren't over Alex last summer either."

"I didn't love Alex."

He doesn't kiss me again during our time together. I know he wants to. I've known Riley long enough that I can read it in his eyes. He tells me all I have to do is ask, let him know when I'm ready, but I don't think I ever will.

Labor Day weekend comes and there are plans for a huge bonfire…on the beach. Riley makes me go even though I'm really not up for it.

We hold hands as we walk onto the beach. We are greeted with hugs and red cups full of beer. The keg is under the boardwalk. Everyone is excited because it's the last party before senior year. They are excited for the year to begin and I just want the year to be over. Maybe once it's over I can tell Edward the truth. I won't be a high school girl anymore and if he can forgive me, then maybe we can find a way to make things work. It's the only hope I hold onto.

When the atmosphere becomes more than I can stand, I leave Riley and walk to 'our' spot for the first time in almost a month. Once there I gaze the heart, then trace the letters. The I. The E. I really shouldn't be down here, but I need to find some way to be close to Edward.

After a short while I return to the party with the intent to lose myself. I'm going to live it up and take my mind off my heartache. I chug beers and take gulps off the bottle of vodka being passed around. I dance by the fire with Jessica and Lauren as the buzz takes over my body. I feel someone press up against me as I dance. I quickly glance over my shoulder and smile as I realize it's Riley.

"The summer is over," I slur, leaning into my friend.

"Yup," is his only response.

"School starts in like five days," I announce, holding up four fingers.

"Something like that," Riley chuckles.

I walk sideways and bump into him. His hand reaches out and steadies me. "Time to stick a fork in you Bells. I think you're done for the night," Riley says as he leads me away from the chaos.

As he helps me in his car I decide the night it too young to end. "Take me to Keenan's."

"Bella..." he starts to protest.

"They know me. They will let you in. Let's go." I see his hesitation. "Now, Riley," I demand.

"Okay, Bella. Whatever you want," he says, sarcasm clear in his voice. He doesn't believe they'll let us in but he thinks he is appeasing me anyway.

When we do arrive at Keenan's the bouncer, whose name is Felix, lets us in with a smile. I turn and give Riley a look that is supposed to convey a 'told you so' attitude. Then I look around the room, almost expecting to see him.

Riley gently places his hand on my arm. "He isn't here, Bella." Why does he look heartbroken?

"I know," I snap at him. I know he doesn't deserve it, but I can't help myself.

I notice Jasper behind the bar, pouring drinks, and walk toward him. "Can a girl say goodbye or do you hate me?" I ask him.

"Izzy! Shit, I didn't expect to see you again." He gives me his signature smile and comes out from behind the bar to hug me.

"When do you leave?" I ask as he lets go.

"Tomorrow night. Alice is at the house packing," he states matter-of-factly.

My smile falters. "She hates me, doesn't..." I trail off.

"No one hates you, Iz. Why don't you let me buy you a drink," Jasper offers politely.

"Thanks, but Bella's had plenty to drink," Riley cuts in, putting his arm around my shoulder.

I shrug him off. "If I want another drink, I can have another drink," I reply curtly, glaring at my friend. I turn back to Jasper with the smile back on my face. "Captain and Coke?" I ask sweetly. I'm starting to think I might have a split personality.

"Sure thing," Jasper answers with a small nod before he walks back behind the bar to pour my drink.

I turn to the touch screen jukebox on the bar top and start pressing through songs. I steal a dollar from Riley's pocket and play the one song that can break my heart. I see him in my mind's eye, playing and singing to me under the boardwalk. I hum along until the last verse. Hearing the words makes me want to curl into the fetal position and stay like that forever.

"_We may only have tonight, but till the morning sun you're mine all mine. Play the music low and sway to the rhythm of love. When the moon is low, we can dance in slow motion and all your tears will subside. All your tears will dry and long after I've gone, you'll still be humming along and I will keep you in my mind. The way you make love so fine. We may only have tonight, but till the morning sun you're mine all mine..._"

"Why do you do this to yourself, Bells?" Riley asks, wiping a few tears from my cheeks. I can't believe I've just become the drunken crying girl at the bar. This is a new low for me.

Jasper sees my tears and comes over. "Edward?" I finally eek out.

Jasper just shakes his head. "If you want to know, call him. He'd want to hear from you," he encourages.

I nod and avert my eyes to the bar top. I think Jasper knows I won't call. I suck down the drink and ask Jasper for another.

Soon Jasper and I start downing what he calls 'cherry bombs'. It's made with Red Bull and Cherry Vodka. They are so good.

"I'm really mad right now. Edward never made me this," I say, downing the third, or is it fifth shot. Eh, who's counting?

"Please, flag her," Riley pleads.

"She seems fine to me," Jasper says with a shrug. "Izzy, you okay?"

"Bella," I answer, jerking my head up to look him in the eye. He looks confused. "My name is Bella. That was the first lie I told him. I hate being called Isabella or Izzy." I stop and will the tears to stay at bay. "I miss him calling me Izzy though." My voice cracks.

Jasper looks at me sadly and I suddenly feel the need to leave. I turn to Riley. "We can go. Let's go," I say as I hop off the bar stool. Well, it's really more like I fall off the bar stool. Riley has to catch me before I hit the ground. I'm so drunk I can hardly stand.

I notice the glare that Riley sends Jasper. "What's the damage?" he asks Jasper, holding me up and awkwardly trying to reach his wallet in his back pocket at the same time.

Jasper waves him off. "It's on me."

"Please, don't do me any favors," Riley bites at Jasper's response. Riley's being sarcastic because he asked Jasper to cut me off. Now my buddy is stuck with a very drunk Bella.

Riley finally fishes out his wallet, takes out a wad of money, and throws at least a hundred dollars down on the bar. As we move toward the exit it becomes clear that I can't walk a straight line so Riley picks me up and slings me over his shoulder. I feel him pull down my short skirt to protect my modesty. This is what a friend does for you.

"WAIT!" I hear Jasper call when we get outside. Riley stops and waits. "Is this how she's been since she broke up with him?"

"If by this, you mean a sloppy drunk, then the answer is no. It's usually more like the walking dead. Tonight's the first night I got her to come out and socialize. I thought it would be good for her," Riley answers, again heavy on the sarcasm.

"You thought bringing her here would be good for her?" Jasper questions, shocked.

"No. This was her idea, but I can't argue with her sober, let alone when she's already drunk."

Everything is spinning. I don't feel well all of a sudden. "PUT ME DOWN, RILEY!" I yell. Luckily, he listens because the minute my feet hit the ground I start to throw up in street.

I should say things to Jasper. Good things like…have a safe trip home…tell Alice...well, I don't know what to have him tell Alice. The problem is that I'm way too plastered to give them a proper goodbye, so I just wave him off as I throw up again.

When I finally straighten up it's just Riley and me. "Bella, you know I love you, girl, but if you puke in my car..." Riley warns helping me into the car seat. He hands me a bottle of water, and I chug it down.

I make it home without violating his car but I don't stop throwing up. Not just that night, or the next day, or the day after that either.

"Bella, are you going to be okay to go to school tomorrow?" my mom asks. "You have been awfully sick."

"I'm fine. It's just stress..." I trail off. This isn't new to me. My mom made me take dance classes as a child. Whenever I had a recital, I would throw up because I was so nervous.

She looks at me like she doesn't quite believe me, hands me some money, and tells me to get whatever I need for school. The money is usually for new clothes but I don't have the will to get a new wardrobe this year. Shopping usually helped me get over people like Alex, but a trip to Atlantic City was not going to help cure my aching heart this time. With the beginning of senior year looming on the horizon, my encounter with Jasper, and realizing just how much I still love Edward, I have been an emotional wreck lately.

I'm surprised when the doorbell rings a bit later. I open the door to find Lucas, whose family runs the Mango Motel, on the other side. He graduated with Emmett but they weren't very close. Emmett was a jock while Lucas was more of a stoner. I haven't seen him in a long time and I'm confused as to why he would be here now.

"Bella?" he asks. It would appear that I'm not the only one who is surprised.

"Hey," I greet with the best smile I can muster.

"This package came over to Mango for you," he says as he blatantly looks me up and down. "Wow, Bella. You sure have grown up," he leers.

"Oh...thanks. I guess the mailman screwed up." I shrug and take the package.

"Yeah, or the person just had no idea where you lived, 'cause it was hand delivered to Mango." He explains.

In that moment I know the package is from Edward. I thank Lucas again before I quickly shut the door. I feel sick to my stomach again and no one should be subject to that.

I open the package and CD with the words 'PLAY ME' written across its face falls into my hand. What comes next doesn't even qualify as a letter. It's more like a note.

"_Iz, the last month has been hell. I want to figure this out. Please come to our spot tonight at nine. I love you. Edward" _

The note is attached to a sketch. Of me. I have never thought of myself as beautiful, but in this picture, Edward makes me feel like I am.

I put in the CD in the player. The voice that drifts from the speakers is Edward's, not Bruno Mars. It's not the whole song either, but I guess it's the part that means the most to him.

"_She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day  
Oh you know, you know, you know  
I'd never ask you to change  
If perfect is what you're searching for  
Then just stay the same..."_

EPOV

I watch Izzy's car as she leaves. I actually continue standing beside the road long after the tail lights are gone.

"Edward," Alice says, putting her hand on my shoulder. She takes one look at my face, and wraps herself around me in a comforting embrace. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she says.

After a few minutes, her arms loosen just a bit and she looks up at my face again. "What happened?"

I shake my head. "She...she needs time."

"So give her time, Edward. She loves you, I know she does," Alice reassures. I nod because I know she does, too. I just don't understand why she's fighting it.

I resolve that if time is what Izzy needs, then time is what I will give her. It's not easy though. I have to numb myself and try not to thinking about anything for the next few days.

I work a couple nights at the bar; almost praying she'll come in while I'm there. It takes everything I have not to go to 'our' spot. I know if I break down and do that I'll definitely want to call her. I resist the urge to do anything that will remind me of her.

Esme thinks Izzy's reaction has something to do with her, so Mom obviously feels guilty. My parents do their best to help me and offer advice during this time. I decide the best thing for me to do is to go back to Chicago with them. I leave the day after them.

It's weird being back in Chicago with my parents. I go through all of the motions of daily life. I even call a few of dad's friends and contacts who teach looking for an opportunity. Mostly, my days are spent drawing and trying not to think of chocolate eyes and soft skin. I always fail miserably. I wonder if she still thinks about me, and if she does then why hasn't she called. Then I wonder if I should call her. I miss her so much.

I'm out taking care of some errands one day when I run into Peter and Randall, two of my best friends from high school. They tell me about the bar they own and I almost ask for a job. Ultimately, I don't because I'm not sure I could make a captain and coke for any other girl.

I start hanging out with them every night just to break the monotony. I turn down every offer I get, whether it be for a phone number, a cup of coffee, or a flat out invitation to go back to their place and have 'fun'. It isn't the same. All I can think about is what will happen when Izzy and I do get back together.

It's during one of these nights I find Peter laughing at me. "Dude! You turned down that! Did you see the tits on her?" He hits me on the chest as the second girl of the night walks away. Her hair was too curly, too red. Her tits, though nice, were too big.

I just shrug. "Not my type," I say, downing my beer and reaching for another one.

"You have a type, E?" he asks curiously.

"Not really. There's only one person I'll ever want." He doesn't push the topic, which is for the best. I'm wasted so I'd probably sing like a canary, and I really don't want to talk about my failed relationship.

By the end of the night I'm too drunk to even walk the half of mile home, so Peter invites me to crash at his apartment. His wife Charlotte is there to greet us. I remember them dating in high school, so they've been together forever and I remember thinking she was really nice. I missed their wedding because I was in Europe, but she hugs me like no time has passed at all. I notice her full, round stomach and ask about her due date. She tells me how excited she is to meet their daughter, Maggie. I drunkenly mumble out that I'm happy for them and I can't wait to meet Maggie either.

I fall asleep on the pullout couch. Well, pass out might be a better descriptor.

I wake up at eight in the morning to the sound of my phone ringing. It's is too early to be awake when it feels like something has died in my mouth but I grab for the phone, trying to answer. I'm too late and the call goes to voice mail.

It takes a minute for me eyes to adjust. I'm immediately awake when I recognize the New Jersey area code. My heart swells at the possibility that Izzy is calling. I'm pretty crushed when I realize it isn't her…until I hear the message.

"Hello, Edward. This is Marcus from Wildwood High School. After careful consideration, we have decided to offer you the position. Please call me back as soon as possible."

I listen to the message, once...twice. I call Alice and Esme for advice.

Alice just yells at me. "Call him back stupid! He'll want to know when you can get there."

I call him back and tell him I'm in currently Chicago, his first question is how soon can I get back.

"A week," I reply eagerly. "I can be there in a week."

Carlisle is ecstatic. Esme keeps telling me that it's a wonderful opportunity. All I can think is that I hope once Izzy finds out that I'm staying in Wildwood permanently, that she'll let me into her life.

Jasper and Alice call to say they'll be home three days before I leave for Wildwood. Alice asks if I've heard from anything from Izzy. I tell her no and listen to her disappointed sigh. Alice shares that she has a bad feeling and encourages me to contact her.

"I know how to get her attention. You should make some grand gesture," Alice teases. "Send her four dozen roses. Oh, I know. Send her a flock of pigeons."

"Pigeons?" I laugh.

"Fine. Doves, but that's a bit more predictable," she adds.

"Thanks for the ideas Alice, but Izzy is better than roses or some silly gesture," I say.

"It was just a thought," she mumbles.

I spend the next two days packing and working out all the details. I don't have much other than my clothes, my guitars, and art supplies. My dad and I also work out monthly rent for the townhouse. He lost three thousand dollars a week letting us stay there this summer. I don't expect free housing, but knowing that I will have to pay almost three thousand a month is a hard pill to swallow. Thankfully, my salary is enough to cover it; otherwise I'd be looking for an apartment.

I constantly try to think of something that will make Izzy see just how much she means to me. Peter and I are on the way to his house when inspiration hits. _Just the Way You Are _is playing on the radio, and I happen to glance up at the rear view mirror and see my sketchpad in the back seat.

Instead of hanging out with Peter, I offer my most polite brush off. He can see that something big is running through my head and lets me go without a fight.

I rush home and pull out my old recording equipment. Back in high school I would record myself singing or playing the piano in hopes of sending it off to snag a record deal. Peter, Randall and I even tried to form a band. I get a good laugh over the memories.

One thing I never thought I'd use the equipment for was to win back the love of my life.

I don't realize how late it is until Esme comes to my room. She knocks on the door before opening it and leaning in. "What are you doing holed up in here?" she laughs as she walks toward me.

I shrug. "I talked to Alice about Isabella the other day and she mentioned something about a grand gesture. I guess that is what I'm doing." I wave my hand in the direction of the recording equipment.

She gives me an encouraging smile before asking, "Are you okay? I mean, really okay, Edward?"

"Some days I am, some not so much. I miss her so much, Mom. I just feel like something is gone and I need to get it back."

"I hope you do," she whispers, kissing the top of my head. "I'm so proud of you. Always have been."

I'm moved by her warm words so I lean over and hug her. "Thanks, Mom."

"Now, the real reason I came up here." Mom takes a deep breath before continuing. "I wanted to warn you that Alice is convinced that you need a party."

I groan. Alice's parties are always too big.

Mom runs her hand through my hair. The gesture always did soothe me. "Shush, now. I told her I'd help so you'll have to humor us. You're not just going away for the summer, you know."

"Yes, I know. I also know I'm not shipping off to Antarctica, either."

She gives me a smile and squeezes my hand before leaving the room. Once the door closes I start recording again. I'm frustrated because I can't quite get the song right. I suddenly picture Izzy rolling her eyes, hitting me in the arm, and telling me I'm perfect at everything so I should stop trying so hard.

I finally get what I feel is good and burn it on a CD. Next I grab my sketch pad and look through the numerous pictures I've drawn of her. I find the one I like best, the one I know she'd like best, fold it, and put it in an envelope with the disc.

Alice calls a bit later to double check that I'm still picking them up from the airport tomorrow. "Oh, Jasper has something to tell you. Hang on one second." I hear Jasper's muffled curse through the line and then Alice whispering.

"Tell him," I hear demand. Then grumbling as Jasper picks up the phone.

"Hey bro," he says, stalling.

Unfortunately, I don't feel up to dancing around things tonight. "What's going on? Just tell me, Jasper."

He takes a deep breath and begins. "I saw her last night, at the bar. She was a wasted mess, man." Of course I know who he's talking about even though he doesn't say her name.

I run a hand through my hair in worry. "What happened? Who was she with?" I ask.

"Uh, that Riley guy..." he answers. I growl into the phone. Of course he was there. "To his credit, he was trying to get her out of there. He was pissed that she kept drinking. She looked sad and I didn't know what to do, Edward. I feel like I should have talked her into calling you or something."

"It's okay, Jasper." I don't know what else to say to him. A million different things run through my head. She was with Riley, and she was drunk. She has to be spending more time with him now. She thinks she's safe because she's with someone who will always be there for her.

If only she knew that I was coming home for good.

Jazz and I finish our conversation and say bye. Before I can hang up, Alice gets the phone again.

"Don't forget about your party tomorrow," she reminds me in a bubbly voice. She emailed me all of the details so I don't need to ask any questions. The party will be at a local restaurant, my favorite in all of Chicago actually. She didn't invite many people, but so far thirty had responded that they would attend.

Before falling asleep I wonder what Izzy will say when she finds out I will be staying in the area. What if this is a mistake. Not a very pleasant thought to end the day on.

UtB

I head to the airport at around noon and I'm waiting for them when their plane lands at one o'clock. Alice throws herself at me and hugs me like she hasn't seen me in two years instead of four weeks. We chat in the car and I drop them off at their apartment before I head back to my parents' house.

Later that evening I find myself dressed and waiting for my parents so we can head to the party. Dad comes downstairs and stands next to me by the bar. I look at him; really look at him for the first time in days. I haven't seen much of him recently. He's been working crazy hours at the hospital and he looks tired tonight. "You need to take some time off. Your schedule has to be wearing you down."

"You sound like your mother. I'm fifty, son. I'm supposed to look tired and worn out," he laughs.

He's always been carefree. "I'm serious, Dad. Take care of yourself, and Mom." My dad is great. He's always been my best friend and my mentor.

He notices my demeanor and lack of humor. "You okay, son?" he asks seriously. I just nod.

Dad steps over and gives me a tight hug. As he holds me he says, "I know you're nervous, but you'll do great . Call us if you need anything and we'll be there as fast as we can."

"Thanks, Dad." It's good to know people love you and support you, even into adulthood.

The clicking of heels on the tile floor alert us to Mom's entrance before she can see our moment. She'll be upset if she cries, and we don't want any part of that.

"Ready?" she asks, kissing Dad on the cheek. Seeing my folks together like this gives me hope for my future. Maybe forty years from now Izzy and I will be just as happy.

We reach Excalibur and I'm blown away by the way Alice has the event room decked out. She's definitely outdone herself this time.

Two hours pass and the party is winding down. Alice made a speech and Mom cried, just like I knew she would. Randall and I head out to the back patio so he can have a smoke. I tell him all about Izzy while we enjoy the evening and he wishes me the best of luck.

"When you get her to pop out a kid, you better name it after me," he laughs.

I punch him in the arm, but his words make me stop and think. I really hope going back to Wildwood doesn't blow up in my face.

We're the only ones on the patio, but the door suddenly opens and I hear a familiar voice. The voice belongs to a person I haven't seen in months. I didn't expect to see this person tonight either.

"Hey," Kate says in greeting.

"Hey," I answer. She looks different than she did the last time I saw her. Her hair isn't as blonde as it once was. It actually has a hint of red now. Loose curls frame her oval face. I watch as she tucks a curl behind her ear, and her hazel eyes glance between Randall and I.

Randall takes the hint. "Uh... I'll just be..." he says pointing toward the door before slipping inside.

"I don't want to keep you long. I know you don't want to see me, but I wanted to say that I'm happy for you, Edward," she says, grabbing my hand. It's a touch that used to set me on fire.

Of course, that was before she burned me for good.

"Thanks, Katie." She smiles at the old nickname. She hated being called that. I may have used it specifically for that reason.

She raises her hand to my cheek. "Just be happy, Edward," she says, and then she slips back inside.

I give myself a moment and then walk back inside. I didn't want to deal with Kate tonight, but I feel lighter after our brief encounter.

Alice runs over to me immediately. I can tell she's in a panic. "Are you okay? I had to invite her, but I never thought she'd actually show up. It's hard with Mom being so close her mother, ya know?"

"Breathe, Ali," I chuckle. "It's okay and she's gone now."

She smiles at me. "Really? That's awesome!"

As the last people filter out at the end of the evening, my family and Jazz sit to enjoy the quite. As predicted, Mom is a complete crying mess. The fact that she's had a lot of wine doesn't exactly help the situation.

"One last toast, and then we can go home," Alice exclaims.

"You sure, Ali? Your last one made Momma Es lose it," Jasper laughs. Esme playfully hits him on the chest and laughs along.

"You've worked so hard, Edward. You're the best at what you do, and you're going to teach some kid how to be the next Picasso. I love you, big brother. Here's to you. I hope you get your Izzy back." We lift our glasses for the last time, and without warning Alice flings herself at me for a huge hug.

I smile, hoping I manage to get Izzy back, too.

UtB

I say goodbye to Esme and Carlisle in the morning, promising to call them often and to see them for Thanksgiving. The fourteen hour drive is excruciating, but worth it. I get there at about ten pm, driving straight to the house. I park my car in the garage and head straight to my room, calling my folks and Alice to let them know I got in safely on the way.

I head to the bathroom to get ready for bed. As I look around I notice Izzy's shampoo is still in the shower. That sight makes me want to call her. I even contemplate going to the hotel to see her, but I'm completely exhausted. I finally convince myself to wait and follow the plan. I crawl into bed and pass out almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.

I wake up at eleven the next morning and start unpacking. After several hours of work I spot the package for Izzy sitting on my desk. I grab a pen to write a quick note, which asks her to meet me in our spot at nine. It's four right o'clock right now. I need to leave now if I want to make sure she gets the package in time.

I drive to the hotel, trying to contain my pent up energy. As I pull up to the hotel I feel so close to her. I don't see her car so I just drop the package off up front.

I'm very restless as I wait for the day to pass. I look at the clock countless times before I finally decide to get ready for the evening. I'm showered and ready by eight so I go ahead and set my plan in motion.

On the way I stop at the florist and grab a cherry blossom branch. I'm still there five minutes early, so I use the wait to think about all the good times we've had here. I give the bad moments a little reflection, too. I hope she comes and I pray that tonight will be added to the good times.

I let my eyes scan the surroundings and find the post where I carved our initials. After I trace them both, I lean my head against the post and try to control my breathing. I realize she hasn't tried to call me, text me, or contact me at all today. I'm suddenly filled with anxiety.

I feel her before I see her and the emptiness that I've carried in my chest for the last month is filled with peace. I turn to look over my shoulder and there she is, so close I can almost reach out and touch her.

"Izzy." I breathe, turning my whole body toward her.

She closes her eyes. "Edward," she answers, so low that I almost don't hear it.

Three steps. That's all it takes and I'm standing right in front of her. I want to touch her but I notice the tension in her body so I hold back. Her hands are clenched in fists at her sides.

"How have you been?" I ask, barely above a whisper.

"Horrible," she answers. "You cut your hair." For the first time in a month reaches up and runs her hands through it. Her touch sends warmth through my whole body.

"Yeah." I grab her hand, because I can't be this close and not hold some part of her.

"And you? How have you been?" she asks, softly. It's like the atmosphere is so fragile that talking at a normal volume will destroy it.

"I missed you," I say as turn her hand and place a kiss in the palm. She smiles, even if it's only a small one, for the first time since she arrived.

I pull her to me in a hug. Her arms slip effortlessly under mine, and I feel her clutching my shirt.

"I'm sorry," she says weakly against my chest.

"Don't."

We stand there, enjoying the feel of being wrapped around each other. Her tears soak into my shirt and I realize I'd do anything to make them stop.

After a moment I simply say, "I love you."

She lets out a sob, and steps back. "No, you don't. I told you not to. You're not allowed." She won't meet my eyes.

"It's too late. I'm a stubborn person," I say, lifting her chin. She won't look at me, but I still see it. I see the very second when it becomes too much.

"I can't. This is for the best. I love you, Edward. I really do."

"Wait, you can say it but I can't? That is such bullshit. Isabella Swan, I love you."

"No!" she yells, stepping back. I grab for her hand before she can get too far away.

"I. Love. You." I emphasize each word before I kiss her, desperately. She doesn't respond at first, and then her hands push against my chest. It seems half-hearted as she doesn't actually pull away from my lips. Slowly, she stops resisting and her lips begin to move with mine. Her hands move from my chest and wander into my hair. It's wonderful to feel her like this again, like no time has passed. When we finally break away, I lean my forehead against hers because I can't stand to be any farther away.

Her hands slip from my hair, run down my shoulders and arms, and stop to clasp my hands. "I love you," she whispers, gently squeezing both my hands. She kisses me once on the lips.

"I love you," I say again.

She chokes back a sob and drops my hands. "Goodbye, Edward."

I don't even try to stop her as she turns and walks away from me. I know her well enough to know that she has made up her mind and it will just be harder for the both of us if I continue to fight. All I can do is drop to my knees and watch her leave. Even after she's gone and I can no longer see her, I can do nothing but stare into the distance.

**Love you guys. Everyone of you. **

**Thank you for the reviews, you're all so amazing.**

**See you next time...**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Mr. Cullen, Meet Bella Swan.**

**Big thanks to HippieStarr and My2GalsPal for the help with this chapter. **

**Also big hugs to the girls on FB while Robi has been all emo with her divorce. Men suck. Unless you happen to find Edward. **

**EPOV**

I let her walk away. Again. Why? I don't see the point in pushing her. I'm not going anywhere and neither is she. Whatever her issue, I will figure out in time and fix it. I will not allow it to keep me from her. The most pressing concern? Figuring out why she thinks I will hate her. Once I understand that, I can show her how wrong she is.

For now, I simply go back to the townhouse and climb into the bed I hoped Izzy would sleep in tonight. Unfortunately, I'm alone.

I wake up early the next morning, put on black dress pants, a white oxford cloth button down, and a black sports coat. I want get to school early because I haven't had a chance to set up my office, or the art room.

School doesn't start until seven forty-five so I get there around six. I go to the art room first, because it's more important to have that space ready for the students. I immediately take off my jacket, drape it on the back of the chair behind the teacher's desk and take a good look at my surroundings. The art room is bare except for a few painted ceiling tiles and a poorly painted wall mural depicting an Indian. I guess that is supposed to demonstrate school spirit, but I immediately start to think of some project to cover it up.

Next, I rummage through the closets to get an idea of what kinds of supplies are available. I planned on getting to know everyone the first day by asking them to make something that reminds them of this past summer. I don't care what medium they use, I'm just looking for them to be creative. The activity will help me see where their strengths lie.

I still have myself buried shoulder deep in a cabinet when I'm startled by a loud greeting. "Edward!" Marcus calls. I turn around quickly to see him walking toward me.

"Good morning," I return.

"Ready for the first day of school?" he chuckles as gives me a friendly pat on the back.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"Good. Why don't I show you to your office?" he asks. "If you have everything set up here, that is," he adds, waving his hand to indicate the classroom. I nod, and follow him out. He leads me through the hallways into a small room with big windows that look out into the hallway. Behind a desk decorated with quirky knick knacks and pictures of cats, sits an older woman with hair so red it can only come from a bottle.

Marcus stops in front of the desk and addresses the woman. "Mrs. Cope, this is Edward Cullen, the new Vice Principal. Edward, this is your secretary, Mrs. Cope." Mrs. Cope stands while I lean forward to shake her hand and offer a pleasant greeting. She is a round older lady with red cheeks, bright lipstick, and short fire red hair that must be held together by an entire bottle of hair spray but she seems pleasant enough when she says she is excited to work with me.

After the brief introduction Marcus excuses us and leads me into another room that is filled with a big desk. There are two chairs placed in front of it. There are two windows, one window overlooks the football field. The other looks out to the hallway.

I take a seat at my desk and Marcus sits in one of the chairs in front of me, filling me in on procedural things like showing me how the computer system works. He also explains that I have two art classes to teach, held during third and ninth periods. One is a basic art class and the enrollment will change each semester. I have free reign on the course topics. The other class is an advanced art class reserved as an elective for seniors and will last the entire school year. The syllabus for that class includes some lecture on art history but also requires a project to be completed each week.

As we speak, I notice the hall outside begins to fill with students. I feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment, as I realize I have so much to learn. Marcus mailed me the student handbook, so I did have a chance to read through it and learn about the rules, but there is still so much I need to figure out, most of which can only be learned on the job.

Sooner than I expected, it is time to start the day. Marcus announces the new arrival of Vice Principal Cullen over the loudspeaker during morning announcements. I'm so busy, trying to get everything in order I almost miss it.

I'm attempting to organize all the paperwork on my desk when the phone rings. I struggle to find which button to push to answer. Once I figure it out Mrs. Cope's voice asks, "Ms. Remy, the guidance counselor would like to come in and welcome you. Is it okay?"

I had completely forgotten about the fact that Olivia worked here, too. "Yes, that's fine," I reply. When Olivia walks in, I have to stop all the summer memories she triggers from running through my head. I hadn't really thought about the fact that we would be working together until this very moment.

"Hello, Liv," I greet with a small hug.

"Why didn't you tell me you were interviewing here?" she asks with a smile.

"Pride," I chuckle. "I honestly didn't think I had a shot at the position."

"Well, welcome aboard! If you need anything, just ask. My office is right around the corner." She jots her extension on a post-it, and shows me how to use the phone system. After a bit of trial and error she smiles at me and tells me I'm a quick learner.

"How's Izzy?" she asks.

"Ah...she...you know, I don't want to discuss her right now." I decide it's not really professional to talk about Izzy at work, even with Liv.

"I understand. Listen, I am swamped today. I get all these seniors who think they are entitled to change their schedule and a bunch of terrified freshman," she laughs, backing out of my office. "I was serious though. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything," she reiterates before leaving.

"Great. Thanks so much, Liv."

Olivia leaves and I spend some time getting caught up on paperwork. I even get to deal with a few disciplinary problems, mostly kids misbehaving and pushing teachers limits. The fact that they are in here on the first day of school doesn't bode well for the rest of the year.

"Do I really need to give you detention on the first day of school?" I ask the girl sitting in front of me. She is a junior who was caught smoking in the bathroom. She is very tan, wears way too much make-up for a girl her age, her short skirt breaks dress code policy, and she hasn't made eye contact with me this whole time. The last question finally causes her to stop picking at her long fake nails only to glare up at me disrespectfully.

"Do what you gotta do," she says.

"Fine," I sigh. "Are your parents at home?"

"What does that matter?" she asks sarcastically.

"One, you can't smoke in school. Two, your skirt is too short. Three, your attitude is...well, rotten. I believe what I 'gotta' do is suspend you.'"

"You can't do that!" she exclaims as she jumps up from the chair. She's trying to project anger but there's definitely fear in her voice as well. "Please, don't. My mom will flip out."

I take a deep breath and respond calmly. "It's a good thing I'm a firm believer in giving second chances." I warn her not to smoke on school grounds again, to wear something more appropriate tomorrow, and to adjust her attitude because I will not be as gracious if there is a next time.

She thanks me and I write a pass to her next class. Unfortunately, this means I'm also late for class. I hurry from my office and take the steps two at a time up the stairs to the art room. I arrive quickly and push the door open to find the room loud and chaotic. Students are all over, not waiting quietly in their seats for me. Of course, if I had entered the room to a sight like that I probably would have passed out in disbelief.

I'm unbuttoning my cuffs and rolling up my sleeves as I enter the room, fully prepared to get dirty. I walk around to the front of my desk and lean back on the edge, clear my throat, and ask everyone to settle down and find a seat. "I'm Mr. Cullen," I say without looking at the classroom, scanning the top of my desk for the attendance sheet. Once I find the roll I start calling out names, looking up when I hear a student answer.

Right after Kelsey Barrow says 'here' I get the shock of my life. I glance in the direction the voice came from only to see that Izzy, my Izzy, is sitting in my classroom. Our eyes meet for a moment before she drops her gaze to the top of her desk. During that brief time I could see that her brown eyes were full of nothing but fear. My heart beats so hard I can feel it. I can hear my pulse in my ears. Once I regain my composure I continue calling names from the list, wiping sweat from my brow. Is her name on this list? I don't know if I can say it if it is. I don't even know what this means.

Then I see it. "Iz-Isabella Swan?" I question, staring a whole in the paper and possibly hoping the print will change if I stare long enough.

"Here," she answers quietly. I try to set my face before I look up. I glance up and it's definitely her brown eyes that meet mine again. I look away just as quickly and call the next name.

I finish the list and take a deep breath before I go through the classroom rules. There aren't many; mainly be respectful and do the work. I ask if there are any questions before giving the instructions for today's project, which is to create something simple that represents their favorite memories of this past summer.

Once I'm done speaking I walk around to the back of my desk and sit down. I'm afraid to move. Afraid to even look up and see her. My mind is racing. She is right...this changes things.

This changes everything.

My addled mind finally starts to put the pieces together. I quickly realize she isn't twenty-one. Chances are she isn't even eighteen. Not that it would matter. I am an authority figure and I could be in a lot of shit. I could end up in jail, labeled a sex offender for the rest of my life. That would be the end of my career.

I sit in quiet contemplation for the rest of class and before I realized how much time has passed, the bell rings, breaking me out of my confusion. I direct the students to put their work on my desk as they leave. Then, without looking up from the pieces of art work that are landing on my desk, I call out, "Ms. Swan, I need to speak with you. Will you please wait?"

I can feel her approach and stop an appropriate distance from me. I wait a second before I look up at her face, then let my eyes travel down her body. Her jeans are loose and torn. Her shirt is short, exposing her toned stomach where brightly colored cherry blossoms cover her skin. I can't look long. I struggle to bring my eyes back to hers. Without saying a word, I rise and I walk over to shut the door to the classroom.

Once we are as alone as we can be in a building full of people I turn back toward her and raise both hands to run through my hair. "What the...what is this?" I choke out.

"Me," she whispers, wrapping her arms around her stomach like she doesn't want me to see the tattoo. "I'm Bella Swan. I'm seventeen years old for one more week. I'm a high school senior with a fake ID that…" she trails off, then takes a deep breath before completing her thought. "That got in over her head this summer and fell in love with an incredible man."

With this, she puts down her paper and there is the chronicling of our summer together. The boardwalk. The ocean. Cherry Blossoms. The green shell. My eyes. A single rose made of words. Fireworks.

"This could ruin me, Izzy."

"Don't you think I know that? Why do you think I walked away?"

"What about Riley, your friends. They know me, Izzy. They know about us."

She shakes her head minutely. "They won't say anything."

"Am I supposed to believe that?" I ask through clenched teeth. "I'm going to live with the fear that at any time I could lose everything I worked for, all because you lied to me!"

"Why are you even here, Edward?" she yells, throwing her hand out in exasperation.

"I'm here for you!" I yell angrily, pointing straight at her. I take a few steps away and try to regain composure. We really can't have this discussion here.

"It would have been nice for you to fill me in, you know. You could have told me you were looking into a job at the high school," She whispers, full of anger.

"I didn't want to get your hopes up. I didn't want to disappoint you if things didn't work out," I say, sinking into one of the student chairs, propping my elbows on the desk, and burying my head in my hands. "As if you have any right to question my honesty," I throw at her hatefully.

I look up as I hear her walk toward me. She is biting her lip as she sits down. She reaches over and gently rests her hand on top of mine where it lays on the desk. Our eyes lock and she timidly whispers, "I love you. That is the truth. Please don't hate me for loving you." As she speaks she leans forward until her lips finally meet mine. For a second I forget where we are and who we are. This just feels so right.

Then reality hits me like a ton of bricks. I push her away and stand to put some much needed space between us. "I'm going to be eighteen in less than a week, Edward," she tries to reason.

Her words almost send me into a rage. "You think that changes anything? You lied to me...for months…about who you are. Do you understand that I could go to jail? I could lose everything, all because you kept the truth from me."

"Do you understand that I didn't think it would be like this? I...I thought we would have fun and then you would leave at the end of the summer," she stutters. "I didn't think I'd fall in love with you. Then I just couldn't tell you. I was so scared. I was wrong, definitely selfish, but I thought I did the right thing letting you go. Please, Edward. I'm still Izzy," she says as she places her hand flat on her chest.

I steel myself against her anxious expression. "Mr. Cullen," I correct.

"What?" she asks in confusion.

"I said, Mr. Cullen. I'm your teacher and your vice principal. You no longer have the right to refer to me as Edward."

Her entire body deflates at my words. "I need to get to my next class, Mr. Cullen." We go back to my desk where I begin to write her a note, using the name Izzy. "No one else calls me by that name." she says.

I stop and look at her as I remain hunched over my desk. "Bella?" I ask. She nods. I toss the first note in the trash and write a new one using the name Bella.

"Um, so...I'll be back last period for advanced art..."

I nod and hold the note out toward her without really looking at her face. She sighs, grabs her school bag and adjusts it on her shoulder before walking out of the door.

I pick up the sheet of paper covered in our memories. I stare at the rose in confusion. I never gave her one so I'm not sure why she included it in the collage. I focus more closely at the words that make up the rose. 'What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet' is written over and over again. I toss the thing back onto the desktop. I don't know what to do with all this new information.

The day passes by too quickly and before I know it the time has come to face her again. I have spent the entire day trying to strengthen my resolve so I can walk into that advanced art class as a professional. I can do this, I tell myself for the millionth time. She's just a seventeen year old girl. A student.

I turn the corner on the way to the classroom and literally into someone. It's not just anyone though.

"Watch where the fuck you're going, man!" Riley curses with absolutely no regard to the person he is addressing. I understand he doesn't realize he is talking to the vice principal, but his attitude still ticks me off.

I give him a disapproving look. "I believe the words you're looking for are 'Excuse me, Mr. Cullen.'"

He's got a guy on standing on each side of him. They both laugh. Riley doesn't.

"James, Ben... I'll catch up with you later," he says, watching me with a cautious eye. Izzy…no, that's not right. Isabella walks past the both of us at that moment, talking to her friend Jessica. Her eyes widen when she sees Riley and me standing toe to toe. She excuses herself from Jessica and walks over to us.

"Hey Riley," she says as she places her hand on his forearm. "Let's head to class. We don't want to make Mr. Cullen late." She puts extra emphasis on my new title. She tugs at Riley's arm and he reluctantly turns to walk to the art room with her. I watch as he asks her something and then glances back over his shoulder at me after she responds.

Fuck! I can't do this.

I continue to stand in the same spot, trying to get my act together. Students pass by and the bell finally rings. I warn a few freshman stragglers to slow down. They are frantic, obviously afraid of being late and getting lost. My feelings match theirs. We just aren't feeling that way for the same reason.

After one more deep cleansing breath, I walk into class and immediately feel her presence in the room. I look up and spot her sitting in the back next to Riley. He has his arms crossed over his chest and he's glaring at me. I run through the basics and spell out the classroom rules. I hear Riley huff as I'm addressing the class. I read through the list of students to find his name.

_Biers, Riley._

"Is there a problem, Mr. Biers?" giving him a warning look.

"You tell me, 'Mr. Cullen'. Seems to be a whole shitload of problems from where I'm sitting." Isabella elbows him and tells him to shut up.

"No, Bella," he answers.

"Fuck off and stop trying to be the knight in shining armor," she whispers furiously. That causes the rest of the class to laugh. I'd feel sorry for the guy if I didn't think he was about to ruin everything.

I quickly remind myself that I'm the teacher and I need to take control of the situation. "Both of you see me after class."

"No can do. I have football practice," Riley challenges.

"Shut the fuck up, Riley!" Isabella whispers.

The other students are looking back and forth between the pair of them and me. I can't let this deteriorate any further. "Enough!"

Isabella gets up, pushes her chair in and moves across the room, away from Riley. Once she sits down she stares at the wall straight ahead of her.

With the crisis averted, I run through the rest of the class information and how the grading system works. I outline the major projects I have planned and then introduce the idea of the circle journal.

"Each of you will get your own journal," I explain. "As art is a way to express one's feelings, I want you to use these journals whenever you feel the need to express something. Do not blow this off because the journal is worth twenty five percent of your grade. You should pick a central theme or subject that will be the main focus of the journal."

I give some examples while I hang a sign-up sheet at the front of the class. "Make sure you have signed up to let me know your choice by the end of the week. I if you already know what you want to focus on, feel free to sign-up now," I point to the paper on the wall as I finish.

I hand out the journals and give the kids the remaining class time to begin decorating the cover.

**BPOV**

The bell rings and all I can think is 'thank God this day is finally over.' I stand and walk to the sign-up sheet as everyone else files out of the classroom. I want to write down that my subject will be 'Edward', but I think that might be pushing my luck. I decide on love and loss, since I like classic literature so much, and because it's really just another way to say 'Edward' right now.

When I heard the announcements this morning welcoming Mr. Cullen, the new vice principal, I knew I was screwed. I decided if I could just get through the day without seeing him then I would definitely call and tell him the truth tonight. Imagine my surprise when he walked into the art room. My schedule had only listed TBA instead of his name.

I notice Riley has walked up beside me as Edward shuts the door behind the last student and turns to face both of us. "I'm aware the circumstances of this past summer might color the current situation, but the truth of the matter is, you are high school students and I am your vice principal. The summer is over. I will not tolerate cursing or any other disrespectful behavior in my classroom, Riley."

"Riley isn't going to cause any more problems, are you Riley?" I knock Riley's elbow with mine, hoping he will just let things go.

"This is so fucked up," is his brilliant response.

I step in front of him to make sure I have his full attention before I speak. "Because of me," I point out, tapping my index finger against my chest to make my point. "I did this. Not Ed-…Mr. Cullen. Me and my lies." I lower my voice, trying to keep this next part between Riley and myself. "This is not some game. I will never forgive myself if he gets in trouble because of me. Please, Ri."

Riley looks at me and shakes his head slightly before he turns his attention toward our new teacher. "Sure thing, Mr. Cullen." Riley steps past me and heads for the door. At the last minute he stops right in front of Edward "I want to make one thing perfectly clear though. I'm doing this for Bella, not you." Edward simply nods.

"Can I go now?" Riley asks.

"Yes, you're both dismissed."

Riley turns back towards me and offers his hand. I shake my head no. "If it's okay, I needed to talk to Mr. Cullen for just a minute."

"Call me later, okay," Riley says before he leaves the room.

Edward looks reluctant to be alone with me. "It's about school," I assure him.

"Fine," he sighs as he walks over and sits behind his desk.

I pull up a chair and place my new journal on his desk. "So, I'm the president of the art club or whatever...I assume you are the advisor."

"Yeah." He draws out the word so it almost sounds like there's more than one syllable and rubs his face with one of his hands. I can tell the stress of this day has really worn him down.

"I can step down so..."

"No," he interrupts. "I won't have you giving up activities that are important to you because of this ridiculous mess."

I nod and look down at the floor to hide the emotions that must show in my eyes. His words could not have hurt me more if he had actually tried. He just referred the best time of my life as a ridiculous mess.

He picks up my journal and looks at the work I started. All I have so far is a bright sun and a literary quote.

"_And if every new beginning is just another's end...Tell me love, why should I begin again,_" he reads aloud. His eyes meet mine and the feeling is so intense that I have to look away.

This is too much for me. I'd give anything to have the summer back right now. To have him belong to me again. I can't believe how messed up this is. If anyone finds out about us then Edward's career will be over, all because I was a selfish little girl. I don't deserve anything he's given me.

I feel tears spring to my eyes and I'm shocked when one falls on his arm. I didn't realize we had moved close as we talked. He looks and the teardrop and then back up at me.

"I...Bella?" His voice is filled with raw emotion.

"Don't." I grab the journal out of his hands and run from the room. I don't look back as I run straight to the parking lot. I pass Riley on the way but ignore him as he calls my name.

I reach my car and fumble to get the key in the door, then in the ignition, before Riley can catch me. I don't want to talk to him right now. He was rotten to Edward because Riley doesn't want to believe this is my fault. He wants to blame someone, anyone else but me. Regardless of what he wants to believe, I'm not perfect.

As I drive off I can hear my phone vibrating. I ignore it and keep driving. I drive past the hotel, past the boardwalk. I drive until my gas tank is almost empty and then pull into a gas station to fill up. While I'm there I look at my phone. It's almost five and there are four missed calls; two from Riley and two from Renee.

I call Renee back first. She only freaks out a little when I tell her I'm in Bridgeton. "Baby, whatever's going on, you know you can talk to me, right?"

"It's nothing," I lie, trying to give her some piece of mind. "I'm just a bit antsy today. I'll be home soon. Love you, Mom."

Hoping to avoid Riley just a bit longer, I send a short text.

_I'm okay. TTYL_

I know it'll piss him off, and sure enough he calls. I put him on speakerphone so I can use both hands to drive.

"What the hell happened?" he questions. "After you ran off, I found Mr. Cullen running down the hall, slamming every door he could find. I think he scared the shit out of Mrs. Cope."

"I had to get out of there. He read my journal and it was just too much. I'm so glad you're in that class with me. I really need you there." There's a moment of silence and I know what he's going to say before the words ever leave his mouth.

"Bell, I dropped the class right after school. I'm sorry." I bite me lip to keep from groaning at his words. I don't want to make him feel guilty.

"Where are you?" he asks.

"I ended up in Bridgeton...but I'm on my way home now."

"I don't even want to know why you went there. I'm heading to the hotel so I'll wait for you there."

I don't want him to come over. "I really just want to be alone tonight." If he comes over he'll want to talk about Edward and I can't take that. I hate talking to Riley about Edward because he doesn't like him. I know he's actually jealous.

"Fine," Riley mumbles. "I'm picking you tomorrow though. No whining or I'll get Renee all up in it," he says in his no bullshit tone. I hate that tone.

"Fine." I'm too tired to argue with him anyway. "Gotta go. I'm almost home."

"Still coming over tonight," he throws out right before he hangs up. I sigh and turn all my attention back to the road.

I'm still fifteen minutes from home when Jess calls. "Hey," I grumble.

She starts right in as only Jessica can. "Are you okay? I saw Edward…I mean, Mr. Cullen. The vice principal, Bella? Only you could get that lucky. Why didn't you tell me?" When I don't answer immediately her next question is, "What's wrong?"

"It's so over, Jess. This day has been completely sucky." I try to answer her without really answering her. I can probably get away with this tactic on her.

"I bet. I can't believe you're in both of his classes. It's got to be fa.."

I stop her before she gets too far. "Drop it, Jess. Don't even finish that sentence."

We talk for a while and I tell her about everything that happened. I also tell her about how Riley's trying to make me feel better, but ultimately making me feel worse. I know he cares, and the fact that I want to blow him off makes me feel like such a bitch.

I end the call as I pull into the hotel parking lot. I know Renee's worried about me but I decide to sit in my car for a while. I close my eyes, and lean my head back against the headrest. I have no idea how long I sit there before there's a knock on my window. It startles me and I open my eyes, expecting Riley. I can tell the person standing there isn't Riley but this person has their face half hidden with a hoodie. For a second I'm really scared. Then I see his eyes and realize it's Edward.

"What are you doing here?" I moan as I get out of my car. I want to hug him, kiss him, but my chance is over. I'm lucky I had as much time with him as I did. _When life offers you a dream_ beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

"I just… I had had to see…" He doesn't finish the sentence, looking for the right word, but he means he had to see the truth. For the first time in months, I look him square in the eyes, hoping he can read me like a book.

"Can we talk?" His voice is unsure. This man standing in front of me isn't my Edward anymore. This man is not comfortable talking to me or being around me, and he shouldn't be for that matter. None of this changes the fact that I miss him dearly.

I just nod in response. I don't want to risk taking him into my room, for obvious reasons.

A car honks its horn nearby. I look over at the green Camaro, and see Riley scowling from the driver's seat. I ignore him.

"We can go sit by the pool," I suggest with a wave of my hand in the general direction of the pool. Riley hits the horn three more times. I can only imagine what he wants.

Edward nods and follows me toward the water. I'm aware that this isn't the first time he's been here, just the first time he's been here with me.

I sit on the edge of the pool and Edward takes a seat next to me awkwardly. If we were doing this during the summer everything would be so easy. He'd kiss me, hold my hand, pull me onto his lap. I've never felt so guilty or confused in my whole life. All I really want right now is to be close to him.

Edward doesn't speak right away, but he asked to talk, so I'm determined to let him speak first. It takes him a while but he eventually speaks. "I feel like this is a nightmare and I'm desperate to wake up," he says so softly I barely hear him.

"I'm so sorry." What else can I possibly say? I turn to look at him but he's staring at the water.

"I just... I never meant for this to happen, and it happened so fast. One lie led to another and before I knew it there was no way out. I should have been honest from the beginning. I hate that I did this to you." I pull my knees up as I finish, and wrap my arms around them. "I wanted to tell you. I've been so close to telling you a dozen times. I know it doesn't change anything and I understand why you hate me."

His head snaps up, panic evident in his intense eyes. "I'm hurt, angry, and confused but I could never hate you. I can't believe how easily I fell for you." He pauses to rub he face with his hands. "I should just go back to Chicago," he finally says.

I'm the one who panics this time. "No! Please don't go," I beg. The thought of never seeing him again is so much more painful than the reality of having him here, but not being able to be with him the way I want to.

"Your friends?" he asks.

"Won't say anything, I promise. You can't leave. This job is such a big thing. It's perfect for you, Edward. I'd hate myself even more if I knew you gave it up because of me."

"Is there anything else I need to know?" His voice is so tentative.

I shake my head. "Even though there were a shit ton of lies, there was one thing that was the absolute truth. I love you and I always will." I can't look at him, but this needs to be said. "My feelings for you were never a lie."

He's quiet for a while. The pool pumps start and shut down and I realize the sky is now dark. I wish he would say something. I jump when his pinky brushes mine, barely.

"I know," he says breathily.

I want him to say he loves me too, but this is all I will get. A month ago I would have been able to look into his eyes and just known that he loved me. I would see it in the way he looked at me, touched me, kissed me. I know that's not possible now. The fact that I'm just some kid must creep him out.

"So the friend who's sister was dating an older guy?" he asks, looking over at me for confirmation. I nod.

"The guilt was too much even then. I wanted to tell you, I just couldn't."

"And your brother? It's Emmett, isn't it? Rose is his wife." I can see that all the pieces are falling into place for him.

"Yeah."

"Does he know?" I see complete fear in his eyes at this possibility.

"He knows there was someone, but he doesn't know it's you."

"If he finds out...he'll kick my ass."

I smile in reassurance. "Rose wouldn't let that happen. If I felt guilty before, Rose made it so much worse after you guys met. She likes you."

This time he smiles, genuinely. "Really? I thought she hated me."

Before I can say anything, I hear a door close. I glance over my shoulder to see Renee. She walks over to us, and sets her hands on my shoulders.

"Bella? It's getting late, sweetie." She may be talking to me but she's staring at Edward. Whether purposefully or not, Renee is usually pretty oblivious to things, but lately she's been catching on. I wouldn't be surprised if she's beginning to figure Edward and me out.

"Okay, mom," I respond, nervously. She smiles at Edward, says a quick goodnight, and with a quick glance at the both of us she walks back inside and closes the door.

I turn back to Edward. "You look a lot like her. I wish I could have met her, under different circumstances"

I sigh and put my forehead against my knees. "I don't know if I can do it."

"Do what?" Edward asks in confusion.

"Pretend like it didn't happen. Pretend that I don't love you. This is going to be the hardest year of my life," I mutter against my knees.

Edward chuckles darkly. "I wish I could have met you even one year later. We could be together now. Life wouldn't be so hard and I wouldn't feel guilty about being so in love with you."

I turn my head sideways to look at him again. "This is weird. Knowing something is so right, but having to feel guilty about it." I carefully place my hand on top of his where it sits on the pool deck. "I'll always belong to you, Edward."

He gives me a small smile and turns his hand over to clasp mine.

"So this is it?"

"I wish it weren't, but…." he trails off, his voice low and strangled. "I better go..." he finishes abruptly.

"Okay," is all I can manage.

He stands up, offering me a hand to help me up. I walk him to his car, knowing this isn't truly goodbye because I'll see him again tomorrow.

It's the end though. We aren't Izzy and Edward anymore. Now we're Isabella and Mr. Cullen. Student and teacher.

The finality hits me like a ton of bricks and I barely draw a full breath. I don't want to cry in front of him, but it happens anyway. This time when he looks at me, I see the pain and pity. I feel like such a little girl.

"I'm sorry," he says. All I can do is nod at him. He raises his hand to my face and gently brushes a tear from my cheek. He leans into my ear and softly whispers, "I love you. Always."

His tender words only make me cry harder. I know he is staying because I'm such a mess. "Go," I manage to squeak out. "Don't worry about me."

He sighs heavily through his nose, and shakes his head at me. "Not possible," he says as he unlocks his car. Edward climbs in and shuts the door. The sound makes me jump as if it were a gunshot ringing through the night. He glances at me once more and starts the car.

"I love you," I say again, but I don't know if he hears me.

For once, I'm the one watching him drive away. Long after his headlights are gone, I'm still standing in the same place.

I'm not sure how long I stood there before I noticed the person beside me. I immediately recognize the energy and know he has come to comfort me.

"Come on, Bell. Let's get you inside," Riley coaxes. When I don't move, he wraps one arm around my waist and uses the other to sweep my legs out from underneath me. I close my eyes and relax against him as he carries me to the apartment.

I hear mumbling, so I know he's talking to Renee, but I have no idea what is being said. I'm worn out, both emotionally and physically.

The mumbling stops and I hear my door close before Riley places me on my bed. He takes of my shoes, and because he knows how much I hate sleeping in socks, he takes those off, too.

"Hey, I'm not leaving, but I'm going to give you a minute to get ready for bed." He walks out to give me some privacy and I pull off my Capri pants and my shirt. It's not like Riley hasn't seen me naked, but I appreciate the gesture. I go to my dresser to get his t-shirt and shorts when I look and see the green shell and the picture of Edward, mocking me.

I burrow into the blanket, bury my head underneath the pillows and let the sobs take over my body. I feel Riley lay down with me, on top of the covers; he hugs me to him.

"You're my best friend, Bell and I hate that you're going through this," he whispers. "I'm here for you, okay?" I feel him kiss my forehead just before I fall asleep.

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	12. Chapter 12

**SM owns. Amy and I just play. **

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**Chapter 12: Sixteen Candles**

_"For a moment the last sunshine fell with romantic affection upon her glowing face; her voice compelled me forward breathlessly as I listened - then the glow faded, each light deserting her with lingering regret, like children leaving a pleasant street at dusk."  
— F. Scott Fitzgerald (The Great Gatsby) _

The days since _The Big Reveal,_ as I like to call it, have been awful. Edward and I try to avoid each other at school. Of course, that's pretty hard considering the class he teaches is my favorite class and the one I usually participate in the most. Working in my art class journal has been therapeutic though. I find myself adding to it all the time. I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time.

Today is just like any of those other days, until I hear Edward call to me as I'm getting ready to leave class "Iz?" he says softly as I gather my books. It feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest, dropped to the floor, and stomped on every time he uses that name. I swallow back the knot in my stomach, push some of my hair behind my ear and try my hardest to look him in the eyes.

"I uh...I know you hold back in here. I don't want you to do that." I can tell he is uncomfortable talking to me because he just ran his hand through his hair like he always does when he's upset.

"If I have to call you, Mr. Cullen, can you please call me Bella?" I ask as I avoid his penetrating gaze. "It sorta... hurts whenever I hear you call me Iz or Izzy."

"I'm sorry, Bella." His words were simple but my name sounds completely foreign coming from him. He has only ever said it a handful of times and I don't even think it registered to him.

"It's okay," I mumble. "Did you need something?" I ask, trying to get him back on track. After all, there must be a reason he has me standing here instead of letting me head to my locker so I can pack my shit and get home.

Edward clears his throat. "Right. The drama department is doing _Our Town_ for the winter play. So...they need props and all..."

"Okay. I can try to sketch something out if you want..."

"Do you know the play?" he asks, as he picks up a script and hands it to me.

I take it hesitantly and quote, "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? Yeah, I know the play."

"Of course you do," Edward sighs, obviously not surprised.

"Minimal props, minimal settings...pretty easy. I have plans tonight but I can start next week." I can see the news of plans shocks him. Maybe he thinks it's a date. It looks like he wants to ask me more, but he can't.

Him teacher. Me student.

I can't stand the look on his face so I offer the answers to the questions he clearly wants to ask. "My mom always takes me out to dinner for my birthday."

He instantly looks relieved, but not happy. "I..." he starts, only to censor whatever he started to say. He finally decides on, "Happy Birthday, Bella."

I give a small nod and say, "Thanks."

"I guess we can talk more about the play tomorrow?"

"Sure," I agree with a smile. I feel my face heat up because it feels like I just agreed to a date. Then he tells me goodbye and calls me Bella, and I remember how far away I am from ever being on a date with him again.

"See you, Mr. Cullen," I respond. It's barely audible though. I don't trust my voice not to crack

As I leave the room I feel a wave of nausea hit me. I run to the closest bathroom and lose my lunch. Once I'm sure it's safe, I walk to the sinks to rinse my mouth out and take a good look at myself in the mirror.

What I see definitely bothers me. I've lost some weight which is really noticeable when I lift my shirt to see how prominent my ribs are. I don't feel like eating or talking, and when I want to sleep, I can't shut off my mind long enough to get any actual rest. All this emotional stress isn't healthy and now it's starting to show on the outside.

Kelsey walks out of the stall and I quickly let go of my shirt to cover my stomach back up. "Are you okay?" she asks, turning on the water to wash her hands.

I make eye contact with her reflection in the mirror and manage to smile and nod.

When I get to my locker Riley is waiting. He has on his football practice jersey and is smiling like an idiot. It probably has something to do with the balloons he's holding and streamers that are all over my locker.

I smile back, take the balloons, and tell him thanks. He reaches around me to spin the dial and open my locker like he has done a million times before. "I told you not to make a big deal," I remind him. He knows I don't like the attention.

"I didn't. I could have done this in the morning, but I waited," he teases. I shove my books into my locker; the only book I take home is my art journal.

"Thanks for that," I respond with a roll of my eyes. I shut my locker door and fish my car keys out of my messenger bag. "Call me later?" I ask as I look back up at him.

Riley winks and calls out, "Have fun with Renee tonight!" as he backs away.

"Always!" I say sarcastically as I turn to walk away. That's when I notice Edward standing by the back door with Ms Remy, taking in our whole conversation. I quickly look down at the floor.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Ms. Remy says as I approach. I guess the balloons are a dead giveaway. I thank her and I try not to notice how pretty she looks in her stupid leopard print pencil skirt and her attempt to tone it done with a black sweater tied loosely around her waist. I also try not to notice how close she stands to Edward or how she reaches out and touches his arm.

"Bella's boyfriend is the star quarterback. Have you met Riley yet?" she asks Edward.

Edward clears his throat before answering, looking directly at her. "I have. He seems like a very nice young man."

"Oh, that's right. He dropped your art class," Ms. Remy notes, placing her hand on Edward's arm. She returns her attention to me and asks, "How is everything coming along for college, Bella?"

"Good," I reply shortly, looking down again.

"Just come by when you can; I'll help you get all of it together."

I nod and thank her again, then motion toward the parking lot. "I have to go now...birthday dinner," I blurt before I start to walk away.

Ms. Remy tells me to have fun but Edward remains quiet. He won't even look at me anymore. Not just look at me, like really look at me in that way that spoke to me. That's all I really want for my birthday is for him to see me again.

When I get home my mom is in her room with an open suitcase on her bed. "What's going on?" I ask.

"Oh, Phil is taking me to New York for the rest of the week for our anniversary," Mom says with a dreamy smile.

"Oh. So, no dinner tonight..." I trail off.

The smile drops from her face as she freezes in the middle of the room, holding a black dress she was about to pack. "Oh shit! Your birthday! I'm so sorry, baby!"

"Yeah...no...I...it's fine, Mom." I bite my lip and look down to pick at the hem of my shirt, trying hard not to feel hurt. "We can always do something when you get back." She comes over, wraps her hands around my upper arms, and kisses my cheek. Then it's right back to her packing.

"We'll definitely do something when I get back, I promise. I'll even bring you something from New York," she says as she scrambles around her room. I nod as I listen as she rambles on, suddenly acting like I can't take care of myself. "Now, I left money in the kitchen and if you need anything you just call me or Emmett. What am I saying?" she stops with a smile. "I don't need to worry at all. My little girl is eighteen."

At that moment, Phil honks the horn, snapping Mom out of her moment. She gives me one last hug with a wet kiss to my cheek and wishes me a happy birthday again as she runs out the door with her suitcase.

This night sucks, I think to myself as I wipe off mom's sloppy kiss and I meander into the kitchen. The money is right where she said it would be. I pick it up, shove it in my back pocket and try not to cry over my situation. I flip on the TV in the hope of distracting myself. I would like to forget all this sad shit in my life. As I flip through the channels I come across the movie Sixteen Candles. The trying not to cry is now a lost cause.

My mind is a jumbled mess and without any consideration of what I'm doing, I grab my car keys. When I open the door and am hit with a gust of wind filled with thick rain drops. I don't care that I have no jacket, or that in ten seconds flat I look like a drowned rat. The only true thought that stands out is that I can't do this. I can't stay away from him.

I'm not sure how I get here, but the rain and my tears cloud my vision as I stand banging on his door, shivering from the cold. Even in my miserable state I feel a wave of relief wash over me as Edward opens the door.

"Izzy?" he questions in shock before opening the door further and pulling me inside. "What the hell are you doing here?" He turns and leads me into the living room where he grabs a blanket off the back of the couch and wraps me in it.

"She forgot," I whimper through my quivering jaw. I look up into his eyes, searching for understanding but he still looks confused. "My mom...she forgot my birthday. She went to New York for the week with her boyfriend."

Edward pushes some wet hair off my face. "I'm sorry, Iz. I'm so sorry," he soothes. I step toward him and he wraps me in his embrace. There's no holding back now and I sob into his chest.

"My life sucks. This is all too much for me to handle..." I cry.

Edward gives me a few minutes to get myself under control before he asks, "Bella, why did you come here?" I can't answer him, I can only cry harder while he stands there and holds me.

After a few minutes he mumbles something about "sopping wet" and pulls me up the stairs to his room. He rummages around in his drawers and finally hands me some dry clothes. This may sound silly, but as I take them I suddenly feel strong enough to tell him why I came here.

I meet his eyes and whisper, "I wanted you to look at me again, really look at me, Edward. Even if it was only for a second...then for that second my life wouldn't be so miserable."

He closes his eyes at my words. I know he is trying hard to do the right thing, but just like me he lives in a house made of straw. With one puff...

While keeping my eyes on Edward I drop the blanket and slowly peel off my wet shirt. Edward's eyes grow wide and it looks like he is about to speak, to stop me. I was right though. One puff is all it takes.

In this moment, it's just us. Simply Edward and Izzy.

I unbutton my jeans, slide them off my legs, and stand before him in nothing but my drenched white bra and underwear. His hand trembles as he reaches out for me. His eyes are trained on my tattoo as his fingers trace down the cherry blossoms. Feeling brave, I reach back and unclasp my bra, letting it fall to the floor. "If only for tonight," I whisper, thinking of our song.

He slips his index finger into the waistband of my panties and pulls me toward him by the fabric. Before I have a chance to think his mouth is on mine. It's never felt so good. His soft tongue moves slowly and firmly against mine. My fingers find their way into his hair which is much shorter than it was over the summer. Without warning he pushes me back onto the bed then crawls up my body. As he hovers above me he looks at me. _Really_ looks at me.

I close my eyes and feel his touch on my face, down my neck, over my chest, my stomach. Everywhere.

His lips on mine. His tongue licking, flicking. His mouth sucking.

I'm very aware of his hardness pressing against my leg. There's suddenly too much desire and not enough will power to hold back anymore and he pushes inside me. His hand presses into my hip as he moves in and out. He is staring into my eyes, making love to me. He sees the real me, and that look still exists between us.

Overcome by the moment, he buries his head in my neck, breathing heavily.

"I miss you," I moan when he hits _that _spot_._

"I love you, Izzy. God, I love you."

"I need you. Please don't leave me. I need you, Edward." The words that tumble from my mouth are selfish words, and I know it's unfair to speak them out loud.

For the hour that we make love I believe that he is mine. That he wouldn't leave me. Truthfully, he wouldn't. Afterward, we lay in his bed staring at each other. Our legs are intertwined together and we are a heap of limbs and warm skin. I stroke his cheek as his hand rests on my hip, his thumb rubbing gentle circles.

Edward eventually breaks the silence. "I'll give it all up for you." His voice is soft but sure.

I smile but it's not happy. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not. It means nothing if I don't have you. All the success, all the prestigious jobs in the world can't replace you in my life." He pulls me closer, tracing my tattoo lovingly.

I stroke his face. "I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing you gave it all up for me. Let's just have tonight." I close my eyes as he pulls me closer and holds me tightly in his arms.

"There is an E in the branch by your heart," he whispers, skimming his hand along the side of my breast.

I nod. "I never want to forget you. You're already under my skin. Now you're on it, too," I say with a shrug.

He kisses me again, and if I thought we were done...I was so wrong. I will never regret being with him, but it is cruel. The vilest torture. To remind myself what I no longer have. If I continue to blow his house down, he would have no safe place to live. I cannot be the selfish little girl I have been so far. I can't take his life. Maybe one day would be the right day. It just isn't today.

Once Edward is fast asleep, I quietly move out of his bed and dress in the damp clothes I arrived in. I leave a note in the empty space and sneak away like the coward I am.

UtB

My ringing phone wakes me up from a deep sleep. I pick it up just as the screen flashes the words _missed call_. I look through the call history to see there are at least ten missed calls, all from Riley. Then I notice the time stamps. I've overslept and I'm two hours late for school.

"Fuck," I mumble, throwing the covers off my body and moving as quickly as I can toward the bathroom. I call Riley back as I finish brushing my teeth.

"BELLA!" He sounds so frantic.

I spit into the sink before responding. "Not so loud. I overslept and I'm not quite awake yet. What's up?"

"It's not good, Bella."

"What isn't good?" I ask, as I search for something comfortable to wear. I settle on a pair of old, broken in jeans that are a little loose and a plain black v-neck t-shirt.

"The whole school thinks I got you pregnant. Are you pregnant, Bella?" he whispers.

"Pregnant? No, I am not pregnant! Why are they saying that?" I ask in shock.

"Well, you have been sick a lot lately, you know…throwing up and stuff. You've also been kinda distant and sad since school started. Then, yesterday Kelsey said you threw up and she caught you like, staring at your stomach in the bathroom mirror." I don't think he takes one breath through that whole explanation.

I drop to my bed, prop one elbow on my knee, and rest my head in my hand. I can see how those things taken out of context would lead to this rumor. "God, I'm just stressed over Edward and everything and that has made me sick to my stomach lately. And I was looking at myself to see how skinny I was getting."

"Bells...I...are you sure though?" he asks hesitantly.

I don't answer right away. Am I sure?

"When did, ya know...when was the last time you got your period?" I can picture his face when he says the word period and for a moment I want to laugh.

"I don't know..." I answer honestly. I could be totally fucked. And Edward...he could be royally fucked. I could never let him know it was his. I push those thoughts aside, because denial ain't just a river in Egypt, and I try to convince myself that it's only stress.

I wrap up my conversation with Riley and decide to stop at the drug store before I get to school. I buy a stupid test to tell me what's going on. If the whole school figured it out before me I am a stupid girl that should be featured in one of those supermarket tabloids. I can see the headline. _Whole School Realizes Stupid Teen Has Ruined Her Life Before She Even Has A Clue._

I text Riley as I pull into the school parking lot, asking him to meet me by the bathrooms. I cannot do this alone. He's waiting for me as I walk to the door and we look around quickly to make sure no one's watching before I pull him into the girls' room and lock the door.

As quickly as possible, I read the direction, pee on the stick, set it on top of the toilet paper dispenser and leave the stall. I pace the bathroom floor as we wait the longest three minutes of my young life.

When the time is up I make Riley look.

"Fuck," he exclaims from the doorway into the stall. Guess I have my answer. He turns to look at me with a sympathetic expression. "Bella...I'm so sorry."

It can't be right. Those things are wrong all the time. I must say that aloud because Riley agrees with me. By the tone of his voice I don't think he really believes it though. I think he's just agreeing with me as a way to comfort me.

As I stand in the bathroom, terrified, the bell rings. I don't even have time to figure it all out.

**EPOV**

'_Think how you love me,' she whispered. 'I don't ask you to love me always like this, but I ask you to remember.'_

You'll always be like this to me.'  
_  
__'Oh no; but promise me you'll remember.' Her tears were falling. 'I'll be different, but somewhere lost inside me there'll always be the person I am tonight.'_

Her note is proof that last night really happened. Along with the fact that I'm lying in bed naked and there are clothes strewn all over the room,.

It was not a dream.

Her script is small, rushed. I can see a spot where her tears fell. I can picture her wiping at them angrily. I don't have the time or the energy to think about what the note means right now, so I stuff it in the drawer of my desk for the time being.

I go through my morning routine, dress, and head to the school. Liv smiles as I pass her in the hallway, and I try to smile back. I don't know if it's very convincing.

I look for Bella in the hallway between classes. Just a glimpse would soothe the worrisome feeling I have in my gut. Instead of Bella, I see students whispering, laughing everywhere I look. I see Riley, jaw and fists clenched in anger. He makes eye contact with me, shakes his head, and starts to walk in the opposite direction. Something is wrong this morning, but I don't know what.

I pass Liv again on the way back to my office. "Hey," She says warmly.

"What is going on?" I ask, waving my hands toward the mass of kids in the hallway.

"There's a rumor going around…about Isabella Swan." Liv lowers her voice at the end of her statement, like she's trying to keep a secret. "Poor girl isn't even here to defend herself."

My expression must worry her. She touches my arm and looks around at the crowded area. "The hallway isn't the best place to talk about it." She motions for me follow her into her office and I close the door behind us. Then I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the door, waiting for her to enlighten me.

"I heard that Isabella's, uh...pregnant."

Fuck. I try to keep a poker face, but this is so fucked. I feel a constricting pain in my chest and clench my fists trying to hid my automatic reaction to the news. Well, this explains the look from Riley.

"Apparently Riley Biers is the father. If she is pregnant, I guessing that part is true. Last year they were caught together numerous times…under the bleachers, in the guys' locker room…" she rambles.

"Olivia," I interrupt, lifting one hand to pinch the bridge of my nose. I can't stand hearing all that.

"Sorry," she apologizes.

I center my thoughts and tell her, "If you hear anything else, from anyone, please send them to my office." She nods in understanding.

I leave her office, closing the door a little harder than I should and walk back to the front office. That's when I see her. She's standing in front of Mrs. Cope. The other students and employees in the area are staring at her. News definitely travels fast in this place.

I listen in to her conversation and hear, "...overslept and my mom is out of town." She looks up at that moment and realizes I'm in the room. I can tell by the look on her face that there's something bothering her.

"No problem, dear." Mrs. Cope nods and writes her a note, all the while trying to steal a look at her stomach.

"Mrs. Cope, I need to have a word with Miss Swan. Please write her another note when I'm done." I step into my personal office and motion for Bella to follow. Bella looks up at me, surprised, but finally follows. Once she's in the room I close the door.

"So..." I start, not sure what I should say. I walk over to my desk and sit down trying to decide how to approach the subject.

I'm guessing 'Hey, thanks for the sex last night, oh and for ditching me' wouldn't go over well.

She puts her bag down and crosses her arms defensively, already on guard. "Just say it. Whatever it is," she prompts

"Is it true?" I blurt without further hesitation. She just raises her eyebrows and gives me a quizzical look, silently asking for more information. She's not going to make this easy on me. "Are you...are the rumors true? You're pregnant?"

She rolls her eyes.

"Is it really Riley's?" I add.

"You've got to be kidding me!" She yells before flinging the door open. She's pulled it so hard that it swings back and ricochets off the wall. I can see everyone staring into the office from where I sit. "I am not pregnant with Riley's baby, for the love of god! Tell Kelsey Barrows to mind her own fucking business. This place is so fucking stupid."

"Isabella, close the door," I say, standing up. She glares at me and slams it, then stomps over to sit in one of the chairs in front of my desk.

"You can't do that, Bella," I chastise, leaning against my desk. It's so hard to call her that. Using that name makes me feel like I'm pretending the summer never happened. That thought makes my stomach queasy.

"It isn't true," she answers though gritted teeth. I nod but she goes on, probably feeling the need to explain. "We're just friends. Everyone seems to think of us as the golden couple. We haven't...since before the summer." She whispers the last part. Her eyes are closed, her posture slumped. This is her way of telling me she never cheated.

I nod when she looks at me again.

"Yesterday when I was in the bathroom I was looking at my body because I noticed I've lost weight. I can't eat or sleep. There are things...I'm sorry," she says with a shake of her head. I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice how skinny she looked last night. Her posture suddenly straightens as she grabs her bag and stands up. "Are we done?" she asks

I nod and rise from my chair to let her out of the room. "I get it...but please, no more outbursts," I reiterate, reaching for the door. Flashes of last night run through my head as we stand close to each other. With every ounce of resolve I can muster I open the door and pull away from her. She gives me a small smile, walks away, and takes her note from Mrs. Cope.

UtB

My phone rings ten minutes before my advanced Art class. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited because I definitely look forward to that class...even though I know I shouldn't.

"Hey," Liv says, "Got a minute?"

"Sure, but I do have class in a few minutes."

"I won't keep you long. Apparently the rumors have died down after Bella's outburst in your office earlier. I also heard that Kelsey told her she was sorry."

"That's good," I reply.

"I just...I figured you'd want to know. Even though it's early in the school year I can see your passion for the students and for teaching. It's nice. Anyway, I figured you'd want to hear it." I can almost hear her smile through the phone line.

Her comment makes me feel good. That is exactly what I want people to see when they watch me work. "Thanks, Liv. That means a lot."

The line is quite for a minute. "Yeah. So…I'll let you go," she finally says. "Bye, Edward."

We hang up, and I head off to the art room.

We started on Impressionism this week. Bella sits quietly in the back of the class. I see in her eyes that she knows the answer to every question I ask but she is still hesitant to participate.

"Who were some artists who were known for impression?" I ask.

"Monet," Bella offers. I nod and smile, hoping it will encourage her to continue. "He was known for expressing perceptions through..." Her voice trails off as she closes her eyes.

"Bella?" I ask, concerned.

"I'm okay," she responds, opening her eyes before she continues. "He was known for expressing his perceptions through nature. He's definitely one of my favorite artists." She smiles as she speaks, and I know she's trying not hold back anymore.

"Camille Pissarro was also a great Impressionist," I add. "Your assignment for tonight is to pick one artist whose focus was Impressionism, then pick your favorite painting by that artist. For the rest of the week, you'll work on your own version of that painting."

The bell rings, signaling the end of the day. I try not to watch her but from the corner of my eye, I notice Bella clutch her stomach as she bends over to pick up her bag. It grabs my attention so I look directly at her. She glances at me graces me with a small smile.

I can't really ask her if she's okay again so I just say, "Good work today, Miss. Swan." She walks out of the room without a word, rushing toward Riley who waits for her outside my door every day.

I fight the fit of jealousy rising in my chest. She's that happy to see him, even after last night? I roll my eyes at both the feeling and the thought. I'm not allowed to care anymore. With that thought in mind walk back to my office to grab my bag and lock up.

I finish the end of day tasks and say goodnight to Mrs. Cope as I leave. As I walk down the hallway I spot a display case hanging on the wall, filled with pictures taken last school year. I scan the candid shots and see one of Bella with Riley in his football uniform. They each have one arm wrapped around the other and are looking at the other with smile and laughter. They really do look like The Golden Couple

The stark reality is that she is a teenager. I don't want her to miss out on life opportunities because of me. I don't want her to grow up too fast even though I'm so afraid that it may already too late. I shake my head and walk out of the school.

I may not like the guy, but I know Riley is a good friend to Izzy, even if he has ulterior motives...like sleeping with her.

UtB

I worry when Bella doesn't show up for school the next day. I need to let her go though, so I fight the urge to call and make sure she is okay. I realize something is definitely wrong the next day when I see Ms. Remy reach out to stop Riley in the hallway late in the afternoon. She asks him something, and he nods. I make my way toward them hoping to catch their conversation.

"...no new news, but they think she's okay. Her mom's out of town." He looks up, and for the first time I see worry in his eyes. When his eyes meet mine, he huffs and throws his hands up in frustration. He glares at me for a moment and then walks away.

"What's going on, Liv?"

"I was just coming to your office. Isabella Swan was rushed to the hospital this morning. She called her brother, you remember Emmett, right? Evidently she was complaining of really bad cramps, and heavy bleeding."

Even though I knew they were talking about my girl I wasn't expecting news like this. I imagine my face turns ghostly pale as all the blood drains from it, and I brace myself against the wall before I can fall over. "Izzy," I whisper as I run my hands through my hair.

Liv must make the connection as she looks absolutely horrified. "You have got to be kidding!" she whisper-yells, glancing around the hallway to see if anyone else heard. When she decides the coast is clear she pulls me into her office.

"Edward…" she starts

I raise my hand to stop her. "I know it looks bad but it's a long story. I thought she was twenty-one. I found out otherwise the first day of school. It's over, so please don't say anything."

She gives me a wary look and shakes her head.

"Liv, please..."

"I know what this could do to your career, okay? You're a good guy, Edward, so I'm going to trust that what you're telling me is the truth and that you didn't know how old she was. I may not like it and I may hate myself later...but your secret is safe with me."

I nod and run my hands through my hair, thankful that I have a good friend, too.

UtB

The rest of the day I force myself to go through the motions. I can't help but hear the rumors.

_She got an abortion…Riley's heartbroken because he didn't get a choice…She just decided._

In ninth period I can't even bring myself to teach so I have the class start on their paintings. I find myself constantly glancing at the door, hoping she'll walk in late and tell everyone they need to mind their own business again.

As soon as the bell rings, I'm out of there. I lock up my office and head straight home. I want to go to her, make sure she's okay regardless of what rumors that would start. Instead I pace around the house, trying to get rid of all this pent up anxiety.

I finally break down and call Dad. I haven't told anyone in my family the truth about Izzy yet, but I have to talk to someone before I explode.

When Dad answers his phone he greets me with a cheerful, "Edward."

I don't waste any time coming to the point. "Dad, I need to talk to you." I hear him whisper to someone in the background and then a door closes.

"What is it?" he asks, worry evident in his voice. I tell him everything about Izzy, about this past summer, about dealing with my new reality. I don't realize it until after I'm talking to my father that I'm also holding a small pink package and my car keys.

"She was rushed to the hospital. Our relationship is over, but there's no way I can stay here, completely in the dark. I need to know what's going on. I need to see her." I think I'm talking to myself more than talking to him at this point.

"Do you know her symptoms?" he asks in full doctor mode.

I tell him what I heard from Liv and preface that they are rumors right now.

"Edward..." he sighs. "It sounds like she's had a miscarriage."

My heart jumps into my throat. The thought did cross my mind, but only briefly. I think over my recent interactions with Bella and everything suddenly becomes clear.

"_I am not pregnant with **Riley's **baby."_

_Bella clutching her stomach in class._

"_We haven't...since before the summer."_

"Shit." I need to sit down so I drop into the closest chair. I can hear Dad's voice coming through the phone, but I have no clue what he's saying.

"Dad...I have to go." I hang up the phone before he can respond, or tell me not to.

The next thing I'm really aware of is pulling into the hospital parking lot. I continue to ignore the part of my brain that says this is a bad idea. We are no longer together. I have no right to be here.

I grab the small package as I exit the car. It's something I bought on a whim while I was in Chicago. I remember Izzy telling me that Sixteen Candles was her favorite movie. I didn't realize I still had it until I came across it while unpacking.

I keep my eyes focused on the ground as I walk. I don't want to risk running into anyone I know. As luck would have it, I literally do run right into someone as I turn a corner

"I'm so sorry," I apologize, finally looking up.

No, no, no.

I find myself staring right into Rose's icy blue eyes.

"You can't be here," she warns. "Em's coming and he will freak out. He can't take anymore right now.."

"How...how is she?" I finally spit out.

"She's sleeping right now. She has to stay overnight for observation. Now seriously, there have been major freak outs today. You have to…"

"Rosie? Who are you talking to?" Emmett's voice comes around the corner before he does. His face brightens when he sees me. "Eddie, man! How are ya?"

"I'm good..." I have trouble making eye contact with Emmett or even faking a smile for him.

I know for a fact that Emmett is a smart guy. Not only did Bella tell me but I know from the time I spent with him that he is intelligent. I also know the moment he realizes why I'm here.

Emmett's face loses that easy-going expression and his fists clench and he asks, "What are you doing here?"

There is no answer I can give him that will be alright so I look pleadingly over to Rose. She has her hand on Emmett's arm in what I'm guessing is supposed to be a calming gesture. "Em…" she whispers. He shakes his head and steps closer towards me.

"It was you?" he questions in disbelief. "You sat there and listened to me talk about the creep my sister was seeing. How he was my age and how the whole situation was tearing me apart. You fed me some bullshit line about how she'd get over it in time? Now I find out you're the creep and she's in the fucking hospital. They're talking about miscarriages, excessive blood loss and lord knows what other bullshit. I oughta..."

He stops talking and shakes his head. He's been in my face this whole time but now he turns and starts walking away. He stops abruptly and turns back to look at Rose.

"You knew! You fucking knew? What the fuck, Rose?" he yells.

Rose holds her hand out in my direction. "He's a good guy, Em. Bella was the one in the wrong. Edward didn't know," she attempts to explain. Emmett isn't listening though. He's staring me down. Rose grabs his arm but he shakes her off. Her eyes are filled with tears.

"She's my baby sister!" he says, his voice cracking with the emotion. I see all of it in his face -the worry, sadness, anger.

"I love her," is all I know to say. My voice sounds weak because Emmett is huge, and he's glaring at me like he wants to...

And then he punches me in the face. The pain is excruciating. I'll have a black eye tomorrow and I'm pretty sure my nose is broken considering the amount of blood on my shirt.

"You don't get to say shit like that. Stay the fuck away from her," Emmett screams.

A few of the hospital staff rush out to see what's going on. I hear them say that we can't do this here, they will call security. A young nurse comes to check on me, and I tell her I'm fine and wave her off. Then everything gets worse.

"That will be hard to do considering he's the new vice principal." We all turn and look at Riley who stands there with his hands in his pockets, glaring at me. Emmett groans and buries his head in his hands.

"Emmett," Rose says. It's a no nonsense tone. I know this tone because my mom uses it all the time.

He raises his head to meet her eyes. "I know you're furious and worried, but now is not the time for all of this. Go back to her room. She was just waking up and you don't want her to think we've left, do you?"

Emmett nods at Rose and then returns his glare to me. "I don't care how cool a guy I thought you were. It's done. I'll say this one more time so you better listen. Stay away from her, and stay away from my family. Yes, that is a threat. I won't hesitate to ruin you like _that_," he says as he snaps his fingers then turns and walks away, with Riley following close behind.

I lean against the wall, holding my nose. Rose leaves, but returns shortly with a towel and some ice.

"He's seriously upset. He's been a ticking time bomb all day. You just happened to be the spark that ignited the fire. He may have threatened you, but he'll never follow through with it. Bella's wrath terrifies him, no matter how tiny she is," she says, laughing and handing me the ice.

"Yeah, I deserved it though. I shouldn't have come here." I admit, defeated.

"I know." She looks at me, giving me a small smile. "I also know that she loves you. I know it's been killing her. I don't appreciate her lying to Emmett or to me for that matter. Her attitude's been shit lately but...I know you're a good guy and that you love her. I can call you, if we find out any more information, but you have to promise me that it's over."

I nod and sigh. "It's been over, I'm just..."

"Lovesick?" she asks.

"In over my head," I reply. For some reason I realize I'm still holding the gift I got for Bella. "I don't have the right to ask you for any favors, but can you give this to her?" I ask, handing Rose the package.

Her brows furrow in confusion.

"It's...Sixteen Candles."

She gives me a smile and nods.

"Thanks...for everything." I say, gratefully.

I leave the hospital feeling no better than when I got there. There are two things I'm sure of though.

Bella is pregnant... and the baby is mine.

**As always Reviewers get teasers. Teasers are ALWAYS being dragged out of us on Facebook, so come on over and hang out! **

**Until Next time... **


	13. Chapter 13

**SM Owns. Not said the Meg. Or Buffy, Don't own Buffy. **

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**Anyways, on to chapter 13! **

**Chapter 13: Cookie Dough and Cupcakes**

My phone rings as I put my car key into the ignition. I don't even check the caller I.D. before I answer. "Hello," I mumble, noticing the sound of defeat in my voice.

"Son, are you okay?" my father asks.

Sighing, I answer, "I think my nose is broken, but I shouldn't have expected anything less."

"Edward, you need to stay away from her. I know how strong your feelings are for this girl, but all you're going to accomplish is ruining your life."

"She's laying in a hospital bed, Dad...pregnant. I'm pretty sure it's already ruined..." I trail off.

My father groans. "Is she miscarrying, Edward?"

"I don't know much. I didn't actually get to see her, but I think that's what they suspect is happening."

"I hope for both your sakes it's true."

Knowing my dad the way I do I'm positive he hates himself for thinking that, but it still angers me. "I can't believe you would say that."

"Really, Edward? You want to be known as the principal that got his student 'knocked up'? You want Isabella to spend her senior year of high school pregnant? Miss out on college? Be a teenage mother...?"

"Of course I don't want any of that." At least that's what my head is telling me.

"Edward, if she loses this baby you need to stay away from her."

"And if she doesn't?"

"Then we deal with the consequences," he says matter-of-factly.

This is the moment I realize just how angry I am at Isabella for lying to me about…everything. The possible consequences that have been popping in and out of my head since I laid eyes on her in my classroom suddenly solidify and take up permanent residence.

Public scrutiny. Jail time. Sex offender status.

All of these consequences could change the path of _my_ life but they are only possibilities because _she_ lied. Possible consequences I will have to deal with, just because I trusted her. No one will believe I didn't know the truth.

"I have to go," I tell my father and hang up without waiting for his acknowledgment.

I pull away from the hospital and drive straight to Keenan's where I sit at the bar and think about drinking my problems away. My old boss, Patrick, who actually owns the place, keeps my glass full.

"So, what's going on?" he asks.

"Izzy," is my one word answer before I slam back a shot of Jack Daniels.

Patrick crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the bar. I'm his only customer right now so he's waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breath before I unload my troubles. "She's in the hospital. I can't see her but I'm pretty sure she's pregnant." I pause when he scrunches his face and says 'ouch'. "Anyway, she isn't who she said she was and…I still love her. At the same time I'm so mad at her because my life could be ruined over the things she lead me to believe."

Patrick passes me another shot. I down it without hesitation.

I don't stay much longer because I have a job to do in the morning. A job I deserve. A job I worked really hard to get. I'm not going to let anyone take that from me by showing up hung over and pissy. I refuse to go down without a fight.

UtB

I arrive at school the next morning with a black eye. I don't know how to explain it so I down play the whole thing. When Mrs. Cope shows concern, I just smile and tell her I'm fine.

I stand by the back doors as the students come in. Riley walks in with Jessica. She smiles at me but he just glares. I break eye contact quickly and greet a few other students as they walk into the building. Of course, I'm only standing about ten feet from Riley's locker so I can't help but overhear when a girl walks up and asks him about Bella.

"Did she really have an abortion?" she asks.

Riley slams his locker, startling me and causing me look in their direction.

"No" he says through gritted teeth.

"So is she okay? You guys are like, having a baby?"

He glances right at me before he answers. "I don't know what the fuck is going on." He pushes past the girl and walks away from me.

I'm back in my office, when Mrs. Cope calls in that Liv is here to see me. I tell her to send her in.

I hang up the phone and look up to see Liv walk through the door. Her expression registers shock and she says, "Ow. Emmett really gave it to you didn't he?"

I simply shrug. "I can't hold it against him. I would have done the same thing."

"Are you okay? I mean this is just..." she trails off, unsure exactly how to finish her statement.

"A mess?" I offer.

She chuckles darkly. "Yeah, a mess," she confirms. "I mean...even for Riley. He isn't even denying that the baby is his."

Rage rises within me. "I don't need some high school kid to cover for me." Especially him, I think to myself.

"Actually, you do. Unless you want some serious trouble, that is," she adds sarcastically

I rub my hands over my face in frustration. "I don't even know how I got here. I mean, the only mistake I made was to believe her. What was I supposed to do? Ask for her birth certificate?"

She smiles sadly and walks toward me. She stops beside the chair where I sit and leans against my desk. I feel the pressure as she gently runs her fingers through my hair and I look up at her face.

"I know you aren't the bad guy, Edward," she whispers soothingly. "I believe that."

"I'm so mad at her for lying to me…for putting me in this situation," I growl, slapping my hand on the desk top. Just as quickly my anger fades. I close my eyes, shake my head and I add, "And I'm so worried about her."

"It's okay to be angry, just like it's okay to care."

Without thinking, I lean over and rest my head against her stomach. She wraps one arm around my shoulders and continues to stroke my hair. My arms move to circle her waist.

She speaks in hushed tones and with reassuring words. Whatever happens, she knows it's not my fault. Not that her sentiment matters. I would never say anything that would jeopardize Izzy's future, even if it means I lose everything.

It's nice to be comforted, but I suddenly realize just how intimate this situation feels, and how easily I let myself fall into it. I pull away as I mumble an apology.

"What are friends for?" she says with a smile. She reaches for a stack of post-its and a pen. "This is my cell number," she says as she writes. "Call me if you want to talk. Anytime, about anything. We all need someone to listen sometimes." She finishes writing and hands me the note.

"Thanks. I really appreciate that, Liv."

I watch her walk out and then look down at the digits written in bubbly print on the yellow post it note. The 'i' in her name is dotted with a heart. It makes me chuckle.

The rest of the day continues to feel off. The art classes aren't the same without her. There is an energy and excitement missing. The love of art that only she brings.

Throughout the school day I continue to dwell on my problems. One thing I realize is that I can't blame Izzy for getting pregnant. I was completely irresponsible when we had sex this summer. I shouldn't have assumed anything, and normally wouldn't have assumed she was on the pill. I was just so consumed in the heat of the moment. Of course, if she had only told me the truth, things would never have gone that far in the first place.

The other idea that I have trouble coming to terms with is that I do want a family of my own. Some day. With...fuck...an adult. I don't want to be responsible for an eighteen year old girl's unexpected pregnancy. That's not who I want to be. Yet somehow, it is. My dad's words ring in my memory. Hope for a miscarriage.

I can't even do that wholeheartedly.

UtB

I sit at home, ignoring the million calls and text messages from Alice. I'm just not in the mood to deal with her energy at the moment. All I can think about is Izzy.

I am worried about her. I don't know if she lost the baby or even if she is okay. Emmett said something about excessive blood loss, and that worries me.

The more I think about it, the less I worry about myself and what could happen to me and the more I worry about her and what she is dealing with. By herself. I can't imagine how afraid she is.

I have to stop that thought process immediately. It's not like I can go and comfort her, or show her my support so why even think about it. It will only cause me more grief.

I'm startled by a knock on my door. When I open it I'm surprised to find Rose on the other side. She hands me the pink package I left for Izzy.

"I'm sorry," she says, with minimal eye contact. "Emmett wouldn't even let me tell her you stopped by."

I reach for the package, taking it from her hand. "I understand." I step aside and invite her in with a wave of my hand. "How is she?" I ask.

Rose sighs heavily and pauses before she answers, probably fighting the knowledge that her husband would not want her to give me any information. "She has what they call a threatened miscarriage. She's twelve weeks along, has a lot of bleeding and cramps, but hasn't actually started to dilate yet. The doctors think it's only a matter of time. She just realized she was pregnant and hasn't exactly been taking care of herself."

"But how _is _she really?" I needed to know how she was holding up not only physically but also emotionally.

"She is freaked out, and scared. She doesn't want to have a baby but she doesn't want to lose it either." I shake my head as I realize that even in this madness her thoughts mirror mine.

"How the hell didn't she know she was pregnant?" I snap at Rose, flinging my arms through the air in frustration. "If Izzy had known she could have taken better care of herself and our baby."

"She's a teenager, Edward," Rose reminds me. "And just so you know, she swears it's Riley's and he's going along with it, even though Emmett and I aren't idiots. They do have Renee fooled."

"I should own up to this," I voice. Once again, I don't like the idea of a couple of kids covering for me. "There is no way I'm going to let Riley take on the title or role of father to my child."

Rose gently places her hand on my forearm. "Edward...Bella's condition isn't improving." I think that's her way of telling me there will be no child to claim. "You need to let go. We will take care of Bella. She already said if she doesn't lose the baby she wants to give it up for adoption."

I shake off her hand and start to pace as one of my hands reaches up to grab at my hair. "That's just great! She wants to make all these choices without me? Just fucking great! As if she hasn't made enough decisions without me since the day we met!" I throw my hands up.

"It would be the best option...for both of you," Rose says calmly.

"I'm not some teenager that's incapable of..." I stop pacing a lean back against the wall as true understanding of the situation sets in. As much as I want Izzy, this person we're talking about isn't Izzy. The person in the hospital is Bella; an eighteen years old high school senior who is incapable of caring for a baby on her own.

Rose's soft but firm voice brings me back to the moment. "I'm sorry, Edward. I really am. I don't think there are any words I can say to make this better for either of you. You both just need to...let go and live your separate lives. It was the wrong time to find the right thing and the sooner you understand that, the sooner you can move on and heal." I can tell those are her final words on the subject as she leans over, kisses my cheek, and walks toward the door.

Rose opens the door to leave but I reach out and grab her arm right before she walks out. I extend the hand which holds what I hoped would be a great gift for my girlfriend at the time I bought it. "Just, say it's from you. She's upset because she thinks everyone forgot her birthday. Please," I add. It's the closest I'll come to begging. She nods once, takes the package, and walks away.

I watch Rose walk away for just a minute before I close the door and move listlessly toward the couch. My cell rings as I sit down and I see Alice's name again. I hit ignore and am about to put it down when I decide to call a friend.

It only rings a couple times before I hear her voice on the line. "Hello?" she answers.

"Liv…hey. It's Edward," I say a bit awkwardly. I'm not sure why I feel so unsure of myself. I mean, we talk every day at work, right?

"Hi, Edward. What's going on?" she responds, cheerfully.

I'm about to answer when I hear her daughter whine in the background. "Chloe, baby..." Liv says, trying to calm her down. "I'm sorry, Edward. Can you give me a second?"

"Of course." I wait patiently as I listen to her soothe her daughter. She is out of breath when she returns and apologizes for the interruption. I assure her that it is no problem.

"Did you want to talk about Bella?" she asks.

"No. I actually wanted to get my mind off that whole situation," I explain.

She seems happy oblige and we talk for a good hour. She tells me about her daughter and her ex Lucas; how he takes her on the weekends and loves her to death, but isn't very responsible. He still lives off his parents and parties more than someone his age should. The fact that she wanted to be a grown up and he wanted to play house was the biggest problem in their relationship. He could not seem to understand that life isn't a game so she left him last year.

It's nice to listen to Liv talk about her life. This way, I don't have to focus on mine for a while.

UtB

Sleep eludes me. I'm not able to find any peace knowing that the one I love is in a hospital bed, alone and scared. I can't help but think of the time we spent together this summer. Izzy and I, not Bella. One memory in particular weighs heavy on my mind at the moment.

I remember waking up to the sound of the T.V. at seven one the morning. She was watching _Buffy the Vampire Slayer _reruns. When I asked what she was doing up so early she got mad, slapped me and told me not to interrupt the program. I wasn't allowed to talk to her until the commercial break so I just held her and watched Buffy give speeches, fight demons, fall in love, and always come out on top.

"_Team Angel or Team Spike?" I ask during the commercial. _

"_Spike. Hands down Spike," she replies with conviction. _

"_Really? Why?"_

"_Seriously?" she asks, looking at me like I've grown a third eye. "Well, Angel was all 'cursed' with a soul, but Spike…he sought after a soul for her. No question, she should be with Spike." _

"_Yeah, but she won't ever become a vampire for him and he won't ever become a human, so what are they supposed to do?" _

"_I know. That does kinda suck," she answers regretfully. "Whatever happened to vegetarian vampires with free will?" _

_I laugh. "They only exist in YA fiction." _

"_Shhh, it's back on!" she says, flapping her hand at me to emphasis the need for silence. I follow her directions. _

_Angel appears and kisses Buffy. Meanwhile, Spike hides in the shadows, upset. The dialogue is something like this. _

_Angel: "Is it Spike? You're not telling me something. And his scent, I remember it pretty well." _ _Buffy: "You vampires. Did anybody ever tell you the whole smelling people thing's a little gross?" _ _Angel: "Is he your boyfriend?"_ _Buffy: "Is that your business?"_ _Angel: "You in love with him? OK, maybe I'm outta line, but this is kind of a curve ball for me. I mean, we are talking about Spike here."_ _Buffy: "It's different. He's different. He has a soul now."_ _Angel: "That's great. Everyone's got a soul now."_ _Buffy: "He'll make a difference."_ _Angel: "You know, I started it. The whole having a soul. Before it was the cool new thing."_ _Buffy: "Oh, my God. Are you 12?"_ _Angel: "I'm getting the brush off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me."_ _Buffy: "You're not getting the brush off. Are you just gonna come here and go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend?"_ _Angel: "Aha! Boyfriend!"_ _Buffy: "He's not. But...he is in my heart. What was the highlight of our relationship? When you broke up with me or when I killed you? I'm well aware of my stellar history with guys... And, no, I don't see fat grandchildren in the offing with Spike, but I don't think that really matters right now. You know, in the midst of all this insanity, a couple things are actually starting to make sense. And the guy thing— I always feared there was something wrong with me, you know, because I couldn't make it work. But maybe I'm not supposed to."_ _Angel: "Because you're the slayer?"_ _Buffy: "Because—OK, I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat— or enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then...that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done." _ _I look at Izzy and say, "Cookie Dough?" at the same time Angel says it to Buffy. _ "_Would you be quiet, please? This is huge right now. HUGE! And you're making me miss it!" _ _I lean in and kiss her neck. I didn't say another word and she still missed the rest of the show. _

She lied to me and those lies could very well ruin my entire life. That doesn't mean she deserves to go through this alone though. She needs to know she isn't alone and that I'm just as freaked out as she is. I want her to know I care about this baby.

With that thought and the memories fresh in my mind I give up the fight. "Screw it all," I mumble as I toss the blankets off my body. I pull a pair of jeans out of the dresser and put them on, then grab a hoodie and zip it up over the wife beater I'm already wearing. When I get outside I pull up the hood and head toward the hospital.

UtB

I keep my head down as I walk the dimly lit hospital hallways. I wait until the nurses aren't paying attention before I slip past the desk and into her room.

There she lays, wide awake and flipping through the channels. I push my hood down and approach her bed. A slight change in her posture lets me know she is aware of my presence, even though she won't look in my direction.

"Get out of here, please. Just...you should leave," she pleads with a shake of her head.

I stop moving toward her but I'm not going to let her convince me to leave. "I can't pretend this isn't happening, Isabella. I can't pretend that this doesn't affect me either. Even though I am angry, I do care."

Now she looks at me with deadened eyes. "It doesn't concern you and it's not your problem. Please...I've caused enough drama to last a lifetime. Walk away."

"Let's just...do this. Together. I'll resign and…"

"Would you stop!" she interrupts. "I don't want that. I don't want to be the center of some huge controversy! I don't..." She swallows back her emotion and wipes away a tear. "I want to be eighteen. I want to be a senior in high school. No matter what happened this summer, I'm still just a kid and you...you scare me," she finishes quietly as she looks away.

I'm hurt by her words. "You never seemed scared or unsure when we were together."

At least she looks at me when she responds. "That's the trouble with being a teenager. You think you're an adult, that you can handle anything life throws your way. Then life actually throws something and you see what's been so obvious to everyone else; that you're not an adult and you're not able to handle life's curve balls. I'm sorry, Edward, I really am. I do love you...but I'm not ready for you." She's lost the battle with her tears as I can see them run freely down her cheeks.

"You're cookie dough?"

She smiles and snorts sarcastically at the Buffy reference. "I need to bake."

"What about the baby?" I ask.

She looks down at her lap. "I can't talk about that right now. I won't think about something I'm so close to losing."

I nod in understanding. After a brief pause to digest everything she said I walk the rest of the way to the bed, lean in to kiss her forehead, then back away from the bed. After one last good look at her tiny huddled form, I pull my hood back up and I leave her room.

Once in the parking lot I sit in my car and find the strength to let go, regardless of my true desires. I send Isabella a text.

_"Angry, and half in love with her, and tremendously sorry, I turned away."  
_

**BPOV**

I'm sitting on my couch trying to focus on some homework when there a knock at the apartment door. It's hard to concentrate though since I found out I was pregnant yesterday. I get up to open it and find Riley smiling at me. It's barley four o'clock. He must have come straight from school, and skipped football practice.

"Hey," he says in greeting. I step to the side and invite him in. He walks a bit awkwardly and that's when I notice he's hiding something behind his back.

"I know your birthday was kind of crappy with the whole Renee thing, so…this is a re-do." He pulls one hand from behind his back with a flourish and hands me a small box.

I smile for the first time since yesterday. I spent the whole day today curled up in bed trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do instead of going to school. I currently refuse to think about what happened with Edward or about the fact that I'm pregnant

"You're the best," I compliment as I take the box. I notice that he sets something pretty big, and wrapped in a black garbage bag, on the couch as I set the box he just gave me on the counter and open the top. "You really are the best," I reiterate when I see the fancy cupcakes inside.

He comes over to stand next to me. "Yeah?" he questions before picking up a cupcake and taking a bite.

I nod dramatically. "Definitely."

I lift one of the cupcakes and start eating. They are so delicious that I think my eyes roll back in my head. "These are sooo good," I moan before taking another bite. Riley just chuckles at me.

"You aren't going to sing to me?" I joke. He graces me with a huge smile. His smiles are infectious so I can't help but return it with a smile of my own.

"Hold up," he says seriously. "You have something on your face." His voice is soft and warm and his eyes focus on my lips. Before I know it, he's smearing icing on my face and I gasp in surprise.

He laughs and steps backward, a bit fearful of retaliation I think. "Now you really have something on your face" he teases as he finishes his cupcake with a sly smirk.

I wait a moment, hoping he'll relax and let his guard down so I can get him back. I quickly move to wipe my finger full of icing down his face but he was just waiting for me. He grabs my hand to stop me then sets the remainder of my cupcake on the counter.

"Get it off," I demand, cocking my hip and propping my hand on it, all while trying to keep a straight face to convey my fake anger. Before I can protest, Riley grabs me around the waist, pulls me close, and licks my face.

"Eww, gross," I squeal and giggle as I push him away playfully. He reaches up, grabs my hands, and pulls me back toward him. My laughter dies in my throat as I see the look in his eyes. That look shouldn't scare me, but it does. I close my eyes to shut out the feeling.

"All you have to do is ask, Bel," he says so softly I barely hear it. He's so close. I smell his warm, familiar scent. I feel his heart beat under my palms. Unfortunately, all I see behind my closed eyelids is Edward.

I open my eyes, squeeze Riley's hands, and give him a tiny smile. "I wish it was that simple, Ri." I am completely sincere. My life would be so much easier if I could love him. He nods in understanding.

I can tell he's a bit disappointed, but he does his best to get us back to our silly, friendly selves. "Okay. So, I'll never be as good as you..." he says in a playful tone, walking over to retrieve the other package. He returns and hands it to me, saying, "...but this is for you."

He helps me take out a canvas with an abstract painting. What looks like black flowers are set against an orange and yellow background. The painting reminds me of a sunset.

"I... it's beautiful. Thank you so much." I'm almost moved to tears so I have to do something to lighten the moment. I hit him in the chest and focus on his negativity. "You're amazing at everything, Riley, including art. Thanks again," I say and return to admiring the painting.

I look back up at him and he pulls me in for a hug. That's just how Riley and I are. It's always carefree and easy.

We settle in to watch a couple movies; _The Breakfast Club_ and _Billy Madison. _Somewhere in between singing clowns and falling asleep I ask him to stay the night.

At some point he addresses the elephant in the room. "What are you going to do about the baby? Will you tell Edward?" he asks. How in the world could I ever hide it from Edward?

"I really don't want to think about it tonight, okay?" It's nice to pretend I'm still just some high school girl without a care in the world, even if it's just for tonight.

UtB

The sound of my alarm wakes me up. Riley's arms tighten around me and he grumbles, "Turn it off."

I roll over to face him and that's when I realize something doesn't feel right. Everything is wet but I don't know why. I sit up and fling the covers back.

"Holy shit," Riley exclaims, his face losing all color.

The sheets on my bed, my white shorts, and Riley's light blue shorts are covered with blood. It looks like a vampire had a messy meal in my bed. A sharp pain rips through my stomach at that moment, causing me to suck a breath in through my teeth in what sounds like a hiss.

Riley reaches out for me. "Bells, you okay?" he asks a bit frantically.

"So much blood," I whisper, frozen in place and a bit confused. I must zone out for a minute because the next thing I notice is that Riley is standing beside the bed, yelling at someone on his cell phone.

"...I don't know what to do! Should I call the ambulance or just take her in? God dammit, Cameron!" I don't like the idea of his brother knowing what is going on. Part of me realizes this is not what I should be worried about right now. Besides, he is a pre med student at some college in New York so maybe he can help us figure out what the heck is going on.

Riley must be upset because I hear the traces of Aussie in his speech as he relays information to Cameron. If I wasn't so freaked out about all of the blood I would have laughed and teased him about his accent creeping out right now.

I'm startled again as he sends his phone flying over the side of the bed after he ends the call. He takes a deep breath and then walks around to my side of the bed. His frantic attitude is gone in an instant.

He kneels down to my level and speaks to me in a calm voice. "Bel, I have to call the ambulance. I don't want to risk hurting you and someone needs to check you out. I'm going to change you first. Is that okay?"

I must nod, because he leaves and comes back with a warm rag. He starts pulling my clothes off so gently. Then I hear him talking again, but he's reciting my address, so I don't think he's talking to me.

"The baby," I whisper.

He gives me a sad smile. "Let's not think about that right now. I just need you to be okay," he says as he slips a new t-shirt on my body, followed by underwear and finally sweatpants. I just sit there like a life size doll, letting him take care of me.

There's knocking on the door and Riley kisses my forehead before leaving the room. I want to scream for him to stay with my but before I can utter even a syllable there are people all over my room. The smell of the blood hits me and everything goes black.

UtB

As I wake up I hear murmured words that don't make much sense to me. "...twelve weeks. There wasn't too much blood loss but the baby's heart beat is weak." I realize it's Emmett's voice I hear and try to open my heavy eyes.

As I take in my surroundings I immediately notice Rose and Emmett. He has the phone pressed to his ear. Next, I realize I'm not in my room, and that the room I am in is an ugly green color. Why am I in the hospital? A sharp pain in my abdomen quickly reminds me.

"Shit," I gasp and clutch at my stomach, causing Rose and Emmett to rush to my side.

"Bella?" Em says, tentatively.

"Is it okay? Is he okay?" I ask.

"He?" Emmett questions. I answer by looking down at my stomach.

I had trouble coping with the news of being pregnant but I can definitely picture it now. I see a little boy running around. He has Edward's intense eyes and his insanely beautiful hair.

"Whose is it?" Emmett asks through clenched teeth.

"Emmett!" Rose warns, slapping him on the arm.

"Mine," I hear from the direction of the doorway. I turn to see Riley walk in, ignoring Emmett completely. Emmett does not return the favor and glares at Riley.

"What are you doing?" I whisper to Riley when he's close enough to hear me.

"Keeping our beloved vice principal out of trouble. Just go with it," he whispers in my ear before he kisses my check.

A doctor comes in before anything else can be said. "Hi, Bella. I'm Dr Greene. How are you feeling?"

"I keep waking up with cramps. Other than that, I'm just tired. I'm scared, too. I don't want to lose him," I answer. Tears spill over my bottom lashes before I can stop them.

Rose is immediately at my side, holding my hand. "Bella, you need to calm down," she soothes.

"She's right, Bella," Dr. Greene confirms. "You're experiencing what is called a threatened miscarriage. There's nothing we can do to prevent it. The best chance your baby has is for you to keep your stress level down and to get as much fluid and rest as possible. I'd like to do a quick ultrasound while I'm here, too."

I nod, even though what he is telling me seems impossible. After all, I'm not just a high school student facing an unwanted pregnancy. I'm a high school student facing an unwanted pregnancy with the vice principal of my high school. Why would I be stressed out?

Riley smoothes some of my hair back from my face as we wait for the doctor to return with the ultrasound machine. The gel is cold against my stomach but that fact quickly fades away. There, on the fuzzy black and white screen, is what looks like a lima bean, flickering in the static. The doctor is silent.

"Why is there a flicker on the screen?" I ask excitedly.

Dr. Greene confirms that that is the heartbeat. Wow. I created that. Edward and I created a heartbeat. Tears prick at my eyes again.

"That's good right?" I ask, trying to get a handle on the situation. As I look closer, it's more than a lima bean. I can make out the head and body, tiny arms and legs. Almost like sticks. It's a baby.

"It's not very strong. That on top of the bleeding and cramps..." he trails off, leaving the truth unsaid.

I feel Rose squeeze my hand. The doctor explains that he would like me to stay overnight for observation before he prints out a few pictures at my request then leaves the room.

Emmett asks Rose and Riley if he can have a minute alone with me. They both start to leave the room. Rose turns back to Em at the last second. "Don't upset her," Rose warns. I have a feeling he wasn't very calm earlier.

"I heard the doctor," Emmett replies.

Rose kisses Emmett on the check, then turns to Riley. "Come on, _Dad,_" she says a bit sarcastically. "You can buy me a shitty cup of coffee from the cafeteria."

Emmett pulls a chair close to the edge of my bed and sits down. He reaches over and puts his big hand over mine in a protective, caring gesture. "What is going on with you, Bells," he sighs.

I've given Emmett a lot of attitude lately but I do care what he thinks. I care if he is mad or disappointed with me. Suddenly, I am a vulnerable little girl. I am not a grownup, I don't have all the answers...and I am in hot water.

Emmett gently wipes the tears from my face. "I don't know," I answer.

"You know you don't have to protect him." I know he is talking about Edward.

"I'm not," I reply and look away. "Do you think I'm going to lose the baby?" I ask him.

"It doesn't look good right now." He frowns and continues. "You're so young, Bella. You have so much to live for. What are you going to do with a baby anyway?"

"I really love this baby," I respond. It comes out as the slightest whisper. "I know I can't take care of him though. If...if I have any favors left to call in, and this child gets the chance to live...I want him to have an awesome life with an awesome family that can give him everything I can't."

"How long have you known, Bella? Why wouldn't you tell us?" Em asks exasperatedly.

"I'm...I just found out like two days ago," I admit. This is awful to own up to. It just confirms that I'm not the adult I thought I was.

"Mom is freaking out. She mentioned something about calling Charlie 'cause she has no idea what to do with you. First it's this older guy, then it's tattoos, and now you're pregnant. What's next, Bella?" Emmett looks like he's really at his wit's end.

Oh, shit, the tattoo. You're not supposed to get tattoos when you're pregnant. That reminds me of all the other things I did that you aren't suppose to do when you're pregnant. I did a lot of drinking with Riley that night at the end of the summer. I haven't been eating well. My lack of sleeping. I feel like the poster child for what not to do during pregnancy.

I guess what they say about babies having babies is true.

"I was thinking of joining a gang." I joke, trying to crack a smile and lighten the mood.

"Haha. Very funny," Emmett mocks. "Seriously, Bella."

"I know, Emmett. So...what did Charlie say?" The man is certainly not father of the year. He has been nonexistent in our lives up to this point. He sends mom money every month and cards for birthdays and Christmas. He calls sometimes but we never know what to say. He is a quiet man. Nothing like my Mom.

"He said Mom was too lenient, that you need more rules and structure. He even thought it might be good for you to spend some time out in Washington."

"No! No way. Never." I start to panic. I could never leave Edward.

"Bells, no one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do. Plus, you're eighteen now."

"I feel more like fifteen at the moment. I thought...I thought I would feel different or have some new wisdom or knowledge once I turned eighteen. I'm supposed to be an 'adult' now," I laugh lightly at myself. "I think I'm more scared and confused than ever," I admit. I can't hold back anymore and I sob quietly into my hands. "I'm so scarred, Em," I admit.

Emmett climbs in bed with me and cradles me in his arms. "It will be okay, Bells. I promise" he says in an attempt to soothe me.

I fall in and out of sleep the rest of the afternoon. At one point I wake to noise in the hallway. I know immediately that it's Edward. I'm not sure why Emmett is giving me hell about it. Maybe he thinks I have been through enough.

Edward's appearance pisses me off though. I am pissed that he would risk everything to come here. Pissed and moved to tears because of what he is risking for me.

It scares me to death.

I am not that...selfless.

"So, we are having a baby?" Riley asks later when we are alone.

"You don't have to do this you know."

"I know, Bella, but I want to." He rests his chin on my shoulder, and I just stare in his eyes.

UtB

I can't sleep. I really don't even want to.

When Edward shows up late at night with a black eye, I know I have to end this. For him and for me. I know that if we keep doing this dance we will destroy each other and whatever we had will be lost forever.

When I get his text it definitely feels final. Of course, I don't know what that means if I don't lose our baby now. How will that change things between us? I am positive he would not just walk away. He is not the type of man to run from his responsibilities, no matter what it might cost him.

Those thoughts were all for nothing because the next morning my cramps intensify. When they do another ultrasound my little lima bean isn't flickering. There is no longer a heartbeat. Riley is with me during the whole thing. I rest my head against his chest and cry as he softly runs his fingers through my hair.

The doctors ask me what I want to do. My options are to let the pregnancy naturally abort itself or to let them dilate me and scrape my uterus.

I don't know what to do. I look at Riley for guidance, but he is just as clueless. I finally ask if I can have some time to think about it.

When my mom arrives she is in tears. Riley steps aside and I hug her. After she soothes me and gives her opinion on what I should do she turns her attention to Riley.

"Are you parents aware of the situation?" she asks, crossing her arms over her chest in full-on mom mode. I have only seen this side of her a few times. I'm really glad because it kinda scares me.

"Ah...um..." Riley stutters, looking at me.

"So, since it's not your body you think you don't have to tell them? You think you can just get off scott free?"

"Stop, Mom." I'm about to tell her the baby was Edward's when Riley interrupts me, surprising me yet again.

"She's right, Bells. I should tell my parents. My older brother knows, so it's not like I've been keeping it a secret."

"I should hope not. I hope you kids have learned a lesson from all of this," Mom chastises.

The nurse comes in with all the paperwork for the procedure, effectively ending Mom's rant. She describes everything and explains that I can be discharged a few hours after it's complete.

Silent tears fall down my face as they wheel me to surgery. As I slip into unconsciousness, all I can think of is Edward. All I see is that little boy running free in a gray shirt. I briefly wonder why it's gray, and then I realize the significance. Nothing in this situation has been black or white. It's all been varying shades of gray.

I spend the rest of the week at home in bed. Riley comes every day after school. Every night I dream of that little boy, always in gray.

After several afternoon visits I ask Riley about football practice. I know he's missing them and that he's required to be there.

"What about it? You're more important than football."

"But they're not going to let you play..." I trail off.

He grasps my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "So I sit on the bench a few games," he says with a shrug. "That just gives me more time with my queen at homecoming," he smirks.

"Shut up," I scoff. I always I wanted to be homecoming queen...but now it just seems so trivial and stupid.

"Yup, it's me and you. I mean Kelsey and James are nominated too, but we are shoe-ins," he says cockily.

"You are so full of yourself." I laugh, smack his shoulder then turn my attention back to my journal.

This is what I wanted right? To be a senior in high school...

I work in my art journal every day. I use a lot of gray.

"_Life isn't black and white; it's a million gray areas." _

I stop my work and look at Riley. His hair is really blonde in the front. His eyes are a really intense brown. His jeans have a hole in the knee.

He catches me starring at him and asks, "What?"

"You have been amazing, Riley. Really. I don't know what I would do without you."

He wraps me in a hug and when I pull away he has that same look in his eye from the night he brought me the cupcakes. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and his thumb strokes over my cheek, lingering just long enough to reinforce his desires.

"Kiss me?" I ask.

"I can't handle it if you don't mean it," he whispers, his mouth hovering close to mine.

I swallow the lump in my throat and say, "I mean it."

He leans in and places one soft kiss to my lips. He moves up and kisses each of my closed eyelids softly before his lips find mine again. This time I open my mouth slightly. His tongue touches mine for a second. He tastes the same as always, like cherry Lifesavers. My hand travels under his shirt to feel his ridged six pack, then further up to his smooth, hairless chest. The kiss intensifies and deepens as our tongues move in and out of each other's mouths.

The million gray areas just became a million and one.


	14. Chapter 14

**SM owns. Not Amy. Not Me. **

**Becky is a great new pre-reader. My2GalsPal...well we just adore her for all the hard work she puts into this story!**

**Some of you won't be able to handle upcoming chapters... Just know there will be lemons, and tons of E/B interaction. I get it if you can't handle it... we all have our limits. Edward and Bella will have a happy ending. It's promised.**

**Have a little faith in us :)**

**BPOV**

I sit in Edward's art class, sketching in my art journal. The current page only has the phrase "_The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost." _ I haven't drawn a picture to go along with it and the font I chose for the letters is big and bubbly, nothing like how I actually feel these days. Part of the reason I love to sketch in my journal is that it allows me to look busy but also gives me the freedom to get a bit lost in my thoughts. That's exactly what's going on right now.

So much has happened since I came back to school. I came back just a week after the procedure, while everything was still raw. My emotions were a tangled mess. Part of me was relieved not to be an unwed, pregnant teenager. On the other hand, I was also hurt by the fact that I lost not only part of myself, but also a part of Edward. A part of him that I would never get back and something that could have kept us connected to each other, at least in some small way.

The rumors died down pretty quickly once everyone got the message that there would be no baby. Riley was my emotional bodyguard. He was always there to make sure no one brought it up. And no one said anything about it, at least in his presence, because no one wanted to piss off the golden boy.

Homecoming week arrived along with all its school spirit events. Posters announcing the candidates for Homecoming king and queen were plastered all over the school. Jessica was so excited for Riley and me that she made some for us.

_Cast your ballot. Have you heard? Riley for Homecoming king. Spread the word!_

_Cast your ballot. Have you heard? Bella for Homecoming queen. Spread the word! _

_Bella and Riley are the golden couple...vote for them!_

Everything Jess does is over the top and this was no different. I had to laugh at her enthusiasm.

Along with her ardent royalty campaign, she convinced me that we just _had _to go to Atlantic City for our dresses. I fell in love with a strapless turquoise silk dress. Jess said it made my boobs look great. Plus, it was short and I do have awesome legs. I felt great in it. Jess found a purple, one-shouldered dress and it looked great on her. We also found accessories and shoes during our trip.

We had some "girl talk" while we were out shopping, too. She told me how she and James agreed that they should not get back together. I reassured her she deserved better anyway. She did not bring up Riley or Edward and I was really grateful. She can be self-adsorbed but that worked in my favor that day.

Riley won't get to play in the Homecoming game since he missed so many practices. He swore up and down that he would rather spend the night with me and our friends anyway. I tried desperately to convince him that all he has to do was talk to Coach Clapp. The coach would let him play in a heartbeat if Riley would just ask and show some remorse for all the time away from the team. I reminded him that we were going to the bon-fire and dance so it wasn't like we wouldn't have any time together. He laughed and told me I was silly because forever wouldn't be enough time with me.

Edward's voice breaks through my musings and brings me back to the present. He's talking to Kelsey about her painting. I can usually block out the recent events during class, especially if I'm working on my journal but for whatever reason, Kelsey continues to sit next to me in art. I cannot forget that she's the reason all the rumors began.

Now that I'm back in the present, I watch Edward move around the class. I hope no one else really notices. He completely avoids me. There has been a dull, constant pain deep inside of my chest since he walked out of my hospital room. Seeing him and knowing that I can't touch him or kiss him magnifies the pain by a million. It all feels so final.

Just as I complete that thought I see the top of Riley's head outside the classroom door. I've come to think of him as my band aid because he makes my life more bearable with his kindness, he helps heal my wounded heart, and most of the time it feels like he is stuck to me. I jump up and grab everything when the bell rings. I don't want to risk having to talk to Edward. I do feel his eyes on me as I pass his desk though.

Riley smiles and grabs my hand as I walk out the door. I can't help but smile back at him. This is how it's been for the last two weeks. He's just there when I need him. I don't ask him to kiss me anymore either. He just does whenever he wants to.

We start to walk away, but then I hear Edward call my name. Riley squeezes my hand, and we both turn to look at him.

"Got a minute?" he asks. I look back at Riley who shuffles his feet and sighs with a small skake of his head.

"Uh, yeah," I respond. "Go ahead Ri, I'll catch up." He nods, then leans in and kisses me on the temple. I see Edward's face tense up and relax just as quickly. Riley heads off without a word as I walk back toward Edward.

"So, we're behind on the set. I know..." he trails off, not quite sure how to phrase whatever it is he is about to say. He takes a quick breath and tries again. "I know you've been out for a while, but I promised Liv, I mean Ms. Remy, that we'd start working on it soon."

For some reason, the thought of him promising Ms. Remy anything makes me upset. I check my feelings before answering, "Oh, yeah. When do you want to do it? I'm free now if you want," I offer.

He clears his throat, and then I realize what I said. "Um, yeah..." he says as he motions to the art room and I follow him back inside.

For the next forty-five minutes we go over the set. We work well together but there are definitely problems with me being this close to Edward. I try to stop my heart from skipping a beat when his eyes meet mine. I try to control my breath when my hand touches his. Unfortunately, nothing works. No matter how important it is that I forget about what we had, I will never actually be able to do that. I would be a fool to think otherwise.

We are almost finished when someone knocks on the door. I glance up to see Ms Remy watching from the doorway. "Oh. Sorry to interrupt. I'll come back later, Edward." She leaves as quickly as she came, and I can't help that I like the fact that she's gone and I'm still in the room with Edward. My bubble bursts when I think about what I saw though. The look in her eyes and the tone of her voice both told me that she knows about our past.

That thought makes me anxious to leave so I start clearing my things away. Suddenly I remember there will be no class tomorrow because of the pep rally. I pull my art journal back out of my bag and hold it against my chest for just a moment. "I know I could give this to you tomorrow, but I might as well turn it in now," I say as I hold the art journal out to Edward.

As he takes it from me a small ultrasound picture falls to the ground. I forgot that I had put it in the journal. He bends down to pick up the scrap and starts to hand it back to me. When he realizes what it is he looks at me and then back at the picture in his hand. I have no idea what to say but he appears to be examining the image pretty closely.

"If you want it..." I start, but trail off. I really don't want to hear him tell me no. "Never mind. Forget I said anything," I say as I reach for the paper. Thanks goodness we're only talking about an ultrasound picture. We could be talking about an actual baby right now instead of just a picture of a baby. There will be no kid. We're finished. That thought increases the pain inside of my chest to the point that I feel tears in the corners of my eyes.

"Hey..." he says gently. I feel him step toward me and realize this is closer than he has been in weeks, both physically and emotionally. "I do want this. It's mine, right?" he asks. I know he isn't just talking about the picture.

My heart, my soul, the baby, the picture...it's all his. I want to tell him this so badly, but I just nod instead.

"I'm sad too, you know. I wish this could be different. There's nothing I'd want more if things could only be different," he says, barely above a whisper.

I try to smile, but I can't. Before I know it he reaches out and hugs me. Once again I'm wrapped up in Edward. His scent. His touch. I relish it, savor it, and take it for everything it's worth because I know it won't last.

"I'm so, so sorry," I whisper into his neck and he squeezes tighter.

A throat clears behind us and we jump apart. I turn to see Riley watching our interaction. I can tell that he's upset, possibly even angry, by the look on his face. "Ready?" he asks me.

I nod. "Bye, Mr. Cullen," I whisper without looking at him. I grab my bag and throw it over my shoulder. Riley does not reach for my hand as I walk into the hallway. Shrugging off the situation, I walk to his car and wait for him to unlock the doors. I climb into the car and brace myself. I know Riley, and what I know is that he's about to lose his temper.

Sure enough, as soon as he closes his car door he starts. "What the hell was that?" I'm not exactly sure what it was so I just keep my eyes focused on my lap. "I know you love him and he loves you. I know I have no right to nag you like I am. I mean, I get it, but Jesus, Bella! If you could have seen the two of you… If it had been _anyone_ else that saw you two like that your secret would have been front page news. You two being in the same room would give it away but that scene would leave no room for speculation. I just..." he pauses and calms a bit before continuing. "I'm jealous, okay. I hate that you have that connection to him."

His insecurity is almost painful and I need to make him feel as good as he makes me feel. I climb over the console and into his lap. I stroke his cheek soothingly before I lean in to kiss him which is very different than him always kissing me. "I'm with you, aren't I?"

"Is that what this is?" he asks, his voice raw with emotion.

I shrug. "If that's how you want it to be," is the only answer I have. I know that is wrong. I shouldn't be with Riley if I won't be fully withhim. When he returns my kiss he gives me his answer. I knew what it would be. He will take the fraction I am offering him and be happy to have it. I do love him, but compared to Edward, it's night and day.

I don't know how long we sit there wrapped up in our own little world but eventually we hear voices outside of the car. We both stop and look out the window to see Edward and Liv getting into her car together. I don't want to think about what I'm seeing so I do the only thing I can think of and kiss Riley again.

It really does feel good to be with him.

UtB

"Morning, my queen!" he bellows as I get into the car.

I smile and laugh at his cheesy greeting. "Hey, Ri." Today is the pep rally and homecoming game. Riley is excited and, as always, his excitement is infectious.

He leans over and plants a kiss on my lips. "Missed you," he mumbles.

I giggle again and push him away from me. "Cut it out. If Renee sees us, she'll call your parents again. Let's get out of here." He laughs out loud, kisses me again and heads to school.

I'm all smiles as we walk into school. The difference is that this smile isn't the fake one I've been wearing for the last week. Being with Riley really makes me happy. He holds my hand as we walk through the hallways and kisses me whenever he wants, often just because he can.

Later in the day Jess and I stand at my locker, waiting for Riley to meet us before the pep rally. "So you're like, _together_ together? Officially?" she asks.

When I shrug and nod in confirmation she squeals and jumps up and down in excitement. "Jesus, Jess. You act like the world would end if I said no." I laugh at the utter silliness of that statement, but the truth is, she probably thinks it would end.

"I can't help it. I know how he feels about you," she says wistfully. "I wish someone felt that way about me. Think Cameron's single?" she asks. She looks so hopeful.

I laugh, but before I can reply I feel strong arms wrap around my waist. "Hey, queen." Riley murmurs, as he nuzzles my neck. I smile at the feeling and turn to face him.

"Stop calling me that. You're so cheesy." I laugh at him but bring my hands up to rest on his chest. Before I can say anything else he pushes me up against my locker and kisses me again, much less playfully than usual.

"Ooookaaayyyy. Guess I'll see you later," Jess says before walking away to leave us alone, well as alone as you can be in a school hallway.

"Well, hello," I tease.

"Hi," he replies with a smile. "So I have an idea. If you don't want to, we don't have to, but…oh, just follow me."

He takes my hand and quickly leads me to the gym. After a look around to see who might be watching he pulls me directly underneath the bleachers and turns to look at me. I raise my eyebrows at him and he smiles sheepishly.

"This will be the last time we ever get a chance to make out here before Homecoming..." he trails off, looking so hopeful and cute.

"You're such a sweet talker," I laugh moving closer to him.

"You love it," he teases with a smirk as his arms circle my waist and his lips meet mine as he pushes me against the wall.

The truth of the matter is that I really do. I love being in our own little world of hands and lips and soft sighs, completely oblivious to what is going on in the bleachers above us. I feel his hands creep up my legs and under my skirt. He pulls back and looks me in the eyes to make sure what he's doing is okay. I place one of my hands on each side of his face and pull him back to me for another kiss.

"Too bad this isn't like last year. You actually wear underwear now?" he asks, with a mischievous grin.

"No talking. You say stupid things," I say between pecks on his lips.

He laughs and kisses my nose. "I'd love for this to continue, but...it's too soon and they'll be calling us up in a minute. Let's go," he says with one more kiss. He grabs my hand and we walk out into the open.

I'm smoothing my skirt down and hear Riley say, "Fix yo..." I'm not sure why he stopped so abruptly until I raise my head and turn around.

Edward is standing against the wall, arms crossed against his chest glaring at me. He looks pissed and that pisses me off. He has no right to judge me.

"Yes, Bella, fix your skirt and then the both of you can go to your seats," he says, a note of disgust clear in his voice. Before I can come up with a snarky comment, Ms. Remy walks through the doors. She eyes all three of us, and then looks at Edward. He nods and they walk across the gym together.

"Wow. Didn't take her long to sink her claws into him," I mutter. I didn't mean for Riley to hear me, but he did and laughs at my sarcasm.

"Too awkward," he says. We head off to find our friends in the bleachers. Once we are seated my eyes search for Edward. I find him sitting next to Ms. Remy. They're leaning towards each other as they talk. She says something to make him laugh, and he moves his hand to rest on her leg. As if he feels me looking at him, his green eyes swing over to focus on my brown ones. He looks away quickly, but does not move his hand.

I try not to think about the situation. About how much it hurts to see him interacting with another woman. Then I wonder if he is hurting at all. If he is, is it because of the baby, or me, or seeing me with Riley...or some combination of things. If he is hurting, he should get an award for acting, because I can't tell.

**EPOV**

Rose was the one who called to let me know that Bella lost the baby. Our baby. I managed to remain calm as she told me Bella didn't want to see me and kindly asked me to let her go. I even thanked Rose for letting me know what happened. The calmness didn't hold once I put the phone down. Surprisingly, I only got a few scratches on my knuckles when I punched the wall.

I tried telling myself there was nothing to let go of because Izzy, the woman I loved, did not exist. Unfortunately, my heart would not agree with that logic and reminded me at every turn that the life that began to form inside her was proof of her existence.

The real problem? I don't know how to merge Izzy and Bella. Izzy is not here, but Bella is. I have to catch myself every time I think of her, which is often, and remind myself that she is Bella. Not Izzy. I usually get it wrong, but at least it's only in my head.

When Bella returned to school, I resisted the urge to call her into my office and ask how she was doing. It was hard at first, but then I noticed Riley had attached himself to her hip. He was always waiting for her and constantly nearby.

It was hard to see her with Riley, but I couldn't begrudge her his companionship. She told me this was what she wanted; to be a teenager and experience high school. I was trying so hard to respect her wishes. To stay away and just let her be Bella Swan, the beautiful brown eyed girl that just got carried away with an older man over the summer. If that wish was all I could give her, I would walk through hell to make sure she got her life back.

When she offered me the ultrasound picture it was like something inside me snapped. I had to fight with myself because I couldn't have this girl now. I couldn't ask her to put her life on hold either. I couldn't do anything but wish her happiness. Meanwhile, I hoped we would make it back to each other again someday, when the time was right. As I held her body in my arms I willed her to ask me to wait. _"Just ask," _I thought over and over in my head. I was proud that the words didn't leave my lips until she was out the door and down the hall. Even then they came out as a choked whisper as I looked down at the ultrasound image.

Looking at the picture made my thoughts travel in a different direction. What had I been thinking during our time together? I was always careful. I never put Katie or my high school girlfriend Jane in that situation. Yet, as a grown man I managed to put Bella there. I had been so wrapped up in my feelings, forgoing all common sense. My actions made me responsible for the pain and loss she must feel now…and I can't even help her sort through those feelings.

It almost made me glad that she had Riley. Almost.

In the midst of my musings, Liv walked into the art room and sat in the seat Bella had vacated. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I think we got off to a good start with the set. Next week we will get the rest of the volunteers involved."

"I didn't mean about the play, Edward," she clarified.

"Good as it's gonna get," I said as I stood up. "Why don't you look these over and let me know your thoughts," I suggested. I needed to move off the topic of Bella.

"Of course," Liv said, pulling the sketches on the desk closer to her and into a more organized pile. She started flipping through them, a smile on her face.

"Bella...she really has a great eye," Liv notes, mostly to herself I think. "I really think she will do amazing things if she puts her mind to it."

"Oh?" I ask. I'm a little worried Liv is implying that I am holding Bella back from her full potential with everything that has happened.

"No, Edward," Liv says with a shake of her head. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant, she doesn't have a lot of money for college and she has never really had the motivation to seek out the scholarships she needs. I meant she has a portfolio, and it's amazing, but she needs to go a few extra steps to get noticed. I just haven't been able to convince her that those are the things she needs to do."

I nod. I don't want to discuss Bella with Liv anymore, but a plan begins to form in my mind. I want to help Bella. It would be a shame to watch her waste her talents at the community college.

"How's the casting going for the play?" I redirect.

She chuckles. "Kelsey is going to be an awesome Emily but I can't find her the right George. I can't be sure but I think Riley would be perfect for the part. I asked him if he was interested and he laughed at me. Last year I had a whole slew of boys lined up to be in the play but I became like the evil step-mother in Snow White in order to keep them in line. Now they don't bother me and try to flirt, but they don't come knocking down my door either."

"Teaching is all about contradictions, isn't it? There is a fine line between being a friend and being an authority figure. It's certainly not easy to find a balance but you want a little of both so they can open up to you but also respect you."

"Do you want to get a drink or something?" Liv asks. "Maybe we can share wisdom over a beer."

"Sure. Just let me grab my stuff." I grab my blazer and open the door to the art room for her. We walk together downstairs to my office where I pick up the rest of my stuff and say goodbye to Mrs. Cope. We exit the building and walk to Liv's car. On the way I notice Bella sitting in Riley's lap in the parking lot, but I ignore it.

"You didn't want to break that up?" Liv asks once we are in the car and pulling away.

"And deal with the paperwork of detentions? Nah." I look out the window and sigh. "Besides, that's what she wants...to be teenager."

I feel Liv's hand rest on my knee and give a squeeze before I turn back to face her. Thankful I have a friend that is able to listen and lend some support. The thought brings a smile to my face.

We head to Kennan's for a beer. Liv says she can only have one because she has to pick up Chloe and can't have a buzz. I have a second while she sips on a coke and we talk about work. She fills me in about all the Homecoming events and confirms what I already knew, that Bella and Riley will win king and queen.

Riley. He annoys me but I can't hate him. He has been there for Bella when I couldn't. He missed football practices and has even been benched, all so he could take care of her.

I would trade places with him in a heartbeat.

"I noticed Paul checking you out. Anything going on there?" I tease Liv. Paul is the shop teacher at school.

"I know. He's been asking me out since I started working there. He's actually pretty relentless."

"Not your type?" I ask.

"Not at all," she answers with a sly smile.

I can't help but ask. "What is your type?"

"Mostly the sweet, unavailable type." Suddenly her playful smile turns into a sad one.

"Ah, I get it. You're an all-the-good-ones-are-taken-so-why-bother type of girl," I assess.

"Yup," she says, her eyes stare into mine.

"I guess you could be right. I mean, what's so great about a twenty-four year old vice principal that knocks up a seventeen year old girl?" I ask sarcastically before I chug back more of my beer.

"What's so great is that he's a very sweet guy...he just isn't available." She places her hand on my forearm as she finishes her statement. I catch her eye again and the look between us is intense. As a matter of fact, I really want to kiss her.

I lean forward to do just that, but inches from her mouth she puts her hand against my chest and pushes me back. "I can't do that Edward. Right now you're just looking for someone to comfort you and I can't be that person. I have a little girl to consider every time I start a relationship. And that's what I'm looking for…a relationship, not a rebound fuck. I'm not strong enough to be that for you."

I pull away, and run my hand through my hair. With a heavy sigh I realize she's completely right and that I'm a jerk for attempting to take advantage of her that way. "I'm sorry, Liv."

"Me too," she replies.

I don't think we're sorry about the same thing though.

UtB

I smile to myself when I notice that she is actually happy. I can see that she is excited about homecoming, and I'm excited for her.

I'm not so excited when I catch her and Riley under the bleachers. I can't manage to feel happy for her at all in that moment. It is a stark reminder that she isn't mine. Not anymore. Actually, Bella never was. Izzy was mine. Bella is _his_.

I resist the urge to give them both Saturday school and just tell them to find a seat. When Liv walks in I follow her to the other side of the gym. She helps lighten the mood and makes me smile. I try not to let that feeling dissolve when I catch brown eyes across the way.

Coach Clapp announces the starting lineup for the Homecoming game that will take place later that night. The kids boo when Riley isn't announced as the starting quarterback. The cheerleaders do some routines and then it's time for Liv and I to announce the Homecoming court.

Bella shies away when her name is announced. Her cheeks redden and she moves to hide half her body behind Riley, who in turn, eats up the attention. The students cheer the loudest for Bella and Riley. He wraps his arms around her and plants a huge kiss on her lips. She doesn't seem upset with his actions, just embarrassed by the attention. The sharp pain inside of me dulls to a throb because I am happy for her. I am happy to see her...be herself, right where she belongs, in high school.

Not pregnant. Not in a relationship with an older man that she isn't ready for. I would never take this from her. Never take any moment she desires from her, and I take a moment to be thankful that we were given this chance.

UtB

I sit in the bleachers with Marcus as we wait for the Homecoming game to begin. The air is cold tonight and I shiver, even wearing my school hoodie and a beanie. Marcus cracks a joke about the school board needing to allow the faculty to BYOB to the football games. Everyone around us laughs.

My attention is drawn to the entrance by a sudden increase in the noise level. I turn to see a group of kids. In the center of it all stands Bella. It's impossible for me to miss her. Her hair is up in a messy bun and she is wearing _his_ letterman jacket. He reaches for her hand but she laughs and runs from him. He is faster though and when he catches her he throws her over his shoulder and smacks her ass.

"Riley's really been screwing up lately," Marcus leans in and says just loud enough for me to hear. "This game will be a bust because he isn't playing tonight, all because he can't focus on anything but _that girl_." I don't miss the note of contempt in his voice when he refers to Bella.

I feel anger boil inside my chest but I can't show it. How is it Marcus doesn't see that Bella more than just some girl? If it weren't for the way Riley watches out for her...Well, I shudder when I think about the possibilities.

"It seems like he does what's right for him and the people he cares about. Can't fault him for that." It's not a ringing endorsement but it's all I can offer by way of praise for Riley. I leave it at that and try not to follow them around the field with my eyes. That task gets easier when Liv shows up with Chloe.

"Any more room here?" Liv asks. Marcus and I both slide down the bench seat, which allows her to sit next to me. After Chloe greets Marcus Liv asks her if she remembers me. She shakes her head no and sits down on her mother's lap. I reach out and gently shake her hand. "It's nice to see you again, Chloe. I'm Edward."

She smiles and I notice the one sided dimple on her doll face. Her eyes are big and brown, but she has blonde hair. She also has heart shaped lips and chunky cheeks. She was shy at the beginning of the game, but by the end of the night she took a turn sitting on my lap and even sat on my shoulders for a few minutes before Liv got too nervous and asked me to put her down.

"Please, Edward," she pleads, reaching up to rescue her daughter. I reach up under Chloe's arms and lift her off. When I bring her down and hand her to Liv, I kiss Chloe's cheek. I'm not sure why, it just felt like the natural thing to do.

Liv looks a little shocked and so I tickle Chloe's sides. "Your mom worries too much!" Chloe giggles loudly.

Marcus was right. We did lose the game. The general consensus seems to be that it was because Riley's replacement wasn't half as good as Riley.

UtB

The next evening is the night of the dance. I have to be there about half an hour before it starts. When Liv arrives I greet her with a hug and a quick kiss on her cheek. She looks lovely. Her hair is down in loose curls and she is wearing a strapless white dress with a floral pattern. I just threw on a pair of slacks and a button down shirt.

It's not long before everyone starts arriving. I try to make sure that everyone is sober and no one is sneaking in any alcohol. Liv and I stay close most of the night. I catch Bella looking at us a few times, even though Riley can't keep his hands off of her. She looks stunning and I am not really comfortable with the way my body still reacts to her.

Later in the night I confiscate a water bottle filled with vodka from the same girl I talked with the first day of school when she was caught smoking. I escort her to my office where I call her parents to come and get her. Another teacher sits and waits with her until they show up to take her home and I leave the office.

I am just about to pour the vodka down the drain in the water fountain when Bella walks out of the bathroom. She doesn't see me at first as she is fiddling with a ring on her finger. When she looks up and see's me her step falters just a bit but she continues to walk toward me.

"Having a nice time, _Mr. Cullen_?" she asks. I recognize the tone as her being flirty with me.

I smile, but it's tense and forced because I want to tell her how hot she looks. I want to tell her how that turquoise dress looks against her creamy skin and chestnut hair as I run my finger across her bare shoulder. I want to push her up against the wall a kiss her like my life depends on it. Instead, I simply answer, "Yes, Iz-Bella. It's a nice dance so far. Are you enjoying yourself?"

_Stay professional. Vice Principal. Teacher. _I repeat this mantra over and over in my head.

When she steps closer and trails her finger down a few buttons on my shirt the mantra changes.

_Say the words. Ask me to quit. Ask me to wait. _I only allow that to run through my head once before I step back and out of Bella's reach, leaving her hand in midair. The look on her face changes from flirty to insulted before she drops her hand to her side. I can smell the beer wafting off her.

"You and Liv, I mean _Ms. Remy_, seem to be having a nice time." Her tone changes to one of sarcasm, especially as she emphasizes Liv's formal name.

"As do you and Riley," I snap in return. I shouldn't have shown her my jealousy but it's my gut reaction. I sigh and run my hands through my hair, knowing I need to get control of the situation. I am an adult after all. When I'm able I ask, "How are you_ doing_?" hoping she understands I'm not just making small talk. I want her to know that I really care, even if I can't prove it the way that Riley can.

"Peachy," she blurts with a tilt of her head. She's trying to say it with enough attitude that I will believe her. If she had not looked away right at that moment, I just might have.

She didn't wait for me to respond, she simply walked away.

The next time I see her was when I made the announcement that she and Riley were this years Homecoming royalty.

Maybe she really was peachy. She looked perfectly happy when they shared the spotlight dance to "_Just the Way You Are."_

When the night was over and all that was left were the bright lights of the gym and half fallen decorations, I asked Liv if she wanted to leave with me.

"Ah, yeah. Sure," she answered.

Color me surprised.

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	15. Chapter 15

**SM Owns. We don't**

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**For the woman still here...be strong. Just remember E and B will get some loving...**

**Chapter 15: Red Wine and Hard Truths**

**EPOV**

"Chloe keeps asking about you," Liv states as she sits beside me on the couch. Her legs are stretched out across my lap as we sit and enjoy each other's company and some red wine.

"Yeah?" I ask in surprise. "How is she?"

"Good."

I finish my wine and lean over to put the glass on the coffee table. "Maybe one day we can all do something together," I offer without thinking. "I mean, if it's okay with you."

"Really?" She asks.

I nod. "Yeah, I mean...we're friends, right? We don't always have to do grown-up stuff without her. I wouldn't want to be away from her all the time if she was my daughter."

"So…we'll be hanging out more?" She questions, a slight smile on her face.

"If that's okay with you," I answer playfully. She nods in response and suddenly the atmosphere shifts. "Liv?"

"Yes, Edward," she replies breathily as I push a strand of curls behind her ear.

"Can I kiss you?" I think it's the alcohol talking, but I really do want to kiss her.

"Yes."

So I do. The kiss is gentle and slow. Her hand cups my chin and I feel the touch of her fingers as they graze my cheek.

The kiss is interrupted as she gasps, "Shit," and pulls away. I look down to see that she has spilled wine on her dress. I jump up, run to the kitchen for towels, and return to help clean up the spill.

"Um, I can get you something to change into...or I could take you home," I add as an afterthought. As the words leave my mouth I realize I don't want her to go home though. It's so easy to be around her.

"How bad would it sound if I said I didn't want to leave?" she asks with a slightly nervous laugh. I just shake my head, grab her hand and lead her upstairs. I take her to my room where she stands silently while I pick out a t-shirt and pair of shorts for her to wear.

"Nice picture. You should probably..." Her voice trails off and she doesn't finish her statement.

I glance up to see what she's talking about. It's a picture of Izzy and me the day after I painted the cherry blossoms down her side. She's wearing her bikini, holding a wine cooler and straddling my lap as she gazes into my eyes.

"Supplying liquor to minors could get you in more trouble than...everything else," she says softly.

"I've been meaning to get rid of that picture, but it's a part of my very recent past. I know I need to get over the whole situation and I'm trying. Be patient with me?" I ask, handing her the extra clothes.

Liv places her hand on my arm reassuringly. "I get it. I really do." I nod and point to the bathroom where she can change.

When the door closes I walk over and examine the picture she pointed out. It seems like it was taken a lifetime ago. After a moment I pick up the picture and hide it in my desk drawer.

"Ya know, since the night we met all I wanted to do was kiss you," Liv says as she comes out of the bathroom in my clothes. "Leave it to you and your wine to ruin the moment when it finally happens." She laughs and throws her stained dress at me before she runs out of the room and down the stairs. I catch up with her in the living room and tickle her until we fall on the sofa.

The mood shifts again as our laughter dies down as we get comfortable. I look straight into Liv's eyes to make sure I have her attention before I tell her, "Thank you for a great night...and for being a great person."

We sit comfortably on the couch for the rest of the night watching late night cartoons. The last thing I remember before falling asleep is grabbing Liv's hand and stroking her cheek as she lay with her head on my chest.

UtB

When I wake up the first thing I realize is that the sun is up; the second is that Liv is sleeping next to me on the couch.

"Hey," I whisper. I don't want to wake her up but I'm not sure if she meant to stay over or if she was supposed to get back to Chloe last night.

Her eyes open, and she gives me an awkward smile as she sits up. "What time is it?" she asks in a soft, sleep filled voice.

I look at the clock and relay that it's only eight in the morning. "So...Ms. Remy, would you like to have breakfast with me?" I'm being completely selfish. I want her to stay because it's easy to forget about my problems when I'm with her.

"Sure," she answers, "but can we go get Chloe first? I'm sure Lucas is all kinds of restless."

On the way to pick up Chloe we stop at Liv's place to get a car seat and so Liv can change into more appropriate clothes. She comes out wearing jeans, a zip up jacket, and a pair of beat up Uggs. One look at her outfit reminds me that we may be adults, but we're still young people.

We get back on the road and within ten minutes we're passing the Twilight Hotel. I can't ignore the pain in my chest and it takes everything in me not to look for familiar cars in the lot. Liv seems to realize my dilemma and puts her hand over mine. Without thinking I flip my hand over so they are palm to palm and clasp them together.

Liv shoots her ex a text letting him know she is there as we pull in the parking lot at the Mango Hotel. As we exit the car I notice the hotel is set up a lot like Bella's. All the doors to the rooms are on the outside. One door is open and a man leans against the doorframe, waiting. He is shirtless and has a tattoo that says "Chloe" over his heart. I assume this is Lucas.

We approach the door and Chloe comes running out. "Mommy," she yells in excitement. Liv laughs and picks her up for a tight hug.

"Hey baby. Remember Edward?" Liv asks, turning towards me. Chloe nods her head and holds her arms out toward me. I take her as Lucas hands Chloe's bags to Liv.

"Luke, this is Edward. Edward, Lucas," Liv says by way of introductions.

"So this is what you were doing last night while I was taking care of our daughter?" Lucas asks accusingly, puffing his chest out.

"We're friends, Luke. Don't start," Liv warns.

Lucas chuckles darkly. "I bet. I know how it is being _friends_ with you. Our daughter is the product of our friendship," he says snidely.

Chloe is listening to the whole conversation. Even though she doesn't understand her father's derogatory statement about her mother, it's not something she needs to hear. I don't want to make trouble for Liv but I can't hold my tongue.

"Dude, really? In front of your kid? How long did you spend doing sit ups and waxing your chest last night?"

"Huh?" he asks in genuine confusion, rubbing the back of his buzzed head. The guy doesn't even realize I've just insulted him. Not surprising. Liv lets out a laugh.

I look over to Liv. "Done?" I ask. She nods, all the while holding in more laughter. I tilt my head in the direction of the car and say, "Then let's go."

Once we reach the car I put Chloe in her car seat, but I'm stumped by all the buckles. "Ah...Liv? I can't figure this thing out," I admit, stepping back from the car. She laughs at me, and bends over to fasten everything. I have to say that I enjoy the view.

We head over to the diner where Chloe asks me to carry her inside, so I do. Chloe won't stop talking about waffles with 'stwabewwies'. Liv laughs at us and the sound makes me smile.

"She has you wrapped around her finger, you know," Liv says with a smirk.

I shrug. "Not like it was hard. She's a sweetheart, just like her mom." Liv smiles at the compliment.

As we wait for the hostess I notice Liv tense up. She turns to me and says my name to get my attention but something behind her catches my eye.

Bella and Riley are seated in a nearby booth. She is wearing his letter man jacket and a t-shirt that also looks like it might be his. They are sitting on the same side of the booth and she has her head on his shoulder, while he smiles and laughs.

"Edward..." Liv says again as the hostess approaches.

"It's okay," I assure her. "Table for three," I tell the hostess, hoping that she does not sit us anywhere near the 'golden couple'. Unfortunately, my hopes are pointless and we are seated a table away. I sit with my back toward them, but I can still hear them whispering.

The hostess gives Chloe some crayons and a coloring sheet so I help her color, thankful for something to do. Liv chuckles at the sight of us interacting. "You're going to be a great dad one day, Edward," she says wistfully.

The words aren't meant to hurt, but they do. The emotion must be evident on my face because Liv immediately begins apologizing. "I'm sorry," she says, softly. "I didn't mean..." This is not what I want to talk about, so I interrupt and let her know everything is okay.

Chloe serves as a great distraction for the rest of breakfast. I help her eat, steal a few bites of her waffles, and also share some of my eggs with her. When she's finished I help her clean her face. As a matter of fact, I'm so involved with Chloe that I'm surprised when Liv jumps up from the table.

"Hey, Liv," a familiar voice calls. I turn around to see Rose...and Emmett. Liv and Rose share a quick hug in greeting.

"Hey, Edward," Rose says with less enthusiasm. Emmett folds his arms over his chest and I can feel the tension roll off of him in waves.

"Hey, Rose... Emmett." I greet. I still have a hard time looking Emmett in the eye and it appears the feeling is mutual. Emmett's eyes dart toward mine and then behind me…to Bella. Whatever he sees causes him to relax a bit.

Rosalie grabs his elbow and smiles, completely at a loss for words. It's obvious they were meeting Bella and Riley for breakfast, even though Rose doesn't want to say that. I know I don't want to bring her up either. "Well, it was nice to see you guys," she finally says before they walk off to join Bella and Riley.

Shortly after that I pay the tab and we leave. On the way out I try not to notice Bella and Riley holding hands. Or Riley kissing her forehead. Or the glare Emmett shoots me.

After breakfast, we decide to take Chloe to the park. She takes off running towards the playground while Liv and I make ourselves comfortable on a nearby bench where we can see Chloe as she plays on the equipment.

After a few moments I reach over and take Liv's hand in mine. She pulls her hand away, then turns to me and asks, "What is this?" The question catches me off-guard, especially when I can't answer.

Liv looks back toward the playground and sighs before she speaks again. "I mean, don't get me wrong, Edward. I like you… a lot…but I also know what you're going through so I'm trying not to get too attached. That wouldn't be fair to me or you or Chloe. Just when I think I have a handle on things, you go and do something like hold my hand or make my ex look like the idiot he is or…kiss me. So again, what is this?"

"I don't know. I mean, I enjoy spending time with you. I look forward to it even," I try to explain. I don't know what it is exactly, but being with her gives me a moment of clarity from...everything. She isn't Izzy, but…

What am I saying? Izzy isn't even Izzy, and I really need to let her go.

"So, friends?' she asks.

"Do we really have to put a label on it?" The whine in my voice makes me sound as young as Chloe.

Liv tilts her head and gives me a look that clearly conveys we do need to put a label on it. "So, we're friends...is that correct?"

I nod reluctantly and she smiles.

"Are we friends who...kiss?" she asks with a note of uncertainty.

I smile back at her. "If that's what you want. I like you, Liv. If I didn't I wouldn't have asked to kiss you. And just so you know, I don't go around kissing lots of girls," I add. I want her know that I'm not a serial dater or a player. She laughs and pushes my shoulder. I grab her hand and pull her closer.

She stops laughing and looks into my eyes. "For future reference..you don't have to ask. Feel free to kiss me..."

She can't finish her statement because I go ahead and kiss her.

UtB

When I return home, I have a pile of art journals to critique. Out of all my students, there is only one I truly look forward to reading.

Bella's.

I always save her journal until the end because it's the one I spend the most time analyzing. She puts a lot of effort into her work; definitely more than the rest of the students.

Her work is also the most personal. I don't know if that's just the way Bella expresses herself, or because of whom I am to her. Regardless, it's the only thing I have to keep me connected to her right now. With it I can see inside of her, catch glimpses of her life.

A lot of her work has been...gray. There is even a page of a young boy sketched in pencil.

I love how she incorporates words and phrases in her art. Her latest quote is: "_All life is just a progression toward and then a recession from one phrase- 'I love you"._

Everything is so cryptic. I don't know if she is trying to tell me something or not. Sometimes I think she wants to share her feelings and this is the only way she can do that. Other times I'm afraid I'm just seeing what I want to see. Maybe these messages are all for someone…but that someone is Riley.

Normally I write comments back to the students about the journals, all encouraging because this is supposed to be about expressing their feelings through art. There is no right or wrong. It's simply an exercise to bring them to a more intimate level with art.

What I write back to Bella...is like a test. A response to a question I feel like she is asking. I pick up my pen and write a quote of my own.

"_April is over, April is over. There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice." _

**BPOV**

I'm out having fun with all the other kids after Homecoming. We are on the private beach in front of one of the many hotels the Biers' family owns along the southern New Jersey shore. I'm especially warm and I'm not sure if it's because of the fire that crackles on the beach or the shitty beer Riley has been serving me all night.

The crown still sits atop my head. I don't know why I still have it on. I don't really care about it. Maybe I like to pretend I care. Pretend that this all means...more than it actually does.

Riley holds me close, just like he has all night long. His hands are continually touching me. His lips always close to my neck.

"You staying tonight?" he whispers in my ear. Since the season is over, his parents blocked off a few rooms for anyone that wants to stay the night.

"I didn't bring anything..." I trail off. He hasn't even mentioned sex, which is good because I...well, it scares me. Not just because he isn't Edward, but because sex creates life. I always knew that, I just never truly understood the reality it before.

"Bell...I'm not asking you to do anything."

I roll my eyes. "Aren't you a seventeen year old boy?" I tease.

"Yeah...and you'd think that by dating an older woman I'd never have to ask," Riley implies sucking the spot right below my ear that drives me wild. I shove him off playfully.

We are silent for a moment. "Thanks, Riley. It means a lot that you are willing to be so patient with me," I tell him quietly.

"I know the baby wasn't mine, but it felt like it was. It scared me too. To be honest, I'm not really in a rush."

I reach up and place my palm against his cheek. "I don't think I tell you enough how amazing you are."

"You being here with me now...is enough." He leans down and places a kiss on my forehead and it feels like another stitch makes the hole in my soul a bit smaller.

UtB

Later that night James, Riley, Jessica and I all end up in the indoor pool in our underwear.

"That's a pretty hot tattoo, Bella," James comments, as I sit on the edge of the pool.

"Uh, thanks," I reply.

"Why not show us the whole thing?" He is being flirty but he basically asked me to take off my bra and push down my underwear, which I am thankful isn't a thong, otherwise this little swim would not be happening.

"I don't think so," I laugh. I play it off like it's a joke, but I know James would love for me to strip.

"Watch what you say to my girl, James," Riley jokes. He pulls me into the pool with him where I wrap my legs around his waist and smile as his mouth attacks my neck.

James yells out that we should get a room. There is only so much of James that I can handle so I say, "Sounds like a good idea to me." I pull Riley out of the pool and throw him a towel. We grab our clothes and head up to the sixth floor where our room is. Well, where his is supposed to be.

Riley's dad isn't dumb, but he puts on a good show, telling my mother that the girls would be on the fourth floor and the boys on the sixth. Riley also told me that his dad bought him a shitload of condoms, so he doesn't 'knock anymore girls up'. I think Mr. Biers even had the nerve to tell my mother I should be on birth control, which I am now.

Once we're in Riley's room he throws me an extra t-shirt and some sweatpants. As we get ready for bed I mention that Emmett and Rose are in town and want to have breakfast with us in the morning. Riley easily agrees as he and Emmett like each other.

"Sweet dreams, my queen." Riley says with a ki-ss on my nose.

I turn my body towards him to snuggle closer. "You too, Ri," I yawn.

UtB

The next morning, we go straight to the diner. I regret that momentarily when I realize Emmett will see me in my boyfriend's clothes. Since we didn't actually have sex I get over that issue pretty quickly. Emmett will just have to deal with it.

Riley and I cuddle close as we drink our coffee. He laughs hysterically at the number of sugar packets I put in mine. I poke him in the side for making fun of me and then rest my head against him to apologize.

Our bubble of coziness is popped as the bells above the door jingle signally another customer has entered the small diner. I glance up to see what looks like a picture perfect family. Well, it would be if it didn't include Edward.

I tense up and try to remember that this is what I wanted. I asked for this, for him to let me go to be a kid, specifically because we wouldn't be able to do stuff like this. We could not go out on dates or go get breakfast at the diner. He can't hug me in public or even hold my hand for that matter.

I try to swallow back my anger and just forget how close by they are, on their perfect little date, just five feet away from me. I overhear Ms. Remy tell Edward he'd be such a great father...and then she apologizes.

I'm still fuming when Emmett and Rose come in. Emmett seems...happy about how close Riley and I are, even if that means I am wearing his clothes.

"Congrats," Emmett says with a big smile, referring to our Homecoming king and queen status.

"Thanks," I reply with a shrug. Riley makes some comment about how I am the prettiest girl in the school so it was impossible for me to lose. I roll my eyes at his compliment. I just want to downplay the entire thing.

Rose asks to see my camera and starts flipping through the pictures from the night before. She points a few of the shots out to Emmett. "You two are so cute," she says over and over. She's laying it on a bit too think if you ask me. She clearly wants me to see that I made the right choice when I pushed Edward out of my life.

They start asking Riley about college. "Riley got an early acceptance into NYU. His father and grandfather went to school there. Their family donates tons of money..." I trail off.

Talking about college kinda makes me sad. Unless I go to Pratt, Riley and I won't be together. Pratt isn't my first choice, though. Chicago Art Institute is. I know I can't make life choices based on a boyfriend. I have to start living for myself.

At the rate I am going, I won't get into either school. Even if I do get accepted I don't know how I will afford it. Sure we own a hotel, but it doesn't make us rich. One hotel that operates three months out of the year makes enough for the year, not enough for college.

The whole idea of life after high school scares me. The prospect of getting a job to support myself makes me shudder. I mean, Emmett was lucky to get into construction work and make a good living for himself. If I don't go to college, what will I do? Help my mom with the hotel for the rest of my life?

I can see it now: Some version of me, ten years older but still acting like a kid. I'm pining after the successful, good looking vice principal of Wildwood High School, who is way too good for me, and has a beautiful wife and step daughter and probably a few of his own kids by then. Edward is going to be an amazing father someday, and his someday is going to be a lot sooner than mine.

And what about me? In this future I am hopelessly single. No kids. No boyfriend or husband. Just me and the Twilight Hotel, stuck in the past, always trying to relive my glory days. Thanks, but no thanks.

"Babe? Are you there?" I look up to see Riley staring at me, concern furrowing his brow.

"Sorry. Must have spaced out," I admit with an embarrassed smile.

"It's okay. Are you done? You hardly touched your food."

I look down at my less than half eaten French toast. "Yeah. It was filling," I lie. The truth is that the moment Edward walked in the door with her...I lost my appetite.

UtB

I get to school Monday morning and for some reason, things feel off today. I'm not sure why; nothing is really out of place but it's not exactly normal either. Of course, when does anyone feel normal in high school?

Riley overslept so I drove myself today. Now I'm trying to wrestle the combination lock on my locker into submission. "Left twenty...fuck," I mutter to myself when it doesn't open. I groan and I give up, resting my head against the locker door with a slight bang. The thing appears to hate me so I usually take advantage of the fact that Riley opens it for me.

I take a deep breath and lift my head so I can pull out my phone. I shoot Riley a text. _I need you. My locker's being obstinate._

_Five minutes, just pulled in, _he responds almost immediately.

I turn around and lean against the offending locker. There is nothing else I can do until Riley gets here and shows the crazy thing who's the boss.

As I wait impatiently, James comes strutting up. "Have fun this weekend?" he asks, leaning against the locker next to me.

I turn my face slightly to look up at him. "Yeah, it was decent."

"Just decent?" he teases, cocking an eyebrow in surprise. He licks his lips and leans closer to me. "Why don't you let me take you out? I can show you more than decent."

"Let me count the reasons why I wouldn't go out with you..." I say as I roll my eyes. He moves even closer and I put my hand against his chest to push him back. "Ever hear of personal space, James?"

"Come on, Bella. We all know how easy you are and how Riley doesn't give a shit who you fuck as long as you come back to him." He keeps a smile on his face and his voice low so he doesn't draw attention to us.

I don't even know what to say. I feel like crying, but I don't want to give James that satisfaction. I look over his shoulder and notice Edward watching the whole interaction. That brings me a bit of strength, so I bring my eyes back to James and tell him, "Fuck off."

James laughs darkly before he says, "Ya know what? I don't think I'd want some slut who had an abortion anyway." His voice is loud enough for everyone in the hall to hear and as I look around I notice Edward walking toward us.

"Fuck you James!" I yell and move to push him away. "I didn't…"

Before my hands make contact with James, Riley is standing between us. He throws a punch square on James jaw, knocking him to the floor. Edward moves toward us faster, but Riley gets a few more punches in.

"Break it up!" Edward yells, trying to break through the crowd of onlookers. He glances at me, and he looks...sad. For a split second I see love in his eyes, too. I hope he can see the same thing in mine before he's occupied by the fight. "Boys!" he yells again, grabbing Riley by the arms to pull him off James.

Riley continues to struggle. When he realizes he won't be getting any more punches off he yells, "Don't you fucking talk about her like that!" at James.

Edward tells the crowd of students to get to class or they will all see him in Saturday school. As the crowd breaks up he directs Riley and James to his office.

Edward takes James into his office first, leaving Riley and me to sit out with Mrs. Cope. "You okay?" he whispers.

"He just..." I don't know how to finish that statement. Instead I wipe furiously at the tears that are falling down my face. "This is so stupid," I scoff, trying to laugh off the hurt.

"He's a jerk," Riley says, comfortingly. "Don't let him bother you."

But it does bother me. The whole thing bothers me. I'm not just referring to the fact that he called me a slut or abortion rumors either, but that James is right about Riley. Riley will take any part of me that I am willing to give him.

James exits Edward's office, attempting to convey a cocky attitude. From what I can gather in the conversation around us, Edward has suspended him.

Edward looks over and notices that I'm still in the office. "Ms. Swan, do you need a note for class? There's no reason for you to wait here."

"I was hoping to speak with you...Mr. Cullen."

"Fine. I'll be with you in a moment. Riley," Edward says, motioning for Riley to enter his office.

I whisper to Riley to be nice. I know he is pissed and most of his anger is directed at Edward for getting me pregnant and leaving us to deal with problems. These rumors of abortions and promiscuity are just part of that package.

I bounce my leg impatiently as I wait for them to finish. Time feels like it's passing at a snail's pace.

Mrs. Cope's voice surprises me. "Dear, you're not going to have any nails left if you keep doing that." I hadn't even realized that I was biting my nails. I take my finger out of my mouth and smile at her.

"Mr. Cullen is a very fair man," she continues. "I'm sure he won't be too hard on your boyfriend."

"You're right. He is...a fair man," I respond.

When Riley finally comes out he looks...annoyed. "I don't need any favors," he says over his shoulder as he walks away from Edward.

"It's not a favor, Mr. Biers. If you don't want to do it, you don't have to. It seems like a fitting punishment to me though," Edward replies. "Mrs. Cope, could you please write Riley a note to his next class?"

Mrs. Cope nods and begins to write.

Edward turns his attention toward me. "Are you ready Bella?"

I nod and look at Riley one more time before I walk into Edward's office. Riley's expression is conflicted. I wonder if he's upset that I am going into _his_ office alone. I look away and keep walking though. It's almost like...I need to.

Edward offers me the seat in front of his desk as he sits down in his own chair. "What can I help you with, Bella?" His attitude is all business. I need my Edward...and he is gone.

"You suspended James...but not Riley? I don't get it."

"There is a zero tolerance policy in place for name calling, Bella."

I raise my brows and ask, "And for violence?"

Edward leans forward on his desk and looks me right in my eyes. I have to close my eyes against the intensity of his stare. "Riley has taken enough heat for problems that he didn't create. I don't approve of the fighting, but I'm also not okay adding to his troubles either. And honestly, if he hadn't punched James, I'm not sure I would have been able to hold myself back."

His answer surprises me and I open my eyes again. "So...what's Riley's punishment?" I question.

Edward pauses for an extra second before looking down at his desk and answering. "_Our Town_ was in need of a George."

"Oh. So you did Ms. Remy a favor," I snap sarcastically. I stand up, beyond mad. "Riley was right, we don't need any favors from you."

"Iz," he whispers.

"Bella," I remind him with more force than necessary.

"You can't have it both ways."

I look up at the ceiling because I can't bear to look at him right now. "Does she know?" I ask.

"Does she know what?"

I look him square in the eyes, noting the confusion on his face. "Does she know," I pause as I lean down and brace my arms on his desk, "that she will never be enough?" I know I sound conceited, but it's the truth. I see the shock register on his face as he realizes the truth, too. He can't even come up with an answer.

I lean down to pick up my bag and back away from his desk, keeping eye contact the whole time. As I reach for the doorknob I shamelessly throw the last bit of truth I have. "Because at least Riley knows."

With that I throw open the door. Mrs. Cope watches as I storm out of his office. For the second time.

**Edward and Bella love still to come! Don't leave us! Review for a teaser. A HEA is in store. **

**We have about 40 chapters planned. Love you all! And lots of love to the woman strong enough to endure this! **


	16. Chapter 16

**SM Owns. **

**Huge love to the girls on FB, My2galspal, and Becky. **

**So yeah, Breaking Dawn pictures? I literally fell downstairs looking at them.**

**Chapter 16: If You Love Something...**

**BPOV**

As I stand next to Riley at my locker I can tell he's still furious about the incident with James.

"...and who the fuck is Mr. Cullen to think he needs to do me any favors?" he grinds out through clenched teeth.

I almost panic when Edward walks past us and into the art room right at that moment. I push Riley's shoulder to get him to stop his rant. If Edward overhears he just might decide to take back that favor that Riley is sure he doesn't need.

"Ri, if he gave you an actual punishment it would mess up your record. I know you don't like him," I pause when Riley looks at me with a raised eyebrow as if to say that is the understatement of the century, "but just for me, will you try to be decent toward him? He's really trying to make things easier for you."

Riley huffs and shrugs before answering, "Anything for you, babe."

"Your mom already hates me. If she got a call that you were suspended for defending my honor..."

"She'd deal," he interrupts with a cocky grin as he reaches for my hand. He tugs gently and we start toward my next class. Once we reach the door he leans down to kiss me before he turns to walk away. I know Edward is already in the classroom and I can feel his eyes on us the whole time.

I take my seat as the bell rings. I look to Edward and see that he is all business right now. There is no fun light in his eyes and no friendly or teasing comments to the students as he hands back our art journals. I hate that he is a completely different person at work than the person I knew this summer.

He doesn't even look at me as he puts my journal down on the table I sit at. I'm interested to see what, if anything, he had to say about my work so I open the book and flip quickly through the pages, looking for his handwriting. The words I find leave me completely confused. April is over? Never the same love twice? What is he trying to tell me? I look up from the page and search for Edward, as if his eyes could answer all my questions. I find him staring directly back at me with an intense, yet answer-less, expression. His gaze makes me uncomfortable so I look away quickly, still trying to make sense of his words.

Seconds later, Edward clears his throat and really starts class. "So for those of you volunteering to work on the set of _Our Town, _we need to schedule some work time_._ I apologize for the late notice but it has to be done soon. We can vote on working for a couple hours after school for several days or we can knock a big chunk of it out this Saturday."

There's a murmur through the classroom. I honestly prefer Saturday and it sounds like the majority of the volunteers agree with me. Edward asks for a show of hands and it's decided.

Saturday it is.

UtB

The rest of the week passes quickly. As the weekend approaches I get more nervous about spending Saturday with Edward. Friday night I decide to stay in and look over the set plans again. I'll be painting a the landscape, and making 3-d shaped trees.

Who am I kidding? I'm really trying to refocus myself on anything that isn't Edward.

Riley comes over to visit. When he sees the set sketches he mentions that he's still bummed about being drafted into the play, but that he is happy he didn't get suspended.

We eventually pop in a Harry Potter DVD because there's nothing else to do. I must fall asleep at some point because the next thing I know Riley is waking me up to say goodnight.

"I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow?" I nod and he kisses my forehead before he lets himself out.

The next time I wake it's because I hear my phone ringing. I reach for it and find I have two texts from Riley.

"_Babe, where are you?" _and _"Call me or I'm coming over."_

Confused by the messages, I finally roll over to look at the clock. I'm shocked wide awake when I realize it's twelve and that I was supposed to be at school at nine.

"Shit!" I exclaim, jumping out of bed. I can't believe Renee didn't wake me. Actually, I'm not that surprised, she still doesn't pay that much attention to me.

I quickly pull on the first clothes I find which happen to be jean shorts, one of Riley's undershirts, flip flops, and a zip-up hoodie. I gather the set plans into a messy stack and shove them in my bag. Last but not least, I grab my phone before I head for the door. I'm in such a rush that I don't even notice Phil until I run straight into him and practically fall to the floor.

"Whoa," he says with a chuckle as he grabs my arms to steady me. "Where's the fire, Bella?"

"I'm late," I snap. "I was supposed be at school by nine."

"Well, drive safely," he calls as I grab my keys and run out the door.

I think about calling Edward to explain but decide the distraction of being on the phone is a bad idea since I'm in a hurry. I reach the school parking lot in record time. I park next to Riley's car and head to the auditorium at a dead run. I slow down to open the door and take off running again. Just a few steps inside the door I hit a wall and fall down, dropping all my things. I curse when I realize that the wall is actually Edward.

"Are you all right, Ms. Swan?" he asks, offering his hand to help me up.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Cullen. I forgot to set an alarm," I try to explain between pants.

I ignore his hand and jump back to my feet. He picks my bag up and holds it out to me. I grab for the strap and look up to thank him. As our eyes meet, I see several feelings pass through his expression. Love, pain, and sadness are written all over his face and it makes me want to wrap my arms around him in comfort.

Then, I remember the truth of the situation. I think back on this past week and the anger I feel whenever I think about how close Edward and Liv are; even though I have no right.

I grab the strap of my bag and throw it back on my shoulder. "I'll just go get started," I mumble and walk away. Edward doesn't say anything else.

Riley is in the hallway with his head down, concentrating on his phone, as I walk toward him.

"Hey, Riley," I call out.

His head snaps up at the sound of my voice and I read the relief on his face. "Jesus, I was so worried! I seriously thought of coming to find you, but when I called Renee she said you overslept and were on your way," he says, walking toward me. Once he's close enough, he wraps his arms around me in a tight hug.

"I'm fine," I reassure him just before his lips meet mine for a kiss.

A throat clears behind us. I don't have to look to know that it's Edward. The air around us is thick and charged.

"I have to get to work," I explain.

Riley nods in understanding. "I'm done with rehearsal even though Kelsey is still working on her lines. Cam's coming home later so I have to go now. Call me?" he asks, casting his eyes over my shoulder.

"K. Tell Cam I said hi." I give Riley a peck on the cheek and he squeezes my hand before walking away.

I walk through the auditorium doors, waving to Kelsey and Ben as they study lines. I head straight to the back of the stage and I find Edward and Ms. Remy deep in conversation. Their words falter for a moment as they both look at me. With an eye roll in their direction I walk into the supply room to pull the things I need. I leave my bag and jacket tucked in the corner before I head onto the stage to start…well, ignoring Edward and Ms. Remy.

After thirty minutes I step back to see the whole backdrop. So far I have the sky and clouds painted. I'm pretty lost in the job so I jump in surprise as I hear Edward say, "Looks good," from behind me.

"Thanks."

"Want some help?" He asks, his voice level quite so as not to disturb the students practicing lines. The volunteers that came on time this morning have all left and the two of us would definitely finish faster so I nod. We work in silence, just listening to the lines the actors are reciting.

"_But I won't live over a sad day. I'll choose a happy one – I'll choose the day I first knew that I loved George. Why should that be painful?" _Kelsey recites.

My chest tightens and from the corner of my eye I see Edward's brush strokes falter for just a second. I risk a glance at him, but when he looks up at me I turn away.

After another half hour I hear Ms. Remy announce, "Okay, I think we're done. There's not much more we can do without Riley."

Kelsey and Ben walk out of the auditorium, calling goodbyes on the way. Ms Remy stays for a few minutes and makes small talk about the work being accomplished. Things begin to feel awkward in the room. It's as if she doesn't know where she stands. I'm not sure Edward does either after what I unloaded on Monday. It's not long before Ms. Remy is saying her goodbyes, too.

"And then there were two..." Edward teases, casting a smile at me. I smile back at him.

The atmosphere seems so fragile. The two of us alone is such a_ bad _idea. I want to touch him, although I'm not sure if I want to reach out and stroke his beautiful face...or slap it. We continue to paint in silence, and I use my mixed up emotions as motivation.

Edward's voice breaks the silence to ask, "So, how are you holding up, Izzy?" I look up and notice he's moved closer to me. That fact, coupled with the tension in the room, causes me to snap.

"Really? How am I holding up? And stop calling me Izzy. I can't take it anymore!" I scream as I throw my paint brush down on the floor.

"Hey," he says calmingly, and he's so, so close. His hand brushes my cheek, pushing a strand of hair back from my face. I slap his hand and pull away.

Words pour from my mouth without any real thought. "I feel empty because there's a part of me missing. And you're here but you're not. I can see you, but I can't touch you or kiss you and I'm dying too. I bet _she_ gets to, doesn't she?" I finish, waving my arm toward the door Ms. Remy walked out of earlier.

"So does _he,_" Edward says with a glare. Then he pauses and turns his back to me. I see him run his hand through his hair, a sure sign he's frustrated. After a moment he turns back to me with a determined look in his eyes. He moves closer to me so I step backward. He reaches his arm out as if to touch me, but I can't let that happen. I hold my hands in front of me, willing him to stop but he just keeps coming.

"No," I growl as I put my hands against his chest and push him away.

Edward stops and sighs. "I can't say I'm empty. I'm filled with so much emotion and everything hurts. It's only a dull ache when you're around though." With that he moves toward me again.

His persistence causes me to lose my temper and I push him again, harder this time. With a bit more room between us I decide to ask about his comment in my art journal. "What did you mean about April being over?"

"Exactly what you meant, Bella. What I feel for you, I will never feel about anybody else."

I throw my arms out in frustration. "You can't say stuff like that to me! I don't know how to be enough for you!" I scream, right before I shove him again, not because he's in my space this time but because I'm angry. I'm not even angry with him. I actually feel like if anyone deserves my anger, it's me.

"All you have to do is say the words," he tries to explain, like I know what that means.

"What are you talking about, Edward? What words? Huh?" I push him several more times as I rant, each one harder than the last. He just takes the abuse until he's backed up against the wall we have been painting.

"I'd wait. You know I would," he says, kicking over paint cans as he steps toward me again.

"Are you kidding? No! Don't be insane, Edward." I raise my arms to shove him again but this time he stops me by grabbing my wrists.

"Stop," he says forcefully.

Before I can pull away or tell him to let go he does the one thing I've wanted him to do for the last couple of months. He kisses me, desperately, and his lips against mine are full of need and desire. It feels so right while we both know it's so wrong. He picks me up, and my legs automatically wrap around his waist. In one fast move he spins us around and pushes me into the wall. My back hits with a thud, knocking some of the air from my lungs and making my breath even more ragged.

"Stop. We should stop," he mumbles down my neck between kisses. There's no real weight behind his words though.

"We shouldn't be doing this. Not here," I add as I push my hands under his shirt to feel the warmth of his skin. It's such a contrast to the cool paint I feel seeping through the fabric of my shirt.

"Can't. Don't wanna stop," he moans as he grinds his hips against me. He moves his hands to the hem of my shirt and pulls it off. "I hate seeing you in his clothes," he says through gritted teeth before he leans in to kiss me again. We only break apart so I can lift off his shirt.

His hands are everywhere. He can't seem to make up his mind about where he should touch or kiss me first. His lips finally settle on my chest, sucking and nipping at my nipples.

As Edward holds me up with one arm his other hand battles with the closures of my shorts. "Need to feel you," he groans as he pushes his hand beneath the waistband of my underwear to touch my slick flesh.

"Missed you. So much." I moan as his fingers tease me.

"I want you…so badly," he says, he voice needy.

"I'm yours. Always. No going back though," I pant, as if this statement will be enough to shock us into stopping.

He sets my feet on the ground but instead of stopping he only murmurs the word, "Off," against my lips as he pushes my shorts and underwear down my legs. I step out of them and he immediately lifts me and holds me against the wall again.

I move my hands to the fly of his jeans. "I don't have anything on me," he says.

"I'm on the pill," I admit.

An awful thought bursts into my head suddenly and I realize I can't do this if he is sleeping with her. "I haven't been with anyone since you though." I hope my admission will lead him to offer the information I need.

He looks directly into my eyes and responds, "Neither have I."

For one second we are still, both thinking about that information. Then together, we move his pants and boxers just far enough out of our way. I need to touch him, so I reach out and stroke him a couple of times. He grunts and grabs my free hand, intertwines our fingers together and presses them into the wet paint on the wall above my head. With my other hand I line the tip of him up with my entrance. My legs tighten around his waist. I rest my forehead on his as he pushes completely inside me.

"Home," he whispers, staying still for just a minute. As he begins to move inside me, giving and taking, I kiss him deeply and run my hands through his hair. "No one else. There will never be anyone else. Only you," he breathes out against my skin.

In this moment, everything feels so good, so right. "I love you," I whisper against his ear. One more thrust and he stills. I know he's there. All his strength gone, he sinks to the floor with my legs still wrapped around him, both of us breathing heavily. I can feel the stickiness of the paint everywhere. He pushes my hair behind my ear and kisses me.

"Come back to my place so we can talk?" he asks softly, unsure of what my answer will be. As if I have any choice. I don't have to think about my response, I just nod.

We separate and gather our clothes, giving each other unsure looks as we re-dress. Where the hell does this leave us?

As I pick up Riley's shirt, which is now covered in blue handprints, I feel a pinch of guilt. He doesn't deserve this. I don't dwell on the thought long as Edward takes the shirt from my hands and tosses it in the trash before bringing me my jacket from the supply room. Once clothed, we clean up as much as possible, but both of us are tired and eventually we decide to leave.

Before we exit the building I say, "I'll meet you at your house." He nods and gives me a kiss on the forehead. We walk out the door and each head to our own cars.

I drive to his house and pull in the garage. He's waiting there to lead me upstairs, and into his bathroom. He turns on the water and we undress each other.

I'm captivated by the sight of him and realize just how much I've missed him. We take time to relearn each other's body with gentle touches. My favorite part is when he washes my hair and lets me wash his. The colors that coated us wash away and spiral down the drain.

This time together is quiet. The only words spoken are of how we missed each other. Of how much he loves me. That he is willing to wait for me.

This last statement hangs heavily over my heart. How can I love him so much and still find a way to tell him that the thought of him giving up his own chance at happiness kills me.

Once we are clean and dry Edward carries me to his bed where we lay down and snuggle together.

"Please don't leave without waking me," he whispers. "I'm having such a hard time believing that I'm not dreaming."

"We're definitely awake," I reply as I lay my head on his chest and enjoy the feel of his fingers running through my hair. After and few quiet moments I think I know what I want to say to him.

"Edward, I want you to be happy."

"I am happy," he replies quickly.

"No. I mean I don't want you to spend your life waiting for me. There's so much I have to do, to learn and time changes people. I think..." I swallow back the sickening feeling and try to finish before I lose my nerve. What I say next is so painful it almost feels like swallowing bits of broken glass. "I want you to do what's best for you without worrying about me and I think Ms Remy could be good for you. She could make you happy."

"You could be right, but that doesn't mean it'll ever be enough. She may not be able to make me as happy as you do."

"Your happiness means everything to me. I've taken so much from you and I can't keep doing that. I want to give you the opportunity to find what makes you happy." I lift my hand and place it on his chest, right over his heart, so I can feel his heartbeat.

Edward sighs heavily. "If I have to live without you I'll never be happy."

"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it," I quote.

I feel his chest rumble with laughter under my cheek. "Buffy again?" he teases. The seriousness of the moment is gone, and I'm glad because now I feel a comfort between us that hasn't been there since our time together this summer.

I poke his side and make him squirm. "Joss was a genius. You would do well to remember that."

He pulls me closer and in one last bit of seriousness says, "I need you to be happy, too. Whatever happens after tonight…remember me, okay? "

I look up at his face and answer, "Always."

He kisses my forehead and tucks my head back down to his chest. We continue to whisper words of love a bit longer. Eventually I fall asleep to the soothing sound of his voice.

**EPOV**

I expect her to be gone when I wake up this morning. I went to bed under the assumption that she would indeed sneak off again, but she didn't. There she is, still sleeping peacefully, wrapped in my arms.

As I watch her sleep my cell phone rings. I pick up the phone to see who is calling. Liv's name flashes on the display. I push ignore and shut the phone off so we won't be bothered again.

As content as I am at this moment, the disturbing truth is that there is a beautiful, captivating, intelligent woman, who just happens to be one of my teenage students, in my bed. Another truth is that I want to keep her here forever. Just because I want to do something doesn't mean that I can though.

I rub the sleep from my eyes and slide out of bed to go to the bathroom. When I return, Bella is sitting propped against the headboard, wrapped in my sheet, and looking sheepishly at me.

"Good morning," I offer in greeting.

"Is it really?" she questions with a raised eyebrow. She looks down at the sheet and becomes interest in picking at a piece of imaginary lint. "Seems like there's too much left unsaid for it to be a good morning. We won't ever move on if we don't find some sort of closure."

"What if I'm okay with leaving things open?" I question, climbing back into the bed with her.

"Edward, this is wrong right now."

"Right now?" I repeat. I can't deny the hope her statement sparks inside me. "So, are you saying that one day this could be right?"

She looks up at me. "Perfect even," she says with a nod.

I reach for her hand that's been toying with the sheets. "Then ask me to wait," I plead.

"I can't ask you to do that, Edward. You want me to ask you to put your life on hold for the possibility of a future relationship? It would fill me with guilt and I wouldn't truly be able to move on either."

"You aren't just a possibility to me."

Bella laughs softly. "I know it's a cliché, Edward, but as the old saying goes, if you love something set it free..."

"If it comes back..." I trail off.

Bella shakes her head minutely. "But if it doesn't leave? I can't put my life on hold and expect to become the woman you deserve. I won't ever become _her_ without living a life, making mistakes, and figuring out what makes me happy. I need to make my own path before I can share one with somebody else. It would be wrong and selfish of me to ask you to stand still while I'm off exploring."

"This isn't something you're imposing upon me, Bella; it's something I'm offering of my own free will. It's my choice," I tell her, tapping my chest to emphasize my words.

Bella reaches out and places her hand on my chest, right over the area I was just abusing with my sharp fingers. I can see by her posture that this truthfulness is causing her a great deal of pain. "As much as it hurt me to see you at the diner with Liv...it would hurt me more to know you were alone, waiting for me to return as something I'm not sure I can ever be for you." I see the pressure she would live with everyday if I don't let go.

" But I'd take you just the way you are right now," I remind her.

"I can't give you who I am right now. I'm not..."

"Baked. I know," I finish. I know that she can and will grow, unless I stand in her way. And if I do, then eventually what we have would not be enough. It would crumble around us and what I want so badly would turn to dust in my hand…all because of my inability to let go.

"Just try to be happy, okay. When the time comes…and if it's meant to be…it will happen." Bella cups my face and smiles at me. She's not being fair because she knows I can deny her nothing when she smiles like that. "At least we will be able to look back and say we weren't completely miserable while we waited. It will hurt me so much more to know you spent the time in between just...surviving."

I take Bella's hand in mine and ask, "Does Riley...make you happy?" I think I deserve to know, just as I think she deserves to know about the feelings I have for Liv.

"Riley…" She pauses to collect her thoughts. "Well, he makes life without you more bearable. I'm not saying I don't care about him and I'm not just using him to make myself feel better. He cares for me, too. We both know that his feelings for me are more intense than my feelings for him. He also knows that there is no way he could ever fill the space you hold inside of me. I love him...in a rational way." Her eyes dart around the room the whole time she speaks, almost as if she's a bit embarrassed to share these feeling with me.

She takes a deep breath and then continues. "The way I love you is completely uncontrollable. That love overrules any rhyme or reason. It causes me do things I'm not proud of, clouds my judgment, and makes me selfish. There has to be a balance between those two loves, right?" I nod in encouragement and squeeze her hand in mine. "I have to find the right way to love, the healthy way that merges my brain and my heart."

"Things with Liv are probably about the same," I share, "Except the love part," I want to clarify, I may find myself falling for her, but not falling in love with her. I keep watching her expression to see how she will react. I'm not sure it's right to tell her any of this, but the fact of the matter is, it's not right for her to be in my bed right now either. What's one more sin added to our list?

"Liv knows how deeply I care for you. I'm not sure she's as aware of the truth as Riley, though. We are…"

I trail off, at a loss for words at the moment. She made it look so easy when she told me about Riley, but I'm having a very difficult time trying to talk to her about this. She was strong enough to tell me about Riley so I continue, hoping that I can be honest without being hurtful. "We are not in a relationship but we are definitely more than friends. Neither of us is willing to jump into anything more serious for the obvious reasons, namely you and Chloe."

"But she makes you happy?" Bella asks.

"Yeah," I answer with a nod. It's hard to admit all of this to Bella. In a perfect world, with clear emotions, none of this would be possible. Of course, in a perfect world we wouldn't need to have this conversation in the first place.

As if Bella can read my mind she suddenly says, "Nothing is black and white." At once I understand all the gray she has been using in her journal. "Promise me you won't let any bit of happiness escape."

I reach over and stroke her check with my thumb. "Can we live a lie for just one more day?"

She closes her eyes and leans into my touch. I kiss her eyelids and taste the salt from her tears.

"Why do we cling to what's gone?" she asks.

I hold her face and wait for her to open her eyes before I answer. The look in her big tear filled eyes is awful. "Hope. Hope that you will eventually find something worthy. That life will lead you to some joy."

"Then we need to let go," she whimpers. "That hope has to be enough."

She might be right but I can't let her walk out yet. I'm not ready to say goodbye so I speak to her in a way she will understand. I speak to her as she spoke to me every week in her art journal. The words are meaningful and now I know that she clearly meant them for me. "_I just want to know you moved and breathed in the same world as me_."

"_So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past_," she whispers as her mouth meets mine for a tender kiss.

"What's one more lie?" she sighs, surrendering to me with her rhetorical question as I move my mouth along her jaw.

We move together. Slowly. Carefully. When her name escapes my lips, it's Bella that I call out, not Izzy. I kiss every freckle on her body, knowing every one of them by heart. I start with the small light brown ones that years of sitting on the beach created on her nose. I move on to the mark on her neck just behind her ear, then the ones across her shoulders, and down to the one that sits on the inside of her wrist. There is a very faint one on her knee, and I save my favorite, the one inside her right thigh, for last. I kiss it gently, then swirl my tongue around it while my hands greedily feel the silkiness of her legs.

I smell her desire, and the way her hands massage my scalp let me know that she is just as desperate as I am. My lips brush across each of her hip bones. Next my tongue dips into her belly button and finally I move lower and I taste her. I remind myself to savor her, just in case I never taste her again. I know exactly how she likes my tongue to work against her, inside of her. She never had to tell me with words. I learned what she liked by listening as her body spoke to me.

I look up at her, unable to take my mouth away from her. Her breathing isn't labored but she couldn't utter a word if she wanted to. She holds her breath, waiting for me to give her something no one else can. Something more than sexual pleasure. A connection. A spark.

Her teeth dig into her bottom lip, turning it white and she yanks me up her body. She kisses me passionately and I'm sure she can taste herself on my mouth. She takes control and I'm on my back in an instant. She looks straight into my eyes as she hovers above me, and then slowly she lowers herself onto me. She moves over me until she calls out my name in ecstasy, her face buried in my neck, nails digging into my flesh. Bella rises and moves down my body to take me in her mouth just as she knows I'm about to finish. I bury my hands in her silky hair and I fill her mouth as she swallows around my shaft.

UtB

As I watch Bella move around the place I call home in nothing but my button down shirt I can't stop smiling. When she reaches up into the kitchen cabinet for a glass the shirt raises to expose a small portion of her bottom. I reach over and pinch the skin causing her to yelp. She turns quickly and swats at my hand but I'm already out of her reach. I can tell she's not really angry by the playful smirk on her face.

"Sorry," I tease, backing away with my hands up in surrender. I walk over and sit on the couch where I can watch her. She moves so naturally that I know she must be comfortable in my home. That thought makes me extremely happy in this moment.

Last night in the darkness we spoke the truth. Now we know the realities, but this lie is too sweet to let go yet. I wonder how we can find the closure we need to move on with our lives by living this lie, even if it is only for one day.

Thinking back I remember that she was so angry yesterday. I want to ask her why, but then the lie would be lost. I do worry about her though. I worry about how or even if she is dealing with the loss of the baby. I gladly took every hit and shove she doled out yesterday, hoping it would help her work through some feelings she seems to be hiding. Luckily she won't be too far from me and I'll be able to watch her, just in case there comes a time when those emotions refuse to stay buried.

I return to the moment and see her smile at me from across the room as she sips her drink. After a bit of staring she finally walks over, places her drink on the coffee table, and straddles my lap. I reach up and push her hair over her shoulders as she runs her hands up my chest and around my neck.

"Hi," she whispers flirtatiously.

"Hello," I respond with a peck to her lips.

"It's getting late," she notes with a hint of sadness.

I look out the window to the left of us and nod my head at the setting sun. We have been sheltering ourselves from the real world, trying to ignore the fact that this day would come to an end, and that the very real, very true conversation we had the night before would have to take effect. We really do have to let go of each other. Bella is right about the fact that it is the only way to find each other again one day. We can't even set a timeline or think about a possible end point. If we did that we would just sit around waiting for that day. And if it was still too soon when that day arrived, then what? The reality would be devastating.

She cradles my face and turns it away from the window and back toward her. "No more what ifs," she whispers, looking into my eyes.

"No more lies," I whisper back, giving her all my attention.

"I can't promise not to be jealous, but I'll be okay as long as you're happy."

"Same here. Don't be scared to take chances and experience as much as you can. I loved being able to travel and be on my own. And don't be afraid if you eventually realize," I pause to swallow back my grief, "that I'm not your Mr. Perfect."

A single tear rolls down her cheek and I reach out to wipe it away. "You will always be my Mr. Perfect." I can tell that her statement is completely honest but the sad truth is that she wants to grow up and often times our ideals change as we do.

"Don't be afraid to love. Your heart is too big and too wonderful to keep it hidden." She places her hand over my heart. I place my hand on top of hers and we just stare and them.

After a bit of quiet I use my free hand to lift her chin and focus her eyes back on me. "Stop procrastinating. Send out your college applications. You are too talented to inherit your mother's life. Whatever is here when you leave will still be here when and if you return."

"Maybe not everything, you can't wait," she argues.

"No, but I can hope," I reply with a smirk.

I take her hand in mine so I can hold her just a bit longer and to make sure I have her attention, because what I have to say next may be very hard for her to hear. "Bella, no matter what happens, don't be afraid to come to me if you ever need anything. When you need to talk about the baby, because I really think you will someday, remember that I'm here for you. If you don't want to talk to me that's fine too, but don't bury those feelings so deeply that you can't dig them out when you need to." She doesn't say anything, just nods in agreement.

Her chin begins to quiver as more tears fall. I pull her into a tight hug and stroke her hair. After everything that is said I feel like Izzy is gone, but now I have a piece of Bella to tuck away for someday.

I hold her in my arms until the sky outside is pitch black. My chest tightens when she finally gathers the strength to pull away, forcing me to let go. I stay on the couch when she goes upstairs to get dressed and once she returns I stand in the doorway and watch her drive away.

I close the door with lots of promises and no regrets. Just acceptance of reality is left.

In order to keep myself occupied for the moment, I allow myself to consider the reality that we ruined all the work Bella did on the set Saturday. I can't let Liv see it so I pull on a pair of old jeans and head to school to make sure there are no signs of what happened.

The work keeps me distracted as I have to paint the entire wall white again, then repaint the part of the landscape Bella had completed. It takes me all night. I leave when the sun comes up and notice I have just enough time to get home, shower, and come back.

I turn my phone on as I return home and it alerts me that I have several voice mails and missed text messages. Some are from Liv but most are from my family. I normally talk to my family every Sunday. Of course, not even my family could have made me miss a moment with Bella.

I think things with Bella will be less tense now. We don't have to wonder what or how the other person feels anymore. We know, and I think it will make the air between us lighter.

Liv is another matter though. I need to talk to her and set things straight. I need to figure out a way to tell Liv that even though I enjoy her company and am attracted to her, I don't know how much of myself I can give her. I know I promised Bella that I wouldn't wait, but I didn't promise her I would move on. I need to make sure Liv understands because I don't want to hurt her or Chloe, not to mention the implications a relationship with Liv could cause within the workplace. Of course, all this hinges on whether or not she is willing to accept the part of me I can offer her, which at this very second isn't much.

I do not feel like Liv has any right to know about what happened this weekend. She isn't my girlfriend and I made her no promises. I also feel the need to protect Bella.

Ultimately, I know I am not the guy Liv wants me to be. When she comes in this morning I will definitely let her know we need to talk.

**I'm sorry I didn't get any teasers out. If you review I will try my best, but I can't promise anything. We do post teasers on Facebook, and I'm on Twitter. **

**(at) meguhbot**


	17. Chapter 17

**SM owns.**

**Water for Elephants was so, so amazing.**

**Don't even get me started on Rob in the 30's styled clothes... oh, my ovaries.**

**Chapter 17**: Angel and Applications

After this weekend's revelations I didn't want to waste any time getting my life sorted out. That's why I blurted, "Can we talk?" the moment Liv walked though my door this morning at work. Not the most thought out plan as she immediately nodded and closed the door.

"I... I didn't mean right now. Can you come over tonight?" I really need to focus more on keeping my personal life away from work.

"Sure," she answers with a tentative smile. People always think the worst whenever anyone says they want to 'talk' so I'm not surprise by the look.

"Okay, see you at seven?"

"See you then, Edward." I assume the reason for her visit wasn't work related as she left quickly, softly pulling the door closed again on her way out.

The rest of the day flew by. As I leave the art room at the end of the day I almost walk right into Bella and Riley arguing in the hallway. I catch just a bit of Riley's tirade.

"...couldn't even call me? I told Cam I wanted to be able to hang out if you called so instead of doing something fun, we sat around and waited for the phone to ring."

"Ri…" Bella begins only to be interrupted.

"Whatever you were doing, wherever you were..." Riley's words trail off as he notices me watching the interaction. "Never mind. I get it," he says angrily before walking away with a look of disdain.

Bella sighs, runs her fingers through her hair, and leans her head against her locker. I want to ask her what's going on but it isn't my business, so I continue toward my office.

"Good night, Bella." I offer as I pass by, unable to stop myself. She lifts her head up and I can see the tears in her eyes. This Bella is a sharp contrast to the playful one that brightened my kitchen just yesterday. She gives me a tiny smile in return, but says nothing.

I'm in my office, packing up my things when there's a knock on the door. I look up to find Bella in the doorway, biting her lip.

"I just wanted to say thank you for helping me with the set. I would have never gotten it done." Her eyes convey that what she really means is thanks for cleaning up the mess.

"No problem," I reply.

"Good night, Mr. Cullen," she says, quickly touching her fingers to her lips. She walks out before I can respond.

UtB

I change into jeans and a white t-shirt once I'm home and quickly leave my bedroom. I can't be in there right now because it smells like her, which makes me think of her. I decide to go over art journals as a distraction but still save Bella's for last.

_I miss the sound of your voice. The loudest thing in my head_

I remember this song. She was always humming it. I write back: _and I ache to remember all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said..._

I finish writing just as there's a knock on the door. I cross the room and open the door to find Liv standing there. For a brief moment I see how beautiful she truly is. It actually feels like my heart skips a beat. Traitor.

"Hey," I say, stepping aside so she can come in.

"Would you like a drink? Wine, beer, water?" I ask.

"Water's fine," she answers softly. I tell her to make herself at home and notice she takes a seat on the sofa as I walk out of the room.

When I return to the living room she has one of the art journals in her hands. I breathe a sigh of relief when I'm sure it isn't Bella's. She looks up and gives me a shy smile before putting the journal down. Her hand grazes Bella's journal and a surge of protectiveness rushes through me. I sit the glass down on the table in front of Liv and quickly gather up the journals. "These are private. I promised the kids that I wouldn't share anything if they handed them in." I try not to sound too defensive but I don't think I am successful.

"Oh, I didn't.." She struggles to find words so I smile and shake my head as I sit down beside her to let her know we can just drop it.

A few seconds of silence stretch between us. The tension in the room makes the time feel like hours though. I'm having a hard time finding a way to start the conversation.

Liv finally clears her throat and speaks. "Can you just go ahead and say whatever's on your mind. I've been freaking out all day, Edward. I don't do well when a guy that I have feelings for tells me he needs to talk and then leaves me hanging the whole day with the worst case scenarios playing in my he-."

"I'm not good enough for you," I cut her off as I stand from the couch and run my hand through my hair. I begin to pace a bit and look across the room as I say, "I don't know that I can ever be enough."

"I thought we weren't going to label this, that we would just let things happen," she questions.

I stop pacing and look Liv in the eye. "My emotions are so raw right now and even with time I don't know how much of myself I will be able to share with you. You deserve someone who can give you everything. I don't think I can and that isn't fair to you or to Chloe."

"So...where does that leave us?"

Right now it leaves me frustrated that I can't seem to gather the courage to tell her how I really feel. I'm a grown man, for Pete's sake.

She stands and walks toward me. She stops when once she is close enough to touch me but keeps her hands to her sides. "I'm not sure I understand. So you need time? You never told me otherwise."

"Things can be so complicated." I think about my life over the past six months and chuckle humorlessly. "Actually, things are already complicated." That being said, I'm not going to tell her about this past weekend. I'm not going to tell her that I'm so weak that I risk everything just be close to Bella. That if I had the chance to be with her like that every day I wouldn't even have to give it a second thought.

She takes another step toward me and cups my face in her hands. Looking into my eyes she says, "Show me someone who doesn't have a complicated life," with a teasing smile.

"Liv, I'm so broken." I hope she can see the truth of that statement in my eyes. She's looking at me with such kindness that I can't help it when I pull her into a tight hug.

"Is there a chance that we could ever be more?" she asks softly. "If not, if you won't even try, then no more friendly kissing. My heart can't handle that."

"You deserve more than what I am," I whisper into her ear. She steps away but grasps my hands in hers.

"I think everything that happened this summer sucks. It was horrible and you didn't deserve any of it. The good part is that I know about the situation and how it affected you. You can be yourself around me and I will understand. I just...I want you to be happy, Edward, and I will support you as your girlfriend, as your friend, or as your co-worker. I'll take what you'll give me, but please don't try the whole 'I know what's best for you' thing with me. I'm a grown woman. I have an idea of what I'm getting into.

"You may be a bit broken right now but I don't think you are weak," she continues. "I think the fact that you walk into that school building every day proves how strong you are. You have to see the reason for your suffering daily. A lesser man would have run away to hide, but you didn't."

Her honesty overwhelms me and all I can do is nod in response. She looks so honest, so determined to make me see the truth as she sees it. She squeezes my hand and I pull her to me. The only thing I think about as I kiss her chastely is how soft her lips are and how her body feels pressed against mine.

When I pull away I go to sit on the couch to collect my thoughts. Liv follows but remains standing in front of me. All the things Bella and I talked about cross my mind. Be happy. Don't wait. Who knows what will happen now. Bella's life could lead her in a million different directions, including to another man. If I sit and wait I could miss something or someone great...like Liv.

I finally speak one word. "Okay."

"Okay what?" she asks, kneeling down in front of me.

"If I end whatever this is before I give it a chance, I can see myself looking back and regretting it. You're amazing, Liv, and I'd like to give this a try."

"Yeah?" she asks hopefully.

"Yeah. Let's just take things day by day though, okay?"

She nods in agreement. "It's probably best to keep Chloe out of it for now," she adds. "What about work?" She keeps her voice low, like she's scared that this concern will be the deal breaker.

I sigh. "Work shouldn't be a problem. We have to stay professional..."

"Sooo, no sneaking off under the bleachers?" she questions in a playful tone. A look of shock crosses her face when she realizes exactly what she said and its connection to my life situation. "Shit. Sorry," she apologizes as her hand finds mine.

I offer a weak smile and shake my head because I know she was not trying to be hurtful. I stand and pull her up with me. "Thank you for being a friend, for caring, and for not giving up on me," I say.

"Anytime," she says with a hug. After just a moment she breaks away. "I have to go get Chloe now. I'll see you tomorrow."

I walk Liv to the door and give her a goodnight kiss before she leaves. I'm not sure how all this is going to work out but I'm glad I was honest with her.

UtB

What a day. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get over Bella when I keep finding myself near her and reminded of her. The times when I'm not prepared to see her are the hardest. Earlier today I found myself in the same room with her when I took over another teacher's class. The fact that I was called in to watch the class when the teacher was called away on a family emergency was not a surprise. The fact that it was Bella's English class was.

I tried to keep myself occupied as I waited for the bell to ring and release me from the beautiful brunette's presence. She and Jessica sat together in the back of the room, chatting and laughing at one another.

"Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes it makes you love them more. I just love it when he says that," Jessica says dreamily.

I looked up to see that Jessica was quoting one of the characters in the book _The Last Song_, which makes me think back on the time I spent with Bella this summer.

_We're under the boardwalk again. Bella lays on her back beside me, laughing, as I place the shells I found on the beach around her head. _

"_Wasn't this in a movie?" she asks through her giggles. Her eyes are dancing with humor and love. She is so beautiful. I can't help myself so I lean down to kiss her._

"_It was a movie but it was based on our story," I tease._

"_Ew, no. I am so not Miley Cyrus and you're definitely no Will...unfortunately." She adds the last part under her breath so I snap her bikini bottom and poke her side in retaliation. She tries to wiggle away from my tickling hands._

"_Stop moving. You're messing up the shells." I snap her bathing suit again to make my point and place another shell in the sand around the outline of her body._

"_I can't believe you're doing this. How do you even know about it? You're supposed to be an artist but instead you're just a romantic sap."_

_I glare at her. "Romantic, yes. Sap, no. Alice made me watch it. Now shush and let me have my fun since you made me carry all of these."_

"_Me? You're the one that always picks them up," she accuses._

"_For you! To make your frames!" I point out, pretending to be hurt._

_She stays still for the rest of the time it takes me to finish. When I announce that I'm done she grabs me and pulls me down to her. We messed them up and she never even got to see them._

When the bell rang and snapped me back onto the present I found Bella's eyes locked with mine. I think she was stuck in the memories, too.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully and at the end of the day I was waiting for Marcus to visit me in my office when there was a knock at my door. I expected to see Marcus but Liv opened the door instead.

"Hey," she says with a smile as she closes the door and walks toward my desk.

"Hey yourself. Working late?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "I have to get Chloe now but I... I just couldn't help myself. I had to see you before I left."

Her sentiment warms my heart. "I missed you today," I tell her truthfully. There has been careful glances between us in the hallway, I brushed her hand with mine in the kitchen, and she'd even left me a note on a file that she brought to me but we hadn't actually been able to spend any time together today.

"All the secrecy making you crazy?" she asks flirtatiously.

"You think that's crazy, I'll show you crazy," I laugh, motioning to all the paperwork on my desk. It makes her giggle along with me.

Once the laughter dies down she frowns and says, "I have to go now." I nod and walk her out of my office.

"I'll call you," I assure her and place a chaste kiss on her cheek. When I open my door, Marcus is standing right outside. Liv nods in greeting and quickly leaves. Marcus reacts warmly to Liv but the minute she is gone he turns to me with a raised curious eyebrow.

"Olivia Remy is a _nice_ woman," he says with a smile. I simply nod, waiting for the "but".

"It's none of my business as long as personal lives stay personal. If it doesn't, we'll have a problem."

"Thank you, Marcus," I am quick to respond.

UtB

My meeting with Marcus went well. He briefed me on a recent meeting with the superintendent and school board members. It didn't take long and before I knew it I was on my own for the evening. That was a problem since I really didn't want to be alone right now.

My options for company are pretty limited since I don't know many people in Wildwood. I called Liv but she was in the middle of supper with Chloe. I decided to go for a walk downtown hoping that the people bustling around would help me fight off the loneliness. Unfortunately, being in the area only made me reminisce about all the time I spent with Bella in the locations I saw around me.

My memories are interrupted by barking and yelling. Curious, I look around and see Ben Cheney attempting to control three fluffy haired puppies on leashes. The yelling is because the puppies are obviously not used to being on leashes and their behavior appears to be driving Ben crazy.

"Hey Ben," I call out. "You look like you got your hands full."

"You have no idea, Mr. Cullen," he replies with a roll of his eyes. "You wouldn't happen to want a puppy, would you?" I laugh and kneel down to get a closer look at the pups. Two of them are white and black but the third has a red and white coat with blue eyes. The little red one waddles over to me immediately and I can't help but play with it.

"What kind of dog are they? Husky?" I ask. Ben nods and explains that his family breeds Husky's. I continue to play with little red as he tells me about the dogs. It would be nice not to come home to an empty house every night and when he says that the blue eyed puppy is a female my choice is made. "I'll take her," I say on impulse.

Ben seems really surprised, but in the end I follow him back to his house to pay his father for my new companion. Ben's father talks to me a bit more about the breed and it's characteristics as well as informing me about basic dog care. The Cheneys include a few basic supplies for her, but I realize I'll be making a trip to the pet store for the rest. 

An hour and a half later, I walk out of the pet store with a puppy, puppy supplies and a bank account that's about three thousand dollars lighter. Talk about an impulse buy.

"Come on, Angel. Let's go," I call to the pup. Initially I just used the name as a term of endearment but it seemed to fit, so Angel she is. She even got an engraved dog tag. Once everything was loaded into my car I decided a walk along the beach sounded nice. It wasn't long before we found ourselves under the boardwalk though.

Apparently I'm not the only one who thought the beach sounded like a good idea this evening because Bella is there, too. Her back is to me, but I know it's her. She's hunched over a sketchpad with head phones in her ears. Before I can stop Angel, she runs over and jumps on Bella, startling her. Bella picks up the puppy, who immediately licks her face, and turns to look for its owner. Bella smiles when she sees me and I offer her an apologetic look for the dog's behavior.

"You got a dog?" Bella asks. She looks at Angel's collar and then bursts into laughter. "You got a puppy and named her after a character on a show you gave me so much shit for liking?"

I grin at her reaction and shrug my shoulders in reply. "Spike just didn't feel right for her."

Bella giggles. "Spike would have been funny...cause she is so...anti-Spike-ish."

We laugh together and I'm reminded how much I miss her and spending time with her just like this. I think she notices my nostalgia, and our laughter slowly fades away.

"She's cute," she says, trying to cover up the tense moment. "I never pictured you as a dog person, but it doesn't surprise me. You can do anything you set your mind to."

"Well, I thought it would be nice to have someone waiting for me when I come home."

Bella looks down. I didn't mean to make her feel bad, but I know her, and her actions show me that she does feel bad after my comment.

"Do you come here often?" I ask to change the subject. As I glance around the area I can see remnants of our time spent here. I quickly spot the post where I carved our initials.

"No. I haven't been able to bring myself to...I just ended up here. Emmett and Rose got into a fight so he's been sleeping on our sofa. He was snoring like a chainsaw and I had to get away."

Before I can say anything else, my phone rings. Alice's name appears on the display. "Sorry," I interrupt and point to the phone.

I answer with what I hope is a cheerful, "Hey, sis."

By her reply I can tell she not very happy with me. "Don't you 'hey sis' me! It's a good thing you finally answered your phone. If not, you'd be getting quite a surprise on Saturday. Mom, Jazz, and I are coming to visit."

I'm beyond excited at her news, even though I've been screening my calls or replying with text messaging for the last couple of months. I've missed my family and Jasper is my best friend. I hope the visit will take some of the stress out of my life.

"That's great, Ali. I have a surprise for you guys when you get here, but I have to go for now," I tell her looking at Bella playing with Angel. Alice won't let me hang up until I promise to call her back later though.

Bella laughs at Angel as she digs in the sand. She finally stops, waddles over to Bella and drops something at her feet. Bella picks up the object and chuckles. "Like father like daughter," Bella says with a smile and passes the object over to me.

It's a seashell.

I don't want to leave even though I should so I give in and sink into the sand beside Bella.

**BPOV**

I wouldn't have thought my life could get any more complicated than it already was but I did manage to do just that. My situation with Edward may be sorted out but now college application, Riley and my brother were stepped in to add to the crazy.

The college thing was coming along because I had to do this. I promised to do this. I wrote the stupid essays and I filled out all the applications. I even did that stupid finical aid thing online. The new problem is that I need recommendations from teachers. I'm applying to art schools, so it seems silly not to have one from my art teacher. I can't seem to gather the courage to ask him, though. That was actually why I went in his office after school the other day, but I chickened out at the last minute and just thanked him for fixing the play scenery.

Riley was another matter. He knew something happened with Edward but he didn't mention it and I wasn't going to bring it up if he didn't. That didn't last long as he decided to break the tension in the car on the way home from school one day.

"Bella?" he questioned softly.

"Hmmm?" I responded, turning to look at him.

"I do have an ounce of pride when it comes to you. I don't know what is going on but this isn't like last year for me. I give a shit now. I give a big shit if you mess around with other people, and if that's how you want it to be...I can't give you that."

I looked down, ashamed. This was not a new emotion as I'd felt it quite a bit lately. I knew it well actually. "I'm sorry, Ri," I offered. It wasn't much, but it's all I had at the time.

"You are sorry..." he mumbled with a shake of his head.

"It was...closure," I explained. "Just goodbye. There was so much left unsaid but it's over." I struggled to make him understand, because I didn't want to lose him.

"I'm not going to be here waiting for you if you keep going to him..."

I interrupted his statement. "I won't, Riley. I promise." With or without Riley, I would not go to Edward.

Riley took a deep breath and finished his statement. "I can't act like I don't care anymore because I'm an idiot and I totally fell in love with you." My face must have registered my shock because he went on to add, "I know it's not the same for you," as he looked away from me.

"You're not an idiot," I reassured him with a shake of my head.

"I know I only have half of you. Just..." he trailed off. I was pretty sure his next words would have been 'don't cheat on me' or something like that. I was pretty sure that's what he struggled to say.

"He told me he would wait. All I had to do was ask and he would wait for me." I don't know why I shared that information. It just came out. Riley looked shocked. Stunned by the revelation. Like his heart was about to shatter into a million pieces.

"Of course you'd ask him too..."

I shook my head to disagree. "No. No, I couldn't, Ri. I told him to live his life. I told him I wanted to live mine. I'm sorry I can't give you more...and if you have to break up with me, I understand. I'm trying to figure everything out, which is pretty much impossible. I mean, I don't know all the answers and I sure can't predict the future."

"Bella." Riley said to stop my rambling.

I looked right in his eyes and took a deep breath before I said, "Sorry is all I have." I hoped he could hear how much I meant it.

"Then let's just move on," he offered before he took my hand in his and stroked the top of my hand with his thumb. It all seemed a little too easy for me.

On Friday night, Emmett showed up with an overnight bag, adding his problems to my mixed up life. Rose was nowhere in sight and he wouldn't say more than that they got in a fight.

I heard him talking to mom later that night, but just bits and pieces. One statement that stuck out was, "I just don't want Bella to know yet with everything that happened." Normally I'd go out and make some stink about how I'm not a child anymore, but that night I chose to shut my bedroom door and ignore them. Starting a fight wouldn't help Emmett see that I'm no longer an immature teenager who is too young to understand the problems in his marriage.

The next morning he found my college applications on the kitchen table. "Ever gonna send these out, Bella?" he asked as he flipped through the paperwork.

"Ah, yeah. I am just waiting for a few letters of recommendation," I explained.

"Who did you ask?" he questioned.

"No one…yet."

"The deadline for this one is getting close..." Emmett trailed off as he also noticed the scholarship applications Ms. Remy sent to me during the week.

Ms. Remy kept sending notes during my homeroom to let me know that she wanted to meet with me, but I never went. I didn't want to talk to her about my future...not when she is so familiar with my past. She must have given up because one day during math class a messenger showed up with a packet for me. It was filled with all these scholarships applications. One of them, the Jamie Ford scholarship, is amazing. Mr. Ford is from a long line of famous artists and the scholarship recipient gets seven thousand dollars a semester. In the grand scheme of things that will only cover one class but every little bit counts.

The more I found out about the cost of college the more depressed I became. The dorms cost like ten thousand. Each college credit is like twelve hundred dollars. When each class is worth four credits, and you take four courses a semester...well, you do the math. I don't know if I can ever actually afford the luxury of going away to college. I just don't see how I can come up with that kind of money. That is why I need to get these scholarships, which also require some sort of recommendation from someone that sees my potential as an artist. Not to mention most of them want me to send a piece of art that I feel represents my best work.

"I know," I acknowledged and took the papers from his hands. "I will. Well, it makes more sense for me to just go to the community college anyway," I mumbled.

"You should go away Bells."

I knew he meant well, but I just don't think he gets how expensive 'going away' is. He didn't even bother to take the SAT's, because he knew he wouldn't go to college but straight to work instead.

"Well, if you can figure out a way to get ten thousand for a dorm, and like forty eight hundred a class, that won't leave me in debt up to my ears when I'm done, then you let me know," I reply with a huff.

"Scholarships, Bella. You've got the talent," he reassured.

"That one there is the biggest offered and it's only seven thousand a semester. That would cover one class...and books...at best. So yeah...it's not like mom has it, or you have it, and we won't even bring our father into this. I mean I could just stay here at home and take classes at the community college for like a fraction of some fancy art school."

"This is your dream though." Emmett looked like he wanted to feed me some Disney line about dreams coming true if you only believe and work hard.

"Yeah, Em. _Dream_."

I swept the papers into a messy pile, and took them with me to my room. Once there I threw them all in the trash can, stared at them full of anger and annoyance, then took them all out again and set them on my desk. I can't look back and say I never tried.

"No regrets," I mumbled to myself.

UtB

I decide to spend some time on the beach the next morning because everything seems so overwhelming right now. Sitting on the beach always make me calmer and helps me think.

The college application process makes all the problems and hurt I feel over Edward seem kind of small. It seems like there are a million things to overcome in order to get someplace that seems so common. Everyone goes to college, don't they? It's not a big deal for Riley. It was probably pretty easy for Edward, too. The real irony is that I don't have enough money to pay for school on my own, but according to a lot of those scholarship applications, I have too much money to get any help. How can both of those things be true?

Right now I want to give up, accept that this is exactly who I am. I won't do or be anything special. I'll just spend my life as Bella Swan at Twilight Motel.

In a moment of clarity I realize everything I do is affecting my life. The choices I make. The choices I fail to make. The things I try. The things I'm too chicken shit to even attempt. All these things will put me on a path that will define me. That's a lot of pressure.

I try to stop the worry and calm the storm inside me. What's the worst that can happen if I screw up? I start again, right. Is it really that easy though? Some mistakes have lifelong consequences and some things can never be undone.

In the middle of my worry I'm startled by an adorable dog. It just so happens that the dog's owner is adorable too.

Edward. I wonder if my new onset of worry about where my life will lead has anything to do with him. Who am I kidding? The pressure I feel to be more than a pretty girl from the shore for him is the reason I have to let go of him. The pressure to do things for myself is great enough, but to feel like he is waiting for me...and that I could fail while he waits…is too much.

We make small talk for a while and it almost feels normal. Natural. I'm surprised when he eventually sits down next to me in the sand. The ocean is a good mile away and I can still make out the white ripples of the waves as they crash against the shore, but this is not the beach of our summer. The seagulls are gone. The noise from the hustle and bustle of the boardwalk above us is only a memory. The stores are closed. There are no tram cars, and only an occasional local passes above us. It's like a ghost town.

Edward's puppy lies between us. I'm stroking her soft fur when my hand comes in contact with Edward's as he does the same. I pull away quickly and mutter, "Sorry." He shakes his head as if to say not to worry.

After a few more quite seconds Edward states, "You haven't gone to any of your meetings with Ms. Remy about college." I glare over at him, not because I'm angry that he brought her up, or that I'm upset that they have had a discussion about me. I'm testy because it's almost like he knew that was something that was heavy on my mind right now.

"Don't look at me like that," he laughs. "I told her you probably had everything under control, but if you want someone else to help you I'd be happy to. If you need help, that is."

I sigh wearily. "I have my applications and most of them are complete. I filled out the government finical aid form and I got the scholarship information she sent. I just need..." I don't want to say what I need though because he's the art teacher and his recommendation is really what I need. The art schools don't want to hear how great I am from my English or math teacher. They want to know what my art teacher thinks.

"What do you need?"

I shake my head like it's something silly. "Just a letter of recommendation."

"Done," he responds. I knew he would do it. I just hated to ask him for anything else.

"Thanks," I reply, looking back toward the ocean. "I just don't want to ask anyone to waste their time writing it."

"Why would it waste my time?" Edward questions.

"I...I don't know how realistic it is for me to go to a school like that. It seems like I'm not rich enough to just fork over money and not poor enough to get any real help from the government. The schools I'm looking into aren't exactly affordable."

"You can't let money stand in your way," Edward says.

I'm getting really tired of everyone brushing off my concerns. "This coming from the boy who grew up with a boat, a shore house, and an Ivy League education," I snap.

He smiles at me sadly. "I just meant that money shouldn't..."

"But it does," I interrupt. "Sure, I can get loans. I can definitely work my way through school. I can also graduate from some fancy art school and owe more than I'll end up making in a year."

"You wouldn't be the only one. What about what you want?" Edward asks calmly.

I answer is a resigned, depressed tone of voice. "Sometimes what you want isn't what you get. Sometimes...your dreams are just that. Dreams."

"There is always going to be something just out of your reach, Bella. The point is to keep reaching."

I pull my knees up to my chest, and rest my head on them, looking over at Edward. "No regrets," he reminds me.

I smile weakly at him. "I'll try."

"You can only deal with one problem at a time and all problems have solutions. It's just a matter of finding them. Don't create problems before you even encounter them."

"Yeah, but I'm just going on the stellar track record I seem to have for creating problems. I guess I've started to plan for them," I say with a shrug.

Edward tells me as he stands up and dusts the sand from his pants. "I should get home. I'm glad we got to talk."

"Me too. It was nice to see you," I add.

"You know where to find me...for whatever."

I nod. "See you Monday." I tell him, as I give Angel one last rub.

He waves goodbye and I watch him and his new puppy until they are out of sight.

UtB

When I get home I'm not surprised to see Rose's car next to Emmett's. I knew it was only a matter of time before she showed up.

"You two kiss and make up?" I ask with a playful smile as I walk in the door.

"Yeah," Emmett answers. His smile is even wider than normal.

"Why can't you wipe that grin off your face?" I want to take my words back almost immediately. "OH! Never mind! I don't want to know!" I say as I cover my ears. It's then that I notice Rose has the same stupid grin so I stop being silly. "Seriously, what's going on?"

"Rose is pregnant," Emmett states.

Emmett looks so happy. Rose looks so happy. I feel like I just got punched in the stomach.

"Wow!" I try to say with a smile. I want to look like I am happy for them. There is no reason I shouldn't be happy for them. "Really? I mean, that's...awesome. Congratulations, guys."

I walk over and hug both of them. "Did that have something to do with the fight?" I ask.

"I was trying to tell Emmett, but he was being dense and I guess all the hormones...I freaked out that he wasn't on the same page as me. In other words, yes, things got way out of control. But after I had some time to realize how silly I was, and that Emmett still had no idea, I came to tell him, in a less cryptic way." I try to find the genuine humor in the situation but quickly realize that acting will have to suffice.

Rose goes on about her due date, which happens to be in late August. I can't believe how fast the year is moving. That thought only making the whole college thing seem more do or die. It doesn't help that Rose makes a comment about me leaving for college right around the time the baby is born.

"Maybe," I say.

"Bella, you're gonna go. We will figure out a way to make it happen," Emmett assures me. It's nice of him, but I'm just trying to be practical.

"Well, I have some work to do before I go out with Riley later, but wow, a baby. Me. An aunt..." I smile as I back away from them, desperately wanting to escape to my room.

Once I'm safely in my room the first thing I do is pull out the ultra sound picture of the baby I lost. I run my fingers over it. "This would have been..." My head wants my mouth to say something like a disaster. Wrong. More trouble than anyone would know how to handle. My heart has a different idea and the word, "irreplaceable," slips out. It also tossed around words like amazing, incredible, special...but irreplaceable seemed to do it the most justice.

I put the small photo away, willing myself not to break down. According to everyone who has anything to say about it, I should be relieved. It would have 'ruined' my life. 'Ruined' Edward's life.

That's complete bullshit though. Changed. It would have changed our lives. Maybe he would have taken me far away and married me, taken care of me and our child, made more with me.

"Right, Bella." I mock myself. He would never have encouraged me to drop out of high school and run away to marry him. Education is important to him. He wouldn't want to deal with some high school dropout and unplanned pregnancy.

Do I know that for certain though? Did I even take the time to ask him what he wanted? No, I didn't.

Why?

Maybe I was afraid of him telling me we should run away. Maybe I was afraid of him giving up everything for me.

I don't know what I'm thinking but I pick up the phone and call the number I never could bring myself to delete.

He answers right away. "Are you okay?" he asks without a hello. It must be a shock to get a call from me after so long. It's not like we called each other since the summer to just chat. The phone call itself tells him there is something important I need him for.

"Rose is pregnant," I blurt out.

"Ah...I'm...I can meet you if you want to talk," he offers. I hear Liv in the background. I think she is asking who is on the phone. He seems to ignore her.

I feel stupid. "You don't have to drop whatever your doing."

He ignores me. "Tell me where to meet you."

"Under the boardwalk?" It's only been a few hours since we were last there together, but it's our spot.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes."

**If you want a teaser, go check us out on Facebook, the group is called Under the Boardwalk. **

**Happy Easter.**

**If you don't celebrate Easter, I hope you had an amazing day.**


	18. Chapter 18

**SM owns. **

**Big love to Becky our pre-reader, and My2GalsPal, who does WAY more then Beta. She makes us sound good. **

**To all you awesome readers, you rock for sticking through this with Edward, and I promise, Izzy will be back when the time comes. Try to be happy for them both in the meantime!**

**Chapter 18: Reality Check**

**BPOV **

It takes me fifteen minutes to make it to the meeting spot under the boardwalk. The whole way there I alternate between being mad at myself for calling Edward when I shouldn't have and being thankful that I called him.

Edward is already waiting when I get there. He stands facing the ocean as the wind coming off the water tousles his already chaotic hair. His pants hang low on his hips and his black t-shirt clings to his upper body. I want to know why he's dressed up, but I already know he was with Ms. Remy so I'm pretty sure I can put two and two together. I push those thoughts out of my head and call out softly.

He turns around with a smile on his face, but his expression becomes worried when he sees me. "Hey," he responds.

I sit down in the sand and lean against a post. Our post actually. The one with our initials carved in it. I try not to think about its significance as Edward sits down next to me. His arm brushes mine as he gets comfortable and I realize he's so close that I can smell him, even over the scent of the ocean.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I laugh sarcastically and pause before I answer. "I don't know. There's just too much going on. Any one of these issues I could handle, but everything at the same time is overwhelming me. Us, the baby, Rose, college, Riley. I'm trying…but I think it's too much for me."

I don't mention Liv, even though her relationship with Edward is one of the many things I've been thinking about. Regardless of the fact that I want him to be happy I still hate the thought of him being with anyone but me.

I take a deep breath and go on. "Last year my biggest worry was what I would wear to homecoming and where Riley and I could go to be alone." I feel Edward's body tense at the mention of Riley and even though I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable I know I have to go on. "It all seems so juvenile now. If I had known all the things this year had in store for me I probably would have gone insane. How could I know I'd meet the man of my dreams before I should, get pregnant, lose the baby..."

Edward wraps his arm around my shoulder and he holds me close. I lean my head on his should and listen. "I understand why you need us to let go for now. I know how scared you must have been when you found out your life would be changed forever and that you would never be a carefree teenager again. I know why you're fighting to hold on to that feeling for a little while longer."

He understands, but that doesn't make it sound any less selfish. "I'm so sorry," I all but sob.

"Don't," he says.

I lift my head to look at his face. "I need to say these things. Please don't let me off the hook," I beg. I know how forgiving and understanding he is, but just once, I'd like him to demand an apology from me. His hand rubs his face as he looks at me with a mixture of confusion, sadness and pity.

I look up at the sun peeking through the boardwalk planks every dozen or so inches, trying to gather the courage to express my thoughts. I swallow back my fear and look directly at him. I feel a tear slide down my cheek as I begin my apology. "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry I didn't realize I was pregnant sooner and take better care of the baby and myself. I'm sorry I didn't give you any choices, let you make any of the decisions, or even ask your opinion about what was happening. I'm sorry for how selfish I have been. I thought I had your best interest at heart, but I didn't really take your feelings into consideration. If I was truly concerned about you, I would have given you the chance to tell me what you wanted. How you felt. Instead, I regret, I beat myself up, and I wonder."

"Wonder?" he questions.

"I wonder what you would want if I hadn't lost the baby…our baby?" I correct myself.

He closes his eyes, and sighs heavily. "I honestly don't know," he finally admits. "I never had to give it that much thought because it all happened so fast."

Edward rubs my arm comfortingly as I wipe away some tears. "I'm so confused. I just...Everyone tells me how thankful I should be, that it was for the best. I should feel blessed, right?" I shake my head before I continue. "If it was for the best then why am I sad and why does it feel like it's wrong to feel that way? Does that even make sense?"

"Absolutely, because that's exactly how I feel, too," Edward reassures me.

"It wouldn't have been the worst thing ever if I were still pregnant, right?" I ask, not because I want to be a teenage mother, but because I want to hear the truth from the only other person whose opinion matters.

"Not even close to the worst thing ever," he answers with a lopsided grin. "It's okay to be sad, Bella. People only say 'it's for the best' because they don't know what else to say. Then they act like even bigger assholes and start listing the reasons why you should be happy about what happened. Maybe the best thing to say to someone who lost something that had the potential to be so wonderful is that it's okay to think it sucks. It's normal to feel a loss and even wish things had gone differently."

I look into his eyes to see his true feelings. I know my eyes are filled with tears just waiting to spill over. I will myself not to blink because if I start crying I don't think I will ever stop. I imagine it would be something like Alice in Wonderland with my tears eventually sweeping me away. The question I'm dying to ask is on the tip of my tongue. I know once I utter a sound the tears will force their way out, but I have to know the answer. Thick tears roll down my face as I ask, "D-do you ever wish for it back?"

"At least once a day," he whispers in nothing but complete honesty.

"Even though...this is who I am? Bella, not Izzy?" It's not as if he'd be having a baby with a 21 year old college student.

Edward shakes his head at my question. "I didn't fall in love with a number, Bella. I fell in love with you. Your true personality, your sense of humor, your heart...none of that changed when I found out your real age."

"I feel like it would have ruined you if I were still pregnant, so when I wish things were different I feel bad because it would be horrible for you. Your reputation would have been damaged. It's selfish of me to want something that would harm you."

"It's not selfish, Bella," Edward tries to assure me. "It's part of being a mother. You want to protect your child and keep it safe and healthy – no matter what the cost."

"But I'm not a mother," I argue, looking down at the sand.

"I beg to differ. You heard the heartbeat, you saw the picture, and you wanted the best for your child. Then, just a small amount of time later, everything was gone. That doesn't mean the baby never existed…that you never felt a bond. The baby is a part of you now. It's not selfish to want it back…to wonder what would have been."

"I'd do anything to get him back," I admit to Edward. Maybe he is right. This confusion could be the mother in me fighting the teenager in me. People can keep telling me how much better off I am, but that is the feeling that's not natural.

"Him?" Edward questions.

I look out at the waves in the distance and I wipe at the tears that have slowed. "I dream about...a little boy," I confess, turning to look at Edward. I smile as I think about the child in my dreams. "He has your eyes and he's always running along the beach. Something out in the ocean catches his attention and he heads toward the water. I call for him to come back, but he says something like 'when it's time'. In my dream I always panic for a split second, maybe because he could drown. Then he looks back at me with a huge smile on his face. He waves before he runs off again and I know he's fine."

I try not to think about that dream, let alone talk about it. When everyone around you says one thing, it's hard to tell them to shut up and admit that you feel the exact opposite, regardless of what is supposed to be for the best. It's hard to say you want the other path, including all the consequences that go along with it.

We sit quietly for a bit before tells me he has to go check on Angel.

"I thought I'd named her to fit her personality, but no." He draws out the last word for emphasis and I laugh at his joke. "Mom's gonna kill me when she sees her sofa."

His pinky grazes mine and he gives me a smile. "Bye, Bella," he whispers as he leaves. As I watch him walk off I realize that talking to him about my feelings has definitely helped settle my emotions and get rid of some of the guilt they caused. When it's all said and done I'm really glad I called him.

UtB

I know Riley's waiting outside to drive me to school. He's been out there for five minutes but I can't bring myself to leave my room.

Our relationship has been strained since he found out about my last weekend with Edward. He seems to be on guard, not as touchy feely as he usually is. I really don't want to tell him about talking to Edward, but I know I have to. I'm pretty sure my confession will only make things worse.

So, instead of facing the music…I stall, using any excuse I can think of. This shirt's too wrinkly. This one is ugly. This one is too green, and it reminds me of Edward's eyes. I think I'm going crazy.

I finally settle on a leopard print sweater and black skinny jeans, dress quickly, and run out the door to Riley's car.

"Hey," I say as I close the car door behind me.

"Hey, yourself," he returns with a smile and leans over and kisses my cheek. He straightens in his seat, puts the car in drive, and heads toward school.

I take a deep breath and jump right into the fire. "I,uh.. I need to tell you something, only because I don't want to keep secrets from you."

Riley's brow furrows and he waits for me to continue.

"Remember how I told you Rose and Em were fighting?"

"Yeah..." he answers, with a hint of anxiety in his voice.

"It's because she's pregnant. When I found out, I was so upset that I broke down…and I called him," I spit out. I can't even bring myself to say his name right now.

I'm suddenly thrown forward as Riley slams on the brakes. Thank goodness for my seatbelt. My thankfulness is replaced by guilt as he turns a blank stare at me. Riley breaks from the stare as a car horn sounds behind us. He quickly turns his eyes back to the street in front of us so he can continue to school. He still hasn't said anything but now he's driving faster than he should. He turns into the parking lot, finds a space, and slams onto his brakes again. I don't feel any less anxious just because the car isn't moving any more.

I'm nervous that he still hasn't said anything so I try to get the ball rolling. "We...I...We just talked," I say softly.

He remains silent for a while, hands clutching the steering wheel, but finally asks, "Why couldn't you talk to me?" His expression is calm but I can tell he's furious right now because his accent is back.

"I wanted to, Ri, I really did," I answer. I reach for his hand to loosen from the steering wheel because his knuckles are white. He pulls away from my touch.

As if things couldn't be any more awkward, Edward and Ms. Remy walk past at that very moment. The tension in the car thickens even more.

"I won't be that, Bella," Riley says as he acknowledges the couple with a tilt of his head and watches them walk by. He turns to look me in the eye before he continues. "I know there's a shitload of things you need to work out but I know what my limits are, too. I have enough self-respect to know that I don't want to be the fall back guy. I love you, and I can't walk away from you just..." he trails off with a shake of his head.

I don't know what to say so I just stay silent and hold his stare. Riley finally sighs and breaks eye contact. "We'll talk later." he says, before getting out of the car.

I wait in my seat as he walks around the car to open my door. We walk side by side into the building and straight to my locker. He enters the combination to open my locker for me, but then he's gone without another word.

"Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise?" Jess asks as she watches riley walk away.

"I'm such an idiot. He's so mad at me," I explain, leaning my head on the locker next to mine. After I take a moment to collect my thoughts, she listens as I tell her everything that's happened. "I keep screwing up, Jess. I knew I shouldn't call him. You don't call your ex when you have a problem, you call your boyfriend. I'm so stupid!"

"No, you needed answers from the only person who could give them to you. Riley's not thinking about the fact that you could have just kept it to yourself. At least you were honest. Want me to beat him up for you?" she jokes.

I shake my head and close my locker. I try not to think about Riley or Edward as I listen to Jess, glad that I have her on my side, and mentally prepare for the rest of the day.

UtB

Riley isn't waiting for me outside the art room at the end of the day like he usually does. I know he has football practice and I assume that's where he is. My gut tells me something is wrong but I try to ignore the feeling and go about my business.

After a trip to my locker I head outside and spot Riley immediately. He's sweaty and shirtless, wearing only his tight, white football pants. It looks like he's been running laps, attempting to kiss the coaches ass for missing so much this season.

Everything looks normal until I realize he's talking to Bree, a girl from the Wildwood Catholic School that Riley dated over the summer. I don't care for a lot of the students from WCS, but Bree ranks especially high on my annoyance meter. She's obviously flirting with Riley and it pisses me off to no end. Her skirt is too short, her laugh is too fake, and her hand is on Riley's bare chest. Is it wrong that I'm furious about the fact that he isn't removing her hand from his skin? I feel like such a hypocrite.

I know he sees me when I walk past the two of them but I try to ignore them and walk to Jessica's car. I see her walking this direction so I stand calmly and wait. When she's finally close enough I call, "I need a ride home. Can you take me?"

"Sure," Jess answers. There's nothing to do as I wait for Jess to unlock the car except watch as Bree rubs all over Riley's chest as he smiles at her like an idiot. When Jess finally opens her car, I lose it. I throw my bag into the car and walk over to the 'happy couple'.

"Hey, Bree. What's up?" I ask calmly, even though I'm not. I glance over at Riley to let him know I'm onto him and he steps away from Bree. Unfortunately, she just steps closer.

"Just catching up with Riley here," she answers with a fake smile. I give one right back.

"Yeah? Well, he may not have told you, so I will. Riley here," I say sarcastically, playing on the way she answered me initially, "is only letting you touch him to piss me off. Get your fucking hands off of him." I grasp her hand, remove it from Riley's chest, and step between them.

"Don't fucking touch me," she says with a glare.

"Take the fucking hint and I won't have to," I respond with a glare of my own.

"Bella, don't," Riley says as he tries to pull me away from the situation. Before Bree can say anything else Riley grabs my hand and says, "Just go, Bree."

"Whatever," she says with a roll of her eyes. As she walks away she bumps right into my shoulder.

"What the fuck?" I yell, completely pissed off. Jessica and several other guys from the football team come to see what's going on.

I don't know where Bree's bravery comes from but suddenly she's yelling at me. "You treat him like shit. He's only with you because you were going to have his baby. You think you're hot shit Bella, but you're not. You don't deserve him. You're small town trash…just like your mother," she sneers.

Now, I've never been in a fight before, but Emmett did teach me how to punch when I was thirteen. I came home crying one day because some boy pulled my hair and tripped me. The next day when he pulled my hair, I punched him. He had a black eye for a week.

With Bree standing here, saying all these shitty things to me and throwing herself at my boyfriend, it feels like my hair is being pulled all over again. I've had enough so I hit her, right in her plastic nose. She pushes me back and scratches my arm. I knock her down. Riley jumps in between us and attempts to pull me away from Bree. Jessica is standing in front of Bree, who is still on the ground.

The next thing I know, Edward and Ms. Remy are standing beside us, breathless, probably because they ran from across the parking lot to get to the madness.

"What's going on?" Edward questions, looking straight at me. I just shrug and look at the ground because I'm not even sure anymore. I notice my shirt is a mess and try to fix it. His eyes linger for a second before he turns toward Bree.

"You go to Wildwood Catholic?" Edward asks in his authoritative voice.

Bree looks at me, then back at Edward. She does this ugly squinty face as she looks at me again.

Bree isn't stupid so I know she remembers Edward. Edward looks back at me in confusion. I can see the moment the truth registers in his mind. This is another person that knows our life shattering secret; someone that I happen to be fighting with. I see fear on his face for a split second, but he recovers quickly. I just pray Bree doesn't say anything right now.

Edward turns to Bree and pins her with his stare. "You are not authorized to be on school grounds. You have until I count to ten to leave. Do not come back or I will call the cops," Edward threatens.

Ms. Remy adds that the principal at Wildwood Catholic will be notified of this incident. Technically, Bree's school day isn't over for another twenty minutes. WCS is still responsible for her even though she is obviously skipping class.

Bree opens her mouth to say something, but Riley tells her to keep her mouth shut. She huffs as she realizes arguing is pointless.

"This isn't over, bitch," she growls at me before she walks away. I know it's a veiled threat directed at Edward and me, and not a physical threat.

"Did you really have to hit her?" Riley asks as the crowd starts to break up.

I'm stunned by his question. I cross my arms over my chest and snap at him. "Did you really have to let her hang all over you like that?"

"Are we really going there, Bella?" he asks through gritted teeth. We suddenly notice that our lovers' quarrel is on display for not only our fellow students, but also Edward and Ms. Remy.

"Miss Swan, my office. Now," Edward orders.

I shrug away from Riley and walk past Edward, back toward the school building.

EPOV

This might be the stupidest thing I could ever do, but when it comes to Bella Swan I have no shame. No self preservation. I take a deep breath to calm myself and knock lightly on Liv's office door.

"Come in," she calls out. I push open the door to find her sitting at her desk, a pair of glasses sliding down her nose. She smiles, pulls the glasses off her face, and sets them down on the papers she was just reading.

"Well, hello," she says in greeting. "This is a nice surprise." I shut the door as she stands from her seat and walks around her desk.

I don't know how to go about asking the girl I'm kind of dating to help me with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a student. Maybe I should just get right to the point. "I, ah…I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Should I be worried?" she asks.

"It's about a student," I explain.

"Oh, okay. Have a seat." She motions for me to sit in one of the two chairs in front of her desk. Instead of going back behind her desk, she sits next to me in the other chair. As I look around the room nervously I notice pictures of Chloe, a few fairies, and her degree from Rutgers hanging on the wall.

"I have these," I state as I hand her sealed envelopes which hold Bella's recommendations. "For Bella," I explain.

"Oh. She asked you for all these?"

"Well, she asked for one...but I know she needs significant financial help, so I did some research...and I found a few scholarships where teachers write on behalf a student they feel deserves the help."

"Of course, you feel that student is Bella," Liv states a bit sarcastically, taking the envelopes from me and tossing them on her desk rather carelessly.

"Liv," I start in a warning tone.

"Do you really think that out of every student in this school Bella is the most deserving? Or does it have to do more with your feelings for her? If anyone found out about your relationship and then found out about these scholarship requests, Edward...well, I don't think I need to tell you about the possible ramifications."

"I know how it must look to you, but this does not have anything to do with our past. Bella is a very talented artist. I went in and looked at her finical aid packet. She isn't going to qualify for anything but loans, and that's not going to get her far," I defended.

"Adam Shay," Liv blurts out. "His father works two jobs. His mother cleans houses. He is one of five kids. Adam gets straight A's but he also works to help his family make ends meet so doesn't have time for extracurricular activities, something that is becoming more important for those college applications. He has the same FASFA code as Bella Swan. Minimal assistance. I'm sorry Edward, but I don't believe you have looked at the students' records to see who truly deserves a glowing letter of recommendation for these scholarships."

"And maybe you can't see how much Bella Swan needs the help because all you see when you look at her is the reason for my heartache," I pose.

"Are we fighting over her? I mean...I don't see some high school girl as competition. Should I?" Liv asks as she rises from her chair. She places her hands on her hips in a defensive posture.

What I really want to say is that there is no competition. Bella would always win, hands down. I can't see that being very beneficial to the conversation though, so I keep that thought under wraps. I can be stupid when it comes to Bella, but I can't be a fool.

"If you had no knowledge about my past relationship with Bella, would you even question this?" I ask. Liv remains silent and ignores the question so I continue. "Bella also gets straight A's plus she has talent that surpasses anyone in this school when it comes to her artwork. Regardless of the past summer, I stand by my decisions to recommend her for that scholarship, and any others I see fit. If you think I have ulterior motives, Liv, then why haven't you told me to go to hell yet?"

She doesn't seem to know what to say and I'm shocked that I've remained calm through this whole interaction. I stayed seated in the chair, legs and arms crossed, looking directly at her. I'm just waiting to see what Liv will do next. She finally turns away and brings her hand up to slide across her cheek. I feel bad because she is crying.

"You're right," she whispers. "I'm sorry...I don't know...I mean..." She turns around to face me again and I see her eyes are red rimmed. I stand up and move to comfort her. "I care about you, more than I probably should. I worry sometimes about how you're handling everything, and I am...jealous. When you left the other day...I know it was to go to her."

I couldn't lie to Liv. When I told her something came up suddenly and that I needed to meet someone, she asked me point blank if it was Bella. All I could say was that I would tell her more if I could.

"You know…" I begin, trying to explain that walking away from Bella after everything that has happened isn't even an option. If she needs my support, I will support her.

"I know, Edward! God knows that I know!" she yells as she throws her arms up in obvious frustration. Liv knows there is a lot of history even in the short amount of time Bella and I were together because she knows about the baby. She is one of the few people that know the truth about the baby.

"Is it over?" she asks with a hard stare.

"It's been over for a while," I lie. The lie isn't even for me. It's to protect Bella.

"Then why won't you give me more? What are you waiting for?" Liv asks in exasperation.

"I'm waiting until the day I'm able to give you as much as you give me," I reply.

She nods her head, looks down, and then wipes more tears off her cheeks. "I feel like such an idiot," she confesses with a roll of her eyes.

"Hey, don't do that," I say as I wrap her in a hug. When I pull away I place my hands on either side of her face. I kiss her wet cheeks, then her nose. My hands smooth her dark hair before my lips slowly descend to hers.

"I can give more for now," she whispers as the kiss ends. "It's hard to keep doing this with you when I feel like you aren't even trying. I feel like you hold me at a distance...like your waiting for her to come back, but keeping me close just in case she doesn't."

"You need us labeled to continue?" I ask. I can tell she needs me to make a choice.

Liv sighs and it sounds like she has the weight on the world on her shoulders. "I can't do this in between thing anymore. I'm sorry, Edward."

"I'm sorry, Liv. I guess you'll just have to deal with the baggage of a boyfriend that happens to teach his ex girlfriend," I offer with a grin.

Liv smiles and I pull her closer to me, kissing her while she laughs against my mouth.

Suddenly, her office door swings open and a student stands in the doorway. "Ms. Remy...oh...Sorry," he laughs and quickly steps back outside and closes the door.

"Great," I mumble.

Liv just laughs. "I guess we need to be more careful, huh, boyfriend?"

I place a chaste kiss on her lips. "Yes, I think so. I better let you get back to work now."

As I leave the office I hold the door open for the student that barged in a few seconds before. "Knocking is normally what one does before entering an office. I suggest you try it next time," I tell him with a stern look. He mumbles an apology, and I'm surprised that the news of our kiss is not all over the school by the end of the day.

The end of the day is a disaster in its own right though. I thought we got lucky because the young man did not spread rumors, but I should have known better.

As I'm monitoring the halls at the end of the day I'm told there is a fight in the school parking lot. Liv and I rush out to break it up. I am disappointed, worried and angry that Bella is smack dab in the middle of the melee. Once we break up the fight I discreetly tell Liv she can leave before escorting Bella back into the school. She walks with her head down and when we reach my office she drops her bag on the floor and slumps in the seat.

I rub my face and pace behind my desk. I worked to keep my emotions in check in front of the crowd but the truth is that I am furious. I just went through a lot of effort to help Bella with college scholarships and letters and here she is fighting at school.

Then there's the issue with Bree. I know she put two and two together and it could just be a matter of days before everyone finds out the truth, and the truth is that all summer I was sleeping with a minor.

I stop pacing to look at Bella. She looks up at me and I notice there's blood at the corner of her mouth and scratch marks down her face. "Fuck," I mumble, grabbing a tissue from my desk and walking over to clean her up.

Her eyes are wide and anxious as I kneel in front of her to wipe the blood from her face. "Are you okay?" I ask softly. She nods and takes the tissue from me.

"What happened?" I probe.

Bella shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "It was stupid. Whenever people say stuff about the baby it's like something inside me snaps," she explains.

"That's not stupid," I assure her. "You can't go freaking out though. I can't look the other way for fighting on school grounds."

"I know," she says, staring into her lap.

"I'm a little apprehensive about giving you a punishment over this. By this time tomorrow that Bree girl could have me fired..."

"Then she will really know what it means to get her ass beat," Bella interrupts.

I know my eyes bug out at her protective reaction and I grin at her, mostly in shock. I have never heard her talk like this before. Although I find it a bit amusing I don't find any reassurance in the threat. I don't see Bree letting the threat of physical harm stop her from telling everyone who Bella dated all summer. "As scary as that sounds coming from you, I don't honestly think Bree cares."

Bella finally looks up at me. "She cares about Riley. Riley cares about me. She won't utter a word if she wants Riley. Plus, what proof does she have? It's her word against ours, and she's obviously out to get me, so I don't think you should worry."

I nod slowly. I can't keep my eyes off her, even in her disheveled state. For a few tense moments we are just Edward and Bella again…until I can shake the feeling off.

"So…Saturday school for a month?" Bella finally asks, breaking the silence.

"Two...and I'll forget to file it in your permanent record. We wouldn't want this to mess up any chance you have at scholarships or college acceptances," I remind her.

Bella nods, stands up slowly and moves toward the door. Half way there her movements still and she turns toward me. I can tell she's battling something because she has her eyes closed and she is chewing on her bottom lip. She opens her mouth, but no sound comes out.

"What is it, Bella?" I ask tentatively.

Bella simply shakes her head. "Nothing. Thanks, Mr. Cullen," is all she says before she walks out of the office with her head down.

UtB

The next few days pass quickly. Bella was right about Bree, as it appears she hasn't said anything about what she knows. Liv and I were wrong, however. Everyone is whispering about Mr. Cullen and Ms. Remy. It's embarrassing to say the least.

I'm in my office early one morning, and am surprised when Liv knocks on the open door.

"I brought some bagels and coffee," she says, placing a cup of Wawa coffee on my desk.

"Thanks," I offer, standing up to place a grateful kiss on her cheek.

We chat while we eat. She fills me in on the progress of the play. Opening night and my family's upcoming visit are both happening this weekend. Liv can't wait to meet Alice and Jasper and really wants them all to come see the play.

Out of the blue, Liv says, "Riley is amazing."

"Oh?" I respond in surprise.

"Yeah. He wasn't into it at first, but Edward, you should see him now. I mean, if people think he is a talented football player they should see him as George. Seriously, they ain't seen nothing yet," she tells me through a sip of coffee. "And the sets…they look great thanks to my wonderful boyfriend."

"I just supervised," I remind her with a smile. "Bella did most of the design and work." I don't know if Liv is offended by the fact that I brought Bella's name into the conversation, but when I glance back at Liv she doesn't show any sign of aggravation.

"I better get out of here before all the kids start showing up. There will be all sorts of new rumor fodder if they see me walking out of here," Liv says teasingly.

I stand up and walk her to the door. "Wouldn't want any rumors about sex in the principal's office, huh?" I tease back.

"No. If we're going to have sex on school grounds then the art room would be much better for that," she kids with a wink. I laugh and pull her back for a quick kiss.

She laughs too and fumbles with the door knob. When she finally gets the door open she pushes away from me with a roll of her eyes. "Bye," she says with a stern playfulness in her voice.

When Liv turns around, she notices Mrs. Cope watching our interaction. "Good morning," Liv greets.

"For some," Mrs. Cope replies with a knowing smile.

Liv and I are both surprised to see Mrs. Cope because she doesn't normally get here this early.

I try not to laugh as I watch Liv leave. It's not so bad getting caught by faculty. It's the students that concern me. The faculty does gossip more than the students actually. It's really hard to listen to them gossip about the students sometimes. I have had to stop myself several times when I heard them talk about Bella.

"A lot of girls are upset," Mrs. Cope offers, hanging up her jacket.

"Why is that?" I ask, perplexed.

"Because you are no longer on the market," she answers with a playful smile.

"I didn't realize I was a hot commodity," I respond with a laugh.

"Don't you see the way all these girls stare at you, Edward?"

Being the geek I was I didn't notice. It's not like I have a huge amount of experience when it comes to girls and dating in general. In high school, I dated Jane the bookworm. Then there was Kate. Then Izzy…well, Bella. Now Liv. I have no idea where my life is leading me, but I can't just watch it pass me by.

"Oh yeah. I mean they camp outside my house," I joke, taking a sip of my coffee.

"I think Bella Swan might be the most heartbroken," she adds. I nearly spit out my coffee at that remark. "Now don't tell me you don't notice the way she always watches you or the way she follows you around."

"She is a student," I reinforce.

Mrs. Cope gives a small chuckle. "Wouldn't be the first time a student ever had a crush on a teacher."

I shake my head, hoping to get off this topic. I have to shrug this off and kill any thoughts that might connect me to Bella and cause more speculation.

UtB

Later that evening I'm at home, waiting for Liv and trying to get as much as possible done so that when my family comes to visit I can focus my time on them.

Liv was dropping Chloe off at her father's before she came by. She told me she wanted to make a nice, home cooked meal and I wasn't going to complain. It's a nice change of pace because it's not as if I go out of my way to cook for myself.

I had already tidied up a bit and moved on to reviewing art journals. Angel sits on the couch with me, snoring softly. Sometimes she really does live up to her name.

I pick up Bella's journal and eagerly anticipate what I will find inside. Her journal may not always make me happy but I always enjoy this little glimpse into her mind and heart.

She has written: There are things worse than walls. Terrible... and beautiful. If we look at them for too long they will burn right through us. Truths we couldn't bear. Not every day.

The drawing depicts a girl surrounded by walls, almost as if she were inside a maze. Fire and smoke surround her. A young girl stares straight ahead and it almost feels as if the drawing is making eye contact with me. The effect is extremely intense.

Within the maze are drawings that possibly represent the things, or truths, the young woman can't bear. An empty cradle. Another, slightly older, woman.

I write back, as I always do, "In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." I can only hope it will offer her the kind of encouragement I know she needs.

I set her journal down on the table and walk into the kitchen to get a beer while I wait for Liv. Almost immediately, Liv knocks on the door and then pushes it open. I greet her as she puts a few grocery bags down on the kitchen island.

"Hey, handsome," she says with a smile as she unloads the bags. I kiss the top of her head and offer her a beer.

"Oh crap!" she exclaims suddenly.

"What is it?" I ask, a little concerned.

"I forgot the wine," she frowns.

"Oh, no big deal. I have some white."

"I really need Red," she almost whines. I'm not sure if I find her tone annoying or humorous.

"I can run and get some," I offer.

"You are the best boyfriend," she says with a big smile. Then she reaches up, wraps her arms around my neck, and presses her lips to mine. Her mouth opens and I taste the mint on her breath.

I pull her closer, my lips moving to nibble the skin on her neck by her ear. "And what does the best boyfriend get in return?"

"Mmmmm," she moans. The sound goes straight to my dick. "Wouldn't you like to know."

I squeeze her ass. "Yes, I really would like to know," I tell her, pressing my hardness against her.

"You have to be the best boyfriend in the entire world, or RPattz, to get that," she says with a chuckle as my hand kneads her ass cheek.

"Fuck," I mumble against her neck. "You're a dirty girl."

She laughs, and pushes me away. "Hurry, before the store closes."

"And a tease," I complain with a shake of my head as I grab my car keys and jacket.

As I drive to the store, I can't stop thinking about the fact that Liv is an amazing woman who makes me happy. I'm truly happy. Our time together is not forced. It's fun and it's real. I don't compare her… to anyone. I just want to let life lead me and right now, and I do feel led toward Liv. She is smart, beautiful, funny, caring…and she is an adult. I do not want to ruin the possibility of a real relationship with her.

I'm on cloud nine as I walk back into the townhouse with my purchase. I finally feel like I've come to terms with my life and am ready to let Liv in.

The bounce leaves my step as I see Liv sitting on the couch with Bella's open art journal on her lap. I'm completely shocked and have no idea what to do.

"Is this...this is what you two do? You speak in code about how fucked up it is that you can't be together?" Liv yells.

I understand that she's angry about what she saw but she should not have been reading the journals in the first place. Her lack of consideration infuriates me. "I can't believe you would look at those after I told you that the students hand them in trusting that I will keep their confidence!" I yell back as I take the journal from her hand.

"This has nothing to do with your students' trust. No, you didn't want me to see the way you...and that girl..." she sneers in disgust.

"What should I do, Liv? Pretend it never happened? Ignore her when she needs me? I can't just walk away from her! We share things...and if she needs me to help her out, I won't deny her a little support!"

"You won't deny her anything, will you?"

"No, I won't deny her any help or support," I respond

"That's not what I asked," Liv snaps maliciously.

"You know what I thought about all the way to the store?" I walk over to her, kneel down and take her face in my hands. "I'm happy. You make me happy. I wouldn't be here, with you, if that wasn't true. You are an amazing woman. Please, Liv, you have to understand that responding to her in her journal was the only way I had to let her know that…that I didn't abandon her. That she didn't have to deal with the miscarriage and hurt by herself."

Liv pulls her face from my hands and looks away. I still reach up to wipe away the tear that slides down her face. "I know you're hurt, Liv, but I'm here with you. I've been honest about my feelings and I took a huge step to show you how much I want you. I thought you understood my relationship with Bella."

"It's just hard to see it," she says with a sniffle.

Therein lies the problem. "You weren't meant to see it because these are supposed to be private. I can't tell her she can't work out her feelings in private because that's the whole point or the activity. I can't ignore them either. I have to do what I can, even if it's only something small."

"Those quotes are not small by any means, Edward. They are powerful and I can tell you've put a great deal of thought into them."

"We lost a child together, Liv. What do you expect me to do?" She looks down at her lap and I can't help but push a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I'm with you though, right where I want to be," I whisper to her again.

Liv is quiet for a moment before she looks up into my eyes. I'm fixed in place by her emotional stare. "Be with me tonight," she whispers back, before kissing me.

**See you on Facebook for teasers! **


	19. Chapter 19

**SM owns. **

**Nothing will ever get more lemony between any non-canon pairings. **

**Agree, disagree, hate it, love it - feel it. That's the most important thing. **

**If E and B are together the story is over. There is no story to tell if there is no conflict. **

**40 chapters. Almost halfway there, and after this chapter, time moves faster. **

**Chapter 19**: Red Heels

"Be with me tonight," Liv whispers back before kissing me.

"Tonight?" I ask as I pull away, surprised. She nods, biting her lip.

I slide one of my hands into her soft hair while the other cups the side of her face. "As much as I want that, and I really want that, tonight's not a good idea. My family's coming in, remember?"

Liv huffs and jerks her head from my hands before stepping away from me completely. I see disappointment in her eyes as she turns and walks into the kitchen where she starts pulling items out of the grocery bags and placing them on the counter with more force than necessary.

"Hey," I call, following her into the kitchen. "Talk to me, Liv."

"I'm okay. I should be used to rejection at this age," she mumbles as she starts chopping cucumbers.

I gently grab her by the shoulders and turn her so I can look directly into her eyes. "I'm not rejecting you," I state, hoping my true feelings are evident on my face.

"Telling me that tonight won't work is definitely rejecting me, Edward."

"Do you really want to spend our first night together with my parents, my sister and my sister's fiancée in the house? Call me crazy but that sounds like a definite romance killer. Do you see where I'm coming from?" I ask.

With a heavy sigh, Liv looks down at the floor and then nods once. I place a chaste kiss on her forehead and let her return to preparing the food.

I decide to set the table as Liv continues prepping supper. She doesn't talk and the tension in the room is thick. While I am still upset that she looked through the journals I also feel some guilt over her need to see what was inside Bella's journal specifically. I hate how insecure Liv feels, and I hate that I can't reassure her that she has nothing to worry about.

While I know how much she cares about me and how much she wants our relationship to work, I also know how confused I am about everything. I just want to let go of my inhibitions so things can progress naturally. It feels like Liv is starting to force things though, and no matter how much I want to give her everything she's looking for, I just can't do that yet.

"Are you still angry?" I finally ask, breaking the silence that has lingered over us for the last half hour.

She shakes her head and looks up. "Only at myself," she admits. "You know how I feel about you. You're such a wonderful guy that I really didn't have any choice but to fall for you."

She looks away for a second before continuing. "And you were worth the risk because I really thought I could fix you. What I wasn't willing to see, was that you might not want to be fixed. Maybe you don't want to get over her. And if that's the case, why am I here? Am I here as some, like…place holder? But that doesn't make sense either, since you haven't even tried to do more than kiss me. Now I find myself acting immature and demonstrating my insecurities…and I'm really disgusted with myself for looking in that journal," she rambles.

I walk over and take her hand. We both stare at our joined hands for a moment, as if the answers to all our questions are written on our skin. I finally say, "Right now my life feels like a bowl full of fishhooks. I can't pick up just one idea or feeling and examine it without several more issues getting stuck to it. It takes time to get everything untangled."

She looks up at me. "Be honest with me…as honest as you can be," she begs. She holds her breath, then whispers, "Please."

"I would…," I start to answer too quickly. Liv's eyes are begging me to continue, and they show both hopefulness and fear. I owe her the truth though so I finally finish with, "If I could have Izzy, you wouldn't be here."

She swallows hard and steps back. I run my hand through my hair in agitation, and again, think about how much this whole situation sucks.

"What's really going on, Edward?" she asks.

I take a deep breath and attempt to explain what is happening in my crazy life. "You want me to be honest? Well, here's honest. Bella wants to be a normal teenager, and since she is, it's not the right time to have a relationship with her. When she told me, I wanted to wait for her. I told her to live her life, to grow up, get her education, and then come back to me because I would wait for her. That's not how life works though. Neither of us are sure where life will take us. Plus, if she knows that I'm sitting here waiting for her to come back, then is she ever truly free?

"I'm trying to come to terms with all that while trying hard as I can to fight this attraction I have for you, because I don't think it's right. I'm confused because I don't know if I'm leading you on or not." I grasp her hand as I continue because this might be the hardest part for Liv to hear. "If Bella Swan walks back into my life two years down the road, or even ten years for that matter, I'm not sure if I'd be able to let her walk away again."

Liv's shoulders slump and her face turns toward the floor. I can tell I've hurt her with the honesty that she asked for. "I also don't know how to focus on just one thing at a time because I can't separate my life into neat little boxes. Everything seems inter-related and connected to each other. No matter how hard I try I just can't sort through any of them."

I reach for Liv's chin and tilt her head back up so I can look into her eyes. "I love someone that is unattainable but I do have strong feelings for you, too. I am trying, really trying, to just let life lead me through each day, because I do know I can't control shit. I also know that right now, you are one of the only people that can make me laugh and I don't want you to walk away."

Liv narrows her eyes and asks, "So hypothetically, if this relationship continues I have to live with the fear that she could turn up one day in the future and you might go back to her?"

I hate the implications of her question, but she wants honesty, so I nod stiffly and hope for the best. "I'm truly sorry. I understand if you need to walk away, if you're not sure if it's worth the risk. I wish I could promise you all the things you want, but I can't."

Liv takes her hands and cups my face. "You are definitely worth the risk, Edward. I just need you to be honest with me. Always let me know where I stand because I won't fight a losing battle."

I pull her towards me, and as I place my forehead against hers I notice that her eyes close. There is nothing else I can say. No promises I can make to reassure her, other than the fact that I'm here, I'm trying, and that in this moment I want her.

We only have a few moments of silence together before the sound of car doors slamming alert us that my family has arrived. I can tell Liv is nervous as she straightens out her skirt.

"You look great," I whisper, grabbing her hand. "You don't need to worry about anything." I place an encouraging kiss on her forehead and she gives me a tentative smile.

There's a knock on the door followed by my sister's voice saying, "Oh mom, don't be silly. Just walk in."

"Al, he lives here now. Respect the man's privacy," Jasper scolds.

When I open the door I am met by the four smiling faces of my family. Alice throws herself across the threshold and wraps her arms around my waist. "You're really alive, not just a recording," she squeals in mock surprise. She looks up at my face and says, "I was getting worried," before she sees Liv, shrieks, and runs off to greet her.

"Oh, it's so good to see you, Edward!" Mom says, flinging herself at me just like Alice.

"Hi, Ma," I greet her with a laugh.

Dad enters next with another hug, followed by Jazz who shakes my hand and says, "Good to see you, dude." I nod in return.

Once I've finished greeting my family and Jasper, Liv comes to stand by me so I can introduce her to my parents. "Liv, this is my mom, Esme, and my dad, Carlisle. Mom, dad…this is Liv, my girlfriend."

"It's nice to finally meet you," Liv says with a warm smile as she extends her hand to my mom.

Mom won't stand for that and instead, reaches over and pulls Liv into a hug. In response to the surprise on Liv's face my dad says, "What can I say? We're huggers," and offers an embrace of his own.

Mom immediately grabs Liv's hand and leads her towards the sofa, talking animatedly the whole way. I head into the kitchen to talk to Alice and Jasper.

"Edward, dear," Mom calls from the living room. "What happened to my sofa?"

As if on cue, Angel barks from the back yard. I open the door and she scampers through the house with Jasper and Alice hot on her tail. I know exactly when she introduces herself to Mom by the loud shriek.

"I hope it's not a problem...but I got a dog."

UtB

As the evening progresses everyone seems to relax and enjoy the time together. Liv's food is a hit, which calms her down immensely, and conversation flows freely. Chloe is a hot topic and Mom asks Liv a lot of questions about the little girl. Liv lets Mom know that Chloe will actually be at the play tomorrow.

If I had to guess, I would say that Mom and Dad like her.

One thing I don't have to guess at is the fact that Alice is a bit standoffish with Liv all evening. The question is why.

Eventually, Dad yawns and puts his arm around Mom. "Okay, bedtime for this old guy," he announces, kissing mom's forehead. Alice and Jasper agree with a nod, saying they are going to turn in for the night, too.

As the three of them leave the room Mom gets up and starts to clear the table. Liv and I begin to help, only to have her shoo us out of the kitchen. "No, no, Liv. You cooked. I clean," Mom explains. We protest, but she sticks to her guns, finally smacking me in the chest, pointing out the door and saying, "Go," in her mom voice. Funny how that still works.

Liv and I retire to the living room for some quiet time. As we sit on the sofa, my hand in hers, I realize I don't want her to leave. I don't want her to get the wrong idea and she wants me to be honest. "I don't want you to go. Can you stay tonight? " I ask softly.

"Sure," she says with a smile. "I'll just get Chloe before the play tomorrow. I'm tired though. Is it okay of I go on upstairs and get ready for bed?"

"Of course," I reply as I pull her from the sofa and lead her upstairs to my room.

Once inside I find a shirt and shorts for her to sleep in. Liv walks into the bathroom to change. As I wait for her to come out again I notice Angel asleep on the floor. The unusual part is that she has her head stuck under the bed.

"She is such a weird dog," Liv says as she walks out of the bathroom.

"No, she's a sweetheart and she looks cute," I respond with a teasing poke to Liv's side that makes her giggle. "You, on the other hand, look nice…in my clothes," I tell her breathlessly as I pull her to me for a kiss.

The kiss starts out innocently, but we both get caught up in the moment. Liv reaches up to twine her fingers in my hair. The sensation feels wonderful and I moan into her mouth. When we finally pull away from each other we are both breathing hard.

"I don't want this to sound rude, but when are they leaving again?" she whines. I know she's joking but her voice is so pitiful that I have to chuckle.

"The the day after New Year's," I answer.

Her face falls as she nods.

"Don't worry. We won't have to wait that long," I reassure her. She looks up at me, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm going to check on Mom before bed. I'll be back up in a minute." I quickly kiss her again before I walk away, closing the door behind me.

I find Mom downstairs in the kitchen washing dishes and move to stand next to her at the counter. "You know, the whole point of having a dishwasher is so you don't have to wash the dishes yourself," I tease. Her only response is to hit me with a towel. I grab it from her and start drying.

"Believe it or not, it relaxes me," she says. "Enough about me though. How are you doing, sweetheart?"

I groan because I realize she just pulled one of the oldest tricks in the book on me. I should have known that the only reason she is still up is to interrogate me, or as she calls it, have a chat.

"I'm doing good, Ma," I reply flatly.

She looks at me for a moment before she continues. "So…Liv. She's nice."

"Yeah, we…" I begin, only to have her cut me off.

"I just hope you aren't with her for the wrong reasons," Mom says as she shoots me a sideways glance with a raised eyebrow. I just look back at her in confusion. "Do you really want me to spell it out?"

"I guess you're going to have to because I don't know what you mean," I answer with a shrug of my shoulders.

Mom sighs heavily before she goes on. "Fine. I hope you aren't using her to replace Izzy. That wouldn't be fair…to either one of you."

I try not to be frustrated by her insinuation. I should be used to her psycho-analyzing me by now but somehow she almost always catches me off guard and surprises me.

Since she's being blunt I guess I should be too. "I understand what you're saying, Mom, but you don't need to worry. No one could ever replace Bella. I do like Liv though. A lot more than I thought I would actually. It's..." I trail off and rub my hands over my face. It's so hard to explain my feelings to someone else when I really need someone who can explain them to me.

"This is not something that just happened overnight. Our relationship has been building for four months. My life has been a mess lately and she's been there for me through it all. The thought of going on with my life is hard, but the idea of ignoring everyone because I had my heart broken is even worse. I don't want to end up old and bitter. Liv's been there for everything so I can be open with her about what I'm feeling. She knows everything"

"Everything?" my mom questions.

"Yes," I respond, looking into her curious eyes.

I suddenly wonder if my mom knows about Bella's pregnancy. I didn't tell her but I never asked my father to keep it a secret either. Mom answers my unspoken question when she says, "Please don't get mad at your father. Poor man can't keep anything from me."

I nod to reassure her I'm not angry. I'm actually glad because now I don't have to tell her myself.

She stops washing dishes and turns toward me. "I am proud of you, Edward. So very proud." Before I can say anything else she envelopes me in a warm hug that I can't help but return.

We finish up in the kitchen and head upstairs together. "I'm glad you guys came." I tell her, as we climb the stairs. We stop in front of my parents' room and I hug her again and say goodnight.

As I continue down the hall I hear huffing and mumbling coming from my room. When I open the door I can barely contain my laughter. It appears that Liv and Angel are sitting on the bed locked in the midst of a staring match.

"All I want to do is go to sleep! Lay on that side!" Liv cries in exasperation as she pushes against the dog.

I can't hold it in any more and both "girls" turn their head toward me when they hear my laughter. Angel jumps over Liv, who shrieks, making me laugh even harder. I can tell Liv doesn't think it's funny at all by the glare she shoots me.

"To be fair, you are sleeping in her spot," I kid as I walk toward my closet. As I walk I pull my shirt over my head without thinking. I turn back to look at Liv when I hear her sharp intake of breath.

"Are you trying to kill me?" she asks.

I give her what I hope is a flirtatious grin as I shake my head. I slip my pants off as I look directly into her eyes and stand before her in nothing but my boxers.

"Seriously?" she asks sarcastically. "I mean, not that I'm complaining..." she says with a playful grin.

At this point all I can do is laugh as I walk into the bathroom. Just before I reach the bathroom door something hits me in the back. I turn around to see that Liv is still in bed, smiling at me devilishly.

I look down to see what hit me and find her shirt puddled on the floor at my feet.

As I stare at the shirt on the floor another piece of fabric joins it. "Two can play that game," she giggles as I reach down and pick her shorts up off the floor.

"Angel... out," I order, pointing to the door but keeping my eyes on Liv. I look away long enough to open it for her.

I turn back around to find Liv watching me. "You know, it's not fair that you can see my chest..." I trail off.

"You're right. How could we solve that?" she asks.

One million ideas run through my head, but no good can come from any of them tonight.

"Come to bed, Edward," Liv calls, throwing her bra at me. It hits me right in the middle of my chest where I automatically catch it. I curse under my breath as I drop the bra and walk over to the bed where I climb in and hover over her. Her eyes are wide with anticipation and she's so, so beautiful as she looks into my eyes. It would be so easy to throw caution to the wind right now.

After what feels like several painfully long minutes I finally find the strength to speak. "We should put clothes on. This will lead to all sorts of trouble... no matter how great it would be," I say, and finally lean down to kiss her.

She groans as I leave the bed to retrieve her shirt. After I give Liv's back I also put one on myself, even though that makes Liv pout. All the resolve I have doesn't stop me from climbing back on top of her and kissing her. We make out like teenagers for a while but eventually fall asleep. After a good night's rest, I wake up with my arms wrapped around my girlfriend.

I have to admit…this feels nice.

UtB

"Good morning, Mrs. Cope" I say, as I enter the office.

She smiles at the greeting. "You seem happy, Mr. Cullen. Big day today, right?"

"Sure is," I reply, returning her smile.

And it is, for several reasons. This happens to be the last day of school before winter break. The play is also tonight. Last but not least, Liv stayed over last night and we went together to pick up Chloe and drop her off at daycare. Yes, it's definitely a big day.

I've been in my office grading papers for an hour or two when Mrs. Cope's voice sounds over the intercom. "Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan is here to see you."

My heart races before I call, "Send her in."

The door opens, but the person on the other side is not who I expected. Instead of Bella, there is an older woman waiting for me. My heart races for a totally different reason than it did initially, until I remember that this is Bella's Mom and I have a meeting scheduled with her today.

I stand up to introduce myself. On the outside I'm calm, confident and charming. Unfortunately, on the inside I'm panicking. She's only seen me once so I don't know if she will recognize me.

I invite Ms. Swan to take a seat and she gets right to the point. "Can I ask you a question, Mr. Cullen?"

I want to say no. I want her to get out of my office as quickly as possible so she doesn't realize that I am the older guy who her daughter dated all summer. Instead, I nod.

"I have an older son who used to get into all kinds of trouble. He was always suspended for fighting. Not that I'm complaining, but why wasn't Bella suspended?"

Well, this question is easy. "Bella doesn't have a behavior problem and from the accounts of witnesses, she was provoked. With that being said, she could have handled the situation differently. I also understand that this year has been especially difficult for Bella. She has been faced with a lot of problems that any teenager would struggle to deal with."

"But Riley had to deal with the same problems and he seems to be handling it fine,"Ms. Swan commented.

"Riley may be handling it well, but we shouldn't use his behavior as a guide for hers or underestimate how hard it is for Bella." If only I could explain why Riley hasn't had the same difficulties as Bella. "I don't mean to over step my boundaries, but have you thought about taking her to talk to someone...professionally?"

"I don't see why," Ms. Swan answers with a shake of her head. "Maybe if she was still pregnant, but the real issue took care of itself. Do you really think she needs to see someone?"

"I think it could help. Just give it some thought. Maybe even talk to her about it?" I hope she will take all this to heart and get Bella some help, but based on the things I know about Bella's relationship with her mom I'm really not going to hold my breath.

She nods and responds, "Okay. Thank you for the suggestions."

This seems like a great place to end our meeting. "I don't mean to rush you out, but I have a class to teach. If you have any questions, please feel free to call me," I offer with a smile.

Just as I think I'm about to make a clean get away, Ms. Swan stands and says, "Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar but I can't place you. It's been bothering me non-stop," she says with a laugh.

I panic and attempt to think of an answer that with appease her but also keep her from asking any more questions. "I don't know. Maybe I just have one of those faces."

"Oh, no way. I'd remember a face like yours. You must have been a friend of Emmett's," she comments with a shrug, and grabs her bag.

I open the door to let her leave, thinking I'm in the clear. At the last minute she turns around.

"I'm glad you called me and I'll consider what you said. Thank you, Mr. Cullen."

"No problem," I respond. I guess today was even bigger than I thought.

**BPOV**

"People are gonna give me shit for this," Riley groans just moments before his upcoming performance. He and I are currently in the room backstage where they keep all the costumes. I came back to wish him luck only to find him pacing nervously.

I don't think he's anxious about his performance in the play, just what people will say about his participation afterward. It's not exactly cool to be in the drama club crowd. His plan was to do it half ass, like he didn't give a shit, but he does care. Once he started practicing he really got into it and Kelsey has been talking nonstop about the great job he's been doing.

"It will be fine," I reassure him. "Who gives a shit if people give you a hard time. I'm so over what other people think. Besides, you know what I think?" I ask with a playful smile as I walk toward him and place my hands on his chest.

"What do you think, Bella?" he asks with a grin.

He looks so good in the costume which consists of a white button down shirt and brown slacks with suspenders. He also has a vest and this cute brown hat that he hasn't put on yet. "I think you make a fine ass George," I answer as I rise up on the tips of my toes to kiss him.

Riley gets into the kiss and pushes me back into the rack of clothes. I push the suspenders off his shoulders, then let my hands glide over his chest and arms. He puts his hands under my butt and lifts me up so I can wrap my legs around him. I can feel that he is already rock hard as I move myself against him. He groans, setting me on the small desk in the corner of the room. I start to fumble with his pants but he grabs my wrists and stops me. I look into his eyes to see what the problem is.

"Not now," he pants.

"You can't go out there with blue balls," I tease, kissing along his neck. I know he has given in when his grip on my wrists loosens and I move his hands out of the way so I can open the fly on his pants.

At that moment, Kelsey and Ms. Remy walk into the room. I'm pretty sure they know what was about to happen as I don't think we detached ourselves quick enough and Riley is pulling the suspenders back onto his shoulders. I sit cross legged on the desk and try to look bored, but from the look on Ms. Remy's face, I don't think the act is working.

"Did you need to finish with the sets, Bella?" Ms. Remy asks with a tight lipped smile.

"No, Edward came in earlier…" I stop in the middle of my thought when I realize I just used Edward's given name.

"Edward?" Kelsey asks. "Who is Edward?"

"You mean Mr. Cullen," Ms. Remy corrects coldly.

"Yeah, Mr. Cullen said he finished setting up earlier," I finish and look down at the floor.

It appears that Kelsey doesn't want to let the statement slide though. "You call him Edward? I knew you guys spent a lot of time together with the whole art thing, and everyone knows you are his favorite because you weren't suspended for fighting, but he lets you call him Edward?"

"Only outside of school," I lie. "He's a friend…or my brother Emmett's." I want to end this discussion so I hop off the desk, give Riley a kiss on his cheek with a whispered "Good luck" and then practically run from the room.

Emmett, Rose, and mom are all coming tonight to see Riley perform. I make my way to the lobby outside the auditorium where I find Emmett hovering possessively over the dessert table. I wave and make my way over to him. When I get there, he puts his arm around me and kisses the side of my head.

"Where's mom and Rose?"

"Bathroom. Rose always has to go and for some unknown reason you woman have to go in pairs, so mom went with her." Emmett and I share a laugh before he lets me go and asks, "How's Riley holding up?"

"He is really nervous, stage freight or whatever," I answer and almost roll my eyes. Riley is usually so confident and everyone has this crazy respect for him, so it's odd to see him anxious over this.

We wait for Rose and Mom before making our way into the auditorium and to our reserved seats. I'm not sure who organized the seats but I notice six seats with the name Cullen right next to the four labeled Swan.

"That's just great," I mumble.

Rose must notice the seating too because she squeezes my hand and offers me a smile. "Don't worry. It will be fine," she whispers.

My mom files in first, then me, followed by Emmett and Rose. I want to ask Rose to switch seats with me because I don't want to be this close to the Cullens, to Edward in particular. I wonder who the sixth seat is for, but only for a moment as I suddenly hear running feet and a little girl's laughter.

I turn my head to see Jasper chasing Ms. Remy's daughter through the theater. He isn't fast enough though and Chloe makes it on stage and disappears behind the curtain. Alice stomps after them, looking angrily at Jasper for letting the little girl get away. Alice starts up the stairs just as Edward appears with Chloe on his hip. He is wearing black slacks with a green short sleeve button down shirt. He hardly ever wears suits to school anymore. I assume it's because art class can be pretty messy.

"Dude, I'm sorry," Jasper apologizes.

"No harm, no foul," Edward replies with a shrug as he walks toward the reserved seats.

Mom leans over and whispers, "Your new vice principal is very good looking, Bella. He was also very nice during our meeting. I didn't know he had kids." Her innocent statement feels like a knife to my heart.

Edward greets his parents and waves them into the reserved seats. I try to hide as Esme takes the seat next to Renee but it's useless. I know she sees me and I feel a fresh wave of guilt about what I did last summer. The thought of facing them actually makes my stomach lurch.

"Mr. Cullen, it's so nice to see you again," Renee greets Edward.

He smiles at her and says, "You as well, Ms. Swan."

"I didn't know you had a daughter. She's beautiful."

"Thank you, but she isn't mine," he chuckles.

Esme and Carlisle notice me, as do Alice and Jasper. Before they can say anything to me Edward announces, "Bella is a student here and she did most of the sets tonight," acting like I've never met his family…solely for my mother's benefit.

Edward's gaze lingers on me, specifically the necklace I am wearing as my fingers play with it nervously. It's long and chunky with different shades of silver throughout, but the reason he keeps staring is probably because he bought it for me over the summer.

All the lies.

Edward finally looks away when Carlisle says, "I saw some backstage, Bella. You're very talented," in order to keep up with the new lie.

"Th-thank you," I stutter quietly.

My mom introduces herself to Edward's family and then Alice and Jasper walk around to talk to Rose and Emmett. They congratulate them on the pregnancy and then Alice shows off her engagement ring. I sit quietly and wish I was a chameleon. I never wanted to fade away more than I do now as I try not to stare at Edward holding _her_ daughter.

"Bella's boyfriend is in the play," I hear my mom explain to Edward's parents. My mom goes on to tell them Riley is playing George, and how proud she is of him…how he feels like her son. She sounds like a proud parent. Of course, with all the time Riley has spent at our house, Renee actually insists that he call her mom. He loves that because his mom is such a stuck up bitch and he has been raised mostly by live in nannies. Riley and Emmett even act like brothers.

I notice Ms. Remy peek out from behind the curtain and search the audience. She looks a bit frantic. Her eyes land on me and she starts walking in my direction which makes me even more nervous than I already was.

When I saw Ms. Remy earlier she was just wearing jeans, but she is all done up now. I guess she wanted to look nice since she's the director. She comes down the stairs, pulling down her cream colored, long sleeved mini dress. The dress is really tight and her red high heels click against the wood of the stage. Her legs look nice…but mine are nicer.

I argued with my mom before we left because I didn't want to dress up but she said I should look nice for Riley. To make her happy I put on a black and white plaid dress. It's not super tight, but it is super short. I wore my red heels as well, which makes me want to throw up now that I see Ms. Remy's outfit.

"Hey, everything okay?" Edward asks as Ms. Remy reaches our row of seats.

"Ah, I came for Bella. Riley is a mess back there. Maybe you can calm him down?" she asks looking at me with pleading eyes.

"Oh…sure. Excuse me." I stand and try to squeeze past everyone.

Edward is still standing in the main aisle with Chloe. I have to watch as Ms. Remy tries to take her from Edward's arms only to have the little girl grab onto him and say, "No, Mommy. I stay wif Edward."

Ms. Remy gives in and lets go of Chloe. "Okay. Just give Momma a kiss before I have to go." I'm glad I'm walking away and that they fade into the background as I make my way up the stage to find Riley.

When I do find him I realize Ms. Remy was not exaggerating. Riley is definitely freaking out. If she and Kelsey hadn't interrupted us earlier we probably wouldn't be dealing with this problem now.

The play starts soon, and I do my best to calm Riley and encourage him that everything will be over soon. He only has to do this for two weekends and then he never has to get on a stage again if he doesn't want to. I have a feeling he has been bitten by the acting bug and that won't be the case but we'll deal with that another day.

"What if I forget my lines?" he asks as he paces in front of me, wringing his hands as if his life depends on it.

I step in front of him to stop his movement and grasp his biceps. "Then Edward will look bad for making you do this," I tease with a wry grin.

He takes a deep breath and releases it before he reaches over to play with the long silver necklace hanging from my neck. "I've never seen you wear these before. Just get them?"

"Ah…yeah, just a few days ago," I lie. The last thing he needs right now is to be upset over the whole Edward thing.

I sit with him for a while and tell him everything will be fine. He laughs when I tell him Renee is out in the audience telling everyone her 'son' is George.

By the time he lets me go, I have to walk through the school to get back in the auditorium again because the Stage Manager has already begun final set-up. As I walk down the deserted hallway off back stage I hear Alice's voice.

"Edward, you weren't just checking her out, you were totally staring at her ass. I think her mom even noticed you watching her walk away!"

"Just drop it Alice," I hear Edward respond.

"I don't get why you two are doing this," she states angrily.

I keep my head down as I approach them because I don't want to intrude and there is no other way to get back to the auditorium. I don't acknowledge them as I pass by but evidently Alice won't allow that.

"Hey!" she says as she reaches out, grabs my arm, and pulls me to a stop. "What are you two doing? Are you crazy?" Alice asks both of us. "You guys are made for each other. Riley and Liv…they are just going to end up hurt."

"Alice, this is not the time or the place," Edward growls through gritted teeth.

"Let's be honest. There is never going to be a right time or place. Help me understand, Izzy," she practically begs as she turns toward me.

I brace myself for whatever she might say and tell her the truth. "I'm not proud of the lies that I told all summer, Alice. It's so hard to face you and your family knowing what I did. I'm way out of my league when it comes to all this. I've played things over and over in my mind, trying to make it work…but I'm not Izzy. I'd like to be one day, but I can't be her now."

I can see that Alice wants to say something but I keep talking before she can interrupt. "There are so many reasons we can't be together now. We can't sneak around because I can't live with the guilt of ruining him. If we got caught, he would end up resenting me. And I have college coming up and I'm not going to be a George. I'm not going to give up an education to focus on love because then I might resent him. As much as it sucks, we have to let each other go if we want a real chance…a chance that isn't tainted with this mess I created. I have to become that person Edward fell in love with and believe me, I'm scared to death that he may not be available when she finally arrives or that he may decide her didn't like her as much as he thought he did."

Alice looks like she is about to cry and I can feel tears just waiting to fall after my explanation.

"Don't," Edward begs as he rubs his hands over his face.

Alice turns to look directly at her brother. "But I never saw you happier, Edward."

"Alley, don't do this. Please," Edward requests as he reaches for his sister's hand. "I know you want the best for me but that's what Bella and I are trying to do by living our lives. Maybe one day, if we are meant to be, she'll find her way back to me. Someday when she isn't a teenager. When she has a better understanding of life and who she is. I won't let her miss out on life to settle down with me while she is so young. What if she's right and that only makes us grow to resent each other. Sometimes…love isn't enough."

Alice finally lets go of my arm so I can leave. It's hard to walk away, but I manage to do it with a whispered goodbye.

I return to my seat just in time for Riley's first scene. The transformation is amazing. Once he steps out on that stage he is no longer Riley. He captures everyone with each line he delivers and I don't miss the parallels the play holds to my life.

"Listen Emily, I'm going to tell you why I'm not going to Agriculture School. I think that once you've found a person that you're very fond of…I mean a person who's fond of you, too, and likes you enough to be interested in your character…Well, I think that's just as important as college is, and even more so. That's what I think," Riley delivers perfectly.

Those lines pull at my heart and I glance at Edward as he sits just a few seats away. He happens to be looking at me at the same moment and offers me a small smile. It seems we are both aware of the similarities.

By the end of the play Riley has me in tears. When they take the final bow the audience gives him a standing ovation. Of course, Emmett yells, because clapping just doesn't show his appreciation for the great job Riley did and Renee is the perfect picture of a proud parent. Seeing the pride in her face makes me want to kick his parents' asses for missing this moment.

Ms. Remy walks onto the stage to thank everyone I suppose. I don't pay too much attention until I hear her call my name. I have no choice but to go when she calls me up on stage even though I hate being the center of attention.

"I'd like to give extra recognition tonight to Bella Swan, who did almost all of the set design. She worked very hard, coming in after school and even on Saturdays." Memories of the Saturday with Edward flash through my mind and I automatically look toward his seat. Once again our eyes lock.

Once I reach her Ms. Remy hands me a large bouquet of roses and continues speaking. "As a token of our appreciation for all your hard work the drama department would also like to give you two tickets to an art exhibit in Atlantic City this summer."

I'm stunned to say the least. I do manage to speak as I reach to take the envelope Ms. Remy holds out to me. "Thank you. I couldn't have done it without Mr. Cullen's help and encouragement though."

The words are out of my mouth before I even think about what I'm saying. I didn't mean to draw any attention to us. What I said is the truth and I just wanted to show my thanks. I hate that I probably just brought him more scrutiny, especially after what happened with Kelsey earlier. At least I didn't call him Edward in front of everyone.

Some more applause closes out the night and everyone starts to get up and exit the auditorium. I check out the tickets and notice the exhibit showcases one Edward's favorite artist. Maybe he was behind this after all.

As I stand there, caught up in my thoughts, Riley grabs my hand and pulls me into a kiss.

"Eww, Riley! That's so gross. You just kissed Kelsey," I tease, causing him to laugh at me.

"Not like I kiss you," he says with a cocky grin.

"Seriously though, you were fantastic. Renee is dying to hug you and dote all over you, George…I mean, Riley. See, you were so convincing I don't even know who you are anymore."

Riley just laughs at my silliness. "Let me get out of this get-up and I'll meet you in the lobby." He gives me a quick kiss on my cheek and then walks away.

As I walk off the stage and down the stairs I happen to look over and catch Esme's eye. I look away quickly, afraid of what I might see in her face. I notice my mom is still talking to her but I pretend not to hear mom as she calls me over but walk straight for the doors.

I find Emmett and Rose in the lobby. "Would you please hold these while I go to the bathroom," I ask as I shove my flowers at him. I don't wait for an answer before I head for the ladies' room.

I enter the bathroom with my head down and know Liv is in there with me because I see her red heels.

"Hey, Bella," she greets as I look up from the floor. "Looks like we had the same idea about the shoes tonight. Funny, huh?" she says as she applies some lipstick. I really hate how nice she is acting toward me and can't even think of anything I want to say to her so I just bite my bottom lip.

Liv sighs. "Things were so much easier between us last year…good even. I mean, you were comfortable coming to me."

"A lot has happened since last year," is all I can respond with. I don't know why I feel the need to state the obvious. "Now it's just weird. No matter what, we've been with the same guy." The jealous side of me wants to remind her that he was mine first but I manage to hold my tongue.

"Look, I know you share something with him. I just want you to know that if there is anything you need…I'm here. I would never try to keep him from supporting you when you need help."

I offer her a smile before I speak, but it's completely fake. Her words irritate me and it's time to let her know who's in charge here. "Ms. Remy…" I pause for effect because the sarcastic teenager in me can't be stopped, "you couldn't stop him from doing anything with me if you tried." With that I turn and walk out of the bathroom, leaving her with a look of shock on her face.

Rose and Emmett are right where I left them and this time my mom is with them. We all stand and wait for Riley, who seems to be getting stopped every few feet to by another person who wants to rave about his acting skill. As I look around the room to pass the time I notice Edward. He may be standing with _her_, but he's definitely looking at me.

I'm still feeling a little mean so I pull out my phone. This is stupid and childish, but I don't care. If Ms. Remy does find out it might even drive my point home. "Like what you see?" I text.

I watch as he pulls out his phone, reads the message, and looks back at me. He tries to look annoyed, but fails miserably. He returns my text with one which says, "Don't do this Bella. Liv told me about what happened in the bathroom. She's only trying to help."

Guess she has him fooled. I remember the exhibit tickets and decide to ask him about his involvement. I type, "Were you behind this whole "thank you Bella" thing?"

"Just as surprised as you," is his answer.

I respond, "She did it to kiss your ass…not mine."

It takes a minute but his next text finally arrives. "Still can't control your emotions, huh? I know you're not going to ask me to wait for you so I don't see the point in all of this."

I look up before I reply and realize that Edward is once again staring at me. Instead of texting a reply I simply shrug my shoulders, then decide to have a bit more fun.

"I know I have nicer legs then her, but it's really not polite to be checking me out when she is on your arm."

He reads the message, shakes his head, and puts his phone away without another glance in my direction. He is done for now. No more games for him.

**You can review that you hate Liv. Bella. Edward. Whoever. You review that you hate the uncanon pairings - just don't tell us you can't read it anymore if it continues, its not going to change until we have planned. Kinda feels like bullying when you read reviews saying that. **


	20. Chapter 20

**SM Owns.**

**Welcome back ladies! Glad to have you with us still!**

**By the time we get to the end of this chapter, it will be Spring. Soon Prom. Then Graduation. **

**Lots of love to My2GalsPal and Becky for all they do!**

**HUGE thanks to Bobby over on Facebook for the Video's she made for UtB! One for Chapter 13, and one for the story, they truly are amazing! Come check them out on Facebook, the group is open and public, Under the Boardwalk, and if you can't find it, find me. meguhbot at gmail dot com is my email!**

**AND to you awesome readers that support us and encourage us. Means the world to us!**

**Chapter 20: Love the one you're with**

BPOV

Riley called earlier this morning to say he had something he wanted to talk to me about. He's never needed an invitation to stop by before but I told him I'd be home and he offered to bring me some lunch. Now here we sit, outside the hotel. I'm enjoying the mild weather but Riley looks like he's on his way to his execution. His nervousness is starting to grate on me and I really wish he'd just spit it out. No sooner did I think this than I hear him clear his throat as if he's about to talk.

"Mom wants me to invite you over for Christmas dinner," he says tentatively.

I'm completely stunned and can't help but ask, "Why?"

This doesn't make sense. The last time I saw Mrs. Biers was the day Renee decided to call Riley's parents about the miscarriage. The woman referred to it as "a little problem that was already solved." All I could do was turn and walk out of the room.

Riley looks at the ground and kicks a rock as he speaks. "I don't know. It almost feels like she..." he trails off to think about what to say next. "I think there's a reason but I'm not sure what it is. Cam will be there and so will dad. They'll keep her in line. If she says anything hateful toward you I swear I will get up and walk out, Christmas or not." As he speaks he puts his arm around me and nuzzles his nose into my hair.

"I'll ask Renee if she plans on cooking this year. Maybe I can convince her to celebrate on Christmas Eve instead."

"Thanks. That really means a lot to me," he says as he places soft kisses on my neck. "By the way, what do you want for Christmas?"

I almost chuckle out loud at the thoughts that pop into my head.

A better life.

A time machine.

Enough money to go to college without having to repay loans for the rest of my life.

I finally settle on, "I don't know. You really don't need to get me anything."

"Of course I have to get you something, you're my girlfriend. That's rule number two of Christmas," he teases as his arms encircle me; I can feel his smile against my neck.

"Don't be silly. You just being you is enough and I could never ask for more." I've been so selfish. It's time for me to be honest and show him how I feel. I turn to look him in the eyes before I go on. "Your love...it's enough, Riley."

"Yeah?" Riley questions, all the playfulness gone from his eyes.

I nod. I start to say something but he cuts me off with a passionate kiss. Before I know it he has also pulled me over into his lap.

"Whoa! Break it up kids," Phil teases loudly with a hearty laugh as he comes in from the parking lot. He's carrying several grocery bags and Mom is just a step or two behind him.

"Oh, Phillip, leave them alone and let them be kids," Mom scolds with a smack to his chest. Both of them smile at us as they walk into the apartment.

Riley and I sit outside for a while longer and finish eating before we go in. I can hear Mom and Phil laughing in the kitchen. I smile because I'm glad my mom's happy.

"What's up, buttercup?" Phil asks, spinning mom around to a song that must be playing in his head.

"Do I want to know why you're so happy?" I ask, smiling with them.

Riley laughs and says, "Probably not."

Phil waggles his eyebrows like a villain in one of those old silent movies which sends all of us into hysterical laughter.

Once the noise has died down I take the opportunity to talk to Mom about the upcoming holiday. "So, Riley's mom invited me over for Christmas. Were you planning to cook?" I ask.

Most of the time she decides at the last minute that she wants to attempt to make Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. Rose and I usually end up having to finish because Mom loses interest.

"No, Phil and I are going to New York again," she answers.

"Oh. Okay," I respond, trying to hide my surprise. I try not to think about what happened the last time they went to New York…or the fact that I'll be alone on Christmas and my mom just tossed that information out there like it was no big deal.

"Tell Lucinda I said hello though," She adds before they walk off.

"You okay?" Riley asks.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You don't have to hide from me Bella. I know you, and because I know you, I also know that right now you're thinking about the last time they went to New York."

My only reply is to shrug my shoulders.

UtB

I'm officially ready, and by that I mean dressed and presentable, to attend the Christmas Eve service with Riley and his family. I don't think I'll ever be psychologically ready for what I may be walking into. I'm really hoping tonight goes well because if it doesn't I will never do anything for Riley again, at least when it concerns his monster…I mean mother.

My hair looks soft and shiny and I've borrowed a dress from Rose. It's an off-white satin dress with a lace overlay and three quarter length sleeves. It's longer than the dresses I own, with the hem stopping just above my knees. It makes me look older so it's perfect for tonight.

I lock up the apartment and turn to find Riley leaning against his car, arms folded across his chest, his eyes trained on me as I walk toward him. "You look hot," Riley says as he opens the car door for me. I simply roll my eyes, get in, and straighten my dress. Riley closes my door and walks around the car to get in on the driver's side.

"Hot, huh? Well that's good, because that is exactly what I was going for when I got dressed to go to church with your family, especially your mother, who hates me with a passion," and thinks I'm some trashy slut, I think silently to myself.

"Mom hates anything that doesn't have to do with her money," he says, reaching over the console to grab my hand.

"Yeah, well she hates her precious baby boy's trashy girlfriend even more."

Riley just laughs at me. "Well, I love you. Does that count?"

"Definitely," I reply as I squeeze his hand and offer a reassuring smile.

I'm not sure when it happened, but my feelings for Riley…changed. Not too much, but definitely enough. I don't hang around with him just because he's there anymore, and when he tells me he loves me, it makes my stomach flutter in a good way, not in a nervous, uncomfortable, he-shouldn't-love-me way. He's there for me, he's my best friend, and I find myself thinking about him more often when he's not around.

I try not to be sad about these new feelings, even though I'm torn because they conflict with some of my feelings for Edward. No matter what, Edward is always there though, whether in the back of my mind, in unconscious thoughts, or all of my dreams.

Riley smiles back at me and then pulls into a parking spot. He hops out of the car and quickly comes around to the passenger side, offering his hand to help me out.

"Bella!" I hear someone yell as I stand from the car seat.

I turn toward the voice to see Riley's brother, Cam, walking towards us and he's holding the hand of a dark haired, beyond beautiful, very Italian looking girl. Mr. and Mrs. Biers follow close behind. Riley's father, Caleb, is a people person. He can talk to anyone about anything, but he is also a no bullshit kind of guy. He is blunt and tells it like it is, hence his comment to my mother about getting me on the pill, but I know he cares about me so it's okay.

"Oh, that's Cam's new girlfriend," Riley whispers in my ear.

I wait until the couple is close enough and then teasingly say, "New girlfriend, Cam? Jess is going to be so upset." Riley and Cam both laugh but the new girlfriend does not.

Once he's close enough Cam reaches out his free arm to give me a hug and says, "You can tell her to stop fantasizing because I'm off the market." As he lets go he pulls his girlfriend closer and introduces us. "Bella, this is Addie. Addie, this is Riley's girlfriend, Bella."

We exchange greetings and I notice just how pretty she is. Her long black hair falls down her back in soft curls and she has the prettiest hazel eyes surrounded by full, long eyelashes. Cam looks happy, so I'm happy for him.

"Hello, Bella!" Caleb says as he walks up to the rest of us. I love to hear him talk because he still has his accent. And if he's any indication of how Cam and Riley will age, their looks will only get better over time.

"Caleb," I respond as he greets me with a warm hug. I notice Mrs. Biers only glances my way before she pulls out her phone.

"Good to see you, sweetheart," he says, offering me his arm. "Let's go take a seat, shall we?"

I glance back at Riley, who's walking with his mom. She leans over and says something to Addie, who looks up at me with a small smile.

We find seats and Caleb talks to me as we sit in the church pew and wait. Riley sits on my other side holding my hand. I'm trying not to be upset with the way his mom acts toward me. I didn't really expect anything else.

I must not hide my feelings as well as I hoped because Riley leans over to whisper in my ear. "She's just preoccupied with Addie right now. You know, trying to make her feel like part of the family since this is her first time visiting."

Is that supposed to make me feel better? "Great, so she snubs me in order to pay attention to the girl I'll never be."

"Come on, Bell. Does it really matter what she thinks?"

I manage a nonchalant shrug, but I don't think it fools him in the least.

Once the service is over, we all head back to the cars in a group. I give Cam and Caleb a goodbye hug. Out of nowhere, Riley's mom is suddenly all smiles and also gives me a hug like the guys. How can a person be so fake?

"Thanks for coming, Isabella. See you tomorrow," she gushes, kissing me on the cheek. I accept it all and manage not to gag. Then I try to smile and act somewhat pleasant on the way back to my house.

Riley…not so much. I can almost feel the anger coming off of him in waves

"Who does she think she is? She knows I care about you, yet she constantly pulls this shit," he fumes.

I reach over and gently touch Riley's forearm. "Hey, it wasn't that bad. Maybe you were right and she was just trying to get to know Addie better". I don't know what kind of game Mrs. Biers is playing but I absolutely hate that she has Riley this upset.

When we pull up outside the motel we see Phil loading a suitcase into the open trunk of Mom's car. They are leaving tonight and coming back the day after New Years.

"Hey, Bella," he says. "We're getting ready to leave but your mom's still inside."

I nod and Riley and I walk inside. Mom is flitting around the kitchen, tons of odds and ends in her hands. "Oh, I know I forgot something!" she says, looking around to jog her memory.

"Phone charger?" I ask.

She hits herself in the forehead and runs to her room. As she goes she tells me, "Oh, baby, Emmett called. There's been a change of plans. Since Rosalie has been sick they aren't going to make it down. He did say you were more than welcome to go there so I left money for gas or whatever on the counter. And the number for the doctor I told you about is on the fridge," she adds as she comes back into the room.

It's all I can do not to roll my eyes at her. She's been riding me about going to see a shrink lately. Not that it wouldn't help, but seriously? The last thing I want to do during the holiday season is visit a doctor so I can talk about my shitty life.

I wave at Phil and Mom as they drive off and shortly after that Riley decides he is going to leave, too. We confirm plans for tomorrow and I walk him to his car where we kiss goodbye.

"See you tomorrow, babe," he calls as he drives off.

I wrap my arms around myself as I watch him leave, trying to fight off the loneliness that has been slowly working its way into my day. The feeling is even worse when I walk into the house only to realize there is nothing here to indicate that tomorrow is Christmas. Sadness washes over me.

With nothing to do I fall asleep hoping that next year will be better than the last and fighting to hold on to all of the memories.

UtB

I'm startled from a dead sleep. What the heck woke me? As I sit wondering about it I hear a rustling outside my room. I know for damn sure it isn't Renee, Emmett or Santa Claus, so I am genuinely scared. I quickly but quietly grab the baseball bat from under my bed, then pick up my phone and dial Riley's number as I creep down the hall.

I scream bloody murder when I actually collide with someone. Luckily I realize who it is before I crack his skull open with the bat.

"Jesus Christ, Riley! What there hell are you doing here?" I ask as I collapse against the wall.

Riley just laughs at me. He scares me to death and all he can do is laugh? My fear is replaced with anger so I hit him in the chest with the back of my hand before I take a minute to get a hold of myself.

"Seriously, what are you doing here?" I ask again.

"Well, I wanted to do something nice for you. With all your family out of town, and the awkwardness that is sure to happen at our house, I really thought your could use a good start to your day, so I got a key from Renee. You weren't supposed to wake up, though," he says sheepishly.

With my emotions back under control I finally take a look around the apartment. There is a tiny Christmas tree, covered in lights, with presents underneath.

"You did all of this for me?" I ask just above a whisper as I feel tears prick at the corner of my eyes.

He simply nods and I can't help myself as I throw my arms around him. "Thank you, Ri," I mumble into his chest.

Riley returns my hug and says, "I'd do anything for you, Bella. You know that."

We spend some nice, quiet time together before heading out to Riley's house. Cam and Addie are already there when we arrive. We spend some time talking and I have to admit that she's really nice. She tells me the story behind how she and Cam met a year ago, but didn't start dating until later because they were at different stages in their lives.

Her story made me think about Edward and I let myself focus on him for a brief moment. I wonder what he's doing today, who he's with, and ultimately, if he's happy.

Riley comes back into the room and wraps his arms around me. "Dinner's ready," he says before kissing me on the back of the head.

I've avoided Mrs. Biers as much as possible but I guess there's no getting out of this. I feel like I'm being led to the guillotine, though. I stay close to Riley. He smiles at me and tells me to relax but I don't think I can.

As we approach the table I can see that Riley's parents are seated at opposite ends of the table. Somehow I end up sitting next to his mom. No good can come of this.

The food is served, and Cam and Caleb do most of the talking during dinner. Caleb mentions that he wants to visit family in Australia soon.

"How would you feel about going with us, Bella?" he asks, almost causing me to choke on a mouthful of food.

"I…I'd love to go but..."

Mrs. Biers interrupts right in the middle of my reply. "Isabella, how's your mother doing? The hotel still running smoothly?" she asks, taking a sip of her wine.

Riley's eyes meet mine and immediate understanding jumps to the front of my thoughts. It's all about money now.

"Yes, it's doing as well as it can for the off-season. She asked me to tell you both hello."

"That's wonderful," her cheerful response is as fake as her breasts.

I smile and nod. "She also wanted me to mention how proud she was of Riley's performance in Our Town. It really is too bad you couldn't make it." My tone may be sweetness and honey but I'm sure she can feel the sarcasm underneath. She's not the only one who can do fake.

Cam shoves Riley's arm and makes a light joke about the play. Then he says he will make a special trip down next weekend to see the final show. Addie says that she would love to come too which spurs Caleb into action. Now Mrs. Biers has no choice but to act like it was all her idea by making plans for dinner after the show.

Riley just rolls his eyes at her sudden interest. In all honesty, Caleb is so busy that I know he didn't miss opening weekend simply because he didn't have the desire to go. His wife, on the other hand, is the one that simply does not give a shit. The one that will make an event out of the entire evening, even though the men in her life know it's all an act.

The chance that she will be as proud as she acts? Slim to none. That's the part that I know will upset Riley the most.

"What about your Friday night thing in AC?" Riley asks.

"I can miss one Friday night in Atlantic City for my son's play," she replies as if she's mortified that anyone would question her family loyalty. We all know the truth though.

She leaves every Friday afternoon to meet her girlfriends in Atlantic City for gambling, spa treatments, lots of wine, and shopping. Once a month they actually take a trip to New York City because that is the only acceptable place for anyone to have their hair colored.

What feels like a million pictures later, and right before Riley and I are about to leave, Caleb points out that we are under the mistletoe in the large foyer. We both look up to see that he's telling the truth. "You know the rules, Riley. You gotta kiss the girl," Caleb says playfully.

I know my face is as red as Rudolph's nose. Riley leans in to kiss me, and just as he does I hear the click of a camera and see the brightness of the flash as it shines through my closed eyelids.

"Happy?" Riley asks. Caleb just chuckles and nods his head.

I hug Caleb, Cam, and Addie goodbye. "The Missus" reached her limit of wine intake about an hour ago and excused herself to go to bed so I thank Caleb for having me and Riley takes me home.

It's only about seven when we get home so Riley comes inside with me. Once inside, he forces me to open the presents under the tree.

Mom left me a card with money, telling me how much she loves me and to get myself whatever I want. Some kids might be irritated by this but it actually works for me. Saves me the trouble of returning crap I really didn't want in the first place. I mention that I'm tempted to use the cash to throw a party at the hotel, just letting everyone crash in a room afterward. Riley smiles and says that he'd be happy to help clean up. I laugh because I was only half serious, but part of me really wants to do it. It would feel great to rebel.

"We'll see," I respond. No commitment there, right?

"This is from me," he says seriously, holding out a medium length rectangular box. He suddenly seems a little shy and apprehensive. I smile at him because he is adorable. It's not often a person gets to see this side of Riley. He's usually so confident and sure of himself. I feel privileged that he's comfortable showing his true feelings around me.

"I told you not to get me anything," I say as I reach out and take the box from his hand. I'm shocked when I realize the box is the characteristic blue color of a very expensive store. I open the box and find a rose gold key pendant nestled inside. It is from Tiffany's and there are small diamonds set around the top. Gold isn't usually my first choice when I pick out jewelry, but this gold is different. It's really beautiful and antique looking. I don't think anyone has ever gotten me anything like this and it makes me want to cry, in a good way.

I manage to pull my eyes away from the gift and force, "It's beautiful, Riley. Thank you so much," from my mouth. It only comes out as a whisper though, and that just doesn't cut it. Three little words sit on the tip of my tongue but I can't bring myself to say them. Whether or not I voice my feelings does not change the fact that I do love him though. Since I can't say it I decide to show him instead, so I climb into his lap and kiss him with everything that's in me.

I continue to sit in his lap as he unwraps the gift I got for him. It's just a copy of _Our Town_ but I wrote a message inside the cover about how I would never forget his natural presence on that stage. How he actually became George. How magical it was to watch that transformation and that he shouldn't be scared to be that person if that's what makes him happy.

"I know it's nothing expensive," I almost apologize, playing with the new pendant around my neck. In truth it feels completely inadequate in comparison to the gift he gave me.

Riley places his finger on my lips to stop me from saying anything else. "It's the best present I've ever gotten. Thanks, babe," he says in all sincerity. He leans in to kiss my nose and the sweet gesture makes me I smile.

His comment still doesn't make things even though. "I think I can top that," I say coyly.

"Oh, really? With what exactly?" he teases, challenging me.

I don't say a word as I set the book to the side, take his face in my hands and kiss him while I sit on his lap. When I break the kiss, I sit back a little and take off my shirt. I'm not wearing a bra and I feel Riley's hands tighten on my hips as his breath hitches.

"Me," I whisper, leaning forward to kiss him again.

He leans away from my lips and says, "Wait, Bell. I...not tonight."

I'm totally confused because I hear a hint of pain in his voice and I can feel his hardness beneath me so I know he's interested. Before I can attempt to change his mind he hands me my shirt and averts his eyes. Feeling completely rejected now, I pull the shirt back over my head and lift myself off his lap and onto the couch next to him.

After a few quite moments I finally say, "I don't get it..." but keep my eyes focused across the room at nothing.

I hear Riley take a deep breath and sigh before I feel his fingers on my chin. He turns my face toward his and says, "I feel like...like you think you should have sex with me because you owe me something, and that's not true or okay. When we have sex I want it to be because you want to be with me, not because you feel obligated. I can wait until you're ready," he explains as his fingers stroke my face lovingly.

The feelings of rejection melt away with his words and I cuddle into his side. "You are so good to me…almost too good," I finish in a whisper. We sit like that for a while and he kisses the top of my head several times as he twirls a length of my hair around his finger.

We finally decide to watch a movie. Not long into the show the house phone rings and I jump up to get it. I'm not prepared for the semi-familiar voice on the other end.

"Bella?" the voice asks.

"Yeah," I answer in shock.

"It's your Dad, Charlie."

It takes a few seconds before I manage to reply, "Yeah, I know."

"I hope I didn't call too late, but I just..." he pauses. "I let too many Christmases go by without letting you know I was thinking about you and I didn't want that to happen again this year."

"Oh..." I squeak. I swallow back the uneasy feeling in my stomach because I honestly don't know what to say to him. It's not that I'm angry at him or that I hate him. Mom always explained that Dad loved us but he was very far away. I simply don't know the man.

Emmett knows him better than I do because he was eight when we left. For years Emmett talked about all the fishing trips dad took him on. I only have one memory of him. One clear memory anyway. I remember him holding me in the water one summer when we went to the lake. He would toss me so high into the air that I thought I was inches from the clouds. The rest of my memories are just details, like his mustache and the way it use to scratch my cheek every time he kissed me.

"...Merry Christmas," I finally spit out.

I have no idea what else to say, which is alright because he says a lot during our time on the phone; so much in fact that I have trouble processing all the pieces. He tells me how sorry he is that he didn't try harder to have a place in my life. He explains how hard it was for him when Mom left, what an effort it took for him just to live each day. He says that he constantly thought of me and Emmett and loved us dearly. He always looked forward to the pictures Mom sent and bragged to all his friends about our accomplishments. Ultimately, he just didn't know how to be a parent with three thousand miles between us. He also invites me out for a visit, and by the time I get off the phone, reserved but happy, I have plans to fly out and see him for the rest of winter break.

I chat with Riley about the conversation and the plans I now have with my dad. He says he will miss me, but he's happy that I have the chance to connect with my father again.

I talk to Renee about the phone call and my plans when she and Phil call to check on me and wish me a Merry Christmas. After all the things I tell her all she can say is that she's upset I will miss the stupid doctor's appointment. I get pissed off because that is obviously not the reaction I was hoping for. We finally agree to disagree and end the call so neither one of us gets more upset on Christmas.

After that call, Riley and I turn the movie back on. Not that I can concentrate on anything with all the information running through my head. Riley eventually falls asleep on the couch but my mind is so active I'm not even tired.

One thing in particular keeps running through my mind. Turns out it was a Christmas miracle I never even thought to hope for. During our phone call, Charlie asked me about my plans for college and then surprised me with news about the college funds he set up for me and Emmett when we were toddlers. Since Emmett chose not to go to college Dad gave Emmett the money as a wedding gift.

I wonder briefly why no one told me. Emmett knows how stressed I have been about paying for college. Of course, this is probably why he was so sure everything would work out. Maybe he just wanted Charlie to be the one to tell me.

I'm still thinking about the huge weight that's been lifted off my shoulders and how peaceful it makes me feel when there is gentle knock on the front door. I slip off the couch, trying not to wake Riley and notice it's almost midnight. I'm a bit nervous as I peek outside, but my heartbeat speeds up when I see Edward waiting on the other side of the door looking as handsome as ever but a bit uncertain.

I glance back toward the couch to make sure Riley is still sleeping before I quietly open the door just enough to slide my body through sideways. My arms are immediately covered in goose bumps and I wonder if it's the cold air or the way my body naturally reacts to Edward.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper.

EPOV

As I lay in bed, trying to sleep, I'm haunted by indecision and the item that sets on my dresser just a few feet away. It looks like a simple book but it stands for so much more.

I came across this particular book, a first edition F. Scott Fitzgerald that I bought in college, a few days before Christmas while I was unpacking some boxes my parents brought from Chicago. I immediately thought of Bella. She uses a lot of his quotes in her journal work. I kept the book out on my dresser, trying to decide whether or not to give it to her.

There's where the current indecision comes into play.

I've been worried about Bella all day because I didn't know what she was doing for Christmas. Alice and Jasper still talk to Rose and Emmett so I know Renee is out of town. I also know Emmett and Rose didn't come up for Christmas because Rosalie has been feeling sick. I asked Alice if I should call Bella and invite her over today, just in case she was all alone. Alice reminded me that if we thought it was best to let go of each other, then I should completely let go. Sometimes it feels like shit to have your words thrown back in your face.

There's no one here to be the voice of reason now and the selfish part of me wins out. I want to see her and the book is the perfect excuse. Christmas will be over in an hour and then I would be hard pressed to find a reason to check on her, so it is now or never.

My mind made up, I throw the blankets off and pull on jeans and a t-shirt. I'm careful to be quiet as I grab my jacket and head out the door because I don't want to wake my family, partly because I'm considerate and partly because I don't want anyone to question where I'm going.

As I arrive at Twilight Motel I notice that Bella's and Riley's cars are the only ones in the hotel parking lot. The fact that Riley's here doesn't upset me. I am actually thankful that Bella isn't alone tonight.

I attempt to leave the book to the side of the door where she will find it, but struggle with the urge to knock on the door. The point is to see her and make sure she is okay. We are friends after all, and it isn't a crime to wish a friend Merry Christmas I reason before steeling myself and knocking lightly on the door.

I am about to leave the book and go when I hear the door unlock. I look up and see Bella slip outside. Seeing her warms me even as she wraps her bare arms around herself to ward off the crisp winter air.

"What are you doing here?" she whispers. I can't tell if her tone is angry, shocked, or a little of both.

"Hey," I whisper back and then just stand there looking at her. After a moment she looks at me expectantly, waiting for an explanation for my late night visit. "Oh," I finally mutter as I pull myself together and hold the book out to her. "I came across this as I was unpacking some boxes and it made me think of you. I want to give it to you...for Christmas...but I wasn't really sure...and well Christmas is over in like," I glance at my watch, "twenty six minutes."

She brings her bottom lip between her teeth as she takes the book from my hand and examines the cover. I watch the smile that slowly spreads across her face as she opens it. I wrote my favorite quote from the book on the title page, just for her. It reads, "Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss."

She looks up at me with a sweet smile on her face and says, "Thanks, Edward. This is...perfect."

"Did you have a nice day?" I ask. I can't help but notice the expensive looking gold key necklace she wears. I don't think I've seen it before so I assume it is one of her Christmas presents.

"I did," she answers, looking down at the book again. "Of course, just when I think it can't get any better..." she trails off quietly. She shakes her head, almost as if to rid herself of some thought, and then looks back up at me. "Did you? Have a good Christmas, I mean."

"Yeah. It was a good day," I answer noncommittally.

"I'm glad you stopped by," she admits. I think she blushes slightly but it's hard to tell in the dim light outside.

"I am too," I agree, but I have no idea what else to say. I run my hand through my hair and then say, "Uh…I should go," while I use my thumb to point over my shoulder in the direction of my car.

"Right," she says with a nod. "I'll see you in school?"

"Sure," I answer, but I can't help myself as I reach behind her neck and gently pull her closer to me. I do manage to press my lips safely to her forehead. I linger there for a moment, enjoying the flash of memories that her scent inspires. She reaches up and rests her hand on my forearm where her fingers squeeze gently.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," I say as I release her and I step away.

Her eyes open slowly and she answers, "You too, Edward

"Get inside before you get sick," I scold with a playful smile. She just rolls her eyes and stands there. She never did listen to me.

I turn away from her and realize that small visit with Bella was easily one of the best moments of my day, mostly because I am happy to know she wasn't alone and that she had a good Christmas. That it would have been good with or without me stopping by. Knowing that she's okay makes it easier to let another piece of her go.

UtB

Liv and Chloe spend a lot of time with my family over winter vacation. After spending time watching Liv and I together my mom admits that she thinks Liv is a good match for me, despite her single mother status. Mom comments about how well Liv handles the task.

"Chloe isn't hard to love," I add as we watch her run around the yard with Angel. Chloe simply loves that dog.

It would appear my dad is pretty enamored of Chloe, too, as he sits with her that night after dinner. Chloe perches on my father's lap, telling him jokes. "How did the piece of gum cross the road?" she asks.

"How?" he responds with a chuckle.

"It got stuck to the chicken's foot!" Chloe answers with a hysterical laugh. My father laughs with her, but I'm pretty sure it's because he enjoys her laughter and not because the joke is all that funny. That's the kind of stuff you do as a parent, after all.

They continue to go back and forth, Chloe's jokes completely made up at this point. She only knows two after all, and she's already used both of them.

"Knock, knock," she says.

"Who's there?" my father asks, indulging her.

She scans the room with wide eyes before blurting, "Candle."

"Candle who?" my dad asks in fake suspense.

"Candle wif no head or arms," she giggles.

"You are just so silly," Dad says with a tickle to her sides, making her laugh even harder.

They're having so much fun that I decide to get in on the act. "Hey, Chloe. Why does a squirrel swim on its back?"

"Why?" she asks, hopping off Dad's lap and running over to me.

I pick her up and plant a kiss her cheek before answering, "To keep its nuts dry." I realize how inappropriate the joke is, but only after it's already too late.

"Edward Anthony Cullen!" my mom scolds.

Chloe's brows are furrowed in confusion. "Edward, that's not a funny joke."

I play along. "You're right. That wasn't funny at all, was it?"

"Enough with the jokes today, Chloe," Liv intervenes, taking her daughter from my arms.

"I'm sorry," I mouth.

Liv just rolls her eyes and nods. She walks Chloe into the kitchen and places her on a stool at the island before grabbing a juice box and snack. Liv may play it off as nothing but I can tell she is angry.

I corner her in the dining area, several feet away from Chloe. "Hey, I'm sorry. That was a stupid mistake. I'm just not used to being around kids. I was trying to be funny and cute and I thought squirrels are cute, right...and it just came out."

Liv sighs heavily before she speaks, her face laden with sadness. "I know you didn't do that on purpose, Edward, but this is the line I walk every day. Luke likes to be the big man and he never lets me forget my mistakes. If Chloe repeats something like that while she is with him, then I will never hear the end of it. I know he's mostly talk but he likes to remind me that he can and will take me to court to challenge my custody. I know I'm a good mother and that the chances of him contesting and finding a judge to side with him are slim…but she is my world, Edward. I can't risk even the one percent chance. That silly joke could be one more thing Lucas uses to mess with my life." Her voice never raises above a whisper and she continually glances at Chloe as she relays all this information to me.

I don't know what else to say so I simply repeat that I'm sorry. I pull her into a hug, kiss the top of her head and say, "Then I'll walk the line with you, Liv. I promise."

"Thank you," she says, looking up at me. I push her hair off her face and offer her a reassuring smile.

UtB

Time passes and my life begins to feel settled. I'm happy _for_ Bella and I'm happy _with_ Liv. I accept the way things have progressed. It isn't easy to accept, but it is necessary.

It seems like Bella has accepted it as well. She is a teenager, acting like a teenager, with other teenagers.

I am an adult, trying to be an adult, with other adults.

Now, when I see Bella, which is daily, I don't feel impending doom or imminent destruction. I can smile and greet her in the hallways. I can help her in class. I can even work on projects with her after school. It appears we have a friendly, appropriate relationship.

Riley seems to regard me in a friendly manner, too. The kids call me Cullen when they see me in the halls, and I think it has a lot to do with Riley's influence. Liv warns that I shouldn't let them address me so casually, so I don't allow it when I am in my office.

Liv and I keep a professional relationship at school but the damage was done months ago when the student walked into her office to find us kissing. I ignore the kids when they call us Remlen. Liv ignores them too, but she did finally admit that she thinks it's pretty cute.

"I can't believe it's spring already," Liv says as she laces her fingers with mine on the walk to my front door. It's a Friday afternoon and Chloe is with her father so we are having a quiet evening at home.

"I know. I'm ready for summer though because this town sucks fall, winter, and spring," I answer with a laugh. I may laugh, but I'm not kidding. Nothing is open all year except a few restaurants. Even most of the pizza places are only open on the weekends.

Once inside Liv heads to the kitchen to start dinner and I put on the TV before heading upstairs to get changed. I'm about to throw on a t-shirt when the doorbell rings. Liv asks me to get it because she can't stop stirring the sauce on the stove right now. I rush down the steps with my t-shirt in hand to answer the door.

Angel stands there and barks ferociously. "Quiet girl," I warn as I open the door. I am not prepared to find Bella on the other side, especially since she looks like she's been crying.

"Are you okay?" I ask without any other pretense. Bella just bends down to greet the now quite Angel who is much bigger than the last time Bella saw her. Angel's tail swishes through the air to show how much she loves the attention.

"Who is it, babe?" Liv calls from the kitchen.

"Uh, it's Bella," I call back.

I guess the sauce isn't that important because Liv immediately walks into the foyer. "Bella?" she questions, wiping her hands with a dish towel.

"I'm sorry...I don't...I didn't mean to intrude," Bella stumbles, nervously biting her bottom lip and averting her eyes while her fingers rest on the gold key she wears around her neck every day.

"It's fine," I reassure her. "What's going on?"

Liv leans in and whispers that I should put my shirt on. I completely forgot about my state of undress when I saw Bella so distraught. I really hope Bella doesn't feel the need to say something along the lines of it's not like she hasn't seen more of me. I quickly pull it on while Bella looks at the ground.

"You..." she begins but starts to cry. "Sorry," she mumbles, wiping tears from her cheeks.

"You're starting to worry me, Bella," I state as I lead her into the living room, sit her on the couch, and then sit down next to her. "Has something happened?"

"I'll give you two a minute," Liv says, excusing herself as she moves to leave the room.

"No!" Bella calls out, startling both of us. "You don't have to do that." Liv nods and walks over to sit in the chair next to me.

Finally under control of her emotions Bella looks at me and asks, "You nominated me for a scholarship?"

"Yes..." I answer, hoping she isn't here because she's angry.

"I got my acceptance into The Art Institute of Chicago last month, but I didn't tell anyone because...well it's crazy expensive. I saw my father over winter break and he admitted he has money saved up for me, for like college, that I didn't know about. It helped take some of the financial pressure off...but this..." she trails off and shakes her head as more tears fall down her face. "This settles everything. I don't know what to say...or how to thank you. Both of you," she adds, looking straight at Liv.

"Don't thank me, Bella. Edward wrote the recommendation and it was your talent and hard work that won the scholarship," Liv says with a warm smile. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to let you two talk while I go back in the kitchen and try to salvage our dinner."

Liv pats my leg and then stands and leaves the room gracefully, knowing there are questions I want to ask Bella privately. Not because I want to hide anything from Liv, but because I'm not sure if Bella will talk about them with an audience.

"So, your father…I didn't know you went to see him."

"Yeah. I got the chance to get to know him a little better. We have been talking a lot. He's going to come out for graduation and even meet me in Chicago to help me settle in. Rose will have the baby by then and my mom will be busy with them. It's so nice to have a Dad," Bella says wistfully.

"Your family must be really proud that you won the scholarship."

"I haven't told them yet. I got the letter and came straight here. You were the first person I thought to share the news with," she admits tentatively, biting her bottom lip again as if she thinks I'm about to scold her.

I offer a smile and a small laugh. "You will love Chicago."

"I hope so," she says as she looks down at the floor. "It will definitely be ironic...you here...me there."

I felt the same way but I was afraid to verbalize it. "I'm really happy for you."

"I'm really happy, too. It's like my life is falling into place and I'm exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I should be doing. Hopefully it will…" she stops abruptly.

"What?" I prompt so she will finish her thought.

"Lead me to where I belong," she whispers, looking up at me through her eyelashes. Her attitude changes quickly as she shakes her head, lowers her eyes, and apologizes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"Don't," I stop her by taking her chin in my hand and lifting her face so we make eye contact. "You can always be honest with me," I state softly but firmly.

"You seem happy…content…settled?" It sounds like a question as she stumbles to find the right word and hide the hurt she feels, but I know her.

"I am…right now. Most of that has to do with your happiness. We both know how fast things can change, though." I raise an expectant eyebrow, hoping that she will understand what I'm truly saying.

All of our words have become whispers because my girlfriend is in the next room, cooking dinner, while I try to tell Bella that my heart is still hers if she wants to claim it. I can't say that though, because I don't want to change her path.

"I'm sure Alice would love to see you and show you around when you get there. I'll make sure she gets in touch with you," I assure Bella.

"I would love that. It will be nice to know some people."

"There not just "some people", Bella. They're people who care about you, and would do anything and everything in their power to help you if you ever need it…even if it's nothing more than a home cooked meal. I know you might feel a little weird with my mom, but she does like you and cares about you, even though you brought out her inner mama bear."

Bella just smiles in response.

"So, Riley...he's going to NYU. Long distance, huh?" I'm not sure why I ask. Maybe I want to hear her tell me how pointless that would be. How it would never work. How they are just going to move on. Her hand moves to touch the key pendant around her neck again, and I know none of those statements are true.

"It won't be easy, but I've lived through worse than not seeing my boyfriend for a month here and there." I hope I understand her hidden meaning in that statement and that I'm not just reading into her words. "He promises to fly out once a month to spend the weekend. I think we can make it work. His mom is a lot worse than Esme, but I think she has finally put her pitchfork down."

"Whatever the problem, it isn't with you...it's her." It's quiet for a moment as she stares at her lap. "Did I say something wrong?" I finally ask.

"No," she says as she shakes her head and looks back up at me. "I'm just trying to figure this all out. It's...different...talking to you this way. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

I shake my head at her comment. "Well, I know it feels nice to have some normalcy," I tell her. "And to know we can still be friends."

Liv walks back in the room right then. She places her hand on my shoulder, almost possessively, and announces, "I think I managed to save dinner."

"Did you eat yet, Bella? I'm sure there is plenty," I offer without thinking. I feel Liv tighten her grasp on my shoulder just slightly.

"Oh...I don't want to bother you guys anymore. I should get going anyway. I have a doctors appointment…thanks to a good friend," she answers with a grin.

"Your mom took my advice then?" I ask.

Bella nods. "And it's not so horrible after all," she admits. "But don't tell her I said that."

"And Liv...the Urban Art show in July looks amazing. I mean, Adrian Repeti alone is...well, I'm sure Edward talks about him all the time, but there's also a new artist that goes by the name Gage. He's going to be there, too, and apparently he's some prodigy. The research I've been doing on him is just blowing me away."

"It was the drama club's pleasure, really. I don't know much about art but I saw the advertisement in the paper and immediately thought it sounded like something you would enjoy. They described it as young and hip, just like you," Liv says with a smile.

"Thanks again anyway." Bella says, standing up and grabbing her bag to leave. I offer to walk Bella to her car and Liv says she will finish getting dinner ready.

As we reach the car Bella turns to me and opens her mouth as if she is about to say something but then closes it again.

"Just say it already," I say playfully with a smile. She smiles in return. I can read her like an open book and she obviously knows it.

"I know it's like ancient history now, but I never apologized for the way I behaved the night of the play...for letting things get out of control or whatever. You are only doing what I told you to do," she says with a shrug.

"And you're doing exactly what you need to do, too. Be young, make your own choices and mistakes, and learn from them."

I open her car door and just before she is about to climb in she turns back to me and tightly wraps her arms around my waist. I know how I want to respond but I'm not sure if it's what I should do. I stroke her hair once before I give in and hold her head against my chest for just a moment. I remind her again how happy I am for her before she gets in her car and I watch her drive away.

I return to the house to find Liv sitting at the kitchen island, already eating. I kiss her cheek and sit down next to her. I'm interested to see what her feelings are about Bella's visit but I'm also hesitant to come right out and ask. "I hope it wasn't a problem for Bella to stop by like that," is my compromise

"No. She was excited and felt like she had to thank you," Liv says, then eats another forkful of food. When her mouth is empty again she asks, "Who was that artist she was talking about?"

"Adrian Repeti?"

"Yeah, him. You've never mentioned his name in front of or talked about anything art related for that matter. Tell me about him."

"Oh...well he does a lot of street art, tattoo art, public icon type stuff mostly...very whimsical, vivid work with overlaying pastels, graffiti like stuff," I try to explain. It's hard to talk about this to someone who has a limited knowledge of the art world without some kind of visual aid.

Liv nods as she chews her food. "I wouldn't have guessed you for the graffiti, tattoo type stuff. Ever think about getting any ink done?"

"I have actually. I've been working on this quarter length sleeve design for awhile."

Liv is quite for another minute before she asks, "Bella has a pretty large tattoo up her side, right? I caught a glimpse of it peeking out along her waist a few times. It's really pretty."

"Yeah," I agree, unsure if I should mention that it's my work.

Liv takes care of my indecision when she asks, "Did you have something to do with it?"

I look over at her and wonder how she figures things out from one word answers. I simply nod in response. I do not miss the fact that the tone of her voice is changing, though. I'm beginning to wonder just where she will take this discussion.

"Did she ask you to draw a tattoo for her?" Liv questions.

"Do you really want to know?" I ask, setting my fork down. I don't mind being honest unless she is trying to use the information to pick a fight.

"Yes, I want to know you. I want you to share things your passionate about with me without having to drag it out of you. I may not be able to carry on conversations with you about specific art styles or artist, but let me in a little. I'd love to learn," she pleads.

"I painted it on her one morning," I say while looking at my plate. I don't make eye contact because I'm a bit afraid to see her reaction to this news. Looks like my fears were justified as I hear her fork clank against her plate and her chair legs scrape along the floor as she gets up. I look up to see her standing at the sink washing her uneaten food into the garbage disposal. She finishes rinsing the plate and puts it in this dishwasher without another word.

As she attempts to walk past me and out of the room I reach out and grab her hand. Her eyes meet mine as I tell her, "You are not Bella and I don't repeat romantic moments as if I have a checklist. I would rather create new ones specifically for us. There are things I do with you that I never did with her or anyone else for that matter. I'm not comparing the two of you and neither should you. Liv, I'm just trying to be the best person I can be with you."

"I know that," she says with a smile as she moves toward me. I reach out and hook my fingers into her belt loops to pull her even closer. "What I don't know is what things you do with me that you have only done with me."

"Lots of things," I answer with a smirk. "Should I show you what they are?" I ask seductively and place soft kisses down her neck. She moans at my touch.

"Let's go up to bed," she says breathily. "I've been a bad girl."

Her palms press flat against my chest and she pushes herself away. I release her and turn to chug the rest of my beer quickly before I follow. I guess I gave her too much of a head start as evidenced by the many articles of clothing littering the floor on the path to my bedroom.

Shirt.

Bra.

Jeans.

Thong.

Girlfriend.

"Ready to do naughty things to me?" she asks from her kneeling position on my bed. Never in my life have I been with a woman this freaky. Rough and kinky, that's how she likes it. I had no idea just how vanilla my sex life was before I got her into my bed.

My only answer is to take off my shirt and make my way over to her. I move in behind her and pull her hair, forcing her to tilt her head back towards me, "I'm ready, but are you?"

I bite her shoulder, then up her neck, before our mouths meet and fight for dominance. I always win, but it's okay because she likes it when she feels taken.

**Some of you WANT some non-canon lemons, maybe an outtake. We have some planned for Riley and Bella - and most of you have more love for him, and so if the general response is to get juicier with those 2, we can and will be more than happy to. SO Review, and let us know if you want a full out Riley Bella lemon. Majority rules! See you soon! **

**We don't like mean people. Being mean will not change the story. If you want a happy fluffy story with no plot, there's a ton of them.**


	21. Chapter 21

**We don't own.**

**Thanks to my2galspal and Becky.**

**Love to all of you, and everyone on Facebook.**

Like A Black & White Movie

**EPOV**

Senioritis is in full force at Wildwood High School. Teachers are constantly complaining about seniors' lack of attention in class and my days are full of explaining to those same students that there are still things that can hold them back from graduation if they aren't careful.

Of course, graduation isn't the only hot topic event on the calendar. It's the other big night that is the reason I find myself sitting in the teachers' lounge right now. Liv sits beside me, distracting me with smiles and the touch of her foot as she rubs it against my leg under the table, while Marcus speaks with the staff that will chaperone Prom. I can't help but smile back as I try to pay attention.

"Our main goal is to make sure no alcohol makes it into the building and nothing promiscuous happens under our watch. Students should not be hanging out in dark corners," Marcus says.

"Remember last year when Bella Swan and Riley Biers were caught in the corner? That's a prime example of something we don't want to happen," Mr. Banner comments, making everyone laugh.

His sarcastic remark doesn't bother me as much as it would have once upon a time. Since Bella came over and told me about her acceptance letter it has been much easier to distance myself from her. The sharp pain of heartbreak has dulled to an annoying, slight ache. It's still there, but usually only flairs up when I see her with Riley. For the most part, I'm truly happy for her.

Marcus rolls his eyes and says, "Exactly. Now, if there are no questions then that will be all. Thanks for coming"

Marcus and I exchange a few quick words as the other teachers file out of the room. I watch Liv exit with a mischievous smile on her face. I have a feeling she's up to something.

As I walk back to my office I come across a couple of students who look like they are up to no good, too. They appear to be huddled over some papers and laughing nervously. They don't notice as I walk toward them and take a closer look. I'm more than a little shocked when I realize they are looking at explicit pictures right there in the school hallway. The picture shows a woman with her arms up in the air, only her long hair hiding her breasts. The fact that the model is revealing a lot of skin is quite concerning.

Of course, when I realize I know that skin I'm even more concerned. And when I say that I _know _that skin, I do mean in the biblical sense. It just so happens that I've felt it under my hands and kissed it with my lips within the past week.

The girl in the pictures is Liv. She may be younger but it's definitely her and although I know it's not appropriate I can't stop thinking about just how hot she looks.

Once I can think clearly again I quickly move to snatch the picture, surprised to find there's more than one.

"Hey!" the kid yells, angry that someone has taken away his eye candy. He immediately closes his mouth and looks down at the floor when he realizes I'm not just another student messing around with him.

"My office. Now," I order before walking away. I don't have to look back to know that both of them are hot on my heels.

All I can think about on the way to my office is that I have no idea how to handle this situation.

Mrs. Cope stands as I enter the outer office. "Mrs. Cope, there are two students on their way in. Please call me when they get here."

"Of course, Mr. Cullen, and Ms. Remy is in your office right now. She said you'd be expecting her."

I nod and walk past her to my private office where Liv is waiting with a smile. Her expression fades when she sees my face though.

"What's…" she begins. Then she notices the pictures in my hand and she gestures toward them before asking, "W-what is that?"

I hold the pictures up at a better angle for her to see them briefly. "We'll talk about it, but the students I confiscated these pictures from are on their way in. I think you should go because I really don't want things to be awkward for you. I promise we'll talk later, okay?"

She closes her eyes and nods once. With a heavy sigh she opens her eyes and mumbles, "Just...just so you know those were taken when I was a freshman in college. I was only nineteen."

I nod back and place a chaste kiss on her forehead, something I don't usually do on school grounds. "It's okay. Go to your office and I'll call you when I'm done."

Liv leaves the room and almost immediately Mrs. Cope announces that the students are there. I ask her to send them in and they both walk into the room with heads bowed, whether in shame or fear, I'm not sure. The boys are seniors and their names are Aiden and Jordan. They were members of the football team and are almost always found wherever Riley happens to be.

I lean against the front of my desk and cross my arms over my chest, not sure where to start. Instead I just stare and wait for one of them to talk.

Jordan finally caves. "Mr. Cullen... I... We're sorry. Please don't keep us from graduating." Aiden elbows him with a wide eyed glare.

"First things first, Jordan. Are there any more copies?"

"Um, I'm not sure. W-we got them from a friend's computer," Jordan admits hesitantly.

"Dude!" Aiden says, throwing his hands up in frustration at his loose lipped friend. I just glance at him with a look of warning.

"Here's the thing, guys. This is extremely disrespectful and not some practical joke. Ms. Remy will get some serious heat over these pictures. Are there copies?" I ask.

"Uh… They're on the internet," Aiden offers, his head in his hands.

I pause to organize my thoughts because this just keeps getting worse. Finally, I take a deep breath before saying, "Okay, so here's how it's gonna go. I do not want to see copies of these pictures, or any like them, ever again. Spread the word." The statement only applies to the students actually. I can't wait to look at those pictures in private.

Still unsure of the best way to handle the situation, I decide I need to get a name. I don't know any other way to put a stop to this potential train wreck.

"Can either one of you tell me who's computer you found these on?" I ask, not sure what I'll do if they do give me a name. It's a moot point as they both shake their heads.

I nod and walk towards the door. "Get a note and go to class. Keep this stuff off campus," I reiterate, opening the door and allowing them to leave.

They both nod and walk off.

Once they are out the door I close myself in my office and take a seat behind my desk. I pick up one of the pictures. Although I would like to enjoy it for what it is, all I can think of are the potential problems it could cause. I'm still not sure what to do next.

UtB

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly news travels. Over the next two hours it seems like all I do is take phone calls from parents who want to know what action the school administration plans to take over these inappropriate pictures.

In between calls, Marcus drops by to confer on the situation. He thinks the best thing to do is schedule a meeting where parents can express their concerns. I ask him about any possible consequences for Liv. He doesn't believe there is a morality clause in her contract that would be grounds for termination, but he does expect the community will question her credentials and credibility.

With all the phone calls, I haven't been able to get back to Liv. I can only imagine the thoughts running through her head. By the time the calls stop, I have just enough time to go by her office before class starts.

I knock and hear her call to come in. She looks up as I enter and close the door behind myself. The worry is clear on her face. She stands up and I walk over and wrap her in a brief hug.

"This is such a nightmare," she groans into my chest.

Once I release her I reach up and brush a strand of hair behind her ear and take her hand. "It's going to be okay. I talked to Marcus and he reassured me your job is not in jeopardy. We'll figure this out."

"I wish I could believe that. Do you have any idea what it's like when something from the past comes back to bite you in the ass?"

Memories from last summer flash through my brain. No, I don't know, but that's exactly what I fear.

As the bell rings I realize I'm out of time. I quickly relay the information about the meeting and let her know that Marcus is on his way. I promise her that I'll be there for her as best I can. She understands that first and foremost, I am the vice principal so it will be hard to balance my role in this situation. It's just one of the reasons it gets messy when you mix business with pleasure.

I leave Liv's office, closing the door behind me, and catch Aiden, Riley, Jordan and Bella out of the corner of my eye. I don't try to listen in on their conversation but they're right outside of my classroom. I don't hear everything but I can tell Bella is not happy. They continue arguing and don't even realize I'm there.

"You were supposed to get rid of them, Riley, not tell these two dimwits!" Bella whisper yells, flinging her hand in the direction of Aiden and Jordan.

"I didn't tell them, they just found it. It isn't my fault that you put them on my computer." Riley responds.

Suddenly, everything makes sense and I find myself angry enough that I want to hit something. I try to stay calm because I don't want to make a scene but inside I'm seething. I can't believe Bella would do something like this.

Jordan sees me first and calls the his friends attention to their audience with a simple, "Guys..."

Bella looks up and shock registers on her face as her eyes meet mine. "Ed-...uh, Mr. Cullen..." she starts, but I just shake my head.

"All of you have five seconds to get to class," I order, walking into my classroom. I leave the door open because I know Bella will be coming in.

She walks in with her head hanging low. I slam the door behind her, causing her to jump and rush to a seat in the back of the class. I could care less that I scared her because I'm absolutely livid at this point. I can't believe she would do this to Liv, especially after our recent talk.

Once again, I have no idea what to do and I'm getting tired of that feeling. For the time being, I ignore Bella because I'm not sure how I'd react if I had to speak to her. I almost breathe a sigh of relief at the end of the period but then I remember that the day is far from over.

Bella lingers in the back of the room until everyone else leaves. Her hair falls around her face like a curtain, shielding her from my angry glare, as she places her journal on my desk. Without looking directly at me she opens her mouth to say something then shakes her head and walks out.

I reach up and run my hands through my hair. Although I'm curious about what she wanted to say I'm entirely too frustrated to stop her from leaving.

"Knock, knock," I hear from the doorway. I look up to find Marcus with Liv following close behind. He wants to discuss the events of the morning so I suggest we go back to my office as there are still students milling around.

On the way down the hall I see Riley walking with his arm around her Bella. I think back to this morning's meeting when I was able to shake off the vulgar comment about Bella and Riley in a dark corner. Seeing the two of them now wounds me more than it usually does and I feel a sharp stab to my heart.

Once in my office Marcus asks to see the photos. I'm not very happy about it but Liv says it's okay.

"Can you explain these, Ms. Remy?" he asks in a nonjudgmental tone.

"My freshman year of college a guy claiming to work for a modeling agency approached me. He said he would love to take my picture and offered to pay me. I was a struggling college student who needed the money so I figured 'why not'? I was also young, naive, and flattered. He mentioned that the pictures would be racy and I knew people would see them. I never thought about the fact that it could potentially ruin my career or cause others to question my ethics and morals," she explains, shaking her head.

The three of us discuss the situation and decide to schedule the meeting for tonight so we can put everything to rest.

I go with Liv to pick Chloe up from daycare that afternoon. She runs toward us, laughing the whole way. Liv sweeps her up into a tight hug which Chloe returns enthusiastically. I immediately notice the change in Liv's face as she holds her daughter. This is what she needs after such a rough day.

After Chloe hugs her mom she turns to reach out for me. "Hey pretty lady," I say with a smile as I take her from Liv and kiss her forehead, which makes her giggle.

"Is it okay if Edward comes over, baby?" Liv asks. Chloe nods exaggeratedly, making us both laugh.

Liv and I tend to spend most of our time together at my house so I'm still discovering things about her home. The house is small, but it suits her. The walls are a light yellow and covered with pictures. Since I'm not here often I take a moment to peruse the photos. There are pictures of Chloe by herself, of Chloe and Liv, of Liv alone, of Chloe and Lucas. There are also a lot of pictures of a guy who has the same eyes as Liv.

"That's my older brother Demetri," Liv explains as I look at his picture. "We were close…almost as close as you and Alice…but he died while I was in high school."

I turn around to look at her. "I'm sorry." She nods, and graces me with a tiny smile.

"I keep wondering what he'd say about what's been going on. He'd probably tell me that I need to learn when to give up a losing battle," she says with a laugh. "Of course, then he would probably call me a coward and an idiot for listening to him. I wish he was still here. He'd love Chloe and he would try so hard to intimidate you."

"He might have tried, but he wouldn't succeed. I'm right where I want to be," I say, and it's the truth. "I wish I could have met him because he seems important to you. Can I ask how it happened?"

She nods, and there are tears in her eyes.

"He was coming back from visiting me the day I found out I was pregnant. He was so happy, thrilled. He couldn't wait to meet her. A truck hit him, head on. He was dead instantly..." She wipes her eyes.

I pull her to me for a warm hug. Chloe comes over right then to say she is hungry. We order a pizza because Liv and I need to be back at school by six-thirty.

The babysitter comes over and Chloe asks if I'll be back because she'll miss me. I smile and tell her I'm not sure. Up until now, Liv and I haven't spent nights together unless Chloe is with her dad.

After Chloe is settled in with the sitter, Liv and I prepare to head back to the school. Liv stops by her car in the driveway. "You want to drive?" I ask, halfway to my car already.

"I think we should go separately," she states definitively. "I don't want to cause any more problems and I really don't want anyone to accuse me of getting special treatment because I am dating the vice principal. When we're in that room, as much as I would love to have my boyfriend by my side, you need to do your job and remain professional."

"Okay," I agree. I walk back over and kiss her cheek. "Everything will be fine. See you there."

On the drive to the school I contemplate what will happen at the meeting. I don't really know what to expect this evening. I'm sure parents will demand she resign or be fired, but that's not going to happen. Marcus promised there would be no repercussions. This meeting is only taking place so parents can have the opportunity to voice their concerns and so Marcus and I can address them all at once instead of having to deal with them one at a time.

Marcus greets me in the parking lot and we walk to the gym together. Once inside, Liv addresses me as Mr. Cullen and we keep things very professional.

When the meeting starts there are many questions, some of which are pretty redundant but need to be addressed to keep the community happy.

"_She's supposed to be a role model for my child and help her decide what to do with her life?"_

"_How can we trust someone with no morals to interact with our children?"_

"_Does she even have a degree?"_

"_Are we supposed to believe this won't happen again?"_

Some questions are from truly concerned parents. Others just seem to be hateful and aimed at hurting Liv. Marcus answers each and every question regardless of its intent.

Liv finally clears her throat and stands up, ready to take on the group herself. "I'm sure many of you have something in your past that you'd like to forget. Something that didn't seem like a big deal when you were young, but with age and wisdom you realize may not have been the wisest decision. The truth is, these pictures were a source of income while I was in college. They were not a secret and they weren't meant to cause any harm. I love my job, and take my role in this school very seriously. I'm also a parent and I understand how this looks to some of you. I'm truly sorry."

As she sits back down I resist the urge to hold her hand. I'm very proud of her but this is work, and she is personal. I knew from the very beginning of our relationship that it would be important to keep things separate. Now it's time to put that mindset into practice.

Liv's statement causes more questions, and everyone starts talking at once. As we try to restore order, I notice Liv suddenly tenses up. I follow her line of vision and see Bella standing at the front of the stage with a large group of students. She looks in our direction and her eyes meet mine before she speaks.

"My name is Bella Swan and I'm a student here at Wildwood High School. I don't understand why everyone is being so judgmental toward Ms. Remy. Everyone has something in their past that they'd like to forget. Anyone who says they don't is not only a hypocrite, but a liar too. I think Ms. Remy's willingness to admit to her error in judgment is a good example for us to follow. I don't think it's fair to judge her abilities based on a choice she made as a teenager. The girl in those pictures isn't here anymore.

"The Ms. Remy we all know is a wonderful role model. For the last three years she has been there for me and so many other students. Not only has she offered guidance and encouragement, but she's been there as a willing listener when we couldn't find anyone else to talk to. She's amazing at what she does. With that said, the seniors of this year want to show our support and say thank you for all your hard work."

Liv looks at me in disbelief. "Did you have anything to do with this?" she asks. I shake my head to let her know I have no idea what's going on.

I didn't think this day could throw any more curve balls at me but I guess I was wrong. At this point, I'm so confused I don't know what to think or do. Did Bella really feel guilty for her actions or did she do this because she didn't want me to be angry with her?

Eventually the meeting winds down and all of the parents leave. Liv and I go back to her house where I help put Chloe to sleep. Afterward, we fall into bed together, exhausted. I hold her as she tells me how she's so grateful for Bella and the things she said. Liv wants to thank her first thing Monday morning. I just listen quietly, fighting with myself over whether or not I should tell her that Bella was the one who started this mess.

In the end, I keep my mouth shut, not for Bella's sake, but Liv's.

UtB

After school on Monday I sit at my desk trying to work up the courage to confront Bella. No matter how much I want to I just can't do it, especially since most of the hype surrounding the questionable pictures of Liv has already died down. I'm extremely surprised, to say the least, when Bella herself knocks on the art room door and makes my decision for me.

"Can we talk?" she asks almost shyly.

"I have nothing to say to you." That may not be the most mature response but it's definitely the truth. My thoughts are all jumbled up and I don't know what I could possibly say to her.

"Okay, then let me talk and you just listen." I can't really argue with that sentiment so I just nod without looking directly at her.

"I found the pictures when I was in Forks during Christmas break. I came back with them on a disk to show Riley. I destroyed the disk but I guess somehow they were saved to Riley's computer hard drive. Regardless, I never ever meant to hurt Ms. Remy or her career...or you," she adds quietly, almost as an afterthought. "Riley accidentally mentioned the pictures to Aiden and Jordan. I don't know exactly how things progressed from there but it shouldn't have happened at all. Ultimately, it was my fault, though. It was wrong and very immature on my part."

The explanation makes sense. The damage was done before she got her acceptance letter, before she came over to thank Liv. Of course, that doesn't make the situation it any better though.

"I...just felt like you should know. I know you didn't tell her I caused the whole mess and I have no idea why. I don't deserve your kindness or loyalty."

Everything is silent for a moment. When I look up to see her face, she's already gone.

UtB

Time flies by and sooner than expected the night of Prom is upon us.

Chloe is chasing Angel around my yard in a dress because she "wanted to look pretty like momma and Eddie". I try not to cringe when she calls me that. Even though I hate that nickname it's cute coming from her, so I let it slide. Chloe eventually takes a tumble and comes over to me for some reassurance that she's okay. Chloe convinced Liv to put lipstick on her tiny mouth earlier and now she leaves kiss marks all over my face.

I'm beyond happy at this point and barely notice the camera flash from the corner of my eye. Jenny, the babysitter, came over with Liv and Chloe so she could take some pictures of the three of us together. She will take Chloe to Lucas once he gets off of work.

Liv wanted to wait until the last minute to put on her dress so it wouldn't get wrinkled. I turn as I hear her as she exits the house. All I can do is stare at her in awe. Her green dress hugs her in all the right places and her legs look so hot in her high, high-heels.

"You're sure it's not too much? Too revealing?" she asks for the fifth time.

I chuckle at her, "For the last time, no. You look absolutely amazing. Stop asking because I'm starting to think you just like to hear me tell you how beautiful you are." I smile and place a chaste kiss on her lips.

Liv cleans the lipstick marks from my face and then Jenny does her best to get a picture where all three of us are smiling and looking at the camera. It took longer than expected because Chloe was so caught up in Angel and what she was chasing around the yard. I finally put her back in the house so we wouldn't run late. Then Jenny offers to take a couple picture of us as a couple.

After the pictures Liv runs her hand suggestively over my chest. I furrow my brow in warning, causing her to laugh, "I'm sorry. I don't know how to act with you looking so tempting in that vest." She lets out a low whistle and I reach around and pinch her ass.

"Do we really have to go to this? I don't feel like making sure students act appropriately when all I really want to do is be inappropriate with you," I whisper in her ear. I've learned to be careful with my words, especially since Chloe is walking around close by in a pair of Liv's high heels.

Liv blushes and smiles slyly.

"The sooner we leave..." she trails off, raising her eyebrows suggestively. With that, we head to the Starlux Hotel, hand in hand.

**BPOV**

Rose is helping me get ready for Prom tonight. She has laid out the curling iron, the straightener, plenty of hairspray, and a pile of make-up the size of a small mountain. I want to wear my hair down but she convinced me it still needs to look different than I would normally wear it. She uses the curling iron, holding it in place until it's time to release my hair into long, spiral curls. Then she straightens the front, arranging my hair so it sits high on the crown of my head with tons of curls flowing down my back.

"I can't believe you are wearing this dress," she says with a chuckle as she helps me lift my hair to fasten the halter dress behind my neck. She shakes her head before she says, "Emmett is going to freak over all this skin. You sure they won't kick you out for breaking dress code?"

"They can try but I'm gonna enjoy this body while I can," I reply, looking at her in the mirror.

I notice her face fall and feel bad for just a minute. I know how self conscious she has become since she started to put on baby weight. Honestly, she looks amazing. The weight is all baby. She's not even wearing maternity clothes, just regular clothes in a larger size than she would normally wear. She hasn't even developed one stretch mark. I know she thinks she will never put on a bikini again, but the truth is, she could put one on at this very moment and still be the envy of every girl. She has the picture perfect pregnancy body.

"Don't even start, Rosalie! I do not want to hear about the fifteen pounds you have gained over your six months of pregnancy."

"Seventeen…" she corrects. I just roll my eyes at her vanity.

"Seriously, you look beautiful, Bella," she whispers sincerely as we both look at my image in the mirror.

I finger the soft, black satin of my dress and pull on one of the long ruffles that fall over my chest. At the neck line the fabric seems to crisscross around my neck. The dress isn't tight but cinches as it sits low on my hips and stops mid thigh. The back is completely open. The only part of my tattoo that's not visible is the part that sits below my hip bone. The dress even reveals the side of my breasts.

I slide on shiny peep toe black heels then open my jewelry box, searching for something that will add just the right touch.

"Hey, Emmett wants to see you now," Rose says.

"Can't he wait like five more minutes?" I ask, holding up a pair of silver earrings.

"No," she responds, taking the earrings from my hand and pulling me into the living room.

Emmett seems relieved at first glance. The true nature of the dress is very deceiving when you see it head on with its high neck and loose torso. It's a bit short but that's to be expected from me. It's not until you see it from the side that you see just how skimpy it is. I can tell the exact moment Emmett sees the whole dress, or lack thereof.

"Bella! You look amazing!" Mom gushes.

"Amazing? I can't believe you are going to a high school prom in that! You let her buy that?" Emmett blurts, turning to question our mother and waving his arm in my direction.

"She looks beautiful," Mom replies firmly to him. Then she turns back to me, and calmly says "You look beautiful," while giving me a hug.

"You have a sweater or something to wear with that?" Emmett asks, huffily.

I just laugh and tell him to shut up.

Emmett sighs in resignation and then gets a little shy, which is very un-Emmett. "Think of this as our graduation present to you," he explains quietly, handing me two small boxes.

I'm speechless for a moment as I look back and forth between Emmett and Rose. When I finally find my voice all I can think to say is, "You guys didn't have to get me anything,"

"Now you shut up and open the boxes already," Emmett says with his signature laugh.

Inside the first one is a sliver and diamond cuff bracelet. I immediately slide it on my arm and notice the beautifully intricate design and how delicate it looks on my wrist. The other box holds complimentary earrings that remind me of chandeliers. Both gifts will be perfect for tonight.

"Thank you," is all I can say, giving each of them a hug to express how I truly feel about the gifts. Emmett kisses my head and whispers he loves me.

"Hey, don't mess up my hair!" I tease. I can't stand these sappy moments. I never know what to say and if I do try to convey any serious emotions then whatever I say just ends up sounding corny and fake.

This is the first time since Christmas that I'm not wearing the necklace Riley gave me. I didn't really see any reason since the dress completely covers the area where it would hang. I slip on the new earrings and realize there's no reason to go back to my room.

Riley's mom wants everyone to meet at the Biers' house before the prom for pictures and all, so we all load up and drive over there. The rest of the group will meet Riley and me there, too. Jessica is going with Aiden and Kelsey is going with Jordan. We are all sharing the limo.

We arrive at the Biers' massive house by the bay to find the limo is already waiting. I expect to take a few pictures and be on our way. I should have known that Mrs. Biers would have other plans.

She greets me with a half-hearted hug, and kiss to the cheek. Even though she has backed off a bit things are still tense between us. "Bella!" she exclaims. "That dress…it's very…well, you look stunning!"

My only response is a fake smile and a "thank you."

Riley walks up and places a small kiss on my lips. He takes my hands and holds me at arms length in front of him. "Wow. You look…" he trails off as he looks me up and down.

"Trashy," I comment, just loud enough for him to hear. I know that's what his mother is thinking. I glance back at her as she greets my mom, Emmett, and Rose.

Riley steps up to me again. "I was thinking more along the lines of sexy or beautiful, but stunning works, too," he whispers against my ear.

I take a good look at Riley and offer him a mischievous smile. "You look…I don't know. I think you make pimps everywhere look good. You seem to have pulled off this fashion risk perfectly."

He's wearing a white suit that fits him perfectly. Even though it's not a tux, it definitely works for him. He has a light blue button down shirt under the jacket, sans tie, with the top buttons undone. He's also wearing his new Louis Vuitton Nike low top sneakers. He hardly ever wears them, but they fit with this look. The shoes are mostly white with light blue accents and blue and black laces. He even has some fancy blue silk hankie in his suit pocket.

"Is that a good thing?" he asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I think so," I laugh, patting down the lapel on his suit jacket.

Mrs. Biers directs us to the back yard. Apparently, the perfectly manicured front lawn isn't good enough for a few pictures.

As we round the back of the house I'm surprised to see that there's a mini party in full swing. There are a lot more people here than I expected to see.

Music is being pumped though speakers and waitresses carrying platters of wine, champagne, and fancy finger foods walk through the crowd. I don't know why I expected any less. Mrs. Biers doesn't do anything half assed.

"Who are all these people?" I whisper to Riley.

"Mom's friends. You know her; any reason to throw a party."

Caleb walks up right then and hugs me hello. "My son is one lucky guy to have such a pretty girlfriend," he says more to his golfing buddies than to me. I feel my face warm at his flattering words.

Caleb hands me a glass of champagne as he starts to make small talk. It would be rude not to accept it, right? I take the glass as he tells me how excited he is to hear about my scholarship and acceptance into art school. He mentions the extended trip to Sydney again, adding how much Riley would love for me to go with them.

"I would love to go but I'm not sure it's a good time. I'd like to spend as much time as I can with my family before I go away for school."

"Well, the offer always stands," he reiterates with a smile before excusing himself to entertain his guests.

I find Jessica and greet her with a hug before saying hello to her parents. I gush over how pretty she looks. She has on a long red dress with cut outs on the side that are highlighted by beading. Her light blond hair is done in an up-do with some fancy tiara. I am actually jealous of the tan Jess has been working on for the last month, spending five days each week at the tanning salon. I went with her a few times, so I do have some color, but Jessica looks like she does at the end of the summer.

Mrs. Biers finally has us line up and pose for pictures with the bay in the background. Even wearing five inch heels I only come up to Riley's shoulder. He stands behind me and holds me close. We take a few pics alone and a few more as a group.

"I know you aren't big on flowers, but I had to get you something," Riley explains, handing me a single white rose. He is right, too. I don't envy the corsages Jessica and Kelsey have.

As I mingle after the pictures, all the while sucking down more champagne, I notice the way Kelsey interacts with Riley during the party. Riley must be teasing her, threatening to make her eat something. I assume by the way she is backing away, that she finds it repulsive.

Riley and Kelsey have become pretty close since they performed together in the play. He says she is like a sister but I don't think she feels like he's a brother. It was Riley's idea for Jordan to ask her to Prom. I'm not jealous, mostly because this is Riley we're talking about. Any fool can see how much he loves me. I'm pretty sure any fool can see just how crazy Kelsey is over him too.

I down my fourth glass of champagne right before Riley announces that it's time to leave. I hand the glass back to Caleb with a thank you and allow my date to help me into the limo.

It's not until we get out of the limo at the hotel that I realize how buzzed I am.

"Ooopps," is all I can say when Riley has to steady me on the sidewalk.

"Don't get us thrown out before the dance even begins, Bella," he teases. "We have plenty of time to party after the prom."

"You act like I'm smuggling drinks into the building. I don't have anything on me and this is all your dad's fault. This buzz will be gone in no time." Besides, Edward would never kick me out of Prom, I think to myself.

"And don't be so sure Cullen would cover for you. I think he has a better grip on his actions around you now," Riley states.

I just look at him, a little amazed and completely annoyed. How did he know I was thinking about that and how does he know what Edward would or wouldn't do for me?

As much as I hate to admit it, part of me knows Riley speaks the truth. I've pushed Edward away and he's distanced himself enough that I know he would be the principal first and my friend second. If I want to keep that friendship and gain his respect then I need to behave. I actually wonder if he would be harder on me than the other students if he caught me. I feel like he expects more from me and I would hate to disappoint him, so I try to get my act together before we enter the building.

Riley and I walk in and the first thing we do is have our picture taken…again. This year's theme is _Like a Black and White Movie_. I think Riley and I look awesome against the decorations. He really wanted me to wear white since he expected to be in black. I told him that would be too expected. I didn't intend to fall in love with this black dress and I didn't think Riley would seriously get a white suit, but all in all, the effect was fantastic.

I see Edward is just inside the doors, ready to welcome everyone following their pictures. He looks gorgeous in his black vest and tie with no sign of a jacket. My reaction to his appearance makes me uneasy. I hate being this attracted to him.

Since we are some of the last to arrive, there is no crowd of people for me to hide in. I feel more exposed seeing Edward look at me than I have felt all night in my next to nothing dress. I don't think I'm the only one affected as Edward looks like he is holding his breath as Riley and I walk in.

I don't understand my feelings and begin to wonder if anyone truly does. Is this just part of being a teenager; this constant confusion, being ruled by our emotions, all of them contradictory? Does it ever get easier? I can't imagine that it does based on the way Edward looks at me, even though he has Ms. Remy.

Maybe it just becomes manageable as you get older. A little easier to accept that life doesn't always hand you exactly what you want; that your first choice may not be a reality. Is it true that sometimes you just have to take what you get and make the best of it?

Our group walks into the banquet hall and I see Ms. Remy across the room talking with Mr. Banner. He immediately points at me. She turns and her eyes scan my appearance. I see her eyes rest on my rib cage and I nervously push a nonexistent strand of hair behind my ear and focus my eyes straight ahead as Riley leads me to our table.

Since we decided to be fashionably late, the music is already playing and the dance floor is packed. The minute people realize Riley is finally at the party they start begging for the show. Riley, Aiden, and Jordan have a tradition that started with our very first dance in eighth grade. Now it's expected that the boys will break dance at every dance and everyone is excited and waiting for them to do their thing.

That thought hits me square in the chest. I suddenly realize this is our last dance. The last time the boys will do their little tradition. The last time we will all be together like this. The thought makes me sad and I feel like I might cry.

Riley asks me if everything is okay and when I tell him what I'm feeling he just laughs loudly and asks, "Really?"

I cross my arms over my chest and frown at him. "Don't laugh at me. I know it's silly but I can't help it," I whine.

"Oh, come on. We should be happy we are finally getting out of here," Riley exclaims, raising his arms to demonstrate he's not just talking about high school but also the entire area.

I can tell he is truly excited. I don't see any lingering sadness on his face as he talks about leaving all this behind. I wonder if he's scared at all. New York is big city and although he's the big man on campus here, he won't be anyone or anything special there.

"It's not so bad here, you know," I remind him. Actually, I think it's more of the feeling that I'm safe here. Here I have the excuse of being a small town high school girl whenever I do something stupid. In less than a month I won't have that anymore. Then what will I use for an excuse when I screw up?

I take a seat to people watch as the party rages around me. I quickly zone out and find myself thinking about something my dad told me recently.

"_You gotta start taking responsibility for your actions, Bells. You've got a lot of growing left, but you aren't a little girl anymore."_

That was the reason I changed my mind about sharing those racy pictures of Ms. Remy. Little did I know it was too late because I'd already shared them with Riley. I don't blame him though. I don't even blame Jordan or Aiden. I have no one to blame but myself.

I sit and continue to think about my time with Charlie and how easy it was to talk with him. We had an immediate connection, probably because he is so much like me. There is only one other person that understands me as well as my dad and that is Edward.

Dad asked a lot of questions about Edward, as opposed to my mother who thinks the less she knows the better. As if not knowing would change anything. I think Mom's motto is what you don't know can't hurt you. She truly does guard herself. I guess she feels that if you never acknowledge a problem, then you never have to deal with the pain that might accompany it.

Since Dad asked, and because he is so removed from the situation, I told him more about Edward than anyone else knows. I even told him about the fact that Edward is currently my teacher and school vice principal. Dad gave me some great advice and told me what I needed to hear, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear it. He agrees that I am not ready to give Edward the things he needs in a relationship. Charlie wasn't just talking about sex either. He reminded me that most serious relationships need a certain level of trust, strength, and support...things that I can't provide because I still rely on others for those things in my life.

Charlie's advice made me take a good hard look at the way I live my life, too. If Edward is right for me and it's just the wrong time for us to be together, then did my choice to go to that bar...to break that rule...change the original plan that fate had for us? Is this mess the price I have to pay now?

Seriously, I'm about to move to Chicago...Edward should be in Chicago. Maybe if I hadn't broken that rule I would have met Edward at the right time and all this turmoil would have been avoided. Of course, I don't know if art school in Chicago would even be a possibility if it weren't for him. I can rehash the details until I am blue in the face, but I remind myself that there are questions in life I will never know the answers to, reasons I will never understand, and I just let it go.

Riley startles me out of my thoughts and pulls me onto the dance floor. "Come dance with me, Bell. We're supposed to be having fun and you're being way too quiet. Stop thinking so much and just…feel," he says as he pulls me close to his body.

I try to take his advice, lose myself in the music, and just dance with him. Dancing might not be the best description of what I was doing though as it is mostly grinding. We continue our dance with me slowly sinking down his side then his leg, as low as I can go, before wiggling my body back up. Riley shakes his head at me with a broad smile right before I feel a tap on my shoulder. I glance over my shoulder to see Edward.

"Miss Swan, I need to speak with you." He holds his arm out to direct me toward the doors leading out of the hall. I excuse myself from Riley and encourage him to stay with the rest of the group and enjoy the dance.

Edward leads me outside to the area where the picture backdrop hung earlier this evening before he begins to speak. "The school has a dress code. Since this is a school sanctioned event that dress code has to be followed," he states.

"Okay. Can you tell me exactly what part of my dress breaks the dress code?" I ask him, feigning innocence. I've read up on the dress code and I'm prepared for this moment. I love a challenge.

"Bella...you can see half of your breasts," he whispers in frustration.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen but I don't recall reading anything in the handbook about backless dresses. I remember spaghetti straps, and there are a lot of those here tonight. Um, there was exposing your mid-drift" I mock, ticking off the rules on my fingers before I continue. "I'm pretty sure I've seen some of that due to those dresses with the decorative cutouts. Oh, and let's not even pretend that anyone tries to enforce the shorts-as-long-as-your-fingertip rule."

"Would you be this mouthy to anyone else?" he asks. From the tone of his voice I'm not sure if he is amused or annoyed.

"Yes, sir," I reply with a deadpan expression. Now I'm sure he is fighting a smile so I figure it's safe to go on.

"Don't let Mr. Banner bully you into his way of thinking. I know he is the one that's complaining about my dress. He is always complaining about me. I'm not sure if it's because I aced his stupid class without cracking open the textbook or if he just dislikes my personality," I rant.

"I have to do something. Everyone talks about how I give you special treatment. They imply that you're my favorite student, the teacher's pet...even other teachers." Edward stresses his words to hint that _other teachers_ would be Mr. Banner.

"So show them it's not like, but do it the right way. Picking me out of a crowd of offenders only shows them that you are trying to prove something. Right now all you're proving is that what they think is true. Either make all the dress code violators go home or look the other way for tonight. Otherwise all you're doing is proving that you do favor me. Of course, how could you not," I joke, placing my hand on my hip to exaggerate how great I think I am. The truth of the matter is that I don't think very highly of myself most of the time.

He shakes his head, with that smirk I know too well. "I don't know what I'm doing here," he finally says, throwing his hand up and sighing in exasperation.

"Learning?" I question.

"That goes without saying. I'm actually kind of tired of the never ending life lessons constantly being shoved in my face," he admits.

His comment brings me back to my earlier thoughts about acceptance. I sit down on a nearby bench and voice my thoughts. "Can I ask you something, Mr. Cullen?"

"You know you can ask me anything," he replies, as he sits down next to me. His body is close, but not too close.

I watch the floor, twisting my feet anxiously as I whisper, "How does a person accept things for what they are?" When I finish the question I look up and to the left to see his face.

This is the abbreviated question. What I really what to ask is more like…how do I accept what I know is right even when it doesn't feel that way? How do I accept Riley as enough? I want to know how Edward can accept Ms. Remy. How does he live knowing there is something better out there, something that might end up being lost along the way?

Amazingly, I think he sees all those underlying questions in my eyes because he purses his lips together and sucks in a deep breath before speaking. "My mom had a certain phrase that she used with me from a very young age. She was like a mountain, never moving once she made her decision. When she said no, she meant no. She always stood by her decisions, and that can be hard when dealing with kids who want their way and don't even consider 'no' an option. It's not an easy lesson to teach either. I'm not sure how she stayed so strong with all the sad faces and guilt trips we tried to pull on her."

"So, what was that phrase?" I'm curious, but I also want to know more and I'm jealous of the wisdom and boundaries Edward had growing up. Those helped make him the wonderful man he is today.

"If you don't like the way something is, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Then she would add, almost as an afterthought," he switches to a mock feminine voice before he continues, "And this, sweetie, is something you can't change so stop beating a dead horse."

I chuckle at his poor impersonation, but stop to ask, "So, is that how you stay with her? You change the way you think about it?"

He looks away and won't answer, probably because my question is too personal. I've crossed a couple lines tonight and I quickly remind myself that I'm just a student and I don't have the right to ask my vice principal these things about his love life.

"Sorry," I mumble. I stop to really think about what he just said and something pops out at me. "Wait. If your mom's right then how do you know when you should fight for what you want?"

He looks at me with obvious confusion on his face, so I explain further. "I mean, nothing you want to change ever comes without a fight, so what happens to your life if all you do is constantly give up, thinking nothing can be changed?"

With a heavy sigh he says, "You know when something is worth fighting for. You have to consider many things before you go to battle. Timing is hugely important. Isn't that why we aren't fighting? Don't we think one or both of us would lose too much in the long run?" I nod in agreement. "So that's when I changed the way I thought about it, about you. Being together isn't the answer. Standing still and ignoring life isn't the answer. Moving forward happily with what each of us does have is all we can do right now. I don't know what the future holds for you or me. If I did, it might make all this a lot less confusing."

Edward stops, almost as if he's trying to decide if he should share something else. He finally says, "I ask myself everyday if I am leading her on, being unfair to her...and to her daughter."

I'm surprised by the anguish I hear in his voice. I'm afraid he will regret sharing this information with me so I try to interrupt. "Edward, you don't…" I utter, but he just keeps talking.

"I'm too scared of standing still, even if that means I end up hurting other people in the end," he finishes breathily.

I scoot toward him on the bench so our legs are touching. I reach for his hand to offer what comfort I can. I don't think I have ever seen him this open about such raw feelings.

"If it's not making you happy you shouldn't force it. It's okay to be alone."

"She does make me happy," he admits. "But there is still this little voice telling me I'm being a selfish ass."

I decide to dig deeper. "Why do you equate standing alone to standing still?"

He reaches up with his free hand to pull at his hair and I feel the opposite hand squeeze mine as he stumbles through an explanation. "Because, if I did lose you completely… and if I let Liv go…and if you and I never work out, then what? I look for the third best thing and try to live my life around that?"

"If that's the case, if we get nothing else besides those three months..." He trails off and it saddens me to think that might be all there is for us. It's a reality Edward has to consider thought. It would be immature of him to not contemplate a future without me. Waiting and hoping would rob him of his life.

"Plus..." he chokes out. I know he is struggling with whether or not to share this thought with me, but when our eyes lock, I know he will. "The only way I win…the absolute only chance I have at happiness...is to make sure you let go and really grow up, whatever the cost of that may be. No holding back."

I'm floored by his honesty, but before I have a chance to absorb everything he said, much less comment, the banquet hall door opens. I quickly release Edward's hand and move to the other side of the bench. His words continue to play in my mind and I want to know exactly what he means. I can't ask for clarification because we have company, but even if we didn't, I can tell that in his mind he already said too much. It feels like we're playing a game of poker and he almost gave away his hand.

Mr. Banner's voice breaks the silence. "Everything okay out here?"

"Actually, I was just trying to figure out the best possible way to ruin the Senior Prom," Edward says as he stands up, puts his hands in his pockets, and turns toward Mr. Banner with a winning smile on his face. "Miss Swan isn't my favorite student for nothing, you see. She is incredibly smart, a quick thinker, and extremely resilient. Just when everyone thinks she's down and out, she bounces back stronger than ever."

Edward smiles down at me and I beg him to stop with my eyes. He is digging his own grave.

"I don't think I understand what you mean, Mr. Cullen." Mr. Banner crosses his arms defensively and Edward mimics his posture.

"Bella is breaking dress code, but so are half the girls in that room tonight. If you'd like to help me write up detention slips for seventy girls, give or take, and make sure we thoroughly destroy the last memories they have of their high school years, just let me know. I mean, why not reinforce that Wildwood really is the horrible place they claim it is. Or…we could look the other way for the night. We could start treating them more like the adults we claim we are sending out into the real world and less like immature children that can't make any choices for themselves."

Mr. Banners face has gone from expressionless, to shocked, to furious. "Rules are rules, Mr. Cullen. They are made for a reason and meant to be followed. As teachers, it's our job to make sure students follow the rules," he spits out.

"No, it is our job to teach them," Edward contradicts. "More than rules, more than math, more than history, it is our job to teach our students that the world is full of grey areas and that every rule has an exception. We need to help them understand when something is worth fighting for and when they need to accept that things won't always go their way. We should be showing these young adults…yes I said it…not teenagers or kids or children but young adults, about compromise and that there are people out in the world that aren't going to think like them, or agree with them, or have the same values as them. They should know that sometimes it's important to be the mountain. Sometimes you might have to fight and climb for what you want and sometimes it's okay to let things go. Not every battle is worth the war."

I'm sure my expression shows shock now too, but I'm both proud and touched by Edward's words.

Once he's finished, Edward turns to me. "Go back in and enjoy your night, Bella. There is no reason to make a mountain out of this mole hill."

He turns his attention back to Mr. Banner. They are still locked in a staring contest as I head toward the doors. I only glance back once to give Edward a grateful smile before going back inside. 

**All lemons in regular chapter will not be graphic, Outtakes, will be. We understand that it may be hard to handle. With that being said, we don't consider ten sentences a lemon or graphic. All we wanted was to show the differences between Edward and Bella, Edward and Liv.**

**It isn't the same as innocent love...**


	22. Chapter 22

**SM Owns. **

**So much has been going on...so so much. Thanks for being patient **

**Thanks to Becky and My2GalsPals...all the girls on Facebook**

**All you awesome readers for putting up with Liv...I think you will all be happy for hanging in there for this moment...lol.**

**Chapter 22: Summer Again**

**EPOV**

I pull up in front of Liv's house, hop out of the car and walk to the front door. She told me to wait outside but I was taught to always meet my date at her door, even if the event is simply our mandatory appearance at the local high school graduation ceremony. I knock when I reach the door and immediately hear Chloe running to greet me. "It's Edddiiieee!" she yells in the way only she can, still behind the closed door.

I hear Liv's voice filter through the barrier but I can't make out her words until she opens the door, just a crack. "Hey. I thought I told you to wait for me? I'll be right there." Then she closes the door in my face.

"Liv?" I ask in confusion, wondering if everything is okay.

"I'll be right there," she insists through the door.

That's when I notice the power cord running in through the open window as soft candle light filters out. Chloe suddenly throws the door wide open and hugs my leg, catching me a bit off guard. I reach down and run my hand over her hair.

"Hey kiddo," I offer cheerfully. I move to sit on the porch steps and pull her into my lap. I figure I can weasel some information out of her. Kids are too honest and innocent to hide things the way adults do. After some playful prodding she tells me plenty.

"Mommy said the lights were sleeping, Eddie. I think she cries at night because she misses her night light, too."

I stand up as quickly as I can without upsetting Chloe and carry her inside. The first thing I do is flip the light switch. Nothing happens. I'm a little upset that Liv didn't tell me she was having electrical problems. I follow the orange extension cord into the kitchen and find it attached to the refrigerator. I glance around the room and that's when I notice the stack of papers on the table.

Thirty days.

Sixty days.

Ninety days.

Due immediately.

I hear Liv's heels against the floor and pull my eyes away from the stack of bills.

"Are you kidding me?" she exclaims in shock, reaching out for Chloe who only hugs me tighter.

I'm at a loss for words but I finally decide on, "What's going on?" She just shakes her head. I guess she hopes I will ignore the obvious issue. I really thought she knew me better than that. I put Chloe down and tell her to pack some toys for her trip to Jenny's. As she leaves the room I turn my attention back to Liv.

"I told you to wait outside," she reminds me in a flat tone. I can see tears glistening in her eyes.

"What can I say? I'm a man and we don't listen very well," I say with a smile and shrug, trying to ease the tension in the room. She doesn't show any sign of amusement so I walk toward her. I want to offer help but I realize this is a volatile situation. I change my tone to one that I hope conveys seriousness and compassion. I need her to understand that I want to help in any way I can.

"Liv, what's going on? If money's the issue you know I can help you out. I'll let you borrow enough to get things back on track," I say as I reach for her hand.

She flinches away and shakes her head again. "I have it under control."

I look around at the extension cord, candles and open windows.

"Yeah, I can see that." Unfortunately, I realize just how sarcastic I sound right after the words leave my mouth.

"Edward, just drop it," Liv warns.

"How can I drop it? You don't have any electricity. It's not okay for you and Chloe to live like this so please let me help you..."

"I don't need your help," she interrupts.

I take a deep breath before I lose my temper and propose what I feel is an excellent compromise. "Fine. You and Chloe can stay at my place until the matter is solved."

"No, Edward. That's the last thing she needs. It's not good for her to be in a different environment," she argues as her tears begin to fall.

"And living without air conditioning in the middle of the summer is good for her? Well, that makes sense," I blurt as my anger gets the best of me. Her face suddenly changes and I realize I went one step too far.

"Don't even pretend like you have any idea about the problems I deal with daily or what is and isn't good for my daughter, Edward. You have no clue," she says through clenched teeth, punctuating each thought with a shake of her finger in my direction. It almost feels like she's scolding me the same way she would Chloe at the moment.

I run my hands through my hair. "You're right, but you could tell me so I can help you."

"By tossing money at me? No thanks." She folds her arms across her chest to signify the end of the discussion. Too bad I'm not a child.

"I said borrow, Liv. Christ, why are you being so stubborn?" I turn away and walk into the living room. I'm angry, so angry right now, but I can't figure out exactly why.

"Look, Lucas is supposed to pay for daycare. Three months ago I got a call from the daycare to let me know that he hadn't paid the three months before. Chloe had to go to day care, so I paid for the four months we were behind. That wiped out my savings, plus I had to keep paying for daycare which meant other things got neglected, so… I mean, I make decent money but the school year is over now so things are a bit tight. I couldn't ask my parents for help because I couldn't stand to listen to my mother tell me how having a child with such a deadbeat ruined my life. Chloe is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't lose her. I just... I'm going to get Lucas' mom to help me…but I didn't have any other options at that time, Edward," she rambles.

I'm totally floored at this point but I can't bring myself to feel sorry for her. I always keep my mouth shut when it comes to Liv's dealings with Lucas. That's about to end though. "If you had a court order none of this would happen."

Liv throws her hands in the air in aggravation. "That's just great. Now I get to hear 'I told you so' from you too!"

"But I never said anything before now because I didn't think it was my place. Well, I can't hold my tongue anymore. A court order is like insurance for your daughter. By letting him get away with this he isn't hurting you, he's hurting Chloe. I just can't, for the life of me, figure out why you let him do these things if she's the best thing that ever happened to you!" I shoot back at her.

As I try to figure out why Liv lets Lucas walk all over her I'm hit by the stark truth. I practically snort at the thought of her being in love with him, of her still wanting him despite his issues. That truth is probably the reason she handles my past with Bella so well.

"What?" she asks, trying to read my thoughts from the expression on my face.

"Forget it," I respond with another shake of my head as I walk past her and right out the front door. I try not to slam it as I leave but my attempt is an utter failure.

According to the clock in my car I have twenty minutes until graduation starts. That leaves me just enough time to stop at the grocery store on the corner. I know they accept payment of local utilities and plan to use that service regardless of Liv's objections. I'm not worried about the cost because I'm doing this to make a point. Both Liv and Lucas claim that Chloe is the most important person in their worlds, yet they are content to let her suffer while they play these stupid games with each other. Well, not today.

I walk into the store and head straight to the customer service counter. The clerk is an older woman with grey hair. She doesn't even have time to offer a word of greeting before I make my request. "I need to pay the electricity bill for One-forty East Hildreth Avenue."

Her smile is kind but she doesn't say a word as she turns her attention to her computer screen and immediately starts tapping on her keyboard. When she does speak, her voice is scratchy and hoarse, like someone who's enjoyed cigarettes for many years.

"With the reconnection fee of one-hundred fifty dollars, that brings the total to three-thousand thirty-five dollars and two cents."

"Can't forget the two cents, can we?" I mumble under my breath as I pull out my credit card and hand it over. I really didn't mean for her to hear me, as this situation isn't her fault, but based on the glare she directs at me I'm guessing that she heard every sarcastic word. I offer an apologetic smile and a timid, "Sorry." She takes my card and focuses her eyes back on the screen.

"Actually, I'd like to pay an additional five-hundred fifty dollars. Can you do that for me?" I ask, using all the charm I have to get my way.

She nods and continues her typing without even glancing my way. When she finally does look up at me she says in a hushed voice, "I've known Olivia Remy her whole life. She is a good woman and a great mother. From the looks of your hair this is probably going to put you in the dog house. She can be pretty prideful but don't let that get in the way. I've heard good things about you, Mr. Cullen, and this proves the gossip is true. You're a saint for doing this for her."

"Thank you," I reply, taking her words very seriously. "I'm sorry to run but I have I have to be at the graduation ceremony in…one minute!" I exclaim as I look down at my watch. Shit.

I'm not sure how, but I make it to the auditorium just as the students are preparing to march out. I take a minute to straighten my clothes from my recent mad dash to make it in time and spot Liv in the crowd. When she eventually looks my way I can't help but avert my eyes.

As the students walk into the room I find Bella and hold her gaze. She smiles at me and I give her a 'thumbs up' sign because I'm truly proud of her accomplishments. She laughs at me and keeps walking. I take my seat on the stage right next to Mr. Banner. I turn to say hello only to see him roll his eyes and shake his head at my interaction with 'my favorite student'.

UtB

"…so don't be disheartened at goodbyes because a farewell is necessary in order to meet again. Meeting again, whether after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends. See you soon, friends."

At the end his speech Marcus calls me over to help hand out the diplomas. There is applause for every student that crosses the stage but the cheers are more boisterous when Riley's name is called. It's clear that the community considers him the golden boy. Based on his smile and wave to the audience I would say it's a title he enjoys holding, too.

"Congratulations, Riley," I say, shaking his hand. He smiles and thanks me.

Eventually Bella's name is called and I watch as she makes her way up the stairs. I see her looking out into the crowd and follow her gaze to where Emmett and Rosalie sit.

I smile, offer my hand, and say, "Congratulations, Bella."

Bella returns my smile and reaches out to shake my hand. "See you soon, Mr. Cullen," she says as she squeezes my hand. Her implication is clear and it's all I can do to release her hand and let her go.

Once all the names are called and the students are back at their seats Marcus announces, "Please join me as we recognize Wildwood High School's graduating class of two-thousand eleven!" The cheers from the crowd are almost deafening as caps fly into the air.

I clap for the whole class but my eyes are again on Bella as she laughs and hugs Jessica. Her smile grows as she turns and catches my eye. We remain like that, in our own little bubble, until her family surrounds her with laughter and congratulatory hugs. I feel like I'm intruding on their private celebration so I look away. My line of sight falls on Rose and I notice she is looking at me blankly. Before I can feel any shame at being caught staring at Bella, Rose smiles warmly and waves. I didn't expect that response, but I certainly appreciate it.

UtB

As I stand at the sink washing my hands after a trip to the restroom I hear a toilet flush in one of the stalls. I glance up into the mirror but I don't recognize the man who exits the stall. He has nondescript brown hair and a mustache. As he raises his head I get a good look at his eyes there is no doubt in my mind who this man is.

I am standing in the bathroom with Bella's dad.

We make eye contact in the mirror and he nods at me. "Nice ceremony," he says. I notice a small twitch of his mustache but I'm too stunned to reply. My only answer is a stiff nod.

"You're Vice Principal Cullen, right? My girl, Bella Swan, talks about you constantly. Says you were the best teacher she ever had. I hear you even helped her get a scholarship so…I guess I should be thanking you."

I nod again, wondering just how much Bella told him about our relationship and whether or not he is carrying his gun at this moment. I try to play things off with a casual shrug of my shoulders and say, "It was no problem really."

He glances around the room before turning back to me with a serious expression on his face. He looks directly into my eyes and says, "She told me…everything." His eyebrows lift toward his hairline on the last word, emphasizing his true meaning.

I look at the floor as I forcefully expel a breath through my lips and scratch the back of my head nervously before looking back up at him. Unsure exactly how to handle this situation I make and attempt at humor. "You're not wearing your gun right now, are you?" I assume I made the right decision as he laughs heartily and walks over to pat me on the back…until he suddenly gets serious.

"Now, I'm sure you understand that, like any father, I don't like what happened. My baby shouldn't have to go through such heartache. She did make sure to tell me that you were good to her and that she brought the trouble upon herself. She lied, and that girl..." He pauses to chuckle, which makes me wonder where his memory takes him. "She never could tell when she was in over her head. Got herself stuck in a tree once and was there for hours before we found her. Had us worried sick. When we finally found her and asked what the heck happened she told us she couldn't figure out how to get down and didn't want to ask for help. She's stubborn, just like her mother," he adds with a smile. I have to smile with him because it sounds just like the girl I know.

He sobers up before continuing, making me think he's about to say something he feels is pretty important. "Listen, any other time I'd have my gun trained on the kid chasing after my daughter, looking for any excuse to throw him in a cell. I see the way you look at her though. It's the same way I look at Renee, even after all this time. I respect you and the fact that you have her best interest at heart…even though it's tearing you to pieces. You're a good man."

He reinforces his words by placing a firm hand on my shoulder. Before I can say anything else he turns and leaves the room. I'm left alone…and stunned. "Thank God he didn't bring his gun..." I murmur under my breath as the door opens again and Riley enters the bathroom.

"Hey," he says, making minimal eye contact.

I feel like I should say something so I go with, "Congratulations, Riley."

He nods, stops abruptly, then opens his mouth as if he's about to say something. Instead, he just shakes his head before he turns and walks right back out the door. I'm completely confused by his behavior but I don't have the energy to pursue answers tonight and really can't handle any more drama.

I exit the restroom and look for Marcus. I find him in the lobby wishing everyone a good evening as they leave the building. I'm not in the mood for small talk so I watch the crowd and try to decide how much longer I need to stay. As I examine the crowd I find Bella and her family again. She happens to be looking at me also. As I enjoy our moment across the crowded room Renee looks up and notices me too.

"Oh! Mr. Cullen," Renee calls as she crosses the distance between us. "It's hard to imagine this is the last time you'll see Bella, isn't it?"

Bella gasps but quickly disguises the noise as a cough and works to regain her composure. I can't blame her as I feel panic as keenly as if it were another person standing nearby. "Yes, that is odd. What am I gonna do without my favorite student?" I ask playfully, directing my comment at Bella.

She offers an angelic smile and replies, "I'm pretty sure you'll manage."

I spot Liv as I finish my visit with Bella and her mother. I don't know if she's seen me, or even if she's looking for me, but it's evident that she heading for the door at this moment. As if she can feel my eyes following her, she looks up and graces me with a soft smile before leaving the building.

I spend the rest of what feels like a very long night talking to students and their parents. Liv is in the back of my mind the whole time. I'm curious about her reaction when she finds out I took care of her electric bill.

Marcus and I are the last to leave at the end of the night. We walk out together and wish each other a good night as we separate to move to our respective cars. I slow my pace as I notice a person standing beside mine. It only takes a moment for me to recognize the person, even in the dark parking lot. When I reach the car we stand in silence as I wait to hear what she has to say.

"I know I shouldn't be here right now but I..." She hesitates, as if choosing her words carefully, and digs the toe of her shoe into the pavement. "This isn't really the last time, right? I know I'm not supposed to hang on, and I'll try not to, but if this is the last time I'll see you then I feel like I should say something more profound than 'I'm sure you'll manage.'"

I bite my tongue because my gut reaction is to say that it doesn't have to be. I want to tell her that she just has to say the word and I'd leave everything behind for her. I'm surprised that I realize that isn't the honest truth though. I have a life here and a job that I love and couldn't find anywhere else. I deserve to be a little selfish, right?

I decide to keep most of my thoughts to myself and just shake my head instead. "No, this won't be the last time. You'll come back home from time to time, right? I'll be here. And if you need anything you know where to find me. Besides, it's not like Chicago is all that big," I joke. "I'm sure we'll run into each other when I visit."

She laughs and the sound is music to my ears. When a strand of hair escapes from behind her ear I can't help but brush it away from her face. She surprises me when she grabs my hand. I look around to see if there's anyone nearby. I want to kiss her in the worst way. She isn't a student anymore so technically nothing would be wrong. Instead of giving into temptation, I squeeze her hand and pull her to me. She leans into me and rests her head over my heart while I run my hand over her hair.

"I'm really gonna miss seeing you every day," she whispers.

"I wish I could say I won't miss you…but that would be a lie. I think I might even miss the drama that seems to follow you. All other students are going to seems so boring compared to you." She steps back from our hug as we both chuckle at my joke.

"Don't you dare go and replace me with a new favorite student," she orders sassily while poking me in the chest. God, I'm going to miss this girl.

Our moment is interrupted when her phone beeps. She frowns and huffs. "I have to go. Charlie only gave me five minutes. If I'm gone longer than that he threatened to come back with his gun," she offers by way of explanation.

I run the backs of my fingers across the apple of her cheek. "I'll see you later, Bella." She smiles again and I swear I can see a slight blush across her face before she lowers her head and walks away.

I unlock my car and hear her call, "Hey, Edward," before I can even open the door. I turn to look at her for the last time tonight. "No regrets," she says as she backs toward Charlie's car. I watch as Bella opens her door. Charlie offers a small but friendly wave as she gets in, and then they're gone.

"No regrets," I mumble into the night air before checking my phone. I was hoping to see a missed call from Liv. A text would have been okay, too. All I have is a blank screen though. Nothing.

I drive home, completely unsure of what I should do next. I'm so exhausted that I can't even make it up the stairs and instead choose to crash on the couch with Angel. The sound of knocking wakes me a few hours later. Once I'm awake enough to realize it's coming from the front door and not my dreams I stand and make my way to the foyer, trying to brush all the dog hair off my extremely wrinkled black slacks. I open the door to find a very upset Liv on my doorstep. She wastes no time with a greeting.

"Do you always storm out if you don't get your way?" I rub my eyes, still half asleep and completely at a loss as to how to respond. "Maybe it's too hard to handle when your little community service project puts up a fight. I bet that puts a real kink in your knight-in-shining-armor complex when I don't just roll over and let you save the freaking day."

"Liv…" I reach for her hand in hopes of calming the situation.

"I had it under control," she states angrily as she pulls away from my touch. "It's not like Lucas didn't have the money." She emphasizes her point by smacking an envelope, which I assume contains Lucas's money, against my chest.

I ignore the gesture and ask the questions that have been bothering me. "Why couldn't you just accept my help? How long were you going to continue waiting if I didn't wound your pride? It wasn't about you anyway, I did it for Chloe."

"You don't have to worry about her!" she exclaims, throwing up her hands in frustration.

"Someone obviously should." I'm pretty sure I went too far with that last comment so I hang my head in shame as she glares at me. After a painfully long pause Liv's quiet voice breaks the silence and causes me to look up at her.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I should have known better than to get involved with someone like you. You're too good for me and I don't deserve you or your kindness." She looks toward the ceiling and shakes her head as tears start to slip down her cheeks. "I'm done pretending."

I'm floored by her reaction. Of all the things she could do or say I definitely did not expect that. As she holds the envelope out to me this time I gently take it from her hand. "So that's it? You're breaking up with me because I tried to help you?"

"Unfortunately, I'm not the kind of woman who can be perfectly content with what she has. Every time I should be...When good things come my way…" she huffs, probably because she's having trouble organizing her thoughts. She takes a deep breath and tries again. Placing her hand on her chest she says, "All this time, I've been trying to prove, to myself, that I could be good for you. I'm not perfect though. I screw up and I have to learn from my mistakes and fix them. I've been trying to hide my flaws because you are such a wonderful man and I wanted to be a wonderful woman for you. I can't keep hiding things because I'm afraid. I can't be in a relationship like this anymore, where I don't feel like an equal partner. I thought I could be enough for both of us, but I'm not…and I've been acting like a stupid girl that holds onto a boy no matter what the cost. I hate that girl. I don't want to be that girl."

"Liv, I'm not sure I understand…"

"I was so wrong to push things between us, Edward." She steps toward me and places one of her hands against my scruffy cheek. "You're amazing and I am really grateful for everything you've done for me and for Chloe, but I think it's better this way. I do hope we can still be friends."

After another pause, she stands on her tiptoes and quickly presses her lips to mine. Almost as quickly she walks out the door, closing it softly behind her.

Just like that, I have another friend. The whole situation feels a bit like déjà vu. The main difference is that although I still care for Liv and Chloe, this break-up merely leaves my heart chipped, not shattered.

**BPOV**

"Shouldn't you be obnoxiously happy right now?" Cam asks, playfully bumping shoulders as he takes a seat beside me.

"Probably," I mutter as I watch Riley talk with Kelsey. The truth is I can't stop thinking about how happy I should be. I'm done with high school and I'll be leaving for college in less than two months.

In reality I'm a bit unsure about my future and leaving my whole family behind. I probably won't even be here when my nephew is born. Yes, Rose found out yesterday that she is having a boy. Emmett is ecstatic, to say the least.

As if he feels me looking at him, Riley turns my way, smiles, and salutes me with his beer bottle before taking a drink.

"I really wish you were coming with us. I don't want to listen to him whine about how much he misses you the whole trip," Cam teases.

Riley and his family are leaving for Australia tomorrow night. He'll be gone for a month and a half and I can't imagine being away from him for that long. Charlie and Renee said they'd send me as my graduation present. Although I did want to go, I told the Biers that I couldn't because I'd miss too much time with my family. Honestly I could not handle the thought of being in a foreign country with Mrs. Biers. She'd probably find a way to feed me to the sharks.

"Whatever," I reply while I roll my eyes. "He'll have so much fun he'll forget all about me." I'm not sure if I mean over the summer or when Riley leaves for college, or maybe even both. I may sound like I'm joking around to Cam but the thought of Riley actually forgetting about me hurts, a lot.

"Please. If you could see the way he looks at you it would make you want to throw up, too," he laughs. I just shake my head and watch as Riley stumbles toward us. He's so drunk he's taken off his shoes and shirt and his accent is out in full force. Jesus, he's sexy using that accent and wearing only black dress pants.

"Gross. You look at him the same way," Cam comments as he gets up and walks away mumbling something about more beer.

"Hey," Riley says with a mischievous smile. I can't help but smile back at him.

"Hi," I answer softly, focusing more on his muscular chest than his handsome face. He flops down next to me on my blanket. I lean my head onto his shoulder and he plants a kiss on top of it.

"I'm going to miss you so much," he says in his richly accented voice. I can't help but smile when his hands grasp my waist and he pulls me onto his lap. I wrap my arms around him in a tight hug and tangle one of my hands in the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Me too," I whisper in his ear, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. Before I can give it too much thought I also whisper, "I love you."

His arms tighten around me. When he finally loosens his grip I shift to straddle his legs. His fingers play with the bottom of my light green wrap dress as he stares into my eyes. It's then that I realize he isn't as drunk as I thought he was.

"Last year... hell, even two months ago I would have laughed at you. I probably would have accused you of saying that just to say it. I know it's the truth now though, and you don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say those words," he says throatily. I lean in to kiss him and he lies back on the blanket so I'm on top of him. I hear a groan but it doesn't sound like Riley. When we break apart and look up Cam is standing over us with a disgusted look on his face.

"I'm gonna go up to the room," he says, pointing off into the distance as if we need clarification. "Try not to get arrested for indecent exposure. You guys have a room for...gross," he shudders and walks off.

We laugh at his reaction, even after he's long gone. I roll off Riley but curl myself around his body to cuddle. After a while his lips find mine and the kiss he gives me makes me forget all about the people that may be watching us. We continue to cuddle and occasionally kiss as people start to leave.

Before I know it, I look up to find we're the only ones left. Riley is quick to notice too. He begins to kiss me with different intentions. As the kisses become more heated, he rolls on top of me and uses his knees to nudge my legs apart. Eventually, my skirt rises and his pants fall. I feel his touch everywhere. Lips, hands and breathy I-love-yous. We never make it up to our room, both of us falling asleep on the beach.

UtB

I wake up to the feel of the sun on my face and the sound of the waves hitting the shore. My slight movement must disturb Riley because his arms tighten around me. I snuggle close and kiss first his forehead, next his nose, and then his lips. He smiles, but does not open his eyes.

"Don't wanna go," he mumbles as his arms tighten around me even more. Then, without warning, he quickly rolls on top of me and buries his face in the crook of my neck. I giggle at the feel of his scratchy whiskers on my skin.

"It's too late. God knows Lucinda would hold it against me for keeping you here when you should be on vacation with your family. I'll be here when you get back." My words are meant to be reassuring but he just growls at them.

Riley pushes up on his elbows to hover over me and I cup hi cheeks in my hands. "I'm calling you every day. Tell your mom I'll pay the long distance charges." I just laugh at him.

My thoughts turn serious suddenly. "So, this is the first summer that we aren't letting go?" I ask as I trail a finger down his bare chest following its path with my eyes.

I look up to find him staring back at me. "I wish I'd never let go during any of those summers." He punctuates his comment with a lingering kiss to my forehead. I can't say the same though because then I would have missed Edward. I would never wish anything that would change what I shared with him.

I smile and look away, hoping that Riley will consider the gesture flirtatious. "Don't you have to pack?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"Yes," he moans but doesn't move. I push him off me and stand up, hoping to get him moving. He looks up at me with surprise as I extend my hand and motion with my head that we should go. A sigh escapes his lips before he takes my hand and pulls himself up off the sand. He brushes off his pants, then grabs the blanket from the ground.

When we reach Twilight he comes in to say bye to Renee. They chat briefly before Riley has to leave. I walk him out and once outside my front door I take his hand. "Don't forget about me over there."

He gives me a small smile and runs the fingers of his free hand over my cheek. "As if that's possible. I love you, Bell," he whispers as he rests his forehead against mine.

"I love you, too," I answer.

He places a sweet peck on my lips and pulls away quickly. I get the feeling we wouldn't be able to stop if he were to do any more.

UtB

It's finally my senior week but I really don't care because I've celebrated it the past three years. A lot of my friends went to Florida or Cancun for the occasion, but I'm perfectly content to stay right here under my boardwalk at the beach. All I want is a peaceful, drama free summer. Seems like a simple request but based on my past it's a pretty tall order.

The shade the boardwalk provides and the breeze coming off the ocean make me chilly in my bikini so I pick up my things and move into the sun. Before walking away I run my fingers over the indentations that Edward carved in the wood. I wonder if I will see him this summer. You know, just bump into him somewhere. I end up searching for him everywhere. It's terrible knowing he's so close but not seeing him every day.

I spend the next two weeks in the same routine; beach, pool, eat, paint, talk to Riley, sleep.

As the summer progresses, more and more people fill the beach. I have given up trying to spot Edward because the crowd is just too big now. I also stop going under the boardwalk. Each time I go and he isn't there it pokes another hole into my heart and I can't take it anymore. I wonder if it will always be this hard, or if these feelings are just part of the break up I never really experienced since I saw him almost every day at school.

The art show is coming up soon. I think about it a lot, not because I'm so eager to go but because I have an extra ticket and not one person to invite. Whenever I think of asking someone the only person that comes to mind is Edward. Of course, he did say I could call and that he was here for me.

Impulsively, I reach for my beach bag, pull out my phone, and dial his number. While I nervously wait for him to answer I play with the pink ruffle on my low rise bikini bottoms. I never would have thought I'd fall in love with this multicolor floral bikini with ruffles, but I did. I love how colorful it is. It doesn't hurt that it makes my breast look a little bigger either.

Now if I just had bigger breasts...

"Hello?" Edward answers while breathing heavily, distracting me from more thoughts of my breasts.

"Hey. It's, ah…it's Bella."

He just laughs and it makes my pulse race. "Yeah, I gathered that when I saw your name blinking on my screen."

"Right. Silly me." I'm a little giddy over the fact that he still has my number programmed into his phone.

"Did you need something?" he asks.

"Oh, it's nothing major. I feel kinda silly for calling you about it actually. You know, if you're busy-"

"Bella, just tell me already," he kids. "I'm not busy; I'm just walking Angel on the boardwalk."

For some reason I turn around and look for him, as if I'd spot him almost two miles up the beach on the boardwalk. Okay, so it's not really two miles, but it is ridiculously far away.

"Oh? I'm down on the beach… right around the tattoo parlor."

"Why don't you come grab some pizza with me? We can sit and chat about why you called." He actually sounds hopeful. Even if he didn't there is no way I could tell him no.

"Sure. Give me…ten minutes to get my stuff together and I'll meet you up there." I hope I don't sound too eager as I answer.

Excited to see Edward, I shove my towel, book, and sun block into my bag then fold up my chair and use it's built in strap to carry it on my other shoulder. I feel my stomach somersault as I make my way up to the boardwalk. It may be because I'm hungry, but it's more likely my nerves.

I spot Edward and wave. Just then a tram car comes down the boardwalk right where I need to cross. I hear the pre-recorded "Watch the Tram Car Please" and it makes me cringe. The woman they got to record that phrase has a God awful voice. Floss is her name and she recorded it in 1971. I wait impatiently, as the yellow and blue car passes slowly by, so I can get to Mack's, and more importantly, to Edward.

As I catch my first glimpse of Edward in weeks I see he is wearing blue and white plaid shorts and a white wife beater. The shorts keep sliding down his hips and he fights to pull them back up with one hand as he holds Angel's leash in the other. If I'm correct, he hasn't shaved in at least a week. He looks so young and sexy like this that part of me is thankful he's wearing a baseball cap that covers most of his gorgeous hair that I'd love to run my fingers through.

As I get closer, I start to worry about how we should greet one another. Is a hug okay or not? Shaking his hand feels a bit ridiculous after what we've been through together. It looks like he may be contemplating the same issue. As I get closer his eyes scan my body. He waves his hand from my feet to my head a couple times and asks, "No cover-up?"

"Right, I forgot how conservative you were," I tease, rolling my eyes. I set my beach chair against the side of one of the stores and then root through my bag for my shorts. Once I find them, I slide on the small pair of white shorts I bought last weekend. On the ass it says 'I', then has a picture of a heart and another picture of a rooster. I'm not sure Edward will find them more appropriate than the bathing suit, but I couldn't resist them. Since he can't see my ass yet, I give him my best smile and ask, "Better?"

He just gives a small nod. "Angel can't go in so down the boardwalk a little bit there is that courtyard with all the tables..." Edward begins.

"Right by the water park," I finish to let him know I understand the area he is talking about.

"Yeah. If you watch Angel I'll run in and get the food."

"Sounds good," I reply with a nod. I take the leash and reach down to pet Angel. She seems excited to see me. "How's my little blue eyed princess?" I ask in that stupid voice that's reserved for babies and pets.

Edward comes out with a big box of pizza and says we can get drinks at the food court. He reaches over and picks up my beach chair and I keep Angel. As we walk down the boardwalk in the sweltering heat Edward makes small talk. "How's the summer been so far? Have you done anything interesting?"

I give my standard answer and then ask, "What about you?"

When we reach the crowded food court both of us scan the area for an empty table. Once I spot one I race over before someone else can take it. Edward is right behind me and places the pizza on the table before he takes Angel's leash and secures it to one of the legs of the table. "Good girl," he praises, patting her head.

"Thirsty?" he asks, looking around to see which food vendor has the shortest line.

"Yeah," I answer.

"Root beer, right?" he asks, remembering my favorite soda. It makes me wonder if he still keeps some in his house. Instead of asking I just nod in reply.

I watch him walk away; the muscles on his back give me butterflies. I wonder if he will always make me feel like this. I finally manage to pull my eyes away from his body and open the pizza box. I put a paper plate down at each of our seats, then grab a slice for him before getting one for myself. I use a few of the napkins to remove some of the grease from my slice. Just then, Edward comes back with a root beer and a corona.

I raise my eyebrows and say, "I wouldn't have minded a twisted tea, you know."

"Too bad you're only eighteen," he responds with a chuckle.

"Only...right." The words come out so softly it sounds like I'm upset. I don't mean to sound like that because I'm not. It's the truth after all. I may be allowed to vote, go to war, move out, get a credit card, and many other things...but for another year and three months the word teen effectively describes my age. I wish age really was just a number.

"I don't think of you as a child, Bella," Edward says with intense sincerity.

I just offer a half-hearted smile. We both know I'm in limbo hell. I'm at that age where I'm not a child, but not an adult either. Old enough for some things, too young for others. Without really thinking I add, "Funny. I can get married if I want…but I can't have a drink at my wedding."

The look on Edward's face is priceless as he stumbles all over his words. "Are you...? Did Riley...?"

I want to laugh, and I almost do, but messing with him is worth the effort it takes to control myself. "He asked me the night of graduation."

I see heartbreak flash across his eyes before he hides his true feeling and plasters a smile across his face. "Wow, that's...I'm happy for you. I mean, if you're happy then I'm happy."

"Bullshit," I call. "Don't lie to me, Edward. Tell me what you really think."

Edward puts his pizza down and leans back in his chair. "Fine. I think you're making a mistake."

"Why, because I'm too young?" I ask with a look of irritation on my face.

"No, because he's not the one," Edward answers immediately and seriously. Wow. Guess my joke went over like a lead balloon. Now I just feel stupid. I take a bite of the pizza in front of me and chew so I have something to do.

"I'm not getting married. You made that assumption and I thought it would be funny to fuck with you. Guess I was wrong. Sorry."

He lets out a sigh of relief and reaches up to run his hands through his hair. "Jesus Christ, Bella! I almost had a heart attack!"

I apologize again and jump into the real reason I called. "So, I was thinking that, if Liv thinks it's okay, it would mean a lot to me if you came to that Urban Art Gallery with me. I have two tickets but no one I know really wants to spend their Friday night at an art show. And honestly, I'd enjoy it so much more with someone who understands what's going on around them."

"Oh...well, I don't think Liv will give a shit." Looks like the 'happy couple' is no more. An uncomfortable laugh escapes before I can stop it, and I see some confusion and hurt flash across his features.

"I'm sorry," I respond, although I'm really not. I realized the night of prom that he wasn't with her for the right reasons. He was so lonely and in need of a friend. He had this beautiful woman offering more than he needed and he tried to hold on to her for the sake of being...sensible. He sighs heavily and shakes his head as if he just realized the same thing I do about his relationship with Liv.

"What time does it start?" he asks, taking off his hat, pushing his hair back, and then placing the hat on his head again.

"It's at seven at the Trump Plaza in Atlantic City. We could get dinner before maybe..." I offer. When I see the look on his face I want to take it back. "Not like a date or anything…just as friends," I clarify quickly.

"That's not it, Bella. I work on Friday and I don't get off until seven. I'd love to go but I can't get there until about seven-thirty...if that's okay with you?" he asks tentatively.

"Yeah, totally," I answer happily. When I ask about work, confused because the school year is over, he explains that he's back at his old job at Keenan's for the summer, just to keep busy and bring in some extra money.

Conversation gets easier after that as we talk and eat way too much pizza. He buys us Polish water ice after we finish lunch and walk down the boards. He uses his empty water ice cup to give Angel a drink of water. She laps it up greedily as we laugh at her.

As we part for the day Edward hugs me goodbye and tells me to take off the shorts. He admits that he'd rather have me half naked then advertising my love of cock. I fight to keep from laughing and attempt to say, "But roosters are so cute," with a straight face.

Edward offers his trademark crooked grin. "Ha, ha…very funny," he deadpans. "Seriously though, I'll see you Friday...about 7:30," Edward says as he backs away from me.

"Friday," I confirm, trying to hide the huge smile stretching across my face.

UtB

I walk up to the Trump Plaza and look down at myself, wondering what phase of fashion I have entered and how comfortable I am actually wearing this in public. I found this outfit, and a few others, online and fell in love with them at first sight. I can't wait to show Chicago this version of Bella Swan…but I'm not quite sure Jersey is ready.

The best way I can describe my new style is Boho. I searched for something new to wear to this event because I wanted to fit in by...standing out. Artists don't always blend. They do their own thing. Since I'm an artist, and if I want to make a life out of art, I realized I needed to take a good long look in the mirror. When I saw this dress, the first thing I thought was 'this is art'. I know clothes are designed, but I never stopped to appreciate the art and detail that went into making the clothes. That thought even had me wanting to talk to Alice about fashion design. The dress I chose for tonight is orange with a blue cow print. It has one long sleeve while the other arm is strapless. It cinches at my waist then falls a few inches above my knee. It wasn't easy to find shoes for this dress but after a long search I finally found blue strappy heels that match perfectly.

Jessica was with me when all my new clothes arrived. She wasn't very into them. She thought they were hippy-ish, and I guess they are, but I like the paisley and the fringe, the flowers and colors. They all inspire me. I let her comments slide because she did my hair perfectly. She left a few strands out in the front, parted it right down the middle, made loose French braids on each side, and then managed to get the back up into some messy intricate bun.

I feel the loose strands tickle my cheek as wind blows in off the ocean. The doorman opens the door to the hotel for me and I smile and thank him. The sheer size of the place stops me in my tracks. All of these hotels are so huge. Restaurants, stores, casinos, bars, pools, gift shops all under on roof. I feel a little overwhelmed here by myself. I know Edward will be here soon but right now I have to find the gallery amongst all this madness.

I make my way through the hotel, following the signs for the Urban Art Gallery. Once I find the gallery I feel even more out of place. Art is my element so I don't understand, but some people are dressed up while some aren't, so I'm kind of confused.

I've only ever been in museums, but this is so different. These artists are trying to make a living. The next Starry Night could be in this room. I look around, wondering where to start or if I should just wait for Edward. I can't imagine it would be much fun walking around by myself. As I mill around a waiter comes by and offers me a glass of wine. I smile, thank him, and gladly sip the white wine, hoping it will help me relax.

A set of pictures catch my eye so I stop to study them. The subject is Heath Ledger as the Joker. They make me think of Edward. Alice has told me all about his comic books and how excited he was to see Ledger's performance. He thought it was so cool to have a movie based on comic books get recognized by the Oscars. I would love to get it for him...but I don't have a few thousand extra dollars lying around.

When I turn to move on to the next painting I feel fingers wrap around my upper arms, "Hey now," the voice says through laughter.

I close my eyes and shake my head in humiliation. "I'm so sorry...I can't believe I ran into you." I feel like the biggest idiot.

"Don't worry about it," the voice reassures.

When I open my eyes, my stomach gets caught in my throat. I'm instantly attracted to this man.

Peroxide blonde hair styled in a mo-hawk. Ice blue eyes. I look down his slender body and notice he has Emo down to a Science. Skinny jeans. Short sleeve button down shirt. Thin tie.

I look back up and realize he's just watched me check him out, and I apologize again. "I'm sorry," I manage as I try not to blush.

"Really, it's cool."

"Thanks. I'm Bella, by the way." I hold my hand out to him.

"Nice to meet you," he says shaking my hand.

I look at him expectantly but I'm met with silence. "You know, it's customary to introduce yourself in return..."

"I didn't know I needed an introduction at my own art show," he chuckles, still holding onto my hand. "I'm Gage."

Now I really want to die.

* * *

**Trying hard to finish the next chapter, but we keep losing our computers...We will do our best though. Thanks for the reviews, even the ones that say we suck inspire us and drive us forward on this journey. **

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	23. Chapter 23

**SM owns, thats all. **

**Huge love goes out to Becky and My2GalsPal for all they do to get UtB ready to bring to you! Thanks so much everyone for being patient with this update. **

**Amy and I both entered this contest for the Blog The Lemonade Stand. We didn't do anything together - so we are rivals! LOL! Anyway it's Lyrics and Lemons, can't tell you which ones are ours, but go check it out, and vote for your favorite! **

**It's the first contest I've entered, and I'm pretty excited about it.**

**THEN come hang out with us on Under the Boardwalk facebook group where we will post teasers for Chapter 24!**

**Chapter 23: What goes up...**

**BPOV**

Gage saves me from my own embarrassment with a smile and a friendly, "It's nice to meet you, Bella."

I smile back before motioning toward the painting. "This is amazing, and you really are talented."

"Well thanks…but, this isn't my exhibit. My work is over there," he says with a playful narrowing of his eyes as he points behind me. I look over my shoulder, completely embarrassed and at a loss for words. These feelings are totally new. I'm usually so confident but now I feel like an idiot. I'm also conflicted because part of me doesn't like experiencing these emotions, while the other part does.

I mumble out loud, but mainly for my own ears, "I'm so stupid. Adrien Repenti does all this iconic stuff. I know that." I shake my head, thinking of Edward and all the times he mentioned the artist.

Gage continues to smile and offers a polite, "You aren't being stupid."

"I just didn't recognize you. I Googled you…" What? Did I really just admit that? God I sound like such an idiot, "...when I got the tickets. Your hair is different though." I point at his bleached hair that had been brown in all the pictures I found. When his hair was brown his blue eyes didn't seem so icy. The small change really did alter his whole appearance.

He leans in and almost whispers, "Yeah, I just did this. I'm still trying to decide if it's too much. What do you think?" I'm not sure if he's being playful or serious. I think he realizes I'm confused as I bite my bottom lip in indecision.

He laughs at me this time, his whole face lighting up and his eyes sparkling. "It's okay; I'm just playing with you. Would you like a tour?" he asks waving his hand to indicate the whole space.

I want to say yes but I should really wait for Edward. I glance at my phone to see if I have missed any calls or texts from Edward but there's nothing but a blank screen on my phone. Just as I'm about to explain that I'm meeting a friend I hear a familiar voice call out my name and turn to find Edward smiling at me.

"Sorry I'm late," he apologizes as he leans in to plant a small kiss on my cheek, all the while keeping his eyes on Gage.

"You're here now. That's all that matters," I reassure. From the corner of my eye I see Gage slowly backing away while focusing his eyes on the ground. I really didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. I reach out and touch his forearm to get his attention. "Wait. Gage, this is my friend Edward. Is that tour still up for grabs?"

"Sure," Gage replies, although he seems a bit more reserved than he was before Edward arrived. I make formal introductions and Edward comments on Gage's talent. Of course Edward would know who Gage was without my introduction.

"Um...I need to run to the ladies room. Would you excuse me for a second?" I ask, feeling like a child. Edward takes my wine glass with a raised eyebrow; I just shrug.

"Of course. It's right around the corner," Gage responds.

I leave Edward and Gage for the restroom but rush back as soon as possible. Just as I'm about to round the corner I hear Gage and Edward talking. I pause before interrupting only to stop dead in my tracks when I realize they are discussing me.

"So just friends?" Gage asks. I'm dying to hear Edward's answer. I hope Edward finds it as difficult to define our relationship as I do. Based on his silence, I guess he does. I hear a heavy sigh and imagine Edward running his hands though his hair to go along with it. I have to put my hand over my mouth to stifle a laugh.

"I don't think friends will ever be a sufficient descriptor of what she means to me. If you're asking if she's my girlfriend though, the answer is no."

"Think she would date a younger guy?" Gage asks. Again I want to laugh because Gage is actually closer to my age than Edward is. I guess he assumes I'm older because I was drinking a glass of wine.

"Just because I said I wasn't her boyfriend doesn't mean she's single," Edward says, bursting Gage's bubble. Actually, I am attracted to Gage, it's hard not to be, but it's more like a rock star infatuation than the guy next door crush. You know, he's like the hot guy in the band that you happen to run into after the show. Sure you flirt, but you know it doesn't mean much of anything. Gage is like this prodigal art kid, traveling the world, completely unattainable.

I decide I've done enough eavesdropping and begin to walk again. Both men turn to look as the sound of my heels announces my return. I love the way Edward's eyes show the same adoration they did last summer. I take my wine glass from Edward and take a long sip, all the while keeping eye contact with him. Gage clears his throat and asks if we are ready before he leads us on a tour around the gallery.

Although he continues to be friendly, Gage's flirting definitely stops. It isn't long before someone comes to let him know he is needed somewhere else and the tour comes to an end. Edward and I both thank him for his time and wish him good luck in the future. We continue to explore the exhibition and even manage to meet and get our picture with Adrien Repenti.

As the evening progresses I lose track of the number of times I gave up empty wine glasses only to take a full one from a tray as it floated past. I'm definitely feeling warm and fuzzy though. So much so that it takes me a while to figure out that part of that warmth is Edward's hand on my lower back as he steers me from the room. His breath tickles my neck as he whispers, "We need to get you out of here before you draw too much attention."

I realize how right he is and how trashed I am as we step outside onto the boardwalk and I almost trip over my own feet. "Sorry," I apologize as I stumble a bit more. His hand wraps around my upper arm to keep me on my feet.

I hold up a finger then place one hand on his forearm to help steady myself. I also lean down and fumble with the straps on my heels. Once I have the shoes off and dangling from my finger I look back to Edward and smile like I've just figured out the answer to world hunger.

"Better?" he asks.

"Much," I reply with a dramatic nod.

"Good. Now let's get you some coffee and food," he states.

The fresh air and the walking help clear the buzz from the wine. I find a place to buy a pair of cheap flip flops so I won't be barefoot as Edward and I leisurely stroll down the boardwalk. After a few quite moments I find the courage to ask the question I've been dying to know the answer to. "So, you and Ms. Remy?" I ask carefully.

Edward keeps his eyes focused straight ahead as he answers. "Well, she broke up with me. Seems as much as I wanted sensible to work, it's just not that easy. And I've never been the type of guy to beg a girl to come back." His comment makes me snort. He finally looks at me and I raise my eyebrows at him, asking for clarification. "Okay, one girl evoked the need for grand gestures in order to win her back. Didn't work though."

"Don't be stupid Edward. You didn't need grand gestures. If I were Izzy..."

I say before I think. I want to say something, but I can't be sure it's actually true. They are things that I think would probably be true if I was twenty-two years old, but I can only guess at right now.

"If...?" I can tell Edward wants me to finish what I was going to say by the tone of his voice. He stops walking abruptly and leans against the railing of the boardwalk. I stop beside him, suddenly very aware of the ocean wind tossing my hair around my face.

I close my eyes, shake my head, and breathe deeply before I answer with, "I would fall asleep every night in the arms of a wonderful man." I let out an unsteady breath at the admission of my fantasy if things were everything I made them out to be last year. Even with my eyes closed I feel a shift in the air around us. I know what is about to happen even before I feel his fingertip under my chin, gently nudging my face upward as he steps closer.

"Bella..." he whispers. His lips touch mine. Soft. Hesitant. Like when I put my toes in the water at the pool, he is testing the waters. His touch feels just as wonderful as I remember but something different lingers in the background. Something feels wrong.

I have to stop this, and I try to hide the sob building inside me when I push him away. I start to apologize but he beats me to it.

"I'm so sorry," he says as he runs his hands through his hair.

"Me too." I try to collect my thoughts as I look out at the ocean. "It's just..."

Edward interrupts. "You don't have to say anything. I get it." I nod; thankful I don't have to put my feelings into words right now. So many things are rolling through my head that I wouldn't know where to start anyway.

My main concern is Riley...I have to figure out what to do about Riley. As much as I love him, I don't want to do this long distance relationship with him. Part of the reason I want to go to college is so I can figure out who I am. Besides, Edward is right when he says Riley isn't the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to lose his friendship though and I think we are in too deep to salvage it anytime soon. Regardless as to why I'm still with Riley, I have to let him go when he comes back home.

Riley isn't really what's keeping me from Edward this summer. Having a boyfriend and college are just the easy excuses. I know Edward gets that but I'm not sure if he understands how truly scared I am of screwing things up. I know I don't always think rationally and that I tend to act without thinking at all. I have a lot of growing up to do, and I'm scared that if I let Edward back in, he'll see that I'm not really good enough to be with him.

"I don't know which is worse. Staying away from you this summer when I know you're available or being with you only to leave in a few months. Honestly, I just don't want to screw up again."

"I'd never hold you back," he tries to reassure me.

"But I'd hold myself back," I whisper.

"I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore." If I didn't know Edward as well as I do I would have missed the note of pleading in his voice.

"It's like asking for heartache in three months," I rationalize.

"Not really. I'm pretty positive that we will be together in the end. When the summer's over it'll basically be a waiting game for me until you to come home again."

"I can't hurt Riley."

"I know you don't want to, but don't you think you've already hurt him?"

I turn quickly to look at him, shocked that he would say such a thing. It's the truth; I just can't believe Edward threw it in my face. Edward saw me ignore Riley's call earlier. As minor as that was, I think it would be the last straw if Riley found out I spent the night with Edward, no matter how innocent it might be. I don't feel the need to say anything as Edward already knows the answer to his question.

We are pretty good at throwing the hard truth at each other but Edward surprises me again when he says, "You love him." He states it matter-of-factly with no question in his voice.

"And you love Ms. Remy?" I blurt, but mine does sound like a question.

Edward reaches for my hand and we begin to walk again. He leads me down the steps onto the beach. I decide to sit down in the sand a few feet back from the waning tide. I stretch my legs front of me and cross them at my ankles, settling in to wait for Edward's response. He continues to stand and stare thoughtfully out into the vast ocean. I remain silent to give him time to think. With a heavy sigh, he settles on the sand, not next to me but behind me, and pulls me into his arms. I relax and let my head rest on his chest as I stare at his forearms around my torso. My index finger runs along one of his arms as I feel him press his lips to the back of my head.

After a long moment he finally speaks. "I never loved Liv," he admits. "I was in love with the idea of her, so much so that I let her push me into things I knew I wasn't ready for. Shit, I pushed myself into it because it should have been easy and right...but it never was. Plus, she hides her baggage a lot better than I hide mine. Once that became crystal clear, I couldn't even muster up the strength to care that she left. We never said those 'three little words' to each other either."

Again, I don't know what to say or if words are even necessary at the moment, so we just sit there and listen to the ocean waves crashing against the shore, absorbing everything. I can feel a huge change happening and I can't stand the pressure so I have to speak my mind. I have no idea what Edward will make of my statement, but it has to be said.

"I'm going to break up with Riley when he comes home in two weeks," I blurt out.

"I want to be alone when I leave for college. I don't want to feel like I'm being held back." I turn my head to look back at him sadly and add, "By anyone."

As much as I love him and being with him, especially sitting here in his arms which tighten around me at my admission, I need to learn to be happy with myself. By myself. I don't want my happiness to be dependent on anyone but me.

"You can do whatever you need to do. I'm not going anywhere," he whispers. "No regrets, remember. I want what I want and you can't control that. Don't ask me to do something I already attempted…and failed miserably at."

"Edward," I start, only to have him interrupt.

"Stop, Bella. I'm learning shit here, too. I don't have all the answers but I care enough to be vulnerable and honest, because loving someone is raw and unguarded. You don't have to feel pressure from me or over me. I get to make my own choices and waiting for you is my no regrets. Letting shit play out is all I can do right now because I know what I want. What I feel for you is beyond sensible. It's also the only thing in my life worth anything. So if you need to be free, I will be the first in line to make sure you get whatever you feel you need. Just don't shut me out, okay?"

There is only one answer I can give him. "I love you, Edward. I don't think there will ever be a day I won't love you."

I leave it at that and just enjoy the feel of being wrapped up in his arms. Living in the moment is all anyone can do, and in this moment, this is right where I want to be.

EPOV

I leave my car in Atlantic City to drive Bella home. I don't care if she says she isn't drunk anymore, I am not taking any chances with her safety. Her phone rings six times during the drive and she ignores it each time. There are also several text messages, each of which she reads without responding. With each new message she sighs and gives me a small smile. I know the calls and texts are from Riley even if she won't admit it.

"I feel awful about you leaving your car. I'll take you back to pick it up tomorrow."

"You don't have to do that." She doesn't, but if I'm being honest I have to admit there is nothing in the world that I want more than a reason to see her again.

"Please?" she pleads. "It would make me feel better about you driving me home." I nod, unable to deny her anything that would make her happy.

When we exit the parkway and drive over the bridge into Wildwood I notice everything seems different than it has the past nine months. The lights from the boardwalk rides and the boats along the bay are brighter. The colors of the signs and buildings we pass are richer. The biggest change is that the girl in my car, the girl I want desperately, is no longer a student and no longer off limits.

"Come home with me?" I ask in a rush with little forethought, pushing the words out of my mouth while I have the courage. They are raw. Honest. Vulnerable. That is how I will be with her from now on. She turns a wary look in my direction, so I clarify my intentions. "Just come hang out. Sleep in the guest room if you want." I offer because I truly want her company.

"Yes," she whispers. Even though her words are quiet her voice doesn't waver so I know there is no uncertainty in her mind.

As we drive into the city she turns to me with a wide grin on her face. "Take me on the Ferris wheel," she demands playfully.

"Really?" I question. "You're okay being all alone up there with me? I might be inclined to steal a kiss or two. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to control myself." Her expression tells me she expects nothing less.

I pay the overpriced parking and find a spot near the pier with the Ferris wheel. Exiting the car, I walk around to open her door and offer my hand to help her up. She places her hand in mine, continuing to hold it as I lead her up the ramp to the boardwalk that feels like an integral part of our lives. I buy just enough tickets for the Ferris wheel and wait our turn in the short line. When our car arrives, I help her inside the rocking seat. She sits down and adjusts her dress as she waits for me to join her. I'm thrilled to be here with her, so as I sit down next to her I let my hand touch her bare thigh. Goosebumps pebble along her arm, enticing me to lean in and kiss her right below her ear. She pushes me away, points her finger at me and narrows her eyes as if she's about to tell me off. Suddenly she breaks into giggles.

"Can't you behave at least a little?" she asks amidst her laughing fit. I offer an apologetic look, raise my hands in surrender, and then shrug my shoulders. She shakes her head and lightly slaps my shoulder.

I decide to be a complete gentleman from that moment on. That lasts until we reach the top of the Ferris wheel, then I can't control myself any longer. Without warning I lean in and kiss her. Open mouths, heavy breathing, and colliding tongues. Her hand feels so good at the base of my neck, her fingers grasping my hair. We're so focused on one another that we don't even notice the ride coming to an end until the door opens and ride operator clears his throat.

"Sorry," I say with a chuckle, because I'm really not. "Can't help myself when I'm trapped with such a beautiful girl." The guy just gives me a knowing grin as I step out of the ride, then turn to help Bella.

"Edward?" I hear from behind me. I turn to see Marcus standing next in line. He has a young boy with him.

"Marcus," I greet, a bit of surprise in my voice. I'm not doing anything wrong but it's a gut reaction. Bella moves behind me, trying to remain inconspicuous, but it's pointless. I don't really care if Marcus sees her anyway. It's not like I can get in trouble for being with her now. That realization actually makes me stand taller.

"Bella Swan?" Marcus questions as he steps aside, allowing the next couple to move onto the ride. Bella tentatively moves from behind me.

"Hello, sir," she responds nervously.

"What a surprise. It's always nice to catch up with former students. Everything on track for Chicago?" he asks politely.

"Yes. I'm very excited."

"Good, good. I'm very happy for you. Mr…ah," he says with a wave of his hand. "I don't see the need to keep things so formal if you two don't. Edward did a lot to help you achieve that scholarship," he states, looking at me suspiciously.

I'm afraid we may have a serious problem if we hang around much longer so I make an excuse to get out of here. "Um, Bella and I were just leaving but I'll be around if you want to talk later," I offer.

"I don't see any reason to talk as long as this," he motions between Bella and I, "developed after the last day of school." I can tell by his tone that he knows the truth but that he wants me to lie. He's probably suspected this all year.

"First date," I say matter-of-factly. Technically, that isn't a lie. This is the first date in what I hope is round two of our relationship.

Marcus nods in approval. He quickly introduces us to his grandson but thankfully we don't have much time to talk before the ride ends. The wheel stops and they climb in to the car with a polite goodbye.

"Better he caught us now than when we were painting landscapes on school grounds," I mumble as we walk away. I chuckle and wrap my arm around Bella's shoulder, pulling her closer as she groans at my remark.

We walk off the pier but continue down the boardwalk, just taking in our surroundings. "I love it here in the summer," I say wistfully. A nearby window display catches my eye and I have to laugh at one of the shirts. On it is a picture of Charlie Sheen with the word "Winning" printed beneath his face. My reaction only draws Bella's attention to the clothing. She looks around for a minute before picking up a pair of shorts that really look more like boy cut womans underwear than clothes. The shorts are hot pink and have 'DTF' printed on the butt. I walk up behind her, wrap my arms around her waist, and rest my chin on her shoulder.

"What's with you and shorts with words on the ass?"

She shrugs. "I just love seeing all the new boardwalk trends each year. I'm lovin' the 'DTF' and all the 'ILL' shit."

"Do you even give a shit about Philly?" I ask, looking over at a blue and red shirt with the word 'ILL' and a Phillies emblem on it.

"Not really but I'm not about to buy a Jersey Girl shirt."

"And DTF? What does that even stand for? Of course, I'm thinking it has to be better than your 'I love cock' shorts."

She laughs mockingly, like I'm the only one who doesn't get a joke. She picks up a half shirt that looks like it belongs in some John Hughes movie and has the same three letters on it. "Down to fuck," she states casually before she walks towards the cashier. Once I get over the shock, I rush after her and try to take the clothes right out of her hand. She manages to keep them out of my reach, places her hand on my chest, and playfully pushes me away. "Don't be such a..." She pauses, looking for the right word.

"Teacher?" I ask.

"I was going to say prude but teacher, father, principal, or adult would all work too. You're really not that old so you should act your age," she teases as she puts her items on the counter.

"Will this be all?" The cashier asks with a thick European accent.

"I need a men's medium red shirt with the Charlie Sheen decal please," she says with a smile, looking at me from the corner of her eye. I'm about to argue when she speaks to me while keeping her eyes forward. "Don't even say you won't wear it because you and I both know you will." How does she know me so well?

The cashier rings up the sale and I pull out my wallet even though Bella already has the cash out. I won't have her paying for anything.

"Can't I ever buy you something?" she asks, annoyed.

I shake my head. "When you're with me? No. That would be very ungentlemanly." She rolls her eyes as I take the bag and we turn to head back to the car and on to my house.

Once home we settle into opposite ends of the couch to talk. Conversation comes easy, like we were never apart. Bella asks a million questions about Alice and Jasper. I tell her about their plans to get married on the beach this summer. I even hint at the fact that I still need a date, hopeful that she will give in and come with me. I can tell she's apprehensive, and I ask her to talk to me.

"Me, not Izzy, as your date to your sister's wedding? No holds barred, plain ole' Bella." She pauses to shake her head and looks down at the floor. "Your family is wonderful but that doesn't mean that they truly accept me or the idea that you have feelings for…a teenager." She says teenager like it's a dirty word or something.

I scoot closer to her, putting my hand on her leg to get her to look at me. "Bella, my family members do not pretend. If they have issues they let you know," I assure her.

She turns her face toward me but still has trouble making eye contact. "My insecurities about the way your family sees me are part of what holds me back in our relationship. I feel like we're from different worlds. You are this wonderful man from an affluent family with an Ivy League education and a career. I'm just some teenage girl, a Jersey girl no less. My upbringing is shit compared to the one you had. I really envy the stability, the support your family has. I only had Renee and Emmett. As wonderful and caring as Emmett is now, there was a time where he was just a kid who only cared about himself, girls, working out, and very little else."

"Those things don't matter to me," I reiterate.

She smiles halfheartedly. "I know...but it makes me wary about how my actions and reactions affect us."

"Are you sure you want to be an art major? Right now you seem very concerned about the sociology of everything between us," I tease. "Please understand that I'm not pushing you for anything more than what you want to give. No labels. No regrets." She nods and then changes the subject.

I've missed out on some big events in her life, like her reconnecting with her father. As she starts to tell me about him and how they get along I head to the kitchen to get a beer. I ask Bella if she wants something to drink, meaning something non-alcoholic, but she manages to convince me to let her have a glass of wine. I return to the living room with her wine and my beer and we resume our conversation. Everything feels so right, so comfortable as we sit and talk. Angel even curls up at Bella's feet. As Bella continues to talk I reach over to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear for no other reason than the fact that I need to touch her. Before we know it we've talked for hours and there is an empty bottle of wine on the coffee table.

Bella suddenly stretches her arms up over her head. "I need to get up and move. Let's take a walk."

Needless to say, I'm a bit surprised. "A walk? Where to?" I ask.

"Green's." she suggests with a mischievous grin. She would want to go to the liquor store.

"Closed," I remind her. "It's past midnight, dear." She pouts like a kid who's just had their favorite toy taken away.

Suddenly she perks up and says, "Well we could always go to that bar. Oh, what's it called? Dom-something."

I laugh, realizing she is up to no good. "No. You constantly look for trouble! I might as well take you to the Oceanic during bike week!"

"That's no big deal. I have colors," she announces with a nonchalant shrug. I raise my eyebrows at her because I'm talking about a biker bar that is not exactly safe for us.

"You have colors?" I ask slowly, putting emphasis on each word.

"Sure. Renee dated a Hell's Angel back when I was, like, fifteen. He left his vest."

"Right. Let's try to picture me as a Hell's Angel." It's silent for a moment before we both break out in laughter. The idea of me as a Hell's Angel is ridiculous. I could never pull it off.

She waves me off. "This is not bike week though. The Oceanic is fine, plus it was famous back in the day. We should definitely experience it."

I can't believe this girl is fucking serious. "I don't know, Bella."

"Oh come on! Emmett told me that Mob families, the Gambino's or something like that, used to hang out there. Can we please go? We don't have to stay all night. Let's just go so we can say we hung out there. There are no bikers and I think a cool band is playing tonight." Just for good measure she throws in her puppy dog eyes and I can' resist.

I reach up and run my hands through my hair before dropping them back into my lap where they smack against my legs making a rather loud noise. I can't believe this girl has me looking for trouble, too. Have to say, I kind of like it. "You have that ID of yours?"

She looks at me like I just asked the stupidest question ever. "Do you really have to ask?" I shake my head in mock disappointment before I stand and offer my hand to pull her up from the couch.

I haven't kissed her since the Ferris wheel, but as I watch her stand up I can't resist any longer. I pull her to me with more force than necessary, anchoring my hand around the back of her neck. My lips meet hers as if it's the most natural thing in the world. I enjoy the kiss but remember to keep it short not to get carried away.

UtB

I think I'm more nervous than Bella when she hands her ID to the bouncer outside The Oceanic. He takes a cursory glance before handing it back. He scrutinizes mine for what feels like forever before he finally waves us in. It's loud and packed, and generally not my scene unless I'm behind the bar serving drinks. Bella takes my hand and leads me through the crowd. She slides into a round booth, which may or may not be occupied; I guess she goes by the saying 'beer bottles don't hold spots'. She moves all the way in and drags me in after her. My arm naturally moves around her shoulder as she flips through the small drink menu on the table.

A waitress with bleach blond hair, piercings in her lip and eyebrow, and a million holes in her ears walks up to our table. She is skimpily dressed in leather, probably to show off her arms which are covered in tattoos and her breasts which are spilling out of her leather corset top. Bella still hasn't noticed the waitress's presence as she lays her palms flat on the table, looking me up and down. I'm not sure if she's checking me out or questioning what the hell a pretty boy like me is doing in this place.

"Drinks?" she asks.

Bella finally looks up but the blonde's eyes remain focused me. I turn to Bella to avoid the waitress's stare. "Captain and coke, babe?"

"Ah, yeah," Bella says as the waitress finally glances over at her. I feel Bella place her hand on my thigh, massaging gently as she moves it up my leg. My eyes want to roll into the back of my head at her touch.

"And for you?" the waitress asks, slowly looking back toward me.

I swallow back my desire as if it's venom pooling in my mouth and clear my throat to order. "S-stella," I choke out, stumbling over the two syllable word as Bella's hand rubs against my now very hard dick.

"Sorry, I'm not for sale," the waitress says as she leans toward to me with a seductive grin.

"Stella Artois...a bottle, please," I clarify without the stutter this time.

"Well, I'm Stella," she says, placing one of her hands on her ample chest, emphasizing both her name and her cleavage, "and I hope to see more of you this evening."

Bella pipes in. "Stella, is it? I'm thinking if you want to make any money tonight, you should go stand on the corner. Otherwise, bring the man his beer and his date," she emphasizes, "her drink, too. 'Kay? Thanks so much," Bella says with a saccharine smile and a wink.

The waitress backs away from the table with a look of warning on her face. I can see the amount of control it takes for her to leave without retaliating on Bella. I'm positive that if this happened outside her place of employment there would be a fight.

"One drink, then we go," I yell over the noise.

"Whatever you say, Mr. Cullen," Bella yells back, bopping her head to the beat of the music. I think she is completely oblivious to how close she came to getting her ass kicked.

"You are..." I trail off with a smile. There are so many ways I can finish that sentence.

"What?" She plays innocent very well. I shake my head and try to look stern. I notice our drinks were left on the table, presumably by someone other than Stella. I reach over to grab the bottle and take a drink, keeping eye contact with Bella the whole time.

We continue to drink and people watch but I eventually have to excuse myself to the use the bathroom. I'm little leery about leaving Bella alone in a place like this, but I can't hold it and I can't bring her with me. I finally decide to excuse myself and pray for the best. I head back as quickly as I can only to find a familiar face sitting way to close to my girl for my comfort. As I watch he laughs and steals touches. She doesn't stop him so I'm not sure if she's into it or if she's just too drunk to realize what he's doing. I reach the table and notice the new drink next to her empty glass. When I slide in beside her Lucas finally looks up at me with a smug smile.

"Hey man, how you doing?" I ask mostly to be polite as I hold out my hand.

"Edward," he replies, grasping my hand a bit too firmly to be friendly.

"Lucas's parents own the Mango Hotel across the street from Twilight," Bella explains. "He was just saying hello."

"Yeah, I didn't know Bella was old enough for bars already." Lucas cocks an eyebrow in challenge. "Did you guys meet at school Edward? Couldn't keep the woman so you went for a girl?"

I reach for Bella's hand and pull her out of the booth behind me. "I'm not in the mood for this shit," I mumble. She stumbles because I'm moving too fast and her reactions are slowed by the amount of alcohol in her system. I slow down to hand her bag to her but when I turn around Lucas is right in my face.

"You don't want to do this," I warn as the muscles in my body tense at the possibility of a conflict. I put my arm out to locate Bella and scoot her behind my body, automatically feeling the need to shield her from any harm.

Lucas laughs condescendingly. "Oooh, I'm shaking in my boots," he mocks, letting his legs wobble underneath him.

"I'm not looking for any trouble-"

"Actually Edward," Bella interrupts. I simply turn and give her a look that says 'please shut the fuck up and stay out of this'.

"Sorry," she mouths contritely. As I turn back to Lucas he shoves my shoulder before I can say anything else. I stumble back slightly, look to the floor, and rub my chin while I decide how I want to respond. I really don't want to get into this with Bella here but it looks like Lucas is going to keep at me until I put a stop to his antics. Well, fuck him. With my decision made, I bring my eyes back to his and quickly throw a punch right to his jaw. Bella yelps in surprise. Without pausing to see Lucas's reaction, which I know will not be good, I grab her hand and make a beeline for the door.

Once outside, Bella exclaims, "Holy shit! I can't believe you did that!"

"I couldn't help it. The loser wasn't going to leave us alone," I justify, glancing over my shoulder to make sure no one is following us. Sure enough, Lucas rushes out holding his jaw, with three other guys close behind. They scan the area for any sign of us. "Come on, Trouble," I say to Bella as I take her hand. "We gotta get out of here."

We race to the convention center where Bella's car is parked. I unlock the doors with the key fob long before we reach the car. "Seatbelt," I tell her as I open her door and basically push her into the passenger seat before shutting her door and running around to the driver's side. I reverse out of the parking spot, slam the car into drive, and screech out of the parking lot just as the group of idiots comes up behind Bella's car.

Bella taunts them through the back window, waving and laughing hysterically.

"It's not that funny," I say, panting for breath but hyped up on the adrenalin coursing through my bloodstream.

"Yes, it is," she says as she rests her head on my shoulder and takes a deep breath, ending the laughter with what sounds like a contented sigh.

"You. Are. Trouble." I kiss her head then bring my eyes back to the road.

It doesn't take long to get back to my house. Bella walks to the house hanging off my arm. She is so tired and probably still drunk so I am supporting most of her weight. I unlock the door and help her to the couch saying, "I'll go get you something to sleep in. Be right back."

By the time I make it back downstairs she is curled up on the couch, already sound asleep. I slip off her shoes and then pull a blanket over her. "Sweet dreams," I offer with a kiss on her forehead. I run the backs of my fingers over her soft cheek. "Love you," I whisper before I leave the room.

UTB

I'm woken from a dead sleep when I hear Bella yell my name from the bottom of the steps. I'm afraid something is wrong so I dart out of bed, grab my jeans off the floor, and rush down the steps two at a time, not caring that I'm only wearing a pair of boxer briefs.

"What's wrong? Something wrong?" I ask, disoriented and out of breathe.

"Um, you have…" Bella pauses and motions toward the front door.

"Company." I finish as I find Liv standing in my living room. I haven't seen or heard from her since she broke up with me a month ago. "Hey," I say, stepping into my jeans.

She smiles, and waves meekly. "Hi."

I tug my jeans up and look at Bella. Her dress is wrinkled and her hair is a disheveled mess. This obviously looks like something it is not to an outsider.

"I think I might go freshen up, if that's okay?" Bella mumbles as she moves toward the steps.

"Yeah, of course." I move out of her way so she can get up the stairs and fasten my pants. I resist the urge to kiss her as she walks by, instead asking her quietly if she wants me to start some coffee. She nods and starts to walk off. I reach out and touch her lower back to get her attention. "Ah...you left some stuff here last summer. I put it in the guest room," I let her know so she'll have fresh clothes after her shower.

"Thanks." She glances back at Liv before heading upstairs. I watch her walk out of sight and then turn back to Liv. After a short, uncomfortable pause I walk into the kitchen to put on coffee, hoping Liv will follow me.

"I think I left Chloe's stuffed rabbit here. I haven't been able to find it."

I nod, letting her know she's right. "It's in the chest over there." I point behind the couch as I turn to make coffee.

"You punched Lucas last night?" It sounds more like an accusation than a question.

I sigh heavily, finding it hard to remain civil right now. "Did you come here for the rabbit or to catch me in bed with Bella?" I ask, glancing over my shoulder at her.

"Both," she admits, casting her eyes down to the floor.

"At least she's honest," I mutter to myself as I turn to face her, cross my arms over my chest, and lean against the kitchen island. "Ever going to explain why you ended things so abruptly? That really came out of left field and I don't understand your reasoning."

She tucks her brown hair behind her ear. "Because I put on a good show and I couldn't keep it up anymore, not after you saw me struggle like that. Being with you made me feel inadequate, like I'm not good enough, and it's true. I will never be good enough for you because I'm not Isabella Swan."

It really saddens me that she feels that way. I start to apologize and assure her that she's a wonderful woman regardless of the fact that she's not Bella. "Liv-" I start.

"Stop," she says holding one hand palm out to make her point. "You did a great job playing the role of responsible adult in this forbidden affair, but you never really were, and I would never be enough no matter what. I can't feel like that inside day in and day out no matter how normal everything appears on the outside. The break-up may have seemed abrupt to you but it had been building in me since the beginning. I hoped the feelings would fade but they always gnawed at me. I don't know why you care anyway. I mean, she's here. You have her back so I can't imagine you even care that I'm gone."

I shake my head in disbelief. "I care, Liv. I think about you and Chloe quite often and it hurts, every time."

"So you care…just not enough to do anything about it," she throws at me. It's true but I think she only said it out loud to hurt me.

I give myself a moment to gather my thoughts because I want to be honest with her but I don't want to hurt her unnecessarily. "You know, there are certain people who aren't meant to fit into your life no matter how much you want them to. With that said, you're better than Lucas, Liv. I'm sure he has the potential to be good enough for you, but right now, you being with him means you're selling yourself short."

Liv laughs humorlessly. "How is it you see right to the heart of everything?" she asks with a smile even though I know she's fighting tears.

"I'm not sure," I answer honestly.

"Well, if I could get that bunny?" I can tell she feel uncomfortable as she shifts her weight from foot to foot.

I walk over to the chest and pull out the stuffed rabbit, then walk back and hold it out toward Liv. "You know, if Chloe ever asks about me or if she needs anything..."

"I know, Edward," she interrupts as she takes the animal and hugs it close to her chest.

As I walk her to the door she says, "So… I guess I'll see you in the fall?"

"I guess so," I answer as I open the door. She walks out and heads down the walkway without even a glance back at me. Although I wish the visit went better than it did I guess I really should be thankful that it wasn't any worse. I close the door and I walk back into the kitchen to pour coffee for Bella and myself.

Within minutes I hear the sound of feet softly hitting the steps as she comes down at a quick pace. I realize she must be in good spirits based on the sound of her singing as she comes.

"Who says, who says you're not perfect, who says you're not good enough…"

She's all smiles as she dances into the kitchen in her new 'DTF' shirt that shows of her stomach and a short denim skirt. I can't help but smile at her lightheartedness as I hand her a cup of coffee.

"You good?" she asks, looking at me cautiously as she takes the mug.

"Yeah. How 'bout you?" I know this situation must have been just as awkward for her.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" she asks as she looks at me over the lip of the mug.

Typical Bella. Guess I'll play along. "No reason."

Standing in the kitchen with Bella I realize that she looks more beautiful than ever. How the hell did I ignore her during these last months. I step toward her and lay my palm on the exposed flesh of her stomach. The feel of her bare skin drives me insane. She bites her bottom lip as she looks down at my hand, then back up at me with a seductive, playful look in her eyes. My breathing speeds up, like a teenager about to go to second base for the first time ever, as I inch my hand up under the fabric of that ridiculous shirt.

"Ready?" she asks suddenly.

I swallow hard and stutter out, "I'm-I-"

"To go get your car," she clarifies, easing me out of my panic.

"My car. Right...yeah, whenever you are." My voice still holds that tinge of nervousness.

"Maybe later you'd be down to fuck," she teases, waggling her eyebrows at me. She grabs her keys off the kitchen island and heads for the door. "Let's get a move on, buddy. I don't want to be gone all day. I gotta get my beach time in, you know," she yells over her shoulder, tossing an old t-shirt that was laying around the living room in my direction. I guess that's her way of letting me know I don't get the luxury of getting cleaned up or dressed like she did.

"Did I ever apologize for the mess?" I call after her, pulling the shirt over my head.

"Um...of course not, but you really don't need to anyway," she says as she bends over to attach Angel's leash to her collar. I raise one eyebrow in question when she looks at me again. Bella just shrugs and says, "I don't want her to be lonely while we're gone."

We both walk out the front door. I turn to lock it behind us and mumble, "No, wouldn't want the dog to be lonely, now would we." She hears me, even though I didn't intend for her to, and punches me in the arm.

God, I love this girl. I know I'm completely screwed because I'll have to let her go again in two months. Who am I kidding? I'll take whatever she is willing to give and love every minute of it.


	24. Chapter 24

It's been two weeks since the art show. Two weeks of seeing Bella every day. Two weeks of stealing kisses, holding hands and…nothing more. I want so much more though. As a matter of fact, I don't know how much longer I can control myself.

Our time together reminds me a lot of last summer, complete with days at the beach, afternoons under the boardwalk, and dinners at my place. The difference this time is that it's no secret. Don't get me wrong…Emmett isn't jumping up and down, but he has accepted that he doesn't really get a say. Her mother doesn't know. Yet. It should be interesting when we truly come clean to her. I won't pressure Bella into anything though.

We didn't get to follow our regular routine today because it's been raining…all day. We just finished baking brownies. Well, Bella did. I just watched her as she moved around the kitchen, humming a song I thought I knew but couldn't quite recall. Oh, I also stole the brownie batter which caused a brownie batter fight. I was having a lot of fun until Bella freaked out and called me a bad dad because Angel's not supposed to have chocolate. Bella had to put her outside, in the rain, to start cleaning up the mess in the kitchen.

"You know, your new BFF is going to think you're mad and her because you abandoned her to the harsh elements."

Bella gives me the evil eye before she opens the kitchen window so she can talk to the dog while she cleans. "I'm sorry you have to wait outside in the cold rain, Angel. Your daddy is so mean and I'm going to have to give him the silent treatment for a while." Then she goes right back to humming and cleaning.

"Rhythm of Love! That's what you're humming," I blurt out, causing Bella to jump and stop wiping the counter which is already clean anyway. She laughs and turns around to toss her towel at me. The she closes the window and heads to the door to let Angel back in the house.

"Come here," I growl as I reach out to grab her arm before she can walk past me again.

"Stop with the playfulness. I have brownie batter in places it should never be," she whines as she sits on my lap. I can't help but laugh as she tries to pull a clump of it out of her hair.

"So go take a shower," I say, trying not to think about all the other times she's taken a shower here. I especially try to block out the fact that most of those showers included me.

Unfortunately, I can tell she's thinking about the same thing and it does not help my resolve to be gentlemanly. After a moment she snaps out of her trance and nods. I plant a quick kiss on her forehead before she stands and walks away, finally letting Angel back in the house before heading upstairs.

I've been trying not to think about anything unpleasant today. Luckily Bella's presence tends to suppress most of my worries; like the fact that Riley's coming back soon. Like the fact that our time together is limited. Like the fact that…

My thoughts are interrupted as her phone buzzes beside me on the table. I can't help but see the message illuminated on the screen.

_Gage has sent you a message on Facebook._

It takes me a second to realize who 'Gage' is because he doesn't use a last name. What, does he think he's Madonna or something?

I hear Angel huff from her spot at my feet. "What?" I ask. She's staring at me like she can read my thoughts and she is sadly disappointed. The look she gives me is probably the dog equivalent of Alice's 'get a life' look.

"Alright, so I'm pathetic. What do you want me to say?" I look around for something to occupy my mind. I'm desperately trying not to think of Bella upstairs, naked and wet. Total fail though because it's basically all I can think about.

Ultimately, Bella doesn't keep me waiting long. The fact that she comes down in her DTF t-shirt does not help my train of thought though, especially when I realize that's probably all she's wearing. I raise an eyebrow at her choice of apparel. She just shrugs at my expression.

"What are you up to, little girl?" I ask as I stalk toward her. Her fresh-from-the-shower scent hits me as I place my hands on her hips and push her against the wall. All of my restraint is gone. Like her shirt suggests, I am so down to fuck.

She smiles mischievously as she runs her hands up my stomach to my chest. "I was kind of hoping you were up for something." I push my hips against hers to make it clear that I am indeed, up for something.

"Oh, yeah?" I ask, bringing my lips right below her ear. She holds her breath as I gently lick the sensitive skin then suck her earlobe into my mouth. When she finally exhales her whole body quivers. She doesn't answer my question, just leans in and kisses me. That's really all the answer I need anyway. I pick her up and she wraps her legs around my waist. My fingers come in contact with bare skin and I realize I was right; her t-shirt is definitely the only thing she's wearing.

I make a mad dash for the stairs and trip halfway up, causing Bella to laugh. I lean in and place open mouth kisses along her neck. She says, "I guess I don't need to ask if you're okay," through her laughter, which makes me laugh along with her.

"I think I might die if I don't feel more of you soon," I mumble against her skin. I pull away and look into her eyes. "Seriously, like spontaneous combustion," I groan as she runs her fingers along my jaw and pulls me in for another searing kiss. I pick her back up, moaning into her mouth as she grinds against my hardness, and hurry to my bedroom. Once there, I throw her on the bed and fall in beside her, where we continue laughing and kissing.

I'm not sure if the weather outside influences our actions or not but we suddenly go from being frantic and playful to sensual and serious. Even though it's only about four in the afternoon the sky outside is dark and so is the bedroom. Rain pelting against the windows provides a soothing backdrop.

I take a moment to pull back, hold her face between my hands, and look straight into her eyes. "God, I love you," I tell her, brushing the apple of her cheek with my thumb. I see in that moment how much I missed her. How much my life has been lacking, and I want to tell her that no one will ever compare to her, but I can't. Not until the day she is ready to hear that truth. Regardless, I'm glad we have this moment together, no matter what the near future has in store for us.

She pushes up to kneel on my bed and pulls her shirt over her head. She waits in that position for me to make the next move. Without hesitation I rise to kneel beside her and reach out to cup and massage her breasts in my hands, all the while starring into her eyes.

My phone rings, interrupting the moment, but I completely ignore the damned thing. My hands move to her hips, pulling our bodies together as my mouth meets hers, our tongues tangling. I'm completely caught up in her as I move to trail kisses down her neck.

"Sorry," I mumble as the phone rings again. I blindly reach for over and shut it off.

"But it might be important," she says, breathily. I can tell by her body language that she is being polite. I know the last thing she wants right now is for me to take a phone call.

"Nothing is more important than you," I remind her as I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her body back down to the bed and underneath me.

God, she is beneath me and completely bare. She's a beautiful sight with her legs open, knees bent, and hips moving to find some friction as I hover above her.

"Please," she moans. I know I'm being a tease. I'm still fully dressed and haven't moved to touch her body anywhere below her waist.

"I want to see if you will combust, too," I tease.

"Edward," she whines. "Touch me. Please"

I move away slightly so I can push her knees further apart. My fingers stroke broadly over her bare skin. It's so soft.

I slowly slip a finger between her lips, teasing her entrance, before moving my fingers up to touch her clit. "You are so wet," I whisper, sliding a finger inside her and twisting it. I'm dying to see her reaction so I pull back a bit to get a better look at her.

Then, the ultimate disturbance happens; my doorbell rings. I rest my head against her shoulder and groan in frustration before withdrawing my finger.

"Phone call must have been important," Bella says with a sigh. A slight panic runs through me at her words.

"I'll be right back." I kiss her nose, before I hop out of bed and run down the steps, hoping my racing heart is an overreaction.

I swing the door open to find Liv holding Chloe, both soaked to the bone.

The shock must register on my face because she quickly says, "I tried to call," apologetically. She's obviously been crying.

"It's okay," I reassure. "Come on in."

She walks inside and puts Chloe down. "Eddie! I misses you!" (did you mean for this to be cute kid mis-speech or did you want Chloe to say "I missed you.") Chloe hollers as she runs toward me.

I catch her and pick her up for a big hug. I greet Chloe with a happy, "Hey you," before turning to her mother to ask what's going on.

"My father was just rushed to the hospital. I called Luke but he's stuck at work and I didn't have anyone else I trust as much as you. I hope you don't mind."

"No, no. I can watch her. I'm always here for her; you know that."

As I put Chloe back on the floor Bella walks down the steps in a long t-shirt. Chloe gets shy and hides behind my leg. Liv looks at Bella and tries to smile but it's forced and awkward. Both of them end up looking down at the floor which has evidently become very interesting.

"Liv, we'll be fine. Get to the hospital. I hope everything is okay." She just nods in response.

Liv leans down and kisses her daughter's head. "Daddy will be here for you soon, okay? Be a good girl for Edward until Daddy gets here." Chloe nods, then Liv gives me another quick thanks before rushing back out the door.

Bella slowly backs toward the steps. "I'm just going..." she says as she points upstairs over her shoulder then motions over herself to indicate she is going to get dressed.

"Good idea," I agree.

Taking Chloe by the hand I lead her into the kitchen. "Do you remember Bella?" I ask her. Chloe shakes her head. I didn't expect she would. "Well, she made some yummy brownies today. Do you want one?" Her face lights up and she nods enthusiastically so I set her up at the island with a brownie and a glass of milk.

"Is Bella your new special friend, like mommy was?" Chloe asks.

I wipe some chocolate from the corner of her mouth, deciding to answer her as simply as possible. "She is," I say, because it's closer to the truth then 'she isn't'.

"Is that why I don't see you no more? Because Bella is your new special friend?"

I stare at her, unsure how to answer. I'm sure I look like a gold fish out of water as I open and close my mouth, trying to find the right words to explain the situation. The truth is that I should have given this little girl more in the wake of the break up. I suddenly feel like I failed her.

I pat her hair down and sigh. "Just because your momma and I aren't special friends anymore doesn't change anything between you and me. I'm always here for you and I love you very much. We can still hang out and you can call me if you want. I haven't been a very good friend to you. Can you forgive me?" I ask her with an exaggerated frown on my face. She giggles at me and nods as a sign of her forgiveness. I smile and kiss the top of her head.

I hear Bella clear her throat as she walks into the kitchen so I turn my attention to her. "Um...I should probably just go," she states quietly.

I look back at Chloe. "I'll be back in one minute kiddo," I tell her as I hold up one finger to emphasize my point.

"Okay," she says meekly.

I take Bella by her forearm and lead her into the dining area. I turn toward her and whisper, "Are you angry that I agreed to help?"

"Of course not," she tells me like it's the silliest thing I've ever said. I know she's not being completely truthful. Her tell is that she won't look me in the eye.

"I can tell you're upset about something. Tell me," I coax as I take her hand in mine.

When she finally looks up at me the truth is written all over her face and there's no denying something is troubling her. She still attempts to blow it off with an, "It's nothing."

"So that means there is something."

She rolls her eyes and looks down at the floor again, shuffling her feet anxiously. "Riley is gonna be back in the morning and…I think I need some time to myself. I should really go."

Our words have been whispered and hushed up until this point but her avoidance is getting to me. "Bullshit," I reply at normal volume. I cringe when Chloe tells me I said a bad word. "Sorry," I call to her before turning back to Bella. "This has nothing to do with him. Tell me the truth."

She takes her hand from mine and places them on her hips defensively. "Your right, but I don't want to talk about it now okay?" The comment may have sounded like a question but I know this is her way of saying this is not up for discussion.

"No, it's not really okay. Look, I have a month and half left with you, Bella. I don't want to waste any of that time fighting." I reach up to cup her cheek but think better of it with Chloe nearby. Instead I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear gently and drop my hand back to my side.

"Fine," Bella huffs in resignation. "Our baby. It would have been here by now and it sucks to watch you interact with her. And I feel awful for being jealous of a three year old," Bella admits.

I watch as silent tears start to run down her face. "Oh, babe," I say sympathetically as I reach out, grab her elbow and pull her into an embrace.

"I don't want to sit here and watch you," she mumbles into my chest.

"Izz…" I start automatically. Her arms tighten around me at her previous nickname, so I correct myself. "Don't leave, Bella. Lucas will be here in about two hours. Then we can talk if you want. You can go upstairs and nap or read or draw… just don't go," I beg.

She nods as I wipe away her tears. "I'll be upstairs."

"I'll be up as soon as Lucas gets here. I love you."

I resist the urge to kiss her sweet lips, release her from my arms, and watch sadly as she walks away. I never would have guessed that seeing me with someone else's child would upset her. Now I feel as if I have failed two girls tonight. I rub my face as I go back to the kitchen.

When I get back to Chloe I explain that Bella doesn't feel good and we need to be quiet so she can get some rest. I turn Nickelodeon on and Chloe cuddles next to me on the couch, sucking her thumb and watching Dora.

Lucas shows up an hour later. After our altercation a few weeks ago I have to admit that I'm worried about inviting him into my house, but I bite the bullet and do it anyway. Chloe runs over to greet him and he immediately picks her up to hold her.

"Thanks for helping with Chloe," he says as his daughter clings to his neck.

"It was no problem," I assure him.

"Look...the other night at the bar...I was out of line."

"Me too," I admit.

"You're good to Chloe and seeing that makes me realize how much I need to step up."

"That's good man. She loves you and deserves to have you at the top of your game." He offers his hand and I reach out to shake it. I remind Chloe that we can try to hang out again soon as they walk out the door. Even though I was glad to watch Chloe I'm also glad Lucas made it here earlier than expected. I'm anxious to get upstairs to check on Bella.

I find her lying on her stomach on the floor of my bedroom with her feet in the air. She has my sketch pad in front of her and I can tell she's completely focused because she's biting her bottom lip. She looks up when she hears me enter the room.

"Watcha got there?" I ask, even though I already know the answer. The book is open to the section with all my tattoo ideas, none of which I think are good enough to permanently mark myself with.

"Your sketch book full of half finished tattoos." She moves to sit cross-legged on the floor. "I just..." she says as she picks up the book so I can't see what she has been doing.

"Let me see," I encourage, sitting on the floor next to her, mimicking her posture.

She reluctantly hands the book over, a look of uncertainty on her face. On the page is a sketch of an anatomically correct heart in red with blue and purple veins. A few drops of blood surround the heart and in the background is a burst of orange sunlight. There is a banner around the heart with the words 'NO REGRETS' inside it. The upper half the lettering is green fading into black on the lower half.

"Wow. You just did this?" I ask.

She shrugs like it's no big deal. "I was looking through the book and noticed everything was just half finished. I saw some of your hearts, noticed you had 'no regrets' in a few, and I just had this vision I had to get down on paper."

I did make some attempts at anatomical hearts; some with stitches, some with key holes, some relatively plain. Ultimately, none of them made sense halfway through the sketch. This one made sense and I had to let her know.

"This is amazing."

"You're just saying that," she mumbles with a sheepish smile.

I reach over and pull her into a kiss. I can't tell her that I plan to have this tattooed on the inside of my bicep because we're too caught up in each other. So caught up that we don't even make it to the bed. I decide to make love to her right there on the floor.

I savor every inch of her. Each taste is better than I remember. My memories do her no justice.

Being inside of her is heaven and I never want to let her go. I need to be closer to her so I pull her legs up over my shoulders. I know I am hitting her G-spot as I push into her because her whole body tenses and her mouth opens in a gasp. I can't resist the urge to kiss her. My tongue enters her mouth, full of hunger and need. I feel her hunger too as her hands grasp and pull at my hair.

She breaks the kiss to pant, "Fuck...Edward...yeah...right...there!"

I pump harder as beads of sweat start rolling down my forehead. "I'm gonna come," I warn.

Her nails dig into my back. "I'm almost there," she pants.

"Don't I know it," I grunt, feeling so powerful as I push inside her a little harder.

We both come and scream out at the same time. I collapse on top of her, out of breathe, and our damp bodies slide against each other. She moves to my left and hitches her leg over my hip as we lay there, chests heaving. My heart is full of nothing but hope and love even though it's a little crushed at the certainty of her leaving.

I turn to face her, propping myself up on my elbow. I tuck some hair behind her ear, then let my finger trail down her shoulder and along her tattoo. While I don't regret what we just did, I feel like we should have had our talk first, so I tell her just that.

"It's okay," she says with a grin. "I'm glad I told you how I was feeling but we don't have to talk."

If she wasn't so young I'd give her another child. In a second. I don't have the guts to say that to her though because I'm worried she might try to convince me otherwise. Instead I tell her something that I hope will help with the feelings she was dealing with today.

"Nothing and no one could ever take the place of what we created. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, Bella."

"Thank you," she whispers. She closes her eyes and her lips touch my shoulder before she cuddles into me.

**BPOV**

I lay in Edwards arms as long as I can before I feel like I should get home. Not want to, just should.

"Can't you stay tonight?" he whines as I pull my sundress back over my head. I could but it would just make me feel shittier than I already do.

Riley is coming home in less than twenty four hours…and I'm going to break his heart. As good as being with Edward feels the thought of letting Riley go makes me want to cry. I do love him and I realize he probably won't speak to me for a very long time after this. I'm going to lose not only my boyfriend, but also my best friend.

It feels wrong to bring Riley up after what Edward and I just shared but when he asks if something is bothering me, I know better than to deny it.

"I just don't want to go," I answer.

He pulls me into a hug and tries to tempt me by saying, "Then stay."

"Edward, please don't make me spell it out," I beg.

Edward groans, "No, I don't want to hear about that now that you mention it."

Edward is aware of Riley's return tomorrow morning. He knows that Riley will probably come straight to Twilight to see me. Both of us realize that he will be blindly walking into heartbreak. Thinking about all this makes my eyes start to well with tears. Don't do this to Edward, I chant to myself in my head. It doesn't feel right to cry over Riley on Edward's shoulder.

I have been so awful and selfish to Riley since he left. I avoided his calls. I chose not to call him back. Hell, I even cheated on him. I feel my chin start to quiver as those thoughts bombard me.

"Hey," Edward whispers, breaking me out of my own head. "Talk to me," he encourages.

"I'm awful, Edward. He has no idea what he's coming back to. He's going to show up at my door, excited to see me, and I'm going to rip his heart out." Because he loves me, he doesn't say anything, he just holds me as I cry for another man. "I'm sorry," I apologize as I pull away.

"Stop being sorry," Edward says as he takes my face between his hands. "You can be sad about your relationship ending if that's what you really want."

"It is. He's been my best friend for four years and I'm not looking forward to hurting him."

"I know. It will be okay though." Edward places a kiss on my forehead before he lets me go.

I notice it has stopped raining as Edward walks me downstairs just before midnight. We reach the front door and he grabs me by the waist to pull me in for an intense goodbye kiss. I smile against his lips as we break apart until we are startled by pounding against the door.

Edward pushes me behind him protectively before he peeks out the side window. "Fuck," he moans.

"Who is it, Edward?" He doesn't need to answer as the next loud knocks are followed by a familiar voice.

"Bella!" Riley yells, he voice full of emotion.

"Shit," I curse as I place my hand over the area of my chest where it feels like my heart is about to burst through. He isn't supposed to be back yet. I'm not ready to see him.

Edward turns back to me. "Let me handle this," he urges as the pounding and yelling continue.

"No. I can't hide from this. I have to face him."

Edward shakes his head. "He's way too angry right now."

"He won't hurt me."

"Iz, please just go in the other room," he pleads with worry in his eyes. Deciding to take his advice I back up slowly.

When Edward thinks I'm far enough away he opens the door and says, "Riley, you need to calm down."

"Where is she?" Riley asks, a note of accusation in his voice.

"She's here, but if you want to talk to her you are going to have to calm down," Edward states evenly

"Again with the calming down! You have been fucking my girlfriend all summer! The girl I love! The girl I caught an early flight home to see because I missed her so much! Then I have to drive past you house and see her car outside so don't tell me to fucking calm down!"

"It's not like that," Edward tries to explain.

"Really? Go ahead and tell me you didn't fuck my girlfriend. Tell me I've got it all wrong. The two of you are just hanging out alone, in the middle of the night, at your house. It's completely innocent, right?" Riley mocks. "Bella! Why don't you come look me in the face?" he yells.

I can't handle it any more so I step out into his line of sight. "It really wasn't like that...until tonight. It's not about Edward though, Ri." I try to keep my emotions under control while I talk but I know this is a losing battle when I feel a silent tear run down my face.

Riley points a finger at me. "You...you are nothing but a heartless slut," he grinds out through clenched teeth.

"Hey!" Edward yells, shoving Riley back a step. "You do not speak to her like that in my house."

I watch as Riley pulls his arm back to throw a punch at Edward. "No!" I yell, just as Riley's fist meets Edwards jaw. Edward grabs him by the shirt and shoves him out the door. He is about to punch Riley square in the face when I reach out for Edward's arm. "Please don't fight!" I beg, holding onto Edward's arm as if my life depends on it.

Edward looks at me, then back at Riley. After a brief pause he shoves Riley away and tells him to, "Get the fuck off my property."

Riley gets his balance and stares at us with a hateful look on his face. "Fuck you both," he spits with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Ri!"I call as I run after him. "Riley, please. I'm sorry," I sob. He doesn't even look back. He just gives me the finger as he walks away, climbs into his Camero, and then speeds off, tires squealing.

"Iz," Edward says as he comes up from behind to comfort me.

"See. Awful," I bawl as I shrug off his embrace. "I'm an awful person." Edward says something else but I can't hear him. All I hear is the screech of tires followed by a loud bang.

I break away from Edward and run down the street with a sickening feeling in my gut. I'm pretty sure my body already knows what happened. I scream in horror as I round the corner to find Riley's car wrapped around a telephone poll. My head feels light and I collapse on the ground in shock.

As I sit in the grass I hear Edward on his cell phone reporting the accident. I watch as he tries to open the mangled car door. He calls Riley's name several times before he says, "No, he isn't conscious," followed by, "I can't get the door open," and "I don't think he was wearing his seatbelt." I watch the scene like I'm outside my own body, until the nausea in my stomach causes me to throw up in the grass. Sirens in the distance snap me out of my trance and I rise to my feet so I can move toward the accident.

Edward takes me by my shoulders to block my view of the inside of the car. "Stay back, Bella. You do not want to see this."

"My fault," I mumble. "Oh God, this is all my fault."

"No, it's not," Edward corrects, shaking me gently by my shoulders. I don't bother arguing with him because I know the truth.

Red.

Blue.

White.

The lights swirl around me and I let Edward hold me steady. "We don't need to watch this all," he whispers in my ear.

I look around Edward to see that the paramedics have Riley on the ground. One is doing chest compressions while the other is holding a bag over Riley's mouth.

"Come on, Riley," I whisper anxiously. I am so relieved when I finally hear them say they have a pulse. As they load him onto the stretcher to get him into the ambulance I ask, "Can I ride with him?" Even I can hear the panic in my voice.

"He's too unstable," they yell without actually looking at me. I reach out to touch Riley as they push him past me. His head is covered in blood and it's the only part of his body that I can see thanks to the sheet that covers the rest of him. All I can do is stand there like a statue, staring after them.

I feel Edward as he gently takes my hand. "Come on. I'll take you to the hospital," Edward offers.

UtB

I sit in the hospital waiting room with my head in my hands and my stomach in knots. The hospital called his family, who can't get here any faster than their scheduled arrival for later this afternoon. Other than that, the nurses and doctors won't tell me anything.

Edward sits down next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder. "Don't," I whisper. I don't deserve any comfort right now.

"Don't what?" he asks, confused.

"Touch me." I swipe at the tears running down my cheek, then move over a seat. "You should just go. Renee will be here any minute."

I hear him sigh in frustration. He moves to the seat I just left and whispers into my ear, "Don't push me away."

The problem is I already have. I'm so mad at myself. So mad at what my lack of control has cost Riley. There are no more seats to put between us so I just stand up and cross my arms over my chest as I walk a few feet away. "Just go," I order without looking at him.

I feel his presence as he walks up behind me. He starts to say something but stops. He probably knows it would just be a waste of breath. He gently pulls on my arm, guiding me to turn and face him. I don't resist because I want to get one last look at his beautiful face before I really push him away. I can't continue to hurt others.

When I'm finally looking into his eyes I tell him, "Leave, Edward. I'll see you again when I'm ready." I hope I sound convincing. He leans in and touches his lips to mine ever so gently. I want to tell him to stop but I'm just not that strong.

I hear the rush of feet just seconds before I hear a voice frantically call, "Bella!" Edward steps away and clears his throat as my mother rushes into the waiting room. "Bella?" my mother questions, obviously confused to find me kissing my former teacher. "Mr. Cullen?" Her eyes narrow at Edward and me as she tries to process what is happening right in front of her.

"Please, call me Edward." He holds his hand out but she's so stunned she can't remember her manners right now.

"I…What's going,.." She stumbles over her words as she throws glances between the two of us.

"Riley was upset because..." I start to explain. I see the exact moment realization truly dawns on her.

Mom raises her hand to her forehead and pushes her hair back with her hand. "I can't...I don't even know what to say." I know she has a million questions that she can't even formulate right now because her main concern is Riley. She turns her full attention to me and asks, "How is he? Any word on his condition yet?"

"No. They won't tell us anything," I moan as I wipe more tears from my face.

Mom takes a deep breath then sets her shoulders in determination. "I'm going to find out what is going on," she says before walking toward the nurses' station.

Edward waves and then slips out of the waiting room.

All the staff would tell mom is that Riley is currently in surgery, so we both plop down into empty chairs to wait. With a little encouragement I come clean to about my relationship with Edward and the reason Riley is here in the first place. Mom says it's not my fault, just like Edward did, but I know they're just saying that to make me feel better. This is definitely my fault.

We sit for what feels like a lifetime before I decide I can't take it anymore. I wipe my eyes and storm up to the nurses' station determined to get some answers. At the last minute I remind myself to be nice or I won't get anything. The nurse is looking at some paper work so I say, "Excuse me," to get her attention. "My best friend in the world, Riley Biers, is in surgery after a horrible accident. I can't take not knowing if he will be okay or if he's on Death's door. Can you tell me something…anything…please?" My voice begins to shake at the end of my plea. I've never felt so exposed in front of a stranger in my life. I'm completely at her mercy so I beg her with my eyes to take some pity on me and give me the answers I desperately need.

The nurse gives me a sad smile. She places her hand on top of mine, then glances around for witnesses before she turns back and quietly whispers, "He has a few broken ribs and needed about five stitches to close a cut above his left eye. He is in surgery right now to have his spleen removed. I have no doubt he will make a full recovery," she finishes with a sweet smile.

My whole body relaxes in relief as I fight tears to tell her, "Thank you."

"After surgery he will be admitted to the fourth floor if you want to go wait up there."

I bite my lip and nod emphatically before I mouth 'thank you' again. She hands me a tissue as I'm overcome by tears. I manage to muster up a small smile and another thank you before I walk away.

I reach my mom and start to tell her what I just found out when Emmett bursts through the door. He pauses to visually search the room and then heads straight toward me. When he reaches me he hugs me so tightly it lifts my feet off the ground.

"Can I just say how relieved I am that you weren't in the car with him? I don't know what I'd do if something like that happened to you. I love you, Bells," he admits as he hugs me tighter and kisses the top of my head.

I don't resist because it feels so nice to have his comfort right now. "I love you, too, Em." He lets me go, but I stay close to his side. Next to him I always look like a little girl, but tonight I truly feel like one.

"Any news?" he asks. I fill both of them in. Once I'm finished he hands me a bag. "I stopped and got this for you. Mom said you needed a change of clothes," Emmett says as he eyes my skimpy sundress.

"Thanks." I say, taking the bag and heading to the bathroom to change. Emmett is waiting in the hall when I come out in jeans and a short sleeved zip up jacket. He lets me know that Mom already headed up to the other waiting room but he thought he'd wait for me. I think he really wants to have a moment to talk, just the two of us.

"I thought Riley was more responsible than that...driving all fast and crazy," Emmett comments.

"He is." I look down, at my feet as we walk. "I upset him, Em...bad."

"Can't be that bad," Emmett states, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we make our way up to the fourth floor.

"It's bad. Like I-wouldn't-be-surprised-if-he-never-forgives-me bad."

"You are always so hard on yourself, Bella," Emmett soothes. Too bad I don't deserve his comfort.

"I cheated on him, Em," I mumble so quietly I'm not sure he'll even hear me, "with -"

"Don't say it," Emmett interrupts as he stops dead in his tracks and shakes his head.

"See what I mean?"

Emmett grabs my upper arms and leans down so he's closer to my eye level. I can see his frustration in his posture. "Bella...he isn't right for you. You're too young to be in a relationship with him right now. You're both looking for different things so I have no idea what the appeal is anyway."

We've reached our destination by now and I shrug away from his hands to flop into the first chair in the small waiting room. I put my head in my hands as I cry softly. I cry for Riley. I cry for my crazy relationship with Edward. I even cry over my guilt and how I feel about Edward. I hate how much I care for him right now.

Emmett is right. I'm not emotionally ready for Edward. We are both selfish assholes for giving in to each other. I can feel resentment building toward him as I sit and think over everything. Is he just as naive and stupid as I am? If he loves me as much as he claims, how could he let this happen? He knew I was still dating Riley and he continued to pursue me, to tempt me to be with him. He is supposed to be a grown up but it seems neither one of us is capable of being mature when it comes to each other.

My thoughts fuel my emotions and I start to sob. Emmett starts calling Edward a bunch of shitty names. Each one cuts me like a knife. I'm allowed to be mad at Edward and think shitty things about him, but where does Emmett get off?

"I get it, Em, I do. Just, please don't talk about him like that," I plead.

I'm too embarrassed to look at Emmett but I hear him sigh heavily. "I'm sorry, Bella. C'mere," he coaxes as he wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Shhh, just relax." His touch soothes me so I close my eyes. Within minutes, sleep overtakes me.

When I wake up I'm wrapped up in a blanket in the waiting room. The clock on the wall says it's six in the morning. As I get my bearings, Emmett sits down beside me and hands me a coffee.

"Any news?" I ask with a yawn.

"He's being monitored in the recovery area for a little while before they bring him here, but it shouldn't be much longer," he says, sweeping my hair away from my sleepy face and behind my ear. I look around the room to find Mom curled up in another chair, sound asleep.

Guess it's back to waiting.

UtB

Caleb and Cam arrive first, without Mrs. Biers. They both hug me tightly and whisper words of comfort. I'm too ashamed to tell them I'm the reason he had the accident in the first place. Next, Caleb thanks my mom and Emmett for being there for Riley when he couldn't be. "He really is lucky to have such a wonderful second family."

"Riley is a great young man," Renee tells Caleb. "I love him like my own and I couldn't imagine being anywhere else right now."

After another round of waiting the doctor finally comes in to explain Riley's condition. Even though he asks to speak to Caleb alone Caleb says there's no need because we are as good as family. The only new information is that Riley has a mild concussion. Cam, being a resident now, asks a lot of questions and the information gets hard to follow. The doctor eventually leaves and a nurse comes in to give Caleb a clear plastic bag containing all the personal belongings Riley had on him during the accident.

"Cameron, can you go through that. I doubt Riley will want any of those clothes," he whispers. You can see the blood stained items right through the bag. Cam nods and walks over to a trash can.

I watch from afar as Cam pulls out the items one by one. A blood-stained shirt, cut down the middle, gets tossed first, followed by blood spattered sneakers. "At least it looks like he was wearing clean underwear" Cam jokes half-heartedly as he pulls out Riley's jeans, which look like they were cut off too, and digs through the pockets. He pulls Riley's wallet out of one pocket and checks to make sure all his cards and I.D. are still inside. Then he reaches into the left pocket and pulls out a small black box.

"Bella," Cam says turning to me. "I know Riley wanted to give this to you." He walks closer, handing me the box. I take it and open the box to find a beautiful silver Claddagh ring. The heart is set with my birthstone, a sapphire. I watch as Cam pulls out a larger, more masculine Claddagh ring with no stone. "He ah...wanted to promise you that his heart belonged to you even though you wouldn't be together. I'm sure he wanted to be the one to give you this gift but considering the circumstances I think he'll forgive me."

I smile as I look down at the ring. "So much like Riley," I say, referring to the gesture I know I've ruined. After another second I close the box and hand it back to Cam. His face shows confusion so I lean in and whisper, "It's over," just loud enough so he can hear me.

He steps back in shock, looks around the room to see that everyone is wrapped up in their own things, and reaches for my elbow to pull me into a quiet corner. "Bella, what is going on?" he asks.

"I-I wanted to go to Chicago on my own with no strings attached. I wanted to...I don't know." I stop trying to explain as I feel my eyes well up with tears. I can't explain it to Cam because it was really just something I told myself to make being with Edward more acceptable. "I screwed up this summer...or someone..." I admit, looking down at the floor in embarrassment. Cam shakes his head in disappointment. I should be used to that look by now. At least it doesn't catch me off guard. "I know. I'm awful."

Cam lifts my chin to make eye contact with me and what he says next does catch me off guard. "You're eighteen, not awful, Bella."

"Pretty sure Riley would disagree with you. I bet he hates me."

"That kid could never hate you," Cam says with a slight chuckle. "Is he pissed off? Probably, but that's something different entirely. I'm sure if you just give it some time he'll come around."

"He is my best friend in the world. I hate myself for screwing that up." Cam pulls me into a hug and rubs my back. All that stops when we hear the clicking of heels. I don't have to turn around to know that Mrs. Biers has finally arrived.

Riley's mom doesn't thank my mom like Caleb did. As a matter of fact, she hardly acknowledges Renee or any of my family.

I'm still sitting in the waiting room nervously biting my nails when the doctor comes back to say that Riley is awake and he can have two to three visitors at a time. Riley's family goes first, of course. I sit and count the minutes until they come out so I can go in and see him. I need to apologize even if he never wants to talk to me again. When the Biers finally exit his room I ask Emmett and Mom if I can have a few minutes alone with Riley.

I feel as if I am walking the plank as I head to his room. His door is open which may be the only welcome I get from him. I clean the tears from my face and knock softly. He just stares at me with cold eyes. He doesn't speak so I finally ask, "Can I come in?"

"Can't do much to stop you," he mumbles.

I take just one step inside the room to give us at least the illusion of privacy. "I get it, Riley. I know you hate me and I'm not here to ask you to forgive me."

"Then go," he growls as he turns his head away from me. I can't leave things like this though.

"Would you forgive me?" I ask the back of his head.

He turns to face me. "If you wanted me to...but you clearly don't."

"That's not true. I'm so sorry Riley and I want you to forgive me…I just don't expect you to. I don't want to lose you," I finish quietly as I stand in front of him wringing my hands.

Riley chuckles darkly. "You mean you don't want to lose my friendship. You could care less if you lose me as your boyfriend."

"I...want to be alone when I go off to school. I need to be alone." I try to explain.

"Don't lie to me, Bella. You want to be with Edward Cullen," he spits out in disgust.

I shake my head frantically in disagreement. "It's not about Edward. This is about me," I say, thumping my chest with my fist, "learning to be myself without a guy. I want to be okay by myself. I've always depended on boys to make me feel good, to define who I am. I need to learn how to do that for myself. "

"I'd prefer you lie to me, Bella," he chokes out, closing his eyes. "Tell me you want to be with me like before." When he opens them up, his beautiful eyes shine with unshed tears.

"I can't do that. I can say I want my best friend," I whisper, knowing full well that's not what he wants to hear.

Riley shakes his head. "I can't be him anymore."

"But you can be more than him if that's what I want?" I clarify.

He pauses for a moment before he admits, "It would be too painful to be 'just a friend' after what we had together."

"So it's all or nothing?" My chin quivers and I bite my bottom lip in an attempt to control the sobs that want to escape.

He simply nods and I'm almost tempted to agree because it hurts too much to think of not having him in my life at all. Common sense catches up with me though. "I can't give anyone all of me right now, Ri."

The icy stare returns. It's the last thing I see before he turns his head to the side.

"I'm so sorry, Riley. If you need anything, I'm here for you."

"What a crock of shit. I do need something; you're just too selfish to give it to me. Don't stand there and tell me you're here if I need anything because you just denied the one thing I need. You should just," he turns back to look at me, "go to hell."

"Please don't be that way. You know I love you."

"You love me so much you fucked Edward Cullen all summer! Tell me, did you wait minutes or days before you ran back to his bed?" Riley yells at me.

"I'm not justifying that with an answer," I respond quietly.

"Cause it's the truth. I should never have let you into my life. It's not like you hide what a slut you've been since what's-his-face fucked you in his dirty ass room while his buddies watched!" He is being loud now and brings up Alex just to be mean.

"Please stop it," I plead, thick tears rolling down my face. I didn't expect him to forgive me but I didn't exactly expect this reaction either.

"Go screw the entire city of Chicago for all I care! I don't want anything to do with you. Just shut up and go Bella."

At that moment a nurse enters the room. She stands with her hands on her hips and tells me I need to leave because I'm causing a disturbance. The whole floor doesn't need to hear our argument.

"I'm going," I cry, raising my hands in surrender.

When I exit the room I'm met with wide eyes and gaping mouths. Emmett, Renee, Caleb, Cam, and Mrs. Biers are all right outside Riley's room, and from the looks on their faces, I would guess they heard everything.

"What kind of girl sleeps with her teacher?" Mrs. Biers asks in disgust. Her question is the straw that breaks the camel's back and I spill all my sordid details.

"The kind of girl that falls in love with him which, amazingly enough, is the same kind of awful person that somehow loves two amazing men and manages to hurt them both. The kind that loses her virginity to a boy that only wants to show his buddies how easily he can play a girl. The kind that fucks her best friend because she thinks friends with benefits is better than taking the chance on being used again. The kind that lies to man about her age for a whole summer. The kind that is selfish and insecure."

My tirade finished, I walk past all of them and then take off at a run. I can hear Emmett and my mom running after me, calling my name, but I can't stop. I won't stop.

You know when someone naively asks 'what's the worst that can happen?' Well, the worst is happening, and the reality of it is far beyond anything I could have imagined.


	25. Chapter 25

**SM Owns. **

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**Chapter 25: Wedding Bells**

**BPOV**

I don't know how, but weeks pass and before I know it, I leave for Chicago in seven days.

I haven't talked to Riley or Edward. There's a stinging in my heart; and guilt.

I try not to think about it, and it may be selfish, but hey...it's what I do best. At least that's what Riley said the second day I tried to visit him.

It's difficult, I don't have my best friend, or Edward anymore.

I have Alice, though. She showed up one day, looking beautiful as ever.

"Bella...you have to come to my wedding. Please say you'll go?"

I want to tell her yes, but I hesitate. I know if I see Edward, all of my resolve will go out of the window.

I shrug, even as she looks at me with hopeful eyes.

She stares at me for a minute and sighs.

"I.." I start, "It's not you, Alice. I've spent the last couple of weeks trying not to think about him. It hurts...I know what I have to do. If I see him, I don't think I'll be able to leave."

"I can make sure he doesn't talk to you, keep him busy..." she says.

I smile at her, even though I feel guilty. I've spent way too much time being selfish, and thinking about myself. It's time for me to start thinking of others.

"You know what? I'll be there." I say, and she lights up hugging me with super human strength. "I can't avoid it forever." It being Edward.

UtB

I glance at the invitation on my nightstand, knowing that tomorrow I'll have to be there. I'll see Edward. I am both terrified and nervous. I don't understand why, though...when things were bad between us, they were never bad.

My phone vibrates on my nightstand next to the invitation. It's another picture of Cayden. Mom is with Rosalie and Emmett. Cayden was born a week ago, and he's adorable. He's going to have Emmett's dimples, and I think he'll have Rose's eyes.

I look around my room, and it all feels so empty, so final.

It's almost freeing.

UtB

"Wow, Bella I can't believe you are leaving the house," Renee comments, as I get dressed for the wedding.

I turn and look at her challenging her to keep judging me and the mood I have been in since Riley's accident.

Since I lost my best fucking friend.

It's not like I'm trying to place blame, I know exactly who is to blame - me, myself and I. Me, is the selfish one. Myself, is the bitch. I, is the slut.

"I've left the house," I tell her.

"And come stumbling home every time. I don't know how you expect your father and I to send you to Chicago while you are acting like this. I mean how do we know that you won't become some lush?"

"You don't. I don't. But I can assure you, that I am going to do whatever it takes to keep off the freshman fifteen."

"Bella...can we talk?"

"Isn't that what we have been doing?" I ask my mother looking at her through the mirror as I slip in a pair of earrings.

"I mean, about Mr. Cullen."

"You can call him Edward...and I told you he was the guy from last summer. I love him in the worst ways. And I'm not interested in being the type of person that would break someone so I could be happy."

"It's okay to be a little selfish, sometimes baby."

"No Mom...it's not." I turn to face her.

"Bella...I know it sounds awful, but sometimes you have to make choices for your happiness and to better your life, and sometimes there are people that end up hurt. It's part of what makes being a grown up so hard, no one said those choices were easy or fun, but if you live your whole life making choices based on other people's feelings, you will never live for yourself."

"So what? So I should call Edward and flaunt him around town while Riley recovers at home?"

"Bella...being with Edward if this love is everything you two say it is, isn't wrong. What was wrong, was you not calling Riley the minute you felt the inkling to kiss Edward Cullen and end it with him...and in that case, Riley would still have been heart broken, and very well could have done the same exact thing. I want you to stop beating yourself up over this."

I'm not sure I feel any better, I know I don't feel any worse, and that has to count for something.

She holds my shoulders and looks at me with a proud smile, "You look like a beautiful young woman."

I smile at her, and kiss her cheek. "Thanks, mom."

I'm a nervous wreck by the time I get to the beach, and start walking toward the tent that is set up. I saw his car. I push it all down though. I know by the time I'm even remotely close to him, he'll know I'm there.

I get to the tent, and there's a tall guy.

"Are you here for the bride, or groom?" he asks.

He's cute, his hair is blonde and he has facial hair. I smile when I see he's wearing Converse...and his black jeans have holes in the knees.

"Um, both..." I start to say. He looks at me for a moment, looks back, and that's when I see him.

Edward.

He's standing at the altar with Jasper, smiling.

"I'm Dean."

I smile. "Bella."

"Right this way." He says, offering his arm.

As we walk down the aisle, Edward finally looks at me. I used to feel excited, thrilled, and loved. Now, all I feel is guilt. For what I did and what I'm doing.

He almost looks like he wants to run to me.

I have to look away, or I'll be the one running to him. I don't look away in time, I see him mouth the word "please."

UtB

"You did it! Congratulations!" I say, hugging Jasper.

"Thank you for coming, you don't know how much it means to her." Jasper says in my ear.

"I'm here for you guys." I say, a little louder than usual. Edward is behind him, talking to Carlisle and Alice's Maid of Honor, Jane.

Jasper nods, and turns to another guest. Alice throws herself at me.

"I'm officially Mrs. Jasper Whitlock!" She says, and I laugh.

"You look so beautiful." I tell her, and she hugs me tighter.

"You have about two seconds to make an exit before he tries to talk to you." She whispers. I look over her shoulder, and Edward is staring.

"I'll see you later?" I say. I don't want to leave. If there is any example of how pure, true and unselfish love should be, it's Alice and Jasper.

Edward has been steadily trying to make his way to me. I'm blatantly trying to avoid him.

"Of course." Alice says, as we pull away. I smile at her, and hug Jasper.

Sure enough, I can see Edward walking toward Alice.

"Beautiful Bellaaa." I look up to see Dean putting his phone in his pocket.

"Hey," I smile at him.

"Let's get something to drink," he smiles down at me. I see Edward getting closer over his shoulder.

"I'd like that," I tell him, mostly just so I can get out of there as fast as possible.

We are some of the only people at the banquet hall, he hands me a glass of wine. "Thanks."

He pulls the chair out at the table for me then pulls his chair as close to mine as he can get it, I feel my heart beating faster, because he is charming. I like the way his words make me feel.

"This is really beautiful," he picks up the key around my neck that Riley gave me. My arms are filled with goose bumps as his finger slides over my exposed collar bone, then down my shoulder. "Anyone lucky enough to have the lock that that key opens?"

"Not anymore."

He leans closer to me, his mouth right at my ear, "His loss is my gain."

"How do you know Alice and Jasper?" I ask him.

"Grew up with them, Edward and I were inseparable in high school."

Dean...I knew the name rang a bell. Edward told me a story about how much trouble Dean got him into when he was in seventh grade. He got his first and only Saturday school.

As much as I enjoy the way his flirting makes me forget about my shattered heart, I can't do that to Edward.

"What about you? How do you know the Whitlocks?"

"I'm Bella..." I tell him, hoping he will realize the same thing I did.

He looks at me like I have said the stupidest thing in the world. "I thought we covered the introductions," he laughs.

"I'm sorry...I met them last summer when they stayed here."

He places his hand on my crossed knee, "I knew I should have come up for a week when they invited me."

Sadness washes over me when I realize Edward's oldest friend has no idea who I am. Wasn't I important enough for Edward to mention? Was he ashamed of us? Of my age?

I take another sip of wine. The DJ announces that the Wedding party has arrived.

He announces the parents of the bride, then the parents of the groom. Next he announces Edward and Jane.

He looks right at Dean and me. I uncross my legs, then cross my other leg, boring my eyes into him.

I want Edward to do something...I want him to tell Dean to get his hands off me. I want him to ignore my request to leave me alone.

I want him to fight for me.

He doesn't. He dances with his ex-girlfriend, who is a far cry from a nerd. She is in Rose's league.

Him and Dean talk a few times, and every time I hope Edward tells him who I am, and each time I am disappointed. Edward doesn't even care enough to stop his best friend from trying to take me home?

If Edward doesn't care...neither do I.

I do what I have been doing best the past few weeks, what Edward is doing best tonight and start sucking down the drinks.

Jane comes over. "Is it okay if I sit here?" she asks.

"Ah...I guess."

"Bella, right?" she asks, sitting down.

"Right," I confirm for her.

"Edward has told me a lot about you."

"Is that so?" I question her, trying really hard not to have an attitude with her.

"Why don't you...I don't know, go ask him to dance or something."

"Because..." I shake my head. "He doesn't want to," I tell her, thinking of how embarrassed he must feel about me...about us. There is no other reason to explain him not letting Dean know who I am.

His whole family is here. I've met his grandparents, his uncles, aunts, cousins. Every time I was introduced as "Alice's friend, Bella."

He wants to stare at me...ask me please...but I'm not good enough for him to do it in front of his family.

"I think you're wrong," Jane tells me, as Dean comes to sit down, Edward close behind him.

He looks right at me, "Dance with me," my heart flutters.

I was wrong.

I'm about to stand up, when he pulls Jane up.

Even she looks a bit surprised. She goes with him though.

"Let's go dance?" I ask Dean. "I really love this song."

He extends his hand to me, "I'd love to."

I get dizzy when I stand up, Dean steadies me.

His hands are on my hips, his thumbs are rubbing circles in my hip bones. "I think aside from Jasper, I'm the luckiest guy here tonight." he whispers, his lips kiss below my ear.

I notice Edward, and the hurt in his eyes is enough for me to pull away from Dean. "Not here," I tell him.

"Then where?"

"I can't," I start to say, until I see Edward pressing Jane against his body.

"You have been driving me crazy all night," His hands ghost over my ass. "At least don't deny me the chance to make out with you on the beach."

I laugh, even though I don't want anything to do with another man on the beach.

"No beach." I say.

"Let's get outta here."

Dean has a room here at this hotel, he holds my hand as he leads me to the elevators.

"I can't control myself anymore," he says, pinning me against the wall.

"You smell so good..like E -" I whisper. He smells like Edward.

I'm silenced by his mouth on mine. He kisses me so forcefully. The scruff on his face scratches my cheek.

His hands are not as smooth as Edward's, they are rough from his job. I'm not sure I like how he feels touching me. The rough callouses on his palms scratch up my outer thigh, I push them down, and move my mouth from his.

He is breathing heavy, and I want to say stop. I want to say I don't want to go your room anymore.

I can't find the strength to speak though.

The elevator dings, and he pulls away from me. "You feel so so good." He walks me backward into the elevator.

"Just make out..." I state, because yeah, I'm drunk. I'm not thinking clear, and a part of me wants to get back at Edward for not caring enough to stop this.

"Whatever you want...you don't have to come up...I mean if you aren't comfortable." Dean tells me, as the doors begin to close.

He is not Edward. Or Riley. And I feel so crappy about everything, that all I want is to be wanted. Dean wants me, right now. Bad, like really bad, there is a bulge under his black jeans telling me how bad.

He slows down, and isn't so rushed and needy with me. He opens up the mini fridge in his room and makes us both a drink. I sit on his bed.

I slip off my heels, "My feet are killing me."

"Your feet are adorable," he tells me, pulling up the chair in the corner and sitting across from me. He pulls my legs over his lap and starts massaging my feet.

"Mmmm, that feels so good."

"Bella...can I kiss you?"

I take my feet off his lap, and go to the edge of the bed, I feel his beard under my fingers, licking my lips I slowly bring them to his.

When I give in, I realize what I'm doing. Why I'm doing it...I'm sabotaging everything I have with Edward.

I'm punishing myself.

**EPOV**

"Edward, then you are going to be right here," the Pastor is trying to show me where I will be, but I'm a million miles away.

"Edward? Can you please focus for like five minutes, please." Alice begs, grabbing my arm and leading to me where I am expected to stand as the best man in her wedding in two days.

I shake my head, "I'm sorry, Allie."

"It's bad enough my maid of honor isn't here to do all this...please I don't want this to be a complete disaster."

I still can't believe her maid of honor is Jane. They were close when I dated her in high school, and they stayed close. I haven't seen her since we graduated high school, and her flight got delayed making her unable to make it to the rehearsal tonight. Alice asked if it was okay if Jane stayed at the house, that she didn't really have the extra funds for a hotel since she just moved for a new job.

It's not like I would say no. There are only three bedrooms, but Alice insisted that Jasper and her not stay together before their wedding night, so Jasper is staying at the hotel with his family, leaving Alice and Jane in the guest room with the twin beds.

I try my best to focus the rest of the night, to not let the ache in my heart swallow me whole, but it's hard when Bella won't even speak to me.

After we finish the run through of how the ceremony will go, we head back to my place to eat.

I'm surprised at how low key Alice is being with the whole wedding. I always thought she would go over the top, with some fairytale wedding. I know it's Jasper's influence. He is much more realistic.

She did hire a catering company to supply all the food back at my place, but it's just beer and wine, and mostly family.

We got a local hotel to give everyone flying in for the event a good rate. It's not a big wedding party, it's me and Jane. The rehearsal dinner though is open to all the guests.

I know Alice has been pestering Bella to still come, she says she agreed to come and my stomach is in knots wondering if she will show up tonight.

I'm on the back patio with Angel, sipping a beer, being anti-social. Mostly being in a sour mood that she hasn't come. I don't know why I expected that she would.

Jasper takes a seat next to me at the patio table, he leans forward his elbows on his knees and he stares at me. I beg him with my eyes not to bring her up.

"You gonna at least shave for the wedding?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'll shave." I tell him, bringing the beer bottle back to my mouth, then placing it back on the glass table.

"You two can't expect to be together and for it to work while you're lying and hurting other people..."

"I don't need this right now, okay Jasper? I don't need to be told that karma's a bitch or whatever. I get it. Loud and clear." I pick up my beer, "Come on, girl." I call Angel as I walk inside.

I smile at a few guests, being as polite and short with them as I can without being down-right rude, then sneak upstairs.

Bella is beating herself up for how she hurt Riley. Of course I knew it was shitty to do...and I don't need Jasper to remind me that nothing good could come out of Bella and I being together when it hurt Riley so much.

I know how much that kid loves her...almost as much as I do.

There's a knock on my bedroom door, "Alice give me a few, please." I say annoyed, not wanting to move from the edge of my bed.

The door begins to open, "It's not Alice," I hear a voice I haven't heard in way too long.

"Yo, dude!" I walk over to my best friend from high school, Dean. I shake his hand and then give him a quick hug.

"Alice said you were holed up in your room," he laughs, patting my back.

"Yeah, I'm just not feeling that whole scene right now."

His hair is shorter, he brushes his hand over the dirty blonde hair in some attempt to make it lay flat, it doesn't. "I think I under dressed," he laughs, pulling at his white t-shirt.

"You wore jeans to prom," I point out.

"Yeah, I guess some things never change."

He looks thinner. Maybe it's just because he got taller. His features are long and thin. He still looks as grungy as he did in high school.

"How are things? What have you been up to?" I ask.

"Just working, ya know. I started my own painting company."

"That's great. What about Michelle...you and her still together?"

His face scrunches up, and I can tell it's a sore subject. They have been together since high school. We were the oddest group in high school, the four of us. Jane, Michelle, Dean and me.

Me and Jane were smart and nerdy and for all intents and purposes as goody two shoe'd as two teenagers could be. Dean was my best friend from kindergarten, and even though he and I weren't cut from the same mold, we always stayed close. Michelle was a balance of us all. Mostly, Jane kept her grounded while Dean kept her on the edge.

Their relationship has always been volatile. On again off again. "She's pregnant." he tells me.

"What are you guys going to do?" I ask.

"It's not mine, I don't have to do anything."

"No shit!" I'm stunned that Michelle got pregnant by someone else.

"Yeah, we had a fight one night...broke up like the we have a hundred times before, only she goes and fucks some guy that's been up her ass at work. She comes back to me a few days later, like always, and a month later she's telling me she's pregnant." He shakes his head. "I started thinking well this wasn't planned, but we can do this ya know? Then she comes clean about the night she slept with him."

"So there is no way it's yours?"

"We were fighting over the fact that we haven't had sex in over a month...pretty sure the due date says loud and clear that it ain't."

"I'm sorry, dude."

"Yeah, well...no better place to meet a nice girl than at a wedding right?"

I laugh, "I guess."

"So what has you hiding up here?" he looks around the room.

On the chair that is caddy cornered, is a pair of Bella's thongs. He picks them up delicately with his index finger and thumb, "I see you're not having any issues having sex."

"Give me those," I snatch them out of his hand.

"Is she here? Do I get to meet the owner of those sexy panties?" he waggles his eyebrows.

"No. and No."

"Ah, so you're locked away with a broken heart."

"Dude...I don't want talk about it."

"Well...shit...looks like we can be partners in crime finding some lucky ladies at the wedding."

"Yeah, but I know everyone that's going to be there, and besides, I'm willing to wait for her."

"You and Jane could have a go around for old time sakes..." Dean suggests.

"I'm not into Jane like that anymore."

"Dude when is the last time you even saw Jane?"

"Graduation." I admit, not sure where he is going with this.

"The girl is..."

"EDWARD!" Alice swings the door open, her hands on her hips. "I told you to bring him out of this cave, Dean, not hang out in it."

We both say sorry, and from behind Alice, comes someone that is almost unrecognizable. She puts a suitcase down at my door.

"Edward?" she questions, stepping in front of Alice.

I'm speechless. "Jane?" I can't believe it's the same girl.

"Stunning." Dean whispers at my side.

"I can't believe that's you," I tell her, giving her a hug. No glasses, no pony tail, no braces.

She has curves, I'm a man, and yes, I notice how good her tits look in the button down white shirt she is wearing that has the top three buttons undone, with a pair of tight blue jeans that are ripped on the thighs.

She pushes her long layered blonde hair back, as I look at her from top to bottom. I would have never pictured her walking around so comfortably in peep toe heels.

"Stop checking out your ex-girlfriend," Dean shoves my shoulder.

"I'm not checking her out," I state, then immediately feel bad. "Not that you don't look amazing," I quickly tell Jane, "I mean...I don't mean to...fuck."

"No I get it. I changed a lot in college."

"I can see that."

"I mean there aren't many mousy, nerdy, news anchors."

"News anchor?" I question her.

"Yeah, don't seem so surprised! I just got a job with ABC in Philadelphia."

"Wow. I'm so happy for you!"

"Yeah, I'm excited. You aren't exactly the same guy you were in high school either, Edward."

I run my hair through my hair, "Yeah...I guess I loosened up in college a bit myself." I admit. Mostly it was Kate's influence, she is such a free spirit.

"Well, I was just showing Jane where she could put her bags," Alice interrupts.

Jane goes to get her bag, and I stop her. "Let me get that."

She smiles at me, "Thanks."

I place it inside the room next to mine, "The bathroom is right down the hall...if Alice is taking forever you can use the one in my room," I offer her.

Alice and Dean already went back downstairs. I hold my arm out for her to go ahead of me, "Wanna get a beer or glass of wine?" I ask her as we head down the stairs.

"Wine sounds good."

"You flew in from Philadelphia? Wouldn't it have been easier to drive?" I ask her.

"Oh, I was in Chicago. Just getting the last of my stuff in one of those pod thingy's." She explains, as I pour her some wine in the kitchen.

I grab another beer. My grandmother comes in, and kisses me on the cheek, I can feel the lipstick. Jane giggles.

"Hey Gran," I smile at her.

"How is my handsome grandson? Your mother said you had a special girl here in Wildwood, when do I get to meet her?"

"Ah...well...she isn't talking to me right now...she might be at the wedding though."

"Well, that is one silly girl."

I smile at her attempt to make me feel better, even if it is to say she thinks I could do better. She never did censor herself well.

"Mom, leave Edward alone he doesn't want to discuss that right now," My mom saves me, pulling Grans away, while handing her a dry martini.

"Here," Jane attempts to wipe the pink lipstick off my cheek. Her eyes catch mine, and her thumb falters. "Not sure what that girl is thinking myself." she whispers.

I close my eyes, and swallow back the tension I feel building. "I, ah," I step away. I'm not going to get over Bella by distracting myself with another girl.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I just broke up with someone too." She admits.

I nod. "I'm not good with rebounds...I don't like to admit that that's all they are...and..."

Jane laughs at me, "I'm..." she stops and shakes her head.

"What," I urge her to finish.

"Pathetic."

"Why would you say that?" I lean against the kitchen island, there are people all around us, but it's like Jane and I are back in high school. She's my best friend again, and we are the only ones that really get one another.

"He dumped me. Said he didn't think our relationship was strong enough to do the long distance thing...then two days later, he started sleeping with my roommate. I still love him." she looks down, shaking her head. "I'd take him back in a heartbeat."

"That doesn't make you pathetic. It makes you brave. And you have no idea the shit Bella put me through, and I'm waiting for her to come back to me."

Jane and I go out on the patio and talk. It's such a relief to have someone to talk to that understands me. Understands my feelings for Bella, no matter how irrational they are at times, because she feels the same exact way for Brendan.

She tells me how he is the head news anchor for a station in Chicago that she did her college internship at. He was her boss, and it should have never happened. I know exactly how things that should never happen despite your understanding of how wrong it is.

I tell Jane at my attempt to get over Bella with Liv, and how I have no desire to try and do that again.

"I can't even picture being with somebody else," she admits. "For a second, back in the kitchen I was tempted...like really tempted, but I knew I couldn't. All of a sudden it just felt so wrong. But for a second it was like, if he can screw someone else, why can't I?"

"Because you are better than that. You deserve better than that."

Just like Riley did. I hate being on the other side of the coin than Jane in this instance.

"I can't believe we just stopped talking," Jane muses after a few moments of silence. "You were seriously like the only person in the world that understood me in high school...and here you are now and after two hours, I feel the same exact way."

"All I can say, is I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," she smiles. "It's been awhile since I smiled for real."

"It's been awhile since Edward has too," my mom comes up behind me, rubbing my shoulders.

She makes small talk with Jane. They discuss the plans for tomorrow. Jasper and Alice didn't want to do bachelor and bachelorette parties separately, so it's one. They want to kick the day off at the beach. Then they want to go to this bar on the beach to start the drinking, then dinner and gambling in Atlantic City.

I start to think about Bella, wishing she was going to be there. Then I realize she wouldn't be able to be there. It's one thing to use a fake ID, it's another thing to use it with my parents in tow.

Soon, everyone is outside with us. Dean, Jasper, Alice, and a few of our cousins. We are laughing over old memories, and I wonder how I have let these people slip out of my life.

UtB

I have a freshly shaved face, I look nice in the blue button down shirt and black slacks. In the inside though, I feel like shit.

Completely hungover. Maybe still a bit drunk. I am standing with Jasper at the end of the aisle, soft music is floating through the air as we wait for everything to start.

He doesn't look nervous at all. He looks like a man whose dreams are unfolding right in front of him. I'm jealous of them. At how easily their love came for them. I'm also happy my sister found someone who is as in love with her as Jasper is.

Not everyone is here yet, and I keep waiting for Bella. She promised Alice she would come, and I need to see her. I told Alice I wouldn't talk to her, I need to see her though. I need to make sure she is okay.

That's when I see her walking down the aisle with Dean, who agreed to help seat people.

She looks, amazing. Her dress is the color of the sand. It's one shoulder, with a belt around her waist. The dress is flowing, nothing like the tight skimpy dresses she wore at school.

Her brown eyes meet mine, she doesn't smile. I open my mouth and silently say, "please." Please talk to me. Please don't leave us like this. Please...

She looks away.

Soon, the music starts and Jane walks down the aisle in the same color blue as my shirt strapless dress, she smiles at me when she reaches the end of the aisle. I smile back at her.

Alice comes into view with our father. She looks beyond perfect. I glance at Jasper and notice the tears in his eyes as his bride walks toward her future.

Her dress is long, but looks airy. It has intricate sliver beading above her chest and back over her shoulders. She designed it herself, and there is no way it could be any more perfect for her.

They exchange vows, and it's short and sweet.

We stay on the beach for pictures, I watch powerless to stop it as Bella and Dean head off towards the hotel for the reception.

"Is that her?" Jane asks, staring at the same thing I am.

"Ah, yeah."

"She's beautiful."

"That word doesn't even do her justice."

UtB

As soon as I get inside the reception, I start out with a shot. I don't know how I manage to give a half way acceptable best man speech, but I do.

I stand up at the table, and clear my throat to get everyone's attention, "I found that every great relationship starts with rings. In the beginning, the phone would ring and the just the thought of speaking to one another was exciting. Your love grew and so did your commitment to each other. The engagement ring soon came after. There were no doubts... your love was true. The engagement ring has now turned into a wedding ring and we are all here today to celebrate your marriage. Now of course... the suffer-ring begins." I smirk at my best friend who is now my brother and my sister. I raise my glass, "Peace and happiness to the new bride and groom!"

Jane and I dance for the wedding party, and after that we just stay on the dance floor together.

I want to say something to Dean, about Bella, because he is hanging off her...but I get trashed. Way to fast. I notice Bella drinking a lot, too. Every drink delivered by Dean. She mostly sits at her assigned table. Jane even goes and talks to her for a few minutes, when Dean leaves her side.

"If he..." I begin, but Alice interrupts me.

"If he? Edward...I know you love her, but she isn't yours. Please, I'm begging you, don't start this after the amount of alcohol you have ingested tonight. No good will come. I don't think Dean is as ready to move on as he lets us all think, and Bella isn't either. Just..."

"Is that what you would do, if it were Jasper? You would stand by while one of your oldest friends puts the moves on him?"

"If he asked me to give him space...I'd respect that."

Dean comes over, and wraps his arm around my shoulder. He kisses my cheek, then says, "So, did you re-think your attraction to Jane?" he asks, as we watch her and Bella chatting.

"No, there is only one girl for me." I respond, starring at Bella. "And she wants nothing to do with me."

"Jasper what are we going to do about Edward's woe is me attitude?"

Jasper holds up his hands, "I don't go near that subject with him."

"You love Michelle?" I ask him.

"Very much...I just don't like her half the time."

"And you think you're ready to feel another woman...taste her..."

I look back to Bella, then to Dean. "I'm not sure...I mean I miss her blonde hair, her hazel eyes, how I would feel her cheek under my thumb...I love her cheeks. When she smiles they are like perfectly round." Dean's words about Michelle, make me rest easier about how far things will truly go between him and Bella.

"Yeah...I miss my girl's laughter. The way she chewed her bottom lip...God her lips, her mouth, the way she'd pull at my hair. Her. I miss all of her."

"Let's go get a round of cherry bombs," Dean suggests.

Dean and I toast to girls that push us away. A slow song comes on, and I stumble over to Bella's table. "Come dance," I tilt my head toward the dance floor, as I pull Jane up.

"Excuse me, guys." She smiles politely at Bella and Dean then comes with me on the dance floor.

"She's very sweet," Jane tells me about Bella.

"I know how wonderful she is," I tell Jane, I can feel myself nodding off.

I notice over Jane's shoulder, Dean and Bella dancing. He is kissing her neck. Her eyes lock with mine. She pulls away from Dean, I can see how uncomfortable she is.

I hold Jane close, my hands rubbing up and down her back as I try not to breakdown or go pull Dean off Bella.

"It's okay," she whispers, rubbing my back in return. I'm thankful the lights are low, and I have contacts to blame my teary eyes on.

Dean whispers in Bella's ear, she laughs, and bites her bottom lip. I can't watch her. It's ten times worse than watching her with Riley.

When the song is over, so is Bella.

I down another shot.

UtB

I wake up, on day three of a hangover. Jasper and Alice stayed at the hotel in the penthouse last night. Jane and I made it back to my place, thanks to my parents driving us.

"Hey wake up!" she tells me, I open my eyes, the light hurts, and I groan. She is kneeling on my bed, bouncing up and down. She has on one of my baseball hats, and the t-shirt Bella stole from me last year from my high school.

"I hope you don't mind I borrowed this...I found it folded up next to your dryer..." I do mind, but I tell her it's fine.

She hands me some Tylenol and a tall glass of water. "We made plans to meet Dean for breakfast."

"We did?"

"We did."

"Huh...I guess there is a lot I'm not going to remember about last night."

"Probably not."

Jane and I get to the hotel, and I refuse to take off my sunglasses. I do need to eat. Something greasy.

I knock on his door, nothing. I call him, I can hear the phone, but he doesn't answer.

"Dean!" I knock again. "Wake up!"

I hear the door unlocking, and he tells Jane and I to come in with a hushed tone. "I got this pretty little thing sleeping still."

I look in the bed, and want to throw up. "You didn't..." I shake my head as I look at my girl naked, wrapped in a sheet in his bed.

"Oh I did," Dean is proud. I almost punch him, instead I punch the wall. He has no idea that it's my girl.

"What -" Bella jumps up, holding the sheet around her chest. "Edward?" She almost whimpers, then looks at Jane.

"Oh shit," Dean and her say at the same exact time.

"Don't act like you didn't know who the fuck he was to me Bella," I start. I've told her about Dean.

"I-I," she stumbles. Her eyes take in Jane, her appearance. She's in my clothes. Clothes that I let her wear. "It's not as if you two didn't have a fun night yourselves! That's my shirt!"

"We didn't..." Jane calmly tells Bella. "Edward said I could wear this shirt. I wouldn't have if I knew he had given it to you."

"Jane you don't have to explain anything to her. I'm so fucking done with you."

"Edward, man. Calm down." Dean tries to reason with me.

"Is that what you'd say to me if I fucked Michelle?" I yell at him.

"Edward, please...I don't know what happened. I had so much to drink. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I guess the drunk excuse works for an eighteen year old...and I've been pleading with you since you left. I'm done."

"Holy shit! You're only eighteen?" Dean exclaims, pulling on his shirt.

I shake my head at her.

"Don't Edward! It's not like you weren't flaunting your beautiful ex girlfriend in my face all night!"

"So you thought you'd screw my best friend! God, Bella...I'm...I don't even..."

I'm hurt. I don't know what to think of her or how this affects how I feel about her. Right now, I'm pissed at her.

"Meet us at the diner in fifteen if you want Dean," I take Jane by her wrist, then turn back to Bella. "Maybe it's the only way that we can finally stand on our own. Ya know, to hurt each other so much that we have no choice but to let go... maybe otherwise we never would."

I walk out the door, somehow with enough strength to ignore her calling after me.

**Don't forget to tell us how much you love/hate us now! Everything has a reason...and a we are setting up the right time for them now.**


	26. Chapter 26

**SM Owns**

**Big thanks to Lynn Pepper, Mytwogalspal for all the help! Lots of love! **

**For everyone still with us...thanks for sticking around - things can only get better from here on out. Four more chapters and we will get these 2 back on track, promise. **

**CHAPTER 26: Time Goes On...**

EPOV

"I heard he dumped her for Bella Swan," a senior in my art class whispers to her friend, but she isn't quiet enough.

"I knew there was something going on between them," her friend glances at me out of the corner of her eye, I pretend to not be paying any attention. "Ethan said he saw them over the summer like all over each other."

"I really thought her and Riley were like so in love. I don't understand how she could do that to him."

I run my hand through my hair, and sigh. I go around to the front of my desk, and sit on top of it. I wasn't in the mood to come back to this room...which is still filled with so many memories of her. Even her art work is embedded on the concrete walls.

I clear my throat, "I have journals," I begin to explain the same assignment I gave Bella's class. When I finish, "Is there any questions?"

The girl that's been discussing the rumors of my love life raises her hand. I glance down at the seating chart I sent around the room for them to fill out with their names in the seats they had chosen. "Yes, Abby," I call on her.

"Are you like with Bella Swan?"

"Does anybody have any questions about the assignment?" I re-phase the question.

She raises her hand again, "Abby." I give her another chance.

"Cause if not I'm free." She smiles wide with a small giggle, making the rest of the class laugh.

I close my eyes. "That doesn't surprise me." I pick up the journals and start handing them out.

She doesn't say anything the rest of class, when the bell rings I ask her to stay. "Abby, I'd like to have a word with you, please."

"I have to get to math..." she says inching toward the door.

"I'll write you a note," I tell her shutting the door.

She huffs, and takes a sit in the desk right in front of mine. "My personal life isn't up for discussion. I won't tolerate any blatant or suggestive references to it, am I clear?"

"Yes, Mr. Cullen."

"Is everything okay?" I ask her, sensing something is off with her.

Her eyes well with tears. "My dad lost his job...and we had to move out of our house. The guy I like doesn't like me..."

I cringe internally for asking her. I don't really have the energy to deal with it since everything happened with Bella and Dean...three very long weeks ago.

"You should make an appointment to speak with Ms. Remy. She is here to listen and find ways to help."

She looks up at me, her eye liner running down her face. I grab a tissue, and hand it to her. "Thanks," she mumbles dabbing her eyes. "I feel like such an idiot crying to you."

"Don't, do you want me to set up something with Ms. Remy?"

"I'd rather talk to you. I mean you were always so great with Bella when she had that abortion..."

"Miscarriage," I don't know how smart it was of me to correct her, but I feel the need to defend the truth as much as I can. Even though her words slice my heart wide open. I had it stitched. It was messy and still weeping, but mentioning the baby Bella and I lost, is painful.

"Abby, I'm flattered you feel that you can trust me, but Ms. Remy is very good at her job. She was specially trained to help students like you who are under a lot of emotional stress. Senior year of high school can be very scary all by it's self, add in the problems you have at home, the emotions you feel for boys, and all of a sudden you are staring at a mountain of problems and Ms. Remy can teach you how to handle it all. She has those tools, I don't."

She nods, keeping her eyes trained on the desk. "Fine," she relents.

"Okay, I'll see if she can see you during your free period, okay?"

"Thanks, Mr. Cullen," she looks up at me. "I'm sorry for asking those questions earlier about Bella...I'm sure they are just rumors."

"It's okay."

She smiles, then stands up. I bend over my desk and write her a note. When I turn back to her, I catch her checking out my ass.

"Here," I say, holding the note out to her, then going to open the door for her. "Go freshen up before you get to class, okay?" I want her to know I don't expect her to go right into class looking like she's been crying so that everyone can ask her if she's okay.

I take the steps in the back hall to get to my office. I have done a good job at avoiding Liv so far this first week of school. I can't do that though, we need to have a professional relationship.

I stay in my office, and dial her extension. "This is Liv Remy," she answers.

"Hey, it's Edward," I begin.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Cullen?" Her tone is short, clipped. Not friendly and flirty, like I am so used to.

"Can you come in my office, I need to speak to you about a student."

"Sure," she hangs up. I open my office door, indicating that she can come right in.

She walks in, wearing a tight pencil skirt with a high waist, a white button down shirt is tucked in. Her hair is up in a messy bun on the left side of her head.

She looks me over, "You look like shit," she takes note of my jeans and button down flannel I didn't even bother to tuck in. I still haven't been great with the shaving, and my hair, I haven't bothered to take the time to tame it like I did last year for work.

"Thanks, you look...nice," I settle on.

"What's up?" she asks.

"Abby - I forget her last name. She is a senior, short dark hair, blue eyes...likes to gossip..."

"Abby Davis, yeah what about her?"

"She has some issues going on at home, the school year only just started, it's not going to get easier or less stressful for her, I told her I would have you speak to her during her free period, you know help her find a way to deal with everything in a more manageable way."

"No problem, anything else?"

"No."

"How is Bella?" she asks.

"Is this us being professional?" I retort. I don't understand why everyone wants to know what is going on between us.

"I thought it was me trying to extend an olive branch...be your friend, I guess that was stupid."

"Bella Swan is in Chicago, I haven't seen or spoken to her for three weeks."

"I'm sorry," Liv sounds sincere.

"I'm sorry I didn't want to see her for exactly what she is...an immature teenager."

"Ouch," Liv whispers.

"Chloe? How is Chloe?" I change the subject.

"She is doing so good. Lucas got a better job, and he bought a house that he is fixing up so we can all move in."

"Good. Good for you guys, look I have to get back to work." I lead her toward the door, just as Marcus is coming in.

"Morning, Ms. Remy," he greets her as they walk past each other.

"Edward, I have a few prospects for you this fall and spring."

"Of course," I say, excited to have this discussion with Marcus. I asked him if I could get into coaching a winter and spring sport to keep me busy this year.

I almost wish I could leave Wildwood. There is nothing here for me, no one. I'm so alone, I just want to stay busy, because I can't just leave this job after a year, it won't look good on my resume.

But what would I do? Go back to Chicago? The last thing I need is to run into Bella.

"The girls teams need the most help...in the winter, the swim team, and the spring softball. Becca Richard's, the gym teacher is the head coach for both, but she would like someone to help and bring on an assistant coach, both teams last year came very close to states, do you think you are up for it on top of the art club?"

"I don't have an art club, no one has signed up...so I don't think it will be an issue."

"Well, Mrs. Richards will be pleased to hear you are joining her." Marcus shakes my hand, and I'm thankful I will have things to keep me busy during the school year.

I put my head in my hands, I wasn't ready to feel so hurt at every reminder of her in this building but I am. I think of her when I pass her locker. When I go in the art room. When I watched in silence when Liv painted our sets from last year white.

She's everywhere. I can't get away from her, and honestly that's all I want.

UtB

I'm sitting in my office, looking through the new journals for this year. I can't help that I'm not so inspired by them, not happy.

How could I expect anyone to live up to Bella Swan?

No one ever could.

Abby shows the greatest potential. Her journal is by far one of my favorites. I pointed it out to Liv, and she raised her eyebrows at me.

My phone buzzes on my desk.

Jane.

"Don't you dare tell me you're still at work." She says, I can hear the smile in her voice though."You work too much. You're punished."

"Punished..." I trail off, honestly wondering where she's going with this. Things with Jane have been fun, and she's been there for me.

Feelings? There are no feelings. I'm sick off feelings and I'm trying to avoid them; which is the reason I'm still at school at Eleven-thirty on a Friday night.

"I'm coming to Wildwood, actually, I'm here. You have five minutes to pack up your shit and open the door to your house before Wildwood High needs a new Vice Principal."

I pack up my things, while still on the phone with Jane. She tells me about her day, I tell her about mine.

I get home in five minutes. Jane's BMW is parked in the driveway, but she's not in the car. I shake my head when I see lights on, and the curtain move.

"I should have you arrested for breaking and entering." I tell her, kneeling down to pet Angel.

"It's not breaking and entering if you told me where the key is." She says, smugly.

"You little girl, are supposed to keep people like this out of our house." I tell Angel as she licks my face.

"You're useless." I say, patting her on the head.

Jane laughs, and walks in the kitchen with a pizza box.

"I picked up..." She trails off. "..so much pizza!" She shrieks.

"Have you eaten anything besides greasy pizza and fast food since I left three weeks ago?"

"Uh..." No, I haven't.

She stares at me for a minute, and walks over to the refrigerator. I'd tell her nothing is in it, but it won't help my case. She picks up the pizza box that she brought, along with the others, and tosses them in the trash.

"That's it. I hate this place, and if you eat anymore pizza you'll mess up that pretty face of yours with acne. Pack a bag for the weekend."

I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Look at you, miss bossy."

The thought of getting out of Wildwood, even for a few days, is appealing.

"Shut up." She says folding her arms over her chest.

I laugh as I head upstairs to pack a bag. It'll be nice to escape reality... even for the weekend.

UtB

Within two hours, Jane has me at her apartment with cheese steak from Tony Luke's and a six pack of beer. Her apartment is amazing. The walls are white, with flowers painted red. Her couch is white, leather, and it takes up a whole wall. And it's comfortable.

"So much for no greasy food." I say, trying to dodge her hand when she hits me.

"Tony's is the exception."

I can't even speak it's so good, I just nod enjoying the taste as I wipe some grease off the corner of my mouth.

"Welcome to Northern Liberties," Jane smiles at me.

I swallow my food, "I really do miss being in the city," I tell her.

"The shore is great all summer...but gosh, it's so depressing there now."

"You don't have to tell me."

Where Jane lives is called The Piazza at Schmidts. It use to be Schmidts brewery. It's a huge square, and right in the middle is a courtyard and all the apartments balconies look out over it. There are no apartments on the ground level.

It's restaurants, markets, shops, I even noticed an art gallery. Against the far left wall, there is a big screen set up. Jane explained they show movies some nights, and are always playing big sporting events.

"I'm scared to be here if the Phillies make it to the world series again," she laughed.

The TV is on quietly as we continue to eat, and I see her. I grab the remote and turn it up.

"Oh geez! Gimme that!" she tries to take the remote. I hold her back with one hand, and she gives up burying her head in her hands embarrassed. "I hate seeing myself." she mumbles.

"Shut up, you are a natural." I tell her. I turn the TV back down, and sit back on the couch. I stare at her, kind of in shock, because I still have trouble with who she has become.

She stares back then a smile spreads across her face, "Stop it," she shoves me again, then starts cleaning up the paper from our food.

"Stop hitting me. I'm gonna bruise if you keep hitting me."

She ignores me, and when she comes back, she is armed with blankets and a pillow.

"Thanks." I say, taking them but she doesn't give them to me.

"No, you go sleep in the bedroom...You are the guest."

"I'm not taking your bed."

"Well, I'm sorry Edward, I don't have three bedrooms like you, and I can sleep on the couch, unless you want to share the bed...and I don't think you do - I'm a tosser."

I give Jane a few minutes to get ready for bed, then I head in the bathroom and change into a pair of basket ball shorts and a white t-shirt. When I walk into the bedroom, Jane is in bed, covered in silver under her bedding. She is all the way to the left of the bed.

It's so weird getting in bed with her...I lost my virginity to her, but was never in a bed with her.

She was never allowed in my room. I was never allowed in hers. It was always on the couch in my basement, listening for footsteps overhead, and never getting fully undressed.

As I climb in the right side, leaving a nice sized gap between us, I start to laugh thinking about our 'sex lives' then.

"What's so funny?" she asks.

"Just thinking of how we use to have sex in my basement...I knew if you came over in that skirt we would be doing it," I chuckle.

"Shut up," she shakes her head. "We didn't even have a clue back then."

"You said I was good." I argue with her.

"I also had nothing to compare it too."

"Ouch...So I was that bad, huh?"

"Any sex like that would be bad, Edward. Don't take it personally. I mean...I always thought we managed to separate in time, and you said your parents had no clue -"

"Yeah, I was lying," I interrupt her. Her mouth falls open, and I laugh. "I knew if you knew they caught us...you'd never do it with me again down there...and well that was the only place we had."

She shakes her head at me, then turns on her side, propping herself up on one elbow.

"For the record...I'm much better in bed now." I tell her smugly.

"Is that so?" she raises her eyebrows expectantly at me.

"Yeah it is."

She rolls her eyes, "Guess I'll never know."

"That ship has definitely sailed."

"Totally." she shakes her head awkwardly.

The light atmosphere is now uncomfortable. Not tense, just off. I can see Jane thinking hard. I get a glimpse of the girl I once knew. Whenever she got an idea, her eyes got vacant. She has the look now.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she finally asks.

"I wasn't really thinking of anything, why? What are you thinking?" I move to mimic her pose on my side.

She shakes her head, "Nothing. Never mind."

"Tell meeee," I whine, squeezing her side, making her squirm.

"It was stupid." I stare her down, letting her know she isn't getting off that easy. She lets out a heavy sigh, "You know...people have needs...and I don't know about you, but I don't just go anywhere to have my needs ya know...filled...and..."

I understand exactly where she is going with this. Fuck buddies. No strings attached. Friends with benefits.

"Oh.." I stop her. "You know I..."

"I know stupid, forget it." she moves to her back.

I should go out on the couch...or I should kiss her. "Crap," I mutter under my breathe, going to lay on my back.

I don't want a girlfriend. I know Jane doesn't want a boyfriend. I'm a man though...a twenty five year old man, and I like having sex...and Jane's right, I don't like having sex with random strangers, or girls that come to expect more from me.

Jane won't.

I turn my head to look at her. The covers aren't up to her neck anymore, they are resting right below her chest. Her nipples poking through her pink tank top. Her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling steadily. She isn't sleeping, she's just avoiding me.

I rub my hand over my face, and I feel myself grow hard as I watch her tits.

"Fuck it," I move quickly, so I'm hovering on top of her.

Her blue eyes open wide staring at me, she opens her mouth to speak but I kiss her.

She wraps her fingers around the base of my neck, I pull away, "You sure about this fuck buddies thing?" I ask her.

Her tiny hands move down my sides then snake up my t-shirt, I help her by pulling it over my head.

"As long as you are."

I let my full body weight cover her, "What do you think?" I shift my hardness against her center.

"Shit," she whispers, her eyes closing in pleasure.

This is not even close to how I pictured spending this weekend, but Jane is right; I have needs and fuck do I want to fill them.

**BPOV**

I sit on the small twin bed, in the small square room, looking out the stupid small window that hardly lets in any light. I don't know how they think artists can work in such a shitty environment. Maybe that's like the first test, make something uninviting, inviting.

My last weeks in Wildwood were so hard. Charlie came for a week to see Cayden. I love him to death, I really do...it's just hard. I was at Emmett's and Rosalie's with everyone, and found this package they just opened. It was a few cute outfits, and a gift card to Babies R Us. From Edward.

I should have never let him go. It's my biggest regret. I realized too late, that things went wrong then. Not when I cheated on Riley. Because for me, forgiveness was such an unattainable thing. I couldn't grasp that someone would have the understanding that Edward possesses. I was so afraid he would hate me for lying to him, that I let him go.

He would have forgiven my lie...he did forgive my lie. I still squandered that forgiveness away like a fool. Story of my life.

I spent a lot of time with Jessica. She was just going to stay and go to community college. I think she was a little sad that I was going, because I always thought it was beyond my reach to accomplish this...we always talked about going to community together.

Even though Edward said his family was here for me...I can't help but to feel like I threw that all away after my night with Dean. Who, of course I haven't spoken to since. Not that I intended to keep in touch with him.

Charlie carries in the last big box. It has a lot of wall art in it. The picture Edward sketched of me. The painting Riley did for me. I actually begged Charlie to leave it behind.

He commented on the sketch of me. The left corner signed E Cullen. "That boy see's all your beauty."

And all my ugly.

I knew he had every reason under the sun to hate me. It was what I wanted, right? I wanted him to hate me...as much as I hated myself.

He stormed out of the room with Jane. I was sorry...it was the worst feeling in the world to have Edward Cullen hate me. It was as if he ripped my heart out and wouldn't give it back, only I handed it right over to him.

I fucked his best friend to make him mad at me. I wouldn't admit that out loud, or even to myself.

I stumbled out of bed, tripping on the white sheet I tried to wrap around my body. Half way down the hall I chased him. Jane looked back at me. He never did.

When I got back to the room, Dean was dressed. He threw my dress at me. "Are you for real?"

"Look, I'm sorry -"

"What were you thinking?"

Instead of breaking down, which is what I really want to do. I get angry. I drop the stupid sheet, because I've already exposed myself to him. I slip on my panties, then the wrinkled dress.

"Take me to that diner."

"You are crazy. There is no way." Dean almost laughs.

"Look...I need to talk to him," I try to drop the anger, but I cannot cry in front of him.

"Well, I'm not going. I don't feel like discussing how I fucked his girl all night!"

"I'm not HIS!" I pick up my shoes, I can't put them on, my feet have blisters, and the hot concrete is less painful than the way the shoes rubbing against the sore skin on my feet.

I walk the streets of Wildwood with a purpose, to get to this stupid diner. It's only four blocks.

I walk in, my eyes searching for him. "You need shoes," the hostess tells me as I spot Edward and Jane.

I ignore her, storming back to the table. "HEY! You have to put on your shoes!" The hostess continues to yell at me. I turn around and give her the finger, just as I reach the booth Edward is in.

"Bella," he shakes his head at me. "Just leave...don't make this any worse."

"No, not until you talk to me."

"The way you talked to me after Riley's accident? No. I need you go...I need time. Please don't make this worse."

The manager is behind me now, "Miss, we are going to have to ask you to leave,"

I turn back to him, drop my heels and painfully slip my feet inside the high heels, "Happy?" I smile tensely at him.

"No scenes," he warns, but I don't care.

"You say you love me...why doesn't your best friend even know who Bella is then? Why didn't you bother to tell your best friend who was hitting on me all night that I was yours? Are you ashamed? You didn't want to introduce your family to the teenager you feel in love with?" Angry fat tears roll down my face, and the manger is trying to pull me out of the diner. I try to shrug his hands off me, but he holds tighter.

"Hey - don't grab her like that," Edward stands up, taking my other arm and pulling me close to him. "We were just leaving," he says, pulling me outside. I hear Jane ask for the cheek.

When we get outside, he lets go of my arm. He runs his hand through his hair, "This -" he motions around, the scene I have created. People gawking, "I don't know why it took me so long to see how immature you are! I can't do this Bella! You asked me to give you space - that's what I was doing. And you fucked my best friend - to what spite me for doing what you asked? Of course you would have been happy to have me start shit at my sisters wedding, to claim you like some cave man in front of everyone! But Bella, this isn't high school! If you wanted me...all you had to do was come talk to me! I tried to talk to you! It was your move, and if your move was to excite jealousy inside me rather than swallowing your pride and coming to me, then I don't know what I'm doing with you! I was never ashamed of you Bella - not until now."

"Edward," I walk closer to him. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't going to work this time!" He yells, moving away from me. "Your tears use to break me...but right now I have no understanding or compassion for what you did."

I sink into the bench outside the diner, sobbing into my hands. He hates me. He isn't going to wait for me. Or be my friend. He won't be anything to me. Which is what I thought I wanted.

"I was so so fucking wrong."

"Apparently, so was I," Edward mumbles.

"So that's it? I really ruined it between us?"

"Yeah...I think you did."

"Hey, kiddo, where do you want to hang this?" Charlie asks, pulling me out of my stupor.

It's a picture of me and Edward, he's hugging me. One of those people on the boardwalk took it, we paid way too much for it. We are smiling so big, like almost on the verge of cracking up.

"Ah...Just put it in that drawer." I say, motioning to the desk.

I didn't tell my father what happened. It's one thing to say I love this guy and he loves me and we had sex...but there is no way I can say I got drunk and fucked his best friend while in some delusional assumption ridden idiot teenage behavior state of mind.

I start hanging up some of my clothes in the closet when the door to the room pushes open. I turn to see who I assume is my roommate walk through the door, dropping a large suitcase to the left of the door.

She is so pretty. She smiles huge at me, "Hey," her voice is unique, and welcoming. "I"m Jamie, you must be Bella!"

"Yeah, nice to meet you," I shake her hand. Her olive complexion makes me jealous, my tan all of a sudden feels fake...I wish my skin was as flawless as hers.

"Oh wow," she says, going straight for the closet and starts admiring a dress of mine, she moves her dark brown hair from the right side to the left, "This is amazing...and my size. We can totally share clothes...I have this one shirt that would look amazing on you," She says, eyeing my figure.

I'm not sure what to say, so I nod, then introduce her to my father. Her parents come in shortly, armed with boxes.

She has on a tiny white dress, with brown cowboy boots. One entire box is cowboy boots...and hats. She's from Memphis.

"Jersey girl? That's awesome. I love that show."

I laugh, "I hate it." I let her know shaking my head.

"I love your eyeliner," I tell her, of the thick black around her hazel eyes.

"I learned this awesome trick to get it like this, I can show you if you want."

"Yeah," I smile, happy I got a decent roommate.

UtB

Chicago, it's freezing. I have no idea how Jamie manages to look so cute all the time, but she does.

She let me borrow her cable knit knee high boots, they are so warm. I have on fingerless mittens, because it's easier to manage things like door knobs, plus they are cute.

We are walking to Starbucks to get coffee, she's like a sister to me. After three months, I'm gonna miss her so much over Thanksgiving weekend.

My arm is linked in her elbow, she always has me cracking me. When she gets mad, she breaks out and starts going off in Russian. Her mother is from the Ukraine. I love it when she tells off guys who get fresh with me or her at the few parties we have been too.

I even learned a few choice words myself.

"I love these boots," I tell her looking down.

"They are yours," she responds like she has twenty pairs.

"I can't take your boots!"

"You have seen how many pairs of boots I have right?"

We start to laugh, and I walk right into someone. "I'm so So -" I trail off, as I am met with a very familiar set of eyes, "..rry," I lose my voice at the end of the word.

My heart feels as if it is going to burst, and I have a lump in my throat, the coldness is gone and I feel like I am overheating, and I think I might throw up.

He stares at me, "Bella," he says evenly.

I can't speak. Jamie clears her throat. "The famous Edward," she holds out her hand, "I"m Jamie, Bella's roommate. You are even hotter in person." he shakes her hand and I shove her shoulder. She looks at me meekly, "Sorry."

"Well...have a nice Thanksgiving," he says, then starts walking away. No how are you...no invitation to talk. Nothing.

"Edward!" I call after him, turning around on the crowded street. He stops, I see his shoulders rise then slowly fall, but he doesn't turn around though.

I leave Jamie, holding up a finger asking her to give me a minute. I shove through a few people until I get to him.

I reach my hand out to his forearm, and coax him to face me. "I tried calling you..." I start when he turns around, his eyes trained to the sidewalk.

He looks up at me, "I never got a message."

"I didn't leave one," I admit. He nods. "How...how are you?" I ask him, desperate to keep him close.

"I'm good."

"I leave tomorrow for Wildwood. I was trying to work up the courage to come talk to you."

He runs his hand through his hair, and remains silent.

"Maybe...I don't know we can talk before I go...?" I ask him with all my courage.

"I don't think so," he scratches the back of his neck.

"Oh," I know my face falls.

"No one has ever hurt me as much as you did that night."

I look down, nodding, "I know...you can't imagine how sorry I am."

"It just doesn't change the damage that was created, Bella."

"Please...just give me a chance to explain," I chew my bottom lip, it takes all my strength to not cry.

"You slept with my best friend...as some way to punish me doing what you asked of me."

I wipe my cheeks, then feel Jamie's hand on my elbow. "B, lets go..." she says quietly. She has watched me cry so many nights over him.

"Yo, Edward! You coming?"

"Fuck," I mumble as Dean catches my eye. He is walking with a pretty blonde.

A pretty pregnant blonde. "Who are your friends, Edward?" she asks, her hand protectively over her small bump. My heart sinks, wondering if she is the reason Edward wasn't even remotely friendly towards me. If that is his baby.

"Michelle, this is Bella Swan, and Jamie?" he questions.

Jamie nods, "Bella, this is Dean's wife, Michelle." Deans wife...thank God. Deans Baby. It's not as if I feel any better, though.

I swallow back, "Nice to meet you," I have no idea if she knows about me...if Dean cheated on his pregnant wife with me...If I should pretend to not know Dean. I get nervous, why did he use my full name? Is this girl going to punch me because I fucked her husband?

"We should get going." I state backing away.

Dean is avoiding me, he won't say a word to me or even look at me.

I mumble happy thanksgiving to all of them, while Jamie pulls me away.

We skip Starbucks, Jamie walks us quickly back to our dorm, which is pretty much empty with everyone going home. I spurt off the million things going through my mind about Edward...Dean...his pregnant wife. All of them are questions, none of which Jamie can answer.

I pull out my cell phone, and call the only person that might answer them for me. Alice.

She answers, but tells me nothing. "Bella...you have to let go of all of this. It's not going to get Edward back, only time will tell if things can be repaired."

She does assure me, Dean and Michelle were recently married. That they were on a break during the wedding. But Michelle has no idea about me.

"So, I have some other exciting news," Alice begins, after calming me down as much as I could be.

"Oh?"

"Jasper and I are expecting!"

"Wow! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you guys." I am happy for them. It doesn't hurt like it use to.

I think I have finally found a way to accept my miscarriage.

"I bet Edward is really excited to become an uncle."

"Bella..." Alice warns, she has a new rule...no talking about Edward.

"Alice...I'm scared I lost him. I mean...look his best friend is having a baby - his little sister is having a baby, I mean what if he wants all that stuff and obviously he wants nothing to do with me, and he could meet someone who didn't lie and sleep with his best friend and he could start his life without me. Alice please, talk to him for me."

"Bella, I love you. I always thought that one day you and I would be sisters...but yeah...I would love to tell you it will all work out for you and my brother, but I can't honestly say that to you anymore."

"Do me one favor, please? And after that - I'll never ask you to get in the middle of Edward and I again."

I hear her sigh, I know she won't say no. And she doesn't. Within an hour, she is knocking on my dorm room door.

I've still been doing an art journal. All summer I did entries...since I've been here.

I had one page left...and while I waited for Alice I filled it for him. Most of it is my feelings for him.

The beginning shows how torn I was between my love for him, and my loyalty to Riley. It shows my happiness to have those few weeks with him over the summer.

Then the dreadful mistake I made with Dean...

How many mistakes I know I made. All the regrets I have.

My last quote to him;

Not even the mighty sky could fill the space you left behind

Not even when it rains.

No, nothing takes your place

Your emptiness too great to fill.

I hand Alice the book, my hand shaking. "He didn't want me to come here," she admits. "I can't promise he will look at this..."

"I know, Alice."

She hands me a small folded up piece of paper, "He did ask me to give you this."

I don't expect it to be anything that I want to hear...not with Alice saying he didn't want her to come here tonight.

I take it, even though I don't want to...I pray the words will change to ones I want to read.

I dread his goodbye.

Once Alice leaves, I sit in the middle of my bed, and unfold the paper.

I hear his voice in my mind as I read the words.

_Bella, _

_When I think of everything that has happened between us I am reminded of one of my favorite books. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. There is one part that says; "For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in your case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."_

_I can't promise you anything. I do wish you the best. Three months ago, if you asked me where I saw myself in a few years time, I would have said with you. I didn't say that, because I was afraid you'd freak out. In a few years...I don't know if you will be apart of my life. And I'm not sure what hurts more - thinking that, or you doing something you knew would hurt me._

_It's time to face the choice you made last year - to grow up without me. I'm sorry if you regret that now._

_Edward_

–

_**Sorry for the mix-up for those of you who know what I'm talking about.**_

_**Chapter 27 will be up soon.**_


	27. Chapter 27

**Sm Own - Amy and I just play. **

**Thanks so much to the Usual Suspects - Lynn Pepper and MyTwoGalsPal **

**Chapter 27: Moving Forward**

BPOV

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I'm officially home for fall break. I flew in from Chicago this morning for the long weekend.

Mom and Phil pick me up from the airport and I'm immediately greeted by Phil's warm laughter and a quick hug. "Look at you, little miss college student," he teases. I return his smile as he hands me off to my mom.

"Oh, baby." Renee says, wrapping me in her arms.

"Missed you too, mom." I whisper before she releases me.

I've missed my whole family, including Rose and Emmett, but I especially missed Cayden. It's killing me that I've only seen him twice so I can't wait to get back to the motel and spend some quality time getting to know the little guy. That reason alone has me collecting my luggage so we can get out of here quickly.

As we drive back to the motel I'm bombarded with memories of my life in Wildwood, both good and bad. Maybe I should amend that to fantastic and horrible as I never seem to do anything halfway. Regardless, the feelings are bittersweet.

When we reach the motel I race in and immediately throw my bags down. Rose and Em are there but instead of greeting them I rush straight toward Cayden's playpen. I can't help but smile as he grabs my finger in his tiny hand and holds tight. His eyes are already an icy shade of blue and he has Emmett's dimples. His hair is a light brown but if the light hits it just right it almost looks blonde. I would say he's beautiful, but that would be wrong. He's actually perfect. I lean down to kiss his little forehead and inhale his sweet baby smell.

I'm suddenly hit by memories and feelings I want no part of today, well any day really. I've been trying not to think of Edward's letter or our baby but those thoughts are never far from the back of my mind. They usually revolve around the fact that our baby would be here by now and they make me question if his arrival would have made the three of us a family. The idea is too painful so I force it back down, just like I always do, and focus on anything and everything else until I numb myself from any actual feelings.

"Look at that Rosie. You'd think we were chopped liver compared to our son," Emmett mumbles from behind me. I look over my shoulder to see that even though my brother sounds grumpy his eyes are full of mischief.

I turn back to the baby and say, "More like ground chuck to his filet mignon," with a straight face. Just as Emmett gasps in mock offence I turn around suddenly and give him the tightest hug I can manage. "Hey, Emmie," I offer in greeting. Despite our differences, Em and I are still close. Being away makes me realize how much I miss his over-protectiveness and his general madness.

"Missed you, kid."

I turn to Rose for a hug, too, before we sit down and talk for a while. We chat about everything that's been going on in my life since I left. Well, except for the parts I hide because I don't even want to think about them.

"Sounds like college has been good to you." I shrug noncommittally. Let her take that however she wants.

"Finals are scaring me a bit but I think I'll do okay."

"You even act more grown up," she says. A year ago, there would have been judgment in her eyes over some of the things I share with her. There's not a trace now, so I know she must mean it.

"When was the last time you talked to Jessica?" Emmett asks out of the blue.

"It's been awhile," I admit. "Probably a month. Why?"

"Well...I guess it's been about that long since she started messing around with Lucas over there at Mango."

"No way! I thought he was back together with Ms. Remy!" I gasp.

"Can we not talk about that," Rose states. Em and I shut up about the matter but I make a mental note to make time to see her while I'm back.

Rose pulls out her phone and opens up a file labeled "Momma's Big Boy" and hands it to me. I start flipping through the pictures of my sweet nephew. Have I mentioned how perfect he is? I hate that I am missing so much of his growth. I have already seen some of the picture as Rose is good about sending me photos so I don't miss everything. As she explains some of the pictures, Emmett places Cayden in her arms so she can nurse. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but I'm even more uncomfortable when I find a picture of Edward holding my nephew.

"When was this?" I ask quietly. Rose looks over and offers a hesitant smile.

"About a week ago."

"Oh..." is all I can manage to say. Seeing Edward with a baby gives me goose bumps and I'm incredibly turned on. Crazy, I know, but I still want him so much it hurts.

"Once Emmett got over everything they kind of hit it off. He works constantly and is never in town on the weekends so it's not like we hang out much."

"Where does he go?" I ask with a hint of demand in my voice. As if I have a right to know anything about his life. I remind myself this is the way I want it before I get too far along the self pity highway.

Rose places a gentle hand on my arm. "Bella, keep doing what you are doing. Trust me when I tell you that you've lost him," she says firmly but lovingly.

"He has a girlfriend?" I must be a glutton for punishment but I have to ask.

"I don't know what they're calling it, but he goes to Philadelphia every weekend to see Jane...and...Bella -" I know Rose wants to tell me something that she thinks will hurt me.

"Just say it. Please, Rose," I plead.

"I told Emmett I was ready to leave Cayden so we could go out for the night about three weeks ago. Emmett called Edward...and we made plans to get dinner in AC and have a fun night out. Edward introduced us to Jane as one of his "best friends." Anyway, after several drinks Jane and Edward acted like more than friends. I overheard Emmett ask Edward why he wasn't hitting that. Edward's speech was pretty slurred but he admitted that he did hit that - every weekend when he drove to Philly to stay with her."

I feel like my heart has completely shattered. I swallow my hurt and gather the strength to respond to Rose. I look back at the phone screen, hoping to look like I don't care too much, and with a small shrug I say, "Well...he can do whatever he wants, right? I screwed up, just like he said I did. Of course he would move on."

"Bella," Rose says tentatively. "I'm really sorry. I hate to see you hurting."

I try to smile and shake my head but I can't look her in the eye. "It's fine. I'm fine."

I quickly get off the couch, pick up my bags and take them into my room. Unfortunately, not even that can be a safe place. I'm immediately flooded with memories of another man, one that I hurt just as badly. I see myself on my bed with Riley as we fool around, laugh, and just hold each other. Then I see Riley and so much blood. Me in the hospital. Blood again and Riley in the hospital this time. So many memories of things I fight to forget, but struggle to remember. They're all a part of who I am...no matter how painful they are.

No regrets.

Before the guilt, tears, and hurt can overwhelm me I pull out a canvas and begin to paint. I don't want to feel or think, just get lost in the motions. By the time the buzzing of my phone breaks me from my trance, I've already painted half of a picture.

"Stop it," my friend and roommate Jamie says as I answer the phone. She knows exactly what I'm doing to myself from hundreds of miles away. I can't believe we have become such great friends in such a short amount of time. She just gets me.

We talk about everything that's been going on since we left each other. I brag to her about how perfect Cayden is. She tells me she's ready to get away from her crazy family even though she just got there. I tell her how Emmett made fun of the cowboy boots I stole from her and am wearing over skinny jeans today. I also tell her I found out that Edward has moved on with Jane and that's why he was so short with me when we ran into him in Chicago. We talk for a while, and I finally let her go when there's a knock on my door.

The door opens and Mom peeks in. "Hey, baby. I hate to disturb you but do you think you could run and get some things for me? I'd ask Em but he's helping Rose with the baby."

I hop up and walk toward her. "Sure, Mom. No problem." She smiles, and hands me a list. I read over it and laugh. "It's Thanksgiving, Mom. How could you forget gravy?" I joke, playfully bumping her shoulder.

"I thought I had more than I did," she says sheepishly.

This errand is just what I needed to distract me from the funk I was spiraling into. I grab my coat and keys but I stop before I open the door to take another look at my brother with his son. It makes my heart swell to see Emmett kiss his nose and call Cayden his 'little bear'.

Fifteen minutes later the trip did just what it was supposed to do…clear my head. It's so empty, in fact, that I don't even notice the person walking toward me on the sidewalk until I bump into him.

"Bella?" Riley's familiar voice asks in disbelief.

I look up into his brown eyes and feel a lump rise in my throat. I cough to clear it away before I squeak out a pathetic 'hi'. Then I wait for a sign of what he's feeling...anger, hurt, pity...to cross his face. It's the last thing in the world I expect when he offers me a genuine smile and pulls me into a hug. He breaks away and looks me over thoroughly, but not sexually. "You look good. Like an artist...with country flair," he chuckles taking in my boots.

I appreciate the gesture but I really don't look good these days. Isn't that what you say in situations like this though?

_You look good._

_It's so nice to see you._

_You look happy._

Total bullshit things to avoid drama.

He, on the other hand, does look good. Of course, he always has. The only difference is that there's a scar over one of his eyebrows, and it makes him look…edgier? Tougher maybe.

"So you're talking to me?" The question comes out much harsher than I meant for it to be.

"I, uh…Bell," I flinch at the use of his nickname for me, "would it be okay if we got together and talked?" he asks as he toes a rock with his shoe.

"Hey, baby! I found it!" another familiar voice yells causing Riley to turn in its direction.

Kelsey.

She walks toward him and her smile fades when she recognizes me. I'm not surprise. I knew she had a thing for him all along.

"Hey, Kelsey," I greet.

"Bella." Her arms slide around Riley's waist, staking her claim.

"Go check out, babe. I'll be right there," Riley encourages. Kelsey looks back between us and then walks off with a sigh.

"Kelsey Barrows, huh?" I ask, folding my arms over my chest.

He shrugs. "Maybe I settled. It was just convenient..." He stops abruptly and puts his hand to his forehead as if he can't believe he just said that out loud. "God, I know how bad that sounds..."

"I get it," I interrupt.

He stands in front of me without saying anything for a moment. Then he takes a deep breath before asking, "Would it be okay if I come over later...to talk?"

"Don't you want to spend time with your girlfriend?" I ask, seeing the irony in the situation.

"Okay, it makes me a hypocrite, but we have to talk."

I can see the sincerity in his eyes so I nod and answer, "I know. Come over whenever you want. Renee would love to see you…unless you don't want her to," I add as an afterthought.

He grins and says, "Yeah. Seeing her would be nice," before we go our separate ways.

UtB

As we do prep work for tomorrow's dinner I share the news of my visit with Mom and Rose. "So...I ran into Riley and his new girlfriend Kelsey." They both watch my reactions carefully; as if they're afraid I will implode at any moment. "Um…he's coming over some time later to talk."

Renee looks like she's about to start bouncing in excitement. I did say talk, not propose, right? "Oh, Bella, I'm so happy! Better late than never I guess." She turns back to her work and adds, "I have missed that boy," almost as if she's talking to herself.

Within the hour there's a knock on the door. By the time I get there Emmett has already invited Riley in.

"Hey," he says, offering me a smile I haven't seen in the longest time. Renee runs into the room and practically knocks the boy over trying to hug him. Once all the grown-ups have said hello I introduce him to Cayden. When I ask Riley if he wants to hold the baby he's very unsure. Within minutes he looks like an old pro. Renee gushes over their combined cuteness and snaps a few pictures. Riley is mesmerized by the baby in his arms and won't even look up at the camera.

Once we have spent enough time with the rest of the family I lead him out to the pool where we sit under the plastic tree. It's a great place for a heart-to-heart and a spot we have used many times over the years. We just bask in the quite after the chaos from inside.

"How have you been?" he finally asks softly.

"I've been good…busy though."

He nods and looks off into the empty pool "Yeah..."

We're both quiet for a moment before the uncomfortable silence starts to bother me and I blurt out, "So why now? Why after I begged you to talk to me for weeks do you decide it's time," I do the math in my head, "four months later?"

"I...You're..." he stutters then covers his face with both hands for just a second before looking directly at me. "You were my best friend. I couldn't stay mad at you forever," he admits hesitantly.

"Yes, you could. And I deserve it."

"You did deserve it. Past tense, though," he says.

I chuckle humorlessly at how easy he makes it sound. "So how have you been?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

He raises his eyebrows as he says, "Busy. Besides school, Dad made me get a job to help pay off my new car."

"Oh…my…god. Riley Biers has to work!" I laugh as he pushes my shoulder.

"Yeah, laugh it up. Did you know there are like eighty thousand ways to make coffee and none of them were easy to learn?" he teases.

When our laughter dies down I cock my head toward him and I ask, "You're happy though? With Kelsey? I'd say I'm surprised but..." Not so much. Figures she'd make a move on him as soon as I was gone.

"Yeah, it was kind of surprising to me. It's good though. It's nice to know someone from home in such a big city…and she likes me. A lot," he adds, waggling his brows.

"And Cam. How's he doing?"

"He proposed to Addie. They're planning a big wedding for next August."

"Wow." Now that does surprise me. "Who would have thought he'd settle down?"

Riley laughs. "It took him a while, but she's good for him. Enough about me, though. How's Chicago, really? You livin' it up?"

Now I laugh and shake my head. "No, I've actually been keeping to myself lately. Just me and my school work. No boys means less drama."

Riley looks at me with narrowed eyes. "Not even Mr. Cullen?" he asks skeptically.

Especially Mister Cullen, I think to myself as I reach down and play with a loose thread on my jacket. "Ri, there's no justifying it, but that night really was the first time all summer. It's been hard for me these past few months, dealing with the fact that I hurt two of the most important people in my life in a matter of weeks...and only one of them has forgiven me so far."

His eyes soften, but if he knows how much it hurts to admit to all of this he doesn't acknowledge it. There are no words of encouragement or insults regarding how the guy is a jerk. Instead he changes the subject, and just like that, I have my Riley back.

We continue to talk about nothing in particular for a while, just enjoying the company. Until Kelsey starts blowing up Riley's phone, that is. He ignores the first six calls. I finally encourage him to answer the damned thing. "You better get that. You're not mine anymore. I can't keep you to myself all day," I tell him with a halfhearted smile.

He answers but it sounds like he can barely get a word in edgewise. "Kels...I'll be there to get you within an hour...Don't start that please...You know it's never going to be like that again...Promise. Love you," I watch him smile as he says those words to her and hangs up. "Sorry," he apologizes.

"For what?" I ask with a shrug. "I'm happy if you're happy, Ri."

And it's the truth. It didn't hurt to hear him say those things to his girlfriend. I really just want to be his friend Bella.

UtB

The break flies by and before I know it I'm back in Chicago looking for Jamie in the crowded airport. I never did make contact with Jessica. She must really be wrapped up in Lucas. I did spend lots of time with my family and got to begin rebuilding my friendship with Riley. I'd say the trip was a definite win.

Thank goodness I put my bags on the floor so it was easier to look around for Jamie. Just as I spot her I realize she's going to tackle hug me. I have two seconds to think to myself 'this is gonna hurt' before it actually does.

"I missed you!" she screeches with her arms around my neck. I laugh at the looks everyone gives us, especially when she blurts, "Come on, hot stuff! Let's go," and smacks me on the butt.

I pick up my bags, turn, and quickly start walking to keep up with her. This time, someone runs into me. We both stumble backwards and the force of the impact.

"Fu..." the person grunts. "Bella?" a voice asks in shock. I look up to see the face of Gage. Gage from the art show. Gage who I thought was cute but out of my league. Gage who I flirted with anyway.

His hair is longer now, and brown again. He stands with his weight on one leg and a look of aggravation on his face and asks, "What kind of person accepts a friend request and then never talks to that friend?" Before I can do anything but look back in shock he cracks a smile.

"A horrible one?" I ask timidly. "You're the one who wanted to be my friend and you haven't said anything either." I really should stop talking. I have no idea what I'm saying but I'm sure it sounds lame.

He narrows his eyes, shakes a finger at me and says, "You lied to me."

I raise an eyebrow. "Did I?"

"You're not twenty-one. And that Edwin guy you were with...he was definitely older."

"Yeah...I never actually said I was twenty- one and this is so not the place to talk about this." I hope he drops it.

"Fine. Meet me somewhere we can talk about it. Where are you staying?"

"Chicago Art Institute." I answer before automatically and internally cringe. So much for no boys, but he makes me curious. And my god, his smile makes my stomach flutter. Besides, it's not as if Edward is living the celibate life style. This is what I wanted right? New experiences with new people. People who are different and who challenge me.

"Oh? You're going to school here?" he asks, grabbing my bags. "That's great," he adds as he starts walking away, still holding my bags.

"Wait!" I yell in surprise. I call back for Jamie and then try to catch up with Gage. I finally reach him, out of breath, and ask, "What are you doing?"

"Givin' a girl a ride," he says as if I'm should have been able to figure that out on my own. Then he leans down so he can look at me eye to eye and states, "I let you walk away from me once, Bella. That ain't happening again."

The glass doors open in front of us and Gage smirks before turning his head to find the black limo waiting for him just outside. A man in a suit steps out of the car and takes my bags.

"But my roommate is with me," I explain, pointing over my shoulder at Jamie. "I can't just..."

"Tony, please get that young ladies bags as well," Gage interrupts, indicating Jamie. Tony opens the back door to the limo, and Gage waves his hand in that direction, motioning for me to get in.

As calm and cool as I usually am, Gages confidence has me flustered. "This is very nice but really, you don't have to go out of your way for us."

"Really, I'm not. I just bought some studio space in that area, Bella. We're already headed that direction," he announces with a shoulder shrug.

I can't think of any more good arguments so I wave Jamie over and we get in the limo. Gage steps in, sits beside me, and then Tony closes the door behind him.

Suddenly Gage seems shy and unsure of himself. "Uh, you didn't have plans or anything, right? I hope it's okay..."

"Nope, it's fine." Jamie shots me the stink eye because she knows I did have plans. I need to unpack and I could use some sleep before classes start tomorrow. I shoot her a 'drop it' look. She shakes her head at me.

"Well, I do have stuff to do," Jamie insists.

"No problem. We can drop you off wherever you want," Gage tells her.

When we drop Jamie off, she hugs me and whispers, "You are so lucky he's hot and that I love you," in my ear.

"I know," I whisper back. We share a smile before she exits the car. Gage's driver takes her bags up, then returns for mine even though I'm staying with him.

From there we head to a local coffee shop. Gage buys me coffee and we sit and talk comfortably. I ask him about his art and what he does when he's not painting.

"The art doesn't leave a lot of time for much else. I'm actually trying to settle here. It's hard though, since I travel a lot. I was in New York the past year but it was too big for me. See, I'm a small town boy."

"And where is home?"

"Little town in Utah. You may have heard of it before. It's called Park City," he answers with a laugh.

"Like home to the Sundance film festivals and stuff?" I ask.

"Yeah. That's kinda how I was discovered. My mom said we should hang some of my art work up in her shop, which is like the center of everything, during one of the festivals. Some famous director saw my work and the rest is history."

"I'm impressed. What director?"

"Does it matter?" he asks with a grin.

"I guess not." I shake my head and take a small sip of the hot coffee. I look up at him from the corner of my eye, and he catches me. We both start to laugh.

When we finally have control of our laughter he looks down at the table, then looks back at me almost bashfully, and says, "You have the best smile."

"Thanks." I take the compliment without issue but focus my gaze on my coffee cup as I answer.

Gage sits thoughtfully then crooks his finger, asking me to lean in as if he is about to tell me a secret. "If I stole a kiss," he pauses to lick his lips, then continues, "I wouldn't get punched in the face or chased down by some big scary boyfriend, would I?"

"Possibly," I answer with a slow nod. Other than that I leave the situation purposely vague. I enjoy being around him but I still don't want the complications of a 'boyfriend' in my life right now. Friends are great. Anything more than that and I'm running for the hills.

"Which one?" he asks.

His question makes me smile. I have to admit that I like his moxie. "Weighing the risk versus the reward?"

"I think I could take the big scary boyfriend. I'm not so sure I could take the girl with the beautiful smile punching me in the face."

I sigh before admitting, "I don't have a boyfriend...and I'm not looking for one."

"Well, that's great because we are friends. Facebook says so," he teases with an adorably innocent look.

"Well, if it's on Facebook…" I state in mock seriousness.

"It must be true," he chimes in after me, making us both laugh.

"Must be." I speak in barely a whisper after my laughter has died off.

Gage walks me back to my dorm because, he says, he gets to spend more time with me that way. I actually prefer the walk to the limo and the attention it draws anyway. When we reach my building he shakes my hand and says he will catch me on Facebook so we can make plans to hang out again - as friends.

I agree…and check my wall every day to see if he's posted anything for me on that stupid social network.

On day seven, I'm sure this will be the day. It's not. I proceed to think the same thing for the next three days, before I finally give up. I decide not to log on for two days, just so I don't feel quite so pathetic, and wouldn't you know there is a two day old message waiting for me. I decide there's no need to make him sweat it out because we are just friends. I immediately respond and invite him over to hang out. He does come over and then never really leaves. From that day forward he, Jamie and I become three peas in a pod.

**EPOV**

"Please," she begs with pouty lips, while batting her eyelashes, and tucking her chin toward her chest.

I place my index finger under her chin and pull it back up, look at her as if I'm about to give in, and simply say, "No." She laughs, which totally blows the authenticity of her act, and swats my hand away.

"Why not?" she asks, following me out to the patio at my parents' house.

"It's a date. What's our number one rule? No dates."

"It's strictly platonic, Edward," she says while rolling her eyes. "This is huge event and I can't show up alone. I can take you, my dearest friend in the world, and have a great time, or I can find 'a date'," she says with air quotes, "and be consumed with worry the whole evening about whether or not the date is going well. Besides, it's not like I'm asking you to pretend to be my boyfriend. I'm only asking you to go out and have a great evening with a friend."

She pops a baby carrot in her mouth and starts crunching obnoxiously. Her argument is sound, even though I'd love to tell her no, and the smile on her face that tells me there is no use in arguing anymore.

"Kennedy will be there, too. I think you'd really like her," she adds in a sing-song voice.

Does she really think that will sway my decision? "No, no, no. I do not want to be fixed-up, Jane. Are we clear?"

"Crystal. I don't know what I was thinking by making that suggestion anyway. I'm totally diggin' our arrangement." She emphasizes the word 'arrangement' with a sultry smile.

I scan the area to make sure no one is around then stalk toward her. She backs up against the stone wall of the house to get away from me but we both know it's just for show. I place one hand on the wall by her head and lean in as close to her as I can to whisper, "I'm enjoying it as well," while slowly dragging my other hand down her side and finally groping her ass. "So I have to go to this stuffy charity event so you can look good at work. I'm wondering what's in it for me?" I ask as I press my body against hers.

"What do you want?" she retorts.

The two of us sound like business associates hashing out the latest contract. It may be a bit unconventional but we're adults and we're both having fun. Plus, after many years of being in one relationship after another it feels good to know my actions are not going to make or break this woman. I'm not responsible for her happiness nor is she responsible for mine. It's a completely selfish partnership in which neither of us compromise for the other. That is usually what makes relationships so hard.

The best part of all of this is that she's my best friend again. I do care about her and I am attracted to her but if I don't call her back at the end of the day or get busy and don't talk to her for a week - I don't get bitched at. Whoever said this shit doesn't work clearly didn't try it with the right person, because it's a thing of beauty.

"Let me think. What do I want?" I mock, trying to hide a smile.

"Fine, you can have it," she relents with a sigh.

My cock is rock hard at the thought. She knows this and I can tell she thinks it's funny because there is nothing to do about it right now. She knows it's a fair trade and she also knows that giving in this second will cause me to walk around uncomfortably, stiff as a board, for the next ten to twenty minutes, maybe longer if she chooses to keep teasing me.

"I'm gonna have to sneak your cute ass upstairs if you don't knock it off," I warn.

"Is that a threat or a promise?" she asks breathily.

"Promise." The word isn't even completely out of my mouth as I crash my lips into hers, searching out her tongue with mine as I press against her tiny body harder.

"Ouch," she says. I can tell it's a good ouch by the moan that follows immediately afterward.

"Ed…ward..." Alice interrupts, her words faltering in surprise as Jane and I quickly break apart. My sister looks between us without saying a word. A mixture of hurt and happiness cross her features as Jane stares at the ground and I think about gross things in order to deflate the tent in my pants.

The silence is deafening so I finally clear my throat and ask, "What's up, Allie?" hoping to drop everything and avoid an explanation all together.

"Dad is ready to cut the turkey," she mumbles, turning to go back inside. I know she is hurt by our secretiveness. She just caught her best friend and her brother in the middle of a grope-fest and neither one of us volunteered any information. It's not as if Jane and I want anyone to know about this anyway. There really is no 'us' to explain. We are just friends...who happen to fuck occasionally.

"Great. She will hate me now," Jane moans as she walks past me. I hesitate briefly then follow her in. When I reach the table there is only one seat left. It just so happens to be next to Jane...and across from Alice.

"Finally tracked them down, Alice? It's just like old times," my dad teases good-naturedly as I sit down.

Jane's parents came over for dinner tonight also. Our families have been very close for the past fifteen years. Unfortunately I missed much of that together time since I went away for college. I got swept up in Kate's family and kind of ignored my own. Kate always thought it was more important to spend holidays with them than it was to spend them with my family.

Alice glares at us a several times over the course of dinner, making things very tense. Jane is quiet and I'm trying to hide my uneasiness over the fact that Alice obviously isn't going to give up until she finds out exactly what she saw even though I use what few glances we have at the table to beg her to drop it.

I excuse myself as quickly as I can once I've finished eating. I don't want to be rude but I have to get out of here. If I was a smoker I'd definitely light one up right about now. Instead I grab a beer out of the fridge and make my way into the den to catch the football game.

I'm enjoying the peace and quiet of being by myself until my phone buzzes against my thigh. I bring it out of my pocket to find a text from Dean and I extend an invitation for him and Michelle to stop by for some pie. Dean quickly replies that Michelle can't say no to free pie.

I am really happy for both of them and so relieved that his night with Bella didn't keep them from working things out. Dean is excited about being a father and Michelle said she feels as if the weight of the world has been lifted off her shoulders. She has no clue how to get in touch with the sperm donor. Doesn't even know what his last name is. It doesn't matter because Dean already loves the baby as if it's his own.

I'm lost in my thoughts when I feel the couch cushions sag and turn to see Jasper staring at me. I'm not sure if he is here for himself or if Alice sent him on a recon mission. I shake my head and take another sip of beer.

"Alice won't tell me what's going on," he states.

"And you think I will?" I question, raising my eyebrow in confusion.

"No, I know you will," he says with no doubt.

I sigh heavily before diving in. "She caught Jane and me kissing outside," I whisper.

"No shit! So you and Jane..." he shrugs with a confused look on his face. "I don't get why that is such a secret?"

I scratch the back of my head, "Because there is no Jane and me. There is Jane and there is me. We are friends -"

"Who fuck," Jasper finishes for me, a bit too loudly for my comfort.

I shove his arm, "What the fuck, dude!" I warn him in a whisper yell. "It's no one else's business. Alice may think she's entitled to know all these private details of our lives but she isn't."

Jasper raises his hands in surrender. He doesn't want to get in the middle of anything. Unfortunately, he usually ends up there anyway.

"The truth is we understand each other and we're comfortable with each other. Neither one of us wants to be tied down to someone right now, but this way we both get what we need. It's just no one's business but ours and I don't appreciate having to air this shit out to you or my sister."

Jasper just shakes his head, turns toward the television, and drops the subject.

UtB

Jane basically disappears after dinner. I feel like she is avoiding me or possibly avoiding everyone in general since I can't seem to find her anywhere. I finally notice a light shining underneath the basement door. I open the door and call down for her as I start down the steps. Once I'm far enough down the stairs I notice her sitting on the couch, head bowed, clutching her cell phone.

"Everything okay, Jane?" I ask, shoving my hands in my back pockets as I walk toward the couch. She looks up at me with puffy, red eyes. I can't stand it when girls cry, and I'm upset that it might have to do with the compromising position Alice found us in. Will she decide it's not worth continuing out arrangement?

"I'm sorry about earlier," I offer.

She shakes her head, "No, no...that's not the problem. It's Brendan," she admits, looking back down at the phone.

"Did he call you?" I ask, sitting down next to her.

"No. I called him, masochist that I am. I got 'Janie, baby...I'd love nothing more than to come see you while you're in Chicago, but you and I know you won't stay...and I'm with my girlfriend at her folk's house,'" she finishes in a mock male voice before breaking into cynical laughter. I hate seeing her like this. Her blue eyes meet mine and I can actually see the rant building inside of her. Suddenly she throws her hands in the air in frustration and spouts out, "What am I supposed to do? Does he really expect me to give up everything I have accomplished just for him? I mean...I know he loves me but…" She loses her steam and trails off.

"Men can be cowards when it comes to love," I admit, hoping to offer her some kind of comfort.

"I wanna…I don't know…go wait outside his place until he comes home. And I could care less if she's with him," Jane adds as she angrily swipes at the tears running down her cheeks.

I pull her into a hug and let her cry on my shoulder. I'd like to kick Brendan right in his ten thousand dollar smile for being such an idiot. Why else would he let her get away rather than take a chance and put in the effort to make things work?

After her crying has stopped and she's composed herself again she pulls away from me just far enough to look at my face. "Anyone know you came down here?"

"Uh…I don't think so."

"Good," she says as she stands up and starts shedding her clothes. "Let's see what this couch is made of."

Who am I to argue with that?

UtB

It's hot and muggy at the school's indoor pool. After classes I changed into red sweat shorts, Adidas slides, and a black t-shirt for swim practice, trying to beat the heat. As I blow the whistle to get the girls started on a series of laps I notice Abby, one of my students, walk in and take a seat in the bleachers. She waves at me with a big smile.

I hand Becca, the team manager, the timer and ask her to excuse me for a minute

"Sure," she says with a smile.

I walk to the bleachers and take a seat next to Abby. "Hey, Abby. Is there something I can do for you?"

"Well, I spoke to Ms. Remy and she thinks it would be a good idea for me to get involved in things...like sports or clubs or whatever. I thought maybe I could join the swim team?" Her statement sounds more like a question.

I shake my head. "We are over a month into it and the season ends in February. Maybe you should think about a spring sport."

"I just...I need stuff to put on my college applications. I guess I waited too long," she says with a shake of her head.

"I'm sorry. What about the winter play? You could still try out for that since auditions are open through tomorrow."

"Yeah, I guess." She nods but I can tell how disappointed she is.

After a moment of thought she perks up and suggests, "What about the Art Club? Since no one's running it right now I could even be the president. That would look great."

I sigh in defeat. I really didn't want to sponsor another club but it's hard to say no to that kind of excitement. "Here's the deal. If you can find five members, I'll make time for the club."

"Oh my god! Really?" she squeals with a huge smile stretched across her face. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Mr. Cullen!" She is so excited she leans over and hugs me. I'm completely taken off guard by the gesture so I pat her back with one arm. Her face is beaming when she pulls away. "I won't disappoint you. I promise," she calls as she runs off.

The next day there are fliers all over the school announcing the new art club which Abby is evidently calling "The Fine Line Club". There's also a signup sheet outside the art room door. I have to chuckle at the overkill, but am impressed that three people have already signed up.

UtB

While I'm sitting at my desk after school Liv walks in. Without any kind of greeting she says, "I thought you weren't doing the art club this year." A glance at the clock tells me it's four thirty, which means auditions for the play probably just ended. I assume she's only asking about the art club because that would mean she gets set designers.

"Hello, Liv. Abby said she was interested so I told her if she found at least five people then I'd make time for it. She tried to join the swim team first though, so I guess your talk about extracurricular activities really struck a chord with her."

Liv walks into the classroom, her brows furrowed. "Ah...we didn't talk about getting involved in after school activities."

"Really?" I question, my confusion matching hers.

"No. Not at all," she states then begins to laugh.

"Why is this so amusing? What did you talk about?"

"How she might get the guy she likes to notice her." I can tell she's trying to control her laughter for my benefit but she's failing miserably.

"Of course," I mutter as I prop my elbows on my desk and place my head in my hands. All I can think is 'why me?'

"Don't worry." Liv attempts to dismiss my concern with a wave of her hand. "I went through the same thing with the boys when I started working here. You just have to..."

"I can't do this," I mumble because I really don't want to discuss this with her anymore. Then so she can hear me clearly I state, "I know what I have to do, it's just not that easy to handle."

"I'm sure you don't want to crush the girls self esteem or lead her on in any way…wait, maybe that is what you want to do."

I look at her in utter shock. "Seriously? Are you going to start with the name calling next?"

"Low blow. Sorry." She actually looks like the apology is sincere but I shake my head at her pettiness regardless. "I'm just... you might want to be careful, Edward. Everyone knows about you and Bella Swan so they may draw conclusions about you and other young women."

I must look like I have no idea what she's talking about so she rolls her eyes and elaborates. "Oh, come on. You flaunted Bella in front of Marcus. Riley Biers made a huge scene at the hospital after his accident and your name was mentioned. Wait," she pauses. "Why don't you know about this?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I guess because no one asks me about it, they just whisper about it behind my back. Care to fill me in?"

Liv sighs dramatically, shuts my classroom door, then walks over to sit on top of the desk in front of mine and crosses her legs. "Riley flipped out at Bella in the hospital… brought up a lot of things about her past. About you." She leans forward to emphasize that last part. "He wasn't exactly discreet either. My girlfriend, Bobbi, was his nurse that night so she told me all about it. His parents overheard...actually pretty much the whole floor overheard. Bella left in tears and when his mother stopped her with some snide comment Bella evidently freaked out."

"Fuck," I mumble, running my hand through my hair. "Sounds like her."

Liv nods, agreeing with me. "Plus, other students saw you out this past summer. Then whatever was keeping that girl from Wildwood Catholic quiet all year must not matter because she started yapping away about you and Bella. Riley's mom came to the school and asked that the board conduct an investigation into your conduct with the students."

Holy shit! How is it possible that all this is going on and I know nothing about if? Liv continues her explanation, almost as if she can read the questions in my mind.

"Marcus told Mrs. Biers that if Bella Swan wanted to come and confess that the relationship began while she was still a student then he would do what he needed to do. Of course, Bella would never do that but Mrs. Biers never even bothered to ask her anyway. Her other option was to find proof."

I take a minute to work through all the information Liv is sharing. "So...everyone knows about my relationship with Bella and everyone suspects it started prior to graduation."

"Yeah. And me? All I get is pity because we were together during that time. Then to catch Lucas screwing Jessica Stanley…boy, everyone wants to live my life," she finishes sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest.

I close my eyes and shake my head. "Wow. Jessica Stanley? I'm so sorry, Liv."

"Thanks," she replies with dark chuckle. "I'm just wondering if I will ever find someone I can have a healthy relationship with. Someone who will see me and realize I'm all they need. Why is it I'm never enough?"

"Honestly, you're too good for Lucas...and you know we forced our relationship."

"Do you think things could be different between us now?" she asks, looking down at the floor shyly.

I don't want to tell her no but I can't tell her yes either. "The only way it could work is if it just happened naturally. It can't be us forcing the issue because we think it's what we need or are supposed to be doing."

She nods slowly before looking back up at me. "I really hope no one finds anything because that would be awful in terms of your career. I don't know if Mrs. Biers is still looking or if she let it go, but you need to be extra careful with these girls, Edward. So many of them have crushes on you and now they think you're fair game because you had a relationship with Bella Swan. And just because you fend them off doesn't mean you're safe. I don't want someone like Abby to get her heart crushed and then make up lies to get back at you."

I can't believe this but Liv is right. If I'm not careful I could have a big mess unfold in my lap. "Thanks Liv. I appreciate the heads up. I'm actually concerned that Marcus didn't inform me of Mrs. Biers's accusations."

"He didn't tell you because there is nothing to tell. She has no proof and I bet she has long forgotten about it," she attempts to reassure me.

Our conversation is interrupted by a knock on the closed door. I hop up to open it, praying Abby isn't standing on the other side. I'm pleasantly surprised to find Jane's smiling face waiting for me.

"Hey," she purrs, using my tie to pull me closer so she can plant a kiss on my lips. I pull back quickly so the kiss ends up being only a peck. "What's wrong?" she asks, walking into my art room. When she notices Liv she stops dead in her tracks and says, "Oh."

I step in to make introductions. "Liv Remy this is Jane -"

"Reynolds, yeah. I've seen you on the news." Liv extends her hand to Jane.

"Nice to meet you," Jane greets and accepts the handshake.

"How do you know Edward?" Liv asks politely.

"We went to high school together. I just moved to Philly for my new job and even though Edward's a good hour and half away it's still nice not to feel like I'm all alone."

"Edward is very good at making woman feel comfortable," Liv retorts, emphasizing the last word and looking at me with a less than genuine smile before she returns her attention to Jane.

"Oh, Edward and I aren't attached," Jane corrects in her friendliest voice. However, then she shoots me a sideway glance that clearly expresses 'what the fuck is this broad's problem?' I only offer the smallest shake of my head as an answer.

"See, Jane doesn't have a problem with causal," I dig at Liv. "She can handle the lack of labels."

Liv huffs before sniping, "I guess some girls just don't care if they're being used."

Jane steps toward Liv, standing just inches from her face. "Excuse me? I'm not being used. I get just as much out of this as he does."

"Whoa, ladies." I put my hand between them, pushing Jane back a little. I've never seen Jane get like this. In high school she would have run away crying if anyone said mean things about her.

"No, excuse me for having self respect and refusing to fuck guys causally," Liv spits back, trying to get back in Jane's face.

I can't believe I'm trying to divert a cat fight between two supposed adults right in the middle of my classroom. "Liv, I need you to leave."

Liv crosses her arms over her chest defensively and glares at me. "Are you kidding me? You would rather fuck this slutty blonde Barbie than attempt to rebuild an honest relationship with me?"

I turn to Jane who is smiling like the cat who ate the canary. Liv thinks she insulted Jane but she loves being called a Barbie. Slut not so much, but she worked hard to look as good as she does. She is sweet but definitely not shallow and she doesn't allow anyone to take advantage of her.

"Jane, sweetie, can you wait outside for me while I have a word with Liv?"

"Of course," she says, turning to walk out. Just before she exits the door she turns back and looks at Liv, then shakes her head and laughs darkly.

I turn back toward Liv and run my hands through my hair. "Get back together? What gave you that impression?"

Liv suddenly loses her swagger and becomes bashful and reserved again. "Yeah...I mean, you finally see Bella Swan for what she is and you said yourself that Lucas isn't good enough for me. We were good together, Edward."

"Where did this even come from? I mean...my god...we have just begun to be civil to one another! Four months into the school year and we can only be civil - not even friendly. Based on your recent behavior I hadn't even thought about trying to be friends, let alone a couple," I shout, throwing my hands in the air in aggravation.

Liv flinches at my words. "Wow. That hurt."

"Let's get this straight right now." I bend slightly so we are eye to eye for my next statement. "I don't want a relationship, Liv. I'm not looking to repeat any of my mistakes."

"We were a mistake?" she asks, pain clearly registering on her face.

I am so at a loss with this woman.

"Liv...I wasn't ready for what you wanted and I tried to give it to you despite my reservations because it was what you were asking for. I shouldn't have compromised my feelings, not only because it hurt you, but because of Chloe, too. I'm trying to tell you that I'm not at a place in my life to have a relationship and I won't lead anyone on. Not you. Not Chloe. Not Jane. Not Bella. I'm so sorry Lucas hurt you again, I truly am, but I cannot fix that for you."

I pause when I notice she is fighting tears, but this has to be said. "And honestly, I don't like you like this. You just treated one of my dearest friends very rudely and acted like you owned me. That's one of the reasons I haven't even attempted to form a friendship with you."

Liv furiously swipes at the tears on her cheeks and starts to back away from me. I can tell by the way her mouth is opening and closing that she is struggling to find the right words to express her emotions. I feel guilty for being so blunt, but brutal honesty was the only way to handle her. I can't continue to deal with this part of her. "I'm sorry," she finally mumbles as she rushes out of the room.

When Jane comes back in I apologize for Liv's behavior. "Any other crazy ex's I should know about?" Jane teases.

"Nah. You know Kate, and I was the crazy one in that relationship."

"Yeah, you so were," Jane laughs. "Alice used to tell me all the stuff you would do for that girl. I was very surprised and felt so bad for you."

"That summer with Izzy...she was the first girlfriend I had who made me feel like she loved me as much as I loved her. She would do anything for me, and I would do anything for her. There was never any uncertainty about who loves who more, who is more invested in this relationship...no power struggles at all. I felt like everything I put into our relationship was returned."

Jane tilts her head to look at me sympathetically, then walks over and hugs me. "I know, Edward. I miss Brendan too."

**Have faith in us. There will be a happily ever after..have I mentioned that even i hate the angst?**

**xo**


	28. Chapter 28

SM Owns.

Major love to My2GalsPal and Lynn Pepper for all the support and just everything they add to make this story amazing.

Chapter 28: Angel Takes Wings

Emmett called yesterday to ask if I'd like to hang out. Evidently he told Rosalie she could take the day to pamper herself and decided he might as well turn his day with Cayden into 'guy time'. I have to admit that I originally felt strange hanging out with Bella's brother, but now I look forward to spending time with Emmett.

"Dude, being a dad is the best feeling in the world," Emmett states with a quiet laugh as we watch Cayden sleep nearby in his swing.

"I bet," I respond as we walk from the living room into the kitchen. I'm amazed at how much the baby resembles Emmett and for maybe the thousandth time I wonder what my baby would have looked like. Would my angel look more like me or Bella, or maybe be the perfect combination of the two of us. I only allow myself a brief moment to dwell on that idea before I come back to the here and now.

The here and now is February thirteenth. That's right…the day before Valentine's Day. The weather in Wildwood is chilly and dark which just so happens to reflect my mood over the past couple days. Thinking about the holiday makes me want to puke.

The only thing keeping me sane is the fact that Jane and I do have plans. Actually, she's making all the plans. All I have to do is open the door when she gets here. And it's not a date, but an anti-Valentine's Day get-together - her words, not mine. I don't give a fuck what we call it as long as I get some action. Our schedules have been so busy we haven't seen each other for two weeks and that much phone sex just doesn't cut it.

Emmett drags me out of my own head when he offers me a beer. I accept gratefully and take a gulp as I continue to look around his newly remodeled kitchen. His house is nice and the kitchen has a very contemporary look. There are black cabinets, stainless steel appliances, high end grey granite counters, and a black crystal chandelier. Emmett hates but Rosalie fell in love with it. Guess we all know who wears the pants in their relationship.

I really like the blue paint that covers the walls. "This color is great."

He shakes his head. "Figures."

"What? You hate the chandelier and the walls?" I joke.

"It's called Lazy Sunday." His answer is sarcastic and he uses air quotes to emphasis just how ridiculous he finds that name. "Bella picked it out."

I shake my head and take another drink, really taking in the color and just how well it complements the rest of the decor. "She has a real eye for color."

"When we remodeled, Rose and I gave her the job of picking out the paint," Emmett explains. "I tease her but she did a great job. I really think she'd be great with interior design or something along those lines."

He's given me the perfect opportunity to ask the question that burns in my mind daily. "How is Bella anyway?" I try to make it sound nonchalant.

He nods thoughtfully before answering. "She's doing well. I'm really proud of her and how she's handling herself out in the real world, out there chasing her dreams." He pauses and looks down at the counter, then back at me. In that small moment his whole demeanor has changed. He's gone from playful to serious.

"Look, I know you had a lot to do with her getting to that place and I just want to say thanks."

I put my hand up to stop him. "Hey, you don't have to -"

"No, I don't," he interrupts, "but I want to."

I nod in understanding. I can see that we will be having this conversation no matter how much I want to avoid it. "I just want what's best for her, Em. Unfortunately, things got pretty out of control. If I could go back I'd definitely do things differently," I admit.

"I'm not sure that's the answer because I think that's part of what drove her to succeed. It's not that I hate you two being together, it's just not easy for me to accept the idea of my baby sister being with some guy my age."

Is he forgetting that I have a younger sister too? "Hey, I get that, but Bella isn't a baby anymore."

"She may not be a baby but Bella has a lot of growing up to do even though she's always been more independent and responsible than other kids her age. I just want her to have the chance to finally act her age. You are a good guy," Emmett says as he points at me with his beer bottle. "And my father's right, Bella could do a lot worse, but I know she isn't ready for all this. She needs to lead her life…not the life of a twenty five year old, man."

"I know that, Em." I don't tell him that it's gut wrenching to admit it though. "I could never be that selfish. She means more to me than that."

Emmett and I are quiet for a minute but I can tell there is something else on his mind. Just as I'm about to tell him to go ahead and say whatever it is he's thinking, he finds the words himself. "Can I ask what happened after Riley's accident? I mean, I know Bella's stubborn, but she got over it. Then right before she left for school she told Rose that you hated her."

I sigh heavily. "I don't think I'm comfortable discussing that. I mean, who am I talking to here? Em my buddy or Emmett the ex girlfriend's brother." Truth be told, the only person I talked to about that incident was Jane and that was only because she was there to see the fallout. Of course Alice always has her way of finding out the truth.

"Should I be worried about her?" he asks, true concern evident in his voice.

I don't know how to answer him so I take a deep breath and run my hand through my hair. Am I worried about her? I'd be lying if I said no. I constantly wonder what she is doing in Chicago. Is she hooking up with random guys? Is she drinking too much or messing around with harder stuff? Could she end up in a situation like Michelle? I have no idea how she is and no idea how to express my worry to Emmett.

"That was sort of my reason for asking about her," I finally explain.

"If she comes home knocked up..." Emmett begins but can't even finish that thought. I cringe right along with him.

"So she does have a boyfriend." I try to make it sound like I'm stating a fact instead of asking a nosey question. I need to get the information I want no matter how it sounds.

"She insists she isn't in the market for one, but she talks about this Gage guy. A lot," Emmett emphasizes.

I chuckle darkly, set my empty bottle on the countertop and I start peeling at the label. "That's great," I mutter before I can stop myself

"You've heard of him?" Emmett probes, locking his arms and leaning onto the counter. He's entirely focused on me and any information I have to share now.

"He's just some cocky young artist with a big head. Bella and I met him at a show last summer where he was the featured artist. He was all over her. I asked around and found out he's a player."

"Bella insists they're just friends," Emmett offers with a note of hope.

"Really? How long have they been 'just friends'?" I use those words loosely because I know what they can truly mean. After all, Jane and I are 'just friends' too.

"Since Thanksgiving, I guess?"

"Fuck," I groan as I drop my head into my hands, completely overcome by my emotions and my wants. I want to talk to her. I want to forgive her for sleeping with Dean. I want her back in my life, but is it for the right reason or because I'm letting jealousy rule me? One thing I do know that I don't want to be another Renee to her…someone who puts more on her shoulders than she can handle. It doesn't have to be like that though, right?

When I look back up I'm met with Emmett's worried face. "I want to protect her as much as you do Emmett...but she's gotta figure all this out on her own and learn from her mistakes. She's too stubborn and strong willed to do it any other way. I can't interfere with her life." He just continues to stare at me silently.

Before anything else is said Cayden lets us know he is no longer napping. Emmett heads back to the living room to grab him, leaving me with my thoughts of Bella. All this indecision is driving me insane. I know we can't keep up this back and forth because it will kill us both, but I'm not even sure who she is anymore and I hate feeling so disconnected from her.

In the time that Emmett is out of the room I decide that I can't discuss my feelings for Bella with him anymore. It's too stressful for both of us.

"Can you hold him for a second while I get his lunch ready?" Emmett asks as he enters the room with his son.

"Sure." I take Cayden as Emmett sets to work. "Hey big man," I coo as I bounce him on my hip. He is big as evidenced by the rolls of baby fat on his thighs. I tickle his side, and he giggles. His dimples are identical to his fathers.

"How's Alice?" Emmett asks, pulling out the high chair.

I shake my head at the thought of my pregnant sister. "She is huge for five months. The doctor told her she's gaining too much weight. Even made her cry." I find this amusing and I'm allowed to laugh at her because she's my sister. "The weight is all over too, not just in her stomach."

"I wouldn't laugh at her within arm's reach. If she's as touchy as Rose was she just might deck you," Emmett warns.

"Thanks for the insight. Two weeks ago she found out she's having a girl. The nursery was finished a week later."

"No shit." Emmett laughs at the craziness that is Alice as I put Cayden in the highchair.

"Jasper won't admit it, but I can tell that he's scared shitless."

"What man isn't when they find out their going to be a father? It was the scariest nine months of my life."

And on that note, I realize I don't want to talk about having kids with Emmett either.

UtB

When Rosalie and Renee return home later I decide it may be time to make my exit. I'm still not sure where I stand with Renee and I really don't think I can take a possible confrontation today. She completely surprises me though when she smiles and says, "Hello Edward. It's nice to see you again."

"You too, Ms. Swan," I reply.

She waves off the formal greeting. "Please call me Renee. My own kids do." I laugh and agree because it's true. I've heard Bella refer to her as Renee much more often than Mom.

Rosalie starts talking about what she is going to make for dinner. "Are you going to stay, Edward?"

"Oh, I don't think so," I reply automatically. I wouldn't mind the company since I eat alone so much, but I don't want to overstay my welcome.

"Dude, stay," Emmett insists.

"Rosalie's lemon chicken is really good," Renee adds.

"Who can argue with that," I concede. It's nice to feel like part of a family, even if it is just for the evening.

UtB

I haven't been able to stop thinking about Bella since spending the day with her family, hearing about Gage, and talking about babies. When I come across the journal that Bella asked Alice to pass along to me I decide it's time to bite the bullet. I haven't had the strength to open it before now but tonight I can't fight the urge to discover what it might hold.

I immediately notice that this journal is much different than the one she created while in high school. The style is similar in that she still uses many quotes and sketches, but some pages are just full of writing. The thoughts inside feel deeper, rawer.

I reach the entry dated the day after Alice's wedding, the day that changed my world, and I contemplate skipping right over it. I don't want to read it, but I feel like I have to if there is any chance for forgiveness. It could do one of two things; help me understand the situation or cement the fact that there is nothing to save…that we were nothing more than a summer love.

It's a long entry. The center of the page is dominated by a quote written in thick, red ink.

"It's about realizing, painfully, you've kept that voice locked away within, from even yourself. And you step back and see that your jailer has changed faces. You realize you've become your own jailer."

There are other thoughts written in black ink and scattered all over the page.

"I don't remember..."

"I didn't mean for it to go that far."

"I shouldn't have gone up there with him."

"It was stupid to drink so much. I should have been stronger."

"No one to blame but myself."

I feel the tension in my jaw increase as my concern increases. I know Dean and I never gave much thought to the idea that he had drunken sex...until now. I can't disregard the pattern I see in the phrases Bella recorded on this page though. I never thought about the details of that night because I didn't want to. Suddenly, I need answers. I need to know what happened that night with every fiber of my being. The more I read, the more I wonder…is this really what Bella wanted?

I take out my phone, then pause for a moment. This is a serious allegation and I'm not sure who I should call to get the sordid details. I decide I have the better part of Bella's recollections and finally dial.

The phone only rings a few times before Dean picks up. I skip over the usual pleasantries and get straight to the point. "I want you to tell me about the night you spent with Bella," I blurt out.

His voice is hushed. "I don't…I can't…Michelle," he finally mumbles by way of explanation.

"Find a place where you can talk. Now." The tone of my voice should indicate that I don't intend to drop this.

"Okay. Just hold on a sec." He mumbles something to Michelle and after a few seconds I hear a door close. "What's going on?" he asks, confusion evident in his voice.

"How wasted was Bella that night?"

He laughs nervously before answering, "She was hammered. Why?" His cavalier attitude irritates me.

I don't know how to ask my next question other than to just throw it out there. "Do you think she was coherent enough to have sex with you?"

"What are you suggesting, Edward? That I took advantage of her?"

"I don't know, Dean. Did you?" I'm internally pleading for the answer to be no.

"Are you kidding me? She was into it." I can tell he's beginning to get irritated by my line of questioning but I really don't give a damn. He can go ahead and be pissed as long as I get my answers.

"So, she never once said she didn't want to have sex? She never said slow down, or stop...or no?"

Dean laughs darkly. "Is that what she's feeding you to get back on your good side? It's not my fault if she wants to change her tune in the light of day."

I fight against the bile rising in the back on my throat. "No. She hasn't said a word to me about this. Why won't you answer my question?"

After a loud sigh he finally says, "She was teasing me...playing hard to get, you know?"

If I could reach through the phone and strangle him I would. Instead my hand instinctively grabs and tugs at my hair. "What do you mean 'playing hard to get'? You know nothing about her! If she was hammered and hesitant you took advantage of her!"

"You know what, if that's what you need to tell yourself to make everything better then go ahead and make me the bad guy. How long have you known me, Edward, and you're going to blame me for some little girl's slutty ways?"

His words make me livid. I can actually hear my pulse in my ears as my blood courses through my veins. "If there is one person on this planet I know better than I know you, it's Bella. I know her so well that she didn't have to tell me what happened. I know for a fact that she doesn't think what you did was wrong. She will take the blame for everything, even being raped."

Saying the words out loud makes my stomach lurch. I don't think Dean needs to hear me say anything else but instead of hanging up I throw the phone across the room.

I'm not sure I can talk to Bella about this but I have to find a way. I need to know if I'm right because I have to make sure she never punishes herself for another person's mistakes, because she is going to make enough of her own over the course of her lifetime.

UtB

After much thought, I find myself sitting on my couch with my laptop, creating a Facebook account for the sole purpose of 'friending' Bella. I'm ready to extend an olive branch. Of course, I should have done that months ago when she provided the journal that held so many answers. That was her way of asking me for help and I completely dropped the ball.

I don't want to be right about her night with Dean. I want her to say, "I knew what was happening and I wanted it." Then I want to forgive her and move on. What I don't want is for her to confirm my worst fears, but regardless, I have to know what happened.

Once my profile is all set up I type 'Isabella Swan' in the search box and hold my breath until her page appears. I'm thrilled for one whole minute before my heart stops when I notice her profile picture. There's my beautiful girl…and Gage, kissing her check. Even through my jealousy I can see that she looks happy and I can't help but be glad for her.

Her page is set to private so I stare at the one thing I can see, that stupid profile picture, until I build up the courage to click on the 'add friend' button. Since I have the thing open I search for other people: Jane, Alice, and Jasper. I skip right over Dean.

In what feels like no time at all a blue box pops up on the screen, informing me that 'Isabella Swan has accepted your friend request'. My heart races as I hurry to get back to her page. I skim through the wall posts and notice comments from Riley and from Gage. Riley's comments are friendly but Gage's comments are just a thinly veiled attempt at flirting.

I type out my own message for her wall. "How's college life treating you? I miss your beautiful smile." After I finish I realize it doesn't sound right. I accused her of being immature and here I am writing comments meant to mark her as mine to the rest of the world. I delete the second sentence and hit 'enter'. Almost immediately I receive another notification; 'Isabella Swan commented on her wall post'. I quickly follow the link back to her wall.

"Edward Cullen on Facebook? Better yet, reaching out to me? Chicago is awesome but I could have told you that three months ago."

Well, it's not the response I was hoping for but I definitely deserve the barb. As I'm trying to decide how or if I should respond I'm suddenly bombarded by notifications. Must be all this Facebook for the phone shit. I start reading through the posts to see that a lot of people are just welcoming me to the twenty-first century. Not funny. Alice wants me to confirm that she's my sister. Someone wants me to send them something for Farmville, whatever that is. Why did I sign up for this again, I ask myself as I read through the posts, giving them as little attention as possible.

My phone rings and I answer "Hello," automatically. My mind is on a different topic – mainly Bella and whether or not I should post anything else or just give her a call. At least I understand how the phone works.

I'm met with Jane's loud, hysterical laughter. "What is so funny?" I ask as I try to put Facebook out of my mind and focus on why she may be calling.

"I said we were in a relationship, and that it was open, but I never thought you would confirm it!" she continues through her laughter.

"Wait. What?" I ask, clicking back to my profile. Sure enough, there it is in print on the internet. 'Edward Cullen is in an open relationship with Jane Reynolds.' I laugh with her. When I finally compose myself I simply say, "I'm leaving it. People put way too much stock in what they see on Facebook. Besides, I could do worse than a hot news anchor." I smirk as I lean back in my chair.

"Oh? It looks like Isabella Swan likes your relationship status," Jane states.

And she does, according to my newest notification. I pull up a chat window, thinking I will explain the status, but then I realize I don't have anything to explain. I wish I needed to explain the status to her.

Before I can say anything else Jane blurts out, "Oh, shit! Edward I have to go...Brendan's calling me!"

"Jane!" I yell, trying to stop her. She's too quick though. It actually pisses me off that she hung up without waiting for me to say goodbye.

I hate that fuckwit and the way he toys with her. That's exactly what this is, too. He sees she's 'with' me and suddenly he comes a callin'. I sigh and put down the phone as I feel the Facebook drama starting already.

Just as I'm about to log off I notice that my news feed says 'Isabella Swan changed her profile picture' so I take a peek. The picture is rather racy. You can't see her face but I know it's her naked body because her tattoo is completely on display. The tattoo I designed. She is lying with her left side exposed to the camera to show off the body art. Her hand cups her breast, giving the illusion of some modesty. This picture is incredibly sexy.

That's when it hits me. I need a profile picture, too. Instead of looking for the right shot I decide to start uploading pictures from my computer onto my new page. I come across a whole folder labeled 'Izzy', and after a moment's hesitation, I upload it too. I'm so sick of hiding this part of our lives, and there is no reason to anymore.

"Name this album," I mutter to myself. That's not an easy task considering it's a pictorial documentation of our entire relationship…and I do mean everything. I even scanned the ultrasound picture into it. I finally decide to name the album "I Will Keep You in My Mind, and the Way You Make Love So Fine," and type it in.

As if that isn't enough, I decide to caption all the pics. Izzy and me on the beach. Izzy pretending to be annoyed with me. The cherry blossoms in stages. I caption the ultrasound 'Izzy's and my Angel,' then add 'a little soul takes wings' before I tag Bella.

There are also a few pictures of us at school: at the play, in the art room, at prom. Seeing her in that dress again makes me smile. I label the side shot 'scandalous girl'. What I'd really like to write about is just how perfect her tits are and how amazing her legs look in this picture but that would be crossing the line. Last but not least, there are a few from her graduation.

As I finish typing I feel a sense of relief. It's all out there in the open now, nothing to hide anymore. I make sure the page is private so only friends can see my information. I'm not going add people like Marcus or current students anyway, but I'm done hiding from my past with Bella. She was the best thing I ever had, and I want all the people who are lucky enough to see those pictures to know that.

My phone suddenly buzzes with a text alert. The screen reads 'Izzy' because I just can't change it to Bella. "What the fuck are you doing on your Facebook page?" she writes.

I respond with, "Just letting people see how lucky I was."

"Well stop, okay? My mom is calling to bug me with questions I don't want to answer. Besides, these were special moments between us…not for the whole world to see. There is nothing to share so take them down."

She seriously wants me to hide all this again? "I think they're worth sharing. I'm proud of our love and I'm not hiding it anymore."

Her next text reads, "Really? You're proud of the fact that I fucked Dean? Proud of how I lied to you?"

"Did you fuck him, Bella?" is the only response I have for her. This is not how I planned to have this conversation, but if she can make the connection on her own then I'm not going to stop her.

"Ummm...you know I fucked him." I can almost hear the sarcasm in her response.

"How drunk where you that night?" I pose.

"I thought we covered this already. Drunk is not an excuse!" I can just picture her throwing her arms up in frustration and yelling those words at me. So much is lost on this impersonal texting.

Bella must think there's a lot lost in this conversation too because she stops texting and calls. I only let it ring once and don't even get a chance to say hello before she lays into me. "You are proud of how I loved you? That's a crock of shit Edward! I loved you like...like shit Edward! You - you loved me beyond fucking reason and I threw it away like the stupid selfish school girl I was at the time. I was nothing but a misguided, scared girl and you want me to believe you are proud of that? Because I'm not. I have a big fucking problem when it comes to how I demonstrated my love for you. And you - you don't get to flaunt your open relationship with Jane and then torture me with the story of us in picture form. You don't get to ignore me either." This is where her voice cracks and the anger gives way to tears. "Why?" she pleads.

"Because I feel disconnected from you, Bella," Even though that's the truth it's definitely not the reason I suddenly made contact with her. As much as I want to get to the bottom of her night with Dean, I absolutely can't have that discussion with her over the phone. I need to be able to hold her and comfort her or even let her punch me if that's what helps her deal with the truth when she realizes exactly what happened.

"Isn't that the point? You made it pretty clear that you want nothing to do with me these days so aren't you supposed to feel disconnected?"

Shit. Is that how I made her feel? "I do not want to disconnect from you," I state firmly to make her understand how I really feel.

"Until the next time I fuck up," she says sadly.

"No, Iz. No next time. I want the best of you right along with the worst of you."

Bella sighs and pauses for a minute. When she speaks again her words feel flat, emotionless. "What about Gage? He cares about me, Edward. A lot. He asked me to come with him during his European tour this summer."

"You aren't in love with him though," I state matter of factly.

"That doesn't mean that he isn't in my heart. I've been working on letting others into my heart and on letting you go."

"Well, stop it. I don't want you to let me go," I plead. "Friend, boyfriend, mentor…I can be whatever you need me to be, but Bella…I can't lose all of you."

"Friends. That's all I can handle right now. I'm really trying to figure out who I am without a man in my life. Cookie dough, remember?"

"Gage can have a place in your heart but I can't? I won't deny that he cares about you and wants more from you…but so do I," I attempt to explain.

"He said he'd wait for me," she says, whisper quiet.

"I said I'd wait for you, too," I remind her.

The fire returns to her voice. "Then you told me I was an immature teenager who fucked things up beyond repair. It's taken me months to come to terms with the fact that Edward Cullen wasn't waiting for me anymore, and I can't ask you to. I don't...," she sighs heavily. "If you had told me all of this at Thanksgiving I would have been the happiest girl in the world, but I can't go back there now. I feel like I've grown quite a bit during this time and l can't be the girl I was. Can't you see that it would be a regression?" she asks rhetorically.

There's only one way to reassure her that my intentions are true and that's to get her back here and show her with my every word, deed, and thought. "Don't leave this summer. Please come home. Back to Wildwood, I mean. Come reconnect with me." That's right. I'm not too proud to beg Bella. If she could only understand that she's the only girl I will ever beg.

There's another long pause before Bella finally says, "You've given me a lot to think about Edward." Her words give me at least a little hope for our future. I can't imagine picking any other woman over Bella, and I hope that under all her hurt, she still feels the same way about me.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you in August. I pushed you away when I needed you the most," she says quietly.

"It's my fault, too. I shouldn't have let you push me away and I'm sorry I didn't fight harder after what happened with Riley. You are worth it. Izzy...?" I trail off.

"Yeah, Edward?" she tentatively responds.

"Happy Valentine's Day. It's midnight where you are now...and I want to be the first person to tell you I love you today."

She is silent for a long heartbeat. She finally says, "I have to go," and I can plainly hear the sadness in her voice. She doesn't wait for me to respond and hangs up. Really? Twice in one night?

I put my phone down and find my favorite picture of Izzy and me. We were hanging out under the boardwalk when Jessica took this picture for us. I have my arm around my girl, and we are focused on looking at each other, not the camera, with nothing but love between us. There is a comment under the picture, from Renee of all people. 'Something this pure won't be lost forever.' I certainly hope she's right.

One last glimpse at Bella's profile shows me her minute old status. "Wanna be done baking. So badly."

UtB

Old City Philadelphia.

After a fantastic dinner at Le Bec Fin with Jane, I find myself in a tattoo shop on Valentine's Day. What can I say? I'm a romantic fool.

The tattoo artist, who introduces himself as Philly John, is covered in tattoos. They look fantastic which reassures me I picked a parlor. After all, you don't want to get inked by someone whose tats look awful.

"Getting something special for the love of your life on this overly-commercialized holiday?" he questions with a silly grin.

"You could say that," I respond.

"Are you sure that's what you want? Ms. Reynolds here is a fine catch and inking in honor of your love, especially his or her name, always seems to be the kiss of death in a relationship."

"Well Ms. Reynolds is a great woman, and an awesome lay." I say that last part under my breath with a wink so just Philly John hears it before returning to my normal volume. "I love her very much, but she isn't my soul mate. Sorry babe." I turn to her and see she's fighting laughter.

She composes herself and says in mock hurt with her hand over her heart. "No, no. I get it. You are not my other half either, buddy."

"Seriously though. My girl - the one I know I can't live without - we lost a child, and I want to get something to honor that," I explain to the man who looks like he might not even know the definition of the word compassion, let alone how to demonstrate it.

"Sorry to hear that, man," he says very seriously, catching me off guard. "Why don't we talk about placement and what you were hoping to get."

He listens to my ideas before drawing up a set of angel wings that feature the same words I used last night; A Little Soul Takes Wings. He suggests we stick to black and white with grey shading. We decide to place it on the left side of my chest, over my heart and he gets to work.

Philly is a real chill guy, very easy to talk to. I'm impressed with his work so I tell him about the heart Bella was working on, the one I have been adding finishing touches on and would also like to have done, if I can ever figure out where to place it. He suggests the inside of my left bicep – another location that's close to my heart.

Jane also tries to distract me from the pain with small talk, but it isn't so bad. It's more of an annoyance than an actual pain, not excruciating by any means. It's just a radiating, scratchy burning.

Talk eventually turns to Bella and my crazy love life. "Give her some space Edward. You must be giving her whiplash with all this back and forth shit," Jane advises. "And I have a feeling that whatever is going on with Gage is not the problem you're making it out to be. For instance, just look at her Facebook page. It's basically the Gage, Jamie, Bella show. He's been a part of her life everyday for, what…the past four months? Besides, Bella tends to develop close friendships with guys more easily than other girls for whatever reason. Maybe that has to do with her absent father, or a mother who would rather be her daughter's best friend instead of a parent, or her brother who she idolized until he became a pain in her ass."

"Girl, why didn't you go into psychology?" the tattoo artist asks Jane with a laugh.

"Are you kidding?" she says, raising one brow and crossing her arms over her chest. "I can't solve my own problems, let alone someone else's."

"Shrinks don't actually solve the problems though. They direct their patients toward the insight to solve them on their own," Philly states without looking up from his work.

"And why aren't you a shrink, Philly?" I chime in teasingly.

Now he looks up before he answers. "What do you think I do while I'm inking someone? I listen to their problems. The shit they are dealing with, or overcame, that inspired the tattoo. If you ask me, bartenders, tattoo artists, and hairdressers are all underpaid shrinks without the schooling. And I say we do it better," he finishes with a shrug.

I nod at his words. "I can relate to that shit...but better? I don't know, man. I bartend during the summer and I have to say that the counselor at my high school is much better at giving advice then I am." I will give Liv that. She is excellent at her job.

"Your high school?" Philly asks, confusion written all over his face.

"Oh Philly, this is Vice Principal Cullen from Wildwood High School." Jane says with a proud flourish of her hand.

I catch the way she looks at him in that moment. The glint in her eye tells me she's interested in him and has moved into the realm of flirting. My friend has a real crush and I couldn't be happier for her because it means she's getting over that ass in Chicago. Jane confirms my suspicions once my tat is finished. She squints her eyes, examines my fresh ink, then licks her top lip and says, "I think I should get one. Would it be possible for you to fit me into your busy schedule?" Jane asks, placing her hand on his upper arm.

Philly looks around the empty shop. "I think that can be arranged. What did you have in mind?"

"Something here on my lower hip," Jane says as she moves her hand suggestively to give him a visual. "I'd love something pretty and girly. I trust you," She finishes, scrunching her cute nose. That girl is definitely turning on the charm.

"You trust me to tattoo whatever I want," Philly points to his chest, "on you, right there?" he asks as he moves to rub his thumb just to the side of her hip bone.

"You're one of the best shrinks in the world right? If you think you read people so well... let's see you read me," she challenges, stepping closer to him.

"Okay, but you can't look until it's done." Philly moves closer, reducing the distance between their bodies to mere inches. I'm beginning to feel like a third wheel. Jane shakes his hand to seal the deal. I notice the handshake lasts longer than average.

Once he has his station reset, Philly looks at Jane and orders her to, "Unbutton your pants and show me some skin," with a cocky smirk.

I watch the guy work on Jane, and even though I think she will love her new ink I can't help but tease her throughout the process. "Philly, man…I don't know if Jane's gonna dig that."

"Shut up, Edward! I am warning you!" Jane threatens.

When everything is done, Jane has a tattoo of what looks like a safety pin piercing the skin of her hip. There are a few decorative stars and the number thirteen worked into the design. Earlier in the evening Jane mentioned that was her lucky number, so I know this guy was really paying attention while she talked. Ultimately, Jane is impressed. I'm impressed, and I'm worried I'm about to lose my fuck buddy to this rockabilly tattoo artist who has a picture of Jesus Christ giving a thumbs up tattooed onto his neck. What's that all about?

Jane takes one look at her new body art and screams, "Holy crap! I want another one!"

"Can't get them anywhere visible with that job of yours," I remind her, causing her to pout like a five year old.

"Well, there are plenty of places the public doesn't see," John pipes in with a waggle of his brows. "Call to set up an appointment. I've been working on a design that would look great on your back. It was inspired by pearls and chandeliers."

"Sounds amazing," Jane smiles. "You truly are talented."

We settle our bill and I have to pull Jane way form Philly and out of the shop. "Thought you were my date?" I whisper playfully in her ear.

"Ha! I thought our number one rule was we don't do dates?" she retorts.

"You are right. If you want to end this to fuck him, then who am I to stop you?" I say, tossing my hand up at my sides.

"Just like if you'd rather be with Bella," she responds with a note of challenge in her words.

I stop dead in my tracks and tug at my hair with a groan. "I can't do this anymore. It's just not me." I admit. I finally realize our arrangement was a foolish reaction to a broken heart. I have to stop hiding from the heartache and deal with the pain. I look her straight in the eyes and say, "I'm so sorry, Jane."

"Don't be sorry," she replies, placing her hand on my cheek. "We said we'd do this until it didn't work anymore. If it's not working for you anymore - that's fine. There are no hard feelings and you're still my best friend. Now, tell your friend what's really going on in that head of yours."

"I just...want my Izzy back," I admit, dropping my forehead to rest on hers.

BPOV

"Ready?" Gage asks, taking my bags to the taxi.

I nod, excited and completely overwhelmed to be spending this time with him. As we hop into the waiting car it hits me that in less than twenty four hours we'll be in Europe...London to be exact…together for three whole weeks.

He reaches out to grab my hand and pulls me closer to him in the back seat of the cab.

"You okay?" he asks cautiously. "You're being so quiet."

"Just nervous. Planes kind of freak me out," I admit embarrassingly. He smiles and kisses the top of my head in a reassuring gesture.

"I know I kind of demanded you come on this trip, but I don't know if you understand how happy I am that you're here with me. You're my best friend, Bambina."

Bambina. That's been his nickname for me ever since he assumed I was Italian. He was a bit disappointed to find out I have no Italian roots at all.

"Stinks that Jamie couldn't come," I grumble. Her parents freaked about the fact that she wouldn't be home all summer. I guess the empty nest is killing them, unlike Renee, who said I was old enough to make the decision myself. That basically means she has other things to worry about.

Besides…Edward is there...and even though he hasn't talked about Jane, his facebook still says they are together.

"Oh, I'm sure we will be fine without her," Gage says somberly.

"It won't be the same without her, that's all. I mean, it's always the three of us."

Gage gets really quiet and I'm a bit confused by his mood shift. He isn't my boyfriend, and he stopped trying to hook up with me months ago. Actually, he stopped on Valentine's Day, right after I cried to Jamie about Edward calling and professing his love for me. I had no idea Gage was waiting right outside our door, armed with a painting…of me. It was supposed to be his grand gesture and it was incredibly sweet. He took one look at all the pictures Edward tagged on Facebook. It was our entire story, laid out for the whole world to see. I will never forget Gage's mumbled words, "How can I compete with that?" I told him all about my phone call with Edward and how he wanted me to come home over the summer. Gage encouraged me to do just that.

Edward and I have communicated several times, mostly through Facebook, since Valentine's Day. We would private message each other once a week, just to say hello. When I told him I would be coming home in June he was so excited. Then I thought of Jane and I got scared. I didn't want anyone else to get hurt by our actions ever again.

"I don't know..." I stated in a Facebook chat not long before I was scheduled to head home.

"About what?" Edward questioned.

"How I feel about what you want from me this summer," I clarified.

"I told you, Izzy. I just want to reconnect with you." He made it sound so innocent. The fact that he has been calling me Izzy again lets me know that it isn't.

I still didn't feel like I understood his intentions. "What does that even mean though?"

"I don't know. I guess it means I want…not to get to know you again…but to get to know the woman you are becoming. I want to try to for a fresh start." If only life were that simple

"There can't be anybody else." I typed in reference to Jane, thinking of his relationship status.

"I know," was his response.

"I won't have a reason to do this if there is anyone else," I emphasized.

"Iz, I said I know. No one else is even a factor at this point."

Afraid that I wasn't making myself clear I typed out the single word "Jane?" I was about to hit enter when he sent a comment that threw me off track.

"I have something I want to show you. A surprise that I think you will love."

I erased her name and instead typed, "Just spill it already!"

"Nope. You have to wait and see it in June."

I sent him a sad face, then signed off.

The more I thought about Edward's offer, the more I began to doubt my decision. If he truly wanted to reconnect why would he be stringing Jane along? Whatever comes next for us has to start off on the right foot, and the right thing to do would be to end things with her before coming to me.

On top of that red flag, and because Gage has been such a great friend to me, I realized I couldn't let him down. It was just one week before the tour was supposed to begin that I committed to go.

I was due in Wildwood two days ago but never arrived.

My mom called me that day. "Did you know that Edward Cullen is sitting in our living room right now, asking where Izzy is and when she will be getting home?"

"Did you tell him I wasn't coming?" I asked, skirting the real issue.

"No. Didn't you?" She sounded shocked that she even had to ask that question.

"I started to write him an email but things got really crazy and I never finished it."

"That's just insane." I could hear the disbelief and disappointment in her voice. "Well, I'm not going to be the one to tell him. I can't look him in the face and break his heart."

"It won't be too bad. I'm sure Jane is waiting right there to console him." I'm pretty sure she could tell how bitter I was about that whole situation.

"He wants Izzy, though."

"Tell him...I'm going to London and that you will have me call him." I knew Edward would understand that meant that I chose to travel with Gage.

At the airport we meet up with Gage's agent, Farrah. "Ready?" she asks with a big smile. It immediately falters when she notices our interlocked hands. Gage excuses himself to use the facilities before we have to board, leaving me alone with Farrah, who does her best to ignore me.

She hates me because I'm a distraction, but also realizes that she can't keep us apart. Her words to me once Gage is out of earshot are something along the lines of, "You aren't good for him, you know. He wants a deeper relationship with you, for some reason," she adds under her breath, "and it tortures him. I love the kid, so it kills me to watch him pine over you. Unfortunately, you inspire him. Everything he paints based on his emotions for you is pure gold. God, I wish I could go back to the days when I kicked a different girl out of his bed every morning."

Our flight is delayed due to fog or something, so I open up the Facebook app on my phone to finish my message to Edward. I read through what I had and immediately delete most of it. Then I go ahead and delete all of it and start over.

Edward,

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the change in plans sooner. The more I thought about everything and what would be best for me, I realized that coming home for the summer just wasn't right.

I can't tell you how blessed and relieved I feel to have this little part of you back in my life after everything that has happened. It's just...still not the right time.

You still have reservations about us; as well you should since my behavior the last time we were together was appalling. I can't come back and work to build a new relationship with you when you aren't really ready.

You said you knew there couldn't be anyone else, yet I know you continue to see Jane.

I can't go down that road again. Since you are attached I think it would be in my best interest to stay away. I don't want to repeat any mistakes or hurt you or anyone else ever again.

I hope you have a wonderful summer.

Bella.

Gage nudges me as I hit send. "They just called first class to start boarding, Bambi," He stands up and offers me his hand along with an excited "Ready?" I reach to take it, and smile at him as we head for the plane.

As we sit and wait for the rest of the passengers to board I remember that I need to power down my cell phone and remind Gage to do the same. Once finished I lean over and rest my head on Gage's shoulder.

"When is the last time you had sex?" he asks out of the blue.

I turn to look at him with furrowed brows. "You know this already," I reply with a hint of a smirk. I'm extremely curious as to why he is bringing this up right now.

"So, it's been almost a year? Since last August?" His eyebrows are in the exact opposite position as mine as they lift toward his hair line.

I look down at my lap and nod. "I just..." I pause to gather my words before I look at him again. "I'm trying to be respectful of my mind and my body. I don't ever want to wake up next to some random guy and feel used again. I only want to share that within a relationship where there is mutual love and respect," I finish with a small shrug.

"I love and respect you," Gage responds, waggling his eyebrows at me playfully

I just smile and look away for a second.

"What about you?" I throw back at him. "When was the last time Farrah kicked some nameless face out of your bed?" I attempt to fake indifference but I'm pretty sure I didn't pull it off entirely.

"You don't want to know," he moans.

I quickly look back to him in surprise. "Oh, now you have to tell me." I really do want to know, especially since Farrah went out of her way to make that statement earlier.

Gage is staring straight ahead and takes a deep breath, releasing it through his nose before he answers, "November."

I'm shocked and can't hide my reaction. "November? You haven't had sex since November?" I whisper.

"Just been me and my hand," he admits, waving said appendage in the air.

"Why?"

He's thoughtful for a moment before answering. "I guess because..." he turns to look at me again, "sex outside a relationship seemed to be a big turn off for this girl I was trying to impress."

"Me?" I ask breathily.

"Yes, Bambi, you." He chuckles at my surprise then goes on to explain, "I didn't want you to think less of me and the idea of looking at another woman just didn't appeal to me."

I close my eyes and make my decision. Taking a deep breath to solidify my resolve, I move my hand to cup his cheek and I move forward until my lips softly touch his.

"Bella," he whispers as he pulls away from my touch.

I lean back slightly, confused by his reaction. I thought this was what he wanted so I have to ask, "What's wrong?"

"I don't want this if your heart is somewhere else. I want all of you to be with me, not for me to be some distraction."

I sit back in my seat. "I have to admit that when he asked me to come home I really wanted to," I admit.

Gage thinks he knows what I am going to say. "But Farrah guilted you into being here." The disappointment is clear in his voice and body language.

"No," I answer, shaking my head. "He never ended things with Jane. You just said it - if you want someone so badly, how can you be with anyone else? I have made that mistake, not once but twice. First with Riley...then with Dean."

"Don't make it with me, Bella," Gage pleads. "Two weeks ago you wanted him…more than anything."

"You're right. But two weeks ago I didn't see the value in me. It's taken me almost a year to realize that one night doesn't define me unless I let it. I finally decided I'm not going to let it. And you were right beside me this whole time, telling me that you will wait with your words, but also reassuring me that's true with your actions."

I can't fault Edward for being with Jane. I mean, he did say he was done waiting for me so I don't think he is wrong for being with her. I do think it's wrong for him to be with her and chase after me. I'm worth more than that, and Gage is the man who's showing me that in every way possible.

I lean my head back against the seat and look deeply into Gage's eyes. "I want you."

He takes my face in his hands, his smile wide as he firmly presses his lips to mine. He pulls away and rests his forehead against me as he says, "You, Bambi, have just made me the luckiest fucker in the world."

"I feel exactly the same way," I say grinning like a fool.

We relax and he holds my hand the entire flight over. Things feel the same but also different. There's a new intimacy between us. Instead of just holding hands he moves his thumb over my skin. He occasionally leans over and lays kisses on the soft skin under my ear.

Farrah, sitting a row in front of us, suddenly turns around. "Finally," she exclaims as she smiles wide and lifts a camera, taking a picture of us. "First picture as a couple. Oh, I love it," she muses turning back around. We both chuckle at her antics.

"I want to take things slow," Gage whispers in my ear, all smiles. "I've waited for this a long time and I want to do it right."

I swallow back my nervous energy, relieved to hear him say that. I know I'm nowhere near ready for sex. Ever since that night with Dean the thought of having sex with anyone other than someone I love - and who I know loves me in return - feels so wrong.

UtB

The first thing I do when we're settled at the hotel is call Jamie. I hope she is happy about my news.

"Why wouldn't I be happy, B? I think this is awesome," she squeals.

"You're not just saying that, right?" I ask nervously, chewing on my bottom lip.

"No. Well, I really don't want to be the third wheel but I'm thrilled for you guys."

"You'd never be the third wheel, Jamie," I assure her.

"I guess I'm just going to have to find myself a boy to train," she muses and we giggle together.

"Oh, what about that guy in our photography class? You know, the one who's always talking to us. What's his name?"

"You mean Trevor?" she asks incredulously.

"That's him! He's totally hot, and he was always flirting with you."

"True...but he was" she emphasizes the last word, "in our photography class. I have no idea if I'll ever see him again." If I know Jamie, I'm pretty sure she just plopped down on her bed with a big poor-pitiful-me frown on her face.

"Don't you dare make that ugly ass frown!" I warn her.

She bursts out laughing. "Yes, Mother."

"And enough with the eye rolling!" I add for good measure.

"You are one scary bitch! Which totally reminds me - now that you are in Europe with your boyfriend," she says teasingly, "do not, I repeat do not, come home pregnant."

"Shut up." I laugh at my friend's crazy antics. Gage steps in front of me and points to the area where a watch would be on his wrist, indicating that we need to get going. "Look, we gotta run, but I love you. Talk to you soon!"

We say our goodbyes and I drop the phone on the bed and grab my bag to get ready for the evenings cocktail party. "Sorry," I mouth, kissing Gage on his cheek before I dash into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

"What should I wear?" I yell out over the running water.

"Dressy," comes my boyfriend's muffled voice through the closed door. I'm still not used to that idea - boyfriend - but the thought does make me smile.

"Dressy..." I mumble to myself as I think about the clothes I brought. I brought my prom dress because it's literally the only little black dress I own and Jamie said that was a must. The problem is that I don't want to look like I am seeking attention from other men by wearing something so revealing. The only other dress I brought is that black, red, and grey plaid dress I wore for the play and it's too casual. When I packed I didn't think much about how I would look at Gage's show, I'd just be there. Now that I will be there as 'the girlfriend' I'm a bit concerned.

I finally settle on the black dress but still have some reservations.

I take a quick shower and blow dry my hair. I try my best to work it into something with a bit of style but I'm used to having Jamie help me. I part my hair to the left, then pull it back at the base of my neck. My mouth is full of bobby pins as I secure sections of my hair blindly. I realize it's not working when Gage knocks on the door.

"Bambi, you almost set?"

"Ah...just ten more minutes," I call back. I wonder how I'm going to fix my hair and do my make up in ten minutes as I pull each and every bobby pin out of my hair, take a deep breath, and start again.

This time I pull my hair straight back, leaving the top to sit high and full of volume. I'm liking it so far. I cut it off into sections and begin to twist and secure it with the pins but let it stay a bit loose. I spray hairspray over the whole style once I am satisfied and begin my makeup.

I hear Farrah outside the door now and she doesn't sound pleased that I'm not ready.

"She's nervous," Gage defends. "She's never done any functions like this and it will be the first time we go out as a couple. It's like our first date so give her a break."

His care makes me smile as I apply some lipstick. I'm surprised that he can tell how I'm feeling and is concerned enough to stand up for me.

"You can't afford to be late for this. This is your career, Gage," Farrah continues to scold.

"And Bella is my girlfriend, Farrah. I'm not going to be a dick to her because she's running a little late."

I leave my make up strewn all over the counter and rush out of the bathroom to find my heels. "I'm so sorry," I apologize, opening my suitcase full of nothing but shoes. I find the black peep toe leather heels and slide them onto my feet. "Ready," I announce with a huge smile as I straighten up and throw my arms out to the sides in a flourish.

Gage steps in front of me, so close I can smell his just sprayed cologne. He smells so good and looks delicious in his black satin suit and untucked white shirt with the first three buttons undone.

"You look..." Gage begins, trailing his finger down my rib cage.

"Did you bring any other dresses?" Farrah interrupts. "We aren't going to a club to bump and grind. We are going to a sophisticated cocktail party." I don't miss the condescension in her words.

"Just a plaid dress that's on the casual side." I tell her, looking down at myself.

"I think you look amazing. I can't wait to show off my beautiful girl," Gage reassures with a beautiful smile.

"Gage, she can't go in that," Farrah says as she flings one arm toward me. "It's…she doesn't look approachable."

"I can stay here. I don't want to cause any problems," I offer.

"Not an option," Gage says to me before turning to Farrah. "That's complete bullshit, Farrah! The only idiots who will find her unapproachable are insecure woman who wish they could pull off this look. This is who she is and I'm not interested in creating a false image. Bella wears the dress."

He tells me how great I look again, caressing my cheek, then looks down at his shiny black and white dress shoes. "Now that I think about it, I hate these shoes." I have to agree with him but before I can say anything, he kicks them off and pulls on his black and green Nike high tops. He finishes his look by sliding on his Ray-Ban Aviator sunglasses and reaches for my hand to lead me out of our room.

As we walk he tells me to ignore Farrah. Even so, her words linger in my mind all night long as we meet and greet. The people at this event aren't young and hip. These are rich people who have an appreciation for art and culture. People who would probably avoid conversation with Gage if his girlfriend looks...shallow. The party goes relatively well but I've still come to the decision that I'm not going to be the cause of any more issues.

The next day Gage has an interview scheduled. I tell him I'm going to go sightseeing so I'll be out of the way. After sliding on a pair of shorts and a tank top and kissing him goodbye, I head off. What I really do is find Farrah and ask her to help me shop for more suitable clothes. She is more than willing to help.

When I return to the hotel I find Gage in front of a big, blank canvas. There's and old blanket underneath the area to protect the hotel carpets. He asks about my many bags but I just play them off as unimportant to avoid any further discussion. I know he'll just tell me there was no need. The fact that he doesn't pursue that line of conversation lets me know he's pretty distracted and I'm grateful for that fact right now. I put the bags away and return to him quickly.

My personal artist has some white paint smudges on his face, some blue on his arm, even a little green in his hair. He isn't wearing a shirt, and his concentration is split between me and his latest piece. I ask about the interview, but he pretty much glosses over the whole thing. I can tell it would be pointless to try and hold his attention at the moment so I grab my clothes and head for the bathroom to change.

"Would you..." Gage begins to speak hesitantly, stopping me in my tracks. I wait for him to finish his question, but he just gathers some color onto his paintbrush and mumbles never mind as he strokes a few more lines on the canvas.

"Go ahead and ask me your question," I say, stepping closer.

He looks me straight in the eyes, trying to decide if he will share. After a loud exhale he goes on with his thought. "You know I respect you, and I don't want to overstep any boundaries or anything...so just remember that you can say no and I will totally understand."

"O-kay..." I answer, stretching out the word, uncertain of what is about to come.

Gage is quiet for a moment as he appears to gather his thoughts. "The person that came to interview me today asked me about the Bambina collection." He averts his eyes away from me and back again every few words. "He said the collection comes across as a boy seeing this girl's beauty for the first time, and that's pretty true. I mean, in the way I see you."

He pauses and I remain silent, knowing that he's uncomfortable but will eventually get to his point. He finally continues with, "He asked if I'd ever take it further…out of the innocent…and create something more mature."

I swallow, a small, "Oh," escaping my lips.

"I said I wasn't sure since my work is a very real part of my life, and as such, is changing and developing daily."

I nod, agreeing wholly.

"He said all artwork is very personal to the artist; that's what makes great art stand apart from okay art. I've been trying to capture you in a certain way, but I don't think my imagination does you justice."

"You...want me to pose for you?" I ask quietly, tilting my head to the side.

He looks into my eyes and swallows visibly. With a nod, the next word out of his mouth is barely audible.

"Topless."

I know Gage's style. You don't look at his paintings and see the subject, me, right away. They are abstract to a degree, but not so abstract that the woman can't be seen. If you look at the painting long enough you begin to see me. My cheekbones. My nose. My lips and hair. In other words, I know this won't be some kind of tits and ass porn.

"How do you want me?" I ask confidently, more than willing to help him take his career to the next level.

He clears his throat as I take off my shirt, then my bra. He stutters a bit as he gives me direction. "I-I…uh…I guess on the bed...maybe kneeling facing the window so I can do your profile." I follow his instructions which sounded more like a question than a statement. As I settle into position he asks me to gather all my hair so it falls straight down my back. Once I finish I hear him moan, "Perfect," as he begins to paint.

It takes very little time once he has everything laid bare before him. He becomes solely focused on one thing, capturing his vision. I know I made the right decision when I see the finished product. It's nothing I will be embarrassed for the public to see. They are the lines of a woman. The details are not of my body, just the illusion of it. He has captured my hair as thick black and green lines interspersed with thinner lines of blue. The painting is suggestive, not realism.

I smile as I look at his work. "It's beautiful," I say as I wrap my arms around his waist and feel his lips on my head.

"Only as beautiful as the inspiration." He takes my chin and turns my face to look at him. "Thank you for trusting me."

"Thank you for giving me every reason to trust you."

UtB

The summer runs by as a blur of art shows, cocktail parties, and Gage working on new projects. His career is in high gear and there is little down time. We agree to stay for an additional two weeks once the tour wraps up in August so we can actually enjoy Europe as a couple. See a few sights, enjoy the surroundings, maybe even have a few moments of quiet with no plans.

As the summer draws to an end I find myself thinking about how much I miss home with more frequency. I feel a little sad to be going straight to Chicago from here, without seeing Wildwood or any of my favorite people. As I think about that list of people I don't want to miss seeing, I hate the fact that Edward is on it. The last I heard from him was when I first arrived. In a nut shell, he said the only things he had left to say to me could only be done in person. That too much miscommunication was happening through these messages, and to please just give him a chance to explain everything - in person.

I've also talked to Rose recently. She has e-mailed me pictures of Cayden all summer long but his first birthday is coming up. His party is this weekend…and I'm going to miss it. This definitely makes me sad.

I've been thinking about that specifically when I enter the bedroom late this night to find Gage sitting on the bed twirling his phone around in his hands. He looks tired and I understand exactly why as I think back on our time together. His routine this summer has been grueling but he's always found time for me. We eat together at night, mostly room service at one in the morning. We spent time talking, kissing and touching each other softly, but nothing too serious. He has shown me that he respects me and I love him all the more for it. Today was the last official day of his tour and now we get to do whatever we want for the next two weeks. I would be thrilled if my mind wasn't clouded by homesickness.

"Hey," I say flopping down on my stomach, propped up on my elbows, on the bed next to him. He grins at me while he continues to twirl his phone. "What?" I ask, noticing a white envelope on the bed next to him.

"So I know we planned to stay here for a couple more weeks...but how would you feel if we went somewhere else instead?" he says mischievously.

I squint my eyes at him, trying to figure out what he's getting at. That's when it hits me and I hop up into a kneeling position. "To go home?" I ask with a huge smile, immediately thinking about calling Charlie or Renee. I have enough money in savings to get me to Wildwood.

Gage nods, picks up the envelope, and hold it out to me. "Open it," he says. I take the envelope and slide my finger under the flap to find two plane tickets. "How would you feel about showing me around Wildwood for two weeks?" he asks.

I crawl into his lap, reach out to grab his face and plant a kiss on his lips. "I'd love to. Thank you so much, Gage," I say between playful kisses all over his face.

He laughs at my craziness and finally says. "Start packing, girl. It's not going to be easy to have all our shit together so we can catch this flight in the morning." He slaps my ass and pushes me off of him.

As I run off to gather my things I realize how happy I am that I'll get the chance to see Edward…and then I'm overcome by grief when I realize that was my first reaction to going home. I brush it off as a simple reaction to seeing him for the first time since we reconciled, and get to work.

Okay, can't wait to here what everyone is thinking/feeling...if you are all seeing the reasons for all the drama now...Love you all! See you soon - hopefully no longer than 2 weeks!


	29. Chapter 29

**The light at the end of the tunnel? It's becoming brighter.**

**Chapter 29: Parties and Tests**

**BPOV**

"Wow," Gage says, removing a paintbrush from between his teeth. "You look great."

I could say the same for him. There's something very sensuous about the jean clad, shirtless man sitting behind a canvas in my childhood bedroom. He hasn't shaved in days and the scruff on his face is quite the contrast to the nerdy sexiness of his glasses.

I smile nervously, not at his compliment, but because there's a strong possibility I will see Edward today and the thought alone is wreaking havoc on my mind. Edward and my brother have become good friends over the last year and I assume he was invited to the party, too. While Edward and I have been talking very easily through Facebook and texts, being in the same room with him will be completely different.

"Thanks," I say, walking toward him. He reaches out and places a hand on my hip. "Are you sure you don't want to come? I hate leaving you by yourself."

"I'll be fine. I really wanna work on this," he says as he points at the canvas with his brush. "If I finish before you get back, I'll give you a call."

I nod. "Maybe we can go to the beach or get something to eat afterward. I left the address and phone number over on my nightstand."

" Okay. Now, you better get out of here while you still can. Those heels...your legs..." he says with a smirk, pulling me closer. I run my hand down his chest, and smile at him as he squeezes my ass.

"I've gotta go or I'm gonna be late," I whisper against his lips. I kiss him chastely, and smile when he groans as I pull away.

"Have fun, babe," he says as I turn to walk out of the room.

UtB

Moments later I pull into Emmett's and Rose's driveway and park next to a car I don't recognize. I exit my car and head to the front door. I raise my hand to knock but the door swings open before my fist can even make contact. Emmett stands in the doorway with a huge smile on his face and my adorable nephew on his hip. I immediately think I may have to start calling Cayden "Mini-Me" because he looks so much like my brother. Then I think my heart might pop when Cayden's smile grows wider and he holds his arms out for me to take him.

"Hey, sis. You're early," Em says, stepping aside so I can enter the house. I reach out to hug him and take Cayden at the same time. Emmett leans out the door and looks around before asking, "Where's lover boy?"

I can't help but roll my eyes at his comment. I don't know if it's simply his overprotective nature kicking in or if there's some other reason, but Emmett does not like Gage. When I asked Em what his problem was, he just shrugged it off and quickly changed the subject.

"Working. He'll stop by later."

"Oh. About that..." Emmett says hesitantly, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck.

Before he can say anything else I hear someone squeal my name. I turn toward the sound and see Alice running toward me. We wrap our arms around each other in greeting. Now the unfamiliar car in the drive makes sense. She explains that she and her baby girl, Stella, came to visit Edward. When Rose found out they were in town she invited them to the party.

As Alice and I chatter I hear, "Hey, Bella," and look up to see Rose. She leans in to give me a hug also and whispers, "Edward's here. No big deal, I just didn't want you to be caught off-guard."

I nod my head as she pulls away. I knew there was a chance I'd see him, but I was hoping I'd get here first and have some time to settle in and prepare myself. Before I can give it much thought Alice and Rose pull me into the backyard to help with the decorations.

The first thing I see is as I walk into the yard is Edward holding Stella in his arms. He's smiling down at her and looks to be talking even. If I had a camera it would make a perfect picture. As if he feels me staring, he looks straight up at me and smiles pleasantly. I smile back, wave and mouth the word "hi". He returns the wordless greeting and continues to hold my gaze.

Rose must sense my anxiety because see grabs me and leads me to the waiting decorations. In moments I'm completely caught up in my task and sufficiently distracted from Edward for the time being.

UtB

The party was a great success and we've moved into clean-up mode. I offered to clean inside while Rose and Alice focus on the yard. That's why I'm elbow deep in soapy water when I hear my phone alert me of an incoming text as it sits on the counter. The message says that Gage is on his way over. I turn my focus back to the dishes.

"Hey," Edward calls from behind me, his voice soft and but clear in the quiet. I turn and he hands me another dish. "Need some help?" he asks, grabbing a towel and one of the wet plates waiting to be dried. I just nod and offer a small smile in reply

We work side by side without talking for a while but eventually the silence gets to me. "How have you been?" I ask.

"Good. I'm not sure if I'm ready for school to start again. Two months just fly by," he says with a laugh.

There's another lull in conversation but I'm waiting for Edward. I can tell there is something on his mind and he'll get to it if I'm patient. I know I'm right when he reaches up and runs one of his hands through his hair.

"Could we go somewhere...to talk?" he asks quietly.

Every part of me wants to say yes, but Gage will be here soon. It would be wrong to ditch him to talk to Edward.

"Um…not right now." My statement sounds more like a question and I start to explain as I see the look of hurt on his face. "Gage is on his way over so we can paint Cayden's room." He nods but continues to look disappointed, and I can't handle that. "I can call you when we finish and maybe we could get together then?"

"Sure," he replies, but it sounds like there's a hint of disbelief in his voice, like he thinks I'm blowing him off.

The two of us finish the chore quickly and the atmosphere in the room becomes oppressive and heavy. We need to fill the empty space in the room now that we no longer have the dishes to occupy us. I'm about to pass out when Edward finally asks, "So, how was Europe?"

"It was amazing but it's hard to be around society people for that long without going a little bit nuts." We both chuckle at my admission

"So…Gage. You're happy, right?" he asks gently. By the look on his face I can tell there's no hidden meaning behind the question. Right now he is just one friend checking on another friend's life. I nod in reply because even though I know I can be myself, it still feels weird to discuss that part of my life with him.

"Good. I just wanted…" I never find out what Edward wanted because he's cut off by Emmett's booming voice as he enters the kitchen.

"Oh, Bella-boo! Your lover boy's here..." Emmett takes one look at Edward and stops his sing-songy teasing and makes a choking sound to cover up his blunder. Could his timing be any worse? "Uh…I mean Gage is here. He's in the living room talking to Mom."

I nod and mumble thanks, shoving the dish towel I use to dry my hands into my brother's chest as I walk out of the room.

I walk into the living room and spot my paint covered boyfriend talking to my mom. As I enter their personal space he laces his fingers with mine and kisses my temple. The way he looks down at me makes me feel so warm inside.

"Farrah overnighted a package to me. It came to your place about an hour ago." Gage tells me, with a smile he can't conceal even if he wanted to. I can tell he's trying to convey this tough guy, who-gives-a-shit attitude that guys often use whenever anything good happens to them, but he's failing miserably. Boys and their hesitance to show any emotion is something I don't think I will ever understand.

"Oh?" I ask, wondering what would be important enough to send overnight that would also make him smile so wide it looks like his face is about to crack.

"The painting I did…in Europe," he prompts, raising his eyebrows in emphasis. I nod, immediately knowing which painting he's referring to. "It made the cover of Art magazine next month. She sent me the advanced copy."

"No way!" I exclaim, wrapping him in a hug. "That is amazing!"

"I know," he admits, laughing into my neck. He squeezes me tighter and whispers, "Thanks to you," into my ear. His warm breath sends shivers up my spine.

"Well, did you bring it with you?" my mom inquires.

Everyone has gravitated toward us and our mini celebration. I feel my face heat up as I look around the room, If Gage did bring the magazine, my family is about to see a side of me they never have before.

Gage points to my American Eagle canvas bag sitting on the floor close by. "I figured you wouldn't want to paint in that outfit so I brought you a change of clothes…but the magazine is right on top."

His thoughtfulness makes me smile. I reach down and grab the magazine out of the bag. I feel so proud of his accomplishment as I see his name superimposed over an image of the painting. Despite those feelings, I'm torn about passing this around right now. It's not that I'm embarrassed for others to see the image, but I would rather not be in the same room when they do.

I finally swallow my pride and pass the publication to the person standing next to me. I try to act comfortable while my family looks at my boyfriend's painting of a topless girl. I try to convince myself that it's really no big deal; it's art after all.

Emmett's the only one to show…disapproval…over the painting. He takes one look at the cover, tosses it onto the coffee table, and presses he heels of his hands into his eyes. After a couple deep breaths he drops his arms to his side and eyes first me, then Gage.

"Really?" he finally asks, sarcastically.

"Emmett," Mom warns.

"It's just a piece of art…" I mumble.

"You're right," he says with a nod. "It's a nice painting, Gage. It'd be even nicer if it wasn't my sister's tits I was looking at."

"Well, thank you Em, for so kindly pointing that detail out to everyone," I huff.

"Shit, Bella! I should not have to see you…" Emmett stumbles, looking for the right words. "…like that!" he finally settles, flinging his hand toward the image on the table.

"When are you going to get your own life and stop trying to control how I live mine?" I ask harshly, stepping toward him.

My progress is halted when Gage grabs my arm. As I shake his grip off and turn to get away from Emmett I notice Edward staring at the cover. He looks up at me, then over at Gage. "That's amazing. Congratulations," Edward states, offering Gage his hand.

Gage shakes Edward's hand and says, "Thanks," as Edward hands the magazine back.

I feel extremely awkward in this moment so I decide to leave the room. "I'm going to get changed," I whisper to Gage.

As I pick up my canvas bag and turn to leave the room I notice Edward standing just outside the living room, nursing a beer. He is right next to the hallway that leads to the bathroom. I decide to make my move before I lose my nerve, so I grab his arm as I walk past him and pull him down the hall with me.

I stop in front of the bathroom door, put my hand on the knob, then turn to face him. The hallway is dark and quite, especially compared to the room we just left. He is standing so close I can feel the heat coming off his body, his warmth hitting me in waves as his breathing becomes shallow and labored.

"So, tonight around ten…under the boardwalk?" I ask, trying to ignore the way my body naturally responds to his. Just inches separate us, leading to temptation I didn't expect. I watch his Adam's apple bob as he swallows, nodding his head in agreement. Before I can do anything I will regret, I turn the door knob and slip into the safety of the bathroom.

By the time I exit the bathroom most of the guests have left the house and Gage and I head for Cayden's room. We are going to paint a mural on the bedroom wall. After much consideration we decided to paint his name against a faux brick wall. If it comes out right it should look like graffiti. Hopefully it will be something that will grow with him.

After working for a while I hear clinking behind me. I recognize the sound of the mixing ball inside a can of spray paint and realize Gage is about to get started on the lettering. He insisted that it had to be spray paint for the authentic look of graffiti. I look away from the section of brick I am working and see Gage pop the top off the can out of the corner of my eye. He steps back to get a better view. The problem with that is that his gaze is locked on me. I stop completely and turn to look at him.

"What?" I ask.

"Oh, just trying to figure out where I should begin." His eyes move back to the wall in contemplation.

I shrug, but no sooner do I turn back to my work when I feel a cold blast of air against my butt and the back of my thighs. I look over my shoulder, trying to see what happened. That's when I notice the blue line zigzagging over the ass of my shorts and continuing across my skin. "You didn't?" I ask in shock.

"I did," he shrugs nonchalantly.

"You are gonna pay for that!" I warn as I dip my brush into the wet paint and try to wipe it down the side of his face. He grabs me, pinning my arms down to my side, and I feel my feet leave the floor.

"You think you are so smart and sneaky." He shakes his head at me in amusement. I roll my eyes at the fact that my threat has no effect of him.

"Just put me down," I state calmly.

"Or what?" he teases.

"I'll yell for Emmett."

I cock my head to the side and smile smugly as he grumbles something along the lines of, "Let's not give your brother any more reasons to kick my sorry little ass," as he puts me down.

"He's just protective," I defend.

"No, he just wants you with his new besty, Edward," Gage sulks.

"He does not, silly boy," I respond, tapping my finger to his nose and leaving a smear of paint before I turn back to the wall.

I blow off the comment, but it does make me wonder. Is that what Emmett wants now that he knows Edward? I begin to paint again but I notice our playful banter has been replaced with a lingering silence so thick it makes it almost painful to be in the room.

"I wouldn't give a shit if I didn't think you wanted that too," Gage finally adds, breaking the horrible silence.

"Are you really worried about Edward?" I ask as I paint. It's not as if Gage doesn't know about my past with Edward but we've never really talked about how it might affect our future together.

"It doesn't matter," he mutters, kicking at the tarp on the floor.

I stop my work and turn back to him. "You're right. It doesn't matter because I'm here…with you. If that doesn't speak for itself then I don't know what to say."

He nods, but still doesn't make eye contact with me. "Let's just forget I brought it up. I was just being stupid."

The problem is that we can't forget it now that someone brought it up. No matter how hard we try to put it behind us and get back to our fun time together, the thought still sticks around, buzzing in our heads like an annoying fly. It colors every word and deed for the rest of the evening.

Utb

That night is the first time I ever blatantly lie to Gage. I tell him I'm going to meet Riley alone because it's the only time his friendship still feels real to me. Whenever Kelsey is around, we have to pretend she knows Riley better than I do so she won't get upset. Gage believes me because that's one of the things I complained about to him and Jamie. The truth of the matter is that Gage obviously feels threatened by Edward and I don't want to fight about it.

I slide on jeans and a white t-shirt after my shower. My hair is still damp as I lean over to offer Gage a peck on the lips, but I don't care. "I won't be long," I assure him.

As I walk outside I realize that it's colder than I expected and it gets worse the closer I get to the ocean. I have to duck as I walk under the boardwalk from the street because the elements have made a sand pile the size of a small mountain. As soon as I can I stand up tall and I take a deep breath, savoring the salty air. As I stand there with my eyes closed, I notice another familiar scent wafting to me. I realize it's the sweet smell of Edward and I open my eyes to take him in.

The mixture of both scents tells me I am truly home.

I smile as he turns toward me. "Hi," I whisper softly.

He walks toward me. Without speaking he wraps me in his arms and buries his head in my hair. His grip tightens as he finally says, "Hi." I can feel the relief in his voice as if it were a physical touch. The way we greeted each other at the party was a watered down, weakened version. This is our real hello.

As we break apart he notices the goose bumps on my bare arms. He rubs his hands along my arms twice and says, "You must be freezing."

"A little," I admit. "I didn't realize it was this chilly when I left the hotel...and I didn't go back for a jacket because I didn't want to keep you waiting."

He smiles and shakes his head, then reaches behind his neck to pull his sweatshirt off. I feel a tinge of guilt over my excitement as his t-shirt rises and I catch a glimpse of skin and his treasure trail. Memories flash through my mind and I remember how much I enjoyed running my tongue down that very path. I stop myself just before I tell him how beautiful he is.

I know better than to argue as he hands me the sweatshirt so I simply bite my bottom lip and say, "Thank you." I put it on and then we sit down, side by side, in the sand. I pull my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. Then I rest my cheek on my knees so I can stare at Edward. This quiet doesn't feel oppressive or painful. It only feels comfortable and right.

"I missed you this summer…this year, actually," he begins in a subdued tone.

I never really explained why I stayed away this summer even though I had given him every indication that I would be home at the end of the school year. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I -"

"Bella," he interrupts. "Please don't apologize for living your life. I guess a lot changed while you were in Europe?"

I look out toward the water and nod because that is quite the loaded question. I don't feel the need to explain my feelings for Gage, not like I did when it was Riley. I also want to call Edward a lair right now for claiming to miss me. As far as I know, Edward spent the better part of the year angry at me. Instead I take a deep breath and start to explain what weighs on my mind.

"I spent a lot of time coming to grips with this past year and I know 'sorry' will never be enough to express how I feel, Edward. It all happened and there's nothing I can do about it short of creating a machine that will rewind time so I can change a million things. All I could do besides say sorry...was to give you my journal so maybe you could see how much it hurt me too."

Edward draws my attention back to him by placing his hand on my arm. "I need to talk to you about that."

"I don't have much to say about it at this point."

"You don't have to. This is about something I should have stopped and figured out last year. Unfortunately, I was so wrapped up in my own hurt and anger that I couldn't see it."

I shake my head in confusion. "I don't understand. Figured out what?" I question.

"Look," Edward says as he runs his hand through his hair, nervously. I can tell he's afraid of how I will react to what he's going to say by the way he looks into my eyes. "I didn't even open your journal for months. I'm not - I'm having a hard time with all of this because I am mad at myself, not you, because I didn't handle the situation well. I'm upset that I wasn't there for you and know I don't know how this information might affect you...but I think it's only fair to let you come to your own conclusions."

I stare at him blankly. "What conclusions?"

He runs his hand through his hair again, I think more out of frustration this time and he sighs heavily. "If I meet a girl one night at a bar or some social event and she is so drunk that she's walking into walls...I wouldn't try and sleep with her because her ability to make that kind of decision is obviously going to be impaired, too."

Once he finishes his statement he just stares at me expectantly. Unfortunately, I have no idea what he wants me to say so I just go with my instincts. "Well, stuff happens. If you get that drunk you have to be ready to deal with the consequences."

Edward shakes his head forcefully. "Bella, I read your journal. I talked to Dean about that night. You told him on the way up to his room that you did not want to have sex. He acted like he always does, like he respected your decision, but what was the first thing he did when you got up there? He got you another drink, didn't he?"

This looks like one more way Edward is trying to make me feel like a child. Does he want me to say that Dean took advantage of me so he can feel better about the whole situation? "I didn't have to accept the drink, Edward. I'm a grown woman and I could have said no if I didn't want the drink."

"I'm going to be blunt, Bella. How much of that night do you remember?" he asks, turning his whole body toward mine.

I huff and shake my head, remembering as much as I can.

Dean's lips on mine. His body pressing against me. I stiffen as he tries to get me to lie back on the bed.

"Slow down," I say as his lips move on to my neck. He brazenly puts his hand on my covered breast and squeezes harder than is comfortable.

"You know you want this," he grunts.

The room is spinning and I am afraid to open my eyes. I'm afraid to move. I think I must have passed out for a while because the next thing I remember is being naked beneath him.

I try to push him off, shaking my head in protest. "Stop," I slur.

"I like your little game of hard to get," he says as he smiles down at me, holding my wrists above my head. "Just be a good girl, and I'll make sure we both feel good tonight."

"Dean, I -" is all I can say before his hand covers my mouth

I closed my eyes, there didn't seem to be anything I could do to stop him at this point. I shouldn't have been so stupid. If I hadn't let my anger at Edward rule me I wouldn't be in this situation. I'm here though...and I have no idea how to make him stop.

In a soft, steady voice Edward explains, "He admitted that you told him to stop, Bella. He took advantage of you. It doesn't matter how drunk you willingly got you still had the right to say no. You did what you could to make him stop but your couldn't fight him off because you're smaller and weaker than him. You being drunk made his goal easier, but it did not make it right." His tone begs me to believe his words, but I can't do that. I close my eyes and shake my head in denial.

I did everything I could to block out my memories of that night. I just chalked it up as one more mistake I never wanted to repeat; a life lesson learned. One thing I did not think of it as...was rape, but that is exactly the label Edward is using. My tears are too thick and coming to fast to be held back by my closed eyes, and they begin to escape and run down my cold cheeks.

Edward reaches over and pulls me into his arms. "So I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never told him your name. I'm sorry that I waited so long to listen to you. I hate the idea of anyone hurting you...especially like that...and especially someone I considered a good friend."

I don't even have words. I just lean into him and let him hold me. I feel his hand stroking my hair and every so often his lips touch my head delicately.

I must fall asleep against him because the next thing I know I wake up screaming from a nightmare that I haven't had in quite a while. I guess talking about Dean brought out all my old fears.

"Iz! Izzy!" Edward says, shaking me. "Wake up, baby. It's just a dream."

We are both on our backs in the sand and my head is resting on his chest. I tilt my head up to look at him in confusion. Hearing him call me baby and Izzy...it's like a dream come true. It definitely helps distract me from the nightmare.

"Crap..." I mumble, noticing the sun peeking over the water.

"Yeah, we feel asleep. Sorry. I'm sure someone is worried about you."

"Shit." I begin searching for my cell phone. There are a few missed calls from Gage. I push my hair back off my face with a sigh and look at Edward. "I have to -"

He reaches out and takes my hand. "Don't say it. Please don't walk away from me," he pleads with both his words and his eyes. "I have been waiting for this time with you for what feels like forever."

My stomach is in knots. My inability to say no to him is going to cause heartache for someone else. I feel like life is testing me. Can I handle this better than I did before?

EPOV

It's been a little over a year since I have felt this complete. Having her in my arms and calling her baby is so natural. For a split second I feel the need to apologize for those things…she has a boyfriend after all and I shouldn't take such liberties. I refuse to say I'm sorry though, because it would be a lie. She will always be my baby regardless of any other attachments she may have. Her hand reaches out. I feel the warmth of her touch as her fingers lovingly stroke my cheek and jaw.

"I – um…just give me a few minutes to call Gage." I nod and watch as she turns and walks toward the ocean. The sun rising in front of her makes a glorious backdrop.

I can't hear what she's saying, but they don't appear to be arguing. That fact makes me feel a little better. I don't want to hurt anyone else, and I honestly don't think Bella would ever forgive me if that happened again anyway, but I need to know what happened between Valentine's Day and June.

I really thought we were making progress. I thought I could begin to show her how important she is too me once she returned home. Then she didn't come home and she became romantically involved with another man, leaving me completely confused. Did I say something that upset her? Does she feel more for Gage than she feels for me? Did she simply outgrow me while she was away? If I have to wait any longer for answers I will go insane.

I only realize I've been pacing and pulling at my hair when I stop to watch her walk back to me with her arms wrapped around her tiny frame. "Everything okay?" I ask.

"I told him I'd explain everything when I got home, but that I needed a little more time," she answers timidly.

More time. She's giving me more time. I'm so happy I can hardly think straight, let alone form a coherent sentence. "Let's...just…come back to my place. Please."

UtB

Bella follows behind me in her car. When we pull into my driveway, I rush over to open her car door out of habit. There is nothing but silence between us as we walk to the door though. I have so many things to say, and no idea where to start.

Once inside, Angel attacks Bella. She smiles as she reaches down and gently rubs Angel's ears, calming the dog instantly. I just chuckle at their happy reunion. It's like no time has elapsed between the two of them.

I offer to make some coffee, but quickly become distracted as Bella pulls off my sweatshirt. I get a glimpse of pink by her hip bone and the urge I feel to touch it makes me groan. It takes all the strength I have not to close the three step gap between us, push her up against the door and kiss her with every fiber of my being. Instead I turn and practically run to the kitchen to busy myself making coffee.

When I return, hot coffee in hand, she is sitting on the couch. "Thanks," she says, taking the steaming mug from me. I sit down on the opposite end of the couch, still clueless as to where to start.

"What are you feeling?" she whispers to me over the rim of her mug.

What am I feeling? I stare into my mug as if the answer is in there. I finally blurt out, "I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" she coaxes.

I look at her quickly but have to avert my eyes again before I answer. "I'm scared that the girl I encouraged to grow up has outgrown me."

From the corner of my eye I see her shake her head in protest. "That's not true at all," she argues.

"But I don't understand why you went to Europe then. I feel like that was your way of telling me you chose him over me. Why did you go?" I ask in aggravation.

"Because of Jane," she answers immediately.

"Jane?" I repeat, puzzled by her response.

She nods. "I didn't like the idea of you talking to me about where things could go between us while you were still with Jane."

"I understood that there could be no one else. I told Jane I couldn't be with her anymore last Valentine's Day. If you thought I was leading Jane on, why didn't you say that?" I'm frustrated beyond belief now but trying to control my emotions.

"You ended things with her on Valentine's Day?" She speaks the words through an unsteady intake of air. When she exhales, she mumbles an "Oh, God," and sounds as if she's on the verge of tears.

"What's wrong?" I ask, moving closer.

"What's wrong?" she echoes. "Everything is wrong. My choices were based on a Facebook relationship status and my inability to just ask you straight out what was going on. I thought…" Her voice cracks and she composes herself before going on. "I thought that if you really wanted me, you would end your relationship with Jane. And then Gage admitted that he hadn't messed around with a girl since November because he was waiting for me. And I thought..."

"His actions showed you how much he valued you," I interrupted. "And that I was just stringing Jane along until I could be with you again." Although I hate the fact that this is what drove her decision to stay away this summer it makes me feel good because it means she has not outgrown me. I sigh in relief and smile as I realize we may be able to fix this yet.

"Bella, I haven't thought about my relationship status on Facebook since the day Jane jokingly posted it. Jane and I were never a couple…we were just convenient for each other. We fooled around because we were comfortable with each other and we were both hurting because we were in love with someone else. It was stupid, and shallow, and after you and I talked on Valentine's Day I realized that every time Jane and I were together I actually felt emptier inside. I am so sorry I ever started that."

"What? Why are you smiling? This isn't…" She shakes her head in disbelief, or maybe confusion, as tears well up in her vulnerable brown eyes.

I cup her face in my hands. "I know, Iz. We lost a lot of time over some incredibly stupid things. Let's just move forward," I beg.

"Forward? What is forward, Edward?" she asks, as I use my thumb wipe away her tears.

"Forward is us…together, Bella." I close my eyes and shake my head vigorously. "Just answer one question. Do you want to be with me?" I ask fearfully.

A feeling of gloom hovers over my head again as I worry that she may pick him. He makes sense for her after all. I understand that they have the same interests, a strong friendship, and are close in age...but he does not love her like I do.

She whimpers and replies, "I have to go back to school in ten days..."

I place one of my fingers on her lips to stop her. "That's not what I asked you, Bella."

She opens and closes her mouth several times before she jumps up from the couch and says, "I have to talk to Gage."

I stand with her, take her hands in mine, and pull her close, leaving no space between us.

"Do what you need to do and then come back to me," I whisper, letting my lips touch hers ever so gently, then rest my forehead against hers. "I'll do whatever I have to do in order to make it…to make us…work this time. That's a promise."

She swallows and breathily responds, "I better go." Ever so slowly, she backs away from me.

I want to ask her what exactly she needs to talk to Gage about because then I might have a clue as to what she's thinking. Instead, I silently follow her to the front door. She reaches for the knob and I place my hand against the door, unable to let her go without some form of reassurance. Her brown eyes snap up to meet mine and I make my last plea. "Promise me that no matter happens, no matter what you choose, that you will come back to talk to me."

Her delicate hand caresses my cheek as she firmly replies, "I promise." She rises up on the tips of her toes. The movement causes a fresh wave of her scent to wash over me. I close my eyes, savoring how good she smells. Very gently, her lips touch my jaw and I'm done for.

I remove my hand from the door and let her go. Unfortunately, that never gets any easier.

UtB

Two days. It's been two very long days since Bella left me to talk to Gage. I haven't seen or heard from her and the suspense is killing me.

I try to stay busy so I won't think about her absence but so far that's not working very well. As a matter of fact, Bella is all I can think about during my jog with Angel. I normally distract myself with music, but it all reminds me of her so I give up and try to figure out what to do during this time.

The biggest obstacle is figuring out what to do next. I left the ball in her court, so to speak, but I'm dying to contact her. Of course I'd also rather die than put too much pressure on her. Since I made it clear that I wanted to hear from her again I guess all I can do now is wait. Of course, we talked about some life altering things so she should take all the time she needs. I'm not going anywhere and I do want her to be happy with her decisions.

I slow my pace as I reach the end of my run. As I round the corner onto my block I notice a blue Mini Cooper in the distance. My heartbeat quickens, but not from the exercise, and I almost break into a sprint to get home. I slow to a walk when I finally see the beautiful girl sitting on my porch steps. Trying to make myself presentable I pull my wife beater off and wipe some of the sweat from my face. Angel runs right up to Bella and licks her face. I'm a little jealous about the fact that I can't greet her in a similar fashion but it does give me a chance to catch my breath.

Bella finally turns all her attention to me and stands up. "I guess I should have called first," she begins.

I'm momentarily distracted by the sight of her bikini under her white tank top but I do manage to say, "You never have to call first."

After a moment of silence her hand darts out to touch the tattoo my chest, the one for our baby. I watch her fingers as she traces the ink. We both look up at the same time and I explain, "That's what I wanted to show you earlier this year."

"It's beautiful," she says quietly as we continue to stare at each other.

After a moment I turn my arm and show her the other one, the heart she designed. Philly was impressed with her work. He said it was similar to his style but he added some more detail and some sea-foam green around the edges. Said it was his signature color.

Bella runs her fingers over her design, giving me chills. "It's better than I could have imagined." She smiles shyly before biting her lip.

I don't want to talk while smelling like a pig. "I need a quick shower. Do you want to come in?" I ask.

"Sure," Bella nods, following me into the house.

I tell her to make herself comfortable then run upstairs. I start undressing the moment I enter me bedroom, leaving a trail of sweaty clothes from the door into the bathroom. I turn on the water and jump in the shower as soon as the water is warm.

My hand naturally finds my cock which is rock hard after seeing Bella on my doorstep. I stroke it a few times before stopping myself. I don't have time to jerk off while she waits for me. I can't help myself though because all I can think of is her and the hint of her bikini top under her shirt. I close my eyes and stroke myself again as I imagine her.

As I stand in the shower I feel a cool breeze. I open my eyes and what I see stops the motion of my hand. "Iz?" I question as she steps into the shower with me, completely bare. She licks her lips then touches them to the tattoo. Her touch is heaven on earth.

"I have to leave again," she says shakily. "Give me something to come back to?"

I push her under the stream of water, taking in all her beauty. I watch the motion of my hand as the backs of my fingers trace down the side of her breast and ribcage. I bow my head, resting my forehead against hers. Our breathing is labored and we have barely touched one another. Her fingers weave into my hair and she pulls on it. It hurts, but in a way it's like she's showing me how tightly she wants to hold onto us.

I've thought about the promise I made to her two days ago. How I would do whatever it takes to make this work. I thought about all the ways I could keep that promise.

"I'll come to Chicago with you," I tell her.

"No...I'm..." Whatever she is trying to say is lost when her lips collide with mine in passionate, open-mouthed kisses. I push her against the shower wall. Her leg hitches high on mine. I instinctively grab her ass to pull her closer to me, helping her grind against me. I love how smooth she is down there.

I place kisses along her jaw, bite down her neck, swirl my tongue around her breasts. My hands hold her hips tightly as my mouth works further down her stomach until I am on my knees and her sex is flush with my face. I lift one leg over my shoulder and kiss the smooth skin of her mound. I use my tongue against her clit as I push a finger inside her. I love the feeling of her hands pulling my hair as I taste her.

Just like that, I am coming, only to be hit with the harsh reality that it's just me and my hand in the room.

I hurry and finish my shower, hating the fact that I am making her wait for me. I don't even feel relieved. If anything I need her even more than I did before the shower. I can't bear the possibility that she may walk away from me forever today, especially since I have my heart set on making love to her before she goes.

My dilemma is whether or not I should even try since I made her evaluate that night with Dean. The reality is that she may not want to have sex with anyone for a while. Then again, she may not want to have sex with me at all because her boyfriend wouldn't approve. Maybe I should have found out the generalities of her conversation with Gage before indulging in my shower fantasies.

I step out of the shower and dry off, wrapping the towel around my waist. I walk into the bedroom and stop dead in my track when I notice she is standing right there.

"I-I-I didn't mean to intrude or whatever," she stutters, "but I felt kinda lonely down there."

"It's fine. It's not like the thought of you coming up here to join me didn't cross my mind," I admit. Her face flushes and she looks away.

I walk to my dresser and grab a new pair of boxer briefs. I pull them on, then let the towel drop before putting on a pair of jeans.

I notice Bella stands still and doesn't take her eyes off me. She finally walks over to me before I can put on a shirt, wraps her arms around me and lays her head against my heart. Her body is wracked with sobs and I can feel her tears on my skin. I smooth down her hair, trying to offer what comfort I can.

"Why are you crying?" I ask, leading her to the bed and guiding her to sit on the edge with me.

"I told Gage...everything…the truth," she begins between sobs. "About Dean," she chokes out, still clinging to me.

"Calm down, baby. We can't talk or figure anything out like this. I'm not going anywhere," I assure her.

"I'm sorry," she says, as she pulls away. I grab a tissue from the night stand so I can wipe her wet checks.

"Don't be sorry," I encourage.

She finally gets control of herself and begins. "I'm leaving for school in a week." I nod because this is not unexpected. "I have decided this is my last year in Chicago. I don't know what I'm going to do after that. I may transfer to a four year school or just try to find a job."

I just want her to know I support her decisions. "You can do whatever you want and I will stand by you...if that's what you want."

Bella laughs humorlessly. "Gage told me to do whatever makes me happy, too. The thing is…you both make me happy."

Maybe I got my hopes up too soon. "What are you saying?"

She hesitates before answering. "I need time."

I feel like a balloon that's just had all of its air let out. "Fuck! That is not what I wanted to hear," I respond as I tug at my hair.

"I'm sorry." she says again, sorrow and fear evident in her eyes.

I look directly at her and shake my head disapprovingly, letting her know it is not okay to say that to me. "I'm sorry for reacting that way. I just miss you so much. I shouldn't have expected that you would be ready."

She moves closer to me, her hand trailing down my chest seductively. She looks up into my eyes and says, "I just want to see what happens. I feel right here with you. It's so strong I can't fight it." She moves to straddle my lap and rocks against me, causing my eyes to roll into the back of my head. "I want you so badly. I don't want labels or expectations...I just want to feel." Then she leans in and kisses me deeply.

Like I could say no to her. "Whatever you want." I move my hands up the back of her shirt and feel her shiver.

"I haven't been with anyone for a year. I want you to remind me what it should be like."

I lift her shirt over her head. Her bikini top is strapless and held together by a tiny string between her breasts. I pull it, exposing her to me. I make sure I do everything gently and slowly because I want her to know that I will listen to her. She is safe with me.

"Tell me if something is wrong…if you need me to stop, okay?"

"I trust you, Edward."

Her nipples taste the same. Even her mouth is just the way I remember. I can't wait to find out if she still tastes the same below her waist. She feels so good, so right.

It doesn't even matter what happens. Whatever she wants or needs, I don't care at this point. I just want to give it to her. I want to be by her side when all her dreams come true. If that means I love her from a distance, then that's what I'll do.

Neither of us actually says anything but I think it's pretty clear that these feelings aren't fading with time. They are real and no matter how much we try to bury them they just won't be covered, not for long anyway. And when they do resurface they're only stronger than before.

UtB

No matter what she asked for I did not fuck her. I didn't have sex with her either. I did, however, worship her the way she was meant to be worshipped.

Afterward, she stays wrapped in my arms for hours. We lay in bed and talk and laugh until the sun rises. We watch it from the balcony outside my bedroom and then she falls asleep.

I know I should try to sleep too, but I can't. My mind is full of…everything Bella. All the work she has done at school, a million stories about her roommate Jamie, and even Gage. He really isn't as awful as I made him out to be. I should know by now that Bella is a decent judge of character.

She told me about how well Gage handled everything, too. How she misjudged everything and made decisions based on faulty assumptions. She didn't want to hurt him, or me, or herself anymore. She wasn't sure what would happen or when she would have any answers for either of us. All she could do was see what the future held and work on communicating better. She needs time. I don't know if Gage is going to wait for her or move on, but I can't concern myself with that. All I can do is try my best to give her what she needs. I'm pretty confident that her feelings for me are much deeper than that of some hormonal teenage girl.

I told Bella about school. How hard last year was with all the speculation about the two of us. How some of the girls were a bit to forward with me, mainly Abby. I told her how I kept myself busy coaching and that I hope to get a boys team next year. The girls are just too much for me when they're in big groups like that. I definitely felt ganged up on. Bella laughed at that part and it made me feel so good to see her happy. There were no lies or feelings of impending doom between us.

She asked about Jane and if we were still close. I told her she is a friend, but nothing more. A friend who has been very busy with her tattoo artist boyfriend lately.

That brings me to the other reason I can't sleep. Jane and Philly are coming to visit for this last week of summer and they are staying in my guest room. If I had known Bella would be around, I would never have agreed to it but you know what they say about hindsight. Of course, it's not as if I need to be some tour guide, just a gracious host. John, being from Philly, knows the shore. Most people from that area spend a week down here or a few weekends a month every summer. I know he mentioned coming here for the tattoo conventions, too.

The more I think about it, the more I realize having Bella here is going to work out perfectly. That way I won't feel like I'm intruding on their 'couple time' and they won't feel as if they are making me into a third wheel.

I know Jane will be here soon but I'm not going to wake Bella up. She's had quite a bit of stress over the last couple days and could definitely use the rest.

UtB

Bella's still asleep but I'm downstairs waiting when my company arrives. Jane doesn't bother to knock or ring the doorbell; she just swings the door wide open upon her arrival. I greet her with a kiss on the cheek, a shake of John's hand, and a request that they keep it down because Bella is upstairs sleeping.

"Bella?" Jane asks with a gasp. My only response is to smile into my third mug of coffee. "So, I don't get to kick her butt then?" Jane seems a little too upset about this.

When Bella left me hanging earlier this summer, Jane was pissed. She threatened to beat her up because she hurt me.

"Be nice," I order, pointing a warning finger her way.

"If that's what you want, but just remember that I've got your back," she responds seriously.

I wave them off to get settled but soon they're back downstairs, ready to hit the beach.

Jane knows I won't wake Bella up or leave her to go with them so she doesn't even ask. I let them know I'll ask Bella if she feels like going when she wakes up. Knowing Bella, she won't want to miss any time on the beach. While we talked she kept mentioning how much she missed the feel of the hot sun beating down on her. I think she might be a little upset she didn't make it there yesterday...not that I think she'll complain about how she actually spent the day.

I have some work I need to finish in order to be organized for the beginning of the new school year so I take advantage of the alone time to make sure I have everything ready for the first day.

Bella doesn't sleep long and within two hours she's skipping down the stairs. She looks so adorable in little boy short underwear and my wife beater.

"Hey," she says as she wraps her arms around my neck from behind the couch. I lean back, letting her plant a small kiss on my cheek. "Watchya doin'?" I can feel her smile against the back of my neck.

"Just school stuff. It can wait." I rub her arm before she lets go. "Oh, I forgot to mention earlier…" I begin, as she walks off. I'm a little worried about her reaction to my houseguests so I only hesitate for a second. If I don't make a big deal of this then she won't have a reason to either. "Jane and her boyfriend John are staying here this week."

"Oh?" Bella comments as she stands in the kitchen peeling a banana.

"They went up to the beach a few hours ago...wanted us to come up and hang out if you want to."

"Sure," she answers as she bites into the banana. "I'll go get ready."

UtB

The week flies by and I must admit that I'm pleasantly surprised by how well the four of us get along. Bella went home to get some clothes but other than that she hasn't left since I found her on my doorstep. Not only am I fine with that but I would have begged her to stay if it looked like she was contemplating leaving.

John finds it hard to believe Bella is only nineteen. "Almost twenty," she corrects. It stings that I won't be with her on her birthday.

"When's that?" John asks.

"September. It's not a big deal though. I don't really like to celebrate."

I lean in and kiss her bare shoulder. "What do you want anyway?" I ask softly.

She turns and furrows her brows. "Nothing," she says with a shake of her head, but she's been joking with John all week about getting another tattoo.

He's been trying to persuade her to come work with him when she graduates.

I think they are both serious and just won't admit it.

I know Bella isn't sure exactly what she wants to do as far as a career in art is concerned. She says she isn't confident enough to ink someone's skin permanently, but I think she really is intrigued by the prospect.

I talk to John about doing something for her birthday before she leaves for school. The day before she leaves I got Jane to take Bella on a grocery and liquor run so we could celebrate that evening. While they're gone he sets everything up in the living room.

I invited people over, too: namely Emmett, Rose, her mom and Phil, Lauren, and Riley. I wish Jasper and Alice stayed longer, but Jasper had to get back to work. It's a birthday/going back to school party and Renee even decided to bring a cake. I'm not sure how this evening will go over with the two of us acting more like a couple and less like friends in front of her family, especially in front of Emmett, but I'm looking forward to giving it a try.

UtB

Jane brings Bella back just in time. She stands in the middle of the room taking in the tattoo guns, the small cups for ink, and the black latex gloves. She furrows her brows and shakes her head. "What's all this?"

"Consider it an early birthday present. I wish I could get to Chicago to spend it with you, but I can't take time off that early in the school year."

She throws her arms around my neck and whispers, "Thank you," in my ear. I close my eyes, inhaling her scent. "You can see it when it's done," she says as she pulls away with a sly smile and a peck on my cheek. Jane pulls me into the kitchen for some party prep, which is evidently code for "distract Edward".

I point to Bella and say, "I want to see the new art as soon as you're done." She blows me a kiss as I back toward the kitchen.

It's hardly an hour later when I hear her calling my name. John says the tattoo should be covered for the first hour, so if I want to see it sooner rather than later, I need to come look.

Bella's hair is pulled up high in a messy bun. "Ready?" she asks. I nod and when she turns around she has the same tattoo on the back of her neck that I have over my heart. "Like it?"

"How could I not?" I ask her rhetorically with a kiss under her ear.

Before long everyone starts showing up for the party. Bella says she wants to kill me and so does Emmett. The difference between the two of them is that I think Emmett is joking. Renee tells him to behave, pointing out that his sister is only a few weeks away from turning twenty.

Bella spends a lot of time playing with Cayden and showing him off to Riley and Lauren. Kelsey came too and I have to admit that it's weird having students in my house like this...watching me love Bella…who was once their classmate.

Just a few more days and she'll be gone. Will this feeling of her being mine again be gone too? I know if I don't end up with Bella I will always think of her as the one that got away.

**Thanks Everyone! See you soon! Hopefully about 2 weeks!**


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30: Lessons in Happiness

We don't even know what to say - except Happy New Year and hope that things pick back up with this and we can be consistent with updates. Also - thanks to everyone who is still with us and being patient, as we muddle through life.

Also, Happy 2012... As of Midnight on the 31st, I'm getting married :)

Hope to be back sooner rather than later - xoxo

"Welcome back, Mr. Cullen," Mrs. Cope says with a smile as I enter the office.

"Thank you, Mrs. Cope. And how was your summer?"

"It was great. Yours?" she asks, handing me a cup of coffee.

There is no way to adequately describe my summer. Spending time with Bella, talking to Bella, being with Bella; it was everything I needed in order to confirm that I should wait for her... no matter how long it takes.

Even without answering, my smile must give me away because Mrs. Cope chuckles and asks, "So, how is Bella?" I just roll my eyes. There's no use denying that she is the reason behind my current good mood.

"She's..." I pause to think about my reply. What should I say; amazing, brilliant, beautiful? I finally go with a simple but honest, "...ah, she's good. Busy though."

Mrs. Cope starts to say something else, but Liv walks into the office at that exact moment.

"Welcome back, Ms Remy." I attempt to remain completely courteous and professional. Liv's only answer is a tight lipped smile as she runs her left hand through her hair. Neither Mrs. Cope nor I miss the sparkle on her ring finger.

"Looks like you finally made an honest man outta that boy," the secretary jokes. I don't know what to say so I just sip my coffee to occupy my mouth. This shouldn't be weird but I actually feel a bit jealous. Not because I regret ending my relationship with Liv but because I would love Bella to make me an "honest man".

"I'd like to think so," Liv replies with a nod and wide smile, but it looks like she's also trying to hide a bit of embarrassment.

I finally gather my wits and offer, "Congratulations, Liv," before turning and heading to my office.

UtB

The first month of the new school year flies by. According to the veteran teachers this happens every year because of the new schedules, incoming freshmen, and general chaos. It would appear that everyone is getting into the swing of things because today was calmer.

I start to pack up, eager to get to my car so I can call Bella. She called earlier but I couldn't talk at the time. Instead, I promised I would call her right after the school day ended. I realize that not everyone has the same priorities that I do when Marcus stops in my doorway and asks to talk.

"What's going on?" I ask, shoving my hands into the pockets of my grey slacks.

"I wanted to go over the agenda for the school board meeting this week," Marcus informs me.

"Of course." I extend my arm, signaling him to take a seat.

Bella picks that moment to call. I can't answer my phone but I don't want to press ignore either. I just let it go to voice mail since the ringer is already off. Marcus notices the phone as the screen lights up but doesn't say anything. He does give me a rather interesting look and I wonder if it has something to do with the picture that appears whenever Bella calls. It happens to be the two of us kissing on the Ferris wheel and the thought takes me back to that night.

"_This is so...high school," Bella says with a roll of her eyes._

_"Are you too mature for the rides now? As if high school was that long ago…for either of us. I'm not that old, ya know?" I lean over and nuzzle my head into the crook of her neck, grinning from ear to ear. Her hair tickles my face and her sweet scent invades my senses. My entire body is energized by having her so close to me. _

_I kiss her again and snap another picture while holding the phone in front of us. I can only hope that I captured the moment. When I look at the picture I'm amazed that it turned out perfectly. The colorful lights of the ride surround us. Her ivory skin is luminescent against the dark sky. The bright stars shine above us. Nothing compares to how beautiful she looks kissing me. _

"_Besides, I didn't get to do this with you then," I reply, tickling her side._

"_Yeah? What else did we miss?" she teases._

"_How about I show you?" I whisper right before my lips attach to her neck just below her ear. She moans and her fingers find their way to the hair at the base of my neck. I push my body against her, wanting nothing more than to be connected to her. She must want the same thing because she grabs my face so she can kiss my lips forcefully. _

_Later that night I do show her what we weren't able to do during her time in high school. We dance in the moonlight. We skinny dip in the ocean and get carried away when she wraps her legs around my waist. We make out in my car twice, getting caught by a cop the first time and then by Emmett the second time. _

_It didn't really surprise me considering we were parked right outside Twilight and the windows were fogged up, but the knock on the window did cause both of us to jump. Bella pulls away, situating herself in the passenger seat. I smile like a fool as she readjusts her top. Even the thought of Emmett waiting to punch me in the gut can't take away the happiness Bella and I feel right now. I give her a peck on the cheek before pushing the button to roll down the window. I clear my throat as it lowers to reveal a ticked off Emmett with his muscular arms folded over his chest. Is that supposed to intimidate me or something? Actually, it might if I didn't respect his sister and have her best interests at heart. As it is I know we aren't doing anything wrong. _

_"Did you need something?" I ask with the most innocent look I can muster. _

_"Just my baby sister," he grunts. _

_I turn to Bella with a puzzled look on my face. "Baby?" I repeat in mock confusion, turning back to Emmett. "I don't know anything about a baby. How 'bout you, Bella?" I question as I look back to her. _

_"Nope," she answers, popping the 'p'. "No baby here." She shakes her head and offers Emmett a sarcastic smile. _

_I shrug my shoulders. "Sorry, bro." My finger finds the button and push, bringing the window back up with Emmett fuming on the other side. Attempting to hold back laughter, I lean over the center console to kiss my girl again. Her laughter isn't contained very long and soon we crack up. We rest our foreheads against one another until our laughter dies down and our eyes lock together, both trying to freeze this moment in time._

Even here in my office, conducting school business with Marcus, I still remember vividly how soft her cheek felt under my finger tips as I traced her face, enjoying the warmth of her breath as she released it methodically every few seconds. Breath. Stillness. Breath. Stillness.

Fortunately I snap out of my memories before Marcus has to call me out. I follow his lead and sit down behind my desk. Of course, that thought brings out all sorts of insecurities. Even though this is my office and my job I still feel as if I always have to prove myself because I'm young and inexperienced. I'd like to think my Ivy League education was the reason I got this job, but if I'm being honest – it probably had more to do with my father, his charity to the community, and his connections. My father did not make those charitable donations with the intention that one day he would call in a favor for his son. The fact that he truly desired to help the community doesn't change the fact that I feel undeserving since I benefited from his generosity.

That internal battle is one of the reasons I work so hard. I never want it to be said that I do not appreciate what I have here. With everything that happened during my first year, I'm actually amazed I'm still working. I truly walked a fine line when I attempted to date Liv. Then Mr. Banner came so close to discovering my relationship with Bella.

I still don't understand why he was always so hard on her. He seemed to have no tolerance where she was concerned. I do know he was another serious candidate for the vice principal position and from what I've heard it was his lack of tolerance that tilted the scale in my favor. Even after two years I still haven't found a way to cut through the tension between us. As a matter of fact, Marcus and I spend half our time this afternoon talking about the laundry list of issues Mr. Banner wants to address at the board meeting.

I can't help but sigh in annoyance and pull at my hair every ten minutes. It's an hour past the end of my work day and I'm still stuck in my office. I shed my tie thirty minutes ago but now I feel the need to unbutton the first two buttons on my white dress shirt and lean back in my incredibly comfortable leather chair, a gift from my parents, in order to ease my tension. That doesn't work for long though so I push away from my desk and stand, trying to work off some of the excess energy.

Just then my phone lights up again. Marcus stops speaking mid sentence. "Don't you want to get that?" he asks, trying to conceal a smirk.

As much as I want to say yes, I simply slide the phone off the desk, press "ignore" and slip it into my front pocket.

"You are allowed to check in at home when you're running late, you know. This meeting is going to be tense to say the least and I need you on top of your game. I can't risk you losing sleep because the boss sent you to the couch when you didn't answer her call."

I shake my head in disagreement, and then untuck my shirt tail from my slacks. "Bella is still in Chicago."

"Good for her," he says, a look of shock clear on his face. "I thought she might transfer back to the area to be closer to you."

I'm not exactly thrilled by his insinuation. "I don't want her to sacrifice anything. There is absolutely no reason for her to race back because I'm not going anywhere. Well, except home," I add sarcastically. "Really Marcus, I'm beat. Banner is going to speak his mind regardless of our level of preparation. Hopefully everyone will see how ridiculous he is and he will dig his own grave."

"That attitude is exactly why I picked you to fill this position," Marcus compliments with a pat on my back. "Always so sure the good guy will triumph simply because that's what should happen."

I can't help but disagree when I think back to all the stolen moments I had with Bella while she was still a student. And having sex with her in this very building while I was directly responsible for her? I lean forward and place my palms flat on my desk because thinking of that day has an immediate effect on my body. Thankfully I had already untucked my shirt and that helps to hide my problem.

"I appreciate the sentiment but we both know I can be the bad guy when necessary."

"You're too hard on yourself. I think for two people so clearly in love you showed extreme restraint staying away from her while she was a student and even more courage when you let her go follow her dreams."

I chuckle as I grab my suit jacket off the back of my chair and pull it on. "Well, I'm still waiting to see if that whole if-you-love-something-set-it-free philosophy works where she is concerned."

"It's already worked, my boy," Marcus says as he pats my left cheek, "You are just too cautious to put stock in something that isn't concrete. The fact that she calls five minutes after the last bell rings speaks volumes about what her heart wants, even if her head hasn't figured it out yet." He smiles a knowing smile and turns to walk out of the office. As an afterthought, he yells, "Go call that girl of yours," over his should as he walks away.

I manage to lock up my office and get to the parking lot before I pull the phone out of my front pocket. That's seems like quite the accomplishment considering it's been taunting me with the promise of Bella's voice for over an hour. I want nothing more than to have her close to me again. I've been tossing around the idea of asking her to spend Thanksgiving with me but I'm afraid it may come across like I'm trying to control her life. I don't want to push anything further than she does so I'm trying to following her lead.

"Hello," her voice filters through the phone when she picks up after the second ring. There is a lot of noise in the background; I even hear a male voice call her name. "I have to take this," she says and the background noise quiets.

"If you're busy now you can call me back later," I offer. It's not a sincere offer as I want to talk to her more than anything right now.

"Are you crazy?" is her response. "I see these people all the time. Your call is the best part of my day so far."

I smile at her confession and admit, "Mine too." She giggles softly and I think _dear God I miss her_.

"I miss you too," she says and I realize I must have spoken my thoughts out loud. I laugh, then decide to dive right into the deep end.

"Emmett mentioned you won't be coming home for Thanksgiving."

"No. Charlie really wants me to come to Forks. He bought me a plane ticket and everything."

"That's great." I try to sound upbeat. Deep down I was hoping to see her in Chicago in a month. I would even stay here in Wildwood if I knew she would be home, but there is no way I can just happen to be in some forest in Washington State.

"I guess," she replies. She doesn't sound too excited and I imagine her shrugging her tiny shoulders in indifference. I wonder if she's wearing one of her tank tops with the thin straps...or one of the ten wife beaters she stole from me before she left. I loved coming home from my morning jog with Angel to find Bella in the kitchen wearing one of my white wife beaters, without a bra, and a pair of her hipster underwear that says something across her ass. My favorite pair said, "You're Welcome."

"You don't sound very excited about it." I'm not sure how I manage to keep the conversation flowing with the visual I just created. It must be because it doesn't come close to doing her justice.

She sighs and then says, "It's just weird. I don't know anyone out there except him and I don't even know him all that well. I just...I'm afraid I might be a little lonely. It would be nice to have a friend with me."

"You know…I could go with you," I blurt out.

"You know I can't ask you to ditch your family, Edward."

"I've spent twenty-three of my twenty-six Thanksgivings with my family and not one with the brown eyed beauty that holds my heart. Besides, they won't even notice my absence with Stella around," I joke.

"That's not true and you know it…but if you really want to come I think that would make it the best Thanksgiving ever."

"I do too," I agree. Before she can change her mind I decide to change topics. "How is my niece, anyway? I think you see her more than I do."

"I could say the same about you and Cayden."

I shake my head and chuckle. "I don't know how they do it. Seriously, I love babies and definitely want my own one day, but after watching Em, Rose, Jasper, and Alice juggle everything, I'm actually relieved one day hasn't arrived yet."

"Oh," is all she says. I'm not sure how to interpret that. Her voice is soft and shaky, maybe even hesitant.

"Izz...?" I begin before hearing Jamie in the background. It sounds like she's saying something about a doctor's office but I can't be completely sure.

"Edward, give me just a second. This shouldn't take long," she assures.

I try really hard not to listen but from what I overhear it is her doctor that she's speaking to. Bella's voice sounds far away and what I do hear has me worried. She asks what it means that her results are abnormal, and from that point on she uses mostly one word responses. She finally ends the conversation by making an appointment for tomorrow.

"Sorry," she says as she returns. With that one little word I can tell she is shaken up and trying to hide it.

"Everything okay?" I ask, because I need to know nothing is seriously wrong. The urge to be by her side grows into a pain in my chest.

"Well, that's kinda why I was calling you this afternoon. I have something I need to tell you but please don't be upset with me," she says timidly. Her tone and comment show me that she feels guilty, like she thinks this is something she caused and not just something that is happening to her.

"Izzy, I'm not going to be upset with you no matter what you think you did."

She takes a deep breath before speaking. "Well, I didn't plan the whole Europe trip very well and I ran out of my birth control pills in August. I called my doctor hoping she would fill it for me but she said no because it had been over a year since I had a Pap test. I guess the pill can cause cells to grow rapidly and if they are cancer cells or even pre cancerous cells then it can really speed up the growth. Since the need for birth control wasn't really an issue at the time I figured I'd just wait and get things straightened out once I got back home."

I still can't see why this would bother me. "And I would be mad about all this because?"

"Because of that night we skinny dipped in the ocean? I had my period in August, two weeks after I ran out of pills...but it's almost October and I haven't had it again."

Could this really be happening? "Shit. Iz, are you pregnant?"

"The test I took was positive," she confesses. "I know this isn't what you want right now and I'm so sorry. I mean, it's normal to have missed periods after coming off the pill but I should have told you I wasn't on the pill anymore."

The sarcastic side of me wants to say _ya think_ but that wouldn't do any good. I finally decide to go with, "It's not the end of the world, babe. I just would have liked to plan it."

"It's not a given. The results the doctor got were unclear so I have to go back for a blood test."

I nod, as if she can even see me. I don't realize I've been holding my breath until I let it out in a big whoosh. Although this news is just a bump in the road for me, this is the last thing in the world that I want for Bella.

**BPOV**

His silence scares me so I finally take a deep breath and break it. "I understand if you're mad at me and need some time to think."

Still nothing. He is just silent and it's killing me.

"Please talk to me, Edward. I'm sorry but I just wasn't thinking that night. All I wanted was to feel connected to you again."

"I'm not mad at you," he finally responds. "I am mad at myself though. I didn't want to cause anything that could stop you from accomplishing your goals in life. You said you wanted to transfer to a four year school. How can you do that with a baby? What is there for you to do in Wildwood? Hell, you may not even want to come back to Wildwood. If that's the case, babies cost a lot of money. I won't be able to make this type of salary as a teacher and no other school district is going to hire me as an administrator."

I don't think he's actually talking to me now. He's speaking so fast that I think he is just analyzing everything about the situation out loud. I'm touched that he's already trying to figure out how he would care for a baby and help me finish school. I have to stop him before he gets himself too worked up though.

"Let's just take it as it comes," I interrupt. "The home test could have been wrong and my doctor did say it can take up to three months for periods to be normal after going off birth control. Plus, her test wasn't conclusive either way."

"I'm really sorry for putting you in this situation again," Edward says with a note of disgust in his voice.

"I'm just as responsible as you are," I remind him.

"If you are pregnant, I want to do the right thing for both of you," he adds with conviction.

"Do you still want to come to Forks?" I ask, trying to keep my voice from cracking.

"If you want, I'd love to be there with you."

His words are so comforting. It's the best reassurance he can give. I completely understand that he isn't mad and he still wants me.

"I hate to ask this, Iz…but what about Gage?"

I almost laugh at his question. I'm pretty sure I do actually roll my eyes as I recall that mess.

_The day I came back from Jersey, I walked into the apartment I shared with Jamie and saw an open bottle of Jack on the coffee table and several other people in the room. _

"_BELLS!" Jamie yelled as she darted toward me, stumbling slightly in her drunken state. She wrapped me in a hug as I'd let my bags hit the floor. "I missed you," she said softly as she pushed a lock of hair behind my ear and gave me a peck on the lips. She was always overly affectionate when she was drunk, which left me a little edgy. I was always afraid that one of these days she'd actually slip me some tongue. _

_When I took a closer look at the people on my couch I noticed Gage sitting there with a big breasted blonde on his lap. She was the complete opposite of me. _

_I wasn't jealous. It's not like I wanted him to sit around and pine over me. I would be happy if he moved on…just not on my couch. _

"_Sorry," Jamie whispered sympathetically. "I didn't…I invited Jesse over and Gage just happened to stop by so I asked him in. I didn't think I'd turn into the third wheel all over again. I mean, it's not like I said he could come over with his date." _

_I nodded and placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. "I get it, Jamie." _

_I cleared my throat and walked over to my couch in my apartment, towering over the pair silently until Gage brought his icy blue eyes up to meet mine. They were so cold I barely recognized them._

"_Can I talk to you?" I glanced to Jesse, then back to Gage before I added, "Privately." _

_His eyes softened, and I had to look away so he wouldn't see me wipe a tear away from my eye. I knew what I did in Wildwood was a cop out and that I should have just ended things with him instead of trying to make it easier. _

"_Sure," he answered. He grabbed Jesse by the hips and lifted her off his lap before following me into the kitchen. _

_I turned to face him and crossed my arms over my chest. "I know I didn't handle things very well when it came to you and Edward and I'm truly sorry - but don't you think it's a bit vindictive to do that shit in my apartment?" I managed to keep my voice even for most of my rant, but did lose control and it rose a bit at the end. _

_Gage just walked toward me, staring me down and forcing me to step back until I hit the counter. He stopped just inches away from me but it didn't feel like he was trying to intimidate me, just like he wanted to make sure he had my full attention. _

"_I let you do the easy thing, Bella. I knew what you were doing, I just didn't know why. I wasn't sure if you were trying to spare my feelings or if you were just lying to yourself because you didn't want to be that girl." _

"_What girl?" I asked, even though I was afraid to hear the answer. _

"_HIS girl," he emphasized with a shake of his head. "I get that you don't want to belong to anyone. You want to be in charge of every feeling, every choice - but when it comes to Edward Cullen you aren't in control. He has power over you even if you won't admit it. You need to feel like you have some say when the truth of the situation is…you have no choice other than him. You may want me to be an option, and fuck if I don't want to win, but the reality is that the only choice waiting to be made is whether or not you give in to him. I won't stick around just to lose, so…I kind of got a head start with the rebound shit. I didn't know you'd be here so soon and I'll leave now." _

"_I'm sorry," I managed to say, because I couldn't argue with anything he said. He wrapped me in a hug and I cried on his shoulder. _

"_I don't want you to be sorry…I want you to be happy. You are happy with him and that's rare. Maybe for some people happy isn't a place you live but a place you get to visit sometimes, and that's ok for those people. But Bella, you get to live there if you live there with him." _

_He kissed me on the cheek, walked out of the apartment and I have hardly seen him since. Jamie has seen him and lets me know that he's okay. I still consider him one of my best friends because it's not every day that you find a person willing to give up his happiness so someone else can be happy. Really though, why would you want to be with someone when you knew they weren't as happy as they could be? _

I snap out of my remembrances and remind Edward, "I chose you. I knew the moment I saw you at Cayden's party that it was always you but I was just too afraid to admit it because all I want is to...have some control over the matter. The truth is I don't though. By admitting that, I also give you power over me. Once I give in to being with you...then all I want is to come home to you. Unfortunately, I need to finish school and knowing that I have you waiting for me tempts me to quit and come home. It doesn't seem right declaring all this over the phone," I finish softly.

"I love you, Iz. So, so much. We'll make it all work."

I hate crying but I realize that's exactly what I'm doing and stop to wipe the tears away. I have to get the words out. Those words I've been unable to say due to my crazy circumstances. The words that express the feelings I've avoided and buried for far too long. "I love you too, Edward."

Edward is quite for a minute before he lets out a frustrated groan. "It doesn't feel right being so far away from you right now."

"Which is one reason I've been hiding from all this," I reiterate. "It's impossibly difficult to be away from you when I know we could be together. It just makes me want to come home."

"You're right. It is hard and it does suck, but it's better than holding back. There are only seven more months left until you graduate," he says to brighten my mood. "I do want you to make me one promise though."

The silence is heavy after Edward's statement. I get the feeling that he might walk away for my benefit if it's a promise I can't make. I finally ask, "What's that?"

"I never want you to give up an opportunity because you don't want to be apart. You are young and I would rather die than become a source of regret in your life."

I pause to take in the seriousness of his words for just a second before I answer. "I promise to do the best thing for me even if it's not the easiest thing."

He expresses that he is ready to fly into Chicago at the drop of a hat, but I won't let him. He has important things going on at school and I can handle a few days wait for a blood test all by myself.

The next few days pass in a blur. I work on school assignments, sketch out a few tattoo designs, and watch Jamie stumble in drunk a few nights.

"I'm sorry I didn't invite you," she apologized the first evening. "Didn't think it would be good with, you know..." She motioned toward my stomach as her words trailed off.

I was curled up on the couch flipping through the TV stations, hoping something would miraculously change the third time around. "It's cool. I'm not really in the mood to be a social butterfly anyway."

The truth is I'm lonely and I feel very isolated in all of this. I can hardly handle Edward's worry and really feel guilty about causing him even a little bit more so I can't talk to him. Jamie would stay in and talk to me if I asked her to but that would ruin the act I'm putting on for her benefit. I told her I'd be totally cool if I'm pregnant, and part of me is completely honest when I said that.

Another part of me sees how much that would change my life and I don't want anything to do with that right now. I mean, I just got this huge envelope from Barnard College in New York City. I didn't tell anyone but Emmett and Charlie that I applied as a transfer student because I didn't think I had a shot in hell. Now the envelope sits in the top drawer of my dresser, taunting me. Just imagine me, Bella Swan, Visual Art major at Barnard. The thought puts a smile on my face. But that would be impossible with a baby... or in Wildwood. Edward loves his job. He loves teaching art and being a school administrator. It's the best of both worlds for him and I could never ask him to give that up.

I could always take John up on his offer and become his apprentice and learn to tattoo. Maybe I could eventually open up my own shop in Wildwood.

That would be more practical…but I promised Edward I would do the best thing for me.

My phone chirps, alerting me I have a text from Edward. He's been sending me texts full of song lyrics he says remind him of me. Since it's the middle of the day he must be teaching an art class but I love the fact that he's still thinking of me.

_Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face_

_I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase_

I can't help but laugh. He is at work, surrounded by students, and this is what he is thinking about; my body as his wonderland? Poor man. I always play back so I send him the next line in the verse.

_You tell me where to go and though I might leave to find it..._

The thought of those words makes me pause. He has no idea how true they may be. I never saw myself wanting that kind of education but Edward has inspired that desire in me. I can feel myself swell with pride when I think about being able to say my boyfriend went to Cambridge.

_I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it._

_You want love? We'll make it swimming in a deep sea_

His next text ends the game. _Speaking of the sea...any word from the doctor about the blood test?_

I can picture him nervously running his hand through his hair, pulling at it a little as he waits for my answer. His image is fresh in my mind because he told me earlier he hadn't shaved in a few days and I made him take a picture and send it to me. I love him all scruffy.

_Not yet. I have to call Charlie now. Make sure he is prepared for two for Thanksgiving. It's a good thing you are over 3000 miles away. _

I end the text with a little wink and he replies that he loves me.

I did intended to call my father right then but when I thought about how the conversation would go I decided to take some time and find the right words first. Unfortunately, I had no clue what they were. I quickly decided not to mention the possible pregnancy. No one is getting that news until I am sure.

When I eventually look at the time I see that it's getting late. The fact that Charlie is most likely about to pass out in his recliner while he watches ESPN with a beer in his hand urges me to pick up the phone. I know I was right because the phone rings five times before a groggy voice mumbles hello.

I try to call him Dad when speaking directly to him, even though it still feels a little off.

"Hey, Dad. I didn't mean to wake you up. Sorry," I apologize as I pace in front of my bed.

'Bed' makes me think of Edward. What the hell? I'm on the phone with my father.

"Any time, Bells. You know I'm always here for you," he reassures.

"I was actually calling to talk about Thanksgiving," I begin.

"You aren't bailing on me are you?" He sounds so worried, like the idea crushes him. That warms my heart.

"Of course not."

"Good, 'cause I've been bragging to everyone at the diner and the station. No one can believe what a beautiful girl I have."

"Dad," I whine. I'm sure his words make me blush.

Without missing a beat he goes on. "There's a boy here in town, had his eye on you last time you came to visit. Nice kid. I invited him to eat with us on Thanksgiving."

"You didn't..."

Charlie interrupts before I can finish my thought. "You're young, Bella. There are lots of fish in the sea and it doesn't hurt to get to know some."

"That's kinda why I was calling though."

"I thought you said Gage wasn't able to come, or that was over. I can't keep up with you..." Charlie says after a pause.

Here goes nothing. "He isn't...and we did break up…but Edward is coming."

"Edward," he repeats in a flat tone of voice, "as in Vice-Principal-Cullen-who-got-my- teenage-daughter-pregnant Edward?"

I'm a bit surprised by the hostility in his voice toward the end of his statement. "Yeah, that would be the one. I thought you liked him."

Charlie grumbles something about me needing more time to myself to figure out who I am. Not who I am with Edward, but who I truly am. He goes on about how important it is for me to be self reliant.

"Dad, Edward is part of my life. I know who I am and I know I don't need a man to take care of me. I can take care of myself."

"I hope he doesn't mind the sleeper sofa," Charlie adds. I'm glad he can't see me roll my eyes but he must realize my pause means I'm frustrated because he goes on. "I'm serious, Bells. I don't want to hear about any more babies until your married…like your brother."

I just keep my mouth shut. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Flat out lie? Tell him I'm waiting for the blood work to come back? If I brush him off it seems like I'd be admitting his fears are real.

I finally go with, "Just relax, Dad."

"Whatever. By the way, I have a check for you when you get here. It's enough money to secure your seat at Barnard."

"You don't have to do that," I argue.

"You're right. I don't have to, but after everything I missed I really want to. Don't argue with me, just make me proud."

In moments like this I know exactly what to call him. "I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Bella."

I smile and hang up the phone…because I really love having my father in my life.

**and P.S can I just freak out a littlebit that we're already on chapter 30? holy cow.  
**

**Thank you for reading, seriously.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Thanks for being patient. This isn't Beta'd but we hate making you all wait. I promise this won't be forgotten about and it will be finished in time.**

**Love you ALL! **

**Chapter 31**

**What's in a Name?**

**BPOV**

I open the door to the spare bedroom at my fathers house as slowly and quietly as I can manage, the creaking makes me close my eyes in a silent panic of being caught by my father when I'm sneaking down to my boyfriend in tiny lingerie.

I can just picture Charlie waiting for me (or Edward) at the top of the steps, shot gun in hand. The thought gives me goosebumps, and I try not to freak out.

I tip toe down the carpeted hall and let out a sigh of relief to have made it this far. Each step makes a sound against my vain attempts to make myself weightless and able to float down the steps.

It's dark except for the light flickering from the TV in the living room. I was looking forward to waking Edward up, but I suppose having him awake is just the same.

When I enter the living room, Edward is fast asleep. I smile at how he feel asleep with the TV on. I giggle a little when I notice his right hand down the front of his flannel pajama pants.

I crawl onto the pull out bed, kissing his neck, causing him to pull his hand out unconsciously. I swing my right leg over his waist straddling him. I almost lose it when I feel how hard he is beneath me. He moans, as I rock against him. I feel his hands grab my hips and he stills me. I'm not sure if he is awake, but he takes control and guides me against him.

I kiss his neck below his ear, and enjoy when he responds by kissing me back opening my mouth wide for him to dominate. Suddenly, he stops and his eyes open in shock.

"Iz, what are you doing?" he asks, lifting me off of him. His voice is gravely and low.

"Trying to release some of this sexual tension," I explain, cuddling closer to him.

"We did it in Chicago before we left in your bed, with your roommate in the other room...and again when we got here like four hours later while your father ran out to the store...it's been like five hours since then, not that I'm complaining, but I really don't wanna piss your father off anymore than I am going to once he hears the news this weekend."

I frown at him, "Edward I can't help it!" I whine. "This," I place my hand over my lower abdomen that is slightly rounder than it was last month. "Makes me so horny!"

He laughs, pulls me down close to his side, then buries his face in the side of my neck. I can feel the warmth of his lips against my neck. It's not helping to calm the swirling of hormones happening inside me at the moment. I take the small invitation to move my hand down his chest while I bring my lips to his for a deep kiss. When I get to the waist band of his pants, and I feel some sense of victory, his hand comes over mine keeping it from moving any further.

"Gahhh!" I pull away in frustration.

"Please, it will break his heart enough that his little girl is pregnant, it will scar him for life to actually see her having sex...on his couch."

I roll my eyes, then roll over on my back. "I can't sleep without you knowing you are so close."

"Then...just go to sleep." He kisses the side of my head, holding me tighter against his side. My head rests on his chest. "Love you," is the last thing I remember saying before waking up the next morning.

In the spare bedroom.

UtB

"Shit. Shit. Shit."

I brush my teeth after the last wave of morning sickness hits, and rush my way downstairs. I expect to see Edward asleep on the sofa, but when he isn't there and I hear voices in the kitchen, I know I slept really late.

It's noon.

"Hey." Edward looks up from a pile of school papers on the table.

I smile at him, walking over to kiss him. When his hand ghosts over my belly for a brief moment, I freeze. Edward just smiles, and when I look at Charlie, his mustache twitches, but his eyes don't leave his newspaper.

"Morning, dad." he grunts, and turns the page.

"Hey, sleepy head."

"Is that turkey I smell?" I question Edward with a raised eyebrow.

"It is...I think your dad and I have it under control."

I bit my bottom lip and look around the kitchen in doubt. "You should have woken me up. I was looking forward to doing this today...aside from Em, I have the most important men in my life. I wanted to take care of them." I slump down in the chair between Edward and my father, pretty disappointed.

"You have the rest of your life to take care of others. I figured you needed the rest, and there is plenty left to do." Edward tells me, placing his hand on my knee.

"Saved you some breakfast, Bells," Charlie says, putting a plate of food in front of me. The smell alone makes my stomach turn.

I use my feet to push myself away from the table, "Excuse me," I say as calmly as possible. As soon as I am out of Charlie's line of sight, I run for the bathroom.

When I finish throwing up, Edward is waiting on the other side of the door. "Okay?" he asks, tucking some hair behind my ear.

"You sick?" my father asks, coming up behind Edward.

"I - ah, have a strong aversion to scrapple," I can't believe I'm doing this, when I know we have to tell him before we leave.

"Right," Charlie says, walking past us into the living room.

UtB

Dinner is done, and I'm trying my best to eat, it just isn't working. Thankfully, my fathers guest wasn't able to make it once it was clear I was already taken. Aside from that small disaster avoided, there are too many things untold, lingering. I don't just mean being pregnant.

Edward has no idea about college in New York. Which is nothing compared to the news I got the day he arrived in Chicago about my Pap smear. News that I have so many questions about that I can't get answers to until I see the doctor after the weekend. I don't want to worry him, because he will want to know things that I can't answer.

All I know as of now, is I need another test. The doctor needs another sample to look at more closely. I have no idea what that could mean for the baby. Or if I could have the C word.

I unconsciously, rub my stomach.

"Bells," my father's voice draws me out of my thoughts, when I look up he has an envelope in his hand. "I thought this be a good time to give this to you. I'm proud of you."

I nod, taking the envelope. "Thanks, Dad...but I don't think I'll be needing it." I know its a check for Banard.

"What?" Edward asks looking between us.

"Money for Banard." I manage to take another small bite of mashed potatoes. I really want to underplay it.

"Banard?" Edward's eyes are wide with shock and pride. "You didn't even tell me you applied. Why -?"

The once casual conversation is now all over the place and I don't know which man to address or answer first, as my dad begins to show his confusion over not needing the money.

"Why? You in a rush to get back to Wildwood with-with...him." the disdain in Charlie's voice over the possible influence Edward has on me, couldn't be mistaken.

"Dad...don't."

"Bella, why didn't you tell me about Banard? If you want to go..." Edward begins.

I can't take them both talking at me. I just let it all out. There is no good way to tell your father your un-expectantly expecting. I turn to Edward, his comment just pushes me over the edge about still going.

"What? You'll move to New York? Support me as best as you can as I try to raise a baby and take classes? And you take a job as a teacher for half of what you make now? Cause that will be really good. As if living in New York City isn't expensive enough, lets do it on half of what you make now, with a baby." I spit out not caring about how the so called cat got out of the bag.

"Baby?" Charlie says a bit too loudly. "I knew it." he shakes his head, he pushes back in the seat making a loud scraping sound against the wooden floor to stand up.

"We can figure something out. You don't need to sacrifice anything. I won't let you." Edward tells me.

I glance at my father pacing, mumbling to himself. "Dad - sit down please...I'm sorry if this disappoints you, but I have some other things going on...that I need to tell you both. I really wanted to wait until I had more answers, but I might as well just tell you what I know."

"I guess it can't get much worse," Charlie says, sitting down and pushing himself back in to the table.

Oh, it can always get worse, I think to myself staring at my plate of food. I look up, first at my father, then at Edward.

"I didn't tell you..." I begin taking a deep breath then letting it all spill out in one long run-on sentence. "Because one of the tests I took at the doctors came back showing abnormal cells, and they need to take another sample. It's probably nothing and will go away - but it could be more serious. I really won't know until I get back to Chicago and see the doctor on Tuesday to have the other procedure done. So I have no idea what is going to happen."

"You said test first, now its a procedure...my father is a doctor Bella - there is a huge difference. What kind of procedure? Is it safe for the baby? Is it something you'll need to do in the hospital?" I really hate that he is the son of a doctor.

"It's just done in the office, it's a coloscopy or something. She just uses a microscope to look more closely at the cells then takes a sample from where abnormal cells show up."

I stand up, leaving the table. I can't believe I just let all of that out. I feel like my chest is caving in as I climb the steps and lock myself in the bedroom upstairs.

I sink to the floor against the door, bringing my knees to my chest and hugging them close to my body. I can't hear the exact words, but I can hear Charlie being louder than he needs to be. Not exactly yelling at Edward, but it's apparent he isn't happy.

I hear the sound of feet climbing the steps, and Edward say how sorry he is. "I love her. I want the best for her too. Whatever that happens to be, I won't let her miss any opportunity. I won't force her to do what you or I happen to think is best for her either. At the end of the day - she isn't sixteen anymore. She's almost twenty-one."

I feel the door shake with the sound of Edward's knocking, "Iz, let me in, please. You just can't say all that to me and walk away."

I slide over so I'm not blocking the door. I reach up for the doorknob and turn it pushing it open a little for him.

He walks in, sighing before kneeling in front of me. "You have to talk to me. You don't have to deal with all this by yourself. You don't have to do what is expected or traditional being a young mother."

He pushes my hair out of my face, "I'm sorry," I tell him as he sits down in front of me. He holds his hand out and opens himself up for me. I let him pull me onto his lap, my head on his shoulder. "I didn't say anything, because I'm scared they will tell me I have cancer and shouldn't have the baby. Which I could never do...And in either case, what's the point thinking about Banard? I don't even know if I'm healthy enough to handle all that."

"Shhh, you are getting way too ahead of yourself. And...I'm no expert but I think it's pretty rare for someone your age to get cancer."

"Cervical cancer is one of the most common cancers to affect young woman," I whisper, looking up at him through my eye lashes. "You know, the whole HPV thing. That virus? My mom told the doctor not to vaccinate me against HPV when I was fifteen. She thought it was too risky. It be fitting that I'd end up with the virus that can cause cancer."

He wipes his thumb over the apple of each cheek. "People don't form friendships and relationships to deal with problems alone. You don't have to do anything alone ever again." His words bring more tears, and he soothes my hair with his hand. "I'm going to call my father, make sure he finds you the best doctor in Chicago to handle this. You will be fine. Our baby, will be perfect. You are..."

"Please don't say fine." I stop him. "You don't know that." His lips touch the top of my head, and he holds me tight.

"I should come back to Chicago to be with you this year. It's not right for you to do all this alone."

"No. You love your job. I love Wildwood. I want to be there."

"If there is something going on, and you need me. I have to do what is best - for my family. And that's you, and this little baby growing inside you...so if it's not going to be a typical pregnancy, Iz, I'm not going to be far from your side if you need me. And you finishing school, is important."

"I don't have to have a college degree, I mean you have a good job and everything." I feel like saying that, will make him think I can't be independent. "I mean, I'd like to, but sometimes life gets in the way...and its not like I need a great job."

"Iz, if you want to come back to Wildwood, and be a mom - and that will make you happy, I'll support you. But I know you. You want more. You wouldn't have applied to Banard if you kinda wanted to go. We just have to take things one at a time right now, so lets just focus on your health, then we can figure out the rest."

He picks me up, and places me in the bed curling up behind me. "I love you." I tell him.

His hand gently caresses my stomach, "Love you too," his fingers go beneath my shirt, I love feeling his palm against my growing stomach. I'm going to enjoy how cute it is right now, because I'm sure in a matter of months I'll feel like a beached whale.

That is really the last thing I should be thinking about, if the worst thing that happens is twenty pounds, I shouldn't even complain about it.

All night I have nightmares about getting fat.

**EPOV**

"I need to change my flight for Sunday afternoon. I need to get on Flight 5432 to Chicago." I tell the airline company as I look at Bella's return flight information.

"Sure Mr. Cullen I can help you with that. You are aware of the fee's involved?"

I sigh, "Yes, it's fine."

"I have two seats left on that flight in first class for $915, would you like to purchase this?"

"I don't really have a choice...my girlfriend has a seat in economy, can I upgrade her to first class with me?"

"That shouldn't be a problem," the operator tells me in a voice that is way to sweet for someone who is about to overcharge me hundreds of dollars with fee's and penalties. Not to mention the cost of the ticket itself is ridiculous.

After I max out my credit card, with the hopes that my father will lend me the money I need to get back to Wildwood, I figure now is a better time than any to call Marcus about needing some time off.

"Marcus, it's Edward. I hate to call you over the holiday break, but something has come up, and I won't make it back by Monday." I tell him.

"Is everything okay? Will you be back Tuesday?" he asks.

"I'm honestly not sure...Bella is..." this is not how I pictured breaking the news to work about having a baby with a former student. "...expecting." I finally say.

"Well, congratulations Edward! Are you helping her get things packed to move home with you?"

"Not exactly, she's having a few complications. She has an appointment Tuesday, and I don't feel right about leaving her until we have some more answers. She is going to finish school if possible, and move back home in June. I'm not really sure when I'll be back...we are going to have to wait for lab work."

"I'm really sorry to hear that, Edward. We have an important meeting on Thursday we need you there."

"I know, I'll try my best to be back in time, but I need to put my family first right now." I explain to Marcus.

"Of course, I understand. Family first. Just keep me updated, I hope everything comes back good for you both."

"Thanks Marcus, I appreciate it."

When I hang up the phone, I head back to the bedroom where I last saw Bella, fast asleep. The bed is empty, and I notice the bathroom door shut. "Iz?" I ask.

"Just a minute!" I hear her struggle to get the words out. I can tell she is crying.

"Can I come in?" I ask her.

When she doesn't answer, I push the door open and sneak in sideways. "You okay?" I ask taking her in. She looks so hot. Wearing nothing but bikini cut white underwear with pink lace and matching bra. I really can't take my eyes off her tiny bump right below her belly button. Her breasts are a little fuller, and so is her ass.

God, I want her so bad. I move closer to her, my mind is getting filled with dirty, dirty ideas and all the things I want to do to her. The thought of her father down stairs should make me want to stop, but it spurs me forward.

I come up behind her, kissing her neck. I can't help it, spinning her around to face me, my hands squeezing her ass, "I want you...here, so bad." I tell her focusing on her sweet ass.

"I don't see how you could want any of this," she says pulling away, then motioning to her body,

She is staring at her stomach, then ass. "I have other things to be upset about right?" I'm not sure if she's asking me, or trying to be more rational about gaining weight while pregnant.

I shake my head because I'm confused. "What are you upset about?" I ask her. She huffs, pulling her jeans off the floor sliding them on each leg. When she gets them on her hips, it obvious there is no amount of sucking in that will allow her to fasten them.

"My jeans won't button...I weigh 118 pounds...I've never gone over 110... I've never seen you with a fat girl," she starts to cry again.

"Fat girl?" I question her. "You are not fat. And for the record, I am not some shallow guy . For the record, Jane wasn't always a size four. Back in high school, she was one of the 'chubbier' girls. I was still attracted to her when she was a size ten. Do you know how amazed I am that your growing our baby inside of you? I don't think there could ever be anything..." I think about saying beautiful, but it seems like a line. "sexier," I settle on walking closer to her again.

I put my hands on her hips and begin to peel the jeans off her body, "Look I already have a head start." I make her laugh with the comment before tossing the jeans back on the the bathroom floor.

I press my lips to hers, my hand anchoring on the side of her neck. I kiss her deeply, our tongues sliding against each others sensually. I move to focus on her neck, ears telling her how bad I want her, how much I love her.

Her hands grasp my hair, her breathing hitches. I go lower, licking her collar bone, biting her nipple over her sheer bra on each side. Kissing between her breasts, as I grasp them both. I slide my hands to her back and unhook her bra, sliding the strips down until it falls to the floor between us.

I lean down to suck on each breast then stand up straight putting some distance between us, to admire how beautiful she is. I can tell she is feeling insecure, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

I shake my head, "Don't hide her from me," I say, pulling her arms away from herself.

"So, it's a girl?" she asks, her voice unsteady.

I drop to my knees, kissing the bump. "I think so," I look up at her.

"I always think of a boy."

I think about asking her another question about the baby, but I don't think she will be able to answer it, as I slide her boy shorts down her leg, following the path with my lips then repeat on her other leg. I love how my hand can wrap around her thighs almost all the way.

As my lips get higher on her legs, my tongue begins to start tasting her inner thighs,. Sucking, licking, kissing.

I look up at her, "Open your legs a little for me Iz," I instruct her. She grants my request allowing me to lick between her legs, moving my tongue in and out of her, and when I flick her clit with my tongue causing her to shake and pull my hair, I grasp her hips and pull her center closer to my face.

"You are so wet," I tell her, as I insert a finger inside of her. I bring my lips back to her clit, sucking it gently. I moan, causing vibrations against her, her legs tremble and I take on some of her weight afraid she might lose the strength in her legs.

"Oh, fuck," she attempts to whisper.

I can't help it, I love how full her ass is and I begin to squeeze it in my hands. I have no idea how she is going to respond, but I can't help but try.

I keep my focus on her clit, humming as her breathing gets more and more labored. I spread her ass cheek with my one hand, withdraw the one inside her which is slick from how wet I've made her. I use my tongue to lick her in long strokes. With my index finger I put it over her other hole, using steady, slow pressure to push it inside her. I can't believe how tight it feels.

It takes patience and I've never gotten this intimate with a woman before, but I've always had fantasies about it.

Once I have my finger fully inside, I don't move it. I pull away from her center, my face is wet and I can taste her in my top lip. "This okay? You can tell me to stop...I've never done this type of thing before...but I really want to," I pull my finger halfway out. "With you." I specify, slowly pushing it back in.

"It's..." she swallows nervously, "A little uncomfortable. Hurts a little."

I slowly bring my finger out, "I don't have to do it, baby."

She slides her hand down, her finger circling her clit. "It hurts in a good way, do it again?" she asks, seeming a little embarrassed to be getting off on having her ass played with.

I feel like my cock is going to break through my jeans as I reinsert my finger, this time moving my finger more.

"I need to be inside of you," I whisper pulling her down to her knees with me.

She pushes my hair off my forehead, trying her best to breath steady before kissing me. Her hands unbutton my jeans, pushing them down with my boxer briefs.

I watch her tiny hand wrap around my thickness and stroke a few times, I want to stop cause fucking my pregnant girlfriend on the bathroom floor just doesn't seem right.

"We should stop...finish this later." I manage to say full of regret.

"If you stop," she looks at me firmly, "I will personally kick your ass. We are finishing this."

I grab the back of her head and kiss her, before she pushes me away, and turns around her palms flat against the sink, and her legs spread. I can't help but just sit back, stroking myself a few times at the view. She turns her head back at me licking her lips.

"Hey," I lean over her warm body, my lips close to her ears. "Move over here a little." I instruct her so she pushes her ass out a little more. "Better?" I whisper with a kiss to her neck.

"It be perfect if you were filling me," she says breathless, turning back to look at me.

I smirk and shake my head. "Don't forget you asked for it." I begin to line myself up with her entrance and take my time pushing inside of her, which I guess isn't good enough as she pushes herself back on me in one swift motion.

"You've been way too gentle since the baby...I can't imagine not doing it rough the entire time I'm pregnant. You won't hurt him."

She is so wet, so tight, so hot. I twitch inside of her as she begins to circle her clit again. I grasp her hips, "You are asking for it." I tell her, pulling out then pushing myself back in fast and hard. "And you're right, I won't hurt her." I kiss between her shoulder blades and then give her what she wants.

UtB

Bella and I are both sitting on the sofa when Charlie gets home. His mustache twitches, as he takes us in.

I try to move because my hands are on her thighs, and her shorts are so, so short. Bella grabs my hands, and gives me the look.

"What's the worse that can happen? I'm already pregnant." She mumbles with a mouth full of popcorn.

I eye Charlie by the door as he takes off his jacket, and then his belt.

"In case you haven't noticed, he's licensed to carry a gun." I whisper.

"And trust me, when I say I've thought about using it." He murmurs, turning around he eyes the both of us.

"You kids packed, and ready to go?" He asks.

We both nod. Our plane leaves in three hours, and soon we have to head to Seattle. I didn't dare to schedule the flight when Charlie couldn't bring us. Bella's been a mess about leaving him all day.

The girls hormones are through the fucking roof.

Charlie walks over, and kisses Bella on top of her head.

"It's been nice having you here..." he pauses, "...having you both here. Let me go get ready, and then we can leave."

I look over to Bella after Charlie leaves the room. She's biting her lip and I can tell she wants to cry. Before I can even ask her if she's okay, or try to comfort her, she's in my lap, straddling me.

"What are the chances that I could convince him to come with us?" She murmurs against my chest.

My hands find her waist, fluttering over the baby bump, pulling her to me.

"Slim, babe. You see him soon, we'll fly back or I can buy him a ticket; besides he still has to meet our daughter."

She nods, looking up at me. Then corrects, "Son." with a wide smile. I push back a strand of hair that's fallen out of her pony tail behind her ear.

"You okay?" I ask, kissing her forehead.

"Yeah, sorry." She gives me a small smile.

"Stop being sorry." I tap her nose. We sit there smiling at each other, playfully kissing and I don't notice it until Charlie clears his throat.

"It's not too late to shoot ya, boy." He grunts, picking up bags and bringing them outside. When he gets to the front door, he turns around, "I am praying it's a girl so you can fully understand how I feel about Bella and you."

"You aren't happy for me?" Bella asks, with a sad look in her eyes.

"I didn't say that, Bells. I just hate the idea of losing you. Of not having a lot of time to be the most important man in your life."

Bella get's up and walks quickly to her father, "You will always be my father. I'm so blessed to have you, Emmett, Edward...Even Phil. I won't ever forget what you mean to me." She wraps him in a hug, he smooths down her soft chestnut hair, and I'm totally screwed if a little girl is growing inside Bella.

UtB

"First Class to Chicago, Now boarding." Bella squeezes my hand.

"You called Em right?" She asks. I nod. "I'm so glad you two are like brothers. Certainly a miracle from your first year working."

"Oh! I wanted to show you this..he sent this to me while you were sleeping."

I pull out my phone and show her the picture Rose sent us. Yeah, it says to Bella and Edward. It's Cayden and Angel, both of them sleeping in Angel's bed. With the caption "Your first born sleeping with our first born. Sorry, mine is cuter and drools less."

Bella giggles."I could argue with the drool thing" I laugh with her and put my arm around her shoulder pulling her into my side.

"She's so good with kids. I can't wait until bean is here." She rubs her belly. "I hope I can be as good as she is. She is just so...natural."

I smile at her, and pick up our carry-on's, as they are calling our seats overhead. We get in line, waiting by the desk. My mind has been reeling, and I've been trying to let it sink in. The whole father thing. Most of it is an act. I'm really freaked out. About screwing up Izzy's life our. This kids life. I find myself repeating reminders inside my head all day like,

'Bella is carrying my baby.'

'We're going to be a family.'

'Diapers, formula, baby food, cloths every three months, a baby sucking on my girlfriends breast...I like that...and girlfriend. That has to change. She deserves to give birth a married woman, if she isn't stubborn about it." I smile thinking of her strong will, one of the things I love so much about her. I just don't want to take away that dream wedding day every girl dreams about just because this has happened backwards. She still deserves it. And I want nothing more than to stand up and show off how lucky I am to have her.

Almost as if she knows what I'm thinking, her hands wrap around mine.

"I love you." She whispers as we sit in our seats waiting for take off

"I love you...and you," I say pointing to her stomach.

"Little Embry Grey Cullen is very loved. Do you like that?"

"I mean not for a girl... I was thinking Gisella. Ella for short...Gisella Riley Cullen."

"That is cute...I mean I haven't rule out girls name I like the E - you and Emmett both are E's. Maybe Etta Charlie or Emelia Rose." She shurgs.

"Those are all cute. I did think of some boy names myself. Like -"

She cuts me off, "Oh! Emerson! I like Emerson...I think it could be a boy of girl...Emmie for short if it's a girl."

I just laugh. "Maybe I'll get my 2 cents in..."

"Sorry..go on..."

"Everette is the only E name I thought of. But I like Keston..."

"Oh Effie is super cute!"

"Preston," I manage to add.

"Lila."

"Finn."

"Greyson."

"You have a thing for this Grey name..." I point out. Not that I don't like it. I actually like most of them.

"What about unisex? Like Presely...Greyson is unisex...Charlie...Jamison..."

"Emerson is unisex," I point out.

"Peyton...Marley...Ryan...Blake, but I like that more for a girl."

"I thought it was a a boy?" I tease her.

"It is. but I mean we could just pick out our next one name."

"Next one?" I clear my throat. "You mean in like four five years...right?"

"I don't know I thought maybe we could just get it out of the way," she shrugs.

"We will see... I like most of the names. We can narrow them down later."

"Okay," Bella yawns, placing her head on my shoulder and falling asleep ...and all I can think is there's a person we need to name.

What's in a name? Not nothing that's for sure. It can really define a person. Even this little shit it stressing me out.

I have to remind myself over and over again that we can do this.

**Life has been crazy. I lost my grandpaw to lou gehrigs disease, and he was seriously one of my favorite people ever. Not a day goes by I don't miss him. From there, I went downhill with the whole fanfiction thing. Working on it, along with (gasp) a new story.**

**I love you guys, and I promise we'll finish this story.**

**xo**


	32. Chapter 32

UtB 32

EPOV

My leg bounces as I rub the palm of my hand over my jeans. I'm out of my element and I think it shows. It's a room full of woman with round stomachs, sleeping, eating, and fussing newborns, Izzy is pointing out how cute they are and what strollers she likes. I think I have to pick my jaw off the ground when she asks one new mom where she got her stroller. I wonder if it occurred to Izzy this stroller with winter and summer kits, for an extra two to three hundred dollars each, already costs about twelve hundred, cause she looks at me as if we can't raise our baby without it. "Edward how perfect for the beach or for when we are in Chicago freezing!" I can only muster a nod, hoping she will be happy with a stroller from Babies R Us. I clear my throat and change my attention to the baby magazine I am using solely to divert attention from how uncomfortable I am. I'm the only guy. It's hard to concentrate between my anxiety over Izzy, and the toddler acting out whose mother is pretty much helpless to control him in her state of what looks to be twelve months pregnant.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come back with you?" I whisper to her.

"Positive. I actually can't think of anyway to make it more uncomfortable then to have you in the room while my legs are in stir ups and some Doctor has his face inches from my vag which is held open by some cold metal instrument. I don't want an audience." She shakes her head. I know she is just as anxious and uncomfortable as I am by the rate of her speech.

"Say no more..." I trail off, not really liking the visual she created in my head. It be the equivalent I suppose of her being in the room for a prostate examine. Just plain wrong.

"Just knowing your out here waiting for me when I'm done is...enough." She leans into me, placing her head on my shoulder. "I am a tad bit afraid of what will happen when I leave you with all these hormonal woman. They may attack you."

"I used my secret weapon this morning - it keeps the ladies at a safe distance." I joke with her, kissing her head.

"Isabella Swan?" A nurse steps out of the doorway to bring the next patient back.

I squeeze her hand as she stands up, she looks back at me and I mouth 'love you' to her. She smiles, then starts to follow the nurse and I watch her until the door shuts and I don't have anything left to look at but this magazine full of...babies.

That word; baby. It plays over and over in my mind and I can't seem to grasp how that is going to change my entire world and I'm not ready at all. The crying toddler. The mother attempting to calm him down. The round stomachs. None of the woman have that stupid glow. If you ask me, they look pretty miserable and uncomfortable, in turn probably making their husbands pretty uneasy.

I run my hand through my hair and close the magazine that offers all these tips on raising a human being. I don't think I can raise a human being yet. I don't even know how Izzy is handling that concept...maybe she hasn't. Maybe she's been ignoring what it exactly means to have a baby.

Five minutes seems like five hours and I have no idea how I am going to survive this. I need air. I don't want her to come out and not know where I am though.

I walk up to the desk, "Do you know how long Isabella Swan might be?" I ask her before she even has a chance to ask what she can help me with.

She looks at her computer, "She's having a coloscopy...I'd say another twenty five minutes if it goes perfectly."

"Perfectly..." I know I sound as concerned as I feel.

"I mean Dr. Adams could be held up with another patient, or she could have a lot of questions...I didn't mean anything like complications."

I just nod my head and thank her. "I just need to run out to the car...so if by some chance she's done before I'm back..."

"Of course," she smiles at me.

I sit in the car for the next twenty four minutes trying not to freak out over Bella being pregnant. I start to wonder when I got so fragile as I walk back inside. I'm about to have a seat when the door opens and she walks out holding some papers.

She looks like she is uncomfortable, I'm not sure if she was crying. She goes to the front desk, and asks if she needs to make an appointment.

I take the papers from her. One is a prescription for pain medicine, the other is instructions on what to expect and what she should call the doctor for after the procedure.

"Dr. Adams will call in Friday at the earliest to let you know if you need to come back in."

Bella nods, "Thank you."

I take her bag, and help her put her jacket on. I hold her hand till we get to the car opening the passenger door for her.

I don't drive away right away. I start the car, but am focused on the information about spotting being normal, or light bleeding more common if pregnant. That she shouldn't have sex or put anything in her vagina for ten days. Fever, chills...anything that could be a sign of infection to call the doctor.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

She nods, yes, yet wipes tears.

"Is this medicine safe for the baby?" I ask looking at the prescription.

"He said it's a low dose, and Motrin is the best, but that is even worse. It's only six for the next two or three days if I really need it," she explains to me

"Are you in a lot of pain?" I ask her.

"Yeah...I am actually."

"Why don't I take you back to your apartment and then I'll go to the pharmacy." I offer.

She just nods, her head back and her eyes focused out the window. The drive to her place is silent. I have no idea how to find out what is going on inside her head.

When I get back with her medicine, she's still a million miles away. "Gonna tell me what's going on?" I ask her.

"If it's anything that needs treatment I have to wait until the baby is born...the Doctor suggested I examine my options more closely. That there was still time, and I was young, and single, in college...and from what he's seen...I'll probably need to have treatment like laser or freezing...and I can always get pregnant again...but no one can promise me that the cells aren't aggressive and it won't escalate in nine months...and that it will be curable at that point."

"Izzy...then maybe we should talk about that," I offer her. Her eyes fill with anger and sadness.

"No - how - I don't even - I can't -" She is so flustered, and so hurt by my words.

"Okay...okay. I'm sorry." I try to calm her down.

"That's not a choice Edward."

"But I can't replace you..."

"But this baby is replaceable to you?"

"We can make another one...later after we are married...when your done school."

"It's not like this baby will just be the same...it's not replaceable either. Just like the one I lost in high school. It's an individual...I guess it's too much for you to realize that since you can't see it, but that doesn't mean it's just some cookie cuttter baby. It's not even open for discussion."

I don't even really know what to say. "Just the thought of losing you...or having you suffer through that if there is something we can do to prevent it...I don't want to see you suffer. And I don't think I can even think about losing you."

"Do you think I relish the thought of what it could mean? The price is too high. I've paid it once already, and I'm not going to do pay it again willingly."

"I didn't mean to make you feel worse."

"Do you not want this?" she asks looking at her stomach.

"If you want me to be honest with you..."

"Always," she whispers.

"It's not something I've found peace with yet, it scares me to think of being responsible for the shaping of person. Having to put this fragile little life above all else...every choice I make will effect the outcome of what kind of person she becomes. Yeah...it is scary. And I'm trying really really hard to be the adult here and strong for you."

"What because I'm not an adult? And if you're not ready I can't even be close to being ready for motherhood, right? Well, this baby is apart of me - and it's growing inside me and I already love it more than anything. I'm ready to put his needs above mine. And I may not have all the answers, but I'm sure I'll figure it all out even if I do make a few mistakes along the way."

"Iz, I have no doubt that you will be an amazing mother...but what kind of mother will you be if you..." I don't even want to say the words. "If you're not even here."

"I'm going to be the type of mom who gave life a chance. If I do what the doctor suggests...what you are suggesting. I'm not going to be any type of mom. So, if this is too much for you...if you're not ready or too scared...or if you are here out of some sort of obligation, you should just go back to your life. With the job that is a windfall, and beautiful woman with successful careers falling all over you, and your perfect little townhouse two blocks from the beach, and early morning jogs with your dog...and I'll be the best mom I can be, because I believe if I do my best and love him more than anything, it won't matter how much we have or how many mistakes get made along the way...we will turn out just fine."

"Izzy...you are right. You could do this by yourself and do your best and it be better than most parents...cause I see the kids who are products of parents that have no idea how to love them the way you are talking about right now. I feel shitty okay? I feel like I am contributing to your inability to do everything you want and deserve to do...like Banard. Like doing what you need to do in order to ensure a healthy long life."

"Then maybe this is a mistake...you being here. Because I don't think it be healthy to have someone in my life who feels guilty for holding me back - but that's only in his opinion."

"Look, I think you need to get some rest...I need to think about a lot. Why don't we just think about everything for a day or two...and come back to it with clearer heads, okay?"

I go to kiss her, but she pulls away, "My head is clear - crystal clear. It sounds to me that you are the one who needs to figure out what he wants..." she shakes her head.

"I'm sorry, Iz...please I didn't mean to upset you. I talked to my father about this a lot, and I can't lose you. That thought...it kills me."

"The thought of losing him..." she touches her stomach. "It kills me." She looks back up at me. "I thought you felt the same way about our baby?"

"I'm just really confused...and scared...and one wrong move could cause not only my life, but yours, and our child's, to come crashing down. Bella - I know I'm older and that I should be wiser and have more answers...but I don't. I've been trying to tell myself and everyone else that I can be everything you and that baby needs and I can't keep pretending that I'm not freaking out. And the thought of losing you...it is just overwhelming me...cause I don't know how to be a father and I really don't know how to be a single father with some serious guilt eating away that I caused you to grow up too soon...that I stopped you from living up to your full potential. That I took away opportunities away from you to have an amazing education. And I hate to say it... but I feel really shitty about myself. If I heard about some twenty four year old sleeping with a sixteen or seventeen year old girl...I'd think what a piece of shit. How disgusting. And that was me. I don't want to look back at anything in my life and feel that way again."

She is silent. For the next ten minutes she doesn't say a word she simply sits in her bed the covers up to her neck. She won't even look at me, she just stares blankly at the covers over her body.

Finally she looks at me, "I don't feel very well. I'm in a lot of pain right now...can I have one of those pills you got for me?"

"Sure," I tell her. I go grab her a drink and hand her the pill then the drink. I place the pills on the night stand next to her bed.

"I don't want to talk about it again until the results come back from the doctor," she tells me. "And if you are ashamed of us...you should leave. I'm not an obligation, and no ones charity case."

"I don't think that about you. I have loved you since I laid eyes on you...and no matter how wrong it was...and how hard I tried to be with someone more appropriate...I couldn't ever stop loving you. I just want you to understand all the things going on inside of me. Nothing more than how much I love you...and how much I can't be without you even when it was so wrong."

I don't know if she is listening, because all I get in response is a request to turn off the light so she can get some rest.

I spend the whole night staring at her, thinking.

**BPOV**

I chew my bottom lip, taking a sip of my tea. I'm trying not to cry, but I don't know how much longer that will work.

Hormones are a bitch.

"You wanna know what I think?" Jamie is watching me over her coffee.

This morning I jumped out of bed before Edward woke up, grabbed Jamie and made her come down to the cafe with me. Of course I left Edward a note, I have no doubt that he'd send the FBI after me if I didn't.

"I'm sure you're about to tell me anyway." I mumble, rubbing my belly.

"I love you, but you're being a brat. I know you're scared, so many things can happen. Sure, Edward is older, but Bell... he's scared too. The man loves you in that gushy gross, can't wait to have my own kind of love."

"It's just.." I start. "I know he loves me, it's in everything he does. I just feel like our past and our future are so..." I trail off when Jamie raises her hand at me.

"I also know that when something good is going on in your life, you wait for it to fall apart. If you lose him again, could you really stand it?"

I think about what she says. I know the answer.

"I just...after everything we've been through... Losing that baby in high school... almost losing each other, countless times; I'm just..." I trail off.

"What if it's not worth it? What if it was doomed from the start?"

Jamie looks at me like I've grown three heads.

"No one holds on for that long, and goes through that much shit... for nothing, Bella."

"I just.. I can't..." I shake my head. "I love him so much,that I feel like it's selfish. It feels like he's so against having this baby that he'll give up, and leave me behind. Then i'll be dying and have a baby."

Jamie's just watching me.

"How the hell am I supposed to have a baby, and attend college? God, Jamie. It's Banard."

The tears are flowing, and I can't stop them.

"It seems to me like you need to talk to him about it, Bella. Just do me a favor, okay? Don't get stressed out and don't get angry and not hear him out. Let's go home?"

I nod, as we get up from our seats. I grab the box of muffins, and as we walk out, Jamie grabs my hand.

"I can't stand the thought of you leaving. You're my best friend, you know that right?"

I nod.

"Don't be mad but I called him. This waiting for results thing? It's ridiculous. Communicate with him. Don't shut him out."

I want to glare at her, but I can't.

Edward stands across the street.

"See you at home, love." Jamie says, taking off.

I wait until I can cross the street. He watches me and as I reach him, I can't help but wipe the smile off my face. I know we have things to talk about, and I may even yell at him. I can't deny the truth, though.

I can't let him walk away.

UtB

We walk side by side, to the park and even if we don't say anything, our hands are clasped together. We sit on a bench in front of the playground, and I can imagine us here one day soon, watching a little boy with his fiery red hair, and green eyes.

I wait for Edward to get angry at me or to yell and tell me how selfish I'm being, but instead he leans down, and puts his hand on my belly.

"One summer, I met this girl. I fell head over heels with her, and for a while I had to live without her. Everyday, I prayed and I wished that we'd be together again. Do you know how many people have to live without the love of their lives? Too many. It's the most painful thing in the world, to have something so close, to just have to close your hand around it... and then have it slip away."

His voice is soft, and I think that maybe he isn't talking about just us anymore. He looks into my eyes for a split second, and I just know he's talking about the baby we lost.

"Your mommy is really mad at me right now. She has every right to, too. I love you, both. I just wish she'd see that I can't, won't; have one of you without the other."

His voice is soft, and I can feel his hand on my stomach, rubbing. I wait, just in case he has more to say.

"Your mom is the most amazing woman. She's strong and smart. She'll fight for you until she can't anymore. She's so stubborn, always getting what she wants. Sometimes it comes at a price. You see, when I had to live without her once; It was the most painful thing I've ever had to do. I don't ever want to go through any of that. We met each other at the wrong time, and even then it felt so right."

He's quiet, and before I know it, he's wiping the tears from my face.

"All morning, I've turned it over and over in my head. Can I say that I know anything about being a father? No. I'm scared to death wondering how this will all turn out. I can't lose you again. There is one thing I know, without a shadow of a doubt."

"You walking into that bar that summer, was the best thing that could have happened to me. When I imagine my future...you're there."

He gives me a small smile, like he's nervous.

It's then that I know. No matter what happens, we'll make it.

All three of us.

I grab his hand pull him up, and hug him. I tell him that we'll make it, that we have to make it.

He smiles back at me with the most beautiful smile.

Later, that night after he;s packed and ready to back to Wildwood, his head is on my lap and his arms are wrapped around my belly.

"We're going to have a family." He mumbles in his sleep.

We don't talk about what will happen and my test results come back bad. I just have to have hope that we will be a family.

That I'll be okay.

UtB

"I miss you." His voice is soft,but I can hear a hint of a smile to it.

"I miss you." I say, rolling my eyes at Jamie making gagging noises.

Edward left to go back to Wildwood two days ago before Marcus came to Chicago to drag him back himself.

"Hold on, babe. Gotta change."

I can hear fumbling, water running. I know he's getting ready for bed.

"Mmm" I say, mostly to freak Jamie out, I don't think Edward has picked up the phone yet. "I really miss watching you get ready for bed."

I giggle as Jamie throws a pillow at me and walks out of the living room. She's such an easy target.

"So how was your day?" He asks. I can hear the rustle of the blankets and him fussing at Angel. I laugh picturing him trying to push her to "her" side of the bed.

"It was okay." I don't tell him that Jamie and I ran into Gage. Gage seemed happy for me. I also didn't miss the way he and Jamie looked at each other. I made a mental note to ask her about it.

"Just okay?" He questions, he sounds tired.

"Everyday sucks without you, Edward." I say with a dramatic sigh.

He laughs. "So I had lunch with Em today...He thinks there's something he needs to know."

"Well, there kinda is..."

I know for sure that Edward didn't tell him anything. I'm pretty sure Em would be trying to bust down the door to my apartment now.

"So what did you tell him?" I ask.

"Do you know how hard it is to lie to him? I remember how it feels when he punches." He mumbles.

"Edward..."

"So does my nose."

"_Edward."_

"I told him we were seeing each other again. That I really do love you."

"and?" I ask.

"He wants you to come out, for New years. He's calling you tomorrow to ask." He says, I hear the mischievous tone in his voice, He's up to something.

"and..." I wait.

"And what? I told him would be great for you to be home."

""Would it? We don't know what's going to happen... I could.." I trail off.

"Hey. One day at a time, okay? Make something up if you think you need to."

I look down at my belly. What will happen in a month? Edward is coming to Chicago for Christmas, and I already planned on going home for New Years.

"I know." I say

I hear Edward yawn. Looking at the clock, I realize it's almost midnight there.

"I should let you go to sleep." I say. I hate the time difference. I hate the distance.

"I miss you."

"I miss you." I repeat.

**still around? things have been absolutely nuts. **

**xo**


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

We know who owns it.

Not beta'd.

**BPOV**

Friday morning and three days after Edward leaves, I'm sitting on our couch balancing and staring at the phone on my slightly rounded stomach. I recently had to give up wearing my favorite pair of jeans, it was a bad day.

"Dude." Jamie says, walking out of the bathroom in only a towel.

I glance up at her, her boldness doesn't get to me anymore. I hate that she's so damn skinny. I feel like a small cow compared to her.

"Staring at the phone won't make it ring. Stop." She walks straight into her room, and I hear her slamming drawers.

I roll my eyes at her, and eye the clock. It's only ten am, and I'm ready to jump put of my skin anytime my phone lights up.

Dr. Adams needs to call me soon.

Jamie comes out, and sits next to me. She puts lotion on her legs and sighs.

"So here's what we're gonna do. You're going to get up, get dressed and meet me right here."

I nod, knowing shes trying to help me.

"And leave the phone."

I roll my eyes, taking in my sweat pants and Edward's sweatshirt. I get up and walk into my room as she calls out that I stink and should probably take a shower, too.

She's a good friend, but I hate her.

UtB

Twenty five minutes later, and still no call; Jamie and I are sitting at our usual table in the cafe we frequent. She's jumpy and nervous, and I actually try not to think of why. I eye her uneaten muffin, knowing she wouldn't judge me if I ate it; so I do.

She laughs nervously ate me, and then sighs.

"There's something I need to tell you. Hopefully it'll take our mind off of today."

I raise and eyebrow as I take a bite of the muffin.

"I think I might be in lovewithGage." She rushes out, not looking at me.

"I... I don't exactly know your feelings for him anymore, but the night after you left for Thanksgiving, He came over. We stayed up all night. We talked until the sun came up. I kissed him. Ever since then... I've always liked him as more than a friend, and if you have a problem with it... I'll tell him I can't see him anymore, but Bella..."

I watch as she talks, trying to process what she's saying and how I feel.

To be honest, it makes sense. I knew she liked him. She told me all the time when we hung out that she wish he looked at her the way he looked at me. She's been so secretive lately with her texts and where she's been; it all makes sense now.

As I think about it, I feel myself actually starting to like the idea of them together, and what say do I have? I'm thirteen weeks pregnant with another man's baby.

"Say something," she nudges me, "I told him I'd tell you about us but now I wish..."

"Shut up, Jamie."

She looks at me, and I smile at her.

"As long as he makes you happy, and you him... why would I have a problem with it?"

"You guys have always been there for me. I think you'd be great together." I point at my belly, "This is my current problem. How the heck am I going to go to Wildwood in two weeks and explain this to my brother and mom?"

She laughs at me, and before I know it, she's hugging me.

"I was so scared. I know things with Edward are..." She trails off, looking at me. "I know you guys have a lot to work out now. I just..." she makes air quotes, "Girl code; don't date another sisters mister."

I laugh, hugging her back.

"You're right, Edward and I have a lot to work on, but you and Gage? Who knows, I do think you'd be great for him. Maybe it was fate. It has it's way of working things out when you least expect it. Be happy, James."

"Just like it was fate when you walked into that bar a few summers ago..." She trails off, making me smile.

And then the phone rings.

**EPOV**

"Your sister is going to be the death of me." I mutter, glancing at Emmett as he rocks Cayden.

He looks up at me and says, "Good. After this summer, that stunt you pulled in the car outside..." He shakes his head. I try not to laugh, but he shoots me a glare.

"How is she? We talk to her almost every week, but she's been..." He trails off, "What's going on with you two?"

"She's... We're working through some things." He raises an eyebrow. I watch as Cayden fights his sleep. He looks so much like Em it's ridiculous.

"We're really working on things, actually talking and weighing odds. There aren't any fits and when one of us doesn't like what the other one says, we talk about it."

"So, what you're saying is you're in a relationship." He says lowly.

I nod.

"With my sister."

I flashback to two years ago when he punched my face. I try not to flinch.

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"Okay." He says, after a minute.

"Um, Okay?" I ask because what is happening here?

He looks at me for a couple of seconds. I can practically see the wheels spinning in his head.

"I'll have my say and that's the last I'll say about it." He says, but continues. "Be careful with her. I don't mean "just don't hurt her or I'll kick your ass"; but don't let her hurt you either. I know I have a tough time looking at her as an adult and not my little sister anymore. It's something I'm working on. I don't know the details of last summer, and based on what I've worked out in my head; I don't think I'll ever want to... but whatever it was, I know it was huge and it sucked. I know it almost broke you and Bella... I don't want to ever see either you like that, because if I had to choose between the two of you, of course it'll be her but I consider you a friend, man. The best."

"I think... I think we'll be okay. I really do love her. And I appreciate it...what you said."

He just nods, and I know he's done with the heavy stuff.

"I'm calling her tomorrow. Telling her to get her ass down here for New Years."

"It would be good to have her home." I say, knowing she isn't going to like that. She refuses to come to Wildwood until she has her results.

It's quiet, and I watch as Cayden stretches; and then it's low but loud enough to hear.

"Ass."

"That's my boy!" Emmett whoops.

UtB

I'm in my office, shuffling through research on what could happen if Bella's results come back positive; I can't focus on anything else.

There's a knock on my door, and it's Marcus.

He comes in, and shuts the door.

"So, I wanted to ask you yesterday, how's Bella?" He asks, after we exchange pleasantries. I've always loved that he cuts the bullshit.

"She's, uh... I don't know. We should find out her results tomorrow. We're just hoping for the best."

He nods, eying the papers on my desk.

"That won't help the stress, Edward."

I nod.

"I wanted to do this on more official terms, but I don't see a reason to. Things around here are insane, so I'll cut to the chase." He hands me an envelope. "This is for you. You should know that it's noticed, how hard and how much effort you put into this school. I hope it helps you. I'll take my copy when you're done. It's the yellow sheet."

I sit confused, as he walks out. And then I open the envelope.

It's a raise proposal, signed off by the Superintendent. For me

And it's four more zero's added in than I would ever expect to get.

UtB

"I have news." I say, as soon as she picks up.

"Yeah?" She huffs, I can tell she's sleeping, and it's only four o'clock there. My poor girl is so tired lately.

"I got a raise."

I'm not prepared for the screech she lets out, but I have to laugh.

"Wow! That's so great." I hear Jamie muttering in the background.

We talk about her day, and how nervous she is about tomorrow. I tell her how much I love to see the pictures of her belly she sends me everyday; knowing that we did that. We created it out of love.

"Let's just hope..." she trails off, but doesn't finish. I know exactly what she's thinking.

"Iz..."

I can see her biting her lip and rubbing her belly.

"I know, one day at a time."

"I love you." I say, hoping to change the subject.

I hear her yawn through the phone, "I love you. I'll call you tomorrow as soon as they tell me something, okay?"

"Goodnight, Izzy."

Through her sleepy haze she mutters, "We love you, daddy."

UtB

"Next time, try doing the strokes the opposite way, and lighter." I instruct the student I'm watching, except not really. I'm trying not to watch my phone or the clock. Today I'm bugging the shit out of the students, in hopes that I'll somehow not think about what's going on in Chicago right now.

The day progresses the same, and drags. I hear nothing from Bella even after the final bell of the day has rang. I don't want to be nervous, but I am.

Terrified.

I call her phone, but no answer.

"Shit." I mutter, throwing on my jacket, and picking up my things. I was scheduled to meet with Marcus to discuss the changes from the meeting on Tuesday, but there's no way I can handle it.

I walk into my office, telling Mrs. Cope to call Marcus. One look at me, and she seems to get how important it is.

I try Bella again, and when it goes straight to voicemail, I lose my shit.

"Damnit!"

I take a deep breath, and try to call Jamie.

When she answers, wherever she is, is crowded. I can't hear anything.

I hang up, and text her.

_I haven't heard from Bella, is she okay?_

I don't remember going through the motions, but soon I'm in my car, on the way home.

_She's okay. She was going to sleep, and she set an alarm to call you. She had a lot of information to deal with._

I shake my head. Fuck that.

I pull up to my house with every intention to pack a bag and make my way to the airport.

I run inside, and Angel comes running down the stairs; barking and growling. I'm pretty sure I scare her. Some guard dog.

I make my way upstairs, and stop in my tracks.

My Izzy.

She's there in seconds, and I'm holding and hugging her.

"What are you doing here? I've been worried sick all day... I was on my way to Chicago." I laugh.

She pulls away.

"I saw the doctor today. Jamie booked a flight for me. She said she knew I couldn't tell you the news over the phone... I'm sorry I made her lie to you."

I smile, pulling her to me.

"And?"

She looks at me with her big brown eyes, and all I want to do is wipe the tears away. But then, her face breaks out in the most amazing smile and I wish I could see it forever. It's a moment that when I look back on it in ten, fifteen or twenty years; I'll always feel the same way.

"Edward, we're having a baby. We're going to be fine."

Pure joy.

It's been a while, right? I'm hoping to get back into the flow. I lost my grandfather in the last year, I'm officially a married girl and we're hoping to buy a house soon. All of the craziness has barely settled down, but Amy and I have always planned on finishing it. I missed this story so much, and I appreciate every message I've gotten. Thank you for hanging in there.

xo


End file.
